Errors In Continuity
by ZeroVX
Summary: When a magical, half-demon superheroine, a timid, gender-ambiguous swordsman, and the self-proclaimed greatest space pirate in the universe get together to read some bad fanfics, this happens. A commentary on just about anything. Rated for language.
1. Author's Note and Help

OK folks, it's been a while since I've done this thing, and I'm gonna need your help. This fic, called Errors in Continuity, will be an MST fic of anything that comes my way.

For those of you unaware, an MST is derived from the TV show Mystery Science Theater 3000 (aka MST3K), which featured one guy and two robots watching old, cheesy movies and making goofy commentary while doing so. An MST fic is similar, except reviewing bad fanfics instead of movies and they don't necessarily have to feature the same characters. This one won't, anyway.

That's where you guys come in. I need you guys to send me any bad fanfics you can find. They don't have to fit in any particular fandom or medium, so long as it's crap and can be reviewed.

A couple of guidelines before you start searching, though:

It has to meet the qualifications for this site. That doesn't mean it absolutely has to come from this site, but it would have to be able to appear on it. That means don't go running off to an adult site or anything. Which leads me into my next rule.

No lemons. Those of you who don't know what a lemon is, that's where the characters engage in sexual activity. None of that. Since this will be an M rated fic, this rule _might_ change in the future. Don't hold your breath, though.

No My Immortal. I know My Immortal is crap. I don't need you guys gushing over how hilariously godawful it is. I'm sure we all know how bad it is. If I feel I should review it, then I'll save it for a special occasion.

Other than that, we should be good. But remember, these need to be BAD fanfics. Bad grammar, poor storytelling, mishandling characters, self-insertion, Mary Sues, that sort of stuff.

Also, we may disagree on whether or not a fic you send me is bad, so don't freak out if a fic you send me doesn't get the review. Who knows, I may change my mind on it in the future.

If you have a fic that you'd like reviewed, leave a link to the fic in the reviews section, or send it to me directly via my e-mail, which you can find on my profile page.

Remember, send the _link_, not just the title or the author.

OK, that should cover everything. I hope to get a lot of potential fics from you guys. See you soon!

-ZeroVX

P.S. Why is this in the crossover section? Well…you'll see.


	2. Story 1: Something Very Strange Indeed

I figured I should give you guys one story first so you have an idea of how this is going to go, so I scrounged this up. Names have not been changed to protect anyone.

As for the characters in here, it's just because I like them. Which is why I'm going to torture them with terrible fanfics.

Yes, I'm a monster.

Enjoy.

/

The frown on her face wouldn't leave, even though she was trying to focus as much as possible on the book in her hands. Yes, she had read it a number of times already, but she didn't expect to be put in the situation she was in, and thought nothing of it when she brought it with her when she left the tower. If she had known she was going to be waiting for what felt like hours (she didn't think to bring a watch with her, which she regretted more and more as time went on), she would have brought a few new stories as well to pass the time.

_It probably wouldn't make much difference_, she thought as she turned the page. She found that it was getting harder and harder to concentrate on the words in front of her eyes, tapping the side of the book with her finger as the minutes continued to tick away.

Finally, she gave up. She closed the book with a snap, then turned her head to look at her newfound companion.

"Has he moved at all?" she asked.

A shake of the head was all she received in reply, a slight "uh-uh" accompanying it. She took a minute to get a look at her new acquaintance. The pink hair was something she wasn't too concerned with (she had no room to talk about odd hair colours, considering her own hair was purple, of all things), and the outfit was a bit confusing, but she had seen weirder (still, was it a dress? A priest's robe?).

But what stuck out to her was the fact that she had no idea what sex this person was. There were no real defining features that indicated if this person was a boy or a girl. She assumed that her new friend was close to her age, so there should have been _some_ development.

Though that may be due to the fact that he/she was ridiculously thin. When she first saw him/her, she couldn't help but wonder if the concept of food had completely escaped this person. Wonder then turned to pity, but she did her best not to show it, not wanting to possibly offend this person.

She sighed, putting the book down and getting to her feet, walking past her new friend and stopping at the seat beside him/her. She glared at the third party in the large theater, snoring loudly without a care in the world. She wondered for a moment if there was something wrong with this one, considering he was wearing a bright white jacket, a frilly shirt, black leather pants and boots, and what was unmistakably a pirate captain's hat. Who walked around dressed like that?

Then again, what right did she have to criticize? How many people go about wearing a leotard and a cloak in public? But, she rationalized, she was a superhero. She had an excuse. And hey, maybe he actually was a pirate. She'd seen weirder.

"This is getting ridiculous." she growled, tapping a finger on her arm. "I'm waking him up."

The pink-haired person got to his feet, edging toward her carefully.

"Um, i-isn't that a bit r-rude? Isn't it b-bad to wake someone up?" he stuttered.

"I can worry about being rude once we find out what we're supposedly doing here."

The pink-haired one frowned, then looked behind him at the table, situated perfectly in alignment with the huge movie screen behind it (he knew one person who would be most impressed). He had been the first to arrive that day, surprised that he even got a letter to begin with, and not having anything better to do (though he wished he did). He noticed both envelopes on the table almost immediately, along with the two notes attached to one of them. The first saying "open this first", and the other "do not open unless all three are awake". He didn't see any reason to disobey the request, though he wondered why it was necessary.

His attention was brought back to the other two people in the room after hearing a loud WHAP. He turned his head to see that the girl he had met had removed the hat from the man and smacked him with it, in an attempt to wake him up. He couldn't help but wonder how one person could sleep for so long, especially with the two of them wandering about.

The effect was instantaneous, the young man sitting up ramrod straight, short red hair a total mess. The pink-haired one walked over to them, standing opposite the girl and looking at their mutual acquaintance.

"Finally." she said. "Sorry about that, but we've been patiently waiting for you to get up, so we can finally get this show-"

She was cut off by the man yanking the hat out of her hands and placing it back on his head, only for a very alien-looking gun to be pointed right between her eyes. The pink-haired one moved to protest, but he stopped once the large, curved blade of a cutlass was aimed right at him. The man was standing on the seat he had just been sleeping in, his face showing equal parts confusion and anger.

"Alright…one of you better start talking." he growled, looking back and forth at the two. "Who are you? Why did you bring me here? Where is here, anyway?"

His head whipped back and forth between the two, neither of them responding. "Hey! I ain't got all goddamn day! I'm waiting for some answers here-"

He turned his head to the girl long enough to notice that his gun was now glowing with some strange black energy. He only had enough time to register what was happening before his gun was suddenly lifted out of his hands and thrown behind him. Before he could question what just happened, he heard a distinctive CLANG and felt his sword being knocked out of his hand. He turned his head to see the pink-haired one holding a sword of his own, which he noticed was smaller than his, yet with a few spikes here and there and, most noticeably, the blade was pitch-black.

He looked back and forth between his two now-empty hands, utterly lost to what just happened. The pink-haired one's sword then began to transform into pure black energy (which he noticed was slightly different than the girl's) and enter its back, reforming as, quite possibly, the strangest thing he had ever seen. It was as black as the sword it originally was, and looked only vaguely human, with a very large X across its face and cartoonish googly eyes.

"Hey! What the fuck do you think you're doing, you prick? You think you can just wake up after sleeping for fucking hours and act like you own the goddamn place?"

That got his attention. Whatever _it_ was, it just spoke to him. But what replaced his initial confusion with anger was the fact that it had the _nerve_ to start cursing at him!

"Bitch, who the fuck do you think you are?" the man shouted in reply. "You drag me off of my nice ship to some movie theater on some planet I don't even know, and you have the gall to get pissed at ME? You're lucky I don't have my gun right now, or I'd put a bullet down your goddamn throat!"

"What was that, you little shithead?"

"You heard me, you fucking frog!"

"_FROG_? Oh that is IT! I'm gonna chew up your soul and spit it back out, motherfucker!"

"Bring it on, you fucking sad excuse for a-"

The two were soon cut off by the same black energy from before, now covering them both and pushing them apart. The man turned around to see the girl holding up her hand, which was also covered in the same energy. He also noticed that said girl was very annoyed.

"That. Is. Enough." she commanded. The man initially wanted to tell her to do something rather rude, but since he was now totally weaponless, and it seemed as though she could do just about anything she wanted to, he decided it'd be better to keep his mouth shut.

The pink-haired one looked down, grabbing his right arm with his left hand as per his usual force of habit.

"S-sorry about him, g-guys…"

This was enough to divert the black one's attention to his partner. He grabbed a handful of pink hair and glared down at him.

"Hey! I don't need you to apologize for me! And more importantly, why are we even here? I was having a nice nap back at our place! Why the hell did you drag me here?"

"I-I'm sorry! I-I never got a letter before, so I th-thought it'd be rude to ignore it-"

He was cut off by his strange partner pulling on his ears.

"OW!"

"Man, you're just a weak-willed pussy, aren't you? You'll do anything anyone tells you to, won't you? First that witch of a mother of yours, then that flat-chested bitch-"

"Don't talk about her like that!"

It was at that point that the pink-haired one's fist collided with his partner's chin in a desperate attempt at silencing him. Of course, that had the opposite effect, as he turned to his pink-haired comrade with a dangerous glint in his eyes.

"Oh, now you've done it…"

"No! W-wait! I didn't mean-"

Suddenly, the two were both covered in the same black energy, both of them being pushed out of arm's reach of the other. They both looked at the girl, who was now even more annoyed than before.

"_I said ENOUGH!_" she shouted, glaring daggers at the two of them. And while the pink-haired one looked away from her, clearly intimidated, the black one simply would not stop talking.

"You stay out of this, bitch! Once I deal with him I'll gladly take care of-"

He was cut off by more energy encircling his throat, causing his angry words to turn into frustrated choking. After a few moments, the energy around his throat dissipated. Sadly, this only made him even angrier.

"Did you just try to fucking kill me? That's it! As soon as I get my hands on you, I'll be ripping your soul out through your-"

"Hey!"

The three all turned to look at the apparent pirate, who was holding his hand up like he was in class.

"As much as I'd hate to interrupt the festivities, can we get to figuring out just why we're here?"

The other three looked at one another, before the girl let out a sigh and lowered her hand, the energy disappearing. Of course, this was the opportunity the black one needed, as he quickly gave his pink-haired companion a sharp smack on the head.

"OW!"

"HA!"

He then noticed the girl very clearly glaring at him while emitting a low growl. He stuck out his tongue in cheeky defiance, causing the pink-haired one to sigh at the futility of the situation. He walked over and grabbed the first envelope, ripping it open as the other two walked over to read the contents.

_Before we begin, please introduce yourselves to each other and to the audience at home._

The four looked at one another in confusion, before the young pirate starting looking around the theater.

"Audience? What, are there cameras around here somewhere?"

The girl sighed. "If there were cameras, I doubt they'd be out in the open."

The pink-haired one started shivering, looking at the letter as though it were a wild animal that was moments away from biting his face off.

"I-I-Introduce m-myself? T-To people? On the T-T-TV? I-I don't think I can deal with that!"

The girl couldn't help but feel sorry for him, clearly very nervous about being seen by people he didn't know. Granted, this could very easily be a lie, but why bother lying about something like that in the first place?

"It's alright. I'll go first." she assured him.

She turned to the gigantic movie screen, assuming there was a camera somewhere in the general vicinity. She quietly cleared her throat before starting.

"My name is Raven. I was born on a world known as Azarath to Arella and…someone else. I came to Earth to prevent my father from destroying Azarath, and I now serve as a member of the superhero team known as the Teen Titans."

Raven then turned to the pink-haired one, head tilted slightly towards the screen.

"Like that, basically."

He nodded, then turned to the screen as well. He gulped, tugging at the collar of his robe before starting his bit.

"M-My name is Crona…I'm a weapon meister at Shibusen…I was born to the witch…M-M-M-Medusa…and I did some…bad things…and now I'm trying to make up for it…"

A sharp smack across the back of his head, and he looked up at his darker counterpart.

"Hey! What about me, bitch? Introduce me! And make me sound good!"

"R-Right…this is my partner, the Demon Sword Ragnarok…he's been my partner since I was little-"

"No one cares about that shit, idiot! God, can't you do _anything_ right?"

"I'm trying m-my best!"

"Does it look like I give a shit?"

Raven sighed, wondering if she'd make it through the day if this continued. She turned to the other party in the theater, who was standing behind her, arms crossed and grinning.

"Wow…you guys are something else. Dark magicky stuff and Demon Swords? I swear, whoever organized this must not have got the memo that emo is dead."

If he noticed Raven's death glare pointed at him, he paid no attention to it, uncrossing his arms and continuing.

"But…more importantly…"

He jabbed a finger at the other three, clearly going for ultimate dramatic effect.

"What the hell kind of introductions were those? You just told me everything about you, but you gave me nothing! I know as much about your characters and personalities as I did when I woke up!"

He then clasped his hands together and started hopping around, his voice taking a mocking, high-pitched tone.

""OOOH, lookit me! This is my name and this is where I was born and this is what I do! I like puppies and kitties and ponies and there's this guy in my class and he's just sooooooo dreamy!""

The other three simply stared at the mocking spectacle before them. Crona tilted his head, then leaned over to whisper in Raven's ear.

"Why is he hopping?"

Raven wondered why that, of all things, was what was bothering him, and shrugged in reply. They noticed that he had stopped mocking them, and was now standing on top of his seat.

"Watch and learn, kiddies. This is how you do an introduction."

The young man pointed a single finger skyward, ready to do an overly dramatic introduction. Crona couldn't help but notice something oddly familiar about all of this.

"The stormy skies…the raging seas…the stars burning bright throughout all of space…they all tremble before me! Make note of this day! For you stand before the greatest space pirate in all of the universe!"

His finger curled back to his hand, only for his thumb to stick out, which he jabbed at himself.

"I am…Captain Subarashii!"

He then reached into his jacket to pull out both his sword and gun (_wait, how did he get those back?_ Raven thought), twirling them both around before crossing and pointing them at the others.

"Yoho! Intergalatic bitches better re-cog-nize!"

Silence permeated the theater, the captain clearly waiting for some sort of response from the others. Finally, Ragnarok, in an unusually reserved tone, offered his thoughts on the performance.

"That is, quite possibly, the stupidest thing I have ever seen."

Not the response the young captain expected. He also wasn't expecting what was clearly an attempt to stifle laughter to come from Raven. He gritted his teeth in fury.

"You assholes mock my intro? It was light-years better than yours!"

Crona mumbled something to himself, looking off to the side.

"Hey! What did you just say? You mocking me?"

Raven snickered, her attempts to not laugh at the ridiculousness clearly failing miserably.

"Honestly? Subarashii? What, did you type a word in Google translator and use that as your name, in an attempt to sound foreign or cool? Yeah, that always works out!"

The other three turned their heads to look at Raven, the surprise and confusion written on their faces easily matching Raven's own.

_Wait, where did THAT come from?_ she wondered. That wasn't the sort of thing she would normally say.

She was brought out of her thoughts by a distinct ripping sound, turning to notice that Crona had opened the other envelope. The group gathered around Crona (he tried to mask his nervousness at being so close to strangers as best as he could) to read the contents.

_If you are reading this, then I assume you have done as the previous letter asked. With that in mind, I will now explain the purpose of your presence._

_I am, in mind and spirit, a scientist. So, consider this a social experiment. You have been called here to review some…poor attempts at writing fiction. Your responses will be filmed and shown to eager viewers. I expect you all to be as vicious as you possibly can on these affronts to literature. Because as we all know, negativity is popular. _

_This area in which you stand is something of a neutral ground between your respective worlds. Each of you may enter this area, but only in accordance to my will. As such, I ask that you arrive here at least once or twice a week. I ask only for time, nothing more, and nothing less._

_To make such a job easier for you, I have implanted information pertaining to the various fandoms and terminology involving such in your minds. I expect by now you've noticed some slight differences, but I assure you, these will only pop up when needed. This will serve to explain things for the viewers lost in confusion, as well as for those who worry that you may be acting out of character._

_I assure you, however, that these efforts will not go unrewarded. Any proceeds received from advertising or funding will go towards the expansion of this space, in order to allow more to cross over into this world, and possibly into other worlds. My dream is to travel through every universe and alternate dimension conjured up and brought into existence. With your help, I feel I can achieve such a dream._

_You may ask, why should you care? Let me answer your question with a question of my own:_

_Have you ever made a difficult choice? One that had significant changes to your life? I'm certain you have. Have you ever stopped and wondered what would've happened if your choice was different? If you turned left instead of right, or vice versa? I'm sure you have. If things go as planned, one day, you may find out. This expansion could reach into alternate versions of your own respective worlds, giving you such answers._

_I defy you to tell me that you are not even the slightest bit curious at the possibilities._

_That's not all. With the expansions into other worlds, the chance to meet strange and interesting beings increases. You yourselves are already examples of that. If this space was not created, if you were not brought here, you wouldn't have met, and you never would have met. And while the three of you may not get along now, taking your respective personalities into account, I know that you are all good people deep down. I'm certain this will benefit you all in the future._

_I ask, no, I beg of you to not let this opportunity slip by. Things may get difficult and, in some cases, traumatic, but I assure you, the end result will be wonderful._

_Snacks and drinks will be provided._

The group finished reading the letter, then all looked at one another. The wheels were turning in each of their respective heads, all of them processing what they discovered. Finally, after a few moments of contemplative silence, the captain spoke.

"Well…to be honest, this sounds pretty hokey to me."

He crossed his arms, staring at the letter that was now resting on the table.

"I mean, travelling to other worlds and all that? Hell, I'm a space pirate! I go to other planets all the time! This is nothing to me!"

He then raised a hand to his face, thumb under his chin and a finger resting on his lips.

"Still…the man has ambition. I can certainly respect that. And he's right, he's definitely peaked my curiosity. I want to see where this goes now…"

Raven looked over at Crona, who was looking off to the side. She would never admit this aloud, but the man had a point. She was curious about some of the choices she had made in her life, particularly some of the more…negative ones. And from the depressive feelings she could sense coming from Crona, she imagined he was the same.

It looked like none of them were going anywhere.

"Hey! Numbnuts!"

The three of them looked up at Ragnarok, who had grabbed the letter while they were lost in thought.

"Are you guys blind or something? There's more on the other side!"

He flipped the letter around as they gathered again to read.

_If you are reading this part, then I assume you have accepted this offer. Words cannot describe my gratitude for taking part in such an endeavor._

_Your first story will be a short one to get you started. It's a Harry Potter fanfic by one SongofthePast, titled Crimson Blood._

_I wish you luck._

The group let out a collective groan after reading the letter, not looking forward to what they could already tell was a bad one.

"Geez, he's throwing us right into the eye of the storm, isn't he?" the captain grumbled. "He couldn't give us something more obscure for the first time around?"

"I guess the thought process was to start with something everyone would be familiar with to make it easier." Raven replied.

"Who cares? Let's just get started so we can end this shit already!" Ragnarok interjected. "And where are those damn snacks he promised?"

Almost on cue, a loud KA-CHING echoed through the room, and the group turned to see a large table filled with various snacks one would expect to see at a movie theater, somehow situated on the wall beside the stairs they came down.

The captain rubbed his hands together in anticipation.

"Yoho, now this is more like it!"

After the group all grabbed their respective treats (which took longer than expected, due to Ragnarok stealing their food and them having to get seconds), the group sat down together, the captain taking the front seat closest to the stairs and Crona and Raven sitting beside him. After a few moments, the room darkened, and the spectacle began.

/

**This 1 is a rlly serius fic.**

Subarashii: Oh, that's a good start.

**Its really sad you guys i cried when I wrote it.**

Raven: Because you were sad? Or because you were happy you were finally done this form of masochism?

**My friend is also a cutter**

Subarashii: …oh, _fuck_.

Crona: "Cutter"? What's a cutter? Someone who uses sharp things?

Raven: Something like that…

Crona: …am I a cutter?

Subarashii: God, I hope not.

**so ths is an issue vaery close to me.**

Crona: I'm still confused…Subarashii, you use a sword, are you a cutter?

Subarashii: Like fuck I am! Do I look like some whiny emo bitch to you?

Crona: Uh…

**I also have freinds that do drugs**

Raven: That's hardly an excuse for what we're about to see.

**aokat and I know**

Subarashii: …huh?

Crona: What does "aokat" mean?

Raven: I have no idea.

**what I'm taliking about!**

Subarashii: Sure ya do, kiddo. Sure ya do.

**PS: THANKS TO SARAH FOR FIXING MY SPELLING LUV YA GURL lol**

Crona: This Sarah person didn't do that good a job…

Raven: To say the least.

**WARNING CHARACTER DEATH**

Raven: Should we be taking that in the literal sense, or in the death of their canon character and personality?

Subarashii: Yes.

**Harry pulled on his backpack**

Subarashii: And it happened to be a bomb, which exploded and he died. The end.

Crona: I thought they had suitcases at Hogwarts?

**and walked into the common room and set it down on a chair**

Crona: He put a whole room down on a chair?

Raven: He's Harry Potter. He does these things.

Crona: But I thought he was in the room that he put on the chair, so is he sitting in the room on the chair that's in the room…AGH! I don't know how to deal with this!

Subarashii: Is that your catch phrase or something?

**and sat in a different chair and put his head in his hands.**

Subarashii: A detachable head? Harry's gotta be a killer at parties.

**Frodo walked**

Raven: Whoa whoa whoa, _what_?

Crona: Frodo? As in, Lord of the Rings Frodo?

Subarashii: Aw, thanks for mentioning this was a crossover, jackass! At least then I would've known that this was absolute garbage from the beginning!

*SELF-DEPRECIATVE HUMOR AWAY!*

Subarashii: …what the hell was that?

Crona: I d-don't know, but I'm scared…

**(HE GOES TYO THE SAME SCHOOL, OKAY!)**

Raven: Do we want to know why?

Others: Not really.

Raven: Somehow, I didn't think so.

**in and said "What's wrong?"**

Subarashii: "Well Frodo, I'm a boy wizard whose mother and father were killed by an evil snake version of Michael Jackson when I was one, and despite supposedly being the Chosen One destined to defeat him, people seem to love torturing me. What about you?"

**"I'm feeling really depressed" said Harry.**

Crona: I can't really blame him.

**"Me too. All the time." siad Frodo.**

Subarashii: "Ever since Elijah Wood made me look like a total wimp."

**"I feel so bad, man" said Harry. Harry a little baggy out of his lunch box.**

Raven: Never underestimate the power of animal crackers.

**"What's that?" asked Frodo.**

Crona: It's a plastic bag. It's made from a substance that you probably won't discover for another few millennia, and you keep stuff in it. Like animal crackers.

Subarashii: Please don't keep that joke going.

**"Some weed. You wanna smoke with me?"**

Subarashii: Hey, there's an idea! That might actually make this fic enjoyable!

**"Yeah." they went out onto the balcony and rolled a blunt. They puff puff passed for a while and soon they were very much high.**

Crona: "Blunt"? "Puff puff passed"? Is this a game or something?

Raven: Not exact-…*sniff sniff* Subarashii, _what the hell_?

Subarashii: What? I said it would make this fic enjoyable.

*joint is zapped out of Subarashii's hands*

Subarashii: Hey! Do you have any idea how much that shit cost? I had to call in favours from people I'd never met before, from planets I didn't even know existed! You can't just knock that out of-

Raven: Moving on!

**THE NEXT DAY**

Subarashii: They died of cancer. The End…please?

**In the great hall Harry and Frodo were wearing black robes with red cuffs and collars.**

Subarashii: Goddammit!

Crona: Isn't that what Harry always wears?

Raven: Not according to the movies.

**They were unusually quiet and were only talking to each other.**

Crona: But…if they were talking, doesn't that mean-

Subarashii: Digging too deep, kid. That's probably the least of our worries.

**Then Siriues Black came in**

Subarashii: Wait! When was this written?

Crona: Uh…the description at the top said 2006…

Subarashii: So the fifth book should've been out?

Raven: Yep.

Subarashii: See? Told you there was more to worry about!

**(HE'S NOT DEAD OKAY?)**

Subarashii: What? Is he the wizard version of Elvis? Or Tupac? Or James Brown?

Others: *look at Subarashii oddly*

Subarashii: …he's alive in my heart, goddammit!

**and came**

Subarashii: AGH!

**up to Frodo and Harry.**

Subarashii: Oh.

Crona: …I don't get it.

Raven: *groans*

**"You guys want some excstacy or acid?"**

Raven: "Because I totally have no problems dealing drugs to my underage godson and his friend who looks like he should be in elementary school."

**Harry and Frodo bought some and went back to their dorm room.**

Crona: I didn't know Hogwarts was a college.

**They each took some of acid and excstacy.**

Subarashii: And you see the end result before you. You poor bastards.

**Soon their boyfriends (Sam and Draco)**

Raven: Aw, and here I was expecting Snape and Aragorn! Thanks for the disappointment.

Others: *stare at Raven oddly*

Raven: …joke.

**came in and founf out that they were doing drugs.**

Crona: That sounds painful. I'm not sure I can deal with this "founfing" thing.

**"You need to change your ways, Harry, otherwise it's over."**

Subarashii: "If you stop doing drugs, this descent into madness and debauchery called a fanfic will be over much sooner!"

**"I can't Draco, I can't. This is who I am and if you still don't love me you can go to hell."**

Raven: "It's down the hall, to the left, and if you passed the big truck you've gone too far."

**Draco ran out of the room crying.**

Subarashii: "At least my leather pants still love me!"

*TVTropes references: 1*

**Sma said**

Crona: That sounds like something you'd say when you want to dismiss someone. Like, someone says you have goofy looking hair, and you say "Sma!"

Subarashii: …what the hell are you talking about?

**"I know you are a better person than drugs, so please stop."**

Raven: "Drugs is a jerk, you're totally better than him!"

**"I'm sorry, it is who I am as well."**

Subarashii: "I yam what I yam!"

Raven: Wow, really?

Subarashii: Shut up, I just want this to end.

**The NEXT DAY**

Subarashii: AIDS! Bear attack! Frickin' sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! Anything, just let them be dead!

**Harry and Frodo remembered that their boyfriends left them last night.**

Subarashii: FUUUUUUUUUU-

Crona: Wouldn't that imply that they forgot at some point? That doesn't sound like a very good boyfriend.

Raven: You learn fast.

**Then they threw away all the drugs and tried to stay clean.**

Crona: Simple and clean?

Raven: Huh?

Crona: …this random knowledge thing is weird.

**It was too much and they felt they had no more hope.**

Subarashii: "Frodo, I asked you to refill the hope jar two days ago!"

Raven: "I thought you were taking care of it!"

**Frodo pulled out a box of razor blades.**

Subarashii: Aaaaaaand here we go.

**"Harry" he siad. "Tell Sam I love him I am going to leave this world"**

Raven: "I love him so much I'm going to break his heart by killing myself."

**"Wait, I'm going to join you. Thew world doesn't understand us. But, we should at least leave a note for our lovers"**

Subarashii: "We wouldn't want to be rude to our boyfriends when we're committing suicide!" … *stands up* Viewers, any of this getting through to you?

**The note siad:**

**"OIur hearts are stained with black**

**We won't be coming back**

**Just always know**

**we love you so**

**Love,**

**Frodo and Harry"**

Raven: …wow, I have to admit, after reading that, I do feel depressed…because that was the _worst piece of poetry I have ever read in my entire life_!

**After they wrote the note Frodo took one of the razor blades and drew it in one long swipe upon his wrist flesh.**

Crona: *winces*

Subarashii: Because he can totally handle taking an artifact of power that's slowly corrupting his mind to a freakin' volcano, but drug abuse and losing his boyfriend? Fuck that shit.

**The blood poured onto his hand as he pulled out another razor blade for Harry.**

Subarashii: Honestly, would you really bleed that much from a cut on the wrist, even if you hit a vein?

Raven: …why are you looking at me like I'd know?

**Harry dug the sharp metal into his skin and watched with satifaction as the blood pooled by his knees.**

Crona: I have to admit, that seems a bit excessive.

Subarashii: To say the least.

**The NEXT DAY**

Subarashii: Wait, why is there a next day? They're dead! Game over! The Fucking End! _Why is this still continuing_?

**Sam and Draco found their bodies and held their bodies and held tehir still bleeding forms.**

Raven: Oh sweet Azar, so much wrong with that sentence…

Crona: Aren't their bodies and "still bleeding forms" the same thing? Did they clone themselves before they died and the clones died too? Or are Sam and Draco holding their own bodies? Or-

Subarashii: How are they still bleeding? If they're dead, there should be no more blood! _That is not how dead bodies work, goddammit_!

**They decieded that if they couldn't be with them during life they would join them in death.**

Subarashii: Oh God, not more drug abuse and wrist-cutting!

**THE END**

Subarashii: …oh sure, NOW you end it! Yeah, just kill off the other two off-screen and that's the end! Do you have any comprehension of writing at all?

Crona: Wait…technically they didn't show them getting killed, so they might not have…

Subarashii: …but…that means…

Raven: Oh no…

All: SEQUEL HOOK!

/

The lights slowly came back on as the three laid back in their chairs, snacks long gone and all of them completely exhausted. They sat in silence for a good minute before the captain spoke up.

"So, final analysis?"

Raven started counting on her fingers.

"Let's see…terrible grammar, lack of knowledge regarding Hogwarts as a school, unmentioned crossover, underage drug abuse, dead characters coming back to life as drug dealers, minors purchasing drugs, stupidity in regards to relationships, some of the worst poetry imaginable, wrist-cutting, and finally, suicide."

Raven sighed and turned to the others.

"Is it sad that I know that there's worse?"

Crona shuddered at the thought of seeing worse than what they just witnessed.

"B-But we can agree that this was really bad, right?"

They all nodded in consent. Soon, the captain got to his feet, stretching while doing so.

"So, see you guys next time?"

Raven and Crona looked at each other, before looking at the captain.

"You really want to do this again?" Raven asked.

The captain shrugged. "Eh, like you said, it could've been a lot worse. Besides, I got some free food out of it. Wasn't all bad."

The captain yawned his goodbye before ascending the stairs and heading out the door at the top.

Raven frowned. Did she really want to go through this again? Sit in a theater with two people she barely knew? One of which was an arrogant pirate, and the other a neurotic kid with another person sticking out of his back?

She had to admit, however, that the captain did have a point. It wasn't _that_ bad. It didn't take that long, and they wouldn't have to deal with anything really bad…she hoped, anyway.

She got to her feet, grabbing her book and heading for the stairs. She was stopped, however, by Crona crying out.

"W-Wait a second, please!"

Raven frowned, turning to Crona.

"What is it?"

Crona got to his feet, fidgeting nervously.

"Um…w-when you came here…d-d-did you p-pass a…b-b-bathroom?"

Raven blinked, the fidgeting suddenly making a lot more sense to her. She then sighed and waved for Crona to follow her.

"I'll show you where it is…"

Crona quickly followed her as she walked up the stairs, catching up to her in short time.

"You know, you probably shouldn't have had the extra large drink..."

"B-But I was really thirsty! And I knew Ragnarok would want some too-"

A distinctive _splortch_ was heard as Ragnarok burst from Crona's back.

"Ew, you think I want anything that had your slobber on it? That's disgusting!"

"I was just trying to be nice…"

"What good has that ever done? Since when has you being nice ever done anything worth-"

Their voices were drowned out as Raven closed the door behind them.

The chaotic nature permeating the room soon disappears, and the cameras fade to black.

/

Whew! How's that for a start?

So yeah, I know I found this one myself, but I'd really like for you guys to send me suggestions. It'd make this a lot easier on me and I'd like to get you guys to participate in this. I'm sure it'd be a lot more enjoyable that way.

See you guys whenever this updates next (hopefully a week at the most).

P.S. I'd like to think we could get through this without bringing attention to Crona's gender, but just for the sake of making things easier, I'm gonna go with my default answer of him being a guy. It really doesn't matter either way, though.


	3. Thoughts

Mr. Corner was looking particularly inviting right now.

Rather uncharacteristically for Crona, instead of curling up in Mr. Corner and just hoping his worries would disappear, he was instead sitting on his bed, knees to his chest. And instead of trembling because of some horrific nightmare or a stray, bad idea that crawled into his mind, he was simply thinking. Thinking of what had happened to him just a few days ago, and what could happen to him in a few more days.

This was something new to Crona. He hadn't had any real responsibilities before, so sitting down and thinking about what to do next was something completely different for him. (if the random knowledge was working right then, he would've noticed the reference) He usually just let things come to him, or, more accurately, was dragged along with whatever crazy events were happening in his life. But to actually make a decision himself…

The events at the theater had been…interesting. That was probably the nicest way he could've put it. It wasn't bad, but it was somewhat tiring, at least in an emotional sense. The letter there had asked him to come back at least once a week, and it was almost time to go back. The question was, should he go back?

Crona knew two reasons why he definitely shouldn't be going back.

The first was his friends. Though he had only been gone for a short time the last time around (about a couple of hours or so, according to Ragnarok), he came back to his relieved friends, who had been worried about where he'd wandered off to. At first he thought nothing of it, but there was a nagging thought in the back of his mind that said something he didn't like: they thought he ran away again. The particularly tight hug that he got from Maka seemed to confirm this (not that he minded at the time).

He shuddered involuntarily. He was definitely _not_ going to make that mistake again. He thought he was extremely lucky to have been forgiven the first time around. For them to forgive him again was nothing short of a miracle, and he was not about to go and wreck that.

But then, something strange happened.

Maka had asked him where he went, and seeing the relief on her face that followed what he assumed was panic, he had every intention of telling her. But…he couldn't. For some unfathomable reason, he couldn't tell any of them. He could tell them that he didn't run away from Death City, but he couldn't actually tell them "I went to that weird movie theater in the southwest corner". He wanted to, but he suddenly couldn't find the words. It was almost like he had forgotten where exactly he went as soon as he tried to place it into words. He tried not to think about that too much. The implications were not pleasant.

So he didn't want to go and worry his friends again. The other problem was his two partners in crime for the events. He still wasn't sure if he wanted to have anything to do with them. They were…confusing.

The captain was loud, angry, rude, and more than a bit arrogant. He reminded Crona of Black*Star, only meaner. Even when they fought, Black*Star tried his hardest to be nice to Crona in an effort to coax him back. He wasn't sure if the captain would've done the same in that situation. Still, he didn't seem to be evil or anything. Just rude.

The other one was a bit more complex. His first impression was that she was a lot like Maka. She liked books, he could tell that much, and she had a definite temper that he couldn't help but admire. But then, after a few minutes with her, he realized that he couldn't have been more wrong. Maka was…warm, to him. Like a warm spring day, cheerful and inviting. But this girl…this Raven…if Maka was spring, she was winter. Cold, bitter, and in some ways, dangerous. And while there were spots of warmth here and there, for the most part, you didn't want any part of it. You could find more warmth if you looked hard enough, but he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to look.

So, all this being fresh in his mind, why was he thinking about going back at all?

Whoever put him up to this had practically begged him to do it, and it just felt wrong to turn his back on that. Despite messing with his mind in ways he definitely did not want to think about, someone had asked him to do something.

He sighed. Maybe Ragnarok was right. Maybe he _was_ weak-willed.

If he went back, he was risking the trust of his friends, something he simply could not afford to lose. What if they didn't forgive him this time? What if they assumed he was working with the witches again, and they start getting angry at his inability to tell them, and they start attacking him, and they conspire to throw him out, and everyone hates him, and Maka won't even look at him anymore-

He furiously shook his head. This was getting him nowhere.

Finally, he got to his feet and left the room, looking for Maka. He figured that talking about this with her after a Maka Hug (and some ice cream, if he felt brave enough to ask) would be better than just sitting in his room all day.

/

If anyone saw what she was doing right now, she knew she'd never hear the end of it.

After all, Raven was the moody bookworm. She was the one who holed herself up in her room for meditation and whatever thick book she could get her hands on. The idea of her using a computer was just…strange.

But, if there was any place to get information, it was the internet.

And so, Raven sat in front of the computer, looking for any information that she would consider "new". Regarding pop culture or whatever TV shows were on, anyway.

She couldn't help but feel stupid at the whole scenario. She tried as hard as possible to ignore or avoid pop culture in general, and now she had to look it up just to see if she didn't already know everything about it.

That was what had been bothering her since last weekend. The supposed knowledge that had been implanted into her brain. Just how far did it go? What was she supposed to do to use the knowledge? Would she have even noticed that it was there?

She was an expert at controlling emotions. She had created a world inside her mind where she could speak to each version of herself directly to assess any situation. Emotion was nothing difficult for her. But knowledge? Not so much. Granted, she had a part of her that was supposed to represent her "smart side", but that was more her cunning that her knowledge. That wasn't an emotion at all, it was a quantity. You had a certain amount of knowledge, and you could add to it, or forget some over time. It wasn't something you just called up automatically when the situation called for it.

And yet, if her fruitless efforts were telling her anything, whoever asked her to do this had done just that. He had put a certain amount of knowledge in her mind that wouldn't appear unless it was needed. And that disturbed her. Someone had not only entered her mind and put something new there, but designed it in such a way that it worked as an emotion. That was simply impossible.

Which led her to one conclusion: whoever this person was, they were insanely powerful.

The question remained, however: did she want to go back?

The others didn't seem to mind that much that she was gone for how long she was. She was very lucky that there wasn't a supervillain attack while she was gone, otherwise she would've had some problems. They didn't ask where she'd been, they just let her be. She appreciated that they weren't about to pry, though she did wonder where they thought she was. (probably a coffee shop, knowing the reputation that had been built for her)

They weren't a problem. The people she was working with might be, however.

She had pretty much already decided that she did not like the captain. It was like someone took Speedy's arrogance (and red hair, to boot), Beast Boy's annoying sense of humour, and Robin's frustratingly iron determination, and threw them all into one person. The worst aspects of people she knew quite well all in one, and because of that, she knew he was going to be getting on her nerves a lot.

Crona intrigued her, though. His overall naïveté reminded her a lot of Starfire, though there was a key difference between the two. While Starfire had been lacking in knowledge of Earth customs, Crona just seemed naïve, period. It was a bit worrying how he knew so little of life in general, to the point that Raven assumed he had lived a very sheltered childhood. What could have caused him to be the way he is?

And for that matter, why was she so curious about it? Was it really any of her business? Maybe it was just her desire to help people that came with being a superhero. Maybe it was this strange mothering instinct she'd picked up from her adventure with Melvin, Timmy, and Teether. (a part of her was still wondering how that happened) Or maybe she saw a bit of her old self in Crona, a shy, insecure person who really needed someone's attention.

Whatever the case, above all else, she wanted to know more about whoever set them up. If this person could implant knowledge into their minds, what else could he do? What else had he already done? Just how much power allowed one to do this?

She'd have to tell the others what was going on. Hopefully she could convince them to let her handle it on her own, but knowing them, they'd want to come along and make sure everything was alright. She appreciated it, without a doubt, but this…it felt like something she had to do alone.

And it frustrated her that she didn't know why.

/

The captain stared out into the endless void that was space, fingers drumming on the dashboard of his ship.

He looked around at the empty room, the room that would be the bridge for a grand vessel such as his. He looked around at the places where his crewmates would be, his first mate, his navigator, his doctor, his shipwright. He looked at the empty spaces where those positions should be filled.

He looked ahead, into the void, and he thought.

His options lay before him, his desires closer than he believed. His dream still remained unknown.

"Computer." he called out. No answer. Nothing indicating that it was listening to him.

It never did respond to him. Not verbally, anyway.

"Set a course for the theater from before. Normal speed." he ordered.

He felt the ship turn, watched the void shift in front of him. At the speed he selected, he'd get there just in time.

After all, he had to make a good entrance.

/

Yeah, this isn't another review, it was just an idea I had.

A review will be up later in the week.


	4. Story 2: Black Hole Sun: Part 1

Alrighty, we got ourselves another fic to rip to shreds. This is gonna take a while, so let's hop to it!

WARNING: There is a ton of sexual content in this one. I cut out the straight up lemon content, but it doesn't change that much. If you don't want to see it, feel free to run now.

Prepare for the worst, then prepare for worse than that. Let's go.

Oh, and since I forgot last time, no, I don't own Teen Titans or Soul Eater. Sadly.

/

_What am I doing here?_ Crona asked himself for the fifth time.

He looked around at the empty theater. Like last time, he had been the first to arrive, which left him plenty of time to wonder why he had bothered coming. Like last time, there was a letter waiting on the table, only no notes saying to wait for everyone to arrive or anything. He hadn't opened it, though, figuring that the "wait for all to arrive" was a now-unwritten rule that they should follow.

Not that it really mattered, because he'd been waiting for a while now and there was no sign of the other two. He hadn't brought a watch or anything (again), so he didn't know how much time had passed, but judging from the way Ragnarok was drumming his fingers impatiently on his head, he guessed it'd be a long while.

"Gah! This is so fucking stupid!" Ragnarok bellowed out. "Face it, Crona! Those other two hightailed it back to wherever they came from and never looked back, and you're the only dumbass who decided to do this again!"

For the most part, Crona tried to ignore Ragnarok whenever he went on a rant like this, but this time he couldn't help but wonder if he had a point. Sure, the captain had asked if they were coming back, and Raven didn't seem to mind that much, but why would they want to purposely read something terrible? It didn't make a lot of sense, now that he thought about it.

He sighed, and started to get to his feet. He'd go back home, ignore any more letters that came, and then go see what Maka was up to-

The click that came with the door opening froze him in mid-movement. He quickly got back into his seat as Raven walked down the stairs to the front row. He looked up at her as she walked towards her seat. (he noticed she'd brought more than one book this time)

"Hello, Crona." she said to him.

"H-Hello…"

She sat down in her seat, plopping her books on the seat beside her. She grabbed one and opened it up, quickly immersing herself in her story of choice.

"Hey!"

She looked up from her book and noticed Ragnarok glaring down at her.

"What's the matter with you? You can't say hi to me, too?" he demanded.

Raven raised one of her eyebrows, then pointed a finger at Ragnarok, a rather unsure look on her face.

"Ragnarok, right?"

"What do you mean, "right"? You telling me you can't even have the goddamn courtesy to remember my name? You're such a bitch!"

Raven sighed, turning back to the book as Ragnarok continued ranting at her. Crona simply placed his face in his hands, already embarrassed at how things had so quickly deteriorated. Raven turned her head slightly, eyeing Crona.

"Every day with him?" she asked.

Crona sighed and nodded his head slightly, still keeping his face in his hands.

Raven patted Crona's shoulder gently, trying to offer some sort of comfort to the shy swordsman. Crona looked up, surprised at the touch.

"You have my sympathies." she told him with a slight smile on her face.

Crona blushed, quickly looking down at his feet, but nodding in response. "T-Thank you…"

"HEY! Don't talk about me like I'm not here, goddammit!" Ragnarok shouted at the two.

"Crona, did you hear something?" Raven asked in as best an innocent voice as she could muster.

"Um…"

"THAT'S IT! I'm gonna enjoy ripping your soul apart, cu-"

Ragnarok had made a very fatal mistake while he was screaming at Raven. He had reached over and grabbed a handful of her hair in order to better get her attention. That was not a good idea.

Raven's eyes quickly glowed black and white, an indication that that familiar black energy was at work. This explained why Ragnarok's head was suddenly enveloped in said energy, and why he suddenly turned around and started bashing his own head into the back of Crona's seat.

After eight good smacks (it was here Crona realized that, if they ever met, Kid would've found a new soulmate), Raven let Ragnarok go, who wobbled a bit before muttering some curse at Raven and retreating into Crona's body. Raven carefully ran a hand through her hair before returning to her book.

"S-Sorry about him…" Crona muttered.

Raven sighed. "It's alright. I'm used to dealing with various idiots."

That was all that was said for a good while. Raven had resumed reading her book, and Crona was left unsure of what to do or say. On the one hand, he didn't want to disturb her, thinking that that was partially why she had gone after Ragnarok. He knew how Maka would get if someone interrupted her reading while she was in a bad mood. On the other hand, this Raven was being nice to him, and he wanted to at least attempt to make a friend.

After about fifteen minutes, Crona decided to speak up. "Um…"

Raven looked up from her book. "Yes? What is it?"

"Uh…you s-said something l-last week…about…p-poetry."

Raven raised an eyebrow. "Just that I read enough of it to know when someone is terrible at it. Why, is it the same with you?"

"S-Something like that…uh…my friend t-told me to write p-poetry whenever I was feeling…depressed…"

"That's good advice. So you're saying you've written poetry before?"

Crona blinked, quickly realizing the mistake he made. "Uh…j-just one…"

And then Raven asked the one question Crona wished she wouldn't ask. "May I see it?"

Yeah, he was in trouble now.

"Th-That's not a good idea! I showed everyone I know, and they all got really, really depressed…"

Raven frowned, confused. "Not to sell your abilities short, Crona, but I doubt it was that bad."

Crona shook slightly, remembering what happened last time. "They all wished they had never been born…"

Raven raised an eyebrow. She had a feeling that Crona was trying to oversell his poetry skills, but the fear coming off of him indicated he was sincere. Maybe the ones who read it overreacted?

"I'm pretty sure I can handle it." she replied, holding out a hand palm up. "C'mon, I want to see it."

Crona sighed, giving up. Well, he tried…

"I…I didn't bring it with me." he muttered. "Do you have anything to write on…?"

When he was presented with a notepad and pen, a part of him had to wonder where exactly Raven hid it. But he paid it no attention, taking the pad and pen, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible.

He remembered the poem all too well, so it didn't take him long to recreate it. He nervously handed the pad and pen back to Raven, then curled up on his chair, waiting for the other foot to drop.

Raven read the poem, brow furrowed as her eyes moved down the page. After a few moments, she very quietly placed the pen and pad with her other books, then faced forward.

"Crona…?"

"Y-Yes?"

"I'm not about to regret the fact that I was born."

Crona blinked, looking up. "Really?"

He then noticed that Raven had pulled her hood up while he had been looking away.  
>"Really. However, I am going to need a few moments of complete and total silence. Can you do that for me?"<p>

Crona noticed that her voice had been wavering a little bit. He gave a meek nod, not sure what was about to happen.

Raven then closed her eyes, sat Indian-style, and, to Crona's incredible shock, started _floating_. He had to clamp both of his hands over his mouth to not give a shout of surprise. This girl could _fly_! Sure, he used to be able to fly, but he had to grow wings out of his back, and that wasn't very pleasant. Just what was this girl?

Raven paid no attention to Crona. All of her energy was focused inwards, and as she muttered her chant of "Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos", she had to try as hard as possible not to break down into tears.

It was true, she wasn't about to crawl in a corner and curse her very existence, but that didn't mean what she read didn't bother her. And as she slowly but surely calmed down, one question continued to run through her mind.

_What happened to this kid?_

WHAM!

Raven was abruptly brought out of her thoughts, causing her to fall back onto her seat. She and Crona both turned to notice that the third member of their little troupe, the self-proclaimed Greatest Space Pirate in the Universe™, one Captain Subarashii, had kicked the door open, large grin on his face.

"Yoho!" he called, as his odd form of greeting.

Raven had lowered her hood and was trying to not snap and go after this guy as he walked casually down the stairs. He stood in front of the two, grin still on his face.

"So, you both came back, huh?" he asked them. "Miss my awesome presence that much?"

Crona stared at Subarashii blankly while Raven gave a slight groan. "Sure, whatever makes you feel better." she muttered.

Subarashii frowned, but didn't worry about it too much. He turned and grabbed the letter off of the table, ripping it open.

"So, what's on the menu for today?"

_If you are reading this, I assume you have returned for another session. I thank you once again for agreeing to be a part of this._

_However, I want to be completely certain of your conviction. I feel I may have gone a bit easy on you last time. Therefore, consider this your true test._

_You will be reading a Twilight fanfiction called Forbiden Fruit: the tempation of Edward Cullen. I must warn you, this one is much worse than last time._

_I wish you the best of luck._

Suffice to say, the captain was not in a good mood, slapping the letter back on the table, teeth grit.

"Oh, just wonderful! Only the second session and he's already unleashing frickin' TWILIGHT on us!" he growled.

Raven looked up, frowning. "Aren't you jumping to conclusions here? Just because it's based on a particular story doesn't mean it'll be bad."

The captain turned to her, a skeptical look on his face. "It's Twilight. It will be bad. I can guarantee it."

Raven sighed in frustration as the captain plopped into his seat beside Crona. "Let's just get this show on the road already." he grumbled.

With that, the story began.

/

**AN hey guys this is the new improved verson of my story,**

Crona: Why do I get the feeling that won't matter much?

Raven: Because it won't?

**hope its better this time!**

Subarashii: Trust us, it won't be.

**btw i am young and have dyslexia i find spellin hard**

Raven: I'd like to take a minute and apologize to anyone out there who is actually dyslexic...but that's not an excuse for what we're about to see.

**but its meant2 be unformal ok!**

Subarashii: You mean like making up your own words?

Raven: Yep.

Crona: Why is it "unformal"? It's almost like she's making excuses for herself…

Subarashii: By Jove, I think he's got it!

**no critisism pls!**

Crona: Do all bad fanfic writers ask for no criticism? It's almost like even they don't have faith in their own work.

Subarashii: OK, you can stop pointing out the obvious now.

**tis story goes out 2 my bf zac(kisses!)**

Subarashii: And my sympathy goes out to Zac.

**amd my besfreind Tiffi LOVE YA GRRRL! EDWARD IS OUR GODD!(we wanna SEX him gud!)**

Raven: She says right after mentioning her boyfriend.

Subarashii: Hence, my sympathies to Zac.

**x x x x x x x love &blood becky mac! xxx x x xx**

Crona: …"love and blood"?

Raven: Honestly, we're just as lost as you are.

**UPDATE: I have a proofreader and I have cleaned up the spelling and grammer on this chaptor a hell of a lot as you will see**

Subarashii: Anyone going to point out the irony in this sentence?...No? Alrighty.

**(thank u vickie!)**

Crona: For what?

Raven: I'm assuming she's the "proofreader".

Crona: But…she didn't-

Raven: We know, just go with it.

**i will be imrpoving the next chaptors soon.**

Subarashii: And the reason you couldn't do this the first time around was…?

**Chapter 1 – Altantiana**

Subarashii: I suddenly don't want to know what the hell that is.

**Hey, my names Atlantiana Rebekah Loren**

All: Hi, Mary Sue!

**(but everyone calls me Tiana or just plain Tiaa).**

Subarashii: Sue it is, then.

**I am a 16 year old girl and I live in Forks, Washington!**

Subarashii: Anything noteworthy in Forks, Washington?

Raven: Not to my knowledge.

Subarashii: Self-insert!

**My hair is long and pale like spun gold**

Subarashii: Someone has a high opinion of themselves.

**and skims to my waist like a pale shimmering amber mist.**

Raven: What is with this idea that girls need to have long hair?

Subarashii: *shrugs* Long hair is sexy.

Raven: It just gets in the way. And it's a pain to take care of.

Crona: Did you have long hair, Raven?

Raven: Not of my own free will, no…

**My eyes are deep forgetminot blue**

Raven: And describing your eyes with flowers. Someone definitely has a high opinion of themselves.

**and my delicate fentures**

Subarashii: …her delicate windows?

Raven: No no no, that's _fenetre_. I think she meant to say features.

**are lilly white and pure as the winter snow in moonlight.**

Crona: You have to give her credit…she is being creatively descriptive.

Subarashii: It won't last. It never does.

**I've been told by loads of sleazy, ugly, HORNY guys that I'm real pretty and look like a model**

Subarashii: …there's going to be a lot of hamfisted feminism here, isn't there?

Raven: Yep.

Subarashii: Ah. Thanks for the warning, my testosterone and I are in your debt.

**or a bunny girl**

Crona: B-B-Bunny girl?

Raven: Uh, long story there, Crona-…Crona, what's the matter?

Crona: *curled up, mumbling*

Subarashii: Uh…OK, then…

**(some of the guys who like me are really old and try to make opt with me its disgusting and weird!)**

Subarashii: Oh, of course, because this girl is SO pretty that she turns grown-ass men into pedophiles. Totally not a Sue.

**but basically a lot of the girls I meet tell a different story.**

Raven: Can't say I'm surprised.

**They say I'm too ivory white and ethereal**

Crona: Does she even know what that last word means?

Subarashii: Doubt it.

**and that I look anorexic which i don't care about, but I think its seriously disrespectful to people with REAL eating disorders**

Raven: …I'm scared, guys.

Crona: Why?

Raven: Because she made a good point.

Crona: …that is scary.

**(btw i'm so totally not anorexic! I eat loads I just never gain weight**

Subarashii: Calling bullshit on that one.

**and I'm not thin enough to be anorexic anyways, I think they were just being BIATCHES**

Raven: High school girls being bitches? Stop the presses.

**especially this one ratty brain called Ellie Mayfair who I hope freaking DIES in PAIN with SHIT ON HER FACE!**

Subarashii: …OK, I have got to remember that one.

Crona: Self-insert?

Raven: Self-insert.

**Sorry, I'm not really such a batch**

Subarashii: If by that you mean "bitch", then yeah, bullshit again.

**but she is SO horrible if you met her you'd think the same!)**

Raven: Again, high school girl.

Subarashii: Someone doesn't have a very high opinion of the high school pecking order.

Raven: Are you saying I'm wrong?

Subarashii: …not really.

**Anyways I am quite tall and slim and but with really big boobs**

Subarashii: Double-D bullshit! …goddammit.

Raven: What?

Subarashii: We need a studio audience. I'm dropping comedy gold here and there's no one around to laugh.

Raven: Uh…right, then…

**that I used to HATE because they look noticeable on my slender body and draw to much attention**

Subarashii: "Which I totally don't want! Seriously! Really! I don't want people looking at my body, which is why I'm describing it in such detail!"

**but now i like them and don't care who stares at me!**

Subarashii: "Seriously, I don't-"

Raven: OK, OK, we get it.

**I have a lip ring**

Crona: Eh?

Subarashii: Like an earring, but for your lip.

Crona: …who would do that to their lip?

Subarashii: Kid, you'd be surprised what people are willing to make a hole in.

**and recently put black and indigo and magenta streaks in my long pale blond hair.**

Crona: Aw, what was wrong with just-wait, "pale blond"? Didn't she say it was gold before?

Subarashii: Yeah, so?

Crona: But that's a different shade! Her hair keeps changing colours and I don't know how to deal with that!

Subarashii: …you're gonna be saying that at least once per session, aren't you?

**I smell like mint and cinnamon.**

Raven: "It's all because I was born in a spices factory!"

**I wear mostly black and hot pink, deep purple and neon blue**

Subarashii: My eyes hurt just thinking about it.

**and listen to COOL music!**

Raven: I'm sure your parents think your music is very good.

**It is my first day at school in forks as I just moved here to live with new foster parents Dave and Marie.**

Raven: This sounds familiar.

**They are nice and all very hole some**

Subarashii: …I can't even think of a joke for that.

**sweet people but it is not like having a real family.**

Raven: Dare we ask why?

**I've been hurt to many times to let people close to me and I don't talk to them very much.**

All: *groan*

**My real mom died when I was born and I never knew my real dad.**

Subarashii: Great, obligatory dark background. Why can't we get an original Sue?

Raven: Isn't that a contradiction?

**I sometimes wonder what he is like and if I will ever get to met him.**

Raven: Any bets on whether or not that will happen?

Others: No, thank you.

**Dave gave me a ride to school and I smiled faintly as he wished me good luck and I got out of the car and went into the school. Loads of people freaking stared at me as I walked down the hall.**

Subarashii: "Because I totally hate that-"

Raven: _We get it_.

**I was wearing tight black leather pants with silver chains at the waste and a red fishnet-like top and you could see my black lacy bra through it.**

Crona: Th-That can't be appropriate…

Subarashii: Can I make a comment on her totally not wanting attention now?

Raven: NO.

**I ignored whispers and the big pink cheerleader imbosils pointing at me.**

Crona: "Imbosil". That sounds like a poison.

Raven: You have no idea…

**I was used to it and I paid no at-tension**

Raven: Is she even trying anymore?

**to the guys asking desperately for my number(like hell I'd even LOOK at the horny little donkeys!)**

Subarashii: Yeah, how dare guys ask a girl out! What is the male population thinking?

Raven: I thought you and your testosterone would be tuning this out.

Subarashii: My testosterone is too prideful.

**and told a ditsy blond cheerleader called Jessica to STFU(!)**

Crona: …stif…stef…stuf…

Raven: It's an acronym.

Crona: Oh.

**when she called me a freak!**

Subarashii: "I was so enraged I flicked my waist-length multi-coloured hair!"

**Next time she tries anything I'll hit her in the eye cause NO ONE messes with me nemore!**

Raven: Except for whoever the antagonist is.

**My first day I was relay board,**

Crona: "Relay board"? That's an odd sounding game.

**I sat gazing out of the window into the gray cloud-embittered sky for most of the morning, My teachers all looked at me disprovable**

Crona: So she's saying she can't prove that her teachers were looking at her? Why does that matter?

Subarashii: Depends on the teacher, I guess. On a related note, fuck Mr. Kimura with a rusty pike.

**but said nothing cause they probably new I was a foster kid and a Gothic**

Raven: I have a very bad idea as to where this is going…

**and didn't want to upset me in case I cut them up as they slept,.**

Raven: Is that really what people think of Goths, or just her?

Crona: Good question.

**My ears are pierced four times,**

Subarashii: Aaaaaaand back to the description.

Crona: Four times? Why would people willingly stick sharp objects in their ears _four times_?

Raven: Do I look like someone adept in fashion?

**I have a tattoo of a scorpion(like S my birth-sign!)**

Crona: Letters are birth signs?

Raven: I think she meant to say…actually I have no idea what she meant to say.

**on my ankle and a Gothic cross on my shoulder,**

Subarashii: Crona, my good man! What are your thoughts on girls with tattoos?

Crona: …why?

Subarashii: Because I'm curious.

Crona: Actually, that was my answer…as in, "why do it"?

Subarashii: Ohhhhh. Not a fan, then.

Raven: No comment.

**and on my hand i have a weird birthmark in the shape of a seven-pointed star that I've had all my life.**

Subarashii: Uh, obviously you've had it all your life. That's what a BIRTHmark is!

**Your probably wandering why I'm bothering to tell you this,**

Crona: AH! She can read my mind! I don't know how to deal with that!

**well I tell you now I am no ordinary sixteen year old girl.**

Raven: No, really? I had no idea.

**I have a secret, a dark and forbidden secret witch I am only just beginning to understand.**

Subarashii: Of course you do, Sue. Of course you do.

**When I sleep I hear whispers in another language**

Crona: Oh, that. That just means you're crazy.

**and even though I understand them at the time, when I wake up i can't remember it!**

Raven: How terribly convenient. Or inconvenient. Not sure which.

Crona: Wait…if she can't remember it, how is she talking about it?

Subarashii: If you point out all the plotholes in this thing, we'll be here all week.

**I also see weird faces in my dreams that fade to nothingness when I open my eyes**

Crona: Another sign of insanity.

**and I swear out the corner of my eye my birthmark glows shocking bright gold and gets relay hot sometimes**

Raven: "Because my birthmark is special! Just like me! But I don't like people thinking about that or any sort of attention-"

Subarashii: HEY! I thought we were done with that joke!

**but when I look properly it is back to normal boarding scar-color!**

Crona: …"boarding scar-colour"?

Subarashii: Just as confused as you, kiddo.

**I am really gracefull like the running anti-lopes**

Raven: So we're just going to ignore that plot point for more description?

Crona: Oh no, not the anti-lopes! The lopes can't handle their anti counterparts!

**when I run very fast and am stronger and faster than most people.**

Subarashii: How much stronger and faster will probably change for the sake of convenience.

**I used to just think i was relay athletic but now I'm not so sure, I think there might be something else at work, something so much more mysterious and eeire.**

Subarashii: "Because there's no way I would actually get stronger or faster than the average person through hard work or anything! That would just be crazy!"

**The truth hovers so softly on the brink of my memory sometimes but if only i could remember the weird things that clung to the edge of my mind as I slept!**

Raven: …no snarky comment, that was just bad.

**At lunch I sat alone in the corner and scanned the cafeteria quietly with my eyes smoldering dark blue**

Crona: Uh, forgetmenots aren't that dark…wait, now her eyes are changing colours!

**beheath my long black lashes and my slim thighs curled under me.**

Subarashii: Someone needs to knock this one down a peg or two.

**It was the n I noticed an unbelievably jaw-droopingly hawt HAWT HAAAAAAAAWT dude**

Subarashii: Any bets on who it will be?

Others: No, it's obvious.

**with tusseted blondey-brown hair, golden yellow eyes like wells of hot caramel and pale sexy features.**

Raven: It's amazing how she can be so descriptive and yet so vague at the same time.

**He was tall and mussel**

Subarashii: OK, a shellfish fetish. That's a new one.

**and looked like he was wearing eyeliner**

Subarashii: OK, why do women find guys with eyeliner attractive? Seriously!

Raven: I have absolutely no idea.

**and my body got hot and cold all at once as I looked at him.**

Raven: Isn't she a little young to be experiencing that?

**I'd never felt this way about anyone before and I'd totally never felt this weird feeling that I'd met someone before but I had no idea where and i knew it was impassible because I'd freaking remember someone THAT hawt!**

Crona: …this is going to come into play later, isn't it?

Subarashii: Unfortunately, probably.

**A girl sat next to him with long brown hair with her arms dripped over him like a freaking flesh-eating plant**

Subarashii: Reowr! Hiss!

Crona: Interesting how she doesn't take five minutes to describe one of the other main characters of the series.

Raven: Yes, and I think the captain just explained why.

Crona: …by making cat noises?

Raven: Never mind.

**so i thought well whatevah, hes taken.**

Subarashii: And he'll stay taken throughout the entire story, right? Riiiiiight?

**She wasn't nearly as hawt as he was, she wasn't ugly though. I figured I was maybe prettier then her.**

Raven: Oh, of course you're prettier than her, Sue!

**I never really saw myself as beautiful but i'd guessed from thinks others had said, plus this girl wasn't great looking**

Crona: I think we get it: you don't like Bella. Doug Walker agrees with you.

**but anyways I'd never try to pilch with another girls' BF cause thats just low.**

Crona: How long before she breaks that promise?

Subarashii: My guess? Next chapter.

**So I got up to leave the hall thinking I'd go and smoke some bald drugs in the locker room while no one was there.**

Subarashii: …"bald drugs"? I…I don't even know what she was trying to say there.

**As I waked over to he exit I couldn't help but notice the hawt pale guys musky eyes as they met mine.**

Subarashii: Never mind, this chapter.

**I locked away hurriedly. I smocked dope in the locker room for a bit**

Subarashii: Hey, there's an-

Raven: NO.

Subarashii: …party pooper.

**then I wondered to my next class. I bumped into someone in the corridor and my bocks fell everywhere!**

Crona: That's…really, really clichéd.

**FRICK! FRICK! FRIIIICKK!**

Subarashii: Oh come on, you can actually curse, can't you? Like this.

*Subarashii stands on his chair and takes off his hat, placing it over his chest*

Subarashii: Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits. Praise be to Carlin.

Others: Praise.

**"WTF!" I screamed loudly,**

Subarashii: See?

Crona: Another acronym?

Raven: Yes, unfortunately.

**"watch where your FREAKING going you asshole!" (i have anger problems)**

Raven: Oh, thank you Sherlock! I never would've figured that out on my own.

**"I'm so so sorry" he said in a voice like wet heaven "please forgive me my lady"**

Subarashii: …there are just so many Unfortunate Implications with "wet heaven" that I don't even know where to start.

*TVTropes references: 2*

**It was the hawt pale guy!**

Subarashii: Ed, listen to me, man. This is your chance to redeem yourself. This is the chance you need to prove you're a real vampire. Rip out her throat right now and end this torture before it goes too far.

**AN - VINCENT or watever ur name is thanx 4 the LAME reviw. u totall D*** no one is MAKIN u reed this fic if you dont like it then leave.**

Crona: Does every bad fanfic writer say "don't like, don't read" when someone criticizes them?

Raven: I'm going to go out on a limb here and say yes. Mainly because it's a poor excuse for one's terrible work and shows one's level of maturity.

**Clestal zodiac and brittany j - thanx for the advice on my character but shes not a marysue,**

Subarashii: Mega-Ultra Bullshit!

**she's not "perfect" look she has anger problems**

Crona: But still has guys falling in love with her.

**and she looks the way she does 4 a reason i will explain it as the story goes on.**

Subarashii: Judging from what we've heard so far, and the subject this is based on, I'm sure we can guess.

**Chapter 2 – edward**

Subarashii: Rips out her throat?

**The anger faded form my sapphire eyes**

Crona: They changed colours again!

**"whatevah" i said sweatily "I didnt mean to yell and to be ride"**

Raven: …"sweatily"? How can you say anything "sweatily"?

**"thou are too beuatiful for that" he said,**

Crona: Since when did Edward speak Old English?

Subarashii: Since this idiot got a hold of him, apparently.

**and for once I didnt feel like cockdropping the guy for paying me a compilement, instead I just smiled.**

Men: AUGH!

Raven: I'm sure that wasn't what she meant…

**"I'm Ewdard Cullen" he mermered**

Crona: "I'm Edward's deformed Siamese brother!"

Subarashii: …ew.

**"who are thee?"**

**"Altatntiana Loren but you can call me Tiana or mabye Tiaa"**

Raven: Just Sue works fine.

**i said feeling shy at the way he was looking at me. I had seen THAT look in so many male eyes but never quite as intense or sexy! His eyes burned like hot gold velvet in the midday sun like peonix feathers and rainbows, so gold and magical.**

Subarashii: …really, lady? _Really_?

**"thou reminds me of bygone times" he said, carefully retching out a shaking hand and brushing my cheek**

Raven: Wow, look at that respect for personal space. I can see why Edward is considered great boyfriend material.

**"thy face is like an old painting, thou is exceptional""**

Crona: The Scream?

**"your not so shanky yourself**

All: Huh?

**but i couldn't help noticing you have a fricking GF, you ass! I saw u with her in the cafeteria!"**

Subarashii: You haven't been at this Sue thing for very long, have you?

**I notched his hand hard with my long black nails.**

Raven: Wow, way to show him. Claw at him with your nails. You're a real role model for feminists everywhere.

**"thee DID notice me then?" he purred with a sly grin.**

Subarashii: Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure "Edward Cullen" and "sly" do not belong in the same sentence.

Raven: No, no, I'd say you're spot on there.

**I was up against the wall with his face right close to me now. He wanted to sex me I could tell,**

Crona: I don't think I'm going to like where this is going…

Subarashii: Buck up, kid. It's practically an expectation of a terrible fanfic to have an equally terrible sex scene.

**and suddenly he was kissing me! I felt like my slim legs would break in half and my heart expanded like a big balloon.**

Subarashii: Sounds like the effects of a debilitating disease to me. There may be hope for this fic after all.

**I fell his hand sliding softly down my neck an underneath my top. He stoked my breasts for a few minutes**

Raven: Oh, yeah, look at that respect for personal space.

**and his man-carrot standing in action and hard as a rock against my legs.**

Subarashii: …man-carrot? …man-carrot. Really? Seriously. …I got nothing. Man-carrot. That says it all, really. Man-carrot. Seriously.

**And then he ripped my top and pulled it of me and doped it on the floor.**

Crona: Aren't they still at school? In the middle of the hallway…? With people able to see them?

Raven: Yeeeeep.

Subarashii: Man-carrot. Seriously…

**We made out for 10 minutes and then he tried to take of my bra but I pushed him away suddenly thinking WTF Tiaa are you just gonna let this total stranger take your cloths off in school where anyone could see you?**

Crona: Oh, hey, look, she listened to me!

Raven: Yeah, after ten minutes of making out. Have to love that brain power of hers. "Hmm, I've been kissing this random guy for about ten minutes now…wait, this isn't right!"

**I'd never let a guy kiss me before or touch me and suddenly I was letting this cheating sicko with a FRICKIN GF grope me just cause he was uber hawt with sexoy hair and cold as death!**

Raven: …you know, I'm starting to wonder if this person is doing this on purpose.

Subarashii: You saying this is a troll fic?

Raven: It's possible.

**I was acting like a biatch and a slut and I was suddenly very ashamed of my actions.**

Subarashii: So for you, it was Tuesday?

*TVTropes references: 3*

**-BASTARD! Never touch me again!" i gapsed**

Subarashii: "Until the next chapter!"

**"If thou thinks thou can keep thou hands of me!" he answered all smug,**

Raven: …I know Edward doesn't have much of a character to begin with, but this isn't him.

Crona: No, it's Ewdard! His deformed-

Raven: Got it, thank you.

**and I couldn't believe how he made me feel so angry and so aroosed at the same time.**

Subarashii: Arooooooooo?

Raven: Down, boy.

**At that moment I'd never HATED anyboy more in my whole life and the worst part of it was he was SO FREAKIN HAWT I was totally creaming my panties**

Subarashii: Falsehoods and bullshit!

**and he NEW it, this was horible! I felt disguised with myself and turned to leave.**

Crona: She's not going to stay this sensible for long, is she?

Raven: Nope.

**"Wait! I need to speck to thee! I no your secret tiaa"**

Subarashii: "Because I'm the main character! According to my fangirl legion, at least!"

**he said in a quiet voce gassing into my eyes**

Raven: Eyes that release some sort of gas? Never heard of that superpower before.

**"your one of my kind. who made thee ?are you part of a coven or on thou own?**

All: WHAT A TWIST!

**"what-is said sharply -dude your insane! And you freakin SMELL!**

Subarashii: OH SNAP! Bitch, no you di-idn't!

**(he didnt really smell but I didnt no what else to say!)**

Crona: "You have no personality"? You could just start from there.

**"thy a CAMPIRE tia! a VAMPIRE! BUT WHY CAN'T I READ THOU MIND? I THOUGHT BELLA WAS THE ONLY ONE BUT HERE THOU ARE! WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEEEEAN!"**

Subarashii: Did they ever actually explain why Eddy couldn't do that to Bella?

Raven: Possibly, but I forget.

**He punched the wall with his buckly fist and shouted suddenly furious and his eyes flickered red.**

Subarashii: Red Eyes Take Warning!

*TVTropes references: 4*

**I schlepped him hard across the face**

Raven: …there is absolutely no way that was unintentional.

**and tried to leave but he caught my waste and as I struggled and tried to hit him again he caught my hand in mid air and hammed me against the wall where his hand had already made a huge dint in the wall. His face was blunt and right heavy in mine. My knee came up hard against his massive throbbing gigglestick between his legs and he drubbed over in pan.**

Guys: *wince*

Raven: *snerk*

Guys: …

Raven: …what? Gigglestick! That's funny!

**I broke free and goaded my books and started rugging away to math, but edward hand finished with me.**

Subarashii: His _hand_ finished with you? Oh, the implications…

Crona: The unfortunate ones?

Subarashii: I already made the reference, it won't work a second-

*TVTropes references: 5*

Subarashii: Dammit!

**"TIAAAAAAAAAAA NOOOOOOOOO!"he screamed after me**

Crona: Edward Cullen is Darth Vader? I don't know-

Subarashii: _We know_!

**tearing his shrit of himself in fury and throwing it over my eyes.**

Raven: Uh…OK…

**I lost my sight and was behind me breathing into my ears.**

Crona: I was under the impression that that's a really creepy thing to do…

Raven: It still is.

**"i'm sorry tiaa" he wimpered sadly picking me up off the floor and gazing mutely into my eyes**

Crona: Which is why he's talking?

**"i didnt mean to rut thee! I'm so contemptuos!**

Raven: …huh?

**I APOLOGIZE! THIS IS JUST SO WEIRD!"**

Subarashii: NO SHIT!

**"YOUR so frickin weird you mean!" I snaped whitely**

Raven: …well, Snape was white, so I guess if you're going to Snape someone, you have to do it whitely.

Subarashii: Stop trying to put logic into this woman's actions, you're just going to hurt yourself.

**as he lay on the floor so hawt and crying with his shirt off with his pippling body.**

Crona: …"pippling"?

Raven: That sounds incredibly disgusting.

**I wanted to forgive him for calling me a vampire(VAMPIRE! I'd heard that one before from preppy losers asking if I sleep in a coffin and suck blood like LETSAT just cause I like eyeliner and listen to Linken Park)**

Subarashii: Pssh. Lestat. Wimp.

Raven: Not a fan, I take it?

Subarashii: Considering it was what pushed along the "humanization" of vampires in general, no, I'm not.

**and making fun of me and trying to force me against the wall and maybe plunder my crevises but i didnt.**

Subarashii: …OK, never heard that one before.

Raven: Really? _You_ haven't heard that one?

Subarashii: …are you making fun of my pirateness?

**I left him crying on the floor and went to find my class. As I entered math class i suddenly droped my bocks again as a flashing pain burned in my left hand as my brithmark glinted gold for a second**

Crona: Oh, that actually is a plot point?

**(NO JOKE!)**

Raven: Obviously it's not a joke. Do you see me laughing? …besides because of how bad this is?

**then I fell over. The pain was suddenly gone and some weirdo blond freak called Eric was helping me up and staring at me like a pervo rapist.**

Crona: Or he could just be trying to be nice and you're misinterpreting?

Subarashii: Nope, all men are horny rapists. Haven't you heard?

**I kicked him in the sholder (kung fu babie!)**

Subarashii: Bullshit Fu!

**as he gazed longingly after me. In his frickin dreams.**

Raven: Yeah, the dreams that usually occur after an all-night pizza binge.

**I sat down at the back of the class unable to think about anythin but my weird enconter with edward cullen, wondering what it all could mean.**

All: A really bad fanfic.

**AN what do u think**

Crona: A lot of things, but right now "why I got out of bed today".

**PLEASE R n R?**

Raven: No rest and relaxation for you, young lady! You get a time-out!

**.BIG SHoutout 2 my friend abigail gud luk for 2moro!)did u see i put the man-carrot thing in!)**

Subarashii: Fuck you, Abigail.

**LMAO! Also love 2 tiffi & rach(and zaccibaby of corse!) LOVE U GUYZ SO MUCH!X X X beckymac x x**

Subarashii: Die in a ditch.

**AN - hi guys hope u like this one im quite proud of it!**

Crona: She has rather low expectations, doesn't she?

**thanx for the suport from my frends love u girls!glad u like it!**

Subarashii: Remember, folks. Friends don't let friends write bad fanfiction.

**oh an VINCENT ur so dumb of course tiaa didnt go to math in only her bra shes not a total ditz!**

Raven: Oh, crap! We totally missed that!

Subarashii: AGH! Quick, someone come up with a joke!

Crona: Uh…um…Raven, help!

Raven: Uh…"oh, yeah, I'm totally not a slut or anything, and I'm not an attention whore, which is why I went to class in just a bra."

Subarashii: What was the point in you getting mad at me for keeping that going if you were going to turn around and do it?

**one more time...DONT READ IF U DNT LIKE IT!**

Raven: One more time…doesn't stop this from being crap.

**NO frickin flames what is the POINT of flamin ppl there is NO POINT so f off!**

Subarashii: Sure there is, but then again, your work is perfection, so clearly he doesn't know what he's talking about.

**Capter 3 – uncle larry**

Raven: Uh…that's not a Twilight character.

Crona: I don't think I like where this is going…

**I sa t alone watching tv at dave and maries house. I couldnt stop thinking about my encounter with Ewdard Cullen earlier that day. He was so beuatifull and sexoy with such amazing hair and eyes I could hardly believe he had notice someone like me!**

Subarashii: Well it's not every day that a vampire that has none of the weaknesses of his kind comes across a girl with an impossible physical figure and some weird magicky birthmark and wow, this is sounding really stupid when I say it aloud.

**But I was angry at how he had made me feel, how I'd burnt like crimson hot flame wean he touched me**

Crona: Flames don't burn that colour!

**and how he'd not listened to me when id' told him to fring off, and how he dared to touch me at all when he had a GF anyways, even if she was a mean girl with an ugly heart and not that hawt.**

Raven: How the hell do you know what her heart is like? And how can someone's heart be ugly, anyway?

Subarashii: I'm guessing the powers of writing someone in as the new love interest allow someone to just know these things.

**But nomatter how much I try to hate him, I simply couldn't.**

Raven: Because he just proved that he was A+ boyfriend material, right?

Crona: Do you enjoy mocking fangirls, Raven?

Raven: Just a bit.

**Suddenly the phone range**

**"hello "**

**"hey, is that altantiana?"**

**"yah who is this?" I aksed.**

**"its Mike nooton from your class!**

Subarashii: "I just called to tell you that you left your bra in the classroom! I probably shouldn't ask how it got there, should I?"

**I was wondering if your wanted to go to La Plush with me too morrow night maybe?**

Crona: "La Plush"? What is that, a Mexican stuffed animal store?

Subarashii: How wacky would it be if it was?

**Theres a party on the beech with whole crowd of us going and I thought you seemed relay nice so I thought maybe youd want to me my date please? –**

Crona: _She seemed really nice_? Did he meet someone else and mistake her for this one?

Raven: That would be the logical explanation. Which is why it's probably not true.

**"arent you the guy who hangs out with all the pathetic chearleaders and stuff?" I asked**

Subarashii: You'll have to specify, there are a lot of those. Because, you know, they're a social group too. They're called jocks.

**"you mean bella and jessica's gang?**

Raven: Wait, what? Bella isn't a cheerleader.

Subarashii: She is now.

Crona: Why?

Subarashii: Because going by this girl's logic, that'll make her easier to hate.

**Sometimes I guess but theyr'e way shallow and not as hot as you. And they can be mean sometimes.-"**

Crona: Were you paying attention at all? She's probably a lot meaner than the cheerleaders! Why do people think she's so nice when all she's done is-

Subarashii: Sue.

Crona: …oh, right.

**"then why do hang out white them then you shallow CREEP!and why are you askin me out when you harely no me mike! Cos u think im' hot? Why cant you see your just as shallow if you want to date someone just cost of what they look like**

Raven: Says the one who made out with the vampire for ten minutes and can't shut up about how supposedly hot he is. Oh, excuse me, "hawt".

**I'm not THAT pretty anyways!**

Subarashii: Says the one who goes into vivid-

Crona: And constantly-changing!

Subarashii: …detail about how she looks and how impossibly attractive she supposedly is.

**And even if i was, I'm SO screwed up in the bran you cant even imagine! u would no want to date me if you new how screwed up I was!"**

Crona: The first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one.

Raven: Which is a surprising amount of maturity from this character. And it could still be a jab at these sort of fics in general…

Subarashii: So, still following that troll fic theory?

Raven: It's a defense mechanism. If someone actually wrote something this bad, I think I'd lose faith in humanity as a whole.

**"I would, tia, beleive me I would! Your so beautiful you cant even imagine. Your so pretty people lose there minds when your around and forget there names and forget to brethe!**

Subarashii: Well, on the plus side, the idiots who consider this girl the most incredible thing on the planet will be dropping off like flies soon enough.

**How can't you have noticed that? And I don't CARE how screwed up you are! It only maked you more interesting!**

Crona: …

Raven: …what is it?

Crona: Nothing…

**Your cool and different and you are honest about stuff! you are right to be angry with me. I'm sorry for benign shallow and dumb just give me a chance to show you how much I care, please? "**

Subarashii: Kiss-ass. Consider your man card revoked.

**"well...ok maybe ill go along if I dont have anything else to do" i said, not believing a word he said about how pretty i was.**

Raven: What a nice and likeable main character we have, right?

**"thank you altantiana thank you so much!" he sounded so happy I couldnt help but smile as I put the phone down but my smile faded as I return to my thoughts. Mike Nooton was kinda cute and seemed like an ok guy but he was nothing next to Ewdard Cullen.**

Crona: Should I point out the hypocrisy, or is it clear enough as it is?

Raven: I think the viewers will get it.

**Even though I was anger with edward than I have ever been with anyone in my life and part of me wanted to chop his head off with a sore,**

Subarashii: OK, that would be an accomplishment. I don't think I've seen anyone chop anything off of anything with a sore.

**a part of my soul would all ways remain in that coridoor where we had kissed so hard and passionably.**

Raven: Thinking fondly about what was essentially sexual assault. Yep, real role model here, ladies and gentlemen.

**I creamed myself.**

Subarashii: Major League Bullshit!

**My heart had soared that day like never before, and i new that no one else would ever make me feel like that again, then I thought how he was a cheater and a bastard and my face burnt with shame. I couldn't beleive I had behaved like such a hore. I was scared of the affect he had on me.**

Subarashii: Let's see…she could be either a bitch or a whore. Decisions, decisions…

**"bye tiaa! We'll be back on Thursday ok?" mari put her head rind the door suddenly**

**"Ok then, have fun" I wispered clammily..dave and marie where visiting relatives for a few day.**

Crona: "Clammily"? I…how do you even…?

Raven: Just smile and nod, Crona. Smile and nod.

**"you look so pretty" she says, smiling -your the prettiest gril i've ever seen!"**

Raven: That's a rather random thing to say to your kid.

Subarashii: Sue powers.

Raven: Right.

**"omg whatever" I reply. I hated it wen people say that.**

Raven: Yes, I think we established that you have a problem with compliments.

**I pulled my blond hair over my face. I was wearin a short hot pink dress cut low with black lace frills at the bottom and black lace stocking.**

Subarashii: We don't care!

**"daves brother larry will be looking after you wile where gone you'll be ok when where gone wont you tiaa? I hate to leaven you alone like this!"**

Crona: Didn't she just say she'd be leaving her with her uncle? Or is her foster mother crazy too?

Subarashii: Would you really be surprised if she was?

Crona: No, not really.

**"i don't need a freakin babysiter u no!" i was so embarasing, I could look after myself!**

Raven: Yes, you are embarrassing. You are an embarrassment not only to humanity in general, but to women everywhere, to teenagers, to outcasts, to Goths, to blondes, to everything associated with you! Why you even exist is completely beyond me, other than to fulfill the fantasies of someone who is pretty much just like you! In short, do be so kind as to _go to Hell_!

Subarashii: …dude, seriously, if we had a studio audience, there'd be a shitton of clapping right now.

**Marie smiles and leaves the house.**

**"greeting a;latnaniana my names uncle larry" said uncle larry,**

Crona: Does anyone actually say "greetings" anymore?

Subarashii: Not unless they want to be overly dramatic. Which is why I say it all the time.

**he came in threw the door he was fat and bald with tiny black eyes and a red face**

Subarashii: Hmm…an ugly person when everyone else is pretty? Clearly this man must be a villain!

**"Hey - i said**

**"your the orphan arent you" he says "is it true you kiled your mother when she gave birth to you?"**

Subarashii: "I'm asking because I'm fat and ugly and therefore eeeeeeevil!"

**"Wat!" I cry, my eyes filling with tears**

**"your an evil bich arent u? Go outsite and wash my car" he shouts angerly**

Subarashii: "EEEEEEVIL!"

**I stood up and left to wash his car. I got soap and a bucket, afraid of what he would do if I refuzed.**

Raven: Uh, what happened to the kung fu?

Subarashii: Plot convenience.

Raven: Of course.

**went outside and started to wash hush car it was a red porche. He came outside and wached me and I new he was waching me!**

Crona: …this is getting a bit Squicky…

*TVTropes references: 6*

Subarashii: Dammit Crona, that's supposed to be my thing!

**After a minite he came over and hit me hard across the face**

Subarashii: *singing* "And it's so easy when you're evil…this is the life, you see, The Devil tips his hat to me."

Raven: "I do it all because I'm evil…"

Crona: "And I do it all for free…"

All: "Your tears are all the pay I'll ever need!"

Subarashii: …we would make such a kickass band.

**"wft!" i shouted**

**He poored the bucket of water all over me and hit me again,. I was wet and crying and he started to rip my dress and bra of me and rip my clothes.**

Subarashii: Yep, like I said. So pretty that grown-ass men become pedophiles. Even relatives…sort of.

**He touched my naked breats and I try to push him off me I screamed at him to stop but he did'nt. He bent me over the bonet of his car and spanked me on the ass for half an hour**

Crona: *wince* _Half an hour_?

**then he pulled my panties down and started to rape me!**

All: …

Subarashii: Wow, look at that. Moral Event Horizon crossed and we've known this guy for all of a few minutes.

*TVTropes references: 7*

Raven: Is this really the time for that?

**"stop raping me!"**

Subarashii: …*bursts out laughing, only to get zapped by Raven*

Raven: What the hell is so funny?

Subarashii: Sh-she…"stop raping me"? Seriously? How do you…just…freaking wow, man! *gets zapped again*

Raven: _Not. Funny._

**I cryed and cryed but he didnt stop for hours and when he finally stopped he left me on the floor and spat in my face and left me there. I pulled on my clothes and cryed madly and ran off into the seething darkness of the midnight street. I ran and ran un till I came to some woods and then I fell down in the woods and cryed.**

Crona: …um-

Raven: Whatever it is, just leave it, Crona.

Crona: Y-Yes'm.

**Suddenly a blast of white light exploded in head and my mark on my hand burned like a flame.**

Subarashii: Oh, right, there was a plot for this, wasn't there?

**I closed my eyes and saw the face of a tall white man looking over me with no expression, his eyes were burning red and his face glimmered cold and bright as the moon,. I fell back from the brightness of his body, his hair was dark as night,.**

Raven: Again, so descriptive and yet so vague at the same time.

**"atlantiana?" he whisperd in a voice softer than clouds -my daughter?-**

All: WHAT A TWIST!

**"omg" I whisperd as my mind went blank and the world went dark.**

Crona: Do people actually say these acronyms?

Subarashii: Only the ones who were accidents.

Raven: …

Subarashii: Alright, alright, that one was a bit harsh.

**AN = No flames pls, theres no point!if u dnt like my story dnt read it, its as simple as that!**

Raven: You're responding to them, aren't you? Therefore, there is a point.

**btw atlantiana is NOT marisue**

All: Yes she is.

**be cause look she is NOT perfect and not everyone in the stiry likes her!**

Subarashii: Yeah, the obvious villains have problems with her!

**he has problems and she has flaws and shes UNHAPPY would u like her life?i no i wouldnt, its totally tragic and horible.**

Raven: Yeah, it's not like she got raped for the sheer sake of forced tragedy or emotional baggage or anything!

**u flamers arent even makin sense1**

Crona: Yeah, well your…face…doesn't make sense!

Subarashii: …you'll need to work on that, kid.

**Chapter 4 - la push**

Subarashii: So instead of a Mexican stuffed animal store, it's a cliff in Mexico for assisted suicide?

Raven: I almost wish I was there right now…

Crona: …this isn't that bad, is it?

Raven: Oh, no, not for me! For me and whoever wrote this crap!

**I sat quitely on the la push beech apart form the party that was going on beside me. Mike Nooton was following me round like a pulpy and he was so borin!**

Raven: What's wrong with puppies?

Subarashii: According to Jerry Lawler circa 1998, nothing.

**None of the things he had to say were interesting but I was nice to him because he wasnt a bad guy.**

Crona: Well…at least she's trying to be nice…

Raven: It won't last.

**My thoughts were elsewhere - i could'nt stop thinking about the events of last night, when uncle larry had raped me and I had had my scary vision in the forest and a tall p[ale guy in my mind had cale me his daughter. I didnt understand any of I felt so so awful that I had been rapped by that hideous pervy SICKO when I had bin saving myself for the right guy and for marriage and my virginity was torn from my grasp by that twisted guy, it was so crule and unfair, it made me want to cry**

Subarashii: Yes, clearly this woman was going to save herself for marriage and the right guy when she had no problem making out with some guy in school for ten minutes and I should really shut up now, shouldn't I?

Raven: _Yes_. _You should_.

**"omg MIKE watt are you doing talkin to HER?" I turned round and saw four nasty faces learing at us. It was the chearleaders I had seen in the cafetearia, and one of them was the girl dateing Ewdard Cullen, the brown hare girl who was standing at the back looking moody but not saying anything**

Crona: I don't see how making Bella a cheerleader would make her less likable than she already is. Not a lot of people like her to begin with.

Subarashii: Because all cheerleaders are evil, remember?

Raven: No comment.

**"Stop being mean Jessica" mike said angerly "tiaas' awesome and if you can't see that its just you bein blind and shallow and stupid like your all ways are"**

Subarashii: "She's totally awesome despite being more interested in a vampire stalker than me and supposedly being totally psycho!"

Crona: …no comment…

**"yah I mean look at her clothes, she looks like a stupid goth biaach with her slutty top and short skirt and fithnet tights is she a RAT HOOKER or what?" Jessica screamed.**

Raven: Oh crap, the cheerleaders are making a point, we're all going to die.

**She was realy ugly when she shouted even though she was technology a hot chick and was dressed in skimpy pink clothes.**

Raven: The cheerleader's a robot?

Subarashii: I KNEW IT!

**"you no what Jess, you and YOur frends are SO shallow and YOU are the real slut! you and bella and angela and laruen may were short skirts and low cut tops an stuff but that doesnt maek u beautiful! Its watt underneath that counts!" mike shouted**

Crona: But…isn't she wearing skimpy clothes too?

Subarashii: I thought you weren't going to point out hypocrisy?

Crona: If I didn't, I'd have nothing to say at all.

**"yah, speakin of witch" said a sly blond girl in the gang who was called lauren, pointing at me "watts with her breasts, they are huge, I bet they are fake!**

Crona: …fake?

Raven: Please, _please_ don't ask.

**she laughed and her friends all laughed too even bella and angela who had been quiet until then.**

Raven: "A round of mocking, evil laughter then?"

Subarashii: "Mmm, yes, that sounds delightful."

**I got up and pushed past them and ran away into the darkness. I cold hear them all laughing at me and i felt so embarrased I was relay sensitive about the waste I looked I hated the fact that it made all girls hate me and all guys stare at me, I would have given anything to be ugly or just inviable.**

Subarashii: Extra Large McBullshit With Cheese with a side order of Bullshit McNuggets and Bullshit Fries, and with a nice tall glass of BULLSHIT!

Raven: So…you're saying you don't believe her?

Subarashii: What was your first clue?

**I wasnt stuck up**

Subarashii: …dammit all, I'm out of creative uses of the word "bullshit"!

**and didnt think I was beta than anyone else**

Subarashii: Would it kill you to give me a minute, lady?

**because of how I looked I just wanted people to treat me like a normal person! I could'nt help being slim and blond with relay big boobs it wasnt my fault I hadnt done anything wrong!**

Raven: No, that one's on your terrible creator. Who wants to be you. Sorry, Sue.

**-are u ok?" said someone from beside me**

**"who arr you?" i asked. 3 realy pretty goth girls were standing there smilin at me and I smiled back**

Subarashii: …I am going to kill you. And then kill you again. And then again. And then your foster parents, and then your rapist uncle, and then your real father, and then anyone associated with you, including these three girls I don't know, for _daring_ to talk like a pirate, and therefore, _make me look bad_!

**-we are tyffani, abigaille and rochelle" they said smiling**

Raven: "We're totally not self-inserts at all! Despite being named after the writer's friends!"

Subarashii: Again, fuck you, Abigail.

**"you seem cool, do you want to be our freinds?"**

Crona: Wouldn't that just put her in another social group, despite her clearly being against the idea?

Subarashii: You really wouldn't have much to do if you didn't point out the hypocrisy, huh?

**"ya of course, i'm just a bit meloncolly cause those horrible chearleaders were bein mean jerks and saying my boobs were fake" i said**

Raven: Saying "melancholy" instead of "depressed" doesn't make you smarter, you know. If you were suddenly spitting up black bile, then that'd be different.

Crona: …I don't think anyone's going to get that joke.

Raven: Eh, let them do some research.

**"omg, u mean jessica and bellas gang? They hate us too because we dont care what they think" said tyfanni**

Subarashii: "Which is why we separate ourselves from them as much as possible."

**"they are just jealous cause youre the prettiest girl in the school now and theyre all plain next to you but we dont care about stuff like that, we only care about peoples personalities "**

Subarashii: "Which is why we made a point to mention how pretty you are."

**"cool" I said, and we talked for hours**

**I talked to tyfanni, rochelle and abigail for hours**

Subarashii: "I told them about my job at the Department of Redundancy Department!"

*TVTropes references: 8*

**and they were so cool. I'd never had proper freinds before who didnt care watt i looked like or where I came from they just liked me for me, and I liked them cause they were uber cool and we had loads of stuff in common!**

Raven: Which you won't mention, of course, because that would require you to actually think for a minute.

**But after a while they all went home and I stayed on the beech. It was getting late but I didnt want to go home to uncle larry in case he raped me on his car again.**

Raven: Which, for the sake of dramatic convenience, probably will happen.

**Soddenly I heard a voice from behind me.**

**"well tiaa, thou seem to be causing quite a stir at school" his voice was smooth and sexoy and from another time. Edward.**

Crona: Oh, yeah, this is about him, isn't it?

Raven: What makes you think that?

Crona: Well, his name's in the title.

Subarashii: And?

**"what do you mean!" I demanded**

**"basically every gay at school wants to have sex with thee,**

Subarashii: Woo! Lesbians!

Raven: *glares*

Subarashii: …shutting up.

**and every girl wants to eat thee alive for it,**

Subarashii: …woo! Lesbians!

Raven: That's not what he meant and you know it!

Crona: …?

**hows that for causing a stir my lady?" he smiled and kissed my neck.**

Raven: …you know what? Forget it, I'm not even going to say it this time.

**"shut up jerk! Btw I met youre girlfriend before, bella I think her name is! I dont like her or anything, but how the hell can u cheat on her like that and kiss me how u did? Its sick ur a cheatin bastard and i should tell everyone. Tyfanni told me you and bella are like the schools golden couple or something, watt would happen if I told ppl how you had acted in that corridoor with me?"**

Crona: Bella would break up with him and he'd go to jail for sexual assault?

Subarashii: Which is why nothing's going to happen.

**"OMG SWEET LADY! THY MUST NOT TELL ANYONE! " he screamed**

Raven: Old, over-the-top English with internet acronyms. I feel so sorry for Shakespeare right now.

**"it was a moment of madness thats all! Im so so sorry for watt happened,i hope thine can forgive me, but ive promised myself to bella and thats just how it is, no matter how much thou intrests me"**

Subarashii: Any bets on how long this will last?

Raven: I'm guessing until the next chapter.

Crona: Midway through the next chapter.

**"fine, then stay away from me " I shouted as I left to go home but he followed me and grabbed me and pushed me down on the grind.**

Subarashii: _One freakin' sentence_! Good God Almighty!

**I was burning with anger and fury but I wanted him so deafly i didnt even try to resist him. He new how much i wanted him and it drove me mad. He put his hands inside my panties and i gasped.**

Crona: You want him deaf? That doesn't make a lot of sense…

**I was soddenly desperate to sex with him and i tore my clothes off and i was in my underwear. I took off my bra and showed him my naked heaving beasts.**

Subarashii: She did all that while he's on top of her? Ah, the wonders of cartoon clothes removal.

**"have sex with me now edward " I whispered**

**" i cant " he said, although his body was on top of mine and his fingers touched my nipples**

**"please, i'm begging you" I said, hating myself for being such a dirty hore but unable to control my burning desire**

**-NOOOO!" he shouted and ran away crying.**

Subarashii: …_what the hell_? You mean to tell me that after hunting her down more than once, making out with her and ripping her clothes off in public for ten minutes, saying that there's no way she can resist him, tackling her to the ground, and her offering herself to him, he's NOT going to have sex with her? This shit is BANANAS!

**I put my clothes back on slowly feeling so ashamed and embarased i could hardly move. I could'nt beleive i had begged him to do sex on me and even worse he had said no!**

Subarashii: I can't believe it either! Not because you're attractive or anything, but because _it makes no goddamn sense_!

**I went home and uncle larry made me**

**FOLLOWING SCENE OMITTED FOR THE SAKE OF SENSIBILITY**

Subarashii: …why with a shoe?

**and i didnt even complain cos i felt like i deserved it for being such a horrible slut even though it made me want to die inside. Uncle larry finally left me alone and I thought about killing myself as i cryed and cryed as i fell slowly into a dreamless sleep.**

Raven: …anyone got anything?

Crona: …not really…

Subarashii: BANANAS, I tell you!

/

This is taking longer than I thought, so I decided to split it up into halves. Hopefully I can have the second half up soon.

_fenetre_ = French for window.

"When You're Evil" belongs to Voltaire

Your homework for today is to find out what reference Raven was making in regards to the black bile.

See you soon!


	5. Story 2: Black Hole Sun: Part 2

OK, here's part 2. Same warnings from the last part apply here, so you already know whether or not you're going to avoid this.

Also, I still don't own Teen Titans or Soul Eater.

Moving on!

/

**AN - can i have some reveiws pls?**

Subarashii: Sure, here's a review: die in a fire.

**Chapter 5 - the talent contest**

Crona: …did this get even more clichéd?

Raven: Somehow, yes, it did.

**It was a week later and I felt like I was slowly dying inside. My life had crumbled into pieces and I was alone in the horrible darkness of my mind. the four chearleaders had folowed me a round school and been mean to me for the last week making fun of my clothes and my purple streaked blond hair and saying i was too slim and that i had boobs like a pron star. It relay upset me.**

Raven: …really? _That's_ what gets first mention? The cheerleaders were mean to you? …I have no words for this.

**and also uncle larry had taken my clothed off and rapped me loads of times last week**

Raven: Oh really? I guess you forgot to mention that completely unnecessary and absolutely insulting attempt by the writer to garner sympathy!

**and even though dave and marie were back home now every time they went out to different places they left me with him and he hit me and made me sleep with was so horrible I wanted to die every time it happened.**

Crona: …um…why doesn't she just tell them?

Raven: Under most circumstances, it would be due to embarrassment or fear of things getting worse. But in this case, I'm guessing it's because the writer is an idiot and needs to keep things dramatic.

Subarashii: …so, this is a sensitive subject for you, then?

Raven: _What was your first clue_?

**Edward Culen stared at me whenever he saw me at school but i just anchored him and pretended he wasnt there i was so embaresed about watt had hapenned and I hated him for the way he made me feel and the fact that he was a cheater and an ass.**

Subarashii: And yet you're probably still going to get with him before the end of the chapter. Oh, Sue, you and your antics.

**I would probably have ended my life that week if it hadnt been for my lovley new freinds abbigaille rochelle and tyfanni, who were all totally cool and helped me fight off the evil chearleaders**

Subarashii: Lady, this ain't Scott Pilgrim, the cheerleaders aren't exactly a threat. Also, again, fuck you Abigail.

Crona: Um, they didn't fight any evil cheerleaders in Scott Pilgrim.

Raven: They should've.

**i hadnt told my freinds aboit uncle larry and ewdard**

Raven: "Because it's not like they're important problems or anything!"

**but it was nice to have some peopel who liked me anyways. I sat in the cafeteira with them at lunch**

Crona: Uh…what about that Mike Nooton guy?

Subarashii: My guess is that he was written out due to not being Edward Cullen.

**"hey tiana are you doing the talent contest tonite?" rochelle asked me**

Subarashii: I got ten-to-one odds that she says no but gets entered anyway and wins. Any takers?

Others: No.

**"no way im not good enough!" i said shyly**

Raven: "My overall Sueness demands that I have low self-esteem despite being perfect in every way!"

**"omfg are you kidding! yor a AMAZIN singer your the best iv'e ever heard, no joke!" shouted abbigaile**

Subarashii: Which we'll have to take at face value due to never hearing her sing once. Also, fuck you, Abigail.

Raven: How long are you going to keep that going?

Subarashii: Until "man-carrot" loses any and all meaning for me.

**"thank you but your just being nice, im' not THAT good an even if i was i wouldn't perform. I mean i hardly want to contract more attension to myself than i already have, the whole school is all ready talking about me saying watt a freak i am. I just wanna be an average person"**

Subarashii: Bullshit Supreme!

**"come on tiaa you HAVE to do it!" tyffanie said, "jessica and bella and the chearleaders win every time with there dumb dance routine it is so annoying, they arent even talented someone needs to teach them a lesson hun!"**

**"I dunno maybe" I plimpled mutely but I had no intension of actually doin it.**

Crona: Is this person even trying?

Raven: I seriously doubt it.

**Later on me and my freinds sat in the crowd and wached the contest. The chearleaders did there dance ruotine and they werent that awesome, they were just wearing slutty cloths so all the guys could stare at them and cause they were popular no one was allowed to say they sucked.**

Crona: Being popular means having control over what people say of you? That's a useful power to have…

**At the end bella ran into edwards arms and I felt flames of jelusy burning up inside me. they kissed for a long time and although he looked at me the whole time i still wanted to cry and scream.**

Subarashii: I'd cry too, because I _still don't know what's going on_!

**The principal caked up on the stage and said**

**"and now for our final act...atlantiana rebeckah loren!" everyone looked at me and I was shocked**

All: WHAT A TWIST!

**"omfg who put my fringing name down for this!" I screamed**

**"who knows girl just get up there !" abbie pushed me towards the stage and I went up there.**

Crona: Is this going to come into play later?

Raven: I have a feeling it will. Sadly.

Subarashii: Before I forget, fuck you Abigail.

**I sang total eclipse of the heart (punkrock verson so it wasnt sappy and lame or anythin!0**

Subarashii: …lady, are you _trying_ to make me hate you?

Raven: It would give the trollfic theory some credibility.

**and everyone watched me. I was embarased at first but everyone semed to be enjoying themselves (exept the chearleaders who looked totally mad!LOL)**

Raven: *monotone* Gee, what a shock. The cheerleaders hate you. I did not see that coming.

**so I sang louder and louder and my voice soared higher than ever was like magic.**

Crona: Mary Sue Powers Activate!

**I was waering a purple lacy top cut low enough that you could see my bra and a black skirt and purple fishnets and spiky black heels.**

Subarashii: We seriously don't care, lady!

**the song finished and everyone looked happy and clangled at me and i went blushing to sit on my friends**

Crona: They…"clangled" at her? Did she make friends with talking bells?

**"remind me to kill wichever one of you beeches put my name down for this!-" i said but i was smiling**

Subarashii: Oh God, _it's a transvestite Chad Warden_! Quick, we need to get an Xbox 360 and a Wii and make a cross!

**"LOL" shouted rochelle "it wasnt us you no!"**

**"and the winner is...ATLANTIANA REBECKAH LOREN! " the principal screamed extatically.**

All: WHAT A TWIST!

**I went back up onto the stage and shock his hand and everyone appladed me and screamed my name except for jessica and bella who looked like they were about to kill me, lmfao.**

Crona: More acronyms?

Raven: I wish I could say you will get used to them, but I'd be lying.

**My eyes strayed to where edward stood gazing baldly at me.**

Raven: Why is Edward bald now?

**I all most fainted right then at the sight of him looking so hawt and gorgeous. I dnt think anyone else had noticed but he had a MASSIVE erection it was so hawt and sexoy.**

Subarashii: Oh for fuck's sake, lady, really? Is that really necessary information?

**I saw bella and jessica storming out of the room angry that i had won, and I smiled.**

Crona: Uh, weren't there other cheerleaders for her to hate? Why those two?

Subarashii: Plot convenience.

**Later on i walked home happily, then a car purred up beside me. It was ewdard!**

Subarashii: And here we go again with total confusion.

**"get in the car i'll drive thee home sweet lady" he said in his beautiful old fashioned speech. I did as he told me without knowing were quiet for a minite**

Crona: Shouldn't she know better than to get into a strange person's car?

Raven: You expect her to actually think?

Crona: …good point.

**"you were awesome tonight, you have a stunning voice like silk and satin in the moonlight. You looked beyond beautiful up on that stage, like an old painting in a church.**

Crona: Didn't he use that last one already?

Raven: I think so. The writer seems to be running out of bad analogies.

**i wanted to charge right at u and kiss thine lips right there" he still had a huge erection and i wanted to touch it so badly but i didnt.**

Subarashii: Oh yeah, not a slut at all. Totally.

**"i think BELLA might have had somethin to say about that!" i snapped "where is she neway?"**

**"at home sulking cause she lost the contest and had a total hissy fit and cryed for hours because thee was better than her in the contest"**

Crona: _Hours_? Just how long was she wandering around?

**"how mature" I said sacastically. At that moment edward pulled his car to the side of the road and looked me in the touched my hand and I slapped him hard in the face**

Raven: …no, they know the joke already. Edward has no respect for personal space. They get it.

**'YOU WILL NEVER TOUCHE ME AGAIN U SICKO!#" I wailed and kept hitting him in the face and chest "last week I fuckin BEGGED u to sex on me and you turned me down! I have never been so humilated in all my frickin LIFE! Watt the hell is wong with u? One mimite your all over me and the next its like i dnt even exist! dnt fuckin touch me. EVERR!"**

Subarashii: Oh God, even the Sue thinks this shit is bananas! Everything I know is a lie! Up is down, black is white, dogs and cats are living together, mass hysteria! Nothing makes sense anymore!

**"its complecated tiaa my lady. Im sorry i hurt thine feelings. Its just i cant resist thee, but i cant be with thy either. I never ment to drag thou into this mess, its not thee fault i totally ruin everything. Im so SO SORRY. IM DESPISABLE!"**

Subarashii: …if that was supposed to say "despicable" I WILL END YOU! No one as terrible as you deserves to quote Daffy Duck!

**"its me or her "i said bluntly**

**"i cant make that choice tiaa - he wept**

**"you are going to have to!"**

**"first thee have to tell me who thou relay are!" he said "who were thy parents?what are thee?"**

Raven: "I'm nobody special! I'm just an overpowered incredibly perfect person with random self-esteem issues!"

Subarashii: "I didn't know your name was Sue."

**"my mom dies when I was bored,**

Subarashii: …*bursts out laughing* She…she dies when she's bored…pfffffthahahaha!

Crona: Wow, she's crazier than I thought…

**I never new my father. Thats it." i said**

**"we BOTH no thats not the full story. Your a vampire, like me"**

Raven: And how exactly did Edward come to this conclusion, anyway?

**-omfg i'm NOT a frickin vampire! I think id have noticed u total dipshit"**

**"you don't drink human blood"- he asked**

Crona: I thought that was a vampire's thing? Drinking human blood?

Subarashii: Twilight, remember?

Crona: Oh, yeah.

**"i dont drink any blood u asshole. Is this ur idea of a joke, cos no ones laughing!" i got out of the car and ran away feeling insulted.i didnt want to see that stupid hawt jerk ever again!**

Raven: "Until it was convenient for me!"

**I went home. But i couldnt get rid of the memory of his sharp erection and deadly cold body.**

Subarashii: Oh buh-rother. How cheesy can you get?

**i cut myself and went to sleep in tears.**

All: Ugh.

**AN - dnt all just attack me for the things writen in this chapter about Tiaas parents, i havent explaned everything yet an it will make more sense later.**

Crona: Except it won't.

**Chapter 6 - the curse**

Subarashii: You mean the one that forces us to read this crap?

**-Oh ewdard with your skin so white**

**Your eyes like amber out of sight**

**Pale angel in my eyes**

**Hair like gold rosy sunrise-**

Crona: …uh…

Raven: Not as bad as the last one. But it is still incredibly awful.

**I read the words of my poem out quietly. I had written a poem about Edward, i just couldnt help myself.**

Raven: Oh, is that what that was? I thought it was just someone pretending to have any skills with writing…well, anything!

**I hated myself for doing it but i couldnt get him out of my mind and it was the only way i could deal with my feelings.**

Subarashii: You mean your feelings that make almost as much sense as his? As in, _none at all_?

**Soddenly my mind went black and i felt into a trance. A tall pale man stood in front of me all ghosty and misty like he was only half there.**

Raven: Oh, great, this again.

**"my daugher? My daughter?" he moaned**

**"who are you?" i wispa quietly**

**"i am your FATHER! I AM CAIUS FROM THE VOLTURI!**

Crona: DUN DUN DUN!

Others: …

Crona: …sorry.

**Your in terror and peril my daugher! Beware the vampire boy called edward!"**

**"why?" I said**

Subarashii: "Because you can't seem to keep your clothes on around him! You think I'm OK with this? I will not have my daughter acting like a slutty Sue!"

**"you mussent let him sex you or the curse your mother tried to protect you from will fall on you...you'll become a VAMPIRE!**

Raven: Wait, the Volturi _are_ vampires. Why wouldn't he want his daughter to become a vampire herself?

Subarashii: Either plot convenience or Twilight's warped logic when it comes to being super-perfect beings with none of the traditional vampire weaknesses.

**And you will never be safe! Only as a human can you be safe from them..."**

Subarashii: "I'm being incredibly vague and mysterious! Aren't I cool?"

**then he faded and I was awake and uncle larry was standing at my door.**

Raven: And here we go again…

**"take ur clothes off now you moldy slut!" said uncle larry and he smiles horribly with his yellow teeth**

Subarashii: …pfffffffthahahaha! "Moldy slut"? What? Oh God, that's amazing…

**"no i wont" i screamed but uncle larry came over and hit me. I was strong for my size but he was a huge fat man like 300 pounds in weight and stronger than me.**

Subarashii: Seriously, what happened to her Bullshit Fu™?

Raven: …did you actually copyright that?

Subarashii: Maaaaaybe.

**e took my clothes off and chained me to the bed. I new he was going to rape me again.**

Crona: You sure? I mean, there are a lot of reasons one would chain someone to a bed. To keep them from leaving, to freak them out, to-

Raven: Little too much sarcasm there, Crona.

Crona: …sarcasm?

**But at that moment someone came running into the room and hit uncle larry across the head with a stick and knocks him out cold. Uncle larry laid there bleeding and i looked up at...EDWARD!**

Subarashii: Wow, he is really good at that whole "stay away from her" thing, isn't he?

**"omg my sweet lady" he cried! "what has this frightful asshole been doing to thee?"**

Raven: …"frightful asshole"?-Subarashii, it isn't _that_ funny.

Subarashii: *between gasps for air* Yes…it…is!

**"he's been raping me and hitting me" i weeped sadly as edward unchained me and i put my clothes on. Edward turned away whale I dressed so he wasnt perving on me,**

Raven: "At the moment, anyway."

**and he looked down at the poem I had wroten.**

Crona: …hey.

Raven: What?

Crona: How come we haven't been mentioning the spelling and grammar errors that much?

Subarashii: Because if we did, this would be even longer than it already is, and I'm starting to forget what sunlight feels like.

**"for truth!these are the most beautiful words I have ever seen, it makes me feel so very moved" he cried**

Subarashii: Dude, you're not even trying to disguise the fact that you're lying, are you?

**"i wish i wasnt promised to someone else then i could write poems for thee"**

Subarashii: "Then I wouldn't have to keep pretending this shit is any good!"

**"why are u promised to bella anyways" i ask**

Raven: Because Stephanie Meyer has very little understanding of the concept of love?

**" Be cause i made a promise and i cant' break it, it would be rude and ungentalmanly.**

Raven: Oh yeah, there's solid advice! Stay in a relationship you want no part of anymore because it would be rude to break it off! Top-notch assistance!

**Bella never used to be like she is now,when i fist met her she was sweet and shy and was never nasty about everybody but she has changed and so have her freinds. I dont know watt made her change, maybe it is mine fault, she just seems angry all the time now."**

Crona: No, that's the plot's fault…right?

Subarashii: Yeah, this one's on the plot.

**"Yah that makes sense I guess" i said.**

Subarashii: Smartest thing she's done all story. Just go with it.

**We left the house and went to walk in the woods. We talked about loads of things and it turned out we had a lot in comnon. We liked all the same music and movies and books and stuff, it was like magic.**

Crona: …examples?

Raven: Oh, no, no, we're supposed to take her word for it. She just magically knows that she's in love with this person because they're into the same stuff and they're both pretty.

Crona: Like in movies?

Raven: …yes, actually. Exactly like in movies.

**"you know maybe bella is unhappy be cause you guys are not in love like u used to be, and u should brake up with her so she can move on and your can both be happy" i say**

Subarashii: Sue's making a point again.

Raven: I know, I know!

**"she all ways used to say that shed kill herself if I left her. I could not be responsable for her death!**

Subarashii: I knew a girl like that once. …once.

Others: *edge away from the captain*

**I just don't get what has happened to her she used to be nice and sweet like thou my lady. And now i am falling in love with thou and it is all such a darn mess!"**

Raven: Oh, that dreaded plot convenience.

**He hit a tree in frustration and it broke. He was so strong, i guess cause he was a vampire.**

Crona: Are vampires actually supposed to be that strong?

Subarashii: Twilight rules, remember? In this case, they're pretty much superheroes.

**"your falling in love with me?" i ask, my cheeks going all red and my heart starting to sore**

Subarashii: Sore heart? I guess that means that debilitating disease is back! C'mon, painful death!

**"omg, forget I said that!" he looked relay embarassed and it was so cute. He had a big erection too.**

Raven: This is not necessary information!

**I retched out and grabbed his hard throbbing male object.**

Subarashii: Object? _Object_? That's all it is to you, isn't it? Just an object for you to get off, isn't it? You make me sick, you prejudiced bitch!

Raven: …where'd that come from?

Subarashii: Poetic justice, that's where!

**We couldn't controll ourselves any more and we both fell down on the floor and got naked and made love.**

Crona: …uh…didn't her dad just tell her not to do that?

Subarashii: Oh, those crazy, rebellious teenagers, deliberately doing the opposite of what their immortal, all-powerful fathers tell them not to do.

**It was amazing and lasted hours and I had never been so happy in my life i felt like i coud die with happines.**

Subarashii: Bullshit on a stick! …no pun intended!

**But after a while edward started to freak out and cry.**

Raven: That's never a good sign.

**"I HAVE BEEN SUCH A FOOL!" he screamed "i should not have let that hapen! I hope thee can forgive me, i must return to Bella!" and he ran away.**

Crona: Ohhh, he's schizophrenic. That makes a lot more sense.

**I could not believe it. It was like my world was caving in all about me.i was so socked and angry i could not even cry or scream.**

Raven: Same here, but for totally different reasons.

**But as i lay there i started to fell diferent, like RELAY diferent. I suddenly remembed watt my father had said to me about not making sex with edward or he woud turn me into a vampire!**

Raven: Are we even going to try to figure out how that will work?

Others: No.

**My skin was getting all hard and pale and my eyes could suddenly see a lot clearer than before! I could hear lots of little noises even form relay far away. I even wanted to drink blood!and i could smell a human comin closer, he was almost here**

Subarashii: Is anyone even remotely surprised by this turn of events?

Others: No.

Crona: …shouldn't we do the "what a twist" joke?

Raven: Forget it, it's overdone.

**"There you are you horrid SLUG!" it was uncle larry**

Raven: Eh, I'd give that a 5 out of 10 on the insult scale.

**"where have u been? I'm goin to rape u now!"**

Subarashii: "It is that time of day, after all!"

Raven: …there isn't a counter for referencing memes, you know.

Subarashii: Dammit!

**Something in me snaped.**

Raven: What is this author's fascination with Snape, anyway?

Crona: Well, he did turn out to be one of the more complex characters in the series…

**I jumped at him and broke his neck and drank his blood! i had always ben strong for my size but now i was SUPER strong!He looked so surprised and it was so GOOD! Soon i dropped him on the floor and he was...dead!**

Subarashii: Oh, gee, are you sure? I mean, there's totally a chance he could've survived _having his neck broken and losing all his blood_!

**thanx for the revews!**

Raven: That you probably don't read.

**Chapter 7 - Surprises!**

Crona: I honestly don't think I can deal with more surprises…

**I woke up sheepishly and wandered where I was for a minute. I got out of bed, wandering if all the things that had hapened to me last night were just a dream.**

Raven: It'd be nice if I could do the same right now…

**I went downstairs for breakfast and sat down with Dave and Marie. THey look at me and smiles adoringly.**

**"wow tiaa i love your new hair and contat lenses, your look so beautiful!" said marie with her face all bright and happiness.**

Raven: Honestly, can we go at least a minute without someone mentioning how pretty this person is?

Subarashii: Never! The power of the Sue demands constant attention!

**I got up and look in a mirror. Holly shite!**

Subarashii: Now that's a visual.

**I looked totally diffrent! For the first time I could see my face was truely beautiful, it was even prettier than before.**

Crona: I'd ask how that's possible, but I don't want to give her any more undeserved praise.

**My eyes were a weird silver color like wet pools of noble moonlight in distant medows,**

Raven: Stop trying to sound creative, you're not fooling anyone!

**and my ivory gold hair seemed to shimmer like the suns burned rays in the morning, with the purple streaks shining like neon lilac.**

Crona: Ivory…gold…it…you…I…

Raven: I know, Crona. I know.

**I was radiant and magical and looked awesome.**

Subarashii: Because you're just so goddamn special, ain't ya?

**My skin was even more pale than before and my features more delicate and queen-like, my nose was small and dashing and my cheeks were high and pale and my chin was soft but majestic.**

Raven: Oh, of course, she has to look like royalty now. I swear, it's like they're trying to make her unlikable.

Crona: So…trollfic?

Raven: Looking more and more likely.

**I was amazed. Suddenly the phone rang and nuked me out of my silent staring. Dave answered it.**

Crona: …"nuked"?

Subarashii: Oh please, someone do that. Mushroom cloud that bitch!

Raven: …congratulations, you just gave a dime-a-dozen rapper a really bad metaphor to use.

Subarashii: Dammit!

**"what? oh my god! Your kidding! This is inconsideratable!" and he hung up**

Subarashii: You Keep Using That Word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

*TVTropes references: 9*

Raven: That was a movie quote first, that can't count!

**"whats happened honey?" Marie asked smiling**

**"uncle larry is died, it looks like he was ripped apart by a wild beast! I feel so sad! he was my brother"**

Crona: Why does he need to explain to her that he was his brother? Wouldn't she know?

Raven: I think that was an attempt at drama.

Crona: Oh…not a very good one.

Raven: Yes, that was implied.

**I suddenly remembered what I had done, and i screamed and ran to school. I felt so awful and giulty for what I had done! I new uncle larry was a perv and a rasist**

Subarashii: He was a racist too? Geez, you don't hold back when you want to make someone a villain, do you?

**and even thou he had raped me and tied me up and spanked me**

Crona: _Half an hour_?

**and made my life hell I still shoudnt have killed him! I was going to explode with guilt.**

Raven: Wishful thinking.

**i ran through the forest towards the school but suddenly a large thing appeared in front of me. it was a bear**

Subarashii: Eat her! C'mon, this is the perfect opportunity, devour the bitch!

**- a big panda bear!**

All: …_WHAT_?

**it was huge and fluffy and realy cute, but I was scared as this was a totally weird thing to happen.**

Subarashii: Oh, gee, YA THINK?

**"greetings atlantaina!" it said**

*crickets chirping*

Subarashii: …OK, I was wrong before. NOW the shit officially be B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

**i was totally freaked out - since when did panda bears live in Forks? And since when did they SPEAK? I was totally confused**

Raven: The Sue needs to stop making sense, guys. This is really freaking me out.

**"WTF?" i screamed!**

**"I'm a panda bear,**

Crona: Yes, I think that's been established…

**my name is Snooflanti-tatuna but you can call me Snoofles."**

Subarashii: …oh dear God, the panda is a Sue too. I don't think I'm going to live through this.

**"A talking PANDA BEAR?" i shouted furiusly**

**"I cannot talk like humans can, but your not human anymore so you can understand me. You can talk to animals. You probably have other powers too you just don't know it yet"**

Crona: Like turning into mist? Or a bat? Or being able to hypnotize people?

Raven: Twilight.

Crona: …oh, right.

**"like watt?" i said**

**"I dunno, touch that tree" said Snoofles, smiling at me. I touched the tree and consentrated hard and even though it was winter the tree suddenly started to bloom huge bunches of flowers. The flowers cascadad down like a river onto the bare forest floor.**

Raven: …oh, of course she can make the flowers bloom and such! What kind of pure, infallible being couldn't?

**i took my hand away in horror. The flowers were so beautiful they made me think of edward. then i remembered how he had left me after we had made love, and i became angry. I touched another tree and it burst into flames.**

Crona: Well, at least she can set stuff on fire.

Subarashii: Oh, but she'd never use it because she's just so pure and innocent! Even though she screwed a vampire to get her powers!

**It was as if the trees turned into things that somehow reflected how I was feeling!**

Raven: Sure, why not, it makes as much sense as anything else we've seen in this fic.

**"OMG, how is this possible?" i said**

**"Don't ask me I'm just a panda, lol" said Snoofles with a big grin and he raised his eyebows,**

Subarashii: …the panda is making a point…someone must've made a wrong turn on this crazy ride, because we just wound up in WHAT-THE-FUCK-Ville!

**"but I'm so happy to find a person who can understand my speaking! i al; ways wanted a human friend! will you be my human friend?"**

Crona: Sure! And since friends tell each other things, could you please explain why a panda is in Washington?

Subarashii: No! No! Don't tell me! I just know the answer will drive me even crazier than I already am!

**"well yah ok" i said, "but i have to go to school now so I'll see you later Snoofles ok?"**

**"that's cool" said Snoofles "i'll see you later"**

Raven: Yes, by all means, leave the magical talking panda and go back to school. That makes perfect sense.

**I ran away and was totaly weirded out by my meeting with Snoofles.**

Subarashii: Gee, I wonder why!

**I was almost in a trance at school and even though people starred at me and made coments about my new apperance I had never cared less.**

Subarashii: Hey, it's Bullshit Bear!

**in gym class I ran around dressed in my gym clothes.**

Crona: Well, yeah, what else would you wear?

Raven: I get the feeling this person has a compulsive need to tell us what she's wearing at least once per chapter.

**i was playing dodgball and the cleerleaders kept throwing there balls at me realy hard like biaches but i was dodging them at the speed of light.**

Subarashii: Moving around at the Speed of Bullshit!

**Lauren came over to me and tries to hit me over the face with her balls**

Subarashii: Oh, COME ON!

**and I slapped her in the face.**

Crona: Suppose that we were in Lauren's place?

Raven: She'd find herself in the wall after she tried that with me.

Subarashii: Pssh, I'd have killed her seven chapters ago.

**"WTF you freaky goth tudor bitch!" she shouted with her ugly face flapping like a big bag**

Raven: …how is saying she has royal English heritage an insult?

**"leave me alone yeah?" i said looking more beautiful than ever**

Subarashii: …OK Raven, you sold me. This is definitely a trollfic.

**"no - ill never leave u alone becase your so werid! what has hapened to your face its like your from another planet, your so pale and delicate its freaking everyone out and we all hate you!"**

Raven: Men are from Mars, women are from Venus…what planet are Sues from?

Crona: Planet Hell?

Subarashii: Absolutely not! That place is way too awesome for them!

**I was so mad i pushed her but when my hands touched her arms her skin started to blister and froth in a totally gross way**

Raven: Oh, great, now she's borrowing powers from Harry Potter.

**and she got struck by a bolt of lightning.**

Raven: …struck by a bolt of lightning.

Crona: Indoors.

Subarashii: …fuck it, I don't even care anymore.

**She wasnt dead or anything but she looked totally disgusting and she got taken to the hospital.**

Crona: Should we ask how she would survive that?

Others: Nope.

**I didnt look for my friends and after gym class I sat in the changing rooms after everyone has left and cried becase I felt so sorry for watt I had done to uncle larry and to lauren.**

Raven: It's almost like some higher power is forcing these events on her in a poor attempt to create drama for some sort of story…

Subarashii: Getting philosophical won't save this fic.

**I was sat there wearing a very short leather mini-dress and red ripped tights and a skull necklace and a gothic top hat with feathers on it.**

Subarashii: For the love of everything, _stop telling us what you're wearing_!

**Suddenly I heard a voices from behind me**

**"Tiaa? Tiaa? It is I Edward Cullen!" said edward.**

Crona: Why does he keep leaving if he's just going to come back again?

**i turned to kook at him and he gasped in a high piched way and fell over onto the floor.**

Subarashii: You bring shame to both your species and your gender!

**I was mad at him and totaly upset about other stuff so i didnt check to see if he was ok.**

Subarashii: Good!

Raven: You're agreeing with the Sue.

Subarashii: …I wish I was never born…

Crona: Whoa, I didn't even show him the poem!

**He got up in a minute.**

**"I fainted Tiaa, thou is so sexy and exqisite i lost my contentioness. Thy face is even more sacred and filled with shinning glory than before, I am amazed"**

Raven: …this is unbelievable. This is just…

Crona: A trollfic?

Raven: …right.

**but then he noticed I was crying tears of soft blood**

Raven: Of course she was!

**and he said "what is wrong with thee?" said Edward**

Subarashii: "You stole my job at the Department of Redundancy Department, that's what!"

*TVTropes references: 10*

**"I killed someone Ewadrd! I killed my uncle and drank his blood and I think I made lauren get stuck by lightning"**

**"its ok Tiaa he was evil and noone cares about lauren"**

Raven: Got to love the morals that Edward shows. That's what you want in a boyfriend, right girls?

**Edward says to comfort me and he put his arms round me**

**"still watt i did was awfull and anyways GET OFF ME!" i stood up and shock him off me "dont come near me ever again! I havent forgiven you for whatt happened last night! We did sex and you left me there in the forest!"**

Crona: …"we did sex"? Why doesn't that sound right?

Subarashii: Because it isn't.

**"I'm sorry! I cannot stay away from thee and yet I cannot be with thee either" he cried and threw his hands up and weeped**

**"make your mind up Ewdard! this is a serious thing! Ether stay here with me now and screw me**

Subarashii: Yeah, totally not a slut.

**and be with me forrever or leave and go be with Bella! Make youre choice right now!"**

Crona: *hums the Jeopardy theme*

Raven: That doesn't really fit…

Crona: But it's so catchy!

**"I choose thee Atlantnina!**

Subarashii: "To the shock of no one!"

**Bella is a big mean cow and I cant be with her anymore! I will never leave thou side again my lovley damsell!"**

Raven: Until the next chapter, that is.

**He started to cry and I kissed him. He was so amazing. His yellow eyes and tussled aubon hair and pale skin made me want to screw him all the time,**

Crona: Do all relationships rely on sex so much?

Raven: Well, sexual attraction should be a part of a healthy relationship. It shouldn't be the focus, but at least a part of it.

Subarashii: Since when were you Ms. Relationship 101?

Raven: Considering the only other person here who could give advice on the subject is you…

Subarashii: Hey!

**I'd never seen anybody look so perfect. I took off my dress so I was only wearing my underwear and i sat on his knee and we kissed a lot. He touched me all over and I felt dizzy and week.**

Subarashii: Wow, riveting stuff there, miss. The literary work of a genius. I feel like I'm there right now.

Raven: …that's a bit creepy…

Subarashii: You know what I meant, dammit!

**"Do you mean it edward? You'll be mine forrever?"**

**"I does, i shall be thy mate" he said beautifully in his smooth hot velvet voice**

Raven: Until the-

Subarashii: Heard it the first time, thank you.

**I found some handcuffs on a bench and I tied him to a hook.**

Crona: Why were there handcuffs in a school? …actually, I probably don't want to know…

**FOLLOWING SEX SCENE OMITTED FOR SENSIBILITY**

Crona: …"throbbing lavender man-thing"?

Subarashii: …lady, you had best hope we never meet, because if we do, I will force you to wear a sign around your neck that says "I have never seen male genitals ever in my entire life"!

**"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING YOU EVIL RODENT PEOPLE? I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU BOTH AND NOW I AM GOING TO KILL MYSELF!"**

Subarashii: …OK, I have to remember "evil rodent people" for later when I feel like laughing again.

**It was Bella Swan!**

Raven: Of course it was. We couldn't just let things end, could we?

**hey guys sory its been so long since an update, i hav been so busy latley.**

Crona: Could you go back to being busy? Please?

**sooooo..i had a fight with my old beta**

Raven: Can't imagine why.

**but i have a new 1 now an she is helpin me**

Subarashii: So this could actually improve somewhat?

**byut she is on vacaton this wk and next**

Subarashii: SON OF A-

**so i promise i will sort the spellin mistaks out wen i can!**

Crona: Why can't you just do it now? You know, before you publish your work?

**Chapter 8 - the Kidnap**

Subarashii: Of the writer? Please?

**I sat alone in the changes rooms, i was all most naked and looked awsome with my exotic lithely hair falling down over my face like a curtan of soft yellow cream with bits of purple in it.**

Raven: I think she's given up on the analogies.

Subarashii: Thank God!

**ut I didnt care how beautifull or eqxisite I was any more. Edward was gone. he had left to follow Bella to stop her from killin herself and i was SO mad. how coud he leave me like that after sayin bella was a cow and he didnt like her no more? I was pissed!**

Crona: Yeah, how dare he go and try to stop someone from committing suicide! What kind of person would do something like that?

Raven: See? There's a good use of sarcasm.

**and the tears were falling down my face like a tepid summer rain of misery and woe.**

All: Ugh.

**So i went home and skipped school and sat in my room in my black corset and leather panties**

Subarashii: Goddamit lady, I wouldn't care if you really were dressed like a bunny girl, just shut up!

Crona: B-B-Bunny girl…

**and i smoked some drugs and started to weep.**

Subarashii: Raven, please. If I don't take something I'm going to completely lose it.

Raven: If I can get through this without narcotics, so can you! Suck it up!

**dave came in and made a big smiley face.**

**"hi tiaa! I didnt no you were home! how was school today?" (he didnt notice i was smokin drugs he thougt my cigarete of pot was a chapstick)**

Subarashii: …"cigarette of pot"…OK, I'll be sure to add to that sign "I have never taken any drug ever" too!

**"it sucks!my life sucks and i want to DIE!" i scremed and my eyes glitered with beauty.**

**"u teenagers and ur problems, LOL!" he said laughing a lot,**

Raven: Solid parenting skills there, Dave.

**and i knew he thougt i was just some silly kid wineing about homework and dumb boys and stuff. he didnt no i had killed a man and lost the love off my life and had made lauren get hit by lighting and that all the kids at school thougt i was a freak becase my face and bodys were so diffrent from everyone elses.**

Crona: …so…why not just tell him?

Subarashii: Oh, you want her to actually solve a problem?

**"dave your a good person but ur SO FUCKIN DUMB! YOU ASSHOLE!" i shouted at him and i threw my ashtray at his head WITHOUT TOUCHING IT (i could make stuff move when i was angry now...it was so weird! why did this have too happen to me!)**

Raven: …sure! Why not? Hey, while you're at it, why don't you start flying too?

**"haha, i guess your right" he laughed (he thougt i was joking, i wasnt spoiled or anythin)**

Subarashii: Oh come on, really? He has nothing to say about the fact that she just chucked an ashtray at him with her tiny, tiny mind? I get that he's supposed to be dumb as a brick, but I think he'd notice something like that!

**"its so nice havin you hear tiana, your so pretty. i swear your even prettier than before! and i think your boobs hav grown!"**

Crona: …that's not something you normally say to your daughter, is it?

Raven: No, and it's actually really, really creepy.

Crona: I thought so.

**"yeh i no they are like an E cup now" i said.**

Subarashii: Bullshit To The Max!

Raven: …no one says that anymore.

Subarashii: I don't care!

**Dave smiled and patted me on the head and left.**

Subarashii: "Be sure to let me know if your boobs grow another size, hun!"

**I was so sick of bein treated like a kid and no one listenin to me**

Crona: But…but you never actually told anyone anything!

Subarashii: Minor detail.

**that i got up and got dresed in a long black dress and took some pills (of drugs)**

Subarashii: …please Raven?

Raven: NO.

**and went out to the local nightclub which was called Pablo NIghtmare - it was a goth club were all the cool people went in forks. bella probably had never even heard of it, LOL!**

Raven: "Pablo Nightmare"? Did you just take two random words and throw them together? Because I can honestly tell you, no _actual_ Goth would be caught dead in a place like that!

Subarashii: Speaking from experience?

Raven: _Shut up_!

**i met snoofles on the way and he came with me.**

Subarashii: Oh God, the panda's back and it's going to the club. Someone shoot me now.

**we went to the club and got drinks and started dancing to the heavy metal music.**

Subarashii: How the hell do you _dance_ to _heavy metal_?

**ppl there stared at us cos i was so diffrerent looking and Snoofles was a panda,**

Crona: *says with total sincerity* Thank you Captain Obvious!

**but we didnt care we were havin so much fun we were SO drunk and had taken a lot of drugs so my head was fuzzy like there was snow everywhere.**

Raven: Don't even bother, Subarashii.

Subarashii: …but I like snow…

**"hi your called Tiana arent you? I am Jasper and I go to your school" said Jasper Cullen**

Raven: Oh great, more characters to ruin.

**who was tall with blond curly hair like straw only soft and nice and not dry.**

Crona: …I don't know what to say to that.

**he was tall. he was wearin a black pulover and red metal pointy shoes. (AN - haha, that descripton sounded beter in my head, OH WELL!)**

Subarashii: …when this is all over, I think I'm going to curl up in a corner and have a nice, long cry.

Raven: I'll join you.

Crona: Me too.

**"hey whatever" i said. "why arent you with that girl i all ways see you with?"**

**"you mean my GF alice," he said and locked soddenly very sad and started to cry and bite down hard on his lips.**

Raven: I swear, if they killed off the only likable character in this series off-screen…

**"what is wrong Jasper?" i said**

**"the problem is i dont love her like she loves me. i am gay, and thats wrong, and i feel so horible about it!"**

Subarashii: …I'm pretty sure that isn't canon.

**"theres nothing bad about bein gay u no" i said.**

**"REALLY?" he sed, and looked chocked with his mouth open.**

Raven: Oh, gee, I guess he forgot that we're living in the 2000s, and not medieval England!

**"yeah, its proper normal and Snoofles is gay and everything" i said and Snoofles waved and Jasper waves back.**

Subarashii: …the panda is gay…_the panda is gay_…this fic is going to be the death of me!

**he smiled and we all stared dancing together and Jasper gave us some of his drugs.**

Crona: Why does she never say what drugs she's taking?

Subarashii: You expect her to know what they are?

**we had a relay good time and jasper met another gay guy called Vince and we all got in Snoofleses car**

Subarashii: …the panda has a car…did I take some pills of drugs and completely forget? I must be on _something_ to be seeing this!

**at the end of the night and i drove around while the others all had sex in the back of the car.**

Subarashii: …and now he's having gay sex with two humans in the back of a moving car…hehe…hehehe…hehehehehehe…

Crona: Uh…I think he's finally snapped…

Raven: Frankly, I'm surprised it took him this long.

**(i was drunk but cos i was a vampire it was ok to drive i had beter reflex than humans!)**

Crona: I think that's the least of your worries…

Subarashii: Yeah, like, oh, I don't know, _the gay three-way involving a panda going on in the back OF THE GODDAMN CAR_!

**but soddenly somethin jumped into the road infront of us and i had to stop the car and get out.**

Subarashii: Hurry! Burn the car before they get out!

**there was a man standin in the middle of the road he was tall and mussely**

Subarashii: There's that shellfish fetish again!

**and had black hair like the black feathers of a raven in the black darkness.**

Crona: …but are the black feathers off of a black raven?

Raven: Not helping, Crona.

**he was good looking but he looked so angry i got out my samurai sword (i often have it with me!)**

Subarashii: The Bullshit Sword of the Heavens!

**but somone jammed up behind me and tore it from me, there were like ten people all grabbing my body in the darkness and they put a thing over my face so i coudnt see and they tied me up!**

Raven: "Oh no! It's not like I'm a super-powerful Mary Sue vampire that could break free from this! Someone saaaave me!"

**FOLLOWING SCENE OMITTED FOR THE SAKE OF SENSIBILITY**

All: _We did not need to know that_!

**The men who had caught me took me away and somethin hit me over the head and i was unconshous.**

Subarashii: Wimpiest vampire ever.

**when i awoken i found myself in a small dark room and the tall mussel man was in front of me.**

Subarashii: Enough with the shellfish already!

**i was strip down to my underwear and i was chained to a chair with some metal chains and i coudnt move.**

Crona: Uh, that's sort of the idea of being chained up…

**"WHO ARE YOU YOU WANKY PERV!" i shoyted.**

Subarashii: Heh, wanky perv. Have to remember that one.

**"I AM JACOB...THE WEREWOLF KING!" he yelled**

Raven: Oh, of course he is. Even though I'm pretty sure the werewolves don't have a hierarchy.

**with his eyes rolling around in his face - he looked so mad and CRAZY!**

Subarashii: I know how he feels.

**"NOOOOOOO!" I scremed and i try to broke myself free but i was under so many heavy chains so i looked into his wagging face insted.**

Crona: So…superpowers?

**"Watt do u want from me? why am i here?" i say and i started to cry.**

**"YOU MUST BE PUNISHED FOR WHAT YOU DID TO BELLA SWAN!"**

Raven: Oh, he's obsessed with her. That automatically makes him crazy, of course.

**he shreeked and the drool was sloapping down his face just like rain only thick and foam-like.**

Subarashii: …if she doesn't care anymore, neither do I.

**"YOU ARE A HALF-BREAD!**

Crona: "Half-bread"? What, is it half white and half pumpernickel?

Raven: That doesn't sound even remotely edible.

**YOU SHOUD NEVER HAVE BEEN BORNE! YOUR FATHER WAS A VAMPIRE AND YOUR MOM WAS A WHITCH!**

Crona: …w-w-w-witch?

Subarashii: Oh, sure, why not? Bring in witches too! May as well ruin everything about them while we're at it!

**ITS WEIRD AND WRONG AND NOW YOUVE BROKEN BELLAS HEART! HALF-BREAD! HALF-BREAD! HALF-BREAD!"**

Crona: Is the bread half-price? Is that why it's half-bread?

**This dude was insane, he was so angery he was jumpin up and down. But something he said had caugt my atention.**

Crona: Maybe she's looking for a good deal on bread?

Raven: You don't have to keep that going, you know.

Crona: But I don't have any running gags!

Subarashii: None of us do, it's only the second session!

**"What do u mean my mom was a whitch?" I said.**

**"MY FATHER USED TO NO HER!**

Raven: "They met at the Bar of Convenient Plot Devices!"

**SHE LIVED HERE IN LA PUSH AND SHE WAS A WHITCH! SHE COUD MAKE FIRE COME FROM NOWERE AND CONTROLL THE WETHER AND TALK TO ANIMALS AND LOADS OF OTHER STUFF! SHE WAS A FREAK LIKE U!"**

Subarashii: Oh dear God, her Sueness is genetic!

**Of corse! It all made sense now! I was so shocked I fainted,**

Subarashii: We know, I just explained it!

**When i woke up Jacob was in front of me and he was NAKED!**

Raven: Oh for the love of Azar, _again_?

**He was smilling in a proper creepy way and looked totaly weird like a greasy frog thing**

Subarashii: Hey, it's Ragnarok's long lost twin!

Ragnarok: Fuck you, ass-pirate!

**and his male genital item was not nice like edwards it was like a horible wet mushroom.**

Subarashii: You'll have to excuse me if I doubt your taste, considering you thought Edward's "throbbing lavender man-thing" was nice-looking.

Crona: *shudder*

**he stroked my knee with it and i gapsed. whatt was he going to do to me!**

Subarashii: …you know what, I'm going to let Raven talk about how stupid this statement is. Raven?

Raven: Thank you, Subarashii. Let me just put this into perspective for you people. The victim of rape is chained up, and has a naked man rubbing his thing all over her, and wants to know what's going to happen. I think they invented the saying "dumb blonde" for situations like this.

**but sudenly before he coud come any closer the door of the room we were in burst open!**

**IT WAS EWDARD!**

Crona: "Never fear! The deformed Siamese brother of Edward is here!"

Raven: Crona, seriously, ew.

/

At long last, the madness was over, and all three participants breathed a sigh of relief, thankful that their arduous task was finally complete.

"So…" the captain breathed out. "Final verdict?"

Raven looked at him, her expression blank. "Subarashii, if we took the time to talk about everything wrong with this story, we'd take up as much time as it took to actually read it."

The captain frowned. "Good point. And I feel like we've been here a few days, so let's just say it's garbage and go home."

Raven sighed. "Sadly, there is something we need to say."

Crona blinked. "What?"

Raven got to her feet, giving a slight sigh as she stared at the movie screen, where it was assumed the main camera was.

"Ladies and gentlemen, allow me a moment to speak on trolls. A troll's purpose is simply to aggravate and annoy those they have chosen as their target. They will do whatever is necessary to get a reaction out of you. If you're the eldest child in a family with two or more children, then they're exactly like your younger siblings. Trollfics are just one way of accomplishing this. The way to avoid giving them what they want is to give no reaction whatsoever, no matter how bad it is. And while we did the exact opposite of that, what we did was purely for your entertainment, and in no way represents our actual feelings in regards to this fanfiction. Right guys?"

The captain's right eye gave a slight twitch, but for the most part he seemed to be fine. "Uh, yeah, right. Anyway, I'll see you guys later."

With that, the captain got to his feet and headed up the stairs, muttering something about "man-carrots" and "gay talking pandas with cars" before leaving the theater.

Raven walked over to her seat and picked up her books, giving Crona a nod before heading for the stairs.

"Um…Raven?"

Raven stopped, turning back to look at Crona, who had a rather sad look on his face. "Yes, Crona?"

Crona paused for a moment, then gave Raven an obviously fake smile. "S-Screwed up people…aren't normally in relationships, are they?"

Raven blinked, surprised at the question. _Where did that come from?_ she wondered. Something was clearly bothering him, but she couldn't imagine what it would be.

"Well…depends on what you mean, I suppose. Everyone's a little "screwed up". Everyone has baggage to deal with. And they usually find someone anyway. So it's not really anything to worry about."

Crona shook his head. "No, I mean…you know…c-c-crazy people."

_This is making less and less sense_. Raven thought to herself. "You'd honestly be surprised, Crona. But why are you asking, anyway?"

Crona looked ahead, expression blank. "No reason…I'll see you later, Raven."

Raven frowned, but felt it best to drop the subject. Worse came to worse, she'd help him out if he really needed it. "Alright…see you later."

She quietly ascended the stairs, stopping only to look at Crona one more time, who was sitting in the same spot, unmoving. Try as she might, the same thought from before wouldn't leave her mind.

_What happened to this kid?_

/

Alright, I finally got this monstrosity done! I'd say "enjoy", but considering the subject matter, that probably won't be easy.

I'm still taking suggestions for fics from you guys, so leave a link in a review, or send it to me directly via my email on my profile page.

Also, the answer to the "black bile" from the last part was in the word itself. _Melancholy_ comes from the Greek word _melancholia_, which, when translated, comes from the words _melan_, meaning black, and _chol_, meaning bile. So, the literal translation was "black bile".

Yeah, OK, that's a bit obscure. Still, a little research never hurt anyone.

See you guys later!


	6. Story 3: Gotta Object to Them All!

Aaaaaaaaaalright! We got ourselves another fic to verbally piledrive! Let's get to it!

Today's fic was recommended by zorua, so if you agree with the choice, you know who to thank, and if you disagree…well, you know who to blame.

Then again, I don't see how you could disagree with this one…

Anyway, let's-a go!

Note: I still don't own Teen Titans or Soul Eater.

/

She wasn't the type to lose sleep over a matter like this, but she'd be lying if she said she wasn't worried about him.

Raven wandered down the hall towards the double doors that led to the theater, her thoughts returning to that of last time. Her conversation with Crona had puzzled her. Why would he ask about people with…less than capable mental ability getting involved in romantic relationships? How did such a matter concern him?

He had to have some sort of involvement in such a scenario, but what? Was a friend of his clinically insane? A relative? Was it the sane person involved he was worried about? Or maybe he was interested in someone who was insane? Or maybe…

Raven sighed as she reached the doors. _No, that can't be the case. There's nothing wrong with him. But then, why ask?_ This wasn't working at all. She'd just have to ask him herself.

_Of course, that won't be so easy_, she thought as she opened the door and started walking down the stairs. She didn't know much about the swordsman, but she could tell that he was the shy, secretive type. Getting him to reveal something about himself wouldn't be easy. She'd have to gain his trust first, and they had only known each other for a short while. If she wanted to help him with whatever was bothering him, it would take time.

She stopped at the end and looked over at Crona, who was sitting in his usual seat, knees to his chest. He looked at her as she arrived, his typical sad expression on his face. Raven actually wondered for a moment if he'd left at all, considering he was in the exact same position she'd left him.

"Hello Crona." she said as she walked past him and sat in her seat.

"H-Hi…" he muttered back.

_And so, the quiet game begins_, Raven thought as she cracked open a book.

For the most part, she wasn't focused on the book in hand. If she was going to gain Crona's trust, she'd have to start right away. The question was, how to go about doing it? The obvious answer was to talk to him, but what about? Should she bring up the problem right away? Or ease into it, make him feel comfortable first? Or should she let him bring it up?

Thankfully, someone thought to make the decision for her, as a distinctive _splortch_ echoed through the theater, indicating Ragnarok's awakening.

"Gah! For the love of fuck, I can't stand this anymore!" he shouted before turning to Raven. "Look, the reason he asked you that last time was-"

"Ragnarok, d-don't!" Crona begged.

"Shut up! You're the one who opened your mouth for no good reason, and now you're chickening out! Learn to finish what you start, you little bitch!"

Crona simply whimpered in response, giving Ragnarok the chance to continue.

"See, the problem is that this guy thinks that because he's as nutty as a fruitcake, he doesn't have a chance at that "true love" bullshit! And because of that, he's been moping even more than usual and it's pissing me off!"

Ragnarok then leaned forward, getting right in Raven's face.

"So get your nose out of that stupid book and tell him something useful, little Miss Brainiac!"

Raven glared at Ragnarok for a good minute before gently pushing his face away from hers. She then sighed and closed her book with a snap, before placing it beside her and turning to Crona.

"First of all, Crona, I should clarify that I'm not an expert in romance. In fact, I should probably be one of the last people to turn to for advice on this sort of thing. I don't claim to be an expert in anything. I just have a fairly good understanding of how people in general work. Having said that, in this situation, I feel that there are three types of people."

She held up three fingers and began counting them off.

"There are those who are in a relationship, those who are looking for a relationship, and those who aren't looking for a relationship. I would be in the third category, for example."

Crona tilted his head. "W-Why's that?"

Raven frowned, not liking the fact that he asked her that so freely. "I'm sorry Crona, but I don't know you well enough to tell you that."

Crona blinked, then bowed his head slightly. "S-Sorry…"

"It's alright. The point I'm trying to make is that no one decides which category you're in for you. You make that decision yourself. Either you want to be in a relationship, or you don't. Either you go looking for one, or you don't. And if you want to be in one, but don't go looking for one, then there's no one to blame but you."

Crona looked away as he processed this information. Raven saw an opportunity to ask about what was bothering her.

"And I don't see what someone being "screwed up", as you put it, has to do with it. I mean, you're perfectly sane, so-"

Raven stopped when she noticed Crona's reaction. His head had snapped back up to look at her, eyes wide with surprise. For a few moments he simply stared at her with that expression, eyes not blinking. That was disturbing enough, but what bothered Raven more was that after a while, he turned his head back down and started to _laugh_.

Not a loud, booming laugh, though, but a quiet, almost bitter chuckle. This only made Raven even more worried. _What did I say wrong_?

"Crona…?" she cautiously asked. Crona lifted his head slightly, but didn't turn to look at her.

"I guess you were right…"

Raven blinked as Crona turned his head, a sad smile on his face. 

"You don't know me well enough."

Before Raven could even begin to ask what he meant…

_WHAM_!

The two looked behind them to see that the self-proclaimed greatest space pirate in the universe™, Captain Subarashii, had arrived, kicking the door open like last time.

"Yoho!"

Raven sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose as the captain walked down the stairs towards them. _Is he going to do that every time_?

He arrived at his seat with a wide grin on his face, which quickly disappeared when he noticed the generally bad mood that was coming off of his two companions.

"Geez, what's with you two? You could hit the depression in here with a broadsword and you wouldn't even make a dent in it!"

The captain moved closer to them and leaned forward, grin returning.

"Aww, were you guys worried I wasn't going to show up, and got depressed that you'd miss my awesome presence?"

Raven glared at the captain, suppressing the growl in her throat as best as she could. "Don't flatter yourself."

The captain blinked, then backed up and walked over to the table, scratching the back of his neck. "Sheesh, can't even take a little joke…"

He grabbed the envelope for the day and ripped it open, reading the letter inside.

_I commend you all on the job you did last time. It was truly a difficult task to sit through that garbage._

_This one, however, may be a bit trickier. It is a Pokemon/Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney crossover, titled The Trial Of May. While the concept alone may confuse you, the real trouble is in the story itself._

_The fanfiction you've reviewed so far have been blatantly bad, in plot, writing, characterization, grammar, and more. As such, they are easy to make fun of. This is bad in a different sense. Yes, there are enough grammar errors, but the real problem is deeper than that, and it will be very difficult for you to provide humour in this situation._

_However, I have the utmost confidence that you can provide. Good luck._

The captain frowned, confused at the letter's contents. After placing it back on the table, he turned around to find that the other two were wearing similar expressions on their faces.

"The hell was that all about?" the captain wondered. "How could anything be worse than what we went through last time? I _still_ can't get over the gay panda!"

Raven sighed as the captain took his seat. "He said that it was bad in a different sense than the other two, not worse. There is a difference."

"OK, but what exactly did he mean?"

"How should I know? We'll probably find out when we start reading."

The captain sighed, leaning back in his chair. "Jumping in headfirst? Well, I am an expert on the method, so we may as well get started."

The three faced the screen, and the game began.

/

**The Trial Of May**

**by Captain Bones**

Subarashii: By the way, how come almost no one makes fics of the Pokemon games? It's almost always the anime.

Crona: The characters are more developed in the anime, I guess. I think the main method for basing on the games is to just make your own character and go from there.

Subarashii: Sounds like a recipe for failure to me.

**Narrator: While Ash is doing some training in the mountains, everyone else is having a party.**

Raven: Wait, script format? Oh, yeah, that's a professional way to write.

*SELF-DEPRECIATVE HUMOUR AWAY!*

Subarashii: Gah! I thought we were done with that!

**May: I never thought we would have our party in this beautiful mansion.**

**Dawn: Yeah. Mr. Hanson had this place built a long time ago.**

Raven: Wait, I thought May and Dawn were from separate seasons?

Crona: Maybe this takes place during the crossover episodes?

**Max: I wonder who the new owner is.**

Crona: …never mind.

**Just then a black man wearing a tuxedo cam to them.**

Subarashii: Oh, thank God, it's Agent J! Quick, wipe my memories of this thing so I can move on with my life!

Raven: Isn't it a little early to be saying that?

Subarashii: Who cares, it's Agent J!

**Man: I am. I'm Joey Hanson Zak's grandson.**

Subarashii: Oh sure, dash my hopes!

**Dawn: How long did you live here?**

Crona: …odd thing to say to someone you just met. Isn't something like a "hello" or "nice to meet you" better?

**Joey: Most of my life. When my grandfather died my mother brought the place after we moved.**

**Max: So you're saying you came here.**

Raven: Uh…yeah, he just said that.

**Joey: My grandfather let my mother buy his mansion 5 minutes before he died.**

**May: How did he die?**

Subarashii: …what the hell, kid? You know this guy for all of a few seconds and you're already asking about his dead relatives? And I thought May was supposed to be the nice one!

**Joey: Cancer. My mother died in a car accident. When it crashed she said she tried to avoid running over a child with a lantern.**

**Dawn: Was it a boy or a girl?**

Raven: What does that have to do with anything?

Subarashii: Seriously, what's with all these probing questions? Guys, we haven't even had the crime that needs to be investigated yet! You're jumping the gun here!

Crona: Not only that, but will this information even be useful later on?

**Joey: No one know for sure. But when she lay dead in the car the people in the area looked around and saw no one with a lantern.**

**May: That's strange.**

Subarashii: "Almost as strange as the fact that I haven't even hit puberty yet and I have the chest of a 18-year old!"

**Joey: When I was 20 I got a job at a auto shop and my dad allowed me to own the place when he moved to Petalburg City.**

Raven: And why are we supposed to care about this? Is this guy even a character in the series?

Crona: If he is, he's probably a character-of-the-week at best.

**Max: That's where May and I live!**

**Joey: Oh. That's a surprise. But my father died 5 months ago by murder.**

Subarashii: …you know what, I take back what I said earlier. Apparently this guy has no problem giving away personal information to total strangers.

**Dawn: Who killed him?**

Crona: You couldn't have maybe been a little more gentle with that, Dawn?

**Joey: A Team Rocket grunt. He plan to take the mansion for his Boss and use it as a hideout or a new base.**

**May: What ever happened to the grunt?**

**Joey: He was arrested 2 minutes after he killed my father.**

**Max: Sorry about that.**

Raven: Oh sure, _now_ you offer your condolences. Kids today, I swear.

Crona: Not only that, but it was Max who said it. The youngest of the group.

Subarashii: Amazing how he has more tact than the actual protagonists, huh?

**Joey: That's alright, at least he is in prison where he belongs.**

Subarashii: "And I'm sure he'll stay there, because him breaking out and causing a problem would just be too exciting for us!"

**Just then May's contest rival Harley arrived at the scene.**

Raven: Obvious antagonist approaching!

**Harley: Well well well glad you came May.**

**May: Harley!**

**Max: Not you again!**

**Harley: Where are your other friends?**

**May: Why should I tell you!**

Subarashii: "Well geez, I was going to offer to take you all out to dinner, but if you're gonna be snippy…"

**Max: Brock is in the kitchen cooking the party food, and Ash is doing extra training in the mountains. Ash couldn't be here.**

**May: Max!**

Crona: Wait, why make a big deal of it if he's just going to tell her anyway?

Raven: You mean him.

Crona: Huh?

Raven: …Harley's a guy, Crona.

Crona: …really?

**Harley: Ash couldn't make it? Oh that's too bad.**

**May: (Mad)What! Why you!**

Subarashii: Why is she getting all pissy? I get that they're enemies and all, but he hasn't actually done anything wrong yet.

Raven: I think it's because this writer isn't very good at presenting actual conflict.

Subarashii: Doesn't surprise me.

**Harley: Don't get upset I finally decided to changed my ways.**

**Dawn: When do you mean?**

**Harley: My hatred of May is over.**

Raven: …"My hatred of May is over"? Um…alright…I have no idea what to say to that.

**May: I'm not buying it.**

**Harley: But it's true. I prove it.**

Crona: Don't you mean that you _will_ prove it?

Subarashii: I'm starting to see those aforementioned grammar errors.

**Max: Let's see you try.**

**Harley's proof was interrupt by May's other contest rival Drew.**

Crona: "His proof was interrupt"?

Subarashii: Playboy alert! Quick, Raven, shield your eyes from his memetic sexiness!

Raven: …_he's ten_.

**Drew: May!**

**May: (Smiling) Drew!**

**Drew: Don't let him fool you. It might be a trick.**

**May: I believe it is a trick.**

**Max: So do I.**

Raven: Well, that was simply a _riveting_ conflict presented here. I almost thought that he might slightly trick them for the ten seconds it was there.

**Drew: Let's find ourselves a table, Brock is almost finished cooking.**

**As May, Max and Drew went to find a place to sit, Harley looked at them.**

**Harley: (Thinking) She likes Drew. The perfect target to get May out of the way. But how? What should I do?**

Crona: Is he plotting a murder…? I know Harley's supposed to be a rival, but isn't plotting to murder children a bit extreme?

Subarashii: Ah, a common sign of bad fanfiction: obvious villains. Still not really seeing what the "deeper problem" is.

**After they found their table May spotted Ash's best friend Misty sitting alone at another table.**

Raven: Um, doesn't she have a gym to run? Why is she in another region entirely?

**May: Excuse me for a second.**

**May got up from her chair.**

**Max: May. Where are you going?**

**May: I'll be right back.**

Raven: Is anyone going to answer this? Anyone?

**At Misty's table**

**May: Hey Misty what wrong?**

**Misty: Oh May.**

**May: Is someone wrong?**

Subarashii: "Is some_one_ wrong?" Yes, someone is wrong. Whoever wrote this fic-

Crona: Captain Bones?

Subarashii: …is wrong, now not only for screwing around with the continuity of a series, but using a name that's practically begging me to hunt him down and _put a hole in his head_!

**Misty: Nothing is wrong. It's just that Ash isn't here.**

Raven: Oh, joy. This must be the whiny Misty who's so dependent on her maaaaan, Ash. Because that's completely in character for her.

**May: Ash will be here in the morning.**

**Dawn came to join them.**

**Misty: I was hoping he would be here instead of doing training in the mountains.**

Raven: Why do all the heroes have to do their special training in the mountains, anyway? What's so special about mountains?

Subarashii: Rule of Cool, Rae. Rule of Cool.

*TVTropes references: 11*

Raven: Don't call me Rae.

**May: He needs it for the Sinnoh League. He'll be fine.**

**Dawn: Right. No need to worry.**

**May: Why not join me, Max and Drew at our table?**

**Misty: Sure.**

**Dawn: I 'll come too.**

**When the girls went to the table they found themselves at the table with the Ace Attorney Phoenix Wright.**

Crona: …and that's it? He's just there? How is he in the Pokemon world?

**Misty: Phoenix Wright!**

**Phoenix: Hi there. Good to see you. Where is Ash?**

Crona: How does Phoenix Wright know these guys? Since when does Phoenix Wright hang around with children?

Others: …

Crona: …that don't directly help him with his cases?

**Max: He went to do some training in the mountains.**

**Phoenix: Oh.**

**May: So what brings you here?**

**Phoenix: Joey watched me being successful on defending somebody in a trial, so he decided to invite me to this party, and I accept.**

Crona: How does this guy know Phoenix Wright? Why isn't anyone explaining anything? You can't just drop two people from different fandoms in one place and not explain anything!

*SELF-DEPRECIATIVE…ACTUALLY, NEVER MIND.*

Crona: …I'm just going to stop talking now…

**Drew: What happened?**

**Phoenix: He was on trial for beating up a cook. But the truth is the cook slipped on a banana peel that he dropped and hit medal objects around him in the kitchen at a restaurant.**

**Dawn: And you proved it.**

**Phoenix: I sure did.**

Subarashii: "What kind of lawyer protagonist would I be if I didn't prove that such an incredibly unlikely event happened?"

**Before someone else was going to say something they heard Brock calling.**

**Brock: The food is ready!**

**Everybody cheered.**

Subarashii: And the studio audience boos. …seriously, we need one.

**Joey: My hired severs will bring your food to you, so stay seated please!**

**While eating.**

**Misty: So who was the prosecutor?**

**Phoenix: Miles Edgeworth.**

**May: What is a tough trial?**

**Phoenix: Yeah. Mr. Edgeworth was really upset after the trial.**

Raven: Am I the only one starting to get bored with this?

Subarashii: Not really.

**Dawn: Wow.**

**Drew: Brock is a great cook.**

**Max: It's true.**

Subarashii: You can just feel the emotion coming off of the dialogue here, can't you?

**Joey: Attention everyone!**

**Everybody stopped taking and looked at Joey.**

**Joey: I have invite you all here for a special celebration!**

**Everybody cheered.**

**Joey: This is a 25th Anniversary of my grandfather's death.**

Crona: You're celebrating a relative's death?

Subarashii: What is _wrong_ with these people?

**Harley: Grandfather?**

**Joey: He was a Pokemon Champion in the Sinnoh league.**

**Joey opened a case and took out a golden trophy.**

**Joey: This my grandfather's championship trophy.**

**May: It's beautiful.**

Subarashii: "It's so beautiful I have a feeling it'll come into play later as an insipid plot device!"

**Misty: I'm looking forward to see Ash win one.**

**Dawn: I wish him the best of luck.**

**Phoenix: He will need more than that to win.**

Raven: And apparently, Phoenix Wright is also an expert on Pokemon battles now. And this will probably never be explained either.

Crona: Still wondering how he even got there.

**Drew: Excuse me for a moment. I going to the restroom.**

**Harley: The perfect place to put my plan to action. I better think of one fast..**

Subarashii: Dude! You just announced your plan aloud! Now everyone heard you! This ain't Shakespeare, you can't get away with that shit!

**Misty saw Officer Jenny enter the room and then she saw Brock in front of her.**

**Misty: Excuse me for a moment.**

**May: You too Misty?**

**Dawn: The restroom is over there.**

**Max: She just going to do what I do to Brock every time he is close to a pretty adult girl.**

Raven: First rule of telling a joke: _don't explain it_.

**Brock: There is nothing to worry about. We just celebrating the grandfather of. Ahhh!**

Crona: Is the grandfather of Ahhh! anything like the Black Beast of Arrrrrgh?

Raven: We can only hope.

**Misty: ( Grabbed Brock by the ear and dragged him away) You should worry about our dessert.**

**Brock: No not the ear not the ear!**

Subarashii: It's either that, or get stabbed in the ass by your Croagunk again. Your choice.

**Harley: Officer Jenny? Hey I got a idea. Time for action.**

Subarashii: "I think I'll just stand here and announce what I'm going to do like a dumbass!"

**Four minutes later**

**May: I wonder what taking Drew so long.**

**Dawn: He'll be back, no need to worry.**

**Max: Why not go check?**

**May: Good idea Max.**

**May went off to find Drew.**

Raven: "This seems like a trap, which is why I'm just going to walk right into it! I'm such a smart protagonist!"

**Misty: Hey where did May go?**

**Phoenix: She went to see why Drew hasn't came back yet?**

**Dawn: Where were you Misty?**

**Misty: I was just dragging Brock away from Officer Jenny.**

Crona: Didn't Max just explain that before it actually happened? What was the point of ruining the joke if no one was going to remember it?

**Just then there was a scream.**

**Misty: Did you hear that?**

**Dawn: Somebody screamed.**

Subarashii: Oh hey, Dawn is working for the Department of Redundancy Department too!

*TVTropes references: 12*

**Phoenix: Let's check it out.**

**Max: We better bring Brock and Officer Jenny with us.**

**With no time to waste Misty, Dawn, Max, Phoenix, Brock, and Officer Jenny went to where the scream came from.**

**Misty: ( Pointing at the door that leads to the restrooms) In here.**

**As they opened the door they saw Drew laying face down on the floor.**

Crona: DUN DUN DUN!

Raven: Please don't start that again.

**Misty: Drew?**

**Brock: He alive, and out cold.**

Crona: …I don't think you need to say both. We know he's lying face down on the floor, so if he's alive, he's out cold, and if he's out cold, he's obviously alive. Why say both?

**Officer Jenny looked forward and saw May coming out of the women's bathroom and Harley coming out of the Mens restroom.**

Raven: See, Crona?

Crona: …huh.

**Jenny: Anyone know what happened to Drew?**

**Phoenix: It's looks like he was attacked.**

Subarashii: "Or maybe he slipped on a banana peel!"

**Harley: (Pointing at May) She did it! She did it! May attacked Drew! I saw it with m own eyes! I'm your witness.**

Raven: …_that's_ Harley's plan? …I seriously think my IQ just dropped a few points.

**May: What! Impossible!**

**Jenny: May you're under arrest.**

**Officer Jenny put the handcuffs on May's wrists.**

Raven: "As an upstanding officer of the law, I instantly believe you!"

**Harley: (Thinking) The plan worked. Now I'll win the Pokemon contest for sure. Dawn will be easy to defeat.**

Subarashii: Hey, you forgot to announce it aloud this time!

**Misty: I don't think May did this.**

**Brock: I'll go call the hospital.**

**Phoenix: Officer Jenny sorry to interrupt you, but is there going to be a trial for this?**

**Jenny: Of course there is. Why ask?**

**Phoenix: I'm an Ace Attorney. And I'll be May's Attorney.**

Crona: I wasn't aware Ace Attorney was an actual profession…

**Jenny: OK.**

Raven: "I should have absolutely no idea who you are, but I approve of this!"

**When Jenny exited the room everyone else when to see what was happening.**

**Joey: What's this.**

Subarashii: We get signal. Main screen turn on.

Raven: …I'm not even going to dignify that with a comment.

**Jenny: Everybody stand back, this is police business.**

**Dawn: How long will she be in Jail?**

**Jenny: She be in for 1 day after tonight.**

**Harley: One day? It should be longer than that.**

**Jenny: After that day she will be on trial. She spend 5 years in Prison, if she's found guilty.**

Crona: Thank you for that explanation of how the judicial system works. Even though it should be obvious to someone reading a crime story.

**Phoenix: I'll make sure that doesn't happen.**

**When Officer Jenny and May left the mansion everybody else ate their dessert and got up the leave to place.**

**Joey: Goodbye everyone. Thanks for coming.**

**Before Misty, Dawn, Max, Brock and Phoenix left Joey stopped them.**

**Joey: Would any of you like spend the night in my home.**

**Misty: Sure.**

**Dawn: Yeah.**

**Max: Cool.**

**Brock: Thanks.**

**Phoenix: I accept.**

Subarashii: Sooooo…what the hell was the point in saying goodbye if they were just going to stay there?

Crona: And why did he need to show responses from everyone? A simple "OK" would've worked.

Raven: This is why the script format concept just doesn't work for a story.

*SELF-DEPRECIATIVE…NEVER MIND.*

Raven: …

**The next morning**

**Ash was walking back to the city.**

**Ash: That was a lot of great training. Wasn't it Pikachu?**

**Pikachu: Pikachu.**

**Ash: You and my other Pokemon are a lot stronger than ever!**

**Pikachu: Pika.**

**Ash: Yeah! That Sinnoh league championship is as good as mine!**

Subarashii: Would you get to the point already? Jesus Christ, it's just needless dialogue over and over that doesn't actually contribute anything to the story!

**When Ash reached the city he saw Misty running to him.**

**Misty: Ash!**

**Ash: Misty! What's up?**

**When Misty was close to Ash, she dropped to her knees to rest her legs.**

Raven: Not a word, Subarashii.

Subarashii: I wasn't going to say anything…

Raven: Suuuuuure…

**Misty: Ash you won't believe what happened last night at the party.**

**Ash: Hey Misty. Let's go to the Pokemon center, so you can tell me all about it.**

**Misty: Good idea.**

Crona: He sounds so concerned, doesn't he? One of his best friends just dropped to her knees and he says "I don't feel like talking out here, let's go to the Pokemon Center". Great guy, this Ash.

**At the Pokemon center**

**Ash: So what happened?**

**Misty: Well two things happened. First when May, Dawn, Drew, Max and I sat down, we found ourselves at a table with Phoenix Wright.**

**Ash: Phoenix Wright was there too!**

**Pikachu: Pikachu!**

**Misty: Yeah.**

**Ash: Man, I wish I was there.**

Subarashii: _How do they know about Phoenix Wright_? Why is no one explaining this?

**Misty: The second thing that happened was bad.**

**Ash: Bad?**

Raven: "I found out that all the willpower and strong attitude that defines my character disappeared! And it was somehow replaced with nothing but concern for you!"

**Misty: We heard a scream from the room the leads to the bathrooms. When we entered the room with Brock and Officer Jenny we saw Drew laying on the floor. He was out cold and alive.**

Crona: Again with the "out cold and alive"? You only need to say one, we can assume the other is true!

**Ash: What happened?**

**Misty: He was attacked by somebody. We don't know who. Then Harley said May did it.**

**Ash: May attacked Drew?**

**Misty: Well That's what Harley said, but none of us expect Officer Jenny believed him.**

**Ash: So May was blamed for that.**

**Misty: Yes. After that Officer Jenny arrested her.**

**Ash: May is in Jail!**

Subarashii: Wow, he catches on really quick, doesn't he?

**Misty: Yes. Tomorrow she will be on trial. And Phoenix Wright will be her Attorney.**

**Ash: I'm sure Phoenix will pull it off.**

Subarashii: "I should know, since I'm so familiar with this work!"

**Misty: But we need evidences and I'll need you to help Phoenix defend May.**

**Ash: Why me? I don't think I'm a good defender.**

**Misty: You owe her a favor, since she helped you save Pikachu from Team Rocket.**

Raven: Which time was that?

Crona: Why should he even need to worry about that? Ash isn't the type to need a reason to help someone. Besides, they're friends!

**Pikachu: Pi Pikachu.**

**Misty: It looks like Pikachu remembers.**

**Ash: I'll do it Misty. Anything for a friend.**

Crona: See? So what was the point of that?

**Misty: Great. I'll go look for clues, you check in the hotel closest to the courtroom.**

**Ash: Where's everyone else?**

**Misty: Max, Brock and Dawn are at the hospital waiting a report on Drew's situation.**

Subarashii: Let me guess: alive and out cold?

**In another part of the city**

**Man: Hey guys the news is on!**

Subarashii: "I wonder what vital and earth-shaking events will be considered important enough to report?"

**On the big TV screen**

**Reporter: News flash. Pokemon coordinator Drew has been attacked by someone from behind during a party at Joey Hanson's mansion. He was found laying face down in a room that leads to the restrooms. Fellow coordinator Haley said he was attacked by Pokemon coordinator May who lost to Drew in the Pokemon grand festival in Hoenn. May as been taken to the Local Prison while Drew was taken to the Hospital. May will be on trial tomorrow with Ace Attorney Phoenix Wright as her defender. We'll have a full report of Drew's situation later on.**

**Watching the news was Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth.**

**Miles: Phoenix is a Attorney again. Wha...**

Raven: Wait, again? When did he stop being an attorney?

**Miles was interrupted by another Prosecutor Klavier Gavin.**

**Miles: Klavier!**

Crona: Klaiver? Wait…this is after the timeskip? _Why_? Why not just use Apollo, then?

Subarashii: Because he's not Phoenix Wright?

Crona: So?

**Klavier: Hi. Sorry to interrupt you, but do you think they should have used a lie detector on her?**

**Miles: Yeah.**

Raven: Why? Why's it so important to you?

**Klavier: Maybe if you were the Prosecution in this trial and win you will avenge your lost to Phoenix in your previous trial.**

**Miles: I love to Klavier. And I am a fan of Drew's. But I'm taking a trip to Jotho for awhile. So why don't you avenge my loss for me.**

**Klavier: I would love to on one condition.**

**Miles: Anything.**

**Klavier: If I win you can tell me about your trip.**

**Miles: It's a deal.**

Subarashii: Unless his trip involves wrestling bears and dropkicking dragons, I doubt it's a worthy prize.

**Klavier: Then it's settled. Prepare yourself Phoenix. May will be in prison for 5 years.**

Crona: …he just made Klavier a villain, didn't he?

Raven: Looks like it.

Crona: *groan*

**Later in May's Jail Cell**

**May: My Pokemon and ribbons. I'll lose them all.**

Raven: I think you have bigger problems than that. What with, you know, prison and all.

**Inmates from others cells were listening**

**Inmate#1: Don't get too sobbing about it.**

**Inmate#2: Yea your have them back in about 50 years.**

Subarashii: …I'd comment on the grammar errors, but I'm actually starting to wonder if English is this guy's first language…

**Ten inmates from nearby cells laughed until one of May's cell mates stopped them.**

**Cell Mate#1: Shut up!**

**May started to be scared.**

Raven: Oh, she just _started_ to be scared? She wasn't already scared of the fact that she was in, you know, prison?

**Cell Mate#1: Sorry May I didn't mean to scare you.**

**Cell Mate#2: He was just trying to stand up for you.**

**May: Thanks. Who are you guys anyway?**

**Cell Mate#1: I'm David Jones, I'm here for armed robbery.**

**Cell Mate#2: My name is Robert Craver. I'm here for smugging cocaine from Sinnoh to Jotho.**

Raven: And now we have more pointless OCs that won't impact the story at all.

Subarashii: *sneezes*

Raven: Bless you.

Subarashii: Thanks.

**David: So why are you here?**

**May: Somebody attacked my contest rival and friend Drew. And my other contest rival Harley said it was me. But I didn't do it.**

**Robert: How long will you be here? I'm in for 4 years.**

**David: 10 years for my crime.**

**May: Tomorrow is my trial. If Phoenix Wright doesn't prove that I'm innocent I'll be in here for 5 years.**

Raven: Dear Azar, this is boring…

**Before Robert could say anything Officer Jenny went across the cell blocks.**

**Jenny: It's visiting hours!**

**Inmate#3: Oh boy. Could I visit Vermont City?**

Subarashii: Is there an actual place in the Pokemon universe called Vermont City?

Crona: In the anime, who knows? In the games, definitely not.

**Inmates from cells next door laughed.**

**Robert: He's a joker.**

Crona: Clearly not a very funny one.

**Jenny arrived at May's cell.**

**Jenny: May you have a visitor.**

**When May looked to see who the visitor was. She was surprised. It's Misty.**

**May: Misty!**

**Misty: Hi.**

**May: I'm glad you came to visit.**

**Misty: That's what friends are for.**

**David and Robert moved closer to her.**

**David: Hey it's Misty! I'm so happy to finally meet you.**

**Robert: Hi Misty.**

**May: You people know each other?**

Raven: "Of course we do, we're OCs!"

Subarashii: *sneezes*

Raven: Bless you.

Subarashii: Thanks.

Crona: You're not getting sick or anything, are you?

Subarashii: Nah, probably just dust allergies or something.

**David: My son defeated her 3rd sister Lily for the Cascade badge.**

**Misty: He was good.**

**Robert: But my son fought Misty and lost.**

**Misty: Don't worry May. I'll go back to the Mansion and try to find clues and evidences to prove you're innocent.**

**May: Thanks.**

**Misty: By the way Ash will team up with Phoenix Wright to help you.**

**May: You mean I have two attorneys?**

**Misty: A dream team of attorneys like O.J. Simpson had.**

Subarashii: Oh, well, in that case, the worst that could happen is that she gets off scot-free, but her reputation is decimated anyway! And then she'll write a book years later about what she would've done if she were guilty in order to get some attention!

**May: Okay.**

**Misty: Well I better go now.**

**May: Okay. Thanks for visiting.**

**Misty left the Police Station.**

**David: I do believe they have a chance to win.**

**Robert: You will be free to go in the end.**

**May: Really?**

**David: Before we were caught, we watched you in your contests.**

**Robert: Win or lose you were great.**

**May: Thanks.**

Crona: Um…she seems perfectly fine with criminals being big fans of hers.

Raven: Oh Crona, the stories I could tell you…

**6:00 P.M. At the Hotel.**

**Phoenix: Do you believe you can find the evidences we need to win the trial?**

**Misty: I'll do what I can.**

**Ash: Good luck Misty.**

**Misty: You too Ash.**

**Dawn: How's dinner going?**

**Brock: It's ready.**

**Max: I think we should turn in for the night after we eat.**

**Phoenix: Good idea.**

Subarashii: YAWN. Can we get to the fucking point already?

**The next day at the Police Station**

**David: Good morning Robert and May.**

**Robert: Good morning David.**

**David: What wrong May?**

**Robert: Did you sleep well?**

**May: I did. Today is the day of the trial.**

**Just then Officer Jenny came to May's cell, but before she did anything May spoke.**

**May: ( Standing up) I'm ready to go.**

**Jenny: So you know that today is your trial.**

**May: Yes.**

Raven: Why wouldn't she know that today was the day? Never mind the fact that they mentioned it enough times, but I'd think someone, you know, in prison, would remember when their court date is!

**While May was walking out of the Station the other inmates looked at her without saying a word.**

**May: ( Thinking) I hope Drew is OK. He'll tell us who framed me.**

**Jenny: Attention everyone! I want all of you to have your TV's on, because May's trial is today. So I request that you all watch it!**

Crona: Why? Why does Officer Jenny care about whether or not people are watching the trial? What difference does it make?

**Inmate#4: Better do what she saids boys. This would be entertaining.**

**Inmate#5: If May was framed, I like to know who did it and why.**

Crona: _Why_? Why do they care? Is everyone in this prison a pedophile stalker? …actually, on second thought, I don't want to know.

**All TVs in every Jail Cell was turned on.**

**At the courtroom**

**Phoenix: It time.**

**Everybody was talking until the Judge hit his table with his gavel to stop the talking and begin the trial.**

**Judge: Quiet please. Court is now in session. We shall begin the trial of May.**

Raven: No last name? I know the Judge isn't supposed to be all that bright, but he could at least learn the full name of the accused.

**Phoenix: The defense is ready.**

**Klavier: The prosecution is ready too your honor.**

**Judge: Very well then let's begin. The defendant is accused of a violent attack on Drew.**

Raven: What, he couldn't learn the full name of the victim either?

Crona: If you can't think of a name, why not just make something up? At least then you'd be pretending to know what you're talking about.

**It's so sad and strange that someone age 10 can cause an act of violence.**

**Klavier: Indeed it is your honor. According to the autopsy report**

Subarashii: You only do an autopsy report if they're dead, numbnuts! Do you guys know anything about…_anything_?

**he had a couple of injuries to the back of his head, no brain damage, his arm was bleeding and some injuries to the chest. The damage should sentences to life in prison.**

**Phoenix: Objection! Officer Jenny said May will be in Jail for 5 years if Mr. Gavin defeat me in this trial.**

Subarashii: But Gavin said otherwise because he's obviously the villain here.

Crona: Even though he shouldn't be…

**Judge: That is acceptable. Do you have anything to say in defense Mr. Wright?**

**Phoenix: Yes. There is no way May could have done that. She's not strong enough and there is no blood on her gloves. She haven't wash them yet.**

**Klavier: How did you know?**

**Phoenix: I was at the party, where the crime took place. I heard a**

**Klaiver: Objection! There is a song about spaceships.**

All: …_huh_?

Subarashii: Are we in What-The-Fuck-Ville again?

Raven: Maybe he's just a CloudCuckooLander?

*TVTropes references: 12*

Subarashii: Dammit Raven!

**People were chatting about that.**

**Judge: (Hitting the desk three times with his gavel) Order Order Order! This is no time for music! Objection denied!**

**Klaiver: Sorry your honor I got carried away. I just that...**

**Judge: Drop the subject! Continue your story Mr. Wright.**

Raven: Well, that was completely pointless.

**Phoenix: Sure. I heard a scream somewhere in the mansion, so me May's friends that were at the party and Officer Jenny went to where Drew was found. A few second later May went out the bathroom. So there no way she did it.**

**Klaiver: Objection! You forgotten that May and Drew are rivals in Pokemon contests.**

**Judge: That's a possible reason to attack someone.**

Subarashii: "Because Pokemon battles are SERIOUS BUSINESS."

**Phoenix: Your honor. Can my partner Ash Ketchum say something in defense about that?**

**Judge: No problem. You may speak now Mr. Ketchum.**

Subarashii: "Even though you have no legal expertise whatsoever, I'm OK with this!"

**Ash: Maybe so, but Drew is not mean to May. She might have been mad at him before, that is in the past. Drew given May roses. Even after May's first contest lost to Drew. They are friends.**

**Judge: That's seems like a reason to go free.**

Subarashii: This has to be the stupidest judge I've ever seen in my life.

Crona: Sadly, this is actually fairly in-character for him…

**Klaiver: Objection! You just making that up!**

Raven: Wow, that sounded legitimate…

**Ash: Objection! It's true! May and I traveled together with her bother and a friend in Hoenn and Kanto. I saw it happen. May show the court one the roses Drew gave to you.**

**May shows one of her roses.**

**Ash: Ha! So that means she didn't do it.**

Subarashii: …I think my brain just fell asleep.

Crona: That doesn't sound like a bad idea…

**Klaiver: She must have used her Pokemon.**

**Phoenix: Objection! All Pokeballs were in a storage room for safe keeping. Nobody went up there, until they left the mansion.**

**Klaiver: Could I ask Ash a question your honor?**

**Judge: I don't see why not.**

**Ash: Ask away.**

**Klaiver: Since your Pikachu will never go in it's Pokeball. Where was it Mr. Ketchum?**

**Ash: I wasn't at the party.**

**Judge: Since you wasn't there, I guess there is nothing else that Ash can do. You may leave now.**

**Phoenix: Ash is my partner, he helping me on defending May in the trial.**

Subarashii: "It's no different from all the other underage youths that I hang around with!"

Raven: That raises some questions about Phoenix Wright that I'm not sure I want answered…

**Judge: Do you have anything else to say Mr. Ketchum?**

**Ash: The defense like to call it's first witness.**

**Judge: Yes. It's time for the witness's testimony.**

**Ash: For our first witness I call Brock.**

**Brock enters the courtroom.**

**Judge: Witness state your name and occupation.**

**Brock: My name is Brock Slate.**

Subarashii: …_really_? NOW you give them a made up last name, and you go with SLATE? You…you just…I…AGH!

Crona: What's wrong with his fan name of Harrison? Or weren't you aware of that?

**I'm a Pokemon breeder and the oldest son of the Pewter City's Gym Leader. I'm May's friend.**

Subarashii: "Which means my testimony will be totally reliable and unbiased!"

Raven: But we know she didn't do it.

Subarashii: I know, and that joke would probably have been funnier, except the fact that we know who the guilty party is kills off any drama this might have had!

**Judge: OK witness begin your testimony.**

**Brock: I was the chef at the party. I was preparing the dessert, when I heard someone screaming. So I went to see what it was and there was Drew on the floor face down. While May was being taken in Prison I called the hospital to pick up Drew.**

**Phoenix: I'm ready for the cross examine.**

**Klaiver: I am too.**

**Judge: You may begin your cross examine Mr. Gavin.**

**Ash: Hold it! Why can't we go first?**

**Judge: Mr. Slate is your witness.**

**Ash: That makes sense.**

Raven: Love how emotionally invested in this Ash is. He clearly cares about making sure May gets released. You can just tell, can't you?

**Klavier: When did you first met May?**

**Brock: In Hoenn. She was with Ash and her brother Max.**

**Klavier: Was she ever doing any violent during your travels with her?**

**Brock: Of course not.**

**Klavier: No more questions for now your honor.**

**Judge: OK Mr. Wright. It's your turn now.**

**Phoenix: Is it true that you was with Ash, May and Max when Ash went to win Battle Frontier symbols?**

**Brock: Yes. But we went home after the Hoenn league was over.**

**Phoenix: When did you traveled with them?**

**Brock: May was with Ash, Misty and Max leaving Pallet town, and when I met with them I came along.**

**Phoenix: Can Mr. Ketchum speak your honor?**

**Judge: Surely.**

**Ash: I just want to say that everything Brock said is true.**

Subarashii: Wow, I'm sure that last statement totally validates everything Brock said. You just have to love the complete lack of bias on the part of the defense.

**Phoenix: No more questions.**

**Judge: Very well then Mr. Slate you may now leave the courtroom.**

**Brock: Thanks.**

**Judge: Mr. Gavin it's your turn to call a witness.**

**Klavier: For my first witness I call Jeff Johnson.**

Raven: Oh, great, _another_ useless OC.

Subarashii: *sneezes*

Raven: Bless you. You should really get that checked out.

Subarashii: Yeah, I know.

**Jeff enters the courtroom**

**Judge: All right witness state your name and occupation.**

**Jeff: My name is Jeff Johnson. I'm a market worker..**

**Judge: Begin your testimony.**

**Jeff: Joey Hanson is a friend of mine. When he heard about my day off he invited me to the party. Everything looked normal until the scream.**

**Judge: Mr. Wright you may now begin your cross examine.**

**Phoenix: Do you know the defendant May?**

**Jeff: No. Not really. I wasn't with them at the party.**

**Phoenix: Have you ever any Pokemon contests before?**

**Jeff: I have. But I didn't see any contest that May was in.**

**Phoenix: No more questions your honor.**

**Judge: Okay. Do you any questions Mr. Ketchum.**

**Ash: Just one.**

**Klavier: Objection! It's my turn!**

Subarashii: For the love of God, is Klavier always this whiny?

Crona: Far from it, actually. But I guess that comes with being the obvious villain here.

Raven: Besides Harley, you mean.

Crona: Right.

**Phoenix: Objection! Ash is allow th speak when I'm out of questions for the witness!**

**Klavier: That's not true!**

**Judge: ( Hitting the desk three times with his gavel) Order! Order! Mr. Ketchum will speak now. Wait your turn Mr. Gavin.**

**Klaiver: Yes your honor.**

**Ash: As I was saying. Why didn't you see any Pokemon contests with May?**

**Jeff: I was at work. I usually clean the house on weekends.**

**Ash: What about your wife?**

Raven: Oh, what, so it's the wife's job to clean the house? Is that it, Ketchum?

**Jeff: I'm not married. I live alone.**

**Judge: That's a shame.**

Subarashii: "A shame that you don't have someone to-"…actually, forget it, I'm not gonna go there.

**Any more questions Mr. Ketchum?**

**Ash: Enough for now.**

**Judge: Okay. Mr. Gavin it's your turn now.**

**Klavier: Witness did you ever see May before?**

**Jeff: Last time I saw May see was handcuffed and taken out of the mansion by Officer Jenny. I didn't seen her before that night.**

**Klavier: Was that the only time you seen her Mr. Johnson?**

**Jeff: Yep.**

**Klaiver: No more questions.**

Raven: Oh look, more pointlessness.

**Judge: Very well. The defense may call their next witness.**

**Ash: Our next witness is Max.**

**Max entered the courtroom.**

**Klavier: You have a child as a witness? You got to be crazy.**

**People started to laugh.**

Subarashii: …shouldn't people be disturbed by this? Why in the hell are they laughing? Are they fucking sadists or something?

**Judge: (Hitting his desk three times with his gavel) Order! Order in the court! Witness state your name and occupation.**

**Max: I'm Max. I'm May little brother.**

Subarashii: Once again, totally unbiased testimony.

**Judge: Begin your testimony witness.**

**Max: May leave the table to go to the restroom. She didn't go out until she was done. Drew was already on the ground when May went out.**

**Judge: Mr. Gavin you may begin your cross examine.**

**Klavier: When did you start traveling?**

**Max: When Ash and May came home.**

**Klaiver: Was there any act of violence in her life that you saw or heard?**

**Max: Never.**

**Klavier: (Thinking) Man this is getting tough I hope my next and final witness can help me win.**

Crona: Klavier doesn't care about winning! Being a prosecutor is just a game to him! Why is this Klavier so out of character?

Raven: Because the writer is terrible at his supposed job.

**Judge: Anything wrong Mr. Gavin?**

**Klavier: No. No more questions.**

**Judge: Mr. Wright you may begin your cross examine.**

**Phoenix: Is it true that you were the navigator of the team?**

**Max: (Pulling out his Pokenav) Here is the proof.**

**Phoenix: What reaction did you have when May was arrested?**

**Max: Very sad.**

Subarashii: Well, that's a surprise! I mean, it's not like you guys are family or anything!

**Phoenix: Do you believe that May was framed?**

**Klavier: Objection! You can't ask that question!**

**Judge: Objection denied! You can ask any question.**

**Klavier: Shoot!**

Subarashii: …our seats need to have trays, so I have easy access to something I can hit my head against in moments like these.

**Judge: Answer the question Max.**

**Max: I believe so.**

**Phoenix: Any idea who?**

**Max: Not yet. Someone is looking for the evidences to prove May's innocent.**

**Phoenix: No more questions your honor.**

**Judge: Okay. It's Mr. Ketchum's turn start his cross examine.**

**Ash: I have nothing to ask your honor.**

**Judge: Well then Mr. Gavin shall call his next witness.**

Raven: I honestly cannot imagine anything more boring than this supposed "court case".

**At the mansion**

**Knock Knock Knock**

Raven: Wait, wait, I take it back!

**Joey: Just a minute.**

**Joey opens the door and sees Misty.**

**Joey: Misty. What can I do for you?**

**Misty: Can I check the crime scene? I looking for clues and evidences to prove once and all that May's innocent.**

**Joey: Sure come in.**

**Misty: Thanks.**

Raven: "It's a good thing this is totally legal!"

**Misty went to the scene of the crime and found a scrapbook with Harley's name on it.**

**Misty: I wonder what's inside.**

**Misty looked though the pages, until she found a picture of May with a skull and crossbones written above it.**

**Misty: Why would Harley do that? Perhaps he hates May for some reason. Maybe he did it and frame May.**

Subarashii: …I really need to arrange that block of time for a good cry soon…

**Misty left the crime scene.**

**Joey: So did you find anything?**

**Misty: Yeah. I found Harley's scrapbook and look at this.**

**Joey look at the skull and crossbones above a picture of May.**

**Joey: That looks like a sign of hatred to me.**

Subarashii: "So he must be the real culprit! Thank God that line of thinking actually works and isn't insanely stupid!"

**Misty: I better go to the courtroom and show this to the trial.**

**Joey: You better hurry. The prosecution's second witness just left the courtroom. Both sides are down to their last witness.**

**Misty quickly ran out of the mansion.**

**Back at the courtroom**

Raven: Oh joy, back to the "thrilling drama" of the courtroom. How much more of this do we have to endure?

Subarashii: Too much.

**Judge: Alright. The defense can now call it's final witness.**

**Ash: For our final witness I call Dawn.**

**Dawn entered the courtroom**

**Judge: Okay witness state your name and occupation.**

**Dawn: I'm Dawn. I'm a Pokemon coordinator in Sinnoh. And May's friend.**

**Judge: Now witness begin your testimony.**

**Dawn: I went to the party that day to have fun. May was with me when we arrived. When Drew was found I saw May being scared on how he looked while laying on the floor.**

**Judge: Is that's all you will say.**

**Dawn: That's correct your honor.**

**Judge: Mr. Gavin you may begin your cross examine.**

**Klavier: Witness when was the first time you met May?**

**Dawn: When she arrived in Sinnoh.**

**Klavier: May came here?**

**Dawn: Yep.**

**Klavier: Was there any madness between her and Drew?**

**Dawn: No. Drew didn't come with her.**

**Klavier: Did she ever got mad?**

**Dawn: Just once.**

**Klavier: That's proves she can be violent your honor.**

Subarashii: "Yes, one act of anger that we will not go into details about is proof enough that she can be violent!" FUCK, I hate these people!

**Judge: That a good point.**

Subarashii: Oh, shut up, you senile old fuck!

Crona: Like I said, that is in-character for him, sadly. Though the obvious bias towards the defense isn't…

**Ash: Objection! You don't even know why she was mad! And besides there was no act of violence.**

Raven: The misogynist is making sense, guys. That isn't right.

**Klavier: Then why was she mad? Mr. Ketchum!**

**Judge: (hitting hid desk with his gavel three times) Order! Order! I want order! Let the witness answer your question Mr. Gavin.**

**Klavier: Yes your honor.**

**Dawn: Well we went to a restaurant. We had to defeat the host in a Pokemon battle to eat there. When we got in we learn that all the food was stolen, and May got angry. It scared me.**

**Klavier: Did she do any act of violence?**

**Dawn: No. She called out one of her Pokemon to track down the thieves.**

**Klavier: No more questions your honor.**

**Judge: Does the defense have any questions?**

**Phoenix: Is it true that you and May were in a Pokemon contest for the Wallace cup?**

**Dawn: Yes.**

**Phoenix: How far did you two go?**

**Dawn: It was me and her in the finals. And I won. It was my 2nd badge.**

**Phoenix: What did May did after the battle?**

**Dawn Nothing. She wasn't upset.**

**Phoenix: No more question your honor.**

**Judge: Okay. Do you have anything to say Mr. Ketchum.**

**Ash: No.**

Subarashii: SNORE. Why is it none of these people have anything to offer? Has this guy ever played an Ace Attorney game in his life?

Raven: You mean they should be getting witnesses that might actually provide a challenge for the defense? Surely you jest.

Subarashii: I do not jest! And don't call me Shirley!

Raven: …I'm going to assume that was a tribute, so I'll save the snarky comment.

**Judge: Then Mr. Gavin call your last witness.**

**Phoenix: We got to think hard for this one Ash.**

**Klavier: I call my final witness Harley.**

**Harley entered the courtroom**

**Ash: ( Thinking) Oh no Harley. If we don't think of something May is screwed.**

Subarashii: Yes, because Harley is such a reliable source of information. God, I can't even bring myself to get angry at this thing anymore.

**Judge: Okay witness state your name and occupation.**

**Harley: My name is Harley. I'm also a Pokemon coordinator. And May's rival.**

**Klavier: Perfect. With you I can't lose.**

Raven: Because her obviously evil rival can turn around what was one of the most one-sided battles anyone's ever seen. This is just…they have not yet invented the word for how stupid this is.

**Judge: Don't talk until the witness begin his testimony Mr. Gavin.**

**Klavier: Right.**

**Harley: I too was at the party that night. Everything just normal. We all were having a good time.**

**Phoenix: Hold it! You were suppose to talk about the crime!**

**Judge: Mr. Wright is right witness.**

Raven: The blatant bias towards the defense doesn't help either. It's incredibly clear from the start that May's going to get off scot free and Harley's going to be arrested. There's no drama whatsoever.

**Harley: I was just getting there. Now as I was saying I was leaving the restroom, then I saw Drew. When I was about to let him past, May attacked him from behind. I saw the whole thing. It scared me, so I went back in the restroom to hide from her.**

**Judge: Okay. Mr. Wright you may now begin your cross examine.**

**Phoenix: Why were hiding from her?**

**Harley: I was afraid she would attack me next. She gone mad. She gone crazy. She was insane!**

**Phoenix: Did you go to the Hospital to see Drew?**

**Harley: No. I was busy training my Pokemon.**

**Phoenix: Is it true that you were being nice to May?**

**Harley: Of course.**

**Ash: Objection! He pretend to be nice to her!**

Subarashii: You know, usually, in a court drama, people back up their claims with some sort of reasoning or logic. They don't just spout their thoughts and pass them off as fact.

Raven: A little evidence wouldn't hurt either…I'm going to regret making that statement, aren't I?

Subarashii: Probably.

**Phoenix: (Thinking) Maybe Ash have some ideas of his own to claim victory in this trial.**

**Klaiver: Objection! You have no proof.**

**Ash: Neither do you!**

Subarashii: Ooh, he's got you there, Klavier!

**Judge: (Hitting his desk with his gavel three times) That's enough! Any more questions Mr. Wright?**

**Phoenix: No your honor.**

**Judge: You may begin your cross examine Mr. Ketchum.**

**Ash: What did you do when you left the Mansion?**

**Harley: When I got my Pokemon back, I went to the hotel.**

**Ash: You mean the hotel closest to this courtroom?**

**Harley: Yes.**

**Phoenix: We were in there too.**

**Judge: Sounds interesting.**

**Ash: What room you were in?**

**Harley: Room 13 on the first floor.**

**Judge: Tell us what room you were in Defense.**

**Ash: Phoenix and I were in room 30 on the second floor.**

**Judge: Okay enough with that. Any more questions on this case Mr. Ketchum?**

**Ash: Witness what did you do at the party before the crime?**

**Harley: I was just having my food. I was surprised that Officer Jenny came to the party.**

**Ash: No more questions your honor. Sorry Phoenix.**

**Phoenix: I guess Misty is our last hope, If she found evidence.**

Subarashii: …Raven, I'm scared. This is getting so boring that I can't think of anything funny to say. I think this is actually draining away my humour…

Raven: It's going to be fine! If we just rush through this as fast as possible, we'll get through this with our snarky attitudes still intact!

Subarashii: I seriously hope so…

**Judge: It's time for your cross examine Mr. Gavin.**

**Klavier: Witness was May mad at you a lot?**

**Harley: Yeah. In fact I played a recording of May's child life story from his brother. After May was so mad she did say, "Max I will kill you!"**

Raven: Uh, wouldn't she be getting mad at Harley in that situation? Considering he's the one who played the recording? Does anyone notice the obvious bias here at all?

**Klavier: Was she in total rage?**

**Harley: Yep. Enough to do a violent attack. So it's clear that May did cause violence.**

**Klavier: (Playing a air guitar) Yes. This trial victory is as good as mine. Your loss is avenged Edgeworth.**

Subarashii: "Because one witness's account that contradicts everything up to this point is enough to turn this whole case around!"

**Judge: That's a good reason to be violent.**

Subarashii: …me and my big mouth.

Raven: Remember, this is in-character for him.

**Any objections Defense?**

**Ash: (Thinking) What can I do?**

**Phoenix: (Thinking) This can't be happening, I going lose a trial to Gavin.**

**Klavier: (Still playing a air guitar) The Prosecution rest this case. I don't think the Defense can object.**

**Judge: Then I shall call my ver...**

**Te Judge was interrupted by a girls voice.**

**Voice: Hold it!**

**Everybody looked to see who it was. Truly is was Misty.**

Raven: *monotone* Yay.

**Ash: Misty is here!**

**Misty: Am I too late?**

**Ash: No. You made just in time.**

**Judge: What going on here?**

**Misty: Sorry for the interruption your honor, but I have something that proves May is innocent.**

**Klavier: Objection! Your honor she can't interfere with this trial! Besides the Defense have no more witnesses! I request that you tell the security to take this intruder out of here.**

Raven: Oh Klavier, don't you know how this works? Anyone who bursts into the courtroom and claims to have evidence pertaining to the case is instantly taken seriously and given the chance to speak! It's almost like this person is completely unfamiliar with the game series he's writing a fic about!

Subarashii: The nail's head. You just hit it.

**Misty: I'm not a intruder!**

**Judge: (Hitting his desk with his gavel three times) Order Order I must have Order! Both Objection and request denied. I'm letting her tell us what she knows.**

**Klavier: No. Don't do it!**

**Judge: I'm the Judge! What I say goes in this courtroom!**

**Klavier: Drat. I gotta think of a good Objection.**

**Judge : Now young lady. Before you show us your evidences state your name and occupation.**

**Misty: I'm Misty Waterflower from Cerulean City. I am a Water Pokemon trainer, the Cerulean City Gym Leader and May's friend.**

Subarashii: Is Waterflower her actual last name?

Raven: I think it is, believe it or not.

Subarashii: …still a stupid name.

**Klavier: Objection! If your the Gym Leader, then why are you not at the Gym?**

**Judge: The girl haven't shown us what she has yet. Objection denied. Show us what you have Miss. Waterflower.**

**Misty: I was at the party too. I don't May did it. So while the Prosecution's second witness was here I went back to the Mansion and found this at the crime scene.**

**Klavier: But that's just a scrapbook.**

**Phoenix: What is she thinking?**

**Judge: Please explain how this scrapbook can prove May is innocent.**

**Harley: Obviously it can't.**

**Klavier: (Playing a air guitar) Ha! There's no way I can lose to a girl with a scrapbook..**

**Misty: ( Holding up the photo album) Look at the cover it has Harley's name on it.**

**Harley: That's mine. I thought for sure I had it with me, when I left the mansion. Can I have back now?**

**Judge: I guess so.**

Raven: I'm starting to wonder if the judge even cares about this case.

Subarashii: I can't really blame him if he doesn't.

**Ash: Objection! Your honor I believe Misty found something inside the scrapbook that proves May is innocent.**

**Misty: I did your honor.**

**Judge: Then you may open it.**

**Harley: But.**

**Phoenix: Remember what the Judge said about what goes.**

**Misty: (Opening the album) Look at this page. It's a picture of May with a skull and crossbones above it. A mark of hatred to me. Well Harley do have something to say?**

Raven: …remember the statement I made earlier that I said I'd regret?

Subarashii: Yeah?

Raven: I regret it.

**Harley: Do something Mr. Gavin!**

**Klavier: There's nothing I can do. I can just say that a nice drawing.**

**Judge: Answer the question Harley!**

**Harley: Nooooooooooooo!**

Subarashii: Well, at least they got the overly dramatic reactions right.

**Phoenix: Huh?**

**Harley: ( Thinking) I can't this is it. My names as a coordinator is gone for 5 years.**

**Klavier: Hey Harley. Are you okay!**

**Harley: Alright you win. I did attacked Drew. I did to frame May.**

**Ash: And it that?**

**Harley: Well there's another Pokemon contest coming up. I thought May and Drew out of the way, I would win the contest for sure. I would no problem defeating Dawn.**

**Ash: How would you know that?**

**Harley: May, Drew and I were in more contests than she was. We have more experiences then she does. That's what I heard.**

**Ash: You mean you still hate May?**

**Harley: Yes.**

**Misty: Why?**

**Harley: It all started when I first met Ash, Brock, May and Max on a boat heading to Izabe Island where another contest was taking place. I met her with Ash, Brock and Max. When I shown her my Cacurne she checked her Pokedex to learn about it. It offend me! I can't believe she didn't know about it! Then she said my Cacurne was scary. It offend me more. After I offer them homemade cookies, she said they were not half bad. I was offend again. That was the last straw! I wouldn't be so mad, if she knew about my Cacurne, she said it wasn't scary and said that my cookies were awesome instead.**

Subarashii: …that has got to be the stupidest reason to hate a person I have ever heard in my entire-

**A/N: Harley's story came the episode A Cacurne For The Worse.**

Subarashii: …_you mean to tell me that that shit's CANON_?

**Harley: And she beat me in every contest we both were in. Even in the grand festival in Hoenn and Kanto.**

**Phoenix: So you declined to violently attack Drew and frame May so they won't make to the nest contest and would have your revenge on May.**

**Harley: Yes.**

**Judge: Do you have any further Objections for all of this Mr. Gavin.**

**Klavier: No. I admit defeat.**

**Ash: The defense rest it's case your honor.**

**Judge: The here is my verdict. The court finds the defendant May NOT GUITY!**

Raven: *monotone* Yay.

**The people in the courtroom cheered.**

**Ash: Victory!**

**Misty smiled and looked at Ash.**

Raven: And then punched him in the face…please?

**Phoenix: Done.**

**Klavier: Harley just been handcuffed and been taken to Prison.**

**Judge: Court adjourned.**

**The Judge hit his desk with his gavel once.**

Subarashii: Oh thank God, that means this shit is finally over with, right?

Raven: Uh, there's still the epilogue. You know, what happens after every case in the series?

Subarashii: …FUUUUUUUUUUU-

**At the Hotel on the second floor.**

**May: I like to thank all of you for defending me.**

**Ash: Yeah.**

**Phoenix: No problem.**

**May: And thanks for finding the evidences to discover the truth Misty.**

**Misty: I was glad to help. Beside it was me who told Ash to help Phoenix defend you.**

**May: Really?**

**Ash: It was to return the favor.**

Subarashii: "Because it's not like we're friends or anything. You know, because friends are supposed to help each other out and stuff."

**Brock: Lunch is ready!**

**While having lunch they watched a news report on the TV.**

**Reporter: Top story. Pokemon Coordinator May was found not guilty for violent attack on fellow Coordinator Drew. The real attacker was Pokemon Coordinator Harley who was just taken to the Local Prison. Officer Jenny gave a 10 year sentence for the violent attack and framing someone else. We also learned that Drew is okay, but he is unable to make it to the contest. We will have a interview with Drew tonight.**

Raven: It's amazing how court cases involving ten-year-olds gets top billing on the news. Especially with multiple terrorist groups threatening the planet and all.

**May; I can't wait to see that.**

**On the first floor of the Hotel**

**Klavier: (With his cell phone) Sorry Miles Edgeworth. It was just.**

**Miles interrupted him.**

**Miles: (On the cell phone) I know. I saw the trail on TV. I'll forgive you on one condition.**

**Klavier Anything just name it.**

**Miles: Stay in the hotel for a while, and when I get back I'll tell you about my time in Jotho in the lobby.**

**Klavier: Deal.**

Subarashii: So what the hell was the point in the "deal" if he was just going to tell him anyway? And I still say he better have wrestled at least one bear, or it won't be worth it!

**At the hospital in Drew's room**

**Reporter: So Drew any comments on the trial?**

**Drew: I'm just glad that the truth has been revealed to the trial. I'm also happy that May was found innocent. And like to thanks Misty, Ash and Phoenix for saving May for a 5 year Jail sentence.**

**Reporter: How is your condition/**

**Drew: I'm okay. But it take some time for my arm to fully heal, so I won't be the make it to the contest.**

**Reporter: Are you mad about it?**

**Drew: I'm only mad at Harley for what he did to me and Framing May. I'm just sad for not being in the contest. I was looking forward on going against May again, and perhaps battle Dawn.**

**Reporter: Well that's the e...**

**Back at the Hotel in the girls room.**

**May turned off the TV.**

**May: Sorry, but I need some sleep to be ready for the contest.**

**Misty: The contest is in 2 days you both have time.**

**Dawn: Misty is right. We'll go to the Pokemon center tomorrow. No need to worry.**

**May: Yeah.**

Subarashii: …this is going to continue, isn't it?

Raven: Just hang in there, you big baby. We're almost done.

Subarashii: But mommy! I don't want to go to school today! I wanna stay home and bake cookies with you!

Raven: …that was a horrible movie and disrespectful to the most iconic cartoon characters ever, and you should feel ashamed of yourself for referencing it.

Subarashii: …you're right, now I feel like dirt.

Raven: Good.

**Two days later**

**Momoan: And the winner of of the Pokemon contest is May!**

Subarashii: What the hell kind of name is Momoan?

Raven: You really shouldn't talk about weird names. Ever.

**Max: She did it!**

**The crowd cheered**

**Dawn: Great battle May.**

**May: Thanks Dawn.**

**At sunset**

**Phoenix: That was a amazing battle.**

**May: Glad you liked it.**

**Phoenix: Sometimes I wish I was a Pokemon coordinator, being in these contests it's fun.**

Subarashii: Please don't give any other fanfic writers ideas…

**Ash: But not easy to win.**

**Phoenix: I know I know.**

**Brock: Are you sad that you lost Dawn?**

**Dawn: No. Why ask?**

**Brock: It was your chance to win your 5th ribbon.**

**Misty: And now you and May are tied with 4 ribbon.**

**Max: I wonder where Harley's Pokemon and ribbons are.**

**Just then they a familiar voice behind them.**

Subarashii: Cyrus, about to unleash Giratina on their sorry asses?

Raven: Cynthia, to tell them how much they all suck, especially when compared to her?

**Voice: That doesn't matter he might get used to be in Prison.**

**May: Drew!**

**Drew: Hey guys.**

Both: Dammit!

**Ash: How are you feeling?**

**Drew: Much better. My woulds healed faster than the doctors thought.**

Raven: Oh, that dreaded plot convenience strikes again!

**Phoenix: When did you leave the Hospital?**

**Drew: 30 minutes after the contest ended.**

**Dawn: Glad to see that you're okay.**

**Drew: So am I. And May this is for you.**

**Drew gave May a rose.**

**May: Thanks.**

Subarashii: Wow, what a touching and wonderful romance those two have! You can just feel the love coming off of the screen, can't you?

**Drew: Well I should be going now.**

**Dawn: Where?**

**Drew: Don't know. But I know that we will meet again.**

**Drew walks off.**

**May: Bye!**

Raven: "Thank you for contributing nothing to this story!"

**The next day**

**Misty: So where are going from here Phoenix?**

**Phoenix: To Kanto I going to tell your families that you're fine.**

**Ash: You don't have to.**

**Brock: I sure they watched the trial.**

**Phoenix: Then I just tell them that you said hi.**

**Misty: Great.**

Raven: "Nice of you to do something not even remotely creepy or stalkerish!"

**Phoenix board a plane and it flew off, while Ash and co. waved goodbye.**

**Ash: Now let's go to the Sinnoh League.**

**Brock: The Sinnoh League is in 5 weeks.**

**Misty: You still have a lot of time to train your Pokemon.**

**Narrator: Now that May is out of Prison and their friend left our heroes head out to their adventure.**

Subarashii: "Narrator"? You mean that guy that pops up in every episode and talks for no reason?

Raven: Yep. I guess the writer felt that it wouldn't be the same without him.

Subarashii: Swell.

**Wait. What happen to Team Rocket?**

Subarashii: …NO! For the love of God, NO! Leave them alone! You already ruined everyone else's characters, leave the comedy relief alone! Please!

**Somewhere in the mountains**

**Jessie: We made it.**

**James: Finally.**

**Meowth: Now let's get dat Pikachu.**

**Jessie: Something wrong. I don't see them.**

**James: They left here Jessie.**

**Meowth: Wat? No it can't be!**

**Team Rocket: Looks like Team Rocket mess things up again.**

Subarashii: …I hate you. So much.

**The End**

Subarashii: Hate you.

/

The captain sighed, rubbing his temples as the lights came on. He turned to look at the two poor kids forced to see the same things he saw.

"So, just how bad was-" he began to ask, but stopped when he saw a sight that immediately cheered him up.

As it turns out, partway through the story, Crona had fallen asleep, and was now resting his head on Raven's shoulder, who had a hand over her face, clearly trying to mask her embarrassment. The captain did the same to his face, only he was trying as hard as possible to not burst out laughing.

Raven gave him what could only be described as a 'death glare'. "Not. One. Word." she threatened.

The captain simply shook his head, trying to calm himself down. It took him about five minutes (he did give a few muffled snerks, which seemed to only anger Raven further) before he was able to remove his hands from his face. And even then, he still had a bit of a grin.

"Well…" he finally said. "I was starting to wonder why he'd gotten so quiet."

Raven sighed, giving Crona a gentle nudge. "Crona, come on, wake up. It's time to go."

Crona awoke with a slight murmur, sitting up straight and rubbing his eyes. "Is it over already…?"

The captain leaned over to Crona, grinning all the while. "Sleep well, sunshine?"

Crona blinked, quickly looking down as a blush covered his face. "S-S-Sorry, you guys…I couldn't help it, I was too-"

"Bored?" the captain offered.

"Um…yes…" Crona replied sheepishly.

The captain chuckled in response, before finally bursting out into full laughter that he'd been holding back for a while now. Raven sighed angrily, looking at the screen.

"So, in case you folks at home couldn't tell, this fic was _boring_. Yes, the characters were wrong, there were plenty of spelling errors, and the plot was incredibly weak, but the delivery was what hurt this fic the most. The format eliminated any and all drama, taking the reader out of the story and leaving them to wonder why they even bothered."

The captain stopped at this point, wiping a tear away before looking at the screen. "Not only that, but the focus of this was all wrong. For some dumb reason, they felt the need to describe all the unnecessary information in agonizingly precise detail, while leaving the more important stuff without answers. Then again, that's not all that surprising in a bad fanfic. But still, it only made the story even more boring."

He then turned to the other two. "Now that I think about it, that was probably what the letter was referring to."

Raven frowned, turning to the captain. "You mean the "deeper problem" that we'd have a hard time finding humour in?"

"That's the one."

Crona gave a loud yawn, stretching involuntarily while doing so. The captain grinned while turning back to the screen. "And if that's not proof positive of how boring this is, I don't know what will convince you, ladies and gentlemen."

The captain got to his feet and started heading up the stairs. "Well, I'm done for today. See you guys next time."

He ascended to the top of the stairs, but stopped in front of the door, turning around and looking back at the two.

"Oh, fair warning you two!" he shouted at them. "You're probably going to run into some fangirls next time, so keep your guards up, and be ready to run like hell!"

Raven turned her head, glaring at him. "Oh, great, thanks Subarashii! By all means, stir the pot some more! Maybe you can get the crack shippers after us too!"

The captain winced at that. "Oooh, good point. Sorry about that!"

He opened the door, gave the two an "Adios, kiddies!", and headed out, the door falling shut behind him.

Raven looked over at Crona, who was still rubbing his eyes a bit. Her thoughts wandered back to their earlier conversation, and she found herself wondering what to do next.

Before she could even formulate a plan, her hands had found Crona's shoulders, causing him to turn his head to look at her.

"Crona, I want you to listen to me very carefully, alright?" she asked him.

Crona blinked in confusion, but gave a very slight nod anyway.

"Crona, you are not crazy. I don't know who implanted that thought into your head or why, but it isn't true. No, I may not know you that well yet, but I know what crazy is. I've seen it firsthand, and you are not it. You may be timid, or quiet, or shy, or whatever, but that does not make you crazy. It just makes you different than what people expect, and that is not bad. In fact, it might be better than people are willing to say. So please, no more of this "crazy talk", alright?"

Crona stared at Raven, that now-familiar look of surprise back on his face. After a few long moments of silence, his head lowered slightly, obscuring his face. He then gave Raven a silent nod.

"Good." Raven replied. She got to her feet, grabbing her books from the other seat. "I'll see you next time, Crona."

As she passed by Crona and headed for the stairs, she wondered if she was too forceful with him. She also noted the irony in her speech to him, but very quickly pushed those thoughts out of her mind. The last thing she needed was another emotion spike causing serious damage to anything close to her.

"R-Raven…?"

Raven stopped, turning back to look at Crona, who was still looking down at his feet.

"Th…thank you…"

Raven gave a small smile and nodded in reply. "You're welcome, Crona."

She ascended the stairs and headed out the door, hoping that she had done some good today.

Crona looked up at the screen, wiping the tears out of his eyes that he made sure Raven didn't see. A part of him still wondered why she had even said anything at all. What did she have to gain from helping him like this?

He then thought about the question that had been plaguing him since the last session: Was he really crazy?

He didn't know the answer, and a part of him wondered if he ever would. But now, now he was filled with a very strange urge.

The urge to prove Raven right.

/

First off, I'd like to sincerely apologize for the length of this chapter. I didn't help matters, but you can blame the original author for writing his entire story in script format for that.

Second, I'd like to ask for something else of you guys: fanmail. If you have a question for one of the three characters, say it in your review and I'll have them answer it in the next chapter.

Be seeing you guys soon!


	7. Story 4: To Dream of Jeans

OK then! Thanks for the questions, you guys! Hopefully this little idea of mine will work out.

Like last time, today's fic comes recommended by zorua. Agree or disagree, it was all his idea. Not mine. Even though I could've just as easily said no. So I'm completely absolved of blame. Seriously.

Onward!

/

The captain stood in front of the twin doors, humming a tune to himself. He had arrived at his usual late hour, and was now waiting for the perfect moment. After all, any pirate worth his salt had to make a good entrance.

He pulled out his gold pocket watch and checked the time. Yes, enough time had passed.

The captain took a couple of steps back, lifted his foot, and gave the doors a sharp kick.

_WHAM!_

A couple of seconds of waiting for dramatic effect, and he then stepped forward into the theater.

"Yoho!" he called, knowing the other two would hear him.

He grinned as he heard an audible groan come from Raven, who turned to look at him. "Are you going to do that every time?"

He chuckled as he reached the front row. "I just wouldn't be me if I didn't."

Raven sighed as the captain stood in front of them, smile plastered on his face.

"So, you two make it here OK?"

Crona blinked, confused at the question, while Raven glared at the captain.

"Subarashii, don't start that again…" she warned.

"Aw, come on! Don't act like you didn't run into at least one fangirl! Especially after what happened last time…"

Crona's face blushed, clearly having learned of just what he'd done. His eyes looked downward, and as the captain followed his gaze, he noticed a couple of letters in Crona's lap. He looked at Raven and noticed that she had a few herself.

"Aha! You see? One cute little moment between the two of you and you already have fanmail! Now if Raven falls asleep on your shoulder, Crona, I'm positive your respective popularities will double!"

He wondered just how much redder Crona's face could get, as he meekly raised a finger at pointed at the captain's seat. "Th-There's some for you, too…"

The captain looked at his seat and noticed that there were a couple of letters on it, just begging to be ripped open. He walked over to his seat and picked them up.

"Of course I got fanmail! A handsome devil like me _not_ getting fanmail would be a travesty of epic proportions!"

Raven glared at him. "Nice to know that you're satisfied with drawing the lonely housewife demographic, Subarashii."

That managed to shut the captain up…for all of ten seconds. He flopped into his seat, smile gone.

"Man, you're just like the man, man. Always riding me, trying to keep a free spirit like me down. Quit harshing my buzz, maaaaaaan…"

Raven stared at the captain incredulously. "…don't ever do that again."

The captain responded by blowing a raspberry at her. (which Crona got the worst of) He then grinned again, shuffling his letters like a deck of cards.

"Well? Ladies first."

Raven gave him another glare before grabbing one of her letters and ripping it open.

_raven_

_1 is there anything going on between you and beastboy_

_2 follow up to number 1 if there is something going on between you two is he into anything kinky?(nudge nudge wink wink)_

Raven stared at the letter for a few moments, hands shaking slightly. After a few moments of what Crona easily identified as "silent rage", Raven slowly ripped the letter to pieces, dropping the shreds on the floor in front of her.

"Crona?"

Crona jumped slightly. "Y-Yes Raven?"

"Didn't I say last time that I was single?"

"You did…"

"And didn't I also say that I planned on staying that way for the foreseeable future?"

"In a sense, yes…"

"And is it really any of this person's business anyway?"

"Not really…"

Raven glared at the big screen, eyes glowing black and white.

"_Does that answer your question_?"

It took Raven a little while longer to properly calm down. Once she had done so (which wasn't easy, considering how often she was asked questions similar to that one), she opened the next letter to find a nice long list of questions.

_When's the last time you ran?_

"Well, there was that last fight with Dr. Light about a few days ago…"

Subarashii raised an eyebrow. "You needed to run away from a guy named "Dr. Light"?"

"Away? I was running towards him."

The other two looked at Raven in silent confusion.

"It was for the sake of drama." she explained. "We have…history."

_How do you eat oreos?_

"With my mouth. How else would I eat them?"

_What's the last thing you purchased?_

"A copy of _The Lovely Bones_. I'd been meaning to get my hands on it for a while now."

_Is anyone on your bad side now?_

"At this precise moment in time? Whoever sent me that last letter."

_What are you doing tomorrow?_

"If I'm lucky, I'll be curled up in my room with a few books. If not, probably beating up some supervillain who hasn't caught on to the fact that my home city has superheroes living in it."

She then paused, closing her eyes in thought.

"Summer just started, so it'll probably be Mad Mod, trying to keep kids in school or something equally stupid."

Crona blinked. "You can predict when your enemies are going to attack?"

"Considering how many we have, we kind of have to keep a vague schedule as to when they might show up. We've almost got it down to a science."

_Do you have a dishwasher?_

"With all the dishes we go through in just a day? We'd be crazy not to."

_What do you do when you're sad?_

"I don't do sad."

There was a long pause as Raven noticed the other two giving her looks of disbelief (though Subarashii's was much more blatant than Crona's). She sighed and continued.

"But, on the off chance I'm feeling a little down, I usually just meditate for a little bit, and then pour myself a cup of tea."

The captain leaned back, grinning. "Well, aren't we Little Miss Zen?"

This earned him a missing hat, as Raven simply pointed at his head, encircling the hat with her black energy and throwing it behind him. He quickly scrambled behind his seat and grabbed it, placing it back on his head and getting back in his seat.

"What have I said about touching the hat?" he shouted.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't aware your ego as a pirate captain was so fragile that you need to wear your captain's hat at all times." she replied with a slight smirk.

This was enough for the captain to stand in his seat, pointing an accusing finger at Raven.

"Dangerous ground! You be treading on it!"

Crona quickly realized that a fight was bound to start any second now, so he quickly grabbed one of his letters and ripped it open. This drew the others' attention as he read.

_crona_

_1what was that poem you wrote about?_

Crona blinked, then blushed slightly. "Um…s-sorry, but after what happened the last time someone saw it…"

He then reached into his robe, pulling out a paper and unfolding it. He held it up so that it could be easily seen, before turning it to him, clearing his throat and reading.

"I, Crona Makenshi, do hereby agree to never speak of the contents of what shall be henceforth referred to as "The Poem of Severe Depression and Sorrow™", in order to prevent wide-spread, incurable emo-ness and corner-hiding. I shall also never show said poem to anyone ever again, unless suitable help is nearby and the subject simply doesn't know any better."

Crona then turned the paper to the screen again, pointing at the bottom to indicate a rather messy signature that was supposedly his. He then folded up the paper and placed in back in his robe, before picking up the letter again.

_2does it hurt when you have ragnrock come out of your back_

"Well…er…it's kind of hard to explain…"

The now-familiar distinctive _splortch_ echoed through the room as Ragnarok came out, leaning over Crona's head.

"Here's how it is: You know how when a fat guy is walking around all day in the middle of summer, and when he gets home, there's sweat running down his back? It's kinda like that."

"…th-that doesn't make a lot of sense, Ragnarok…"

"Shut the fuck up! I don't see you coming up with any explanations? And shouldn't you know? It's happening to you!"

"W-Well, I don't know who else would have someone living in their back, so I don't know what to compare it to-"

"What kind of bullshit excuse is that? Use your fucking brain for once in your life!"

Crona simply opened the next letter as Ragnarok continued to ramble on about how worthless Crona was.

_Do you eat raw cookie dough?_

"Funnily enough, I actually tried some earlier today. I didn't really like it, though."

_Do you wear your shoes your house/room/cell?_

"Well…yeah. Why wouldn't I?"

Raven blinked. "Wait, why would they say "cell"?"

"Um…long story."

_Who would you call first if you won the lottery?_

"Lottery? Oh, that thing where you win a bunch of money? Maka, I guess."

_Last time you saw your best friend?_

"This morning, during the cookie dough event I already mentioned."

Subarashi grinned slightly. "So you and this friend of yours got together to make cookies?"

"Well, yeah…I also learned that I probably shouldn't go near an oven for a while…"

"That bad, huh?"

"Why else would we have leftover cookie dough?"

_If all of your friends were going on a road trip, who would most likely over pack?_

"Hmm…well, Maka would want to be prepared, so maybe her…but then again, Kid would want a symmetrically packed case…yeah, Kid."

_Do you like sushi?_

"That raw fish stuff? I actually never had it."

Ragnarok snorted. "Bleh, it tasted like shit. I don't know how anyone can enjoy that garbage."

Raven frowned as she looked at Ragnarok. _Is that why Crona's so thin? Hmph, pig._

Ragnarok blinked, noticing Raven's glare. "Hey! What're you giving me the stink-eye for, bitch? You wanna die?"

The captain snorted as he picked up one of his letters. "Maybe she just noticed that you're one of the ugliest things in existence."

Ragnarok swiveled around to try and grab the captain, who was just out of his reach. "Why you miserable little shit! Come here, I'll eat your fucking eyeballs like bonbons!"

The captain grinned as he opened the letter. "Tempting offer, but no thanks."

_subarati(sorry if i butchered your name)_

"You did, but I won't hold it against you. Unless we meet, then you better get on your knees and start begging for mercy."

_1 did one of the stories i sent in really bore you that much?_

"I don't know. I don't recall reading anything of yours, whoever you are. If I did, then yeah, probably bored me to tears."

_2 man carrot... not a question just want to see your reaction_

"…kindly go fuck yourself with a rusty shovel."

_3 follow up to #1 if my last one bore you maybe if i'm lucky one of the future ones will be the other one i found and it involves... well lets just say maximum ride does that excite you?_

"…Maximum Ride? Isn't that that novel series about the genetically engineered bird-people?"

Raven nodded. "That'd be it."

The captain shrugged as he tossed the letter aside and opened the other one. "Eh, it got a bit too preachy for me later on. Not really my cup of tea."

_You don't speak like your typical, stereotyped pirate. I have yet to hear you say "Arrg" once. Are you educated, or just a rebel?_

"Of course I'm educated! I'm the most edu-ma-cated motherfucker you'll ever see! More importantly, who are _you_ to question my pirateness just because I don't say "Arr" like a douche? I say "Yoho" every day! Is that not good enough for you? Do I have to make someone walk my space plank? Will that satisfy you? Do you really think I'm just one of those slobbering, drunken idiots that pillage a town or two and call themselves pirates?"

Raven raised an eyebrow. "Do you really want an answer to that question?"

"I was asking them, not you!"

_Have you ever kicked a vending machine?_

"Of course I have! It's part of my morning routine!"

Raven frowned. "…do I even want to know?"

"Considering you're a party pooper, no, probably not."

_Who or what sleeps with you?_

"Whoa, whoa, hey! That's personal! Not only that, but I can't tell you, on account of there being minors present."

Raven growled. "Oh, like that would stop you."

_Are you wearing jewelry?_

"I'm sorry, I must've given you the impression that I'm gender-confused. I'm a _man_. So, no. Duh."

_Would you wear girl clothes for money?_

"Pssh, if I was that desperate for money, I'd just steal it."

_Would you survive in prison?_

"You kidding? If, and that's a big _if_, I ever got put in prison, I'd be running the place by the end of the week!"

_Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep at night?_

"…it's nice that you're concerned for my well-being, but that's a very weird question. And for the record, yes, I did."

The captain tossed the letter aside, getting to his feet and walking to the table where another envelope lay waiting. "Alrighty, time for the main course."

He grabbed the letter and opened it, the other two present getting up and walking over to read it with him.

_Today's fic shouldn't be too difficult for you. There really isn't much wrong with it, outside of one rather large problem._

_It's a Maximum Ride fanfic called Teenage Dream. Shouldn't take too much of your time._

_Enjoy._

The captain raised an eyebrow, reading over the contents of the letter again silently. He then placed it back on the table and turned to the others.

"…one of the questions I was asked involved Maximum Ride, and now we're reviewing a Maximum Ride fic…do you guys realize what this means?"

Crona tilted his head. "Um…that the one who sent you the letter is the one asking us to do all this…?"

The captain sighed as he returned to his seat.

"No, Crona, it means that whoever is asking us to do this is getting other people to find stories for him. That's just making us and him look bad. How unoriginal can you get?"

(Somewhere, an author cries. Whether they're tears of laughter or sorrow is known only to him.)

The others get to their seats as well as the story begins.

/

**This is a creepy story Lezlea came up with it in the library at school. The creeper.**

Raven: And yet you wrote it anyway. Wonder what that says about you?

**Its just gonna be a one-shot… Unless I'm begged otherwise :D**

Subarashii: Not a chance.

**Max Pov:**

Raven: This should be interesting.

Crona: To see how well the author can get into a character's head?

Subarashii: No, to see how badly they screw that idea up.

**We had been going to school for a few years now. Fang, Iggy, and I were juniors, Nudge was a freshman, ****(I think), ****and Gazzy was in eighth grade. Angel was in sixth.**

Raven: …I was under the impression that they were all younger than that.

Subarashii: I forget, was there a timeskip or something in the books?

Raven: Not to my knowledge.

Crona: Author's fault, then?

Raven: Sounds about right.

**This year, though, was and has been the worst. Guess who showed up.**

Subarashii: Bruce Campbell? Please? Pretty please?

**If you think it was Sam The-possible-eraser-traitor-freak, you're close, but wrong.**

Subarashii: That doesn't sound like anything even remotely close to Bruce Campbell.

**The Red Haired Wonder-bra, Lissa. My life sucks.**

Crona: Who was that again?

Raven: The annoying antagonist who tried to get with Max's love interest. Despite a noticeable age difference.

**Fortunately though, Fang brushed her off like a fleck of dust in his stupidly perfect hair, and turned to kiss **_**moi**_**. Right in front of her scarlet tinged head, which, that at the moment, matched her face.**

**Yeah that's right, I'm just that awesome.**

Subarashii: Sheesh, if Max was any more catty she'd be coughing up hairballs.

Crona: …I thought they were bird-people?

Subarashii: Crona, someone really needs to sit you down and have a long talk.

**In the meantime, Gazzy and Nudge were debating the use of a spherical box. I swear, the things they teach us kids these days aren't really necessary.**

Raven: Oh, that didn't sound like a hamfisted remark at today's school system at all.

**"Gazzy, you obviously can't put a bowling ball in a round box and expect to carry it through a store without drawing attention. And why would you take a bowling ball to a supermarket? The box's use is much better for carrying around makeup and hair accessories."**

Crona: …I think my brain actually shrunk a bit after reading that. And I debated with Ragnarok for about a half hour about toilets.

Raven: …do I want to know why?

Crona: No, not really…

**Nudge popped out a curvaceous hip and rested her hand on it. A daring smirk rested on her lips. Lips which I know have been kissed by many, many, more guys than I hope to find out about.**

Subarashii: I'm starting to notice a lot of sexual overtones in this story.

Raven: Wow, really? It almost seems like this is a romance fic!

Subarashii: Yeah, exact-…oh, shut up.

**Lips I also know Gazzy has claimed before. I shuddered at the thought of my flock growing up.**

Raven: Taking into consideration the overtones and the rating for this story, I'm shuddering at the thought of where this is going.

**It seemed like yesterday, Angel was a tiny little baby wearing diapers, and Gazzy was just an innocent blue eyed toddler. Well, I guess just as innocent as a pyromaniac-in-training could be.**

Crona: And I thought I had it bad…no, wait, I still did.

**Speaking of pyromaniacs, Iggy had won science fair after science fair by just altering one tiny fixture on the same bomb. He had his blind eyes set on becoming a world famous military weaponry creator or something like that.**

Subarashii: What better way to move towards world domination?

**He also had his eyes set on Ella.**

Raven: What, is everyone paired off in this fic?

Crona: What about Angel?

Raven: …I really, _really_ hope everyone isn't paired off in this fic.

**I ground my teeth together, trying to block images of Iggy and Ella making out on the couch.**

Subarashii: Way ahead of you, kiddo.

**I knew it was pointless. I set my pencil down and rested my chin on my hands, listening to my growing flock squabble. Fang and Iggy were in the kitchen, probably fighting over the last Pepsi. Nudge and Gazzy had gone from yelling at each other and arguing to a hot-and-heavy make-out session.**

Raven: What, is it 3 o'clock already?

**I groaned. "Hey you two! Get a room!"**

Subarashii: Don't give them ideas, you idiot!

**Nudge pulled her lips from Gazzy, only to smile and wink at me, then pull him out of the room, reattaching her lips as she went. I didn't need a crystal ball to know what that would lead to.**

Raven: And we didn't need to hear that.

**Fang sat beside me moments later, his shirt wet with what smelled like Coke. Ah.**

Crona: That's a weird perfume to wear…

Subarashii: Cologne.

Crona: Eh?

Raven: Women wear perfume. Men wear cologne.

Crona: …what's the difference?

Others: …

**"Iggy did that." He murmured into my ear.**

Crona: He sprayed you with Coke-smelling cologne?

**His arms began to wind around me, tucking me protectively into his side. I smiled and twined a piece of blonde-brown hair between my fingers.**

Crona: …do couples normally do that?

Raven: I would think so…why?

Crona: *blushes slightly* No reason…

**"Alright, move over lovebirds." Ella wedged herself into my chair, efficiently pushing me into Fang's. She turned her head slightly to wink at me. I rolled my eyes.**

Subarashii: I can't be the only one who finds it a bit hypocritical that she complains about everyone else being in a relationship when she's clearly in one. In fact, I'm pretty sure hers is the only canonical one.

Crona: Maybe she's complaining because of the non-canonicity?

Subarashii: …holy shit, you may be on to something there.

**Fang lifted me up to sit on his lap. He rested his chin on my shoulder. I flipped my hair off my neck, knowing exactly what he wanted.**

Subarashii: A brand new car? A pony? A billion dollars? Immortality?

**I felt his smile as his lips made small, warm circles on my neck.**

Raven: You have to give the author credit, she is good at writing scenes of intimacy.

**I felt Ella's foot slid around to the back of the chair. I froze.**

Subarashii: …this has the potential to get very weird…

**"Don't. You. Dare." I growled at her. She merely smirked at me before jerking her foot backwards, dumping me and Fang onto the floor.**

Subarashii: Oh, never mind.

Raven: …I don't want to know.

**I landed on Fang with an **_**Umph**_**. He puffed out air, as I twisted onto my stomach, my hands resting on his chest.**

Crona: They can't have landed like that by accident…

**Have I ever mentioned how toned his body was?**

Raven: No, and you don't need to start now.

**My fingers traced little patterns on the dark material, feeling his muscles tighten as my hands danced across.**

Subarashii: Bow-chicka-wow-wow.

Raven: You have a problem with all the other couples, but this one is fine?

Subarashii: a) this is canon, and b) they're the oldest of the group, so it's not Squicky.

*TVTropes references: 13*

**His breathing had softened, and I realized I was straddling him, practically feeling him up, while grinning like the idiot I am.**

Crona: *wipes his nose*

Subarashii: Oh, you teenagers and your hormones.

**"I like you in this position," He said softly.**

**I rolled my eyes, "Don't be a perv."**

Raven: Oh, look, there's that hypocrisy again.

**He laughed under me, and I stood up, refusing to be affected by the music in his slaughter.**

All: …huh?

**Wait.**

**What?**

**I did not say that.**

Subarashii: Uh, yes, you did, and it made no goddamn sense!

**Fang hauled himself up after me and rested his hand on my shoulder and let it slip down to my hand. I saw his eyes brighten as his fingertips brushed the sides of my breasts.**

Crona: *wipes his nose again*

Raven: You OK, Crona?

Crona: Yes, I'm fine! Nothing wrong here!

Subarashii: Hormones. How much damage has thee caused?

**I blushed, he smirked. Fang pulled me to him again and whispered, "See you later, Maxi." He dashed away faster than my pencil could follow.**

Raven: If my boyfriend gave me that nickname, I'd do a lot more than just throw a pencil at him.

**I turned around to face Ella. Her face was bright pink, and she had tears in her eyes, because she was biting her lip to keep from laughing.**

Subarashii: Probably because of that stupid nickname.

**"Go ahead." I sighed. She burst out laughing, gripping her sides, and letting tears roll down her face.**

Subarashii: …it wasn't _that_ funny.

**Iggy finally slid into the room. His white shirt had been stained in a diagonal line. I had a feeling it was Coke.**

Crona: Why is he wearing the Coke cologne too? And why is it _on_ his shirt? I thought the idea was for it to go on your body, so it didn't stain your clothes?

Raven: You're really reaching for a running gag, aren't you?

Crona: I'm starting to think that that in and of itself is my running gag.

Subarashii: Dude, that's so meta.

**"Babe? What is on your shirt?" Ella had given up laughter to stare suspiciously at her boyfriend's shirt. Iggy's hand flew down to his shirt. His fingertips brushed it lightly. Iggy grimaced when he brushed the soda stain.**

Crona: You mean cologne.

Subarashii: OK, you can stop now.

**"Fang." He replied, somewhat causally, but annoyance boiled in his voice. I giggled this time, and hurried to defend myself at Ella's outraged look.**

Raven: Hypocrisy abound in this one.

**"Hey! Fang had it on his shirt too!" I said putting my hands up in front of my chest. Ella's expression went from annoyed to amused in seconds.**

**Oh no.**

Subarashii: *high-pitched voice* Ohhhhhhh yeeeeeeeeeeeees!

Raven: …no one who reads fanfics is going to get that joke.

Subarashii: Hey, you got it.

Raven: For the same reason you came up with it!

Subarashii: Details, details.

**"Wouldn't you know."**

**I narrowed my eyes at my sister. "Yes, yes I would."**

Crona: …yeah, she just implied that…this isn't making a lot of sense.

Subarashii: Seriously, _long talk_.

**"You were all over him, and anyone could tell he was getting horny." She purred. "I think **_**Maxi**_** is going to have some fun tonight."**

Subarashii: Oh, there is just so much wrong with that last bit…

**My face turned blood red. "And what would make you think that?" I snapped.**

**"Oh, Max, Max, Max. You just wait. It's a relief when all that **_**sexual tension**_** is released."**

Raven: I think we've gone past "sexual overtones" and into "sex is the only thing on these people's minds".

**She was teasing me now. I refused to take the bait. "Trust me, Iggy and I," She ran her tan fingers down his throat, making him gulp, "We've had lots of fun…" She giggled and tugged him out of the room to avoid my rapidly approaching outrage.**

Subarashii: Good God, how much more blatant can you get?

**I groaned again. American teenagers these days are so… active.**

Subarashii: Oh, that's how much.

Crona: That sounded an awful lot like the author more than the character…

_**I'll say. You don't have to listen to them. **_**Angel chimed in.**

Raven: Dammit, stop trying to corrupt innocent children, writer!

_**Angel. Get out of my head, and please, try and stay out of Ella and Iggy's. And Nudge and Gazzy.**_** I added, knowing she would anyway.**

Raven: "And while you're out of it, stay out of the heads of everyone above 13. Because apparently all they think about is sex."

_**Okay… But you might want to know, Fang's thinking about you.**_

_**In what way?**_

_**I can't tell you. I have to get out of your head. Bye!**_

_**Angel!**_** I dropped my head to the table. Ugh.**

Crona: I forget, how can Angel read minds?

Subarashii: That was kind of her thing. Developing whatever powers the plot demanded.

Crona: So…she was like a Mary Sue?

Subarashii: …OH FUCK!

**I started back at my homework. So difficult.**

Raven: Oh cry me a river, you big environment-saving baby.

**After an hour or so, I felt tired. I just needed to lay down my head. Just for a little while…**

Subarashii: Cue obvious segueway…

**I woke to the back door shutting. I looked at the clock, and saw it was around four. Huh. I had only napped for an hour.**

Crona: How convenient…I think.

Raven: Probably.

**"Mom?" I called, hoping she had brought home dinner, or at least a pizza. I was starving.**

Subarashii: Well that would be a nice idea. Sadly, that's incredibly boring, so not a chance in hell, kid.

**"Try again." A flirty girly voice said from the kitchen. Lissa walked in, wearing a ridiculously short black skirt and a tight pink spaghetti-strap tank-top. Her slutty red bra was plainly visible.**

Crona: *screams* It's Atlantiana! She's back! I don't know how to deal with this!

Raven: Crona! Relax! It's just a canonical slut!

Subarashii: See what bad fanfics can do, people? Crona's probably traumatized for life because of one bad Mary Sue! Learn from this!

**To a guy, she might have been a turn on. To me, she was just a dumb whore.**

Crona: She's going to deny it…she's going to have sex with every man in sight and she's going to deny being a whore…

Raven: Crona, seriously, it's not Atlantiana!

**"So, Max. What's going on?" She smiled and sat on the edge of the table. She pushed her boobs together to make them prominent.**

Subarashii: …both my "non-canon" and "lesbian" senses are starting to tingle…

**I scooted to the very edge of my chair. "Nothing. And if you're looking for Nick-," She cut me off.**

**"No, no. Silly, I only wanted you. Straight from the beginning." Her voice had dropped to a seductive whisper, except seduction meant tantalizing not raspy and low.**

Subarashii: …yeahbuthuh?

**"Really?" I responded. I began to realize I had no control over my voice, so I started panicking. She lay down on the table and crossed her ankles. Her red hair tumbled forward, as she did.**

All: …

Subarashii: Hi, we're the viewers? Do you have a map or something so we can figure out where the _fuck_ we just went?

**"Oh yes. You were the hottest girl I've ever seen." She sat up and jumped off the table. Lissa began walking toward me, running her hand along the table.**

Subarashii: …then again, this might not be so bad…

Raven: Dammit Subarashii, focus!

**I turned my chair toward her. She stopped, smiled, and bent over to take off her shoes. She turned around, giving me full view of a red thong.**

**I was now utterly freaked out. That's when I realized I was dreaming, and I couldn't wake up.**

Raven: I'm pretty sure dreaming about lesbian sex is highly out of character for Max.

Crona: To say the least…

**SEX SCENE OMITTED FOR THE SAKE OF SENSIBILITY**

Subarashii: …dude, _nice_.

Crona: *hands over face, blushing furiously*

Raven: *sighs* Men…

**"MAX!" I jolted up and looked at my sister. "It's freaking seven o'clock!"**

Subarashii: Awww! You tease!

**"Oh," I rasped. "Could you get me a glass of water?" She raised an eyebrow, but did it anyway.**

Subarashii: I take it her mouth's a bit dry after what she was considering-

Raven: If you even think of finishing that, I swear to everything considered holy and sacred, _you will have nightmares of what I do to you_!

Subarashii: …sheesh, no one can take a joke around here…

**When I had the glass, I chugged it. My head was pounding. "Ugh…"**

Raven: Alcohol. Somewhere along the line alcohol was involved.

Subarashii: I didn't see much of a space to include that…

Raven: There is a logical explanation here somewhere!

**"Bad dream?" Fang asked. I hadn't noticed he was down here. "Or another brain attack?" He looked honestly concerned. He crossed his arms.**

Crona: …there it is.

Raven: Oh. Right. Forgot about that.

**"Dream." I sighed, rubbing my temples. He stood closer to me and rubbed in between my wings. I relaxed slightly.**

Subarashii: Wings? The fu-oh, right. They have those. I completely forgot because this had so little to do with the actual plot of the series.

**"What was it about?" Ella asked. She followed Iggy into the kitchen, probably starting dinner.**

Raven: "Oh, not much. Just me realizing that I'm gay. No big deal."

**"Oh, you know the school. Doctors, needles, cages. Erasers…" I said lightly. Fang narrowed his eyes in understanding. Ella poked her head out of the door way.**

Crona: Oh hey, there's some references to the plot. I guess that'll have to do…

**"Oh. Well. Just remember you're not there anymore. You get to have me instead.**

Subarashii: Hell of a trade-off.

**Iggy's head poked out next to her.**

**"Thank god for that." He smiled and wrapped his arms around her waist. Ella giggled, and they disappeared.**

Raven: And back to the constant sex. Nice to know these characters have such complex minds.

**Fang pulled me up against him and hugged me, and continued to rub my back. He kissed my hair. I hugged him back and moved my head to the crook of his neck.**

Crona: *starts rubbing nose with a tissue*

Subarashii: What, you're doing that now? And not earlier?

Crona: *mumbles something unintelligible*

**He slid his in my back pocket and froze. Pulling it out, he dangled a red thong in my face. He was grinning, all teeth. Fang's eyes were amused, and his lips touched my ear, slowly emancipating each and every word.**

**"Max, what is this?"**

Subarashii: …you know, if we had a studio audience, we could probably figure out what the fuck just happened.

Raven: No, no we couldn't.

Subarashii: …well, at least we wouldn't be the only ones confused.

**To continue or not to continue. That is the question.**

**Review if you'd like this to stay a one shot. Or if you want more chapters, I might make a two-shot. Possibly. Only if you review**

Subarashii: Best thing I ever read, anywhere. So let's get going with that-*gets zapped by Raven*

/

The captain got back into his chair, readjusting his hat.

"OK, OK, all joking aside: How was it?"

Raven sighed, rubbing her temples. "Well, to be completely fair, the writing itself wasn't that bad. It wasn't chock full of grammar errors and general lack of knowledge of the English language. The problem was that most of the characters were way off from their canon personalities, and, just in case it wasn't clear, all the sex clearly indicated where this was going."

The captain raised an eyebrow. "You could tell just from the overall theme of the story that this was going to end in lesbian maybe-a-dream-maybe-not sex between two people who don't like each other?"

Raven paused. "…well, no, but it would probably end with someone having sex."

Crona finished wiping his nose and crumpled up the tissue. "Why is the sex thing such a big deal? It wouldn't be the first time we reviewed something with sex in it."

Raven frowned. "True, but the problem is, like I said, it was competently written sex. With badly written sex, you just take it in stride, but if the writing is actually good, the sexual themes become that much more noticeable."

The captain leaned over to Crona's seat, grinning. "Which would explain why this affected you the way it did, kiddo."

Crona blushed again, rubbing his nose slightly. Raven glared at the captain. "Subarashii, can you go for five minutes without teasing Crona? Just wondering."

The captain sighed as he got to his feet. "Yes, _mother_."

As the captain started to head up the stairs, he stopped, remembering something odd that he thought he should mention.

"Oh, before I go, I wanted to ask you guys something."

The two looked up at him, Raven already looking annoyed.

"Did either of you try to tell anyone what we were doing?"

They both paused, before giving a simultaneous "yes", which caused them to look at one another in surprise.

"So, it happened to you guys too, I take it?"

Crona looked back at the captain. "What do you mean?"

The captain scratched the back of his head. "I dunno, it was weird. This guy challenged me to an official duel or some shit, and I told him I was going to be busy, because I'd be doing this. But when I tried to tell him what I would be busy doing, I just suddenly…couldn't. I played it cool, said that the guy was beneath me and not worth my time, but still, it was odd…"

Crona looked down, remembering the worry he'd caused his friends and how he'd been unable to tell them the truth. Raven looked at the letter on the table, a thought suddenly entering her head.

"Remember back when we first came here? The letter we got said that we could enter here, "but only in accordance to his will". I think that means that we're the only ones allowed to come here, or to even know that this place exists. No one else."

Crona looked up at Raven. "But…that doesn't explain why _we_ can't tell anyone."

"I know, and that's what's bothering me about this…"

The captain turned to face the two. "So, wait…basically what you're saying is that we're the only ones "allowed" to come here…but then, what about all that shit about expanding into other worlds? Was that just to convince us to stick around?"

Raven frowned. "It's possible…it's also possible that that will still happen, but it'll take a long time. I mean, think about how many worlds could be out there in the many different universes. It'd take much longer than our combined lifetimes to get to them all."

The captain shrugged. "Why worry about something that big right now? Why not just let the people we know personally in on this? Hell, that'll probably happen now anyway. Whoever this guy is, he's obviously realized that we're starting to figure this out, so why worry about it?"

Crona looked up at the captain. "But…do we want them to get involved with this? With all the stuff we've seen so far? With what we could still see?"

The three looked at one another, and then at the large screen. It was finally starting to dawn on them the depths of what they'd gotten themselves into, and what they could very well drag their friends and families into.

None of them were sure what to think of that.

/

Alright, sorry if this one's a bit rushed. I'm really eager to get to the next chapter of this, for multiple reasons.

Speaking of that, you don't need to worry about sending me any fic suggestions, as I already have one set in place. I'll still gladly take any fanmail questions, though!

I honestly hope you guys are ready for the next one, as things will be getting pretty intense. Both because of the fic itself and the effects it will have on our heroes. And just for a sneak preview…

Next time: The first guest star appears!

See you in a few!


	8. Story 5: Scandalous Part 1

OK, sorry for keeping you guys waiting, but my ego demanded that I wait for you guys to send as many responses as possible. Because my ego is fragile and needs to be stroked now that I'm exposing it to all of you.

Wow, that sounded wrong.

Anyway, this is where the shit be getting serious, so be prepared. I've been looking forward to writing this one for a while now, and I hope you guys enjoy it. Especially if you're sadists like me.

Because I forgot to mention last time (again), I do not own Teen Titans or Soul Eater.

Full speed ahead!

/

It wasn't often that the captain was right. Of course, he would tell you otherwise, but the truth was, he rarely, if ever, made a correct guess or assumption on anything. And on the occasions he did, he never regretted it.

Which is why this moment was so unique for him, as he, Raven, and Crona all gathered around Raven's seat, processing the realization that they wouldn't be the only ones there that day.

As they each arrived in their typical fashions, they noticed a few things that were different about their now familiar theater. On the table in front of the screen, there were two letters, much like there was on their first day. And like on the first day, one of the letters had a note attached to it, saying "open this first after all four arrive".

They also had a much stronger feeling of being watched. Granted, they knew that people all around the worlds were watching them (though how large the scope was was something none of them dared to guess), so the assumption was that more cameras were hidden about the theater.

But the biggest surprise came when Raven went to sit in her usual seat, only to find another sign attached to it, saying "reserved for special guest". So, in case it wasn't made clear, they was going to be another reviewer that day. Just as the captain predicted.

The feelings regarding this were mixed. While the captain initially had no problem with adding more people to their little group, now he wasn't so sure. The question had been posed last time regarding whether or not they _wanted_ anyone else in with them. Raven in particular seemed reluctant to get anyone else involved, for reasons she had yet to fully explain.

The captain sighed, walking over to his seat and flopping down in it.

"So…who's it gonna be?"

Raven frowned. "You expect us to know?"

"I expect you to at least have a guess."

Raven sighed as she sat beside her normal seat. "If I had my way, it'd be no one."

Crona tilted his head. "Why's that?"

She looked up at him. "You yourself wondered if bringing others in was a good idea, considering all we've been through and could still go through. Do you really want to subject others to this? Particularly if they're our friends?"

Crona winced at that, suddenly feeling very embarrassed at the idea of someone he knew having to read Tempation. The captain frowned, looking past Crona to catch Raven's eye.

"How do you know it'll be a friend, or anyone you would know?"

Raven turned to look at him. "It was your theory, you tell me."

The captain grumbled, leaning back in his seat. "It was just an idea. If they're going to make this a common occurrence, it'd make sense to start with people we'd know to ease into it."

He then sighed, stretching a bit. "Besides, if you ask me, you're blowing this out of proportion. Yeah, we sat through some crap and were collectively embarrassed for humanity as a whole, but they weren't earth-shatteringly, mind-numbingly, friendship-destroying-"

"OK, OK, we got it." Raven cut in, rubbing her temples while doing so.

Crona walked over to his seat, picking up the pile of letters on it and sitting down. "Should we go through these now, or wait for whoever to arrive…?"

The captain shrugged. "The fans would probably like it better if we got someone else's thoughts on whatever we're asked."

Crona frowned. "B-But it's not like there will be letters for them here…"

"Even so, they'll probably want to make some comments. Especially if they are someone one of us knows."

Raven leered at the captain. "You're thinking about this a bit too much, aren't you?"

The captain frowned. "Oh, like you have room to-"

He was cut off by the door behind them opening, which was followed by a young female voice giving a cautionary "Hello?" Two heads turned to the source of the voice. One didn't.

Crona knew that voice. He knew it all too well. He looked forward to hearing that voice every morning when he woke up, and felt a bit of sadness when he had to say goodbye to it for the day. And now she was _here_, about to endure a test in insanity like he had the past four times.

_Wait…people mistake voices all the time._ he thought. _Yeah…maybe I just misheard. I'll just turn around and it'll be someone else. Like one of Raven's friends, or someone Subarashii knows_.

It took him a few seconds, but turn his head he did. And for once, he wasn't happy to see the owner of the voice. He recognized those blonde pigtails, that long black overcoat, the white gloves, and the plaid skirt. He recognized every facet of her person, and under any other circumstances, he would be overjoyed to see her.

This was not "any other circumstances", however.

"Crona?" the girl asked in surprise, as she saw her pink-haired friend among the two strangers after reaching the bottom of the stairs. Crona slowly got to his feet, then turned to face her, giving a small, meek wave in response.

Raven had expected (and was somewhat thankful) that it would be a friend of Crona's, not hers. Crona seemed to have a habit of attracting bad luck, and if her theory was right, this would be pretty bad. What neither she nor the captain had been expecting was his friend to suddenly dash forward and wrap him up in a tight hug.

Crona blinked, caught off guard by the sudden contact, and before having the chance to properly enjoy it, the girl pulled away, hands on his shoulders so she could get a better look at him.

"Where've you been, Crona? I was worried about you! You didn't even say hi to me this morning…" the girl said, a slightly sad frown on her face.

Crona quickly looked down, feeling flat out terrible for leaving in such a rush. "S-Sorry…"

The girl looked around the theater, taking in all the details before looking back at Crona. "Why didn't you say you were here?" As Crona opened his mouth to answer, the girl moved her hands from his shoulders and pulled out a letter from her coat. "Does it have something to do with this?"

Crona blinked. "Uh, yeah…but why did you-"

"Wait a minute!"

Three heads turned to the captain, who had suddenly got out of his seat. "You mean to tell me you guys got _invited_ to his place?"

Raven blinked. "Yes. Didn't you?"

The captain turned to look at her. "Uh, no! I got my poor ass knocked out and dropped here! I thought you two had captured me! Which would be pretty damn embarrassing, to be kidnapped by two kids."

Crona tilted his head. "Is that why you were asleep when we got here…?"

Raven glared at the captain. "And is that why you pointed a gun at me?"

The captain blinked, then started scratching the back of his head, a sheepish grin on his face. "Um…no hard feelings?"

The girl looked between both Subarashii and Raven for a minute or so, before looking back at Crona. "So…this is where you've been spending your weekends, huh?"

Crona looked down, rubbing his right arm with his left hand. "S-Something like that…"

Suddenly, that familiar distinctive _splortch_ echoed through the theater, as Ragnarok leaned over Crona's head, already in a foul mood.

"Oh, joy to the fucking world! Just when I think I can have a few minutes without dealing with you, you just waltz in here like you own the place! This day just can't get any fucking better!"

The girl gave a wiry grin as she stared at Ragnarok. "Hello to you too, mini-Ragnarok."

"Oh you are gonna get it, you flat-chested bitch!" Ragnarok roared as he lunged forward, only to collide with the girl's outstretched fist. Both parties gave a yelp of pain, Ragnarok clutching his face while the girl waved her hand back and forth.

Crona moved forward, grabbing her hand and looking it over. "A-Are you OK?"

The girl grinned sheepishly. "Yeah, it's fine. I just forgot how thick he is."

"_THICK_?" Ragnarok yelled. "I swear to God, I will end you, you-"

"Um, hang on." Raven interjected. "What do you mean by "mini-Ragnarok"?"

Crona turned to look at Raven. "Oh…he used to be bigger than this…long story."

The captain groaned, placing a hand over his face. "Oh geez. That's all the world needs. A _giant_ ugly-ass frog."

Ragnarok turned to glare at the captain. "Call me frog one more goddamn time! Please! Give me an excuse to eat your soul, fucker!"

The girl looked between Raven and the captain again, head tilted slightly. "I see you've made a couple of new friends…"

Crona gave a slight smile. "Y-You could say that…"

The girl turned back to look at Crona, only to look in between them. "Uh, Crona?"

"Hm?"

"You can let go of my hand now…"

Crona looked down to see that he was still holding on to the girl's hand. He gave a slight "eep" as he quickly pulled away, face already flushing.

"S-S-Sorry!"

"It's fine, Crona."

Raven could swear she actually saw the lightbulb go off above the captain's head. The grin that came over his face didn't help matters.

Crona quickly snatched up the first envelope on the table and held it out to the girl. "H-Here…I th-think you're sup-p-pposed to read this…"

The girl frowned slightly, but took the envelope out of Crona's hands and opened it all the same.

_Please introduce yourself to the others and to the people at home_.

The girl blinked, looking at the others in confusion. "…the people at home?"

Raven sighed, getting to her feet. "Yes, apparently we're being recorded. Or we're live on TV somewhere. It's never been made clear."

The girl frowned. "And you guys are…OK with this?"

Raven shrugged as she moved behind the girl. "For the most part, I suppose." She then grabbed her shoulders and gently turned her to face the screen. "We usually assume that the main camera is behind there, so just introduce yourself to that and we can get started."

The girl blinked, turning her head to look at Raven. "Get started with what? I still don't know why exactly I'm here."

"In a nutshell, we're supposed to sit here and review bad attempts at writing fiction."

"And people watch that?"

"Apparently, negativity is popular."

The girl frowned at that, but sighed and turned to face the screen, deciding to give it her best shot.

"My name is Maka Albarn. I'm a scythe meister at Shibusen Academy. I'm 16 years old and I _will_ become an even greater meister than my mother before me."

Maka turned to look at Raven again. "Like that?"

Raven shrugged again. "That's what we went with, and there weren't any problems." She then held out her hand. "Call me Raven, by the way."

Maka smiled and shook her hand. "Nice to meet you, Raven."

She then looked past her at Subarashii's seat. "Um…what is he doing?"

Raven turned to see that Subarashii was now standing on his seat, much like on their first day. She placed a hand over her face. "Oh, great…"

The captain pointed a finger skyward, launching into his now-familiar speech.

"The stormy skies…the raging seas…the stars burning bright throughout all of space…they all tremble before me! Make note of this day! For you stand before the greatest space pirate in all of the universe!"

His finger curled back to his hand, only for his thumb to stick out, which he jabbed at himself.

"I am…Captain Subarashii!"

He reached into his jacket, pulling out his gun and sword and twirling them dramatically (Crona took a moment to wonder how exactly those fit in there). He crossed the two weapons and pointed them at Maka.

"Yoho! Intergalactic bitches better re-cog-nize!"

Silence reigned for a few moments as Maka stared at the captain. Soon, she placed her own hand on her face, clearly exasperated.

"Why, Crona?"

Crona blinked, turning to look at Maka. "Eh?"

"Why couldn't it have been another Kid? Or another Liz? Or a Tsubaki? Or even another Patty? Why did it have to be another Black*Star?"

Crona gave a slight hum of acknowledgement before giving his answer. "W-Well, it could be worse…"

"Oh?"

"He could be like your dad…"

A few more seconds of silence, before Maka gave another exasperated sigh, lowering her hand from her face.

"Valid point." she replied through grit teeth.

The captain hopped off of his seat, standing in front of Maka with his fists on his hips. "Sheesh, Crona! Is everyone from where you're from a total killjoy? Or is it just you two?"

Maka glared at the captain as he moved past her and snatched the other envelope off of the table and ripped it open, surprised to find a rather long letter this time.

_Now that our guest star for today has made her introductions, it's time I give you your first real warning about this._

_Today, three of you will suffer greatly. How greatly is something even I can't begin to imagine, and I could not blame any of you for walking away afterwards. This is the first true experiment, the reaction test. It will not, by any means, be pleasant. And it does not even involve the fic you are set to read today, at least not directly._

_However, I am confident that no matter what trials you three face today, you will grow stronger for it. You will gain an understanding of one another through this test, and you will grow closer because of it. In the end, I am certain you will be happy._

_To the other two, I must ask you to do something I'm sure you would do anyway: Help them. Help them through this great pain, for help they will most certainly need. I know you will be able to do this, for you too will gain an understanding of them through this test. An understanding that would've taken you years to gain, that you will gain in a few moments._

_You will hate me for this. I would consider you mad if you didn't. But I told you from the start of my dream, my ambition. And I will not allow that to slip away, now that I am on the right path. I ask that you endure this, and continue to help me. I don't expect you to comply, but I ask you all the same._

_You will find the name of the fic on the back of this letter._

_For what it's worth, I am sorry for what's about to happen._

The four reading the letter instantly grew wary. As the first one had been, the letter had been vague and full of questions. Who was going to supposedly suffer? How? Why? What was going to be the cause of all this? And would it even be worth it? He had assured them that they would "grow stronger", but how could he know such a thing?

Maka in particular was lost, and gave a worried look at Crona, who was staring downward, lost in thought. If it was just them talking about bad writing, why all this talk about suffering? What really happened here? What had her friend been through? And why didn't he tell her about any of this?

She reached out and gently took Crona's hand with her own, who looked up in surprise, face already starting to flush. She gave him a comforting smile and squeezed his hand slightly, to tell him that everything would be alright. Crona looked down again, but responded by giving her hand a squeeze as well.

Raven looked at the two out of the corner of her eye, slowly starting to realize just how close the two were, and just what their relationship was. This Maka was Crona's anchor, the one keeping him on the ground. The one keeping him where he needed to be.

_The one keeping him sane?_ she couldn't help but wonder. She quickly pushed those thoughts away. He was sane. He was just being paranoid before. That's all there was to it. She looked up at the captain, who had turned to look at her, surprisingly lost. It was almost like he was asking her what to do. Whether or not to turn the page over and see what happens next.

She wondered for just a moment why he felt the need to ask her, before giving a nod of approval. The captain looked back at the letter and slowly turned it over.

_The story in question is called Prison at Home._

_The fandom is Soul Eater._

Looking back on that moment, Subarashii would realize that that was when he truly learned what a "blood-curdling scream" was. For, three seconds after that last sentence was spoken, he heard two of those exact things ring out from behind him.

He and Raven both spun to tend to Maka and Crona, who were screaming as though they had experienced horror in its purest quality. They had both fallen to the floor, screaming again and again as the captain and Raven tried to calm them, some part of them knowing it was futile.

After a while, Maka ran out of breath to scream, panting heavily as she managed to form words. "What was that…what just…_what the flying fuck just happened_?"

The captain helped her to sit up, Raven doing the same for Crona. Crona was doing much worse, curled up, knees to his chest as he panted over and over, one thought constantly escaping his lips.

"I know his name…I shouldn't know his name…I know it...I don't want to know it…"

Before Raven could ask him what he meant, that familiar _splortch_ echoed again, Ragnarok appearing and beginning to scream in short bursts. The third to suffer.

"Holy fuck! Holy fucking fuck! What just happened? Why do I know these things? I shouldn't know this! _I shouldn't fucking know this!_"

It was then that it dawned on Raven, the information swelling in her mind. The random information that had been implanted on their first day. It had just activated, giving them the necessary data to properly review the story. That information was what brought Crona and Maka to their knees (Raven realized that Maka had to have had the same mental tampering they had received beforehand).

Raven looked down at Crona, who had started to cry as he came to the conclusion she was slowly coming to. She knew everything about him now. She knew what he had endured at the hands of his own mother, the suffering of being locked in a dark room for hours on end, with his only companion being Ragnarok. She knew about all the people he had killed, all the evil he had done, all while serving his mother. She knew about the glimmer of happiness he received when he first met Maka, and how he'd walked away from that in a foolish attempt to gain approval from his mother. And she knew how much more he'd suffered since then.

It wasn't just him. She now knew everything about Maka, about her partner known as Soul. She knew about the loud ninja Black*Star, and his quiet partner Tsubaki. She knew about the neurotic son of Death, Death the Kid, and his twin partners the Thompson Sisters, Liz and Patty. She knew about Maka's father, Spirit, and his old friend and current teacher at the school, Dr. Franken Stein. She knew about Sid the zombie, about the nurse Nygus, about Marie Mjolnir, Yumi Azusa, Tezca Tlipoca and his partner Enrique. She knew about Crona's fellow students: Ox, Harvar, Kilik, Fire and Thunder, Kim, Jacqueline. She knew about the magical cat Blair, about the witches that they were at war with. Medusa, Arachne, Eruka, Mizune, Free. She knew about Justin, Giriko, Mosquito, Noah, and the being known as Asura.

It was then that the terrifying realization hit her. For it was this information that was now in her mind that had hit all of them. And it was then that the significance of its appearance became clear.

"Oh God…" she whispered, eyes staring ahead. "This…this story…it's about you…"

The captain's head snapped up to meet Raven's eyes, his own widening with shock as the same conclusion was made clear to him. He slowly shook his head, almost begging it to not be true. But there was nothing that could be said or done to change the truth.

His face quickly changed from shock to pure fury, as he got to his feet and snatched the letter off of the table, almost as though it was their mysterious boss itself. With a roar, he threw the letter aside, pulling out his gun and shooting it in midair.

"_You stupid fucking prick!_"

Shot after shot echoed through the room as the paper was shredded to pieces, each shot burning a new hole in it, each one barely heard over the captain's angry ranting.

"They're just kids! _They're just fucking kids_! You did this to them! This is your fault! _YOU DID THIS_!"

Raven would notice, looking back at that moment, that there were no bullets coming from Subarashii's gun. Instead there were bright red bursts of light and heat, shooting forth in lines through the paper. She suspected that was proof of his being a space pirate, which she hadn't seen before then.

The letter was naught but a few dregs of burnt paper, and yet Subarashii kept firing, screaming now incoherent. As the last bits fell to the ground, Subarashii threw the gun itself at the ground, punctuating the movement with a loud "FUCK!" He stood there, staring at the gun, breathing heavily, still shaking with anger.

It was this moment, this one moment that a total stranger showed concern through anger for them, that brought Maka back to reality. She turned to look at Crona, still curled up, still sobbing. Without a word, she moved over to sit beside him, reached around Ragnarok and pulled Crona close to her, gently cradling him like a child. Crona leaned into Maka, cherishing the contact as his sobs slowly began to lessen. Maka had experienced the same shock and horror that Crona had, but Crona was more important. She would save her tears for later, if they would come.

After a few long minutes, Crona pulled away from Maka, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. He then turned to look at Raven, a somewhat bitter smile on his face.

"So…still think I'm sane?"

This one simple question hit Raven like a brick to the stomach. _He just went through an existential crisis and he's worried about THAT?_ Her arm shook slightly as she stared at Crona in disbelief. _No. No no no. Don't you dare. You will not cry. Not now, especially not now. If you start crying right now, everything will fall apart. Maintain. Maintain. Azarath Metrion Zinthos._

She wouldn't cry, but she would do something. She quickly reached forward and wrapped her arms around Crona, surprising him, Maka, and herself, to some degree. "Of course I do." was all she said to him.

She then moved one of her arms away and beckoned Maka to move. Cautiously, she moved closer, only to be pulled into a hug as well. The two of them felt decidedly awkward (Crona moreso, knowing that this was unusual for Raven), but neither of them made any protests. Raven didn't say another word, she simply held them, knowing that they needed it, for everything they had been through before today in addition to the day's events.

She looked up and noticed that a small smile had crept onto the captain's face, though he did his best to hide it. He looked away from them, stooping down to pick up his gun and put it away. Raven let go of Maka and Crona, smiling slightly as she looked at the captain.

"Well? No request to join in, Subarashii?" she asked.

The captain turned around, arms crossed. "Oh, come on, Rae. I'm trying to not be a creeper here. Just hanging around with teenagers is bad enough for my reputation."

He then noticed that his hat was now hovering just above his head, covered in black energy. He quickly snatched it back up and placed it on his head, frowning at Raven while ignoring Maka's surprised face.

"Hey! What have I said about the hat?"

"What have _I_ said about calling me Rae?"

Neither statement had any hatred or annoyance behind it. It was almost playful. The two stared at one another until Subarashii broke out a grin, which was returned by Raven's calm smile.

No one said anything else for a short while. One question was lingering over all of them, but no one made the move to ask it. How could they, after what had just happened? Finally, Maka decided to break the silence.

"Well…I find out my friend has wandered off, so I start running through the city in a panic, only to find him in an old theater with two people I've never met, and have to introduce myself to strangers I can't even see, all because we're supposedly going to review bad writing. Then, we wind up finding out we're characters in a story, created by some guy named Ookubo Atsushi, and everything that's ever happened to us is because of him." she exposited. After a few seconds, she gave a weary smile. "It'd be pretty stupid of me to just walk away now, wouldn't it?"

Both Raven and the captain gained a newfound admiration for Maka, who had endured something neither of them could imagine, and put on a smile and decided to continue anyway. Raven noticed that same feeling coming off of Crona, who gave a small smile of his own. "I…I won't go either."

The captain grinned, before walking over to Crona's seat and grabbing the pile of letters that were on it. He sat down in his seat, letters in his lap.

"Well then, let's get to these first, alright?" he asked.

The others got to their feet and wandered to their seats, Maka taking her reserved one in between Crona and Raven. "You guys get fanmail?"

The captain grinned as he passed the envelopes along. "When you're as incredibly charismatic as us, that's to be expected."

He decided to start off for them, ripping open his first envelope and reading the contents inside.

_subarashii(spelled it right this time i know because i wrote it down)_

"I'm sure your parent/friend/significant other is proud of you."

_1 if your a pirate can i haves some of your gold?_

"Hmm…give a total stranger I don't like some of my gold? Let me think about this for a min-NO! N-to-the-fucking-O! And if I ever find out you tried to take any of it, _I'll wear your skin as a new coat_!"

Crona blinked. "A-Are all pirates this protective of their gold…?"

"Believe it, matey."

_2 which was worse of the 2 fics i sent in may's trial or teenage dream?_

"You sent that stupid trial fic too? Fucking hell…well, yeah, the trial was much worse. Sure, Teenage Dream sucked, but it had lesbians, so it was alright."

Maka stared at the captain for about a minute before turning to look at Raven. "Raven, could I borrow one of your books for a second?"

Raven blinked at the odd request, but handed her one of her hardcover books anyway. "Alright…"

The captain probably should've noticed that something was wrong, especially when Crona ducked his head down.

"_MAKA CHOP_!"

He thought about that, lying face-first on the floor, head smoking from the impact. Maka smiled and handed the book back to Raven. "Thank you."

Raven took the book, staring at Maka for a moment. "…alright, you have to teach me how to do that."

Maka giggled at that, whereas the captain groaned. _Great, now my life's going to be a living hell._ He slowly got back into his chair, picking up the letter and continuing.

_3 snoofles... couldn't help myself see your reaction this time was just too funny_

"…fuck you a hundred times, cockmonkey."

Maka frowned. "…I don't want to know, do I?"

Crona gulped. "N-No, you don't. You really don't…"

The captain tossed the letter aside, grabbing the other envelope for him. "Don't know if I'll be able to read this one, now that I have _brain damage_."

Maka grinned. "Oh, don't be such a baby. The pain will wear off…eventually."

Raven looked at the captain. "Besides, you're talking as though you have a brain to damage in the first place."

The captain grumbled, ignoring the girls' spontaneous high-five. "Great, just what I needed. Two of you."

_Can you play an instrument?_

"You kidding? You're looking at the most kickass drummer in the galaxy!"

Raven raised an eyebrow. "What, just the galaxy?"

"Hey, you try outperforming an eight-armed spider alien who can hit at thirty beats per second!"

_What is your prized possession?_

The captain simply pointed at his hat, rolling his eyes as though the answer was obvious.

_Pepsi or Coke?_

"Whichever one doesn't taste like piss-water…so, Coke."

_How do you release anger?_

The captain pointed at the charred remains of the letter from earlier, again, rolling his eyes.

_Are you wearing your favorite color right now?_

The captain tugged at his white jacket. "A-yep."

_Have you ever told a joke and nobody thought it was funny?_

The captain turned to glare at Raven. "Apparently, _all the damn time_."

Raven shrugged. "It's not my fault you choose to be a rude, annoying braggart."

_Scary Movies or Comedies?_

"Depends on my mood. Though it is easier for me to find a decent horror movie than a comedy."

The captain tossed the letter aside and turned to look at Raven again. "And since you felt the need to continuously interject, you can go next."

Raven glared at the captain for a moment before taking an envelope and opening it.

_1 where you really glad angel wasn't dating in this? i mean there is one of fang and angel_

"…if I wind up reading a Fang/Angel fic in the future, I will be holding you responsible. _And you will not enjoy what happens_."

_2 did my question about beast boy make you angry?_

Raven's eyes started to glow. "Gee, what was your first clue?"

_3 what's the deal with cyborg and jynx?_

"I wasn't aware there even was a "deal" between them."

She quietly opened the next envelope.

_What's your zodiac sign?_

"Aquarius. Not that I put any faith in the Zodiac."

The captain blinked. "Did someone actually ask you what your sign was? How clichéd can you get?"

_Do you like the subject English or Math better?_

"Wouldn't really know, I never went to school. Though it'd probably be English."

_Who was the first person you talked to today?_

"Starfire."

The captain stared at Raven for a moment. "…what? That's it?"

"The subject matter isn't really anyone's business."

_What is your favorite book?_

There was silence for a few moments as Raven stared at the letter in thought. Finally, she looked up, expression not changing. "Couldn't you just ask me something simple? Like who not to save in one of those "choose-who-dies" death traps a supervillain makes?"

Maka giggled. "Believe me, I know exactly what you mean."

The captain gave a cough that sounded suspiciously like the word "nerds".

_Who is your shortest friend_

"Teether, technically. What with him being a baby and all."

The captain blinked. "…wow, and I thought I was acting like a creeper."

"_MAKA CHOP_!"

The captain groaned while lying on the floor as Maka handed the book back to Raven. "See, the trick is in the element of surprise. You need to make sure no one sees you coming."

_Would you rather write in pen or pencil?_

"Doesn't really make much difference. I don't do much writing anyway."

Crona blinked. "I thought you would be interested in writing poetry…"

"…well, OK, I don't do much writing _anymore_."

Maka frowned at Raven's response, then turned to look at Crona. "You showed her…it, didn't you?"

Crona gave a guilty nod.

_Hot Tea or Ice Tea?_

"Hot. Tea loses its calming effects if it isn't warm."

Raven placed the letter with the other, then gave a cautious look at Crona as he opened one of his letters. Crona noticed, then gave a small smile of reassurance. "I-I'll be fine. R-Really."

_1 is there something going on between soul and maka?_

Crona's face quickly flushed as Maka read over his shoulder. "Wait, what does he mean by that? What's it any business of his if there was anything "going on" between us? Which there isn't! And how does this guy even know who Soul is?"

Raven blinked as Maka's question reached her. _Wait…how does he know about Soul? And for that matter, how did he know about Beast Boy, Cyborg, or Jinx?_ Raven lost herself in her thoughts until the next question was asked.

_2 was medusa ever nice to you_

Looking back, Subarashii would realize that he also learnt the true meaning of the phrase "so quiet you could hear a pin drop" that day. For that exact level of silence was prominent as soon as that question was heard.

At least, until Crona started to hyperventilate.

The captain quickly snatched the letter out of Crona's hands and began ripping it to shreds, while Maka had already wrapped her arms around Crona, doing everything she could to calm him down.

"Crona, it's OK. She's gone. She's gone and she's never coming back. She's not going to hurt you anymore. I won't let it happen. It's OK, Crona, really. It's alright. Just take it easy. Just relax."

Crona was leaning into Maka again, speaking in between short, rapid breaths. "Why…why did…why did she…do that…I don't…under…stand…"

It took a few minutes, but soon enough, Crona's breathing normalized. He let Maka hold him for a few more minutes before slowly sitting up, taking a deep, calming breath and letting it go.

"I-I'm alright now…"

Maka frowned. "Are you sure?"

Crona nodded, reaching up and giving Maka's hand a slight, comforting squeeze.

The captain held up Crona's other letter. "We could just skip this if you want…"

Crona shook his head, reaching out and taking the envelope. "N-No…it's OK."

He ripped the envelope open, giving the letter a brief scan. "…I think I like these questions more."

_What was the last book you read?_

Crona frowned, looking at Maka. "W-What was that one you lent to me…?"

"The first Silverwing book, I think."

"Oh, right. That was it."

_What is your favorite holiday?_

Crona blinked. "…"holiday"?"

The captain frowned at Maka. "OK, you really, really need to have a talk with him, kiddo."

_What's your favorite fruit?_

"Well…those apples I had the other day were pretty good…so I guess those."

_What is your favorite time of year._

"…isn't that the same question as the holiday one?"

_Did anything brighten up your day?_

Crona gave a quick glance at Maka, a smile coming across his face accompanied by a blush. "Y-You could say that…"

The captain had to fight the urge to let out the biggest "aw" anyone ever heard.

_Is there a certain country you would like to visit?_

"I heard Japan was really nice…"

Maka smiled slightly. "My mother came from Japan. I always wanted to see what it was like."

The captain fought the urge to "aw" again.

_Name something you think is pointless._

"I would…except people would probably get depressed."

Both Maka and Raven gave an involuntary shudder.

The group sighed as they looked at the screen, the story about to begin. The captain frowned, then looked at Crona and Maka.

"Hey, listen you guys…"

The two looked at him as he continued.

"Whatever we're about to see…it isn't you. They might have your names, but they won't be you. You're sitting here, watching it happen. You're not actually taking part in it. They may as well be complete strangers. Alright?"

They both frowned, but nodded in understanding after a moment. They all faced forward, and the next part of the torture began.

/

**Hi everybody!**

Subarashii: Hey douchebag!

**So I was looking at Soul Eater fics when I noticed something.**

Crona: It's still really weird to hear about our world talked about in that way…

**Very few fics have a jealous, manipulative and abusive Soul.**

Maka: …and this is a bad thing? How is the fact that there is a lack of a bad Soul a problem? Why would this person care about something like that and oh _shit_, I just realized where this is going.

Raven: This can't end well. By any means.

**So this is pretty much a longer and better version of Prison At Home.**

Subarashii: You can shine up a piece of shit all you want, it'll still be shit, lady!

**Yup! I'm doing a better version of something that was originally mine.**

Maka: What the captain said.

**Yes I have deviantART and now I'm rambling. But sadly I own none of the characters for prison at home!****Or Soul Eater when I think about it.**

Crona: Sad for you, maybe…

**Review? Everyone knows reviews keep depression away!**

Raven: Oh how delusional people can be…

**-shot-**

All: Hooray!

**I watched as Soul walked forward, each movement slow and deliberate.**

Subarashii: "I"? Aw hell, this is a POV fic, isn't it?

**He was trying to scare me, I noticed. It worked. Fear already had settled into my heart.**

Maka: …that's not _me_, is it?

Crona: I'm getting this sinking feeling that it is…

**"Soul please!" I whined.**

Maka and Crona: _I do/She does not whine!_

Subarashii: Aw, it's so cute how mutual hatred for something brings two friends closer together.

Raven: Amen.

**He bared his sharp white teeth at me.**

Raven: Why are his teeth like that, anyway?

Maka: …you know, I never thought to ask him.

**"You've been seeing **_**him **_**again! Haven't you!" He snarled at me. Him was Chrona. I had sneaked out to see him.**

Crona: Wait, why would she need to sneak out to see me?

Subarashii: …that fucking sadist!

Raven: What?

Subarashii: The one who set all this up! First he makes these two go through frickin' mind rape, and now he's set them up with a story with them as the pairing!

Maka: …_WHAT_?

Crona: *pales considerably*

Subarashii: And not only that, it's a story where the other potential love interest is turned into an abusive jackoff! It's Murder The Hypotenuse to the highest fucking degree!

*TVTropes references: 14*

Raven: Is this really the time for that?

**After all since we killed the Kishin he had been more and more depressed.**

Subarashii: So this is the anime continuity? Figures, no one can be bothered to actually read a frickin' manga these days.

Crona: S-Seriously, it's really weird to hear about us talked like that…

**Probably because he betrayed Shibusen**

Crona: …no-

Maka: He did not betray us! He never has and he never will! Whoever this person is, I hope they die in a volcano _filled with lightning_!

Subarashii: …Crona, I'm starting to see why you like this one so much.

**He needs me. But I'm not allowed to go out any more.**

Raven: OK, this isn't Maka. That's all there is to it. This is someone else entirely who just happens to look like Maka.

Subarashii: Pretty sure I said that at the start, Raven.

Raven: Well excuse me for reassuring the idea.

**"You know the rules." Soul muttered menacingly.**

Subarashii: "And so do-"…you know, I'd be more willing to continue that if I wasn't filled with killing intent.

Maka: I know _exactly_ how you feel.

**As if in response to my thoughts. As he came closer to me, I winced knowing what was coming to me. A sharp pain in my gut told me he had hit me.**

Maka: And then I kick him in the balls and find the closest thing to a blunt object and start beating his skull in! …right?

Raven: Oh, if only.

**I started to cry knowing that I should leave him.**

Maka: And yet this "me" isn't going to leave him, is she?

Subarashii: It wouldn't be a terrible fanfic if you did, kiddo.

Maka: Fuckin' A.

**Not as in breaking up with him but as a partner.**

Crona: …this isn't Maka. Maka is not this stupid. Who is this?

Subarashii: I'm guessing we should rename her. I'm partial towards "Stupid Bitch".

Maka: That doesn't sound so bad…

**I could find another scythe weapon just begging for a meister. Right?**

Maka: Yes! Hell, I'd be more willing to work with my dad than this guy!

Crona: …this Soul actually got worse than your dad. That's an accomplishment in and of itself.

Subarashii: Don't you think you're a bit rough on the old man?

Maka: _FUCK NO_!

**But I know if I leave Soul no one would take me. I would die alone.**

Raven: …she says this, despite mentioning Crona just a few minutes ago. Just…wow, I think you actually have to work to get that stupid.

**Me and Soul had been going out for two months. He had changed.**

Crona: Thank you Captain Obvious!

**For the first three weeks he was fine, constantly giving me hugs and telling me how cool I was. It didn't last.**

Crona: And Captain Obvious strikes again! And so soon after the first time…

**The first time he got violent it was because I spent the day with Chrona. He accused me of sleeping with him.**

Maka and Crona: *spittake*

Subarashii: Holy shit! Double spittake across the sky!

**And he hit me. I couldn't believe it. He protected me in battle and now he was hitting me.**

Maka: More importantly, _why wasn't I hitting him back_? If he even _thought_ of touching me the way this Soul was, he'd be lucky to wake up the next morning!

**Apparently he has some sort of claim on me now. He says that he owns me. And I can't bring myself to dump him.**

Subarashii: And that is why your new name is "Stupid Bitch".

**Chrona had several times asked me what was wrong.**

Crona: …is it odd that the first thing I notice about that is the grammar error?

**"Just tell me Maka!" He once yelled at me. Of course he apologised immediately after this outburst.**

Crona: …I'm not _that_ apologetic…am I?

Ragnarok: Do you really want me to answer that?

Maka: Ragnarok, for once in your life, _shut the fuck up_.

**But he actually cared for me. He really did. Wait. Why did Chrona keep on cropping up in my thoughts?**

Raven: Because the writer of this drivel can't come up with an actual, legitimate reason for two people to fall in love. Besides making the other possible choice look as bad as humanly possible.

**I sighed then winced. The pain in my stomach just wouldn't go away. I'm sure Soul ruptured something when he punched me. Ow.**

Maka: …this is that dreaded plot convenience at work, isn't it?

Subarashii: A-yup.

**That's all I'm reduced to. A shell of my old self. How did it turn out like this?**

Maka: _That's what I'd like to know_!

**First my life was fine. Now I hate pretty much everything.**

Maka: That's pretty much the only thing we have in common at the moment…

**Apart from my friends. And Chrona. Why did I just single him out there? Urgh complicated feelings.**

Raven: Oh yes, they're so complicated that you feel the need to say that they're complicated. Have to love that expression of emotions there.

**Still it won't hurt to sneak out again.**

Subarashii: Despite being punched so hard in the gut that you apparently had an organ ruptured…holy fuck, that sounds stupid when I say it aloud.

**Wait who am I kidding. I don't just want to sneak out. I want to see Chrona. And I don't care if I have to go through a little pain to see him.**

Subarashii: That would almost be sweet if the character wasn't, you know, "Stupid Bitch".

Maka: *grumbles something incoherently*

**-Twenty minutes later-**

Crona: Asura comes back and eats them all. The End. PLEASE.

**Panting I arrived at my best friends room.**

Crona: …somehow, I feel my poem would be less depressing than this.

Raven: If only for an entirely different reason.

**"M-Maka?" Chrona asked a smile settling on his face.**

**"Hi Chrona!" I said bonding up to him, giving him a hug.**

Subarashii: You mean despite the…aw, fuck it.

**And it took a lot more self-control to let go of him. We talked for a while then Chrona noticed something.**

Crona: That we're in a really bad fanfic and we need to get out?

Maka: Please don't get my hopes up like that…

**"Maka, why are you wincing?"**

**"It's nothing."**

**"I-I would understand if y-you where out on a mission b-but it's like s-something has hit you." I couldn't help noticing how observant Chrona was.**

Subarashii: And that would be the plot convenience again.

Crona: Hey! I would notice if something was wrong!

Subarashii: Would you automatically assume it meant someone hit her?

Crona: Well…no, but that's only because Maka wouldn't put up with that…

Maka: Exactly! See, he gets it!

**"Um it's late I better go." I said avoiding the question. Chrona surprised me by grabbing my wrist.**

**"Maka... I don't know what is going on but I will find out." His sapphire blue eyes locked onto me, his gaze pierced my soul.**

All: Oh brother!

**He didn't look shy he looked ferocious, but not aggressive. His hand tight but not suffocating. Something odd welled up in my heart, and I soon felt myself blushing.**

Maka: *face in hands* Oh God, why is this happening…?

Subarashii: Once again, our host is a fucking sadist.

**Then Ragnarok came out and said,**

**"Wow Chrona. You sure aren't acting like a pussy. I'm impressed! You can finally hypnotise a girl.**

**Granted a flat chested one, but a girl."**

Maka: Well, at least she got that part right…

Ragnarok: Oh come on! That's practically my pet name for you! I call you that out of affection, dammit!

Maka: …really?

Ragnarok: Yeah! Even if, by some miracle, you manage to grow a chest, I'd still call you flat-chested!

*MAKA CHOP!*

**He laughed but I soon shut him up with a Maka chop. Sadly that took a lot more power than it should of. And my world became black.**

Maka: …I…_passed out_? …*screams in anger*

Ragnarok: Wow, this Maka is a total wimp!

*MULTIPLE MAKA CHOP!*

Ragnarok: *flat as a pancake*

Maka: See that? I'm still standing here, you shit-kicking, stinking, horse-manure smelling _motherfucker you_!

Subarashii: …first day on the job and she's already quoting Joe Pesci…someone please tell me I can adopt her.

**I woke up with a massive headache. Expected. What I didn't expect was Soul, Chrona and Ragnarok arguing.**

Raven: Redemption time. Maybe this will end the fic in a few short, not-so-agonizing moments.

Crona: Maka asked for no more false hope, Raven…

Raven: Right. Sorry.

**"Yeah like this little bitch would touch Maka!" A screechy voice yelled.**

**"Everyone wants a piece of my Maka!" A growl of a voice snarled.**

Maka: Come to think of it, we should rename this Soul too.

Subarashii: I already have the perfect one: Ron. Ron T.D. Eater.

*TVTropes references: 15*

**"I-I would n-never t-touch M-Maka! U-unless s-she wanted m-me to..."**

Crona: …I didn't say that. I did not just say that. I didn't. That didn't happen.

Maka: *dumbfounded silence*

**"Yeah right!" Soul roared.**

**"Chrona wouldn't have the guts to screw Maka!" Ragnarok retorted.**

Ragnarok: …no comment.

*MAKA CHOP!*

**"Ugh my head!" I cut in to stop this argument getting violent.**

Maka: Trust me, that would probably improve things!

**"M-Maka! You're awake!" Chrona cried sounding both relived and worried.**

**"C'mon we're going home." Soul said. He then picked me up bridal style. Which annoyed me.**

Raven: Oh, well, if it's just _annoying_…

**"Soul! Let me down!"**

**"No. You know the rules and now you will pay the price." He snarled in my ear. My heart clenched in anger and fear. What was going to happen to me?**

Crona: …*stands up* _What the hell are you doing_? Why did you just let them go? Did you completely tune out the last argument you just had? It's obvious something is wrong here! Go after them! You're the absolute worst friend in existence! You dirt-eating piece of slime! You scum-sucking pig! You son of a motherless goat!

Subarashii: …one quotes Joe Pesci and the other quotes Steve Martin…please let them both be up for adoption…

Crona: *sits back down* This guy needs a new name too.

Subarashii: I'll work on it.

**And I'm gonna stop it there. Was it good?**

All: NO!

**I hope so! I have a feeling that I won't get as many reviews 'cuz Soul has a dark side.**

Raven: Oh, gee, I wonder why?

**Still I like it. Review please?**

Maka: Sure, how about _fuck you_! Yeah, that's my review, fuck you, and kiss my ass!

**-Jade**

Maka: Crona, as soon as we get home, you'll help me smash every bit of jade I own, right?

Crona: Absolutely.

**Hi everyone!**

Subarashii: Die in a fire!

**So today I looked at my mail... and I had a awesome surprise.**

Raven: Anthrax?

**Most of the messages I had was reviews people putting this story onto there favourites and all of the other awesome stuff!**

Maka and Crona: *stunned silence*

Subarashii: And now you see why fangirls are some of the lowest life forms on the planet.

**Lost speech for a while***

Raven: Shame it won't stay lost.

**Thank you! It means a lot!**

Maka: You're an emotional fucking cripple. Your soul is dog shit. Every single part of you is ugly. I sincerely hope you die in an alley somewhere.

**Oh and this is where the non-graphic rape comes in. You have been warned...**

Raven: …what did she just…

Subarashii: …there has to be a mistake…

Maka: …there's no way…

Crona: …she wouldn't…would she?

**When we finally got back to the apartment instead of putting onto the sitting room floor he carried me into his room.**

Maka: Oh God this isn't happening I am not seeing this _this is not happening_!

**"Wait Soul! What are you doing!" But deep down I knew what he was going to do.**

Maka: NonononoNO!

Raven: Maka! It isn't you, alright? Just like Subarashii said, it's two total strangers that have nothing to do with you!

Maka: That doesn't make this OK!

Raven: I know! But you have to understand that this isn't happening _to you_! Not to the person I'm talking to right now!

**SCENE OMITTED FOR THE SAKE OF SENSIBILITY**

All: *dead silence*

Subarashii: …I feel legitimately ill right now.

Raven: You're definitely not alone in that category.

Crona: *curls up into a ball*

Maka: …there are no words…beyond the following: _I WANT THIS BITCH DEAD!_

Subarashii: Hear fucking hear, Maka.

**I finally managed to get away from **_**him. **_**More like he let me go, promising that he would kill me if I ever told someone.**

Maka: I'm surprised he could say that without a _fucking tongue_!

**A bunch of emotions flooded me. Anger. Hate.**

Raven: And you're definitely not alone in that category.

Maka: Welcome to the club. We're still working on the T-shirts.

Raven: I'll take five. I have a few friends who I know would be willing to join.

**Fear.**

Subarashii: …Crona?

Crona: *doesn't move*

**But most of all, I felt ashamed.**

Maka: Oh Lord, do I feel ashamed to even be taking part in this right now!

**I should of dumped him. I should of.**

Maka: If by "dumped", you mean in a spike pit, then yes, you should have!

**I went into the shower. The warm water soothed me. But no matter how many times I showered I felt unclean, contaminated.**

Subarashii: I know the feeling.

**And I felt like crying again.**

Subarashii: …Crona? Hello?

Crona: *still no answer*

**After a few hours I gave up. My head pounded and I was in pain. I decided to phone Blair. She didn't live in our apartment any more. She lived with two of her friends from Chupa Cabras.**

Raven: And there's that plot convenience again.

Maka: I don't…why would someone do this…what did I do…?

Raven: You didn't do a damn thing, and don't even start thinking that you did. This is all on this demented sad excuse for a human being that calls herself an author. She is the afterbirth, slithered out from her mother's filth. They should've put her on a glass jar on a mantelpiece.

Subarashii: …goddamn, even in the face of adversity, everyone is slinging quotes around. I don't know if this is a sign of inner strength or just really cheesy dialogue.

Raven: Let's just go with the former. Everyone will feel better that way.

**I wouldn't tell her anything.**

Maka: …I mentioned how I wanted this bitch dead, right?

Raven: You did.

Maka: Let me add to that. I want this bitch dead. I want her family dead. I want her house burned to the ground. I want to go there in the middle of the night and _piss on the ashes_!

Subarashii: I am so proud right now I think I'm gonna cry.

**I am feeling ill. No. Scrap that. I'm gonna throw up.**

Subarashii: That's starting to sound like a good idea right now…

**And **_**he **_**has gone out to play basketball. I wouldn't mind much. If he didn't RAPE me.**

Maka: Oh, yeah, because that's such a fucking inconvenience, _isn't it_?

**Too late. I missed the toilet. I flipped my phones lid up and dialled Blair's number .**

**"Blair?"**

**"Maka-chan! Are you okay?"**

**"Um Blair will you come over? I'm sick." I rasped into the phone.**

**"Aww you poor thing. I'll come over straight away!"**

**"See you." I said. As soon as she hung up I started to cry again. I was useless. And a burden. I amounted to nothing.**

Maka: Oh you have no idea how right you are, bitch.

**-15 minutes later...-**

Raven: A nuclear bomb wipes out the whole city. I don't care if it's false hope, I'm using it anyway.

**Blair came. She gave me medicine. Put me to bed. Gave me a glass of water.**

**"Maka do you want some food?" She asked me, concern in her golden eyes.**

**"No thank you." I muttered. My stomach twisted. And I curled up into a ball, silently begging for someone to end this.**

Maka: If I had thought to bring Soul, this would've ended a _long_ time ago.

**-Four days later-**

Subarashii: The sun implodes, freezing the world and ending all life on the planet.

**I was acting normal. But really I was on autopilot. I had nightmares every night.**

Subarashii: …Crona, come on, say something.

Crona: *no response*

**Thoughts in my head. Most telling me what cliff to jump off.**

Maka: Oh, good, my wish is going to come true!

**Every time someone touched me I jumped. I hated people touching me. I kept away from Soul too.**

Raven: I thought that would be automatic. I guess they wanted to clarify that this person wasn't _that_ stupid.

Subarashii: Honestly, you look up "idiot" in the dictionary, you know what you'll find?

Raven: A picture of her?

Subarashii: No! The definition of the word "idiot" which she fucking is!

**I didn't make any unnecessary contact. But in Professor Stein's classroom today I noticed something. He was doing a dissection class. I looked at Soul. And he leered at me, licking his lips in a suggestive way and smirked when I flinched. And when I looked at the poor mole strapped to the table, preparing for it's final breath, it hit me. I wanted to be that mole. Non-existent.**

Maka: Well, somehow I always knew Stein's class would be the death of me.

Raven: …*hugs Maka*

Maka: …Raven, wha-

Raven: Just shut up for a second, alright?

Subarashii: …well, this isn't awkward at all.

**I raised my hand.**

**"Yes Maka?" Stein enquired.**

**"Can I go to the toilet please?" I asked my heart set on what I was going to do.**

**"But this is the good bit." Stein sighed looking downhearted. "Okay if you must."**

Maka: Oh, great, Stein's character is messed up too. But I probably shouldn't be surprised by that, huh?

Subarashii: Sadly, no.

**"Thank you." I walked to the door. And I took one last look at my friends. Kid was carefully writing something onto his notes. Probably his name. Patty was making a elephant out of hers. Liz was carefully applying mascara. Black****Star was trying to get up onto the desk, possibly to shout that he was the greatest and how he would surpass god. Tsubaki was trying wrestling him back into his seat, but was failing miserably. Ragnarok was hitting Chrona. And Chrona was trying to fight him off. My heart clenched painfully when I saw him. I knew this was it. This would be the last time I would see him. And I had to leave the classroom quickly as my eyes had started to burn with the tears that where threatening to leak out.**

Maka: …all joking aside, you guys know I would never commit suicide, right?

Raven: Obviously.

Subarashii: Yeah. …Crona, if there was ever a time for you to speak up, it's now.

Crona: *non-responsive*

**-Chrona's POV-**

Subarashii: Oh, great, now we have POV leaping. That won't make this confusing at all.

**"Ragnarok..." I murmured.**

**"You saw it too huh?" He said.**

**"Yeah. W-why was she going to cry?"**

**"I don't know. But I think Shark-teeth did something to her."**

Subarashii: _No fucking shit, frog_!

**"M-maybe we should follow her."**

**"Into the **_**girls**_** bathroom? Are you insane?"**

**"Y-yes. B-but I'm wearing a dress so everyone c-confuses my gender." I pointed out.**

Maka: …you know what's sad about that?

Raven: What?

Maka: That actually does happen to him.

**Ragnarok laughed but very quietly.**

**"True. Put your hand up you pussy! Say you're goin' to the toilet." I did and Professor Stein didn't look to happy.**

**"Fine. Hurry up though! Or I'll dissect you."**

Maka: Seriously, it's like this person as no idea who Stein even is!

Subarashii: Or doesn't care enough.

**I walked very fast And as soon as I was out into the corridor I full out sprinted. I had a horrible feeling that Maka was in trouble. After bursting into the girls toilets I heard a short gasp of pain. And that voice belonged to Maka. I didn't hesitate.**

**"Maka! Open up!" I shouted. She didn't say anything. So I burst down the door. There she was holding a pocket knife to her wrists. A small amount of blood trickled from the open wound.**

Maka: And, of course, that's how I go out.

Subarashii: You mean how "Stupid Bitch" goes out.

Maka: Right. That's what I meant.

**And my heart welled with rage and worry. I wrestled the pocket knife from her hands as she wouldn't let go.**

**"Maka! Stop it!" And I don't know what happened. She started to sob. And she pulled herself onto my lap sobbing quietly into my chest. She was so warm. And I held her. I pulled her face up so her eyes met mine.**

**"Why did you do this Maka?" I asked softly.**

**"S-Soul r-raped m-me." She said in-between her sobs.**

Subarashii: Now, really, did plot convenience really demand that she tell him only, and only right at that moment?

Maka: Subarashii, if I really wanted a joke right now, I'd just follow you into the bathroom and watch you take a leak.

Subarashii: …I'm willing to forgive that since it was yet another quote.

**I snarled. I couldn't help it.**

**"That monster." I growled.**

Raven: That can't be the best he's got.

Subarashii: OK, I got a name for this guy! "Unwanted Stereotype".

Raven: Of what?

Subarashii: Of the two-dimensional Knight in Shining Armor protagonist who swoops in at the last minute and makes everything a-OK.

*TVTropes references: 16*

**And she sobbed some more. My heart was filled with rage.**

**"Remember what I said when the golem attacked us?"**

**"T-that you w-would p-protect me." She said.**

**"And that is what I will always do Maka." I promised. Her blood-shot green eyes looked met mine. And my heart filled with that feeling that was both uncomfortable and nice. Before shyness overtook me again I kissed her. She became ridged at first then relaxed into it. It was like I imagined. Her lips was soft and warm. And felt so good.**

Maka: …*gets to her feet* That. Is. Not. Crona. There is no way in any scenario that Crona would take advantage of me like that! I don't know who the hell this person is, but if he even tried to touch me at that precise moment in time, the first thing I could grab would be _removed from his body_!

Subarashii: Uh, Maka? Not to interrupt you when you're on a rant, but I think our Crona is broken.

Maka: Eh? *looks at Crona* Crona? Crona, what's the matter?

Crona: *no response*

Maka: *sits back down* Crona? Crona, it's me, Maka. Crona, come on, talk to me.

Crona: *no movement*

**When I broke the kiss off she took my hand. And squeezed it.**

**"I'll be back soon Maka. Just stay there." I told her.**

**"Why?" She asked.**

**"I have something to do." I walked away from Maka. Just then Ragnarok came out again, with that strange sound that sounded like 'guppi'.**

**"That... that... he's something but no words fit how disgusting he is!" Ragnarok growled.**

Maka: *glares up at Ragnarok*

Ragnarok: What? I'm not saying anything because I agree with him!

**"I know." I snarled darkly.**

**"Hey Chrona. You didn't stutter once there. You gonna go and kill him?"**

**"No that will hurt Maka's feelings."**

Maka: Are you kidding? If "Stupid Bitch" was anything like me, she'd be helping you kill him!

**"Fair enough. But we are gonna beat the crap outta him right?"**

**"Right." I said. And I wasn't going to hold back.**

Raven: Despite being an "Unwanted Stereotype", at least he's doing something right.

**YES! I've finished this chapter! Fight scenes, romance and somethin' unexpected in the next chapter. I may write four chapters of this. Maybe more. I haven't decided. So what do ya think? Good? Bad? Reviews?**

**-Jade.**

Maka: …you listening? Your mother sucks fucking big fucking elephant dicks. You got that?

Subarashii: Seriously, why can't I adopt you?

Raven: Probably something to do with messing up continuity.

/

I'm gonna have to cut it off here, because the second bit is going to be pretty damn long too.

I'll have it up soon.


	9. Story 5: Scandalous Part 2

Alright, here's the second part. Let's get this going.

Still don't own Teen Titans or Soul Eater.

/

**Violence! Violence! Violence!**

Maka: I swear, it's like she knows what I want!

Raven: If she did, you would've killed Soul in the first chapter.

Maka: …good point.

*** Excited face * Aw I'm getting excited over something I know what's gonna happen. I'm so sad. * Sits into corner of despair * Oh and thanks to everyone who reviewed. * Noms on Chrona cookie ***

Subarashii: Come on, Crona, make a comment. Like how you would've laced that cookie with arsenic if you knew she was going to eat it.

Crona: *non-responsive*

**-Chrona's POV-**

Raven: You mean "Unwanted Stereotype".

**As I sprinted into Professor Stein's classroom all I had on my mind was hurting the albino demon. I charged up to the row he was in and grabbed him by the shirt and threw him. He crashed into Stein's desk.**

Subarashii: Does this happen often at your school?

Maka: What? Fights, or needlessly complicated love triangles that include mishandled characters and end in rape?

Subarashii: The former.

Maka: All the time.

**"Ow. What was that for?" he crimson eyed teen asked.**

**"Oh I don't know. Maybe he did it to protect Maka. You know? After all you did rape her." Ragnarok said in a casual tone. Everyone gasped.**

Raven: I'm surprised she didn't add "dramatically" to that.

Subarashii: She does seem like the type to do that, doesn't she?

**Soul smirked.**

**"Oh. She told you about that." I snarled. How could he talk about **_**rape**_** like he was discussing the weather?**

Raven: You mean despite the fact that Ragnarok just did the same thing?

Ragnarok: Oh, now you're just nitpicking!

**Tsubaki then ran out of the room. Probably to check up on Maka.**

Subarashii: And we'll probably never see her again after this.

Maka: Lucky her.

**I just opened the palm of my hand.**

**"Lets go nuts Chrona!" My weapon/blood screeched.**

Subarashii: …say, Ragnarok, what exactly are you, anyway?

Ragnarok: You know, I don't think my creator knows. So how the hell would I?

**"You wanna die?" Soul asked, a broad grin on his face.**

**"Children please leave the classroom. This class is dismissed." Stein said.**

Subarashii: Does Stein just not give a shit? I mean, he just heard that one of his students raped another one, and he's just like "meh, whatever, everyone out, let these two fight to the death".

Maka: Actually, that last bit happens a lot more often than it should.

Raven: What, letting kids fight to the death?

Maka: Stein is a bit…odd. But he _would_ actually care that one of his students was raped, I can say that much!

**Soul transformed his arm into a scythe. The game kicked off.**

Ragnarok: Hey! Crona! You're getting your big fight scene! Don't you want to see you actually kick some ass for once?

Crona: *no response*

Ragnarok: *starts hitting Crona* HEY! You answer me when I talk to you, goddam-

Crona: *reaches up, starts choking Ragnarok*

Ragnarok: *choking noises* Ack…OK! OK! I give!

Crona: *lets go, curls back up*

Subarashii: …I'm thinking we should leave him alone.

Ragnarok: Oh, gee, ya fucking think?

**Soul made the first move. He charged. And I took the defensive position. Crap. He swung low, but he tripped.**

Subarashii: Weeeeeak.

**I leaped over him. I stabbed downward aiming to impale his foot. Soul kicked up blindly. He caught my knee. Shit! That hurt like hell. I hissed in pain. He then stood up. I charged I swung up high and when he ducked I changed my direction. He dived out of the way just in time. But he caught my leg.**

Subarashii: You know, I'd probably be more invested in this fight scene if I wasn't filled with the urge to shoot something.

Maka: Just the fact that two of my best friends are fighting because one of them _raped_ me is enough to make me want to kill everything I can get my hands on.

Raven: You mean "Unwanted Stereotype" and "Ron T.D. Eater" are fighting because the latter raped "Stupid Bitch".

Maka: That doesn't help much.

**"Oi Chrona! Aren't you gonna thank me? I did harden the black blood!" Ragnarok said.**

**"Uh thank you very much."**

**"Good. Now."**

**"BLOODY NEEDLE!" Droplets of black blood became solid. One of them caught Soul's thigh. He hissed in pain as the needle slowly stabbed into the flesh. As we swung at each other violently I noticed that Soul was looking at the wall. I snarled as blades clashed. We stayed there for a moment, testing our strength. Something was off. He wasn't trying. So of course, I won. He fell back and I stabbed his shoulder, making sure that I pushed down on Ragnarok slowly so that it would cause pain. That was one of the rules of torture Medusa-sa- I mean my mother told me.**

Ragnarok: …I ain't saying he's right, and I ain't saying he's wrong.

Crona: *zero response*

**A random thought invaded my memory. The kiss that me and Maka shared. I blushed. No! That's not the right thoughts to have when a now struggling boy is at the mercy of your blade.**

Maka: Are all Knight in Shining Armor stereotypes potential rapists themselves?

*TVTropes references: 17*

Raven: No, but that's certainly a direction one could take.

**I shook my head to clear my thoughts. Time for fighting now. I slowly took Ragnarok out of Soul's now gaping wound. Crimson blood flew out of his shoulder.**

**"Damn it!" He snarled. I looked down at him. And said something I hoped I would never have to say to him.**

Maka: There is so much wrong with this scenario that I don't even know where to start.

**Well until she told me what he done.**

**"You stay away from Maka." I said, "or I will kill you."**

Maka: Screw telling him you're going to do it, _just do it_!

**As I walked away I heard a noise. A sound of feet. And I felt the blunt edge of Soul's scythe. I felt a rush of air and a solid wall. I moaned as pain shot around my left side. This pain was unbearable. Well it didn't hurt as much as that time when I saved Maka from Medusa's vector arrow. That was agonisingly painful. But that pain vanished fairly quickly because I blanked out.**

Maka: …I think I'm going to be sick. I'm remembering a moment where my best friend almost died and it didn't actually happen for me. Or to me. Or him. Or-_whatever_! This is just…this is so wrong…

**"Chrona are you okay?" Ragnarok asked. And for the first time I thought I heard concern coat his voice.**

Ragnarok: Jesus Christ, I'm not _that_ heartless! I've been worried about Crona tons of times!

Raven: Because if he dies, you die, right?

Ragnarok: …go fuck yourself!

**"Yeah. Just... broke. A...rib." As soon as I stood up straight, red hot fire attacked. I grit my teeth. No. I won't lose. This is for Maka.**

**"Ragnarok..."**

**"You wanna?"**

**"Yeah."**

**"But it might make your rib worse."**

**"Like I care."**

**"Fine."**

**"SCREECH ALPHA!" I screamed and swung Ragnarok with all my strength, ignoring the pain shoot up my rib. It worked. Soul hit the ground. Hard. I hobbled over to him to check that he wasn't dead. Nope. His pulse was stable.**

Maka: GODDAMMIT!

**And with that I hobbled out of the room to find Maka.**

Subarashii: And when he found her, a 16-ton weight dropped on both of them and they died. The End. For the love of God, PLEASE let it be the end.

**-Two weeks later in Maka's POV-**

Subarashii: MOTHERFUCKER!

**Life for me has gotten a whole lot better. Chrona has moved in. I have a new weapon named Kagami.**

Raven: Oh, _of course_! As if things couldn't get bad enough, we have a crappy Mary Sue OC thrown in as well!

Subarashii: *sneezes*

Raven: Bless you. I thought I asked you to get that checked out.

Subarashii: I did! No one knew what the problem was.

**And she is awesome (Apart from the sarcastic jokes).**

Maka: I call bullshit to the nth degree!

Subarashii: *cries tears of joy*

**And Soul has been locked up in the dungeons of Shibusen.**

Maka: Why is everyone in this fic so fucking stupid?

Raven: And thus we have one of the eternally unanswered questions of life.

**Little did I know it would all go to hell in one day.**

Subarashii: More than it already has? That's certainly a feat.

**I was keep on throwing up.**

Maka: Doesn't sound so bad right now.

**So Chrona being the caring boyfriend he is, took me to see Nygus. Of course the moment was ruined when she broke the news.**

Subarashii: …no.

Raven: Eh?

Subarashii: She…she wouldn't…I know she's bad, but there's no way she'd…

**"Maka, you are... pregnant."**

Subarashii: …fucking Hell, she did.

Maka: *stunned silence*

*chair at the end of the row suddenly blows up*

Raven: …sorry. Though I'm now starting to get what you guys meant by "killing intent".

**My eyes widened with shock. Kagami said nothing but hugged me, looking livid. She cheered up slightly though when Chrona passed out.**

Subarashii: …seriously man, nothing?

Crona: *non-responsive*

Maka: Crona? Please, talk to me. Say something…you're starting to scare me, Crona.

Crona: *slight mumble*

Maka: Eh? *leans closer*

Crona: *mumbles again*

Raven: What'd he say?

Maka: …he said that he's sorry, he doesn't want to talk right now. And he doesn't want to be here anymore…

Subarashii: …Raven, when was the last time you wanted a person dead this badly?

Raven: I can safely say never.

**And then something else happened that same day. After I was still recovering from the shock that mine and **_**his**_** baby was growing inside of me, a shout of,**

**"HOLY SHIT!" Came from the sitting room.**

Raven: "I just realized that this entire fanfic is completely stupid!"

**"W-what?" Chrona stuttered, looking rather scared. I ran into the sitting room and glared at my weapon who was clutching the newspaper.**

**"What now?" I snarled. She gulped and shielded her head, expecting a Maka chop. She then said.**

**"Soul broke out of prison."**

**"EHHHHHH!" I yelled.**

Maka: See? _See?_ This is why you should've just killed him! BUT NO! Now this has to continue! As if things weren't bad enough already, what with "Stupid Bitch" being _pregnant_!

**I'm leaving it like that. So the main question now is, what's gonna happen? I'll give you a spoiler. The big man decides to make his way onto the stage... reviews are appreciated.**

**-Jade.**

Maka: I am going to kill you, and kill you, _and kill you_!

**YEAH! LOADS OF REVIEWS! * Head explodes with happiness ***

Raven: If only.

**Chrona: Should I-I do th-this Authors Note?**

Maka: …what the hell is this?

Subarashii: Oh God, it's when the author makes the characters read off the notes. Because apparently it's funny or something.

**Um p-please r-review and most questions from r-reviewers will be answered in this c-chapter... I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH AUTHORS NOTES! …**

Subarashii: See? Wasn't that just _fucking_ hilarious?

**-Maka's POV-**

Maka: "Stupid Bitch".

**Night fell. And I couldn't sleep. So I walked into the sitting room. And I forgot that Kagami was sleeping the sofa. And I sat on her head.**

Raven: Good, one less useless OC in the world.

Subarashii: *sneezes*

**"MAKA GET YOUR ASS OUTTA MY FACE!" She screamed from below me.**

Raven: Never mind, she's still alive.

Subarashii: Of course, Sue won't die that fast!

**I leaped up. Her aqua eyes where now closer to black. Oh shit. She's pissed off. One thing I've noticed with my new weapon. Her eyes darken or grow lighter to match her mood.**

Subarashii: And her eyes even change colours! Just like-

Raven: _Don't_! That'll just make things worse!

Subarashii: Oh, oops.

Crona: *non-responsive*

**"Hey you just gonna stand there?" She asked. I sat down not knowing where this was going.**

**"So the kid, you gonna keep it?" She asked. The weird thing is that was why I couldn't sleep. You would expect me to be more worried that Soul got out but, the kid... should I keep it.**

Maka: *face in hands* This won't end well, will it?

Raven: Does it ever?

**"I don't know." I replied.**

**"Maybe you should ask Chrona. But you see if I was you I would keep the child."**

**"Huh?" "Well a new life is on the way. Hell I'm sure your father would look after the baby until you get outta school. And becoming a Death Scythe can wait. And Chrona... I'm sure he will support your decision."**

Maka: Yeah, he probably would…except it isn't my decision, _it's yours you stupid fucking whore_! I knew this was going to end badly! The stupid self-insert Mary Sue's only real purpose here is to give a hamfisted explanation as to why a rape victim should keep her baby, and it's a fucking terrible one at that! I have never wanted to have telepathic powers more, because I would just love to be able to find where this bitch lives and _turn her into a fucking VEGETABLE_!

Subarashii: …Raven, you're a telepath, right?

Raven: I'm an empath. There is a difference.

**And with that she fell silent. My resolve kicked off. I would keep this baby.**

Maka: What a big fucking surprise! Yeah, I'll just give up my dreams of creating a death scythe and becoming a great meister, all so I can take care of a kid I got through rape! That sounds exactly like something I'd do!

**I'm gonna go and see Chrona. I walked into Chrona's room. He was sleeping in Soul's old bedroom.**

**"Chrona?" I called for him.**

**"M-Maka?"**

**"You know the baby?"**

**"Y-yes."**

**"I want to keep it."**

**"R-really Maka?" As Maka moved forward she noticed something. Chrona was grinning.**

**"C-can I be i-it's dad?" He asked. He hesitated before saying it. And tears of joy crept into my eyes. I dived at my boyfriend and we embraced.**

Subarashii: Again, sweet moment, but context ruins it.

Maka: No. Comment.

Crona: *no comment either*

**The moment was peaceful until,**

**"Chrona, that sounded so stupid! You little bitch! God it's hard to believe that your straight!" Ragnarok cackled**

**"MAKA CHOP!" I screamed and hit his head with the heaviest book I owned.**

**"Ow..." He retracted back into Chrona's back. I kissed Chrona and he blushed. I melted into the kiss. Chrona tasted sweet. Like a odd combination of strawberry and cinnamon.**

Maka: Subarashii? Shoot me. Right now. I can't take this anymore.

Subarashii: Ohhhhhh no. If I'm shooting anyone with this gun, it's gonna be me. You're on your own, kid.

Maka: …you would've made a sucky foster parent anyway.

**-A day later in Soul's POV-**

Raven: Oh, this can't possibly be good.

**Heh. Escaping Shibusen was no problem. Probably because the weakest guy told me that I knocked Maka up. Knocking him out was easy. I'll just finish the job by killing Maka. But when I think about it Chrona would be protecting her. To kill her maybe I should... Oh there is my first victims. A woman that looked like she was seventeen was with a man who was shouting at her. He was older than her. Who cares what they look like. I'm just gonna eat there souls anyway. I walked forward casually. Then when I got nearer I made a swiping motion with my arm. They didn't have time to scream. I smirked as I examined the pure blue souls. And then I ate them. They went down easier than kishin egg souls. I smiled again as I felt a little rush of power run through my veins. It was starting.**

Raven: And I hate being right.

Subarashii: Of course! If you're gonna make Mr. Eater a rapist, you may as well go all the way and make him a complete villain too!

*TVTropes references: 18*

_**And unknown to Soul the little demon in the black blood room grinned as the insanity dug deeper. It was impossible for Soul to return to sanity now...**_

Maka: …are you _fucking shitting me_? You mean to tell me that the only reason Soul is acting the way he is is because of the _black blood_? The same black blood that he dealt with for pretty much the entire series and nothing happened? And, if Asura and Medusa are supposedly dead, then why would it be getting _worse_? This has to be the most hackneyed bullshit excuse for anything I've ever heard in my entire life!

**-Black****Star's POV-**

Maka: Oh, great! Another one of my friends gets to act like an idiot! …more so than usual!

**I watched in disgust as Soul ate the souls. Human souls. I should kill him. I should rip his stupid head of his shoulders. But I can't. He was my best friend. Even though he raped Maka. Even though he has just killed two innocent people. So why am I not attacking him? Why? Why..." I started to feel a mix of emotions. I wanted to wring Soul's stupid neck. But just **_**can't**_**. I sighed and walked away. I would tell someone. Shinigami-Sama maybe. Or Maka. Wait. Maka has too much going on at the moment. Like she phoned not to long ago to tell us that Soul got her pregnant. Still I will tell Shinigami. I will.**

Subarashii: …Black*Star isn't so stupid that he'd just let Soul walk away, right?

Maka: Trust me, no one in our world is _that_ stupid.

**Sorry that I haven't updated in a while everyone! I had some stuff to do. Mostly a ton of homework.**

Raven: Go back to that. And never return.

**I think they will be about three maybe two more chapters of this. Later!**

**-Jade**

Maka: If I wish on a shooting star for her death, you think it will happen?

Subarashii: One can hope.

**Maka: The author is depressed.**

Maka: …fuck. No.

*** Points to the dead form of blackbloodbaby* Good. That what she gets for writing about me getting raped!**

Maka: Wow. Even "Stupid Bitch" realizes how bad this is.

**And she's feeling kinda guilty for the long update.**

**Soul: So uncool.**

Maka: …that was just to have him there, wasn't it?

Raven: I'm willing to bet yes.

**Maka: Anyway a certain anonymous reviewer, which we will not name has flamed her. STOP FLAMING HER! I SWEAR SHE'S ANNOYING ENOUGH WITHOUT GETTING ALL DEPRESSED! Anyway thanks to all of the reviewers who haven't flamed.**

Maka: And I'm reminded why her new name is "Stupid Bitch".

**Blackbloodbaby: Wait. Is that another Chrona cookie?**

Subarashii: Seriously, where is she getting these? And why hasn't someone filled them with arsenic already?

*** Noms on Chrona cookie then hugs DeadPoetsSociaty* Thanks!**

Maka: Another person I should be killing sooner or later.

**Oh and by the way character death is in this chapter. Don't hate me afterwards!**

Maka: Unless its my death, that ain't happening.

**PLEASE REVIEW! CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISIM APPRECIATED! JUST NO FLAMES!**

Maka: I guess she works for the National Bullshit Association!

Subarashii: I am…so proud…

*** Hugs everyone who has reviewed. * You guys are awesome, you know that?**

Raven: Get a disease.

**-Maka's POV-**

**What the hell? Soul is eating human souls! Black****Star told Shinigami who told me. But why? Was it my fault? Did I drive him insane? Was it too much for him to be around me? Is that why Soul raped me? Was that the reason?**

Maka: Really terrible writing. As evidenced by this little paragraph you just made, Stupid Bitch!

**"Why are you so quick to blame yourself?" A voice came from the doorway.**

**"Chrona?" I asked.**

**"Yes. M-Maka you can't be blamed for what he did to you."**

**"Can you read my mind?"**

Maka: …I think I need to cry now.

Subarashii: I'm still working on getting that time block set up.

**"N-no. You where speaking out loud.**

Raven: A logical explanation? In this fic? I am honestly shocked.

**Please stop blaming yourself. I don't know how to deal with it."**

Subarashii: And there's the token catchphrase. Solid writing there.

Crona: *non-responsive*

**"Oh." My hands balled up into fists. Right now Kid, Liz and Patty was out hunting down Soul. I really was useless.**

Maka: Got that right, Bitch.

**Then a crash came from outside. And swearing. I rushed to look out my window. There on the cement outside lay Kagami.**

**"Sorry! I'm trying to learn how to run up walls!" She shouted cheerfully.**

Raven: No one cares!

**"Why?" I asked. I wasn't interested. 'Who freaking cares. We're all gonna die anyway.' I thought.**

Maka: I am going to be sorely disappointed if you don't.

**"Uh I'm kinda used fighting without a meister so I trained a lot to fight on my own. This one of the few tricks I haven't learnt."**

Subarashii: Wow, Sue is just so cool!

**"But why? I mean you have a meister now. Me." I pointed out.**

**"Yeah. But I'll feel incomplete if I don't learn it." She tried again to scale the wall and failed. But her words stuck to me. Incomplete, eh?**

Maka: Why are you listening to the useless OC, goddammit!

Subarashii: *sneezes*

**-Soul's POV-**

**Finally. It was complete. I was a kishin egg now. I looked down at my new body. Four additional scythes on the side of my torso. Each was black and red. Looking in the mirror of my dead victims house, I saw my ruby red eyes glare back at me. My tongue was now jet black.**

Subarashii: Oh dear God, _he's gone emo_!

**And I smirked. I felt good. Like no one could destroy me. A feeling of power struck my body.**

**"I'm unbeatable!" I cried, unable to hold in this glorious feeling in my veins. I felt amazing. I smirked yet again, victorious.**

Raven: Yes, thank you, we get it, you're super-powerful now, can we move on?

**I then heard something. I whipped around and my eyes widened. There stood Death The Kid that had just climbed in through the broken window.**

Maka: …oh, hey, there's that sinking feeling we've been talking about.

**"Soul?" He asked as he took in my glorious new form. "Your arms are symmetrical. But your hair! IT'S RUINING THE SYMMETRY!"**

Maka: …and now I have the urge to hit my head against something until I can't think anymore.

Subarashii: I said that there should be trays installed on the seats for just such an occasion, but does anyone listen to me? Nooooooo!

**He screamed and I took this opportunity to strike him. I noticed with pleasure I could adjust the length of each scythe. Two of my scythes cut his sides. The Shinigami's eyes widened with shock and pain.**

**"KID!" The Thompson sisters shouted together. He fell. I stomped on his head, grinning. This was too easy.**

Maka: Yes, it is, _and it shouldn't be_! You mean to tell me Soul-sorry, Ron is that powerful now?

*TVTropes references: 19*

**Blood trickled from Kid's sides.**

**"I can't shoot." He whimpered. I giggled, unable to hold it in. This was **_**fun**_**. I enjoyed the way the beautiful red was flowing freely from his sides. Each trickle of blood brought pleasure. Kid weakly raised his weapons at my face. And his pinky fingers put pressure on the trigger. A sharp pain hit my face. The bastard just shot me. Anger flooded my body. I ran forward and kicked him in the face. The raven haired boy fell backwards. As I stood above him I wondered if I should kill him. I smirked. I think I should. I let the top left scythe grow towards his face. I grinned again and heard the lush tearing of skin. The squelch of blood. The strangled scream of Liz and Patty sobbing.**

Maka: …I hate everything.

Subarashii: I think that's been established by now.

**Those pesky sisters will die now. Well that was my initial thoughts. Patty had changed into human form.**

**"Liz." She whispered holding out her hand. Aww look at that! She's sobbing. How pathetic. A flash of pink light.**

**"Lets go Patty." She said. Aw she was crying too.**

**"DAMN YOU SOUL!" Patty screamed. She raised her sister and shot at me. I dropped to my knees to escape from getting shot. I stuck my foot out. Patty tripped but swung Liz around. She aimed her sister at me. Gunshot rebounded through the room.**

**"That was my foot, you bitch." I snarled. Patty got up and ran across the room. And to my horror she grabbed his **_**soul**_**.**

**"BITCH! I WAS GONNA EAT THAT!" I screamed after her.**

Maka: Haaaaaaaaaaate.

**Black blood flowed out of the bullet wound in my foot. Oh. So that was why I felt so good! My blood is now black! Bloody hell if I knew that earlier I wouldn't of fought it.**

Maka: _YES HE FUCKING WOULD HAVE_! Do you know anything at all about Soul? Or do you just not care enough because he's in the way of the people _you_ think should be together?

Subarashii: Aaaaaand she got it.

**What a waste of breath. I stood up painfully.**

**"**_**Yes Soul. You feel it don't you? The overwhelming power, you want more don't you?"**_

**"Little Demon?"**

**"**_**Yes Soul. Go on. Ask for my help. That wound above your forehead hurts doesn't it? So does your foot. Go on Soul."**_

**"Demon give me your help." I commanded. He giggled and said in a silky voice.**

**"**_**Sure."**_** The blood rushed to my foot and my stinging head. I felt it scab. And I felt much better.**

**"Now to kill Maka." I murmured.**

Maka: At this point, I welcome it.

**-Maka's POV-**

**"OW! GODDAMN IT!" Screamed a voice outside. Kagami's voice. Sobbing. Wait. Patty? Another sob. Liz. Shouting. Screaming. Low swearing. I put on my pink slippers and walked slowly outside. There stood Liz, Patty, Kagami and Chrona.**

**"Wha-?" I managed, my blood suddenly running cold.**

**"K-Kid i-is dead!" Patty managed.**

**"What?"**

**"KID IS DEAD!" Both sisters screamed at me.**

Subarashii: Apparently, Stupid Bitch is hard of hearing too.

**"No..." I slipped to my knees. Tears rolled down my cheeks. Kid was my friend. My dear friend. And he killed him. Soul killed him. I knew it. That was why Liz and Patty came here.**

**"IT WAS YOUR STUPID OLD WEAPON! HE DID IT!" Liz screamed at me.**

**"No... he couldn't of..." I murmured. He couldn't kill a Shinigami.**

**"Hey. Don't go blaming this crap on Maka." Kagami said. She said it calmly but every word was a threat.**

Raven: Oh, of course, the OC has to get involved. Because it's not like this is about the actual characters or anything.

Subarashii: *sneezes*

**WHO CAR-" Liz got no further. I expected my weapon but is was Chrona. He hit her. She fell. Unhurt but shaken.**

**"Y-you're upset. I-I know t-that. B-but stop blaming Maka. She can't be blamed for what **_**he**_** did." Chrona said. His voice was gentle but he looked pretty annoyed.**

Maka: …*leans back* Wow.

Raven: What?

Maka: I think I'm so angry at this that I've gone past pure fury and into being completely calm. Huh.

Subarashii: …that's more than a little creepy, kiddo.

**"Yeah! You can't deny you didn't deserve that!" Ragnarok screamed emerging from Chrona's back.**

**"Your right. Stop it sis." Patty said. She broke into fresh sobs.**

Subarashii: What The Hell, Heroes?

*TVTropes references: 20*

**"Have you told Shinigami?" Asked Kagami looking fairly worried.**

**"N-no." Liz said.**

**"C'mon. We'll go with you." Kagami said dragging the two sisters to Shibusen. "Oi. You two are coming with me." She snarled. I looked at Chrona and he looked at me.**

**"Fine." I muttered.**

**"I-I don't know how deal with that look in your eye." Chrona murmured, but dragged his feet along after Kagami.**

Raven: I honestly don't think I can take much more of this.

Subarashii: Frankly, I'm surprised we lasted this long.

**-Fifteen minutes later-**

Subarashii: Godzilla! If there was ever a time I needed you, it would be now!

**I wish I never went with them. I have never seen Shinigami look so devastated. He made a strangled noise and started to sob. Not normal sobs either. More like screaming while sobbing. I winced.**

Subarashii: I feel like doing that right now.

**Papa didn't look to happy either.**

**"He killed a Shinigami?" Papa asked his voice going sharp.**

**"I-it was because h-he got caught up in his symmetry..." Liz managed.**

Maka: …I take it back, I'm pissed off again. That has got to be the stupidest excuse to kill someone off _ever_!

**"Thank god... If he became strong enough to kill a Shinigami..."**

**"MAKA CHOP!" I slammed the book into his head. God was there any need to say something like that? Of course that idiot burst into tears.**

**"MAKA! PAPA LOVES YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING!" He screamed and ran out of the Death Room.**

Subarashii: …_I_ take it back. You're obviously not hard enough on the old man.

Maka: I'd like to think even he'd show some discretion in a situation like this.

**"I wonder how he will react when when you tell him you're pregnant." Kagami commented unable to hide a smile.**

Maka: …that settles it. I'm never having kids. In fact, when this is over, I'm getting my tubes tied.

Subarashii: *spittake* Shit, kid! Aren't you a bit young to be making that kind of decision?

Maka: I think after everything I've been through today, I'm entitled to one life-changing decision!

**Shinigami-Sama seemed to be able to speak now, even though heavy tears continued to flow down his mask.**

**"Now we have to find Soul." Shinigami snarled his voice filled with hatred and grief.**

**"Don't you think Maka is entitled to **_**her**_** revenge? Don't you think the one that deserves revenge more is her?" My weapon cut in smoothly, her eyes burning with determination.**

Raven: Sue, your opinion means nothing here. Kindly shut the hell up.

**"HE WAS MY SON!" Shinigami screamed at her. Kagami's sapphire eyes turned pitch black.**

**"HE RAPED HER! HE KILLED ONE OF HER FRIENDS! YOU DON'T THINK SHE IS THE ONE THAT'S GOT HURT BY HIM THE MOST? WHAT'S MORE HE WAS HER **_**WEAPON!**_**"**

Subarashii: LOUD NOISES!

Maka: …they're going to take Sue's opinion into account, aren't they?

Raven: Unfortunately, people always do. Despite being completely unlikable.

**She screamed at him. After some vicious arguing both weapon and Shinigami called it quits.**

**"You are right." They both sighed at the same time.**

Maka: …God. Fucking. Dammit.

**"So Maka gets to kill Soul?"**

**"No but you can beat him up, and drag him back here and then I will give you his soul when **_**I **_**kill him."**

**"Deal."**

**"Wait! Don't I get a say in this?" I cut in annoyance kicking in.**

**"Nope~" They both said together. I sighed.**

Maka: I never do get a say in these things…

**-Two days later-**

Raven: A meteor hits the city, wiping everything out. I'm practically begging here.

**CRASH! What the hell? Chrona looked up from his poetry.**

Raven: To reiterate: that would be less depressing than this.

Crona: *no response*

**Kagami who was in he kitchen swore. And her body came flying into the sitting room. She crashed into the TV.**

**"Ow. That hurt like hell." She hissed. She then pulled out a glass shard from her back, hissing with pain.**

**"Wha-?"**

**"Soul." She said simply. I held my hand out without a word. She smirked. And a dark black light filled the room.**

Subarashii: Of course the light is black! Despite knowing nothing about Sue, that completely fits her character! That's not even remotely clichéd!

**As the light reviled my weapon it also reviled Soul. But this wasn't the Soul I once knew. He smirked and licked his lips. With horror I noticed his tongue was jet black. As dark as Kagami in her scythe form.**

**"Hey. You just gonna stand there and stare or are we gonna attack him?" She asked. I glared at my scythe who, I noticed that the little wolf that is engraved on the blade was showing it's teeth.**

Subarashii: And she has a mood-changing engraving to go with her eyes! Naturally!

Raven: Why is it always wolves?

Maka: Got me.

**Well I didn't know the wolf changed to match her mood. I looked back at Soul who now had four blades, two on each side, out. Chrona murmured,**

**"he's not human any more. I don't know how deal with it."**

Maka: You mean despite the fact that he fights pre-kishins with me _all the time_? How is it Mr. Unwanted Stereotype suddenly turned into a complete wimp as soon as he got together with Stupid Bitch?

Crona: *nada*

**I charged. Soul smirked and all of his blades... grew? I brought Kagami across my body.**

**"Heavy..." She groaned as the blades pressed down on her.**

**"Scared Maka?" Soul asked.**

**"Shut. Up." I growled at him. Truthfully I was. My heart was pounding. Sweat fell down my face. He pushed a little harder on Kagami. I could tell if she was a normal weapon she would of snapped.**

Raven: I'm not even going to ask how she isn't a "normal weapon".

**"C'mon. You just gonna stand there and let him do that? Or are you gonna grow a spine and fight back?" Kagami asked.**

Maka: Oh, great, another Ragnarok. I can see why I teamed up with her.

Subarashii: Stupid Bitch, you mean.

**I could tell the pressure on her was getting too much. I spun her around and leaped backwards.**

**"Sideways go sideways!" She snarled. I leaped to the side**

**"What?" We asked together. The other scythes had grew to reach us.**

**"MAKA!" Chrona yelled.**

**"Stay out of this Chrona! This my fight!" I yelled.**

Maka: Oh, don't you even _try_ to act tough now! You lost your chance to be that a looooong time ago, Bitch!

**I wasn't gonna take it any more. He murdered one of my best friends and was just abusive, horrible and a monster. I wasn't gonna take it any more. I battled away the other scythes that tried to reach me. I swung Kagami down but one of the scythes moved forward.**

**"DROP MAKA!" My weapon screamed. I did as I was told. But protected my unborn child at the same time.**

Maka: Again. No kids. Ever.

**I moved my arms to the side and tightened my grip on Kagami as I swung her towards Soul's feet. He leaped over Kagami. I got to my knees and Soul had to change his position in mid-air to avoid getting sliced in half. I got to my feet and his four scythes came towards me. I gasped. Nothing would stop the impact. And black blood flew into the air.**

**"Chrona?" I managed unable to believe it.**

**"I'm okay..." He mumbled.**

Raven: Again, as unlikable as he is, at least he's doing something.

**"Hmpf. He stopped the impact huh? Always your prince charming. You know what I'm gonna do when I kill you Maka? I'm gonna rip off your head and carry it around with me. I'm gonna make it a little trophy you know? Yeah and when it decomposes I'm gonna drink from your skull." Soul smirked.**

Maka: Wow. It's like he knew what I want to do to the author. And Stupid Bitch. And Ron. And Unwanted Stereotype. And anyone and everyone involved with this monstrosity!

*TVTropes references: 21*

**My insides squirmed. With horror and shock.**

**"You talk too much." Kagami snarled. I was snapped out of the trance. Yeah I'm not going to succumb to fear again. And Chrona dragged himself to the wall looking like he was in intense pain. But he knew that I was going to be the one to take him down. I charged yet again.**

**"This isn't gonna work." Kagami snarled as I narrowly dodged a blade coming for me.**

**"What do you suggest?" I snarled.**

**"Soul resonance?" She asked.**

**"What! We can't do it! You have only practised it four times!"**

**"Time to learn." She replied. And we tried. A bunch of darkness attached itself to Kagami.**

Subarashii: Oh, I see! Sue is emo! Well, I guess that must mean emos are A-OK!

**"SOUL RESONACE! WITCH HUNTER!" A blinding flash. A choking sound. A crunching sound. A bang. Wait... As the smoke cleared it came apparent that we destroyed the wall.**

**"Well it's a wonder how the building stayed up." Kagami muttered, laughter in her voice.**

Subarashii: Wow! I guess Sue is really powerful!

**She took her human form and jumped over the rubble to check Soul's body.**

**"He's alive but only just!" She called. She then grabbed Soul. But I noticed something.**

**"KAGAMI GET AWAY FROM THERE!" I screamed. He has black blood. He could still kill us all. And we would die. Without a doubt.**

Maka: Stop getting my hopes up. I've long since given up on the idea that someone I _want_ to die will actually die.

**"OW" A scythe was sticking out of her left arm. Snarling she changed her right arm into a scythe and twisted her body sharply. She hissed in pain slightly as the scythe retracted. Her crimson blood flew onto the ground.**

**"What the hell is that? Black freaking blood!" She yelled.**

**"Hey! Chrona has black blood too!" I yelled.**

**"Yeah well he is decent!" Kagami muttered.**

Raven: …I got nothing. That was just a poorly written sentence.

Crona: *nothing as well*

**And she had to dive back to avoid a oncoming strike.**

**"LET'S DO THIS!" I yelled grabbing Kagami's hand. She smirked looking victorious.**

**"That's a healthy look in your eye!" She cheered. I charged at Soul. This time he will be defeated. I swung her around and she made contact with his side.**

**"Hmpf. Is that all? You are seriously uncool Maka." I couldn't cut through him.**

**"STOP WASTING YOUR TIME! JUMP BACK!" My weapon screamed. I did. The scythe just missed my head too. I heard Chrona breathe out in relief somewhere behind me.**

**"HURRY UP SHE-PIG! I'M GETTING BORED AND HUNGRY!" Ragnarok yelled.**

**"RAGNAROK!" Chrona yelped.**

Subarashii: Question: What the hell is the point of Crona even being there if he's not going to do anything? It's like the author just threw him in there because she liked the character. Or the pairing. Or hell, both.

Raven: I thought it was someone else's job to point out the obvious.

Crona: *zilch*

**I gasped as a oncoming scythe came towards me. I leaped but pain struck around my thigh. Shouting out in pain and fury, I leaped back.**

**"Can we kill him?" Kagami asked and for the first time she sounded worried. I grinned.**

**"Yeah I think so."**

**"Good, good." She muttered turning serious for the first time. "Listen this is probably gonna take a lot of power but... ah doesn't matter." She said. I didn't stop to question her. As I dodged most of the blades I noticed that a hand was slowly making it's way out of my scythe. And as I got closer to Soul the hand became a black clad arm. And Kagami leaned out of her scythe form and grabbed Soul, dragging him towards her, and then making sure that she was yet again a full scythe instead of half-human, half-scythe. He fell onto her, the squelch of flesh meeting blade rebounded. The tip of her blade produced from his gut. Black blood flew into the air. And his soul wavelength became so faint I could barely sense it.**

Subarashii: Oh, of course Sue is the one to deal the final blow! She's just that amazingly-*gets zapped by Raven*

Raven: That joke needs to die and stay dead.

**"Ah. It's over." I heard myself say. And then I sank to the floor and started to sob. A ray of black light filled the room and Kagami appeared in her human form. And even though he was horrible, he was still my weapon. And he was there for me. And even though he turned bad, the good times was still there. Even though my terror is gone, a new tear in my heart has appeared. And it will be there always. It will grow smaller over time, I know that. But it'll be there. A shadow over my dreams.**

Maka: *face in hands* Why can't this just end already…?

**But looking over to Chrona I know I'll never be alone.**

**"Hey you know what day it is?" Kagami asked suddenly.**

**"No." I said, my eyes felt swollen.**

**"Valentines day." She said. And grinned.**

All minus Crona: OF COURSE IT IS!

**"It hasn't exactly been romantic." I said.**

**"What's valentines day?" Chrona asked, his eyes half closed.**

**"Hey you could show him tonight." Kagami said, a wicked smile on her face.**

Maka: …*strangled scream*

**"MAKA CHOP!"**

Maka: Good idea! Raven! This is your chance to practice! Come on, I can take it!

Raven: Just take it easy, we're almost done. Just one chapter after this.

Maka: …what more do we need to do?

Subarashii: …I ain't saying it.

**-Two hours later-**

**Soul got executed by Shinigami. I didn't want to know about the details.**

Maka: _Bullshit A La Mode_! I want every single detail about Ron's death! I want to know how he died, how long it took before he died, how many screams he made, how many times he begged for mercy, _everything_!

*TVTropes references: 22*

Subarashii: Screw it, I'm moving to your world and adopting you. End of discussion.

**Chrona is patched up and fine. It only took an hour. Kagami is pleased because she has her first soul. Me? I'm not sure. I feel slightly relived. But more than that is the crushing sorrow.**

Maka: _What crushing sorrow_? Why are you not showing me dancing the Cancan on his grave?

Raven: Why the Cancan?

Maka: …it's the only dance I know.

**But I'm cuddled into Chrona and watching a film (10 things I hate about you)**

All minus Crona: GAG!

**and I know that I will be okay. Eventually. I know what will make me feel better.**

**"Hey Chrona." I said.**

**"Y-yes M-Maka?" He asked his head tilted towards me. I inched up and put my lips onto his. He stiffened and hesitantly kissed back. Yes. I will make it.**

Subarashii: I can't say the same.

Raven: Me either.

**A corny ending to this chapter I know.**

Raven: I think that's the least of your problems.

**I don't own 10 things I hate about you, may I add.**

Subarashii: No shit.

**But I'm sorry Kid! I had to kill you off! Don't hate me everyone!**

Maka: _You did not_! You made the conscious choice to kill him off, all because…actually, I have no idea why you killed him off! So basically, you killed off a character you supposedly liked for no fucking reason! Are you completely insane?

**But the next chapter.. will be the last.**

Subarashii: THANK YOU PIRATE JESUS!

Others: …

Subarashii: …shut up, there totally is a Pirate Jesus.

**But don't worry! It'll be good!**

Raven: No it won't.

**And filled with fluff.**

Maka: Fan-fucking-tastic.

**And I'm hoping for reviews. Reviews, like I said in the first chapter keep depression away! -Shot again-**

Subarashii: And stay dead this time!

**But I will see you in the next chapter!**

**-Jade**

Subarashii: FUUUUUUUUUU-

**This is the last chapter of Prison At Home. I would like to thank:**

**DeadPoetsSociaty,**

**CronaXMaka Forever,**

**Animewolfchick,**

**Oceane,**

**emily,**

**CronaX,**

**spixie303,**

**Leah,**

**CursedCupid,**

**Toorimakurai,**

**AlphaWolf,**

**Satashi Of The Muffins,**

**Purp1eM310dy,**

**MakenshiCrona,**

**roli,**

**Eneta,**

**sailor sofia,**

**FreeHugz767,**

**kimmybear,**

**DemonRaily,**

**hopelessromanticandie333,**

**mlkduds009,**

**soliar soul eater,**

**Death-Meister,**

Maka: Nice that she made a hitlist for me.

Raven: Want some help?

Subarashii: I got a spaceship. Great for cutting down on travel and has an intimidation factor.

**And you, if you have been reading this.**

**I love you all. I seriously do.**

Raven: The feeling definitely isn't mutual.

Maka: A-fucking-men.

*** Shares Chrona cookies from DeadPoetsSociaty around, then hugs everyone. ***

Subarashii: Oh, well, looks like our work is done for us.

Maka: Aww!

**It's my best fanfic I've wrote so far in my opinion.**

Raven: …I don't even want to know what else she's written.

**And everyone seems to of liked it. So thank you all.**

Subarashii: Again, this is the work of fangirls at its worst.

**As I slumped down onto the sofa after a hard day of training with my newly made Death Scythe Kagami. Smiling slightly I reached for a worn picture book which had so many photos in I couldn't believe the progress I have made in the past five years.**

Subarashii: Oh, great, timeskip. This can only mean something good.

**I started this scrapbook shortly after I sent Soul Eater Evens to Shinigami who executed him. The first picture was Chrona and me holding hands. Both of our hands had a gold ring on our ring finger.**

Maka: …*face in hands* I'm tuning out this next part, alright?

Raven: Noted.

**That was the day Chrona had proposed to me. I beamed as I remembered that moment.**

_**It was six months after Soul died. I had walked into the living room to find Chrona, who's blush was so deep, I was afraid that the shy swordsman would pass out.**_

**"**_**What's wrong Chrona?" I asked fearing the worst. He might be ill, bad news, I didn't know. He replied by taking out a small black box. My breath had caught in my throat.**_

**"**_**Maka would you marry me?" He asked. After the past few months, Chrona's confidence had sky-rocketed. But I had not**__**expected this.**_

**"**_**Yes! Yes, yes, yes!" I had screamed rather loudly. And then he passed out, with either relief that I didn't reject him or happiness. I will never find out.**_

Subarashii: It's amazing how she can create heartwarming moments that get botched by the context. …actually, no, it isn't, that shit's child's play!

**The next page showed my idiot Papa chasing Chrona, who looked terrified. We had told him the news that we where engaged. Smiling I remembered the way Papa had jumped up and snarled something about my independence. He was silenced with a Maka Chop.**

Raven: So I'm guessing you're never going to get married either?

Maka: I never said that! …I'd just never tell him. If, and that's _if_, I was going to get married, I'd probably elope.

**But what was on the next page was something I held dear to me. A small child was sleeping peacefully in my arms, she had a mass of blond hair. I was beaming at the camera, and on the small bed next to me sat Kagami and Chrona. Both had massive smiles on their faces. That child is my beloved daughter, Tsuki.**

Maka: …*face in hands* Tuning it out again.

Subarashii: Probably the best choice.

_**After four hours of intense pain, Tsuki was born. I have never felt such a strong love for someone in my life. But what completed the best scene in my life was everyone I cared about was next to me. Chrona, Kagami and Black**____**Star.**_

Raven: Wait, why Black*Star?

_**Well to be honest Black**____**Star was only there at the time because he started to date Kagami. But that was the best moment of my life.**_

Raven: …so it's Sue's fault.

Subarashii: Of course.

**I smiled as a lot of the others was my friends and Papa holding Tsuki with an extremely happy look on their faces. And as if I had called for her Tsuki ran into he room. She had inherited her fathers red eyes but she gets most of her looks from me.**

Subarashii: …let's just skip this one.

Raven: Good idea.

**"What are you looking at Mama?" She asked a smile on her face. I smiled at my four year old daughter.**

**"Pictures of you and other things."**

**"Like when you and Chrona got married?" Because Chrona isn't her biological father he wanted to be known as just Chrona. But he treats her like his own.**

Crona: *twitches*

Maka: …Crona?

Raven: …he's been listening the whole time, hasn't he?

Subarashii: This is all kinds of not good…

**"Yeah. And like when Kagami became a Death Scythe."**

**The next photo was mine and Chrona's wedding. The picture was us kissing. And the others was the after wedding party. Which was basically loads of our friends drinking and dancing. And one of my favourite pictures out of them was Kagami punching Spirit because he was practically hanging of Blair. She had started screaming,**

**'YOUR DAUGHTERS WEDDING? HAVE YOU GOT ANY SHAME?' Normally it would of annoyed me. But that was just plain funny.**

Maka: Would never happen.

Subarashii: …you wouldn't invite your own dad to your wedding?

Maka: Eloping, remember?

**"Why was Kagami hitting Grandpa?" Asked Tsuki.**

**"Uh, they where... joking around?" I said.**

**"So why was he crying?" Crap, think, think!**

**"Oh look! That's when I made Kagami into a Death Scythe." She looked at the photo, her eyes bright with interest. Well I avoided that one.**

Maka: Stupid Bitches shouldn't breed. Under any circumstances.

**The photo was me and Kagami shouting at the camera. That was one of my proudest moments. I grinned slightly. And then Kagami looked up from the book she was reading.**

**"Ah one of our triumphs. She just wouldn't die wouldn't she not?"**

Raven: Wow, you just love butchering the English language, don't you?

**"Yeah that witch didn't stay down."**

**"Oh Maka."**

**"Yeah."**

**"Do you know why I'm a living zombie today?"**

**"No."**

Subarashii: "Because my name is Sue!"

**"Well, as you know this house may have five rooms but the walls are really thin. And it doesn't help that my senses are heightened too," my eyes narrowed. I knew where this was going. "So please keep your noise from the night-time activities down."**

Maka: …Subarashii, please, shoot me now.

Subarashii: Once again, not for you, squirt.

Maka: HAAAAAAAATE.

**"MAKA CHOP!"**

**"Oww!"**

**"Serves you right." I growled.**

**"What's going on Maka?" Came Chrona's voice from the kitchen.**

**"Just Kagami being an idiot."**

**"Okay!" And this is my future. My child, my idiotic weapon and my beloved swordsman. Life does not get any better than this. And I know it.**

Maka: Oh, there are tons of ways my life could be better! Hell, I'd be happier if I was living in a sewer somewhere in the middle of New York City!

**The jokes I wanted to put in here... Well I didn't have the guts.**

Maka: And yet you supposedly had the guts to put in everything that you did. If I ever find you, I will feed you your fucking black, withered heart.

Subarashii: Hey, you even embellished the quote there!

**But now I can put the most hated yet loved label on this fanfic. Complete. It was fun.**

Raven: Only for you.

**And sometimes I felt like I was gonna tear my hair out.**

Subarashii: That's a bit more accurate!

**But I hoped you enjoyed it as much as I did.**

Maka: Not even remotely, you sadistic fucking bitch.

**And the next fanfic I write will be Chrona X Maka.**

Maka: Of course it will! Because apparently you haven't fucked with our lives enough!

**And about what if Maka did fall into insanity.**

Maka: Already there!

**It will be good. But it will be female Chrona.**

Crona: *twitch*

Subarashii: …just a little longer, it's almost done.

**And if you liked this, I think you will like that one.**

Raven: So when should we organize the riot?

**Just look out for it okay? Thank you again.**

**-Jade.**

Maka: In closing, gooooooo fuck yourself!

/

Surprisingly, the first person to their feet after the story was finally over was the one who moved the least throughout the whole thing.

Crona was standing in front of his seat, facing downward, preventing his eyes from being seen. He was shaking furiously.

"W-Would you a-all exc-cuse me f-for a m-moment?"

Without waiting for an answer, Crona marched past Subarashii and headed up the stairs, walking as fast as he could and leaving the theater, door swinging shut behind him.

Both Subarashii and Raven stared at the back of the theater, worried about him. They turned their attentions back to Maka, however, as she was facing down as well, hand over her face.

"Maka…?" Raven cautiously asked.

"How…how do you guys put up with this?" Maka replied.

Raven sighed. "Well…to be honest, this is the first time we actually have one of the…er, people a story is based on here with us. This is just as new to us as you."

The captain grinned slightly. "And hey, for what it's worth, you did a good job, kid. You hung in there with the worst of it and you still managed to cut loose and let the enemy have it."

Maka rubbed her eyes. "That doesn't make me feel better, you know…"

Both the captain and Raven frowned, wary of what to say next. Maka sighed, leaning back in her chair, eyes closed.

"I am going to need some serious therapy to get past this."

Raven winced. "Um…that's sort of the problem…"

Maka sat up, looking at Raven. "What do you mean?"

The captain sighed. "You can't tell anyone what happened today."

Maka's head whipped around to glare at him. "Why in the hell wouldn't I tell someone-"

"No, I mean you literally can't tell anyone." the captain interrupted, hands held up in front of him. "If you try to tell someone, you just…won't be able to. Believe me, we've all tried, and we can't do it."

Maka blinked, turning to look at Raven, who simply nodded in reply. After a few seconds, Maka jerked her thumb at where Crona had run off to.

"Is…is that why Crona didn't-"

"I'm sure he wanted to tell you, Maka." Raven interjected. "But he's stuck in the same position as the rest of us. What happened today, and every day here, will remain a secret among those present."

Maka stared at Raven for a moment, before slowly facing the screen. She lowered her head, placing both of her hands on the sides of it. The captain leaned forward, fake grin on his face.

"Hey, hang on! Maybe it's not so bad! Now that you're involved, maybe Crona will be able to tell you everything! So you won't be in the dark anymore when it comes to this!"

Maka didn't give a response for a short while. Without moving, she spoke.

"My sense of reality was completely shattered. I witnessed two of my best friends become rapists, the only difference being methods and that one of them succeeded. I got pregnant from the rape, and kept the baby. I let a total stranger into my family. I killed my former partner. One of my friends died. And above all else, they all acted like total idiots. And now I can't tell anyone."

She slowly raised her head, eyes looking tired and defeated.

"I don't know how to deal with this, guys…"

Before either of them could make a move to help Maka, they heard Crona scream for the second time that day. The only difference was that this was a scream of pure, unfiltered rage.

The scream was followed by a large explosion, causing three heads to swing around to see the effects. The twin doors were blown off the hinges, flying across the room and hitting the wall opposite, sliding down to land on the floor at the bottom of the stairs.

And standing in the doorway was Crona, already breathing heavily. Ragnarok was in his sword form, and Crona's grip on him was unrelenting. Crona marched down the stairs, moving almost as fast as he did when he ascended them. When he reached the bottom, he cast a sidelong glance at Subarashii, uttering three words.

"Name. Of. Author."

The three were taken aback by Crona's sudden reappearance, but before any of them could answer, the screen lit up again, displaying the name Crona had asked for.

_blackbloodbaby_

Almost as soon as it appeared, Crona did something very unexpected: he leapt up onto the table in front of the screen, glaring at the name. The three others stared at Crona, not knowing what was going to happen next. After a moment, Crona began to speak.

"…you mentioned emotions in your story. Anger. Hate. Shame. Fear. Oh, trust me, I felt those and more while I sat here, listening to what you wrote. Listening to what my friends had to say about it. I felt angry at you for writing it, and rest assured, I definitely hate you. I felt ashamed for dragging Maka into this, and guilty for wanting her to be here all the same. But most of all, I am very afraid. I know in my heart that this could never happen, but that won't stop the nightmares. That won't stop my mind imaging this scenario and worse ones over and over and over again."

Crona grit his teeth, glaring at the screen, eyes filled to the brim with anger.

"But do you want to know why your story will never happen? Black*Star is not an idiot! He may be a braggart, and he may be annoying, but he would never be so stupid to let a monster run amok! Tsubaki is a caring, kind individual who deserves to be noticed! Kid would never let his obsession get the better of him when lives are at stake! Liz and Patty would never turn on their friends if he got hurt! Professor Stein does care about us! Lord Death wouldn't let some no-name go after the one who killed his only son! And despite his flaws, Maka's dad would not be so insensitive!"

He then held up three fingers. "But there are three people in particular that you hurt the most."

He curled two fingers back. "The most obvious was Soul. You turn him into an abusive, rapist bastard all because he isn't the one you wanted to be with Maka. And then you have the _nerve_ to use the excuse that the black blood is making him the way he is! I have had to deal with the black blood _my entire life_! Even now, I'm just a few seconds away from giving in and going completely insane! And even then, I would never, _ever_ become a rapist! So what makes you think Soul would? Someone who has shown more willpower than I can ever hope to show! Did you not see the first chapter/episode? What was it he said? "Cool guys don't cheat"? If he wouldn't cheat on someone, _why the hell would he rape them_?"

He uncurled another finger. "The next…was me. I am a lot of things. I am damaged. I am timid. I am someone who is on the brink of insanity every day. But what I am not is someone who would take advantage of a rape victim's emotions, especially not just to satisfy my own desires! I am seriously surprised you're such a fan of mine, because if you think that's what I am, you apparently have a very low opinion of me!"

He uncurled the third finger. "Most important of all…" He then moved his hand back and pointed at Maka, his face still glaring at the screen. "Was her. You turned Maka, the one person I care about above all else, the strongest person I have ever been lucky enough to meet, into a weak, whining, idiotic, spineless moron! You were so wrong when it came to who she was that I honestly wondered if you did it on purpose! You made it so she had to rely on everyone else, whether it be me or your stupid unneeded character! I can't even begin to imagine what Maka would actually do in a situation like you presented to us, but I can tell you this much: Fifty percent of the time, if anyone even _thought_ of doing what you did to Maka, she'd kill them! And the only reason she wouldn't have killed them the other fifty percent, WOULD BE BECAUSE I GOT TO THEM FIRST! You stupid, incompetent, incoherent, selfish, petulant, _BITCH_!"

With a roar, Crona raised Ragnarok above his head and swung, cutting through the screen like butter. He swung again and again, punctuating each cut through the cloth with another scream, taking out every frustration he had gathered through the day out on it. None of the others made a move to stop him, no one knowing what would happen if they did.

As more and more of the cloth fell away, Crona saw it: the camera. They had always suspected there was one there, but now it was in plain sight. His anger and frustration not gone yet, he reached forward and grabbed the camera. Pulling with all his might, he gave a yell and yanked the camera out of its spot, sparks flying from the ripped cords. Without a second thought, he turned to his left and threw the camera across the room. It landed in the far side of the room, but Crona leaped after it, not done yet.

Landing in front of the camera, he began hitting it with Ragnarok, again and again, sparks flying everywhere. Each flash of electricity flying off of the remains lit up Crona's face, teeth grit, eyes blazing with anger. Soon, the hits would be followed with screams.

"Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid die die die die die diediediediedieDIE!"

He stopped for a moment, staring at the wrecked metal that used to be a camera. He raised Ragnarok again, and with a final "_DIE_!" he swung, smashing his sword into the mess.

For a few moments, all that could be heard was Crona's heavy pants, still shaking slightly after what had happened. Soon, Ragnarok transformed back into his normal state, sticking out of Crona's back.

"…holy shit, dude."

Crona made no movement to respond, and Ragnarok decided to go back into his body. More panting from Crona, which slowly became more frantic as he began to realize what he'd just done.

_Oh dear God…I just proved that I'm still insane…it's over. No one's going to want to talk to me now…no, no, don't panic…maybe if I apologize…_

Crona took a very deep breath, then let out a long exhale. He slowly turned to face the others, already imagining what their expressions would be.

"H-Hey, you guys, I'm really sorr-EEP!"

He was cut off by contact with Maka. He hadn't seen her get to her feet, nor did he see her slowly walk over to him, and wasn't ready for her to dash forward and wrap her arms around him in the tightest hug she'd ever given him.

"M…Maka?"

Maka gave a mumble, face buried in Crona's shoulder. For a moment or two, Crona stood there, completely dumbfounded and without the slightest clue of how to respond. Slowly but surely, however, he awkwardly wrapped his arms around her, returning the hug.

The two stood there for a short while, Crona enjoying the contact as much as he could. After a short while, Maka pulled away, rubbing her eyes slightly. The movement was not lost on Crona.

"Maka? Were you-"

"You know what I could use right now?"

Crona blinked. "Eh?"

Maka smiled, grabbing onto one of Crona's hands. "A big ice cream sundae. Come on, let's go get a couple."

"You…eh?"

Maka turned and started walking, bringing Crona along behind her. She looked at the others as she started heading up the steps. "It was nice meeting you both! See you again sometime!"

Crona looked around, no idea how to respond to this. As they headed for the doorway, he looked back at the others and gave a short goodbye. "Uh…see you guys later!"

And with another gentle pull out the door, the two were gone.

Subarashii and Raven sat in silence, both still staring at the doorway. After a while, they looked away from it, and then turned to look at the other. A few more moments of silence, soon broke by Subarashii's grin.

"Now do you see why we need a studio audience?"

Raven blinked, then sighed, rubbing her eyes. "You bring this up now?"

"Oh, come on! You can't deny that it would've been awesome! I can guarantee the two of them would've got a standing ovation after that!"

"What, just for a hug?"

The captain got to his feet, pointing at the damage Crona caused.

"A hug after an epic rant, public property destruction, and a hug that indicated the growing relationship between two friends! Yes, it would've got a standing O!"

Raven tilted her head slightly. "I have to admit, Crona's reaction to all of this was…surprising, but not entirely unexpected."

The captain blinked, turning to look at Raven. "You really think so?"

"Well, yeah. Think about it: if you and your friend just suffered what they went through, would you just let it go? And when you take into consideration just how much Crona depends on Maka…"

The captain sat down again, looking back at the doorway. "They really are close, aren't they?"

"It's just what friends do. Even if they don't need it, they look out for one another. They defend one another. And if worse comes to worse, they fight for one another. That's what they do."

The captain allowed a small smile to come over his face. It didn't last though, quickly vanishing as he came to a conclusion.

"…that son of a bitch!"

He got back to his feet as Raven turned her head, clearly confused. "Who?"

"The guy who set us up! He planned all this from the start!"

"…yes, we know, we established that right away."

"No, I mean this part! Crona's reaction and the aftermath! He had to have known this was going to happen!"

Raven blinked. "How do you figure?"

"You said it yourself! "Friends look out for other friends". He had to have known one of them would do this if they both saw it!"

Raven frowned, slowly standing. "Don't you think you're being a bit paranoid?"

The captain blinked. "…I thought you were the one most suspicious of this guy."

"Well…I am, but he's not that manipulative…"

Raven looked down, thinking for a moment. She raised her head again, giving a somewhat hopeful "Is he?"

The two stared at one another for a few moments, before the captain turned and made for the stairs.

"I have to tell them."

Almost immediately, Raven cried "NO!" and used her powers to yank Subarashii back, pulling him close enough to her for her to get in his face.

"You cannot tell them! You know as well as I do what they've both been through, Crona especially! He's earned this. He needs this. We have to let him be happy. We cannot take that away from him. We simply can't."

The captain glared at Raven. "You know that this isn't right!"

"You don't even know if he's responsible! This could just be a coincidence!"

"You don't believe that!"

The two scowled at one another for a short while, before Raven slowly let go of him, letting him readjust his jacket.

"Subarashii, promise me you won't do anything unless we know for sure what actually happened today." Raven asked him.

The captain frowned, wanting to tell her off and run after them. But he thought of just what that would do, telling two people created by an author that someone else entirely was manipulating them. He didn't like the outcome.

"…alright. I promise."

Raven breathed a sigh of relief as the captain turned to look at the destroyed movie screen.

"Still…you have to wonder if there will even be a point to coming back."

Raven looked at the destroyed screen as well, and privately felt thankful for it. For a thought had entered her head that she dare not speak aloud, for fear of making it a possibility.

_If it happened to them…could it happen to me_?

/

Holy shit, thank God that's over! That was the most agonizing chapter I've had to write so far.

I'm gonna need a breather after that, but I'll still take fic suggestions and questions for the characters for the next chapter.

Also, I do plan on bringing Maka back in some way in the future. So, if you have a question you want to ask her, send it to me directly (not in the review) via a private message or my e-mail.

With that, I'll see you around.


	10. Story 6: Neverending Fetch Quest Part 1

OK, now that I've had my little break, it's back to the salt mines!

This fic comes recommended from…someone. No name was given, for some reason. They know who they are.

And here…we…go.

/

Raven never liked to admit when she was feeling an emotion. Admitting your feelings meant you could easily be controlled by them, and in her case, that was always a bad thing.

But just about anyone could tell that she was incredibly nervous.

Not that she could be blamed. She was already on edge after the events of last time, not to mention the implications of it, which led to the gnawing fear in the back of her mind. (Not that she would show it) But it was more concern for Crona that led to her nervous mood.

Not only was his reaction last time so…Raven couldn't even think of a word for it. It was shocking, scary, exciting, and wonderful all at once. It was good that Crona got to show just how he felt, rather than just curl up and hope the problem went away. A part of her was almost envious of him for being able to do that. But still, after what he saw, it seemed highly unlikely he would return.

Especially if Maka asked him not to. Raven knew all too well how much Crona depended on Maka. If she asked him not to come back here, he wouldn't. No questions asked. Not that Raven could blame Maka for asking that of him, if she had. They both went through an ordeal Raven couldn't even begin to comprehend, and if she herself had experienced it…she honestly didn't know what she'd do.

So, in short, the thought that made her so worried was the thought that she wouldn't see her friend again.

They hadn't known each other for very long, but Raven still felt a small friendship budding with the swordsman. She wasn't entirely sure why, even though she had tried to figure it out. She initially thought it was just curiosity, but that had changed after last time. She now knew everything about Crona. She wouldn't say that she knew him _better_ than he knew himself, but she liked to think she knew him as well as he knew himself.

Perhaps it was pity. Or sympathy. After all, they weren't so different. They'd both been through troubling ordeals. They were both outcasts, in their own way. They both had serious parenting issues, to say the least. And they were both fortunate to have found friends who cared for them. Maybe it was more a kinship than anything else.

Whatever the case, Raven was not in a good mood. Her nervousness was not helped by the fact that she had been the first to arrive that day. She had always come in to see Crona patiently waiting for them, and this time, he wasn't there. This only made her suspicions that he was gone for good all the more plausible.

And what was about to happen next would only make things worse.

_WHAM_!

"Yoho!"

Raven's head whipped around to watch Subarashii come down the stairs. _He's not supposed to be here yet. Why is he here already?_ she wondered.

The captain came to a stop at the end of the stairs, grin already on his face. It quickly disappeared when he noticed that Crona was absent from his normal seat. He looked over at Raven, already worried. "Where's Crona?"

Raven closed the book she was holding. "I…don't know." She was more than a little surprised at the weakness in her voice.

While she often made fun of the captain for a lack of brainpower, he wasn't a total idiot, as he did catch said weakness. He walked over to Raven, flashing a fake smile.

"Hey, I'm sure there's nothing to worry about! He's probably fine, just running a little late, is all!"

Raven sighed. "I am not worried. Really, I'm not."

The seat at the end of the row gave a loud creak. Subarashii blinked as he saw the chair move.

"Uh…didn't you destroy that last time?"

Raven turned to look at the chair. "Oh…right." She then turned back to the captain. "You didn't notice?"

"Notice what?"

Raven simply pointed at the large movie screen, which Subarashii turned to look at. His jaw slowly fell as he saw what had happened.

The screen was perfectly fine. There wasn't a mark on it, as though Crona had never attacked it to begin with. The camera that he had yanked out before was gone from where he left it, presumably taken away and replaced or back from whence it came. It was as though last time never happened.

The captain simply stared at the screen, dumbfounded at how untouched everything was. Raven frowned.

"You seriously didn't notice when you came in? Or notice the fact that you were able to kick the doors in again?"

The captain looked at Raven. "I just assumed they fixed them. I didn't expect them to perform some time-travelling magicky stuff to make it exactly the same as before!"

Raven sighed. "Well, what did you expect? For them to just leave it like it was? How would we do any reviews then?"

The captain tilted his head. "I'm more surprised by the fact that they expected us to come back."

"But you did anyway."

"So did you."

The two stared at one another in silence for a few moments. Soon, the captain shook his head.

"Anyway, the point is, I'm sure he's going to be here. He's probably just busy with something. Hell, he's probably on a date."

Raven blinked. "Whoa, what? Why would he be on a date?"

The captain stared at Raven for a moment as though she'd grown a second head. He then sighed, rubbing his forehead.

"Did…did you completely miss what happened? Am I the only one who noticed how Maka was all over him? You seriously think they _wouldn't_ be going out?"

Raven glared at the captain. "First of all, it's not any of your business to begin with. Second, they could just as easily be closer friends, and nothing more."

"Oh, yeah, that makes perfect sense. "Hey, I just destroyed public property while proclaiming how awesome I think you are. Let's stay friends." Please tell me you don't actually believe that."

"You know, you're sounding a lot like a rabid fanboy right now."

"OK, that was just low. Besides, if nothing else, it lends credence to my theory."

Raven raised an eyebrow. "And how's that?"

"Well, in either scenario, Crona's happy. Maybe that's what this guy wants, and thought that this was the best way to go about it. Doesn't make it right, but it makes sense."

Raven frowned. "And just why would he want Crona to be happy?"

The captain looked down, hat obscuring his face. "Considering what we both know…"

Raven looked down as well, understanding what he meant. She had said it herself: someone who had been through what Crona had been through deserved to be happy. Maybe their host felt the same way. How making him go through worse made any sense was beyond her, but it was possible that was his motivation.

The captain looked back up, shrugging his shoulders. "Either that, or we've got a Shipper on Deck."

*TVTropes references: 23*

_Wait, how the hell?_ Raven thought as the captain took his seat. He laid back, staring at the ceiling.

"Point being," he continued. "he'll be here in short order. He's not going to just abandon us right away. He'll show up and we can ask him ourselves."

Raven turned to glare at the captain. "You. Will. Not. If, and that's _if_, there's anything true about your theory, you will leave him alone about it. It's none of our business, and we are not going to make him feel awkward about it."

The captain blinked. "Alright, alright. Geez. If I didn't know better, I'd say you sounded a bit annoyed at the concept of him dating Maka."

Raven sighed, rubbing her temples. "Could you please stop daring the crack shippers to come after us?"

"Sorry."

After that, the doors opened again, and they could hear footsteps coming down the stairs. The captain got to his feet, slowly turning to look at Crona.

"See? He's fine! I told you he was just a bit…late?" he started, before trailing off as he saw their friend.

Raven didn't think she'd see the day, but there was Crona…_smiling_. Not a big, wide smile like the captain typically had, but a small, happy smile. And even that was a rarity for Crona. Just about anyone could see that he was in the best of moods, but to Raven, he was literally radiating happiness. Suffice to say, Crona was the happiest he'd ever been, which was pretty much the exact opposite of what she'd expected.

Not to mention, she could swear she heard him _humming_. That was definitely something new.

Crona stopped at the bottom of the stairs, smile still on his face as he waved at the others.

"Hi guys!"

Both Subarashii and Raven simply stared at Crona, dumbstruck as he grabbed the letters off of his seat and sat down. He just sat there (Raven knew for sure now that he was humming), letters on his lap, before looking at the other two, who were still staring.

"…what?"

Raven blinked, shaking her head slightly. "Uh, sorry…it's just…wow, you're in a good mood, Crona."

Crona smiled again, face blushing slightly. "Oh, was it that obvious?"

"…yes, actually."

The captain sat back down, still in disbelief. "To be honest, dude, we thought you'd be a bit more…down. All things considered…"

Crona looked at Subarashii. "Oh. That. Well, y-yeah, I was pretty…down, about that…" he answered, before smiling again. "But the past few days have made up for that."

Raven blinked. "The past few days?"

Suddenly, that familiar _splortch_ was heard, and Ragnarok came bursting out of Crona's back, hands on his head.

"AAAAGH! ShutupshutupSHUTUP! We finally get five minutes away from her and what's the first thing you do? Fucking talk about her! Don't you want some frickin' breathing room?"

Raven raised an eyebrow. "Her?"

Ragnarok whipped to face Raven, reaching forward and grabbing her cloak to get closer. "Oh God, it's like I died and went straight to Hell! Every minute of every hour of every day, there she was! If she went somewhere, he followed! And if he went somewhere, she was there too! They just wouldn't leave each other alone! And when we go to bed at night, he won't shut the fuck up about her! I can't take this shit anymore!"

The captain blinked, then leaned towards Crona, grinning widely. "Soooooo, I'm guessing you've started hanging out more with Maka?"

Crona let out a slight "heh", blushing with a smile on his face. The captain jumped to his feet, arms raised above his head.

"I KNEW IT! I so freaking told you, Raven!" he crowed, before marching back and forth in front of their seats, chanting "I told you so" over and over in a mocking tone. Raven was fuming by the time the captain returned to his seat, leaning over to talk to Crona.

"So, come on! Spill, man! What'd you guys do all week? How far did you-"

_WHAP_!

The captain was silenced by a book flying at his face, knocking him out of his chair. Crona looked up to see Raven out of her chair, teeth grit as she brought the book back with her powers. Crona titled his head.

"Still working on that?"

Raven sighed. "Yes. How does Maka do it, anyway?"

"Trade secret."

The captain grumbled as he got back to his seat. "Fine, fine, tell me later, whatever."

Raven glared at the captain while Ragnarok swiveled around to look at him. "You're gonna make me go through all that _AGAIN_? You enjoy this, don't you? You enjoy torturing me, right, you sick fuck?"

The captain grinned. "Oh, you have no idea, frog."

Ragnarok was screaming incoherently, frantically reaching for a just-out-of-reach captain while Raven gave up and opened her first envelope.

_1 this is for all of you but dierected mainly at you. that remark you made last time about reading a fang/angel fanfic was taken as a challenge. how does that feel?_

"It makes me feel like putting you into a nightmare from which you will never wake. Again, _do not send us a fic like that_."

_2 what's your favorite book?_

Raven stared at the letter, dumbfounded. "…did you completely miss last time? You know, where I was asked the exact same question and couldn't answer? Did you miss Maka commenting on the same thing? And the captain's sarcastic remark?"

The captain blinked. "You heard that?"

"You weren't exactly subtle about it."

_3 you have won a vacation to wherever you want to go but you have to take cyborg or starfire who do you take and why?_

"Probably Starfire. I have a feeling she'd miss me a bit much if I left without her."

She placed the letter beside her, picking up her other envelope. "Seriously, how do they know about Cyborg and Starfire?"

The captain shrugged. "Maybe you have stalkers?"

"Oh, great, thanks for that wonderful thought, Subarashii."

"My pleasure, kiddo."

_Would you rather watch sunrise or sunset?_

"…good question, actually. I think the more romantic sort of people watch sunsets, so sunrises, I guess."

_Chocolate or Vanilla?_

"Vanilla. No reason why, just prefer it."

_What 3 things can always be found in your refrigerator?_

"Tofu for Beast Boy, some weird Tamaranian creation made by Starfire, and that blue stuff we haven't figured out yet."

Crona grimaced. "That doesn't sound very healthy…"

"This is what happens when you live with four other people and we're all teenagers."

_Do you make your bed daily?_

"Well, yeah. Who else would?"

_Have you recently bought something you didn't need?_

"Hmm…not that I can think of. I'm not much of a shopper."

The captain rolled his eyes. "Gee, I had no idea."

"Oh, shut up."

_Do you have friends you've lost touch with?_

"…depends on your definition of "friend", I suppose…"

_Have you ever talked to yourself?_

"Whenever I want to have an intelligent conversation, yes."

Raven noticed the slightly hurt look on Crona's face. She sighed. "I'm just kidding, Crona."

Crona blinked, then smiled as he opened his first envelope.

_This is starting to get a little creepy._ Raven thought to herself.

_can you tell maka i'm sorry about what you guys had to endure this time?_

"Um…OK? I'm sure she'll appreciate it…"

_what's your favorite soda?_

"Coke Zero. Don't really know why…"

_i feel terrible for that one question i asked do you forgive me?_

Crona sighed as he folded up the letter, placing it aside and opening the other envelope. "I guess…"

_What's your favorite color(s)?_

"Yellow, actually."

The captain snickered a bit. "Gee, I can't imagine why…"

_WHAP_!

_Have you ever skipped school?_

"Oh, once or twice…for…certain reasons…"

_Coffee or Tea?_

"I don't really drink hot drinks…but tea, I guess…"

_Have you ever slept past noon?_

"I don't think so…I don't really sleep much."

_Have you ever looked for shapes in the clouds?_

"Just the other day, actually…"

Crona then slowly developed a wide smile, eyes closing as he let out a _very_ happy sigh. "Cloooouds…"

The captain was exercising all of his effort to not burst out laughing.

_Who makes you laugh the most?_

Crona simply closed his eyes again, letting out another happy sigh. He then let out a giggle. "Gaoooooo…"

The captain grinned. "Dude's got it baaaaaaaad…"

_Are you right handed or left handed?_

"Right. I tried swinging Ragnarok with my left hand once…it…didn't end well…"

The captain simply chuckled at Crona's demeanor as he opened his first envelope.

_subrattie(lost the paper again)_

"That says so much about you I don't even know where to start."

_do you have anyone on your crew you would trust with your life?_

"…moving on."

_uncle lary... man i'm scratching the bottom of the barrel on this one_

"Considering that's where you live, I'm not surprised."

_boxers or briefs_

"…that's just creepy, dude."

_would you rather review one of the fanfics i personaly wrote or reread forbiden fruit?_

"Well, I did manage to get one or two laughs out of forbiden fruit, whereas I'm just sitting here shaking my head at your _fanmail_, so, the latter."

_have you ever been captured by a rival pirate gang?_

"Only once. And there's a good reason why it happened _only once_."

Raven sighed as the captain opened his next letter. "Do you enjoy being annoyingly cryptic?"

"Very much, thank you for asking."

_What's the strangest talent you have?_

"I'd have to say my lesbian senses. Seriously, I have those. Fairly strange, but not exactly unwanted."

_WHAP_!

_Do you crack your knuckles?_

"Only for dramatic purposes."

_Have you ever broken a bone?_

"Considering I'm not a wimp who falls apart with his first injury, no."

_Have you ever cheated while playing a game?_

"Um, duh. What part of "pirate" don't you get?"

Crona shrugged. "Maybe she thought you were one of those "honorable" pirates?"

"Pffffft, I say."

_Do you have any strange phobias?_

"…stereotypical 80's punks."

Raven blinked. "That's…a new one…"

_Can you cross your eyes?_

"Yes, but it requires some "external help". Which is why I don't do it if I can help it…"

_Ever thrown a shoe at someone?_

The captain glared at Raven. "_I'm considering it_."

Raven rolled her eyes, getting up and walking over to the table, taking the envelope on it and ripping it open.

_I'd like to start off by apologizing once again for what happened in the last session. I don't expect you to forgive me for it, but I apologize all the same. Having said that, I must tell you something:_

_What happened then will happen again. And that's all I'll say on the matter until the time is right._

_Now then, I've chosen a fairly simple one for you this time. It's an Inuyasha fanfic called A story called fate. This one is just bad all around, so you shouldn't have too much trouble with it._

_Best of luck._

Raven crumpled the letter reflexively as she walked back to her seat. _Again? Torturing two people wasn't enough for him? He's going to do it AGAIN? And he couldn't even give one of us fair warning…not that it would even help…_

The captain leaned forward to catch Raven's attention. "Hey. Cross that bridge when we get to it, alright?"

Raven blinked, then gave a slight nod, though her mind was still focused on the letter. _And why isn't he more worried about this? It could just as easily happen to him…_

Those thoughts were soon put aside as the story began.

/

**A Story Called "FATE"**

**First off, I don't own inuyasha or any of the characters.**

**(If I did things would have been a lot different I can tell you.)**

Raven: Well, that certainly sounds promising…

**"Damn!" Inuyasha Yelled as his attack was deflected by Kanna's Mirror.**

**"It's no use Inuyasha, we can't break through that mirror!" Miroku Stated.**

Crona: Why would you want to? Imagine the seven years of bad luck…

Subarashii: You know about that, but you don't know about holidays?

Crona: …I've had a busy week.

**"Hmph, Weak Half-demon, I despise the fact that my father's blood runs through your veins!**

Subarashii: "Which I'll probably remind you every chance I get!"

**Let me show you how it's done, ****Dragon Strike!" ****Sesshomaru yelled.**

Subarashii: That would probably sound less cheesy if it was in Japanese.

Raven: You're saying that as though this person ever watched the original Japanese version of the show.

Subarashii: Point.

**A blue blast of energy came forth from the tokijin and hit Kanna's mirror dead-on.**

**"It's no use, you will all fall victim to my miasma!" Naraku shouted gleefully.**

Raven: …something about that just sounds off.

Crona: Which? His dialogue or his laughing?

Raven: The latter.

**"Now prepare to… Huh what is this?"**

**Kanna's mirror was now shining a bright blue and looked as though it would shatter at any second.**

Crona: I warned you!

**"Something's coming through!" Kagome and Sango cried in unison.**

**Sure enough a hand was coming through the mirror!**

Subarashii: *singing* They're creepy and they're kooky.

Crona: Mysterious and spooky.

Raven: They're altogether ooky.

All: The Addams Family!

Subarashii: Their house is a museum.

Crona: Where people come to see 'em.

Raven: They really are a scream.

All: The Addams Family!

Subarashii: …have I mentioned that we'd make a kickass band?

Raven: You have.

_**How can this be? I thought the mirror only sucked out souls? **_**Naraku thought.**

Subarashii: Oh dear, we have that dreaded plot convenience at work once again.

Raven: Annoying how it keeps popping up, isn't it?

**"(Evil Laughter) Mwahahahah!**

Crona: Yes, we kind of figured the laughter was evil from the "Mwa" part. That usually indicates laughter that is evil.

**Finally I am free from this accursed mirror!" The Hand's owner said.**

Subarashii: "It's time to conquer Earth!"

Raven: Wrong show.

Subarashii: Aww!

**"What the Hell! What is that?" Inuyasha yelled. "Ugh, That voice! It can't be!" Sesshomaru said with a slight fear in his tone. **_**"How can this be? Lord Sesshomaru is trembling!" **_**Jaken thought.**

Raven: …OK, that definitely isn't supposed to happen. Last I checked, Sesshomaru didn't show fear, period. This smells of a ridiculously overpowered OC.

Subarashii: *sneezes*

**"Hm, Is that you little brother." The voice said.**

All: WHAT A TWIST!

**"****Wwwhhhaaaattt!" ****Everyone ****including ****Naraku and his Incarnations shouted.**

Crona: …that's just silly.

_**"Brother huh, Kagura thought, If Sesshomaru can't free me, maybe he can!"**_

Crona: And why's that?

Subarashii: Just said it not too long ago, Crona.

Crona: Oh, right.

**"HAHAHAHAHAHAH"… Said**

Subarashii: Mark Hamill! Oh, please please PLEASE let it be Mark Hamill!

**A/N: Sorry the chapters so short!**

Subarashii: You cocktease!

**It takes awhile for me to write so I'll make sure the next chapter is longer.**

Raven: Oh no, there's no need to go out of your way or anything. By all means, let the chapters be short. We should be done in no time.

**FYI: I haven't came up with a name for The older brother yet. So Suggestions are welcomed!**

Subarashii: Wow, how cheap is this? Asking the readers for help writing your fic. Talk about pathetic.

(Somewhere, an author cries. Whether they're tears of laughter or sorrow is known only to him.)

**A Story Called Fate**

**Chapter 2: The Past Revisited**

Raven: A title like that can only mean one thing…

All: FLASHBACKS!

**Well, I finally did chapter 2. I like to thank the people who reviewed my first chapter,**

Crona: Note that he didn't say "positively".

**and the people who have added it to their favorites.**

Subarashii: "Which are not my parents, or my friends, or whatever poor soul that's become my significant other."

**Also like to thank all the people you supported me. Thanks!**

Subarashii: See above.

**Kingka**

**Darkroge**

**Little Syaoran**

Raven: These are people that deserve our pity.

_**Italic Text means thoughts!**_

Crona: Uh…thanks, we were already aware of that.

_**Damn. I tried to forget that day. I pushed it and I pushed it. But no matter how hard I pushed, I couldn't forget.**_

Subarashii: "I knew I shouldn't have had that third helping of Taco Bell!"

_**First my father is killed saving a human and inuyasha. Then my older brother is killed protecting me.**_

Crona: Odd how he didn't mention him before now.

Subarashii: Gentlemen and lady, I do believe we've discovered a male equivalent to the Mary Sue: the Gary Stu.

Crona: …no relation to any particular Sue, right?

Raven: No, I'm sure this one isn't related to you-know-who, Crona.

Crona: Whew.

_**It's MY fault. I'm to blame for everything.**_

Subarashii: Wow, fast work! Already he's made the least angsty character start angsting.

_**190 years earlier**_

**(Groan) "Damn it, we need backup my lord" the low-class demon yelled as more and more higher class demons stormed the gates.**

**"Me? Backup? Ridiculous! I Sesshomaru have no need for reinforcements."**

Crona: "Sir, we know who you are, you don't need to tell us your name."

Subarashii: "Nonsense! Poor writing and dramatic purposes demand that I tell you that I am Sesshomaru!"

**"Oh shut up and let people help you!" a voice said.**

Subarashii: Bruce Campbell has arrived, bitches!

**"You must not value your life you low cla… Oh, it's you brother."**

Crona: Bruce Campbell is related to Sesshomaru?

Raven: It's not Bruce Campbell!

Subarashii: Dammit woman, let me hope!

**"What, not glad to see your elder brother? You couldn't do anything without me. Don't forget, if father hadn't convinced me to train you, you would still be a helpless pup." The Elder dog demon said.**

Crona: Bruce Campbell is a dog demon?

Raven: What did I just say?

**Both bowed their heads in respect for their late father. "Can we…not talk about father now?" Sesshomaru said as a wave of grief washed over him.**

Raven: I was under the impression that Sesshomaru didn't really like his father…

Subarashii: Oh God, he's going to "humanize" him, isn't he? On a side note, fuck Lestat.

**"Why? He's dead now and there's nothing we could have done. His mind was made up."**

**"It's all Inuyasha and his wretched human mother who's to blame!" Sesshomaru said as he tried to hide his sadness and rage.**

Raven: Seriously, this isn't right.

Crona: This is going to end in him crying. I just know it.

**"Well I think it's that dragon's fault. Besides I'd rather fight a strong demon instead of a half-breed any day."**

Raven: How generically gung-ho of you.

**"Well that's what you belie…what the hell!" Their talk was interrupted by the sounds of explosions.**

Subarashii: "Dammit, I told you kids to turn down the TV when you're playing Call of Duty!"

**My lord they are breaching the gate." A low-class demon yelled. "We can't hold them off any longer Mi-lord. What shall we do?" A worried high-class demon yelled.**

**"Hmm, Maybe we should have asked the panther demons to help us…Argh! The little demon said as an enemy cut him down.**

**"I have breached the gates… Argh!. Before he could finish a mighty sword cut him down.**

**"Damn it, we are talking here!"**

**"Losing our temper are we" Sesshomaru joked**

**"Shut up and let's get rid of this…Vermin."**

Crona: I'm starting to have trouble keeping track of who's saying what…

Raven: Generally a sign of poor writing.

**"Right." Sesshomaru nodded before they took off to fight.**

_**2 Hours and 500,000 dead demons later**_

Subarashii: This transition has been brought to you by the Bullshit Brigade!

**"Ugh. Damn it. I can't hold out much longer." Sesshomaru openly noted," If only I had Tetsusaiga and not this useless sword."**

**"Brother, that sword is nothing compared to swords I have collected."**

Subarashii: Oh, of course Stu has more awesome swords than the Tetsusaiga and the Tensaiga! He's just that great!

**"Then why aren't you using them?" Sesshomaru Mocked.**

**"I didn't think they'd be this strong!"**

**"Yeah, Right."**

Raven: How convenient.

Subarashii: Dramatically, even!

**"Well, looks like I'll be joining father sooner than I thought."**

**"What? Your joking right!" Sesshomaru yelled as his brother.**

**"No, I'm not. You should get out of here while you have the chance. I'll Hold Them off Brother!"**

Crona: "And if I die, I'll totally stay dead! I won't come back years later and make you and whoever you're with look bad! Seriously!"

**"I will not leave!"**

**"I said leave, ****now!****"**

**"And I said no!"**

Subarashii: "You always get to do the overly dramatic stuff! It's my turn! You promised!"

Raven: You realize you're making him as whiny as he'll inevitably be by the end of this fic?

Subarashii: …dammit.

**"You must live so our Father's legacy can live on! Now get the hell out of here."**

**"I said I would not leave you brother! Nothing you can say can change my mind!"**

Crona: "Not even if I promised to not come back and steal your thunder?"

Subarashii: "You'd just break that promise anyway!"

**"Fine! I'll make you leave! Sesshomaru…" He said as he held up his hand to cast a spell of returning.**

**"NO, Ryuuren!"**

Subarashii: Oh, so he's not "insert word here"-maru? Well, colour me surprised.

_**That was the last time I saw him. I could have saved him with The Tenseiga or helped fend of the demons with Tetsusaiga.**_

Raven: You mean despite the fact it was clearly said that the odds were against you, and that the swords weren't really helping?

_**Or if he had his "swords" we might have one that battle.**_

Crona: Why does he keep putting swords in quotation marks? Are they not actually swords? Is it just for dramatic purposes?

Subarashii: Take a guess.

_**Maybe, just maybe, if he had accepted Sounga, he wouldn't have met his end so soon.**_

Raven: Don't go bringing the movies into this.

_**Damn. It's my fault. And he will surely take revenge. He's even stronger than our father. I don't think I could survive his onslaught.**_

Subarashii: It'd be a mercy killing, I'm sure.

**A/N: ****YAY! You finally know his name!**

Subarashii: And it sucks!

**Sorry, couldn't resist making this chapter. And there will be more sequences like this.**

Subarashii: FUUUUUUUUU-

**Well I Finally got a name with some help from the reviewers. And yes, he can use magic!**

Raven: Of course he can…

**FYI:**** I don't know if I will have all characters but I will try. So if you want to see a character in the story email and let me know!**

Crona: Oh, this is not going to end well at all…

**Also to those who gave me ideas for the names of the older brother, sorry but I could only choose one, ****BUT, ****I may add the names I didn't use and make them minor characters.**

Crona: …yeah, definitely not going to end well…

**So Even if I didn't chooses yours, you still contributed to the story!**

Subarashii: Which means this is your fault too!

**Thanks to all the people that reviewed this chapter.**

Raven: All three of you. Not including us.

**Chapter 3: Revenge?**

**Ryuuren climbed through the mirror and stood among the living again.**

Crona: Are they ever going to explain how that happened?

Subarashii: Do you really care?

Crona: No, actually…

**"Finally! I was growing tired of being in that damn mirror!" He shouted**

**"Who the hell are you!" Inuyasha questioned.**

Subarashii: "Hi, I'm Gary Stu, I'm going to be taking the focus away from you and the plot. Hope you don't mind!"

**"****Shut the hell up Inuyasha!" ****Ryuuren shouted at his younger half-brother.**

Raven: And we have what will probably everyone's dialogue towards Inuyasha throughout the fic.

**"Wha… What the hell!"**

**"Ahem… huh?" He noticed all the women staring at him. "Well, hello ladies!"**

**Kagome, Sango, and Kagura all blushed at that.**

**"He…hel…Hello to you." They all said in unison.**

Crona: *groan* He's not even trying to hide it…

**"Hello Sesshomaru. It's been a while."**

**"Far too long brother." Sesshomaru said fearing the inevitable beating from hell.**

Subarashii: Bullshit on Ice!

**"I thought you were dead?"**

**"Oh, I was. Oh yeah, Mother and father send their love."**

Crona: Love how casually he says that. "Oh, yeah, I died, mom and dad say hi."

**"What? They do? How are they?"**

**"They said the were all right. Had a fun time talking to dad. He was there with Inuyasha's mother too. Oh yeah, Izayoi sends her love as well."**

Crona: Seriously, he just came back from the dead! Shouldn't he be at least slightly amazed?

**"Mother? How is she doing?" Inuyasha asked intent on hearing the answer.**

**"**_**What the hell are they talking about?" Naraku questioned himself.**_

Raven: Unimportant things. Get used to it, it'll probably be happening a lot in this fic.

**"**_**Oh wow! Sesshomaru is hot, but his brother is even hotter!" Kagura thought.**_

Raven: …and that too.

Subarashii: Pretty sure that ain't canon.

**"**_**So, inuyasha and Sesshomaru have an older brother? I never knew. Kagome thought.**_

Raven: Thank you for that valued insight of yours, Kagome.

**"She's fine. I mean they're all fine for being dead and all.**

Crona: What, are they only mostly dead?

Raven: Because there is a difference between being mostly dead and all dead.

**They all look great too." Ryuuren answered. "Mom seemed a little jealous of the attention Izayoi was receiving from dad, so then when he wasn't looking, she hit him so hard I thought his head was going to fall off!"**

**"That sounds like mom all right!" Sesshomaru gleefully added.**

All: …

Raven: Do we even need to point out what's wrong with that last sentence?

_**"Hm, he isn't trying to destroy me? Maybe I was wrong?"**_

Subarashii: He probably should be, it'd be doing us a favour.

**"Yeah, dad wanted me to tell you and inuyasha to stop fighting." Ryuuren said.**

**"Hmph, like that's going to happen!" Kagura added. **_**"What the hell! Why am I so chummy to him?"**_

Crona: You haven't dealt with Stus before, have you?

**"Yes! That's what I told our father!" Ryuuren told Kagura. "So Beautiful, what's your name?**

**"Kagura." She responded with a blush.**

Raven: Again, do we need to point out what's wrong here?

**"Okay, okay I'm tired of this Crap!**

Subarashii: Finally, someone with some sense!

Raven: Which means he won't last long.

Subarashii: Must you always ruin my mood?

Raven: It brings my spirits up.

**Who the hell are you and why were in the damn mirror!" Naraku finally questioned.**

**"My name is Ryuuren and I'm am the elder son of the great dog demon…"**

**"What? I thought Sesshomaru was the eldest?"**

**"Hmph… Shows how much you know Half-breed!"**

Crona: "You don't know about the third brother that's better than both of the demonic characters and was never mentioned until now? Wow, how stupid are you?"

**"Ugh! You dare speak to me like that! Do you know who I am!"**

**"No and I could care less who you are. You are nothing but a weak half-demon that has to absorb other demons to maintain you power."**

**"Ugh! That's it! Now you've made me mad! Naraku shouted as he launched an attack at Ryuuren.**

Subarashii: …what kind of attack? Can you actually specify what he's doing? Or would that require you to try and fail at writing an action scene?

**"Hmph!" Ryuuren sighed as he held up his hand.**

**"What? You think you can stop me…Huh!" As naraku's attack reached Ryuuren's hand he was stopped in midair.**

Subarashii: See? I didn't even know he moved there.

**"Huh, what's this?" Ryuuren said as he reached inside Naraku and drew out a red sphere.**

_**"That's… My heart!"**_** Kagura thought. **_**"So he is the one who will free me! What a relief."**_

Crona: Wow, he didn't take long to mess around with the story.

Raven: Oh, joy, it's a Fixer Sue.

**"That's mine." Kagura said.**

**"Huh? Yours? What is it?"**

**"It's my heart."**

**"What! Your heart!" Ryuuren yelled as he turned to look at Naraku. "Unforgivable!" He then pushed his hand forward. As he did Naraku was thrown back twenty feet.**

Crona: Inuyasha's family is connected to The Force?

Subarashii: Would you be surprised?

**"Ugh! Damn it!" Naraku said as he hit the ground.**

**"Vermin! Ah, I believe this belongs to you." Ryuurensaid as he was beginning to give Kagura her heart back.**

**"Don't do it! If you do she will turn on you! Sango warned. "She's right you know." Miroku added.**

Raven: Love how everyone feels the need to add absolutely nothing of worth to the conversation.

**"Hmph, have you no faith in me?" Kagura questioned.**

**"Hell no!" Inuyasha shot back. "Hmph do what you want Ryuuren. If she does try anything you could always just kill her." Sesshomaru shot out.**

Subarashii: Do it anyway. Please?

_**"Yeah right! Like I'm going to try anything after seeing how he man handled Naraku!"**_** Kagura thought.**

Subarashii: …I'm going to let this one go on account of the fact that Raven's a prude.

*WHAP!*

**"I won't try anything, I swear it! Please!" she begged.**

**"(Sigh)Very well, you can have it on one condition."**

**"Name it."**

**"Join forces with me."**

**"Hmm… Okay. It's a deal."**

Raven: Don't take your time with that decision or anything.

**"Great here you go." Ryuuren said as he handed Kagura her heart.**

**"Oh no! I'm hiding in case she tries something!" A very frightened shippo screamed.**

Raven: And yet another character adding nothing of worth.

Crona: This is going to happen a lot, especially with all the characters we're supposedly going to see.

**To be continued in chapter 4**

Subarashii: You can just feel the drama, can't you?

**A/N: ****Will Kagura keep her end of the deal or will she turn on Ryuuren?**

Subarashii: Will anyone begin to give a fuck?

**Find out next chapter. I figured I should make this chapter a little funnier than the others.**

Crona: Did you? I couldn't tell.

**Also I decided to give shippo a line.**

Raven: I'm sure he appreciates it.

**He'll probably have more lines in upcoming chapters.**

Raven: I'm sure they'll all be as good as that last one.

**Please review! Thanks!**

Subarashii: Eat my shorts!

Others: …

Subarashii: …wow, even I feel ashamed of that one.

**FYI: ****The **_**"shut the hell up inuyasha"**_** line actually came from a personal happening in my life.**

Crona: That shouldn't scare me. But it does.

**I was watching Galaxy angels with my friends and we heard Richard Cox (Voice actor for Inuyasha's character) and without thinking one of them shouted out "Shut Up Inuyasha!"(Yeah goofy. I know.)**

Subarashii: I was leaning towards "pathetic", but that's just me.

**so now whenever we see him we make fun of him.**

Subarashii: Smartest thing you've ever done.

**Sorry!**

**There won't be a new chapter until after next Wednesday.**

Raven: I'll try to contain my sorrow.

**I am truly sorry for all my fans but this is my senior year (Please don't make any HSM references)**

Subarashii: Oh, please, give us _some_ credit.

**and I have to study for a test. Also, I have written myself into a corner.**

Raven: This doesn't surprise me at all.

**The reason, simple. I have way too many ideas for stories. So i will be writing a short story about Resident Evil Outbreak**

Crona: …why in the world would you do _that_?

**and hopefully this will help clear my mind.(Don't worry loyal fans, it won't be as long as my Inuyasha story maybe only a chapter!) Again I am sorry for the inconvenience!**

**Chaos The Immortal**

Crona: …why did I just get that feeling of someone walking on my grave?

Raven: I don't know, but I felt it too…

Subarashii: That's very, very weird…

**Readers Rejoice! I am happy to present Chapter 4 of "A Story Called Fate".**

Subarashii: Oddly enough, I don't feel like rejoicing. Do you guys?

Crona: Not really.

Raven: No.

**I want to thank everyone for their support and reviews.**

Raven: Which is still all three of you.

**"Join forces with me."**

**"Hmm… Okay. It's a deal."**

**"Great here you go." Ryuuren said as he handed Kagura her heart.**

**"Oh no! I'm hiding in case she tries something!" A very frightened shippo screamed.**

Crona: …this seems familiar.

Subarashii: What's the point in doing a recap? This isn't the show, it hasn't been a week since the last time we read something we can read at any time!

**Chapter 4: New Allies**

**"Finally! I am free from that bastard Naraku! And I have you to thank Ryuuren!" Kagura said as she gave Ryuuren a slight peck on the cheek.**

Raven: *facepalm*

**"(Gasp!) She didn't!" Sango exclaimed**

**"Oh yeah! She did!" Kagome said.**

Raven: Yep, she acted completely out of character. We better start getting used to this.

**"I am yours to command my lord." Kagura happily added.**

**"Ugh! Damn it!" Naraku said as he rose to his feet. "You will pay dearly for this, Ryuuren! And I will destroy you as well Kagura! Believe this!"**

Crona: Wrong show!

Raven: The line was different.

Crona: Oh. Oops.

**"No you don't Naraku! Inuyasha yelled as he dove for him.**

**"I don't have time for you!" Naraku yelled as a cloud of miasma began to form and he disappeared into the horizon.**

**"Damn it! Naraku!"**

Subarashii: "I'm trying to actually bring the show to an end! Why do you have to be so difficult?"

**"Let him be Inuyasha." Sesshomaru said.**

**"What! Are you stupid Sesshomaru!"**

**"Don't dare raise your tone at me half-breed!"**

Crona: Why do people keep using that as an insult? First in…that fanfic, and now here.

Raven: At least here it makes some degree of sense.

**"Both of you shut up!'Ryuuren said.**

**"Or what?"**

**"Inuyasha don't make me hurt you. I promised your mother I wouldn't hurt you. Don't make me break that promise!"**

**"Hmph, whatever."**

Subarashii: And thus, Inuyasha has been Flanderized.

*TVTropes references: 24*

**"Now that that's out of the way, we should all join forces to destroy Naraku. Right Sesshomaru?"**

Subarashii: *singing* Because I'm Mr. Fixit! It feels good!

Others: …

Subarashii: No?

**"Lord Sesshomaru join forces with Inuyasha! Hell will freeze over before that ever happens!" Jaken Shouted out.**

**"Jaken."**

**"Ah, yes my lord?"**

Subarashii: "Go back to not having any use."

**"Lord Sesshomaru!" They all heard a small voice cry out.**

**They all looked to where the voice came from. As they did they saw a little girl running towards them.**

**"I told you to stay away, Rin."**

**"I'm sorry Master Jaken, but I got worried about Lord Sesshomaru."**

Crona: There's not going to be much point in Rin being there, is there?

Raven: If we're lucky.

**"Aw, so cute!" Sango and Kagome exclaimed.**

Raven: Everyone in this fic's just so insightful, aren't they?

Subarashii: But Rin _is_ cute.

Crona: Yeah, that's true.

Raven: …OK, but there's no need to state the obvious.

**"Sesshomaru, who is this?" Ryuuren asked.**

**"Huh, Lord Sesshomaru, who is that? He looks just like you!" Rin said.**

**"This is Rin." Sesshomaru answered.**

**"Oh kay… It's nice to meet you Rin. I am Ryuuren, Sesshomaru's older brother.**

**"It's nice to meet you." Rin said with a bow.**

Raven: Thank you for that exercise in pointlessness, fic.

**"Well, like I was saying we should join up to defeat Naraku. I mean, honestly, I can hurt him. But I can't kill him. Not without my "Friends".**

Crona: There are those quotations again. Why is he being so unnecessarily vague?

Subarashii: Stuness.

Crona: Oh.

**"So, what do you suggest we do, "Brother"? Inuyasha asked.**

**We should return to the western lands. There we can plan our attacks. And rest a bit too.**

**"Return to the western lands? What do you mean?" Shippo asked.**

**We will return to the fortress we have there."**

**"Oh."**

Subarashii: Oh, of course Stu has a fortress! What kind of…er…is he evil or good?

Raven: Honestly, I can't really tell. He made it clear he's siding with the heroes, but even so…

**"Well, let's get moving!"**

**"Yes, my lord." Kagura answered.**

**"Right." Sesshomaru said.**

**"Hmph, whatever." Inuyasha said.**

Subarashii: Have fun, Flanders!

**A/N: ****Whew! Finally wrote chapter 4. so what will be the plan to stop Naraku. Also, what did Ryuuren mean by "His friends"? Find out next chapter.**

Crona: I'm willing to bet we won't.

**FYI: ****Sorry it took so long. Most of you might not know why but I had to study for tests and stuff like that. Also I was in a bad mood since Saturday.**

Raven: I know the feeling.

**I wasn't going to even try to finish today but I just bought a Hellsing T-shirt off ebay on Saturday and got it yesterday.**

Crona: …and that motivated you? A new shirt?

Subarashii: Oh, what it must be like to be so simple…

Raven: You sure you don't already know what that's like?

Subarashii: Oh shut up.

**Chapter 5 may take longer because I also bought Fable: The Lost Chapters so I want to try and beat it.**

Crona: …_why_?

**It shouldn't take more than 4-5 days to beat.**

Crona: Again, why even bother?

**Whew! Finally wrote chapter 5. I played fable but got pissed at it. I'll explain more after.**

Crona: I warned you…

**Thanks for waiting and being so patient and also thanks for the reviews!**

Raven: …I'm not going to make that joke every chapter. That'd just get tedious.

**Chapter 5: The PlanAt the fortress…**

**"My lord! You're…you're alive!" the lesser dog demon said with shock.**

Subarashii: Yeahbutwho?

**"Ah, my good friend Ran! It has been far too long." Ryuuren said.**

Raven: Great, another OC.

Subarashii: *sneezes*

Raven: Is that just a running gag now or something?

**"Yes, far too long my good friend."**

**"How is your sister Maya doing?"**

**"She is fine, my lord. Why do you ask? Do you still wish to marry her?"**

Crona: Just how many OCs are we going to get in this fic?

Subarashii: *sneezes*

Raven: If my guess is correct, too many.

**"Ha ha, no my good friend. She is far too much for me to handle!"**

**"Yes! She's too much of a handful for most people too my lord. Everyone! Look, Lord Ryuuren is still alive!" Ran announced.**

Subarashii: And not a single fuck was given.

**"Lord Ryuuren! You are alive! But how?" Kari said**

Subarashii: Unannounced crossover alert!

Crona: Have to admit, a Digimon/Inuyasha crossover is something I haven't heard of…

Raven: It's another OC guys.

Subarashii: *sneezes*

Crona: Oh.

**"Kari. My sister. How you've grown." Ryuuren teased.**

**"You flatter me my lord."**

**"Wait! We have a sister too? What the hell! What else do I not know?" Inuyasha asked.**

Crona: You mean no one told you about your deformed Siamese twin?

Raven: Do NOT start that again.

Crona: Sorry…

**"She is not our sister but is like a sister." Sesshomaru explained.**

**"Oh"**

Raven: She's still an unneeded OC.

Subarashii: *sneezes*

**"Well, well, well. If it isn't little Inuyasha!" Ran said.**

Crona: And how does he know Inuyasha?

Subarashii: Don't mind the plothole guys, let's just keep moving.

**"Hmph, whatever. When are we going to come up with this "Master Plan" of yours Ryuuren?" Inuyasha asked.**

**"Right. Ran, have everyone gather in the main hall."**

**"Yes my lord!" ran said as he took off.**

**"Let's go too."**

**"Okay." Everyone answered.**

_**20 minutes later, main hall…**_

Crona: Must be a big castle.

Subarashii: Of course it's a big castle! Stu wouldn't settle for anything less!

**"Right. I have gathered you all here for an announcement. We need to destroy Naraku! I will not have my father's legacy wiped clean because of some measly half-breed! Uh…no offense Inuyasha." Ryuuren said.**

Crona: Honestly, that "half-breed" thing is starting to feel a bit racist…

**"Just shut up and tell us the plan already." Inuyasha barked.**

**"All right, jeez! This is the plan. We'll have three groups, two of which will distract Naraku and the other which will take Naraku head on."**

**"Whose on which team?" Sango asked.**

**"Team one will consist of Kagome, Miroku, you, Kari and Kirara. Team two will consist of Inuyasha, Sesshomaru, Kagura, and Ran."**

**"Ahem!" Sesshomaru cleared his throat.**

**"I mean ****Sesshomaru****, Inuyasha, Kagura, and Ran."**

**"That's better!"**

Raven: …really? Really, guys?

**"Hey!" Inuyasha said angrily.**

**"Team three will consist of me and me alone."**

Crona: So, basically the plan is "everyone else get out of the way and let me kill him".

Subarashii: Of course it is! Stu's just that powerful!

**"What about me?" a voice said.**

**"Huh? Who said that?" Miroku asked.**

**"My lord, surely you haven't forgotten about me? Even if it has been 200 years?" the female demon said as she surfaced from the darkness of the room.**

Raven: *monotone* Oh look, another OC. What a surprise.

Subarashii: *sneezes*

**"Kira? Of course I haven't." Ryuuren said. "You will be assisting Sesshomaru.**

**"Yes, my lord. But are you sure you wouldn't feel more comfortable with me by your side?" Kira flirted.**

Subarashii: I can't be the only one hoping she pulls out a Death Note at some point.

**"**_**What the hell?" **_**Kagura thought.**

**"I'll be fine!" Ryuuren barked loudly at her.**

**"Of course my lord."**

**"My lord? When do these plans commence?" Kagura asked.**

**"Not for awhile. We will not strike first. He will." Ryuuren replied. "First we should rest and prepare. Everyone! I want you to treat these humans as if they were one of us. Understood!"**

**"Yes my lord!" all the demons answered.**

**"Good. Now show them were they will be staying."**

**"All right, all of you come with me." A maid said.**

Crona: *yawns*

Raven: …Crona, if you're going to doze off, could you lean towards Subarashii this time?

Subarashii: Aww, you don't want to cuddle with your friend?

Raven: Again, invoking the crack shippers.

Subarashii: And your plan is to toss them at me? Thanks a lot, kid.

**"Sesshomaru wait. I need to speak to you." Ryuuren said.**

**"**_**Oh crap! Here it comes." **_**"About what?" Sesshomaru fearfully asked.**

Raven: …where are those trays we were supposedly going to get?

Subarashii: This is why people need to listen to me more!

**"What do you think of Kagura?"**

**"The wind witch? I don't know if she can be trusted honestly. But maybe she's changed." Sesshomaru answered.**

**"Hmm…"**

**"What? What are you thinking brother?"**

**"Sesshomaru, I think its time we found you a mate."**

**"****What!****" Sesshomaru yelled.**

Subarashii: …ah, _hell_.

**"And I believe that Kagura is the one for you."**

**"No she's not! We have nothing in common!" Sesshomaru protested.**

**"Too bad. She's yours." Ryuuren stated.**

Raven: Wow, great idea there. Don't worry about whether or not they're compatible or anything, just set them up for the sake of setting them up. Best brother ever.

**"Why don't you take her for yourself? She could be your mate!" Sesshomaru tried to convince him.**

Raven: Incidentally, I'm getting more than a little insulted at the constant usage of the term "mate".

Crona: I think that's just a dog-demon thing.

**"Ah…no. I'm more like father, I like human women." Ryuuren joked. "I think Inuyasha's girl is hot but, that demon slayer is pretty sexy herself."**

**"Shut the hell up!"**

**"Sesshomaru, you need her."**

**"For what?"**

Subarashii: "For the satisfaction of all the rabid fangirls, of course!"

Crona: There are Sesshomaru/Kagura fangirls?

Subarashii: Would you be surprised if there were?

Crona: …no, not really.

**"For Rin's sake you bastard!" Ryuuren barked. "She needs a mother figure in her life!"**

Crona: …just the fact that I'm speaking at all should indicate how stupid that statement is.

**"Uh…I don't know. Maybe your right." Sesshomaru said.**

Subarashii: I will be sure to make all the necessary whip noises once you two get together. Also, your man card is revoked.

_**"He has a point. Rin does need a mother. I mean I am like her father."**_

Raven: Yeah, you'll be doing her a huge favour when you divorce her because you two have nothing in common. Dad of the year, for sure.

**"Well Sesshomaru? How bout it?"**

**"Fine, for Rin."**

Subarashii: Hey, just throwing this out there, how about you focus more on being a decent father figure, instead of just getting a mother figure too and expecting everything to work out?

Raven: You're expecting the Flanderized, OOC characters to think, Subarashii.

Subarashii: Right, sorry.

**"There you go. I will discuss this with Kagura. You're dismissed."**

**"Sure." Sesshomaru said as he left the room.**

**"Ha! Sesshomaru is a fool."**

Raven: Noooooooo, really?

**Ryuuren said as a maid walked in. "You. Send for Kagura."**

**"Yes my lord." She said as she left the room.**

**Two minutes later Kagura entered the room.**

**"Yes Ryuuren?" she asked.**

**"What do you think of my brother Sesshomaru?" he asked.**

**"Sess…Sesshomaru? Well he's okay I guess."**

Crona: Wait…weren't they leaning towards her and Ryuuren?

Subarashii: You want her to get with Stu?

Crona: No, but why the sudden switch? It just seems weird…

**"You like him?"**

**"What! Well I don't know."**

**"You do? Don't you?"**

**"Maybe I do."**

Subarashii: Wow, how indecisive are these people? They make Charlie Brown look like a take-charge kind of guy.

**Fearing that he could not convince her the easy way, Ryuuren decided to trick her instead.**

Raven: Manipulating your friends' feelings to get what you want. And this is supposed to be our hero.

**"That's good! For my brother has just confessed his love for you!"**

**"Ah…he what! He loves me!" Kagura asked. **_**"How can this be? Sesshomaru loves me?"**_

**"Oh yes! He loves you with a passion. But you must not tell him you know of this." He warned.**

**"But why?"**

**"Because he is far too proud and will never admit to this."**

**"He has a point. I don't think Sesshomaru would ever admit that." Kagura drifted off into thought.**

Raven: The normal Sesshomaru certainly wouldn't, but I think we've established by now that this isn't the normal Sesshomaru.

Crona: So all he had to do was tell her he loved her and she fell in love too? …does that actually work?

Others: NO!

**"Ahem! Kagura? Are you even listening to me?"**

**Snapping back to reality she answered him. "Yes my lord."**

**"Promise me you will not tell him."**

**"Yes I promise!"**

**"Good! You may leave now."**

**"As you wish." Kagura said leaving. **_**"Sesshomaru loves me! Very well then! I will in turn love him back! My sweet sesshy!" **_**Kagura thought with a giggle.**

All: AGH!

Subarashii: Oh God, I'm gonna be sick!

Raven: Why is it so wrong? _Why_?

Crona: Please tell me that's going to go away! _Please_!

**"My lord is it right to trick her like that?" Ran asked.**

**"Of course it is!**

Raven: Our hero, ladies and gentlemen.

Crona: I still can't get over that…people in relationships don't always give each other bad nicknames…do they?

Subarashii: …you should be fine.

**Now for the rest of this to work I must trick my arrogant brother.**

Crona: Why would you need to trick Inuyasha?

**Go a fetch him."**

**"If you say so Ryuuren." Ran said as he went to get Sesshomaru.**

**Another minute later and Sesshomaru was back.**

Subarashii: Despite having left just a few minutes ago. What do they call that, again?

Raven: Pointless?

Subarashii: A-yep.

**"What is it brother?"**

**It's about Kagura. I have something very important to tell you."**

**"What is it now?"**

**"The "wind witch" as you call her, is in love with you!"**

**"What! You're lying!"**

**"Brother, have I ever steered you wrong."**

Crona: "Well, there was that one incident involving the treehouse and a can of Red Bull…"

**"Ah…no you haven't but is this true?"**

**"Yes! She has told me herself. But you can not tell her you know!"**

**"And why not?"**

**"Because, she said the thought of you rejecting her love would be enough to kill her!" Ryuuren exclaimed. **_**"Okay, I think I'm going a little too far. There's no way he will believe this!"**_

Raven: …what's the point in even mentioning what's wrong here?

Subarashii: I ask you, What The Hell, Hero?

*TVTropes references: 25*

**"Are you serious? Then I will not tell her. And I will return her love. Sesshomaru said. **_**"I shall make Kagura mine!"**_

Raven: All together now…

All: *facepalm*

**"**_**Wow! He actually bought it? What an simpleton!"**_

Subarashii: Gee, I wonder whose fault that is?

**"So you will make her your mate?"**

**"No."**

**"No?"**

**"I shall make her my wife." Sesshomaru said.**

Subarashii: …were we supposed to go "aww" there or something?

Raven: I…think so. But I don't really feel like doing that.

Crona: Me either…

**"Now if you'll excuse me."**

**"Sure thing brother."**

**Sesshomaru left his brother behind and went to find his future bride.**

**"He actually bought it Ryuuren!" Ran said with amazement.**

**"Yeah! Tell me about it!"**

**"They are going to be pissed if they ever find out what you did!"**

**"Hmph! They would need a whole army to take me down! Ryuuren said.**

Subarashii: Of course Stu is that great? Even though the fact that he needs to declare that makes him sound like an arrogant prick!

**"Look after everyone all right Ran?"**

**"But why my lord?"**

**"I need to find my "friends" I left behind."**

**"You mean…"**

**"Yes. My weapons. I think they may come in handy."**

**"Especially Soul Reaver my lord?"**

Crona: …I'm pretty sure that isn't a sword from Inuyasha…in fact, it sounds pretty familiar…

**"Of course! I'll be back be sunrise tomorrow." Ryuuren said as he leapt of the balcony.**

**"Hmm, yeah."**

**"Be careful my love." Maya said from her hiding spot.**

Raven: Thank you for adding to the neverending pointlessness, OC.

Subarashii: *sneezes*

**A/N: ****Finally done with this chapter! It is by far**_** the**_**longest one I have written so far.**

Crona: My drooping eyelids are evidence of this.

**So now we finally know what Ryuuren meant by his friends.**

Raven: Because it's not like you mentioned swords at any point or anything.

**And will Sesshomaru and Kagura find out they were tricked? And will Ryuuren try to trick the other couples as well? Only one way to find out.**

Subarashii: Assume the answer is yes and stop reading?

Raven: If only.

**FYI:**** Fable was Shorter than I thought.**

Crona: One of the many problems with it.

**I tried a cheat to get unlimited silver keys and my game froze. Meaning I had to start over form the beginning.**

Subarashii: I love how he thinks we care.

**I also went nerd on it. (A phrase my older brother uses. It basically means I tried to unlock everything and get 100% game completion. Which I did.)**

Subarashii: Good for you, you want a medal? …oh, wait, they actually do that now. They're called achievements.

**I unlocked the best armor in the game called Archon's battle armor with has an armor rating of 1109! Next chapter may take long because I need to brainstorm.**

Raven: Oh don't try and fool us, you don't actually think when you write this.

/

Next part is on the way. Sorry this is taking so long, but real life decided to get in the way.

Should be back soon.


	11. Story 6: Neverending Fetch Quest Part 2

OK, here's the next part. Let's get this going.

/

**Thanks for the reviews loyal fans!**

Raven: How many more chapters of this?

Subarashii: Counting this one? Ten.

Raven: Fantastic…

_**A little FYI Italic text now means thoughts and past Memories!**_

Subarashii: So we'll be getting more flashbacks? Wonderful!

**Chapter 6: Ryuuren's Quest for "Friends"**

Crona: I instantly feel sorry for anyone that's considered his "friend".

_**1 hour later, mysterious cave**_

Raven: …that speaks for itself, really.

**"Hmm. I can feel Soul Reaver's presence. Its close." Ryuuren said as he walked in the cave.**

Subarashii: Figure out what that is yet?

Crona: Yeah, it's from a video game of the same name.

Subarashii: I'd comment on the lack of originality, but really, I shouldn't be surprised.

**"Hmm. Demons and lots of them. Looks like this is going to be more fun than I thought!"**

Subarashii: For you, maybe…

**After walking several feet into the cave Ryuuren soon found himself surrounded by demons.**

**"Ha, looks like fresh meat! Finally we've haven't eaten for a long time now!" the troll demon said.**

**"I call his legs!" the small demon said.**

**"Ha, ha!" Ryuuren started to laugh.**

**"What's so funny?"**

**"The fact that you pathetic demons think you can kill me! Now make way or I will be forced to destroy you!"**

**"Oh yeah I liked to you…Ugh!"**

Raven: …am I the only one who has no idea what was just said there?

Others: Nope.

**the demon started as he was cut down by Ryuuren's claws.**

**"You should be thankful! You get to die at the hands of Ryuuren! Venom claws!" Ryuuren yelled as his claws turned a sickly purple color.**

Crona: What's the point in them being venomous if they just die when they get hit anyway?

Subarashii: Stu.

_**20 minutes and 50 dead demons later.**_

Raven: Well, at least he's not trying and failing at writing a fight scene.

Subarashii: Just wait, he'll probably attempt at some point.

**"Vermin! As if they could kill me. Now where is Soul Reaver?" Ryuuren said as he took off.**

**It took Ryuuren another twenty minutes to find Soul Reaver.**

Crona: I can't even begin to imagine what would happen if he lost his house keys.

**"Ahh. There you are Soul Reaver." Ryuuren said as he grabbed his trusty companion. "Hmm, now I just need they rest of my weapons. I wonder where I put them? Oh yeah! I remember."**

_**Two hours later, a mysterious Shrine.**_

Raven: …next time, I'm just going to bring a block of wood for occasions like this.

Subarashii: Only if you promise to chant before using it.

Raven: I'll consider it.

**"Hmm. My weapons should be right… ah there they are." He said as he picked up three more weapons. "Ah the Drakon, Drakar, and Murasume. Finally I have all my friends."**

Crona: Hey, why don't you include Soul Edge in there too? Then you can totally belittle it by not being affected by its powers at all!

Raven: Don't give the Stu ideas.

**"Hmm. Father? Why did you have to die?" Ryuuren wondered. "I don't have the same confidence you possessed."**

Subarashii: Wow, he's really showing how sad he is, isn't he? You can just feel the regret come off of the words!

**"**_**Wind Scar!" the great dog demon yelled as the wind scar sliced through a whole mountain.**_

Subarashii: And apparently we're in a DeLorean right now.

**"**_**Wow!" a very young and very impressed Ryuuren said in amazement of his father's immense strength.**_

**"**_**You see Ryuuren. That is just one of the many powers of the Tetsusaiga!"**_

**"**_**How many powers are there father?"**_

**"**_**As I said, there are many. I have not yet mastered them yet."**_

**"**_**You haven't? Then, how will you?"**_

**"**_**Practice my son. Lots of practice."**_

**"**_**Will I be able to wield the Tetsusaiga too?"**_

**"**_**Hmm. I'm sure, in time, that you will be able to wield as well my son."**_

Crona: "And then you'll abandon both swords for ones from other franchises that are apparently better!"

**"**_**It's going to be a long time before my son is wielding anything!" a female voice screamed.**_

**"**_**Uh-oh." Ryuuren said nervously "its mom."**_

**"**_**Inutaisho! What do you think you're doing?" she said, arms folded.**_

**"**_**Nothing, my sweet Mizuki. Why do you ask?"**_

Subarashii: …please tell me those aren't actually their names.

Raven: They aren't. They never actually got names.

Subarashii: Whew. Good to know something that bad is the author's fault.

**"**_**Why do I ask? I'll tell you why." Mizuki said as she pointed to where the mountain once was. "There used to be a mountain there. What happened?"**_

**"**_**I don't know." Inutaisho joked.**_

Crona: …oddly enough, I'm not laughing.

Raven: Me either.

Subarashii: Same here.

**"**_**Wha…What did you just say?"**_

**"**_**Uh-oh" a nervous Ryuuren said to himself.**_

**"**_**I said I don't know my sweet."**_

**"**_**Hmph! Idiot." Mizuki said turning away. But as she did, Inutaisho grabbed her arm and pulled her into a loving embrace and kiss.**_

**"**_**Better?" He joked as he let her breath.**_

**"**_**Yes my love." She said looking away. "But you know how I feel about you doing such dangerous things around Ryuuren. He's still young you know."**_

**"**_**I know. And for that I'm sorry."**_

Crona: *yawns*

Raven: That direction, remember?

Crona: …you know, if you don't like me, you could just say so, Raven…

Raven: Wait, what?

Subarashii: …well, this got awkward fast.

**"**_**Gross!" A disgusted Ryuuren said.**_

Crona: …wait, what?

Subarashii: You mean you never walked in on-…it's cooties.

Crona: …"cooties"?

Subarashii: Raven, you explain.

Raven: …gee, thanks. It's basically some thing that little kids came up with. If you kiss a member of the opposite sex, or see two opposing sexes kiss, you could get these "cooties".

Crona: And what exactly do these "cooties" do?

Raven: …you know, I don't think anyone ever explained that part.

_**As he said this, his mother and father looked at each other and both started laughing.**_

**"**_**My son, sooner or later you will be doing this with your own wife!" His father said.**_

**"**_**Yes! That's true Ryuuren." His mother said.**_

**"**_**I hope I don't for a long time! That's just…**_

Subarashii: Then again, he could be gay. Though that kind of self-awareness at that age would be impressive…unless you're Stu!

**"Hmm. Long time huh?" Ryuuren said as he came back from his memories.**

Raven: He seems so sad, doesn't he? You can almost tell by the emotionless "hmms" he gives.

**He decided it was time to head back to the fortress. He started equipping his weapons, one by one. He put Drakon and Drakar on his back. And held Murasume out with his hand. As he did this, the sword vanished into thin air for future use.**

**"Hmm. How I've missed that." He said.**

Crona: Should I even ask how he can do that, or should we just pass it off as a Stu power?

Subarashii: Guess.

**He then headed back to the fortress happier than when he left. Not knowing that Naraku had been watching him the whole time.**

Subarashii: Oh, yeah, he did do something in this, didn't he?

**"Damn that bastard! Now he has even more weapons! Damn it!" A very upset Naraku cursed. "Whatever! I'll still defeat him. I must defeat him no matter what!" he said as he began to laugh uncontrollably.**

Raven: Why do bad fanfic writers feel the need to make villains generic?

Subarashii: Easier to write.

**A/N: ****I decided to put the parents in this one. And nobody really even knows what the 1st mother's name is anyways.**

Subarashii: Well, he's half right.

**I think Mizuki suits her.**

Crona: And now he's all wrong.

**I'm also starting something new. I'll be putting quotes at the end of each chapter starting with this one. Some will reflect the story; others will be just random quotes. This quote is from the show Code Monkeys.**

**Mr. Larrity: ****Dean! Turn off that damn music! There's a little rooty in my tooty!**

**Dean:**** I can't do it bro! Things with more than one button confuse me!**

Raven: I guess the reason he chose that one was because it was so easy for him to identify with it.

**Chapter 7: A new mommy for Rin!**

Subarashii: Oh, _joy_.

**Earlier at the fortress…**

**"Ms. Kagura? Do you like lord Sesshomaru?" Rin questioned.**

**"**_**My, my! How bold this young girl is!"**_** "No Rin. I love him!" Kagura truthfully answered, not knowing who was standing behind her.**

Subarashii: Now Bruce Campbell! End this madness with your incredible manliness!

Raven: _It's not Bruce Campbell_!

**"Really? Is that so?" Sesshomaru questioned.**

**"Huh? Oh crap!" Kagura said as Rin just giggled. **_**"She set me up! She is smarter than she lets on!"**_

Crona: It's nice to know the kid was saved from being turned into an idiot.

Raven: The kids usually are. …usually.

**"Oh, hello Sesshomaru!" she tried to play off.**

**"Yeah, nice try. Come with me. We need to talk." Sesshomaru said as he headed for the balcony.**

**"**_**Oh crap!" **_**Kagura she thought. As she started to follow him, she felt a tug on the sleeve of her kimono.**

**"Good luck!" Rin wished her.**

**"Thanks Rin." Kagura said as she knelt down to hug her.**

Subarashii: …this is getting ridiculous. I need a new name for this one and fast.

Raven: Unless you want to go renaming every single character in the fic, I'd recommend you just forget it.

**Then she went to the balcony. But as she got on the balcony she felt Sesshomaru's arms being wrapped around her.**

Raven: …*implied facepalm*

**"Sess…Sesshoma…**

**"Shhh." Sesshomaru hushed her. "I want you to be my wife, Kagura."**

**"Oh Sesshomaru! Of course I will!" She said as they shared their first kiss.**

Crona: …I can't be the only one who sees something wrong with their first kiss being after the wedding proposal.

_**"He really does love me! He even called me Kagura and not "Wind Witch". And this also means that Rin will be my daughter!"**_

**"**_**Is this what father was talking about? I suddenly never want to see Kagura or Rin in danger." **_**Sesshomaru thought.**

Subarashii: Amazing how he spontaneously developed those feelings, isn't it?

**"**_**Tell me my son. Do you have someone to protect?" **_**His father's words still ringing in his head, Sesshomaru hugged Kagura tighter.**

**"I now understand, father. Why you had to protect Inuyasha and his mother." He thought.**

Raven: What, and now he just has no problem with his stepmother anymore? _You don't just get over these things_!

**"Kagura? Shall we announce the news to everyone?"**

**"Yes my love!" Kagura gleefully said.**

All: Ugh.

_**20 minutes later, the Main Hall…**_

Subarashii: OK, seriously, why does it take so damn long to get anything done in this fic?

**"What!" everyone yelled.**

**"Yes, we are getting married! Isn't it wonderful?" Kagura asked.**

**"Yes it is! I can't wait for the wedding! Kagome shouted as she hugged Kagura.**

Crona: Weren't these two enemies at some point?

Subarashii: Not anymore! Isn't Stu just great like that?

**"Me either! When is it?" Sango asked.**

**"Well, we haven't decided yet. Right sweetheart?" Kagura asked.**

All: UGH.

**"Yeah, Sweetheart!" Inuyasha joked.**

**"Shut up inuyasha!" Sesshomaru barked.**

Subarashii: "Stop pointing out how stupid this is!"

**"We don't know yet. Wait, where's Ryuuren?"**

**"He went on a "mission" and won't be back till dawn." Ran answered.**

**"Is there something you're not telling me Ran? Sesshomaru questioned.**

Subarashii: "Your quotation marks are suspicious."

**"Of course not lord Sesshomaru. It seems you should pay more attention to your bride than your brother, if I may say so." Ran shot back.**

**"Ha, ha! Ran you are as quick as ever!"**

**"Of course my lord!"**

**"Is master Ryuuren not back yet?" a small voice said.**

**"No, I'm afraid he isn't Maya." Ran answered his sister.**

**"Oh." She said sadly as she walked out of the hall.**

**"I do think your sister is in love with Ryuuren!" Miroku stated.**

Raven: Thank you for your valued insight, Miroku.

**"Of course she is. But she doesn't know that he doesn't have feelings for her." Inuyasha said.**

**"Maybe we can trick him!" Kagome suggested.**

**"Yeah! Maybe we can!" Sango added.**

Crona: …oh, great, so it's not just Stu that has a warped understanding of how love works.

**"**_**Oh crap! I guess its true. What goes around comes around! I better try to convince them not to. Besides, Ryuuren won't fall for their plot. Not like Lord Sesshomaru and Lady Kagura."**_

Raven: Because it's not like those two are smart or anything.

**"I don't think it will work." Ran said.**

**"I agree with him." Miroku added.**

**"My brother is not easily fooled! Believe me!" Sesshomaru said.**

**"Oh well. It was a good plan." Kagura said.**

Subarashii: _What plan_? You didn't actually form any plan at all! You just said "hey, we should trick him somehow!" That's not a goddamn plan!

**"Ran? Where did he go?" Kagome asked.**

**"Like I said, he went on a mission." He answered.**

**"Hmm. Something's not right. Ran where did he go. Tell me or you'll answer to my claws!" Sesshomaru threatened.**

**"That is none of your concern brother." Ryuuren answered while perching on the railing of the balcony.**

Raven: Of course he is.

Subarashii: Because he's-

Raven: Stu, I know.

**"Ryuuren! Have you heard the good news? Lady Kagura and Sesshomaru are to be wed." Kari said.**

**"Yes. I know." He answered.**

**"How did you know?" Kagome asked.**

**"Well, he told me how Sesshomaru's heart ached for me." Kagura said.**

**"**_**Oh crap!" **_**Ran thought.**

**"What? My heart? He told me that you longed for me and the thought of my rejection would kill you!" Sesshomaru said.**

**"What? But I…Ryuuren!" Kagura yelled.**

**"You two will marry or else." Ryuuren responded.**

Crona: *twitch*

Subarashii: …uh-oh.

**"Or else what?" Kagura and Sesshomaru asked.**

**"Or you'll break a little girls heart." He said.**

Raven: Because she seemed so attached to Kagura for the two lines they had together.

**"He's right you know." Kagura admitted.**

**"Yeah, I know. Besides I really do love you." Sesshomaru admitted.**

**"You…you do?"**

**"Of course I do. It just took my brother to make me realize. Why? Do you not love me?"**

**"Of course I do. I love you with all my heart!"**

**"Aww! So romantic!" The girls yelled.**

Crona: _That is not how love works, dammit_! I may be completely in the dark when it comes to how relationships work, but I do know that they don't just magically happen because you throw two people together! Whoever wrote this must've done a hell of a job using the keyboard _while wearing a straitjacket_!

Subarashii: …you good?

Crona: *sighs* Yeah, I think so…

Subarashii: OK folks, minor tremor, it's safe to come out now.

**"I'm tired. I'm going to bed." Ryuuren said as he started walking out.**

**"Wait." Inuyasha said.**

**"What?"**

**"I challenge you."**

**"What?"**

**"I challenge you! Since you have your weapons, I want to fight you,"**

**"Whatever. Prepare to lose inuyasha."**

**"Oh brother." Sesshomaru said.**

Raven: I'd ask what the point to this is, but I remembered that this is the Flanderized Inuyasha.

**A/N: ****So they found out. But didn't do anything. Ha!**

Crona: Because you're insane. Trust me, I'd know.

**And inuyasha is challenging Ryuuren? Will he be able to beat him?**

Raven: I'm going to guess no.

**Find out next time in ****Chapter 8: The Duel.**** Quote Time. This is one of the funniest (and probably the gayest) things ever said in Inuyasha (To me).**

Crona: …did he just try to say he was Inuyasha?

Raven: No, but I can see where that would get confusing. Poor grammar will do that to people.

**You all will remember this one from season 5 when a certain "Person" had a crush on inuyasha. Maybe he'll be in the story.**

Subarashii: Because that's exactly what this fic needs. _More_ characters.

**Jakotsu: Inuyasha is handsome, but your pretty sexy yourself monk. Awkward silence**

**Miroku: ****Nobody minds if I suck him up do they?**

Subarashii: …never mind, it's too easy.

**Thanks for the reviews!**

**Now, thoughts are still **_**italicized**_** and are now shown **_**'Like this!'**_

Crona: …so what's the difference?

**"**_**I challenge you! Since you have your weapons, I want to fight you,"**_

**"**_**Whatever. Prepare to lose inuyasha."**_

**"**_**Oh brother." Sesshomaru said**_**.**

Subarashii: Seriously, why bother recapping when we can read it at any time?

**Chapter 8: The Duel**

**The two made their way to the courtyard where they would begin their duel.**

Subarashii: So are we going by Battle City rules, or the official game rules?

**"Get ready to lose Ryuuren!" inuyasha yelled.**

**"Come at me, if you dare." Ryuuren calmly responded. "You can use whatever you want to attack me."**

**"Fine with me. Tetsusaiga!"**

**"Hmph!" Ryuuren groaned as he balled his fist making it crack.**

Raven: Kids, this is why you need to drink your milk.

**"Wind Scar!" Inuyasha yelled as he put all his weight into the mighty sword and the blast hit Ryuuren head on. "Got him! Wait, What?" he questioned.**

**As the dust clouds subsided, Ryuuren was nowhere to be found.**

All: Hooray!

**"Behind you mutt!" Ryuuren yelled as he decked inuyasha in the face with a right hook.**

All: Dammit!

**"Ugh! Lucky hit! You won't be so lucky next time!" inuyasha growled. "Iron Reaver Soul Stealer!" he yelled as he launched his attack.**

Subarashii: This is evidence that special attacks in anime should stay Japanese no matter what. It just sounds better.

**"Hmph! Pathetic!" Ryuuren yelled as he easily dodged the attack. "Let's make this more interesting, shall we? You and Sesshomaru take me on."**

**"What! That persistent wretch! Lord Sesshomaru could defeat you by himself!" a very irritated Jaken yelled.**

Subarashii: Silly Jaken! Sesshomaru, beat Stu? Surely you jest!

**"Very well brother." Sesshomaru responded. As he started walking Kagura grabbed his arm.**

**"Be careful, okay?" she said**

**"Don't worry."**

Crona: "I'll be fine, token love interest."

**"Let's hurry this up Sesshomaru!" Inuyasha yelled.**

**"As you wish. Whip of light!" Sesshomaru yelled as a white light whip hit Ryuuren.**

**"Hmph! Whip of Darkness!" he yelled as a black whip hit its target.**

**"Ugh! Damn it! Blades of Blood!" Inuyasha yelled as his blood turned to a lethal weapon.**

**"Hmph! Ridiculous! Crimson Blades!" Ryuuren yelled as he pierced his flesh with his claws and sent his blood to attack Inuyasha.**

Raven: …you know what, on second thought, it might be better if he just stole from other franchises. Him trying to be original is…well, that.

**"It seems that Ryuuren has the power to copy his opponents attacks!" Miroku said.**

**"Seems that way." Sango replied.**

**"You two couldn't be more wrong!" Maya said. "Lord Ryuuren taught Sesshomaru the Whip of Light, which is derived from the Whip of Darkness. And Blades of Blood is derived from Crimson Blades!"**

**"So you mean…"**

**"Yep! Lord Ryuuren is using the real attacks!"**

Subarashii: …of course he's using the real attacks! Stu wouldn't settle for some half-assed-

Crona: How does that even make sense? How do you derive light from darkness? Was this author even thinking-…never mind.

**"Damn it! I'm going to beat you no matter what!" Inuyasha yelled. "Wind Scar!"**

**"Hmph. Out of the way! Dragon Strike!" Sesshomaru yelled.**

**"(Laughing) A double attack? Ha!" Ryuuren yelled as he held out his hand. Then in a blink of an eye, the Murasume was in his hands. "Nightmare Strike"**

**As he yelled this, the Murasume began to leak a sick black color. As if all the worst horrors of life were being released. And the Wind Scar and Dragon Strike were swallowed up whole.**

Raven: This person wouldn't know what the worst horrors of life were even if he was dealing with them. The fact that he's even trying is laughable.

**"What the hell is that?" Inuyasha questioned.**

**"Ugh! Damn it!" Sesshomaru groaned. **_**'Damn! He wasn't lying when he said his weapons were powerful!'**_

**"Ha, ha!" **_**'Hmm. Just like old times, eh Sesshomaru?'**_

Subarashii: Oh God, here we go…

**"**_**That's it Sesshomaru! Keep attacking! Ryuuren said.**_

**"**_**You're going down!" a teenage Sesshomaru said.**_

**"**_**You think so, huh?"**_

**"**_**I know so!"**_

Subarashii: OK, you guys have to do this one with me.

Raven: *sigh* Fine…

All: *singing* Let's do the Time Warp agaaaaaaaaain!

**"**_**Not in a million years! Now like we practiced. Do as I do. But do the attack that I taught you. Venom Claws!" Ryuuren yelled as his claws turned a sickly purple color.**_

**"**_**Right! Poison Claws!" Sesshomaru yelled as his claws turned a sickly green color.**_

**"**_**Very good my son! Your brother is teaching you well." Inutaisho said. "Okay, that's enough for today."**_

**"**_**All right, you heard father. That's enough."**_

**"**_**Ryuuren, you are starting to sound just like your father!" Mizuki said.**_

**"**_**Really? You think so mother?" Sesshomaru asked.**_

**"**_**Yes! I really think so!" she said as they both giggled.**_

**"**_**Hmph! I do?" Ryuuren said.**_

**"**_**My son. You may not sound exactly like me, but you are talking like I would. Inutaisho said.**_

Crona: *yawns*

Raven: …

Crona: …sorry Raven, but Subarashii would like it too much if I fell asleep on his shoulder.

Subarashii: Hey! What the hell do you mean by that?

Raven: So you're saying you'd sleep on my shoulder because it bothers me?

Crona: …you're saying it bothers you?

Raven: Wait, hang on, that's not what I…

Subarashii: Awwwwwkwaaaaaard.

**"**_**If you say so. I'm leaving."**_

**"**_**All right Ryuuren. Be careful. Okay?" his mother asked.**_

**"**_**Aren't I always?" Ryuuren said as he left.**_

**"**_**Mom, can we go watch Ryuuren train?" Sesshomaru asked.**_

**"**_**Well, I don't know."**_

**"**_**I don't think he'd mind my sweet."**_

**"**_**If your sure dear. Let's go watch. Okay sesshy?"**_

**"**_**Yeah."**_

All: AGH!

Subarashii: Not again!

Crona: Whyyyyyyy?

Raven: I don't know how much more of this I can take…

_**20 minutes later, clearing…**_

**"**_**Chaos Control!" Ryuuren yelled as the attack ripped through the mountain.**_

Crona: Pretty sure that's not actually how that attack works…also, being a thief again.

**"**_**Whoa! That's unbelievable!" An amazed Sesshomaru said with excitement.**_

**"**_**It seems as if our son may grow even powerful than you dear." Mizuki said.**_

**"**_**It looks that way!" Inutaisho responded.**_

**"**_**Father, am I ready to wield Tetsusaiga yet?" Ryuuren questioned.**_

**"**_**I believe you are. Here give it a try."**_

_**As Ryuuren took hold of the Tetsusaiga, he couldn't help but fell even more powerful. Then he faced the mountain.**_

**"**_**You won't be able to…" his father started.**_

**"**_**Wind Scar!" Ryuuren yelled as the wind scar ripped through the rest of the mountain.**_

**"**_**Call forth the Wind Scar?" His mother finished.**_

Subarashii: Oh, of course Stu can use the in-series weapons to their full extent right away! He just chooses not to for the sake of the plot!

**'**_**Hmm, this is very interesting. It seems that my son will grow more powerful than me. Even I couldn't invoke the Wind Scar at first.'**_

Crona: Didn't we just establish that, literally, a few seconds ago? Do we really need to say it again?

**"**_**Hmm. I have no need for this weapon, father." Ryuuren said as he interrupted his father's train of thought.**_

Raven: Wait, he was thinking that? So how did we see it if this is a flashback from Ryuuren's perspective? Can he read minds too?

Subarashii: Stu!

Raven: …oh shut up.

**"**_**What? Are you sure?" Inutaisho asked.**_

**"**_**Yes I am sure." He replied as he handed his father the sword.**_

**'**_**Ryuuren doesn't want the Tetsusaiga? I wonder why?' Sesshomaru thought.**_

Subarashii: Oh, so dreaded plot convenience.

**"Hmph! Pathetic!" Ryuuren yelled as his brothers hit the ground for the last time.**

**"Ugh! I can't move!" inuyasha yelled.**

**"Damn. I'm done for." Sesshomaru said.**

**"This fight is over! I'm going to bed." Ryuuren said.**

**"Wow! Ryuuren is very strong isn't he?" Kagome said.**

**"I've never seen anybody knock down Sesshomaru like that!" Sango said.**

**"Lord Sesshomaru was beaten?" A still very shocked Jaken said.**

**"Sesshomaru!" Kagura said as she ran to Sesshomaru's side. "Are you okay?"**

**"Yes. I'm fine. He didn't use his full strength." Sesshomaru replied.**

**"What? You mean that he is even stronger than that?" Inuyasha asked.**

**"Of course he is."**

Raven: *grits teeth* Yes. Of course he is.

**"We may as well help them too." Maya said.**

**"Right." Miroku said.**

_**Ryuuren's chambers…**_

**"Ugh! Damn it!" Ryuuren yelled as he looked at his dislocated arm. "That boy hits harder than I thought! But no worry. I'll pay him back!"**

Crona: So, this was supposed to prove that he isn't totally invincible?

Raven: I suppose. Not that it worked.

**He then jerked his arm back into its socket.**

**"Ah, much better. Now I see why father gave him the Tetsusaiga and not Sesshomaru. I'm bored. I think I go walk around outside the fortress."**

Subarashii: "And while I do that, I'll make more declarations aloud!"

_**Outside the fortress, near a hot spring…**_

**"Hmm. This hot spring looks inviting." Kikyo said.**

**She quickly stripped down and hoped in.**

Subarashii: Woohoo!

*WHAP!*

**"Ah, this fells great! Huh? What was that?" she questioned.**

**"Ugh! You think you've won? You haven't seen anything yet.' A voice cried out.**

**"What's going on over there? Kikyo questioned herself.**

**"Prepare to…Ugh!" the voice yelled as the blow landed and sent him flying towards the spring.**

**"Ah! What the hell!" Kikyo screamed.**

**"You are going to regret challenging me." Ryuuren calmly said.**

**"Spare me, please."**

**"Hmph! You challenge me to the death and now you're backing out? You're a disgrace to demons. Now die like a warrior!" Ryuuren said as he impaled the demon with Soul Reaver. "Vae Victus."**

Raven: And who was that and what was the point in them fighting? …never mind, I already know the answer…

**While this whole scene was going on, Kikyo got dressed and got her bow ready.**

**"Halt demon! Stay away from me." Kikyo threatened Ryuuren.**

**"Hmph. You wish to challenge me too? I won't be so forgiving even if you are a human. Huh?" Ryuuren stopped as he looked at her. **_**'She looks like kagome. Maybe I shouldn't hurt her. She may know something.'**_

Subarashii: Let's just not get into that rather confusing plotline, shall we?

**"Who are you and what do you want from me?"**

**"You look like someone I know. You wouldn't happen to know Kagome would you?"**

**"How do you know Kagome?"**

**"She is at my fortress with her companions and my brothers."**

**"Your brothers?"**

**"Sesshomaru and Inuyasha."**

**"Inuyasha? You mean you're his brother?"**

**"Yeah. Wait, you know Inuyasha?"**

**"You could say so. We have a complicated relationship."**

Raven: Understatement of the century.

**"Maybe you could explain it to me. Back at my fortress?"**

**"Hmm. Okay I guess." **_**'I don't know if I should trust him.' **_**Kikyo thought.**

Crona: No, but you can trust me when I say you should get out of there while you still can.

**FYI: ****Now Kikyo is in the picture. Will kagome get jealous? Or will Maya get the wrong idea?**

Subarashii: Knowing you? Both.

**Find out next time in the next chapter: ****Kikyo Joins Ryuuren. ****The next chapter may take awhile, i just picked up Tomb Raider: Anniversary and i want to beat it. This time I'm not going for 100% completion, yet.**

Subarashii: We don't actually care, you know.

**A/N: ****I figured that Kikyo might add a little bit of comedy between Ryuuren and Inuyasha. I mean just think about it.**

Raven: I am. Oddly enough, I'm not laughing.

**Also "Vae Victus" is from the Legacy of Kain series and so is the weapon "Soul Reaver".**

Crona: Well, at least he admitted he's a thief.

**Anyways, Vae Victus is Latin for "Woe to the Conquered".**

Raven: Stop trying to sound smart, you're not fooling anyone.

**This time I've added two quotes.**

**#1: This one is from Twisted Metal Black and is also on my profile page.**

**"They say the mind bends and twists to deal with the horrors of life…sometimes the mind bends so much it snaps it two."**

Crona: Thank you for telling me something I was already well aware of.

**#2: This one is from my brother. I don't know if he made it up or if he copied it but I still like it.**

**"Only the Insane have strength enough to prosper; only those that prosper truly judge what Sane is." Bill Goestch**

Raven: That is way too profound for you.

**Chapter 9: Kikyo Joins Ryuuren.**

Subarashii: Well, there goes any potential drama from that plot point.

Raven: You say that as though he won't shoehorn some in anyway.

_**30 minutes later, fortress…**_

**As Ryuuren and Kikyo walked through the courtyard she filled him in on the info she had on Naraku. And about the plot he set for her and Inuyasha.**

**"Hmm. It seems I may have misjudged him." Ryuuren said.**

**"Hmm? What do you mean?" she asked.**

**"It seems he is somewhat like me."**

**"How so?"**

**"He stops at nothing to get what he wants, as do I."**

**"So you would deceive people like that?"**

**"Of course not! I wouldn't go that far!"**

All: Liar!

**"Ah, that's a relief." she responded.**

**"What?" he asked.**

**As the two were walking they spotted Kagura and Sesshomaru making out.**

Raven: …*double facepalm*

**"Huh? What's she doing here?" Kikyo asked.**

**"Long story short, I basically gave her life, now she is on our side."**

**"Oh."**

**"Excuse me for a moment. Ahem!" Ryuuren said loudly as he cleared his throat. As he did this, the couple jumped and looked very embarrassed.**

**"Shouldn't you two be sleeping and not making out like a couple of love struck teenagers?"**

Subarashii: Hey, don't go acting like this isn't your fault, Stu.

**"Oh shut up Ryuuren! Where have you been?" Sesshomaru asked.**

**"Recruiting more members to fight Naraku."**

**"Recruiting more members? Ah, you recruited the priestess."**

**"Yes. Was I wrong to?"**

**"No. Now we have two priestesses. Kagura could you take Kikyo to where you all sleep?" Sesshomaru asked.**

**"Of course my love.**

All: *groan*

**Let's go Kikyo."**

**"Right."**

**As the two left for bed, Sesshomaru turned to his brother.**

**"So what do you think Inuyasha will think?" Sesshomaru asked.**

**"What do you mean? Ryuuren asked his younger brother.**

**"You do know about their past relationship right?"**

**"Get to the point Sesshomaru!"**

**"All right. Well Inuyasha isn't quite over her…"**

**"Even though he has someone like Kagome."**

**"Exactly."**

Crona: …he's going to attempt to fix this, isn't he?

Subarashii: Yeeeeeep.

**"Hmm."**

**"What is it?" Sesshomaru asked.**

**"I think she likes me." Ryuuren said.**

Subarashii: And there we go.

**"Why do you say that?" he asked.**

**Ryuuren then filled him in with what Kikyo had said minutes earlier.**

**"Hmm. Maybe she does like you."**

**"You think?"**

Crona: Wait, what did Kikyo say that indicated that she liked him?

Subarashii: The part where she was relieved that he wouldn't manipulate people, I guess.

**"I don't know. Maybe. But you know that Maya still loves you right?"**

**"Maya? She is far too young. Besides, she is like a sister to me like Kari."**

**"Really?"**

**"Sesshomaru, when I trained you I also trained her and Kari remember?"**

**"Oh yeah. I remember now."**

**"I couldn't possibly marry her."**

**"Well. What are you going to do now?"**

**"Now I'm really going to sleep." Ryuuren said.**

**"All right."**

Crona: That certainly sounds like a good idea right now…

Raven: …

**As the two left for their rooms and figure emerged from its hiding spot.**

**"How could he say that?" Maya said. "He sees me like a sister? I should have known he didn't have feelings for me. It was quite obvious. I'm going to bed."**

**She then walked to her room.**

Raven: Wow, she sounds so heartbroken, doesn't she? You can just tell by her completely emotional declaration of facts.

_**Women's bedroom…**_

**"This is where we all sleep. Well I won't be sleeping here after awhile." Kagura said.**

**"What do you mean?" Kikyo asked.**

**"Well, I'm engaged to Sesshomaru!"**

Raven: And that brought up implications that I _really_ don't want to think about…

Subarashii: *cough*prude*cough*

*WHAP!*

**"Really? When's the wedding?"**

**"We don't know yet."**

**"Hey! What's Kikyo doing here?" Sango asked.**

**"It seems she has joined our little "Family"." Kagura said.**

**"Great! Now we'll have even more of a fighting chance!" Kari said.**

**"Yeah I guess." Kagome said before letting her head hit the pillow again.**

**"Well, we may as well try to get some sleep right?" Kagura asked.**

**"Yeah, I am pretty tired." Kikyo said before lying down.**

_**The Next Morning…**_

**"What? Kikyo's here?" Inuyasha questioned.**

**"Yeah. So what?" Sesshomaru asked.**

**"I must find her!" he yelled before running off.**

Subarashii: Yay, more antics from the Flanderized Inuyasha!

**"Idiot!"**

**"What's going on lord Sesshomaru?" Rin asked as she came into the dining hall.**

**"Nothing really." Sesshomaru lied.**

**"Oh. Where's Kagura?"**

**"I think she's still sleeping."**

**"Oh. I'll go wake her!" she said happily before speeding off.**

Raven: Well, at least she's taking the role of "adopted daughter" fairly well.

Subarashii: You mean waking up the parents early in the morning?

Raven: That'd be it.

**"So, what's the big idea bringing Kikyo here?" An irritated Kagome asked.**

**"Ask Ryuuren. It was his idea." Sesshomaru answered.**

**"Hmph! Maybe I will!" She shouted as she left.**

Subarashii: Kagome's leaning towards being Flanderized…

**'**_**Why the hell is everyone yelling! Its too damn early!' **_**"Ridiculous!" an annoyed Sesshomaru yelled. He was finally going to eat his breakfast in peace when sango came into the hall.**

**"Oh. Hey Sesshomaru. What are you doing?" she asked.**

**"(Groaning to himself) Damn it."**

Crona: Nice to know Sango is getting some use. Even if it's as a comedy prop.

Raven: That's supposed to be comedy?

Crona: …I never said it was funny.

_**Courtyard…**_

**"Kikyo. So it is true." Inuyasha said.**

**"Oh inuyasha. Did you need something?" she asked.**

**"I need to…**

**"…Talk to you." Kagome said.**

Subarashii: Wait, what? Why did Kikyo suddenly turn into Kagome?

_**Balcony overlooking the forest…**_

**"About what Kagome?" Ryuuren asked.**

**"Why is Kikyo here?"**

**"Well its quite simple, kagome…"**

Subarashii: …well that wasn't confusing at all.

_**Somewhere in the woods…**_

**"Oh Inuyasha, I'm coming for you and those fuzzy ears too!" Jakotsu announced to no one in particular.**

Subarashii: *groan* Guh-reat.

**What is Inuyasha planning to do? And what about Ryuuren? Will Jakotsu get to inuyasha? And will Sesshomaru ever get to eat his breakfast?**

Crona: *singing* One of these things is not like the others…

**Find out next time in chapter 10: Ryuuren and Jakotsu meet.**

**A/N: ****I wanted to put the band of seven in the story as well, but I'm sure everyone agrees that out of all of them, Jakotsu is the funniest!**

Raven: Doesn't change the fact that he doesn't need to be there.

**Tomb Raider was shorter than I expected. But Chapter 10 may take a little longer because I just got Final Fantasy 7: Dirge of Cerberus.**

Crona: Ugh.

**But the way things have been going it may not take longer! this quote is from the one and only Faye Valentine!**

**Faye Valentine:**_** You know the first rule of combat? Shoot them before they shoot you.**_

Subarashii: No shit, sweetheart.

**INSERT RECAP HERE**

Subarashii: That is getting really annoying.

**Chapter 10: Ryuuren and Jakotsu meet.**

**"…Its none of your concern." Ryuuren said harshly.**

Subarashii: Shut down!

**"Uh, what do you mean? It's not my concern? He is my concern!" An irritated Kagome shouted.**

**"Whose your concern?" Ryuuren playfully shot back.**

**At this kagome blushed. "Well, what I mean is, huh?" she started but Ryuuren stopped her lips with is finger.**

Crona: Apparently he's as indecisive when it comes to them as Inuyasha is.

**"Kagome, you know I tricked my brother and Kagura, right?" he said as he lifted his finger**

**"Yes"**

**"Well it looks like we may as well team up and get Inuyasha to love you back."**

Raven: Well, at least he's consistent in being a manipulative creep.

**"What are you talking about Ryuuren? I don't love Inuyasha!" kagome lied.**

**"Yeah, and I can't beat Inuyasha and Sesshomaru by myself!" he shot back.**

**"Well, all right. What's the plan?"**

Subarashii: Apparently, that's logic you can't argue with.

**"We'll talk about it later."**

**"Okay." She said as he took off.**

**Courtyard…**

**"About what Inuyasha?" Kikyo asked.**

**"Why are you here?" he asked.**

Raven: "To provide unnecessary drama, of course!"

**"Isn't it obvious?"**

**"Are you here for me?"**

**"Why would I come here for you? I am simply here to help kill Naraku."**

**"Why join forces with my brother Ryuuren?"**

**"He can probably kill him. That's why."**

**"But Kikyo! I…"**

**"Love me?"**

**"Well of course I do!"**

**"What about Kagome?**

**"Uh, well I…I don't know."**

**"Hmm. Indecisive!" she said as she walked off.**

Subarashii: …what? But…he just-…you…she-…_what the hell, woman_?

**"Kikyo." **_**'What the hell's wrong with me? Why can't I make up my mind?'**_** He thought. "Huh? She's still a walking corpse?" he realized.**

Subarashii: …well, now his indecisiveness is starting to make a bit more sense.

**Dining Hall…**

**"Can't you see I'm trying to eat?" Sesshomaru asked.**

**"Oh, I'm sorry. Continue." Sango said her elbows on the table, head in her hands.**

**"I can't when I'm being watched."**

**"Oh. Shy are we?" Sango said.**

**"Are you flirting with me?"**

Raven: Oh, because that's exactly what we need. _Another_ love triangle.

**"Now why would I do that? You're engaged to Kagura."**

**"Jealous are we?" Sesshomaru joked.**

**"Wha…I am not jealous!" Sango said blushing.**

**"Then why are you blushing?"**

**"I'm leaving!" she said as she stormed off.**

Crona: And what about Miroku, anyway?

Raven: What _about_ Miroku?

Crona: …never mind.

**Sesshomaru then looked around to make sure he was alone.**

**"Finally! Now I can…" he started but was cut off.**

**"Uh, lord Sesshomaru? I must discuss something with you!" Jaken said.**

Subarashii: Can someone kill this running gag already?

**"Jaken?" He asked with anger.**

**"Yes milord?"**

**"Get out of my sight before I slaughter you!" He screamed.**

**"Right away my lord!' Jaken said as he ran for his life.**

Subarashii: Thank you!

**"I'm eating this no matter what!" Sesshomaru yelled as he took his first bite in 30 minutes. "Finally! I was so hungry." He yelled as tears ran down his cheeks.**

All: …

Raven: I suddenly have the urge to blow something up. How odd.

Others: *edge away from Raven*

**Forest…**

**"Where is my Inuyasha? I know he's here somewhere." Jakotsu said as he sat down for a rest.**

**"Hmm. Who is that?" Ryuuren asked himself. "She looks cute."**

Subarashii: And obvious joke coming in three…two…

**His mind then wandered into things only Miroku would think of for the first time.**

Subarashii: No, wait, it's gotta be padded first…

Crona: …I should leave that alone, shouldn't I?

Raven: It'd be best.

**"Maybe Inuyasha isn't around here. Then that means I came here for no reason. Huh?"**

**Ryuuren had jumped from his hiding spot in front of Jakotsu.**

**"Hello."**

**"Hello yourself."**

**'**_**Wait, she's a he! I mean he's a she! What the hell! Gross, I just remembered what I thought about! Ah Damn!' **_**Ryuuren thought.**

Subarashii: And there we go. Did you laugh? No? Not surprising.

**"Well, what do you want?"**

**"I'm sorry, I thought you were a woman."**

**"What? Me, you thought I was a vile, despicable woman? Yeah right."**

**"But you did look like a woman from far away. If only you were a woman." Ryuuren trailed off.**

**"Hey! Don't flatter yourself! I only want one person, and that is my beloved Inuyasha!" Jakotsu shot back.**

**"What? You want Inuyasha? Ryuuren asked as he started to laugh uncontrollably.**

**"Huh? Why are you laughing? Do you know Inuyasha?"**

**"He's my brother."**

**"Then you are Sesshomaru?"**

**"No, I'm am Ryuuren, Sesshomaru and Inuyasha's older brother."**

**"Oh, so you know where he's at do you?"**

**"Yes, but why should I tell you?"**

Crona: …in case you people at home couldn't guess, I'm tired because this is incredibly boring.

**"Maybe my sword can make you talk!" Jakotsu yelled as he swung his snake-like sword.**

**"Pathetic, you are no match for me." Ryuuren said. **_**'Wait, Soul Reaver can revive people. Maybe it can do other things like change genders or something?'**_

Crona: …why the hell would it be able to do that?

**"Soul Reaver!" he yelled as a bright green light came from the bent sword.**

**"Huh? What is this?" Jakotsu said as the light engulfed him. "Was that supposed to hurt?"**

**"Well, it seems that I was wrong. Why the hell would this sword need that anyways?" Ryuuren asked himself out loud.**

Crona: That's what I just said! So why would you think of that if you weren't even sure it would work?

**"What are you talking about?"**

**"Shut up!"**

**"Who are you telling to shut up?"**

**"You! Who the hell do you think I was talking to?"**

**"You can't speak to me like that!"**

**"What am I doing right now idiot?" **_**'Damn it! He's starting to piss me off!'**_

**"You are so weak, you couldn't even beat Inuyasha I bet!"**

Subarashii: Oh shit! Now he did it!

**"What the hell did you just say you bastard!" **_**'Ugh! I don't know how much more of this I can take! **__**"Why don't you just kill him? Maybe that will shut him up!"**_** a voice said in Ryuuren's head."Ugh! Stay out of my head you bastard!"**

Crona: …the hell?

Raven: *sigh* It's another token of bad OCs. Make them possessed by some evil force or something.

Subarashii: *sneezes*

Crona: I thought he was just crazy.

Raven: That's definitely a possibility.

**"Who the hell are you talking to idiot?"**

**"Damn it! Leave me alone!" **_**"What? And let you have all the fun? I don't think so. Now unleash me!" **_**"No!" Ryuuren screamed as he fell to the ground holding his head.**

**"What the hell. Are you all right?" Jakotsu said as he helped him up.**

**"**_**This isn't over between us Ryuuren. You won't be able to resist me forever!" **_**The voice said as it disappeared**_**. **_**"Ugh. I'm all right." He said as he stumbled more.**

**"You're not all right, here let me help you." **_**'You know, up close, he is kind of cute!'**_

Subarashii: Please, by all means, keep using this character and set gay rights back a few more years.

**"Don't get any ideas."**

**"I'm not."**

**"Leave me be corpse!" he said pushing him away.**

Raven: Wait, how did he know-…forget it, I know, he's Stu, whatever.

**"What?"**

**"You heard what I said! We will meet again."**

**And with that he was gone.**

**"Hmph! Fine see if I care! Huh? Wait, I forgot to ask where Inuyasha was!" Jakotsu cried as he sank to his knees.**

Subarashii: You legitimately sicken me, you stereotype.

_**Somewhere deeper in the forest…**_

**"Hmm. I smell something." Koga said to his pack.**

**"It's not us!" Ginta and Hukkaku said.**

**"Not you idiots! I smell dogs. I smell the mutt!" he yelled as his tornado began to form and he sped away.**

**"Oh man!" Ginta yelled.**

**"Hey Koga wait up!" Hukkaku yelled.**

Subarashii: Oh for the love of…do we really need _more_ characters? What are they going to add?

**Outside fortress walls…**

**Ryuuren had somehow staggered his way back to the fortress. That little "Talk" he had with his darker half had taken its toll on him. He felt as if he hadn't slept for days.**

**As he made his way to the doors, his childhood friend Taki was making her way towards him.**

**'**_**Hmm. Taki looks as beautiful as ever.'**_

Raven: _Another one_?

Subarashii: Maybe she has Soul Edge?

Crona: No, no, she'd be trying to destroy it.

**"Lord Ryuuren! Are you all right?" Taki asked.**

**"I'm fine." Ryuuren said.**

**"Are you sure?"**

**"Yes. You always did worry about me.**

Raven: Are we actually going to find out how they met?

Subarashii: Do you care?

Raven: No, just thought some context would be nice.

**Huh? Ryuuren groaned as he sniffed the air. "Wolves."**

**"What?"**

**Just as Ryuuren was about to answer Taki's question she smelled it too. Then Koga appeared.**

**"Well, well, well. If it isn't the mutt's brother." Koga shot out. "So you joined forces with Naraku? Then I have no choice but to kill you!"**

Crona: Is Koga going to be Flanderized too?

Subarashii: I can't really tell…

**"Hmph! Me join forces with a weak half demon? Ridiculous!"**

**"Then why were you with Naraku's lackey?"**

**"That's none of your damn business!"**

**"Oh yeah? Well, I think it is. I've beaten Inuyasha countless times I can beat you too!" Koga yelled.**

**"Maybe. But you forget one thing wolf."**

**"Yeah? And what's that?"**

**"I'm not Inuyasha or Sesshomaru!" Ryuuren yelled as he charged at Koga.**

**"What?" Koga yelled as he dodged his attack.**

**"My lord! You must not fight!" Taki shouted.**

**"You've never fought someone like me before! And I don't plan on holding back! Know why?" Ryuuren said ignoring her.**

**"Why?"**

**"You mess with my family, I'll kill you!" Ryuuren yelled as he took Soul Reaver off his back.**

Crona: I think we're supposed to cheer for him there or something…

Raven: Odd how I don't feel like doing that.

**Inside Fortress…**

**"You guys hear that?" Miroku asked.**

**"Yeah. It sounds almost like…" Kagome started.**

**"Damn it! You won't beat me mutt!" They heard Koga shout outside the walls.**

**"Shut the hell up you mangy wolf!" Ryuuren shot back.**

**"Koga!" Inuyasha finished.**

**"And he's fighting Ryuuren." Sesshomaru said.**

**"We have to stop them!" Kagome yelled as she ran off.**

**"Damn it." Inuyasha said.**

**"Shut up." Sesshomaru said.**

Raven: Say it with me now, guys.

All: That was pointless!

**Back outside fortress walls…**

**The two had been fighting for at least 10 minutes with no sign of stopping.**

**"Ugh. Damn you!" Koga groaned.**

**"Shut up and die!" Ryuuren said as he began to charge his attack.**

**"Wait Ryuuren! Don't do it!" Kagome yelled as she jumped in front of him.**

**"Why? You know this demon?" he asked.**

**"Yes! He is also trying to kill Naraku."**

**"So?"**

**"Please don't hurt him!"**

**"Well, it's a little late for that."**

**"Then just stop now!" she cried.**

**"Fine. Consider yourself lucky wolf. If Kagome hadn't stepped in, you'd be dead."**

**"Whatever!"**

Subarashii: So, what, do we just chalk that up to the dog/wolf rivalry and leave it at that?

Raven: Considering that's probably as much thought as the author put into this, I'd have to say yes.

**"Both of you stop it now!" Kikyo said. "All this fighting is getting us nowhere."**

**"I didn't ask for your help." Kagome shot at her.**

**"I wasn't helping you, you clueless girl." Kikyo shot back at her reincarnation.**

**"Who are you calling clueless you damn clay pot!"**

**"Excuse me? I may be a clay pot, but people still love me more than you!"**

Crona: Debatable.

Subarashii: Very.

**"Whoa!" Koga said. '**_**Kikyo's got quite the temper!'**_

**'**_**Hmm. A catfight between Kagome and Kikyo huh? Not bad.' **_**Miroku thought.**

Raven: Well, at least now I sort of understand what Sango's been going through, dealing with him.

Subarashii: Oh, gee, nice to know that showing an interest in the opposite sex at all automatically makes me a pervert. Frickin' prude…

*WHAP!*

**"Shut your stupid ass up!"**

**"Make me!"**

Crona: …*snerk*

Subarashii: WOW, that sounds stupid when I picture them saying it.

Raven: It just sounds stupid in general.

**"Okay ladies, break it up!" Inuyasha said.**

**'**_**Idiot! He has no idea what he has just done!' **_**Sesshomaru thought.**

**"Shut the hell up Inuyasha!" they both yelled before they turned on each other.**

**"Why the hell won't they…" Inuyasha started.**

**"Its no use. They don't care." Ryuuren said.**

**"Your feelings are so mixed up! That's why Inuyasha will never love you!" Kikyo shot at her.**

**"No they are not. My feelings toward Inuyasha have always been the same. I love him!" she yelled.**

Subarashii: For God's sake, someone just toss them in a pit and let them fight it out! …a mud pit, hopefully.

Raven: …oh, yeah, you're totally not a pervert.

Subarashii: Shaddap.

**'**_**Hmph! So much for the plan.' **_**Ryuuren thought.**

**"What did you just say?" Inuyasha asked her.**

**'**_**Oh crap! What **__**did**__** I just say? Oh no! This is not good! Wait? Was it his plan?'**_** Kagome thought as she received a look that meant "no" from Ryuuren.**

Raven: No, apparently, you're just an idiot.

**"All right! I've had enough of this crap! Kikyo and Kagome come with me now! Oh and Sesshomaru? Ryuuren said.**

**"What?"**

**"Fill koga in with all the information we have."**

**"Fine. Come with me"**

**"Whatever." Koga said.**

**"Later. Now let's go you two.**

**"Fine!" kagome yelled**

**"Whatever!" Kikyo yelled.**

**"Ugh! Damn it! Why do I always end up fixing things?"**

Crona: Because that's your self-imposed job, Mr. Fixer Stu!

**Small office…**

**"All right, what the hell is with you two?" Ryuuren asked.**

**Then for the next 10 minutes they both started yelling about their predicament.**

**"Shut up damn it!" He yelled as he slammed his fist on the desk.**

**'Huh?" **_**Oh crap! He's mad!'**_** Kagome thought.**

**"You two need to stop this crap and stop it now! Its ridiculous!"**

**"She started it!" kagome yelled.**

**"Well I'm finishing it! Now make up."**

**"I'm sorry Kagome. I don't know what came over me." Kikyo said.**

**"I'm sorry too." Kagome said as the two hugged and began to leave.**

Subarashii: Well hey, if you can't manipulate them into doing what you want, you can always threaten them! Solid advice from our hero!

Raven: …Crona, I'm going to need your help on this one.

Crona: Alright…

Both: *quadruple facepalm*

**"There. That's better. Kikyo? Could I talk to you for awhile?"**

**"Sure." She said as she sat down.**

**"Do you desire to be alive again?"**

**"Well, of course I do. But what can I do?"**

**"Well it just so happens that I know how you can become human again."**

**"Really? How?"**

**"I'll show you in the courtyard later. Okay?"**

**"All right!" She said happily as she left the room.**

Crona: See? Told you that was your job.

**Once they left, Ryuuren fell to the floor clutching is chest.**

**'**_**Ugh! Damn it! I don't know how much longer I can keep him in check! If he is ever unleashed, then…no I must stay positive! He will never be unleashed! I hope…'**_

**He then got up a stood for a moment.**

**"Chaos." he said as he turned toward the window.**

Subarashii: Laaaaaame name.

**A/N: Damn this chapter was long.**

Crona: *rubs eyes* No kidding…

**So Jakotsu meet Ryuuren. And Kagome and Kikyo went at it. And now Koga is involved too. So Chaos was the mysterious voice. Who will join next?**

Raven: Hopefully, no one. Realistically? Everyone you can think of.

**Only one way to find out! Next chapter will take longer because i just took finals and i want to take a week off. sorry!**

Subarashii: No no, by all means, take a week off! In fact, why not take a month? Or two? Or twelve? Or a thousand?

**This quote is from Alucard of the anime Hellsing.**

Subarashii: Who is a hundred times cooler than you could ever hope to be.

**FYI: Chaos is my character from my other story and also my gaming name.**

Crona: Is that why it was such a lame name?

Subarashii: I can safely say yes.

**But the chaos in this story will be the complete opposite of mine. So I'm not adding myself (Even though I secretly want too!).**

Raven: That doesn't surprise me in the slightest.

**Alucard: **_**Situation C. Keeping power restriction unlocked until the target has been silenced**_

Subarashii: …how does that even make any sense?

/

Yeah, we're not done yet. Can't believe I have to do this, but we're splitting this up into three parts. Next one coming soon.

On a side note, happy 20th birthday Sonic the Hedgehog. Here's hoping Generations is the one that puts you back on the pedestal you deserve to be on.


	12. Story 6: Neverending Fetch Quest Part 3

Finally, almost done this monstrosity. Let's get a move on.

/

**INSERT RECAP HERE**

Raven: We just saw what happened, _stop repeating it_!

Subarashii: Does this guy really think we're so stupid that we'd forget what we just read a few seconds ago?

Crona: Well, we are reading this of our own free will…

Others: …point.

**Chapter 11: Chaos**

**'Chaos, is a being even stronger than I am. He used to be like the rest of us. But of course, his lust for power drove him to betray his closest friends. And his family.**

Subarashii: Remember folks! Ambition Is Evil!

*TVTropes references: 26*

**I looked up to him as a figure I wanted to some day become. He was so powerful that he even defeated my father without even breaking a sweat. He could easily kill anyone who defied him. Or who tried to take what was his.**

Crona: Couldn't he pretty much already do that before he even met this guy?

Raven: And we just hit a plothole. Now we're going to be stuck in it all day.

**That's how our feud began. And how it ultimately ended. I wanted to be powerful, but he didn't like the idea of that.'**

Subarashii: Well, duh! There's only room in this fic for one Gary Stu!

**"**_**Ugh!" Ryuuren groaned as he hit the ground.**_

**"**_**Hmph! Isn't quite obvious that you can't win Ryuuren? Chaos asked.**_

**"**_**I will never give up to the likes of you!" he yelled as he charged at Chaos.**_

**"**_**Hmph! Pathetic weakling! Chaos Blast!" chaos yelled as an explosion formed around his body.**_

Crona: And there he goes with copying stuff again…

**"**_**Ugh! Damn it!"**_

_**The large explosion left a crater 2 miles wide and 1 mile deep! In the middle of it, chaos' body laid motionless while Ryuuren's laid 3 miles away pinned to a tree. After awhile Ryuuren finally stared to stir.**_

**"**_**Damn! What the hell was that? I've never seen an attack like that before! I'm lucky I'm still alive. " He said shocked. "I wonder if he's still alive?"**_

Raven: Knowing our luck? Definitely.

_**As he said this, Chaos had begun to stir.**_

Raven: See?

**"**_**Damn! That attack always leaves me drained and vulnerable! I'm in pretty bad shape." He said.**_

Subarashii: Show, not tell, guys. Show.

_**Ryuuren was up and about now and he was starting to make his way slowly to the crater where chaos was. As he was doing this, chaos was making his way toward the direction of Ryuuren to get out of the crater.**_

_**10 minutes later…**_

**"**_**So you're still alive weakling!" Chaos yelled at Ryuuren.**_

**"**_**I'm surprised you are too you bastard." He shot back.**_

**"**_**Unlike you, I'm much stronger!" he yelled. 'Damn, I can't hold on much longer. I need to rest.' He thought to himself.**_

_**Seeing that the move had weakened him, Ryuuren decided that now was the time to strike. "I'm going to kill you now you bastard!" he yelled as the Drakar pierced Chaos though the heart.**_

**"**_**Ugh! Why…You…Ugh." He said as he collapsed to the ground dead.**_

_**Ryuuren gasped for air as he held up his sword in triumph. "Finally! It's all over!" he said as he claimed his prize. "Soul Reaver is finally mine!" he said.**_

Crona: Wait…all that was just to get Soul Reaver? Why did he need it? How did this Chaos guy even have it? Why do these bad fanfics never explain the important things?

Raven: Because these people don't consider things like "backstory" and "context" important.

_**He began to walk away, but then he then felt a sharp pain in his chest. "What the hell?" he groaned as he collapsed next to Chaos' body.**_

_**When he awoke, chaos was nowhere to be found.**_

**"**_**What happened." He asked himself. **__**'Hello Ryuuren.'**__** He heard Chaos' voice in his head.**_

**"**_**What the hell!"**_

**'**_**Mwahahahaha!' **__**Chaos began to laugh.**_

Subarashii: We're never going to find out how that happened, are we?

Raven: Not surprising, no one cares, can we just get this over with?

**'Yes, I am the one who killed Chaos. I also took his Soul Reaver. You can say what you want. I know I have wronged my family. I killed my own brother. That was my sin.**

Crona: …wait, who is talking to, anyway?

Raven: I'm thinking your insanity theory is looking a bit stronger, Crona…

**And now I have to live with it until I die or he is unleashed. He is not as compassionate for life as I am.**

Subarashii: Which says quite a bit.

**I'm sure if Naraku threatened him, he would be dead the second after. But one can hope that someone can change him. I mean, he's not the only one.'**

Crona: …I am so lost right now…

**'Maybe the priestess can change him. Maybe her presence can calm the beast raging inside him.' Ryuuren thought as he turned from the window.**

Raven: Which one?

Subarashii: Didn't he say something about Kikyo being interested in him?

Raven: I'd say that that can't be true, but considering the flimsy excuses for romance in this fic…

**"Well, I was wondering when you'd show up." He said as Sesshomaru walked in.**

**"We need to talk."**

**"About what?"**

**"You know what. He's growing stronger isn't he?" Sesshomaru asked.**

_**'Damn. He knows.**_

Crona: He wasn't supposed to? How does he know, then? Is anything actually going to be explained?

**"Yes he is. I don't think I can contain him much longer." Ryuuren stated.**

**"Do you think if all of us…" Sesshomaru started.**

**"He would slaughter us. We wouldn't even leave a scratch on him." Ryuuren told his brother.**

**"Maybe your right. Well I have to check on my wife to be."**

**"Yeah. Go to her."**

Raven: Wow. He's very clearly concerned there. It's not like he was just told that they're all about to die or anything.

**As Sesshomaru left, Ryuuren sat down and fell asleep in his chair.**

**A/N: This is a pretty short chapter.**

Subarashii: Thank God for small favours.

**Who would've thought that Chaos was their brother too?**

Crona: Wait, _what_? When did…how did you…what…GAH!

**I don't have any ideas at all for the next chapter.**

Raven: Good, this is finally over then!

**Well, that's only half true. I have one idea.**

Raven: DAMMIT!

**So please be patient! This quote is from the movie "Step Brothers."**

**Brennan:** **"I'm gonna take a pillow case and fill it full of bars of soap and beat the shit out of you."**

Subarashii: Best idea I've heard all day!

**INSERT RECAP HERE**

Subarashii: Rrrrrrrrgh!

**Chapter 12: Kikyo's body regained!**

****DREAM****

Crona: The fact that he has to tell us that says something. I'm just not sure what.

**Ryuuren found himself at the crater where he had defeated and killed Chaos when he noticed something.**

**"Hmm? What is this is the ground? Ryuuren asked himself as he touched the broken sword. "This, this is the devastator!" he said with shock.**

Crona: _Another sword_?

**"Well, I may as well take it for myself." He said.**

**But as he tried to grasp the handle, a barrier protected it and threw him back five feet.**

**"So, Chaos put a barrier on it. I should have known. Huh? There's an inscription on the blade." He said as he bent down to read it.**

**'****This blade will be whole when Chaos wields it, when the father of Chaos takes hold of it, or when the unborn brother of Chaos claims it.'**

Raven: Oddly specific prophecy…

**"What the hell does that mean? Unborn brother?"**

Subarashii: Probably something to do with an abortion joke.

Others: …

Subarashii: …I didn't say _I_ was going to make it.

**he asked. "So only Chaos or father can take hold of this weapon."**

Crona: If he's going to ignore that last part, should we?

Raven: Probably.

**Just then a sword pierced his heart from behind.**

**"Ugh! Who is that?" he said as he looked up and saw a shadowy figure.**

**"The sword is mine!" the figure yelled as it pierced Ryuuren's heart again.**

**"You idiot! You wont be able to wield it!" Ryuuren yelled at the figure.**

**"Oh yeah? Let's find out!" the figure said as he moved towards the sword. But as he took hold of it the sword 's barrier released itself and began to consume the figure.**

**"Idiot…ugh." Ryuuren said as he drifted into eternal sleep.**

****END OF DREAM****

Crona: …*holds face in hands* He just…it just said…

Raven: *pats Crona's back* I know, I know.

**Ryuuren awoke several hours later in a cold sweat.**

**"What the hell was that?" he asked himself, trembling. "Maybe a premonition? Maybe I should send someone there to find it. Wait! Could it mean that either Sesshomaru or Inuyasha can wield that powerful weapon?"**

Subarashii: It said "unborn brother". They were both born. So how the hell do you draw that conclusion?

**He almost jumped out of his seat when he heard knocking on his door.**

**"Enter." He said, trying to remain calm.**

**"Why are you still up here? Aren't you supposed to be making Kikyo human again?" Inuyasha said as he entered.**

**"Shut up Inuyasha. I'll do it in a minute."**

**"Yeah, sure you will."**

**"Get off my back!" Ryuuren snapped.**

**What the hell's gotten into you all of a sudden?" Inuyasha asked.**

Crona: I guess even Fixer Stus get stressed out from so much…fixing.

**"Its…none of your concern." He said rising from his seat. "Now, I have a job to take care of."**

**"Bout time!" Inuyasha said as he followed him out the door.**

**Courtyard…**

**"You don't look so good master Ryuuren. Are you okay?" A concerned Kari asked.**

**"I'm fine." He lied. In truth, his dream had drained him of all his energy and had him worried about the future.**

Raven: Yeah, we kind of gathered that, thank you.

**"Well, shall we do this?"**

**"Yes, I'm ready." Kikyo said.**

**"Very well. Sesshomaru, hand me my Soul Reaver."**

**"Right" he said as he handed the sword to him.**

**As Ryuuren took hold of Soul Reaver, he began to chant the ancient spell that he discovered.**

Subarashii: So…wait, can Soul Reaver actually bring people back to life, or is this all on the Stu?

Crona: I'm guessing it's the latter.

**And as he began to chant the sword and Kikyo's body began to glow.**

**After a total of five minutes, the ritual was done. And Kikyo was truly amongst the ranks of the living.**

**"It…it worked!" she said shocked.**

**"I told you." Ryuuren simply said.**

**"I guess I owe you huh?"**

**"Don't worry about it."**

**"Well, now what?" Inuyasha said.**

**"I'm going back upstairs." Ryuuren said as he walked past everyone.**

**"Is it just me or does Ryuuren seem to be more, I don't know, scared?" Sango asked.**

Raven: And you figured this out…how?

**"Not really." Ran lied. **_**'What's with Ryuuren? He seems…disturbed.'**_

**"He's worried, I think." Sesshomaru answered.**

**"About what?" Kagome asked.**

**"I don't know." Sesshomaru lied. For he knew the true reason he was worried.**

Raven: Yeah, we gathered that from the "lied" part.

_**'He would slaughter us. We wouldn't even leave a scratch on him.'**_** Ryuuren's words were still ringing in his head. **_**'Damn.'**_

**Area within Courtyard…**

**As Kagura sat on the bench watching her soon to be daughter Rin and Shippo play she felt at peace.**

**'**_**I can't believe I'm getting married tomorrow.'**_** She thought.**

Crona: Neither can I. But for different reasons.

**"Miss Kagura? Are you all right?" Rin asked.**

**Snapping back she answered, "Yes Rin, I'm fine. I was just thinking."**

**"Oh." She said before returning to play with shippo.**

**"I wonder what's going on over there?" she said looking to where Sesshomaru and the others were.**

**"Aya? Could you watch them?"**

**"Of course Lady Kagura." The young dog demon said.**

Raven: …it's not even worth mentioning, is it?

Subarashii: Not really.

Raven: …OC.

Subarashii: *sneezes*

**Kagura then walked over to where everyone was.**

**"What's going on?" Shippo asked Rin.**

**"I think they're talking about my uncle Ryuuren."**

**"Really?"**

**"At least I think so."**

**"Oh."**

Raven: …why all the useless dialogue?

Subarashii: Padding.

**Courtyard…**

**"What's going on?" Kagura asked as she made her way to Sesshomaru.**

**"We're talking about Ryuuren." Sesshomaru answered**

**"What's wrong with him." She asked.**

**"They think he's acting weird or something." Koga answered.**

**"No one asked for your opinion you mangy wolf." Inuyasha shot at koga.**

**"You wanna go mutt?" Koga shot back.**

Subarashii: When two Flanderized characters meet in the ring, who will come out on top? Tune in this Sunday only on Pay Per View!

**"You guys, stop it. Now should we just ask him?" kagome said.**

**"No. Even if we did, he's too stubborn to answer." Sesshomaru said.**

**"What do you mean, Sesshomaru?" Miroku asked.**

**"Well all three of us are considered stubborn. I'm stubborn when it comes to showing my true feelings.**

Subarashii: And yet he can admit that no problem.

**Inuyasha is stubborn when it comes to making decisions."**

**"Shut up!" Inuyasha yelled.**

**"And Ryuuren is stubborn when it comes to letting people know what's wrong with him."**

**"What? I don't get it." Kikyo said.**

Crona: I'm pretty sure Kikyo's supposed to be smarter than that…

**"Simply put, if he broke his arm, he'd keep it to himself."**

**"Oh I get it. So say if he was badly wounded, he wouldn't admit it." Sango said.**

**"Right."**

Raven: _He just said_-…oh, forget it. I give up with you people.

**"So how do we get him to admit it?" koga asked.**

**"We can't." Sesshomaru said bluntly**

**"What?"**

**"He'd only admit it to two people."**

**"And they would be?"**

**"Our parents."**

**"He might admit it to me." Kira said.**

**"I doubt it, but you can try."**

Subarashii: "You should get through to him, person that did nothing important until now!"

**"Fine. I'll do my best." Kira said before heading to Ryuuren's office.**

**Ryuuren's office…**

**"Ugh!" Ryuuren groaned as he clutched his chest and fell to the floor. "Damn it! I can't hold on anymore!"**

**And with that Ryuuren jumped out the window.**

**Courtyard…**

**Just as Kira was about to make her way to the office, Ryuuren flew out the window and landed several feet in front of her.**

**"Ryuuren? Are you all…?" She began but Sesshomaru stopped her.**

**"Get away from him! Aya! Take Rin and Shippo to safety!" He yelled.**

**"Yes Lord Sesshomaru!" she yelled as she gathered up the kids.**

**Another servant went to see if he was all right, but as he got close Ryuuren killed him in an instance.**

Crona: He must not get very many employees.

**"What's gotten into you Ryuuren?" Kira asked.**

**"Ki…ra…ru…run!" Ryuuren answered before gripping his head.**

**Then there was an explosion. The blast threw everyone back at least five feet.**

**Through the smoke and dust they all heard laughing.**

**"What's that?" Kagura asked.**

**As the smoke dispelled, they saw Ryuuren lying on the ground, and a figure standing next to him.**

**"Finally! After all these years, I live again!" Chaos shouted.**

Subarashii: "It's time to-"

Raven: It's still the wrong show!

Subarashii: Dammit!

**A/N: Whoa! Looks like the group is in big trouble. Chaos has finally been revived. Will he do as Ryuuren said he would? Or will he do something different entirely?**

Raven: I can bet you that we won't care.

**And what about the Devastator?**

Crona: What about it? Besides it being yet another sword that you don't need?

**Find out in Chapter 13:Chaos unleashed. This quote is from Aqua Teen Hunger Force.**

**Frylock: ****I figured it was time to invest in a high definition plasma screen T.V.**

**Meatwad:**** I thought you said T.V. was bad.**

**Frylock:**** It is. But we F##cking need it!**

Subarashii: If I was promised one of those, I might be more enthusiastic about doing this…

**INSERT RECAP HERE**

Subarashii: _Will you stop that_?

**Chapter 13: Chaos unleashed**

**"Well, well, well. It looks if though little Ryuuren isn't as tough as he says he is!" Chaos said picking up Ryuuren by the throat.**

**"Wha…What…do…you…want…Chaos?" Ryuuren struggled to say, Chaos' hand crushing his windpipe.**

**"Isn't it obvious? I want you to die!" he yelled as he tossed Ryuuren aside like a rag doll.**

All: Hooray!

**"So, who's next?"**

**"Tch! Arrogant bastard! I'll take you on!" Inuyasha yelled as he unsheathed Tetsusaiga.**

**"Ahh. So, you must be father's, how should I put this? Oh yeah, mistake!" Chaos cruelly said.**

Crona: …no comment…

**"What! You shut up!"**

**"Haha! Why don't you make me Half-Breed?"**

**"No problem! Wind Sc…" Inuyasha started to swing his sword but Sesshomaru stopped him.**

**"Inuyasha, stop." He said.**

**"Sesshomaru? Why are you helping him?"**

**"I'm not." He said pointing to Ryuuren.**

**"Oh, right." Inuyasha said as he charged at Chaos.**

Subarashii: No, no, go ahead! You'd be doing us a huuuuuge favour!

**"Hmph. This should be fun." Chaos said as he waited for the impact.**

**"That mutt is going to get killed!" Koga said.**

Raven: Hopefully.

**"What do you mean? Inuyasha won't lose!" Kagome said.**

**"I don't know. Something about him, just thinking about is making my fur stand on edge." Koga admitted.**

**"Hmm! Pathetic half-breed!" Chaos yelled.**

**Everyone turned to where Chaos and Inuyasha had been fighting to see that Chaos had Inuyasha by the throat.**

**"Inuyasha!" kagome yelled.**

**Chaos then reached for Tetsusaiga with his free hand.**

**"Is he crazy? He won't be able to touch the Tetsusaiga! The barrier will reject him!" Sango said.**

**But as soon as she said that Chaos had taken hold of Tetsusaiga.**

Raven: _Of course_.

**And as he did he tossed Inuyasha into a clear area.**

**"Inuyasha, You and your wretched mother caused my father's death! If he weren't trying to rescue you, he'd still be alive!" he yelled.**

**He was about to swing the sword when he recalled a memory of his mother.**

Subarashii: …dear God, _another fucking flashback_?

**A Really Long time ago…**

Crona: Was when we should've stopped reading this.

**"**_**Lord Inutaisho! You must come quick!" the demon said.**_

**"**_**What is it? What's wrong?" Inutaisho asked.**_

**"**_**It's Lady Sena! Her condition is worsening!"**_

**"**_**Sena? Let's go!" he yelled as they ran to his chambers.**_

Subarashii: Jesus, how many women did Inuyasha's dad sleep with? Seriously.

**Inutaisho's chambers…**

**"**_**My dearest, I am not long for this world." Sena told her husband.**_

**"**_**You can't be serious Sena! Maybe there's something…" he started but her lips stopped him.**_

**"**_**You can take care of our son. That's what you can do." She said softly, tears in her eyes.**_

**"**_**Mother?" they heard a voice say.**_

**"**_**Dagon! What are you doing here? I told you to…" Inutaisho started but Sena held up her hand.**_

**"**_**Come here my son." She said softly.**_

_**As Dagon walked forward, he couldn't help but feel time slow around him.**_

**"**_**Yes mother?" he asked.**_

**"**_**I need to tell you something. Inutaisho? Could you leave us alone for awhile?"**_

**"Uh, sure. Only for a little bit." He said as he turned and left the room.**

**"**_**Dagon. I want you to promise me something."**_

**"**_**Okay."**_

**"**_**I want you to promise me that you will always listen to your father. And support him, no matter how much you might despise the fact that he may find a new mate."**_

**"**_**Mother, what are you…"**_

**"**_**Dagon! Listen to me."**_

**"**_**I am."**_

**"**_**If you ever have another brother, I want you to protect him. And, if your father happens to marry a human woman, I don't want you to hate her or their child. Understand?"**_

Raven: …those are some oddly specific requests to make when you're on your deathbed.

**"**_**I do mother."**_

**"**_**Promise?"**_

**"**_**Promise." Dagon said as he felt the tears in his eyes.**_

**"**_**My son. You must be strong! For me! Okay?" she said smiling.**_

**"**_**Right."**_

**"**_**Now go get your father and go to bed. All right?"**_

**"**_**Okay." He said as he went to get his father.**_

_**When he got his father, he went to his room and cried the hardest he ever had that night. His father also cried that night as he held his wife's lifeless body in his arms.**_

**"**_**From now on, my name is no longer Dagon. It is Chaos!" he yelled into his pillow before falling to sleep.**_

Subarashii: Well that explains why that name is so bad. He came up with it when he was a kid!

**'Mother? Right.' He thought as he threw the sword towards Inuyasha's body.**

**"Where are you going Chaos?" Sesshomaru asked.**

**"Does it matter? I don't belong anywhere."**

**"That's not true!" Kira said.**

**"It is! I've turned my back to my brothers! I've turned my back to my father! And worst of all, I've broken the promise I made with my mother on her deathbed!" he yelled.**

Subarashii: …oh, fan-fucking-tastic. Not only do we have a Fixer Stu, we also have a token angsty bitch Stu. I'm honestly amazed that this fic just got worse.

**"Chaos?" Kira said softly.**

**"Kira. He won't listen to you." Koga said.**

**"Chaos? No, Dagon?"**

**"Don't call me that!"**

**"Why? That's the name your mother gave you!" she yelled.**

**Just then he remembered more of that memory.**

Crona: _MORE_? Just…I can't take more, guys…

Raven: It'll be OK! We're almost done! …I hope.

**Dagon had awakened that morning felling nothing but sorrow. He was sitting on his bed when Kira came in and sat next to him.**

**"Dagon? Are you all right?" Kira asked.**

**"I'm fine." He lied.**

**"Look, Dagon. I'm sorry about your mother."**

**"It's okay."**

**"Dagon." She said as she moved closer to him.**

**"What?"**

**"Is there anything I can do to cheer you up?"**

**"I don't think so."**

**"Oh, okay." She said disappointed. "Well, for what it's worth, you still have me." She said blushing.**

**"Thanks, Kira. Really." He said as he hugged her.**

**Then she kissed him. And his pain faded as if it were never there to begin with.**

**"I love you." She whispered.**

Subarashii: …let me reiterate: _WE DON'T CARE ABOUT THESE CHARACTERS_!

**When he awoke from his memory, Kira had pressed her lips against his.**

**"I love you." She said again. Just like before.**

**He then pushed her away.**

**"You were in love with Dagon. Well, he's dead." He said as he turned and left the fortress. "Oh. And if anyone tries to follow me, I will kill you without mercy! Even you, Kira!"**

Subarashii: How can you kill _with_ mercy, anyway?

Crona: Depends on your definition of the term…

**After he left, everyone started to question his powers.**

**"He's pretty tough!" Sango said.**

**"Hey, maybe he can kill Naraku." Koga said.**

**"Maybe?" they heard Ryuuren say. "He ****can**** kill him!"**

**"So, your finally up." Sesshomaru asked.**

**"Shut up. What happened?"**

**Then everybody filled him in with what happened.**

**"Hmm. This does not bold well." Ryuuren said.**

Raven: Considering this probably means this'll be dragged out even longer, you're right.

**"What about Inuyasha?" Kagome asked.**

**"Right." Ryuuren said. "Put him in the infirmary."**

**"All right. Come help will ya Sesshomaru?"**

**"Let him walk on his own. I have bigger things to take care of." He said as he grabbed Kagura's hand.**

Crona: Can't we just let this affront to actual love die already?

**A/N: Well this chapter has quite the twist.**

Raven: Whatever it was, we either missed it, or didn't care enough to acknowledge it.

**You learn bout chaos' past. next chapter will take areally long time cause i'm on spring break. no qoute this time.**

Subarashii: If only Spring Break could last forever…and not just because it means this guy will never update.

Raven: *groan*

**Chapter 14: Encounter under the moon.**

**It took Chaos thirty minutes to distance himself from them. Finally he felt a little better. But then he felt as if he was being watched.**

**"Who goes there?" he asked.**

**"I think you would know your own sister," A figure said as the shadows dimmed down her face, making it hard to see.**

Subarashii: How many more family members do you need?

**"You are no kin to me."**

**"How can you say that Dagon? We've known each other for years."**

**"I have no idea what you are talking about. I have no sister."**

**"Whatever. Anyways, I know of a way to revive your mother."**

**"What! You're lying!"**

**"I would never lie to you, Dagon." The figure said**

**"How?"**

**"Use Soul Reaver."**

Raven: So Soul Reaver _can_ bring back the dead?

Crona: It's still the Stu's fault…somehow.

**"Fine. But if you're lying…" he started.**

**"You'll kill me, blah, blah, blah." The figure said.**

**"You've got guts mocking me. But I'll let it go this once." He said after leaving to get Soul Reaver.**

**"Sorry, Ryuuren." The figure said as she stepped forward and turned out to be none other than Maya. "Actually, I'm not! You'll pay for breaking my heart!" she said as she laughed manically.**

Subarashii: …shouldn't we say it?

Raven: We say it when the twist is obvious, not when it makes no sense.

**Naraku's Fortress…**

**"Great! Just great!" Naraku said. "Now there's even more people on Ryuuren's side. Huh?"**

**He had noticed that Kanna's mirror had picked up a sight of Chaos.**

**"Who is that? What the hell is going on?" he said with a sigh.**

Subarashii: In a nutshell, you've been shoved aside for wooden, token characters. Sucks, dude.

**Forest…**

**As Chaos was rushing back another memory of his mother came to his mind.**

Crona: …*starts crying*

Raven: Crona…it's not that bad…

Crona: I…I can't take this anymore! Why can't they just stay with the story…? Why do they have to do so many flashbacks…?

_**'Ugh! You're as strong as ever dear. That's one of the reasons I fell in love with you!' Inutaisho said to his wife.**_

**'**_**Hmph! Don't try to talk you're way out of this fight, my dear husband!' Sena said as she attacked him again.**_

**'**_**Slow down dear! You may hurt yourself or…"**_

**"**_**Or you!' she yelled.**_

**'**_**Wow! Your mom is pretty strong.' Kira said.**_

**'**_**Of course she is! Why else would lord Inutaisho merry her?' Mizuki asked.**_

**'**_**Good looks?' Seta said**_

Subarashii: _ANOTHER GODDAMN_-

Raven: Wait. Isn't that Sesshomaru's supposed mother? Why is she there?

**'**_**Will you both just shut up talking about Dagon's mom like that?' Miyuki said**_

**'**_**Oh be quiet Miyuki!' they both yelled.**_

Subarashii: …*starts crying too*

Raven: Oh, come on guys!

Subarashii: Too many…too many damn characters…can't take this shit anymore…

Crona: Why…why can't they just stay in the present…?

**'**_**Whatever. Oh Dagon? Doesn't your mom have a sister?' Miyuki asked.**_

**'**_**Huh? You mean my aunt Haruka. Yeah. She lives in the eastern lands.' Dagon said.**_

**'**_**The Eastern Lands? How come she never visits?'**_

**'**_**I don't know.'**_

**'**_**Maybe she will come some day.'**_

**'**_**She is supposed to be coming today or tomorrow.' Sena said.**_

Raven: …I am not going to cry. This is fine. We're almost done. One more OC won't change how bad this is.

Subarashii: *sneezes*

**'**_**Mother! Wait, where's father?'**_

**'**_**Over there.' She said pointing to Inutaisho who was on the ground panting.**_

**'**_**I thought you were going to go easy one me!' he yelled at her.**_

**'**_**Wow! She actually beat Lord Inutaisho!' Seta said.**_

Subarashii: And she dies in the backstory. How convenient.

Raven: …misogynistic, almost.

**"Hmm. I'd forgotten that. Maybe I should go and see Aunt Haruka." Chaos said as he ran towards the fortress gate.**

All: NO!

Crona: No more OCs! PLEASE!

Subarashii: *sneezes*

**Inside the fortress…**

**"So, Kagura, what's the plan?" kagome asked.**

**"Huh? What plan?" Kagura asked.**

**"Oh don't act so modest. We know you're planning to do something after the wedding." Sango said.**

**"What! Well, that's…" she started.**

**"That is best kept between a husband and his wife. Wouldn't you say so Kagura?" Kikyo said.**

**"Of course!"**

Raven: Fic, these are images I neither need nor want in my head!

**"What do you think they're talking about?" Sesshomaru asked.**

**"Who knows? Maybe girl talk or something I don't know." Koga said.**

**"Well, you know…Huh? He's back!" Ryuuren said.**

**"Who? You don't mean Chaos do you?" Miroku said.**

**"That's exactly who he means." Koga started. "My fur is standing on end again!"**

Subarashii: And why is he…forget it, I can't bring myself to care anymore…

**Then they heard a commotion outside.**

**"Halt! You cannot enter!" the demon said.**

**"Oh yeah? And who's going to stop me? You? Don't make me laugh!" Chaos said. "Now make way before I kill you!"**

**"Why is Chaos back?" kagome asked.**

Crona: Good question.

**"I don't know! Why are you asking me?" Sango said.**

**"I said Make Way!" Chaos shouted.**

**"I can't do that!" he said.**

**"Very well. You leave me no choice." Chaos said. **_**'Maybe I should try to use it again. It might not be that tiring anymore.' **_**He then brought his arms against his chest.**

**"Chaos Blast!" as he shouted this, a small blast of energy blasted the guard through the gate and destroyed it.**

**"Oh Damn! He's mastered it!" Ryuuren said.**

Crona: Of course he did…*sigh* At least there isn't anything else he's going to shamelessly copy.

Others: …

Crona: …I just jinxed it, didn't I?

**"That's right Ryuuren! Now give me back what you stole from me."**

**"What do you mean?"**

**"You know damn well what I mean! Give me back Soul Reaver!"**

**"I won it fair and square! The sword is mine."**

**"Fair and square? You won because of a cheap shot!"**

**"Yeah? So what? I still won!"**

**"Ryuuren, I will not ask you again. If you don't hand me the sword…I will kill you!"**

**"Why don't you go and get the Devastator? It's stronger that this sword." **_**'What the hell? Why did I tell him?'**_

Raven: Because you're either an idiot or hopelessly lost in your Fixer Stuness.

Subarashii: Hell, maybe both.

**'Oh yeah. I forgot that Soul Reaver was made from devastator.'**

Crona: …*face in hands* *muffled frustrated scream*

Raven: Almost done…you can get through this, Crona…

**"Whatever. Next time, I won't ask for something I want!" he said as he ran towards the area where he had once died.**

**"What was that about?" koga asked.**

**"Someone told him about Soul Reaver's ability to revive anyone." Ryuuren said.**

**"What do you mean?"**

**"Soul Reaver gets stronger with each soul it devours. Simply put, if you kill one person with Soul Reaver, you can revive one person with it too."**

**"Oh. I get it now." Sesshomaru said. "Wait. Then could you revive father?"**

**"I don't see why not. But do you think he wants to come back?"**

**"I don't know."**

Subarashii: Oh, sure, why not! Cause some more errors in continuity!

(somewhere, an author is shot for shameless name-dropping)

**Forest…**

**As Chaos was walking trough the woods, he noticed a female demon resting at the lake.**

**"Hmm. Who is that?" Chaos asked himself.**

**"Huh? That demon is watching me. I wonder why." Ayane said as she rested her head on her knees.**

Subarashii: …*screams*

**"Hmm. So she's a wolf demon. She looks…good" 'What the hell's the matter with me? She's a wolf!'**

**'So, he's a dog demon. Well, he's pretty cute.'**

Crona: So we're just going to drop the thing with Kira, then?

Raven: It's probably for the best.

**"Why are you sitting there?" Chaos asked as her walked towards her.**

**"Oh, I'm just resting."**

**"Ah. So," he started as he sat next to her, "why are you resting? Tired?"**

**"No reason in particular."**

**"Ah. Well, what's your name?"**

**"Ayane. Yours?"**

**"Da…I mean Chaos."**

**"Chaos huh? I like it."**

Subarashii: That's because you're _A FUCKING IDIOT_!

**"Really? Most people shiver when they here it."**

**"Well, it is pretty chilly out here." She said giggling.**

**"Oh! Are you trying to be funny?"**

**"Kinda. Was I not?" she flirted.**

Subarashii: …no. You weren't. Not even slightly. Please die somewhere.

**"Oh no, you were funny. So, where are you from?"**

**"The northern mountains. You?"**

**"The western lands."**

**"Oh! You didn't happen to see a wolf by the name of koga did you?"**

**"Hmm? I don't think so." 'Wait, that wolf with Ryuuren, was that Koga?'**

**"Oh, well that's okay."**

**"Hmm. Wow. Look at that." Chaos said pointing to the sky.**

**"Oh wow! A full moon! It's beautiful."**

**"Almost as beautiful as you." Chaos trailed off.**

Crona: …

Raven: …are you OK?

Crona: …no. No I'm not. I'm gonna need another week or two before I can be OK again.

Ragnarok: For the love of God, NO!

**'What the hell! Why am I acting like this?'**

**"Did you just say something?"**

**"Huh? No, I was just… I don't know."**

**"Oh really?" she said giggling. 'He thinks I didn't hear him? He's a pretty sweet guy.'**

**"Well, what now?"**

**"What do you mean?"**

**"I am going on a short quest, and I was wondering if you would like to join me?"**

**"How long is this "short" quest?"**

**"Maybe a day, if not shorter."**

**"Well, yeah I guess I can join you. But can we leave tomorrow?"**

**"Sure."**

**"Great! Well, shall we go to bed?"**

**"What! You mean, together?"**

Raven: …guys? If you would be so kind?

All: *sextuple facepalm*

**"What? No, that's not what I meant, I meant in that cave over there."**

**"That didn't really help your explanation of what you meant."**

**"Wha… I meant we should go to sleep so we can leave in the morning."**

**"Oh. You go ahead."**

**"What? You're not going to sleep?"**

**"No I'll keep watch."**

**"Okay. I'll see you in the morning then." She said as she walked towards the cave.**

**"Right." Chaos said but than hoped up and went to the cave.**

**"Wha… what are you doing? I thought you were keeping watch?"**

**"I am. I don't want to get wet."**

**"What are you talking about it's not…." But before she could finish her sentence she heard thunder rumbling and saw rain falling. "Never mind."**

**"Well, are you going to sleep?"**

**"Yeah, I am." She said as she laid down next to where Chaos was sitting. "Goodnight."**

**"Goodnight." 'what am I doing here?'**

Subarashii: Dragging this out to the point of being torture, that's what!

**A/N: Well it's finally here! Sorry it took so long. I've had writers block.**

Subarashii: I'll beat your fucking skull in with a block if you don't STOP!

**I also had to do independent study(staying after school to make up a credit) and stuff like that.**

Raven: Way too easy to comment on that.

**Also I had gotten Metalocalypse season 1 & 2 and Red vs. Blue season 1-5 & Reconstruction so I was busy watching those while I came up with ideas. I got bad news too, I just picked up the original Final Fantasy 7 so that's going to keep me busy. But I'll try to finish the next chapter as soon as possible.**

Crona: Please…please…don't.

**This quote is from Metalocalypse season 2.**

**Murderface:**** Well [bleep] all of you! I'm keeping that song for Planet Piss.**

**Toki: ****so I'ms in Planet Piss now?**

**Murderface: ****No [bleep] you! You're not in Planet Piss, you [bleep]ing greedy asshole! No!**

**Toki: ****I'll [bleep]ing sues you, Murderface, that's mine! (Picks up a basket of hot towels)**

**Murderface: ****What are you [bleep]ing doing? (Random lisping) Are you going to throw a basket of hot towels at me?**

**Toki:**** yes, I'm gonna throws a basket of hot towels at you!**

**Murderface:**** Well, I don't think you should!**

**Toki: ****Why not?**

**Murderface: ****Because those towels are really hot! Don't [bleep]ing throw hot towels, you lunatic!**

Subarashii: Death by hot towels…that sounds like something Freddy Kruger would come up with when he was on some seriously bad drugs.

**Chapter 15:A past forgotten**

**When Ayane woke from her slumber she noticed that Chaos was nowhere to be found.**

All: HOORAY!

**'**_**Hmm. I wonder where he went? **_**She thought as she got up. "Chaos?"**

**As she left the cave she began looking around to see if he was around.**

**"Chaos?" She called again.**

**"Yeah? Is something wrong?"**

**Ayane gasped when she heard him answer and then turned to see where his voice had came from. As she looked up she saw Chaos sitting on top of the cave under a tree.**

All: DAMMIT!

**"Oh, there you are. Well, shall we get going?" She Asked.**

**"Ayane. We need to talk." He said as he jumped from the ledge.**

**"About what?"**

**"Well…." He started as he landed in front of her. "I…I don't think you should come with me"**

Subarashii: GOOD! Get rid of her before we have to endure more hackneyed romance between two characters no one cares about!

**"Why not? Is there something wrong?" She asked.**

**"Well…" Chaos then began to tell her about everything in his past and all he had done.**

**"Oh…I see." Ayane said.**

Crona: …that's not the usual reaction one should have once they hear about someone's dark past.

Raven: Indeed.

**"I've done a lot of horrible things in my past. That's why I can't risk bringing you along with me. Because that dark past may resurface within me and cause me to harm you."**

Crona: …*incoherent mutterings*

**"Well, isn't that why it's called the past?" Ayane questioned him.**

**"Huh?" He said. The questioned had caught him off guard. "What do you mean?"**

**"If you hang onto the past, then it will always end up following you. But, you have a choice in that matter. You either choose to hold onto the past, or you can let it go. You can choose to let go of all the bad memories and only hang onto the good."**

**"Hmm." Chaos sighed. **_**'Maybe she's right. Maybe if I throw away the bad I can move on with my life. But…'**_

**"Well?"**

**"You're right. You're a lot wiser than you let on ya know."**

Crona: _NO SHE ISN'T_! You can't just say "well it's the past" and expect people to get over it! It doesn't work like that! There's this little called, you know, GUILT!

**"Huh? Me? Wise? No way."**

**"But you are."**

**"If you say so. Now, shall we get going?"**

**"Yeah. Let's go."**

**As Ayane and Chaos left for their adventure, Maya stepped out from the trees.**

**"He's trying to forget the past? Oh damn it! That stupid wench!" Maya Growled. '**_**Now I have to come up with another idea… wait that's it! I just to him!'**_** "Naraku." Maya said before laughing.**

Subarashii: Oh, yeah, the villain that was pushed aside and belittled at every opportunity will be the one to take care of him. Riiiiight.

**A/N: Well it's been too long hasn't folks?**

Raven: Not long enough…

**Sorry about that. After graduating I was going to start writing again, but then I ended up getting an Xbox 360 so… yeah. Then I forgot I even had a story till I saw the folder on my computer while freeing up space. And I've been busy writing bios for my Shadowrun characters. It's just been really hectic lately. I honestly have no idea when the next chapter will be done.**

Subarashii: NEVER! Never ever ever ever, because WE ARE DONE!

/

The lights slowly came back on as all three slumped back in their chairs, clearly exhausted.

"Fina-fucking-ly, we're finished!" Subarashii cried out, receiving only weak nods from the other two.

He groaned, sitting up and pulling out his pocket watch. "Jesus…feels like we've been here at least a week…"

Raven sighed, sitting up as well. "So…let's see: We have a bad Fixer Stu, characters' personalities being narrowed down to stereotypes, romances for no reason other than to pair characters off, overpowered characters that are related to members of the main cast, characters showing up for no reason other than to be there, no real plot at all, flashbacks to the point that it's three quarters of the entire story, and most notably, _way too many OCs_."

Subarashii sneezeed, then looked over at Raven, rubbing his nose. "Honestly, why do people feel the need to shoehorn their own characters in? Why can't they just work with the characters from the fandom?"

Raven shrugged. "Either lack of confidence in keeping with the characters, which means that they probably shouldn't be writing to begin with, or they just want to do things "their way"."

Subarashii rubbed his eyes while Raven continued. "And while we're at it, why do these people feel the need to "fix" things, anyway? What gives them the right to decide what should and shouldn't be in a story they didn't write? How arrogant can you be?"

"W-Well…I can sort of understand where they're coming from…"

Both Subarashii and Raven stared at Crona for a few minutes as though he just said that babies taste delicious. Subarashii was the first to speak.

"Kid…you're really going to have to walk us through this one…"

Crona frowned. "Well…like it or not, people do get attached to these characters…and we don't like to see people we get attached to suffer, right?"

He slowly curled up, hugging his knees to his chest. "I mean, if I could make sure my friends didn't suffer anymore…if I could make sure they never suffered at all…why wouldn't I do it…?"

Subarashii and Raven stared at Crona for another minute or so, before looking at one another. The wheels started turning in Subarashii's head, and after a bit, a grin broke out on his face as he gave Crona a pat on the shoulder.

"Why are you worrying about stuff like that? You got more important things to think about!"

Crona looked up, confused. "Eh?"

Subarashii then got out of his seat, pulling Crona out of his as well. "You know what I'm talking about! Get going! It's rude to keep a lady waiting, you know!"

Crona flushed as it dawned on him. "W-Wait, when did I-"

He didn't get to finish, as the captain ran behind him and started pushing him up the stairs. "You go back home and have fun with Maka for another week or so, and we'll see you bright and early next time!"

Despite Crona's protests, Subarashii pushed him all the way to the doors. Crona eventually gave in, saying his goodbyes to the two before leaving the theater.

Subarashii slowly came back down the stairs, flopping into his seat, smile already gone.

"We don't ever tell them."

Raven looked at Subarashii, clearly surprised. "…even if it's true?"

"Even if. As far as they're concerned, we never discussed the matter. True or not, we can't do that to them."

Raven got to her feet, crossing her arms as she turned to the captain. "Why the sudden change of mind? You were practically screaming about telling them the truth earlier."

Subarashii simply stared ahead, not responding. After a few minutes, Raven sighed, picking up her books and walking past the captain.

"Suit yourself. I'll see you next time."

Just as Raven started to go up the steps, Subarashii spoke.

"What would you do…?"

Raven stopped. "…what would I do…about what?"

"If it was you. If it was you and not him…would you want someone to tell you?"

Raven frowned as she looked at the captain, thinking very carefully about what to say. "…I'm not Crona, Subarashii. What I would do wouldn't help us figure out what _he_ would do."

The captain didn't move to respond, and Raven took the cue to ascend the stairs and exit the room. The captain was left alone, the only thing keeping him company being his thoughts.

/

FINALLY. Dear God in heaven, that was brutal!

I'm gonna need a short break after that monster, but send your questions/requests anyway!

Also, a gigantic thank you to a friend of mine for all the help she gave me with regards to Inuyasha knowledge and making sure I'm still writing this. I'd give a name, but she doesn't have an account here for you to shower with praise, so it wouldn't really work.

(That was a hint.)

Anyway, be seeing you guys soon, even if not in the way you expect!


	13. Story 7: Thorny Rose Zone

So for those of you wondering what I meant by "seeing me again not in the way you expect"…

Spinoff! Check my profile for another story featuring Crona and Maka reviewing Soul Eater fanfics! If you have any future suggestions for Soul Eater stories, say so there!

Actually, there will be mention of that in today's chapter, so you should probably have a look, if only so you're not confused.

At any rate, off we go!

/

"You gotta be fucking kidding me!"

Raven winced as Subarashii's voice broke her concentration. She had been trying to focus on the book in her hands, but Subarashii's and Crona's now louder conversation was making that nigh impossible.

"You mean to tell me you and Maka were here, reviewing a story, _by yourselves_?"

"Y-Yeah…that's not a problem, is it?"

Raven had noticed that Crona's previous upbeat nature had disappeared. She assumed it had something to do with this other session he was a part of, and whatever happened there had ruined his seemingly everlasting good mood. Now he was back to being the same old Crona.

"Well, yeah! What, did this guy think I didn't want to see Maka? How inconsiderate is that?"

"…you know, you're getting a little creepy when it comes to Maka…"

"You're just reading into things too much!" Subarashii then pointed at Raven. "She knows she's awesome!" Then at himself. "I know she's awesome!" Then at Crona. "You _definitely_ know she's awesome! So why can't we all revel in her awesomeness?"

Crona flushed slightly as Raven closed her book with a snap. She placed it beside her and turned to glare at Subarashii.

"Don't you think she deserves a break from this, Subarashii? The poor girl practically had her mind shattered the first time she was here, and that was before we even got to the story. Honestly, I'm surprised she even came back."

Subarashii grinned, giving a thumbs-up. "That's just more proof of her awesomeness!"

Raven grumbled, rubbing her forehead as Subarashii took his seat, resuming the conversation with Crona. "So, is this a permanent thing now? You two are going to be tackling the fics focused on your world?"

Crona fidgeted, rubbing his hands a bit. "I-I think so…b-but I don't know if Maka will want to do this anymore…"

"Aw, come on! It couldn't have been _that_ bad!"

"N-No…not for her…"

Crona had since curled up in his chair, knees to his chest, face obscured. He was shaking slightly, and there was a distinct gloom coming off of him.

"Uh…you OK, man?" Subarashii asked cautiously.

"…don't want to move…cave better than that…"

Subarashii edged away slightly, while Raven slowly placed Crona's letters in his lap.

"I'm thinking now's a good time to focus on something else, right?" she suggested. Crona uncurled slightly, taking one of the envelopes and ripping it open.

_1 can you actually talk to maka about the reviews after she saw that one?_

"W-Well, I did tell her about the other ones…though I try not to talk about them too much…"

Subarashii grinned. "What, you embarrassed of us, Crona?"

"W-What? No, th-that's not what I-"

"He's teasing you again." Raven interjected. "Just keep reading the questions."

_2 what's eruka and free really like?_

"I don't know…I never really talked to them much…"

_3 you win 1 millon dollars what do you spend the money on?_

"…I don't know…I guess I would go on a trip…somewhere."

Subarashii blinked. "Whaaaaaat? You'd blow a million dollars on a trip? That's crazy!"

Crona turned to Subarashii. "Th-Then…what should I get?"

"Well, it's a million dollars! Sure, that doesn't mean as much as it used to, but you could still buy something big with it! Like, you said something about moving, right? So just get a house of your own!"

Crona fidgeted. "N-No…that's OK…I'm fine with my room…"

"But it's just one dinky little room. You can't exactly do much of anything there besides sleep! Now, if you had your own house, Maka could come visit you rather than the other way around!"

Suffice to say, that got Crona's attention. He faced the screen, staring straight ahead as the wheels in his head turned. Then, that familiar _splortch_ was heard as Ragnarok burst out, grabbing onto Subarashii's collar.

"_Shut up you idiot_! The last thing I need is for them to be together more, and you're giving him fucking ideas! I swear, you're doing this just to piss me off, aren't you?"

Subarashii grinned as he pushed Ragnarok away from him. "No, but that's a nice bonus."

"Why you miserable pile of-"

"Ragnarok." Crona interrupted. "…we need to get a million dollars."

Ragnarok responded by grabbing Crona's cheeks and pulling back.

"OW!"

"_WE DO FUCKING NOT_! There is absolutely no way in Hell I'm about to help you steal a million bucks just so you can pester me even more with flat-chest-"

_WHAP_!

It was at that point that a book covered in black energy collided with Ragnarok's face. The impact caused Ragnarok to let go of Crona, before the book floated away from Ragnarok and back into Raven's hands.

"Raven Chop…perfected."

Subarashii shuddered as Ragnarok crawled back into Crona's body. _Oh dear God, we're all gonna die_.

Crona returned his attention to the letters, discarding the first one and opening the next.

_What's the last film you saw?_

"Um…Maka got me to watch the first Pirates of the Caribbean…I thought it was alright…"

Raven turned to look at Crona. "Just "alright"? It was better than alright. It was a well-crafted, well-acted, creative adventure that deserves all the praise it gets."

Crona simply stared at Raven in surprise, while Subarashii leaned over. "Wow, I didn't know you were such a fan. Why're you so protective of that movie?"

Raven very quickly turned away, facing the wall on the far end of the room. "N-No reason."

_Do you know how to use chop sticks?_

"Not really…we've never had a reason to use them…"

_Do you snore?_

"No…but I can safely say Ragnarok does…"

_Have you ever been abroad?_

"Y-Yeah, lots of times…"

Subarashii blinked. "Wait, if you travel a lot, why would you want to spend money on a trip?"

"Th-Those are for missions…it'd be nice to take a vacation…"

_What was the last thing you ate?_

Crona responded by holding up a bag of jellybeans. He then opened the bag and ate one.

"That."

Raven sighed. "I think she meant before that."

"Oh…oops."

_Do you like the rain?_

"I like listening to it…but only if it's just rain…thunderstorms are scary…"

_What quality in a person annoys you most?_

"Th-That's a tricky question…I can't really think of anything…"

Raven raised an eyebrow. "Really? Even though you live with Ragnarok?"

"…snoring."

"That was just because of the earlier question, wasn't it…?"

_Oranges or apples?_

"Apples, I guess…I think I mentioned that before…"

Crona tossed the letter aside and grabbed his last envelope.

_Are you paranoid? If so, how paranoid?_

"W-Well, I don't really have anyone to compare to…but I'd say…very."

_How did everyone figure out your gender? I mean, it is pretty confusing..._

Crona stared at the letter for a few minutes, silence filling the room. Both Subarashii and Raven were immediately on edge. The last time Crona had been this quiet following a question had not been pleasant by any means.

However, all Crona did was put the letter with the others, before muttering to them.

"…c-can we just act like we didn't read that…?"

"Uh…sure." Raven responded, grabbing one of her letters and opening it.

_alright i wont send in an angel/fang fic but ho about an ari/angel fic?_

"No, don't send us that either! In fact, don't send us anything involving Angel in a pairing, _period_! I don't care what's been done to us to make us do this, _I have my limits_!"

_favorite of the emotions in your head?_

"…are you really asking me which of my _emotions_ is my favourite? How…how do I even begin to answer a question like that?"

Subarashii blinked. "…I thought Crona was the one with voices in his head."

Crona turned to Subarashii. "I don't have voices in my head! W-Why do people keep saying that?"

Raven sighed, tossing the letter aside and picking up the next one.

_Where's your favorite place to be?_

"My room. Especially when I need some quiet."

_Have you ever given money to a homeless person?_

"Sometimes. After I help them to the nearest shelter and/or soup kitchen."

_Can you dance?_

"Wouldn't know. Never tried."

_Who is your favorite artist?_

"…well, what exactly do you mean? Artist in general, or musical artist? Either way, I'd say, "I don't have one.", but I'd like some clarification."

_What's your favorite flower?_

"I don't have much of a green thumb, so I have no answer."

_Can you whistle?_

Raven responded by whistling a tune that sounded distinctly like the theme from "Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood". When she finished, she shrugged.

"Apparently, I can."

_Do you believe in karma?_

"I'd like to think what goes around comes around…though that makes me more than a little concerned at times…"

Crona looked down, one of his hands squeezing the other. "…likewise…"

_What time did you wake up this morning?_

"About 8-ish. I'm usually the first one up."

Raven put her letter with the previous one and opened the last one in her pile.

_Chrona's poem was pretty intense, wasn't it?_

"…I suppose you think you're funny, reminding me of that."

Subarashii looked at Crona. "Honestly, I think you should be proud that you're capable of creating a Brown Note."

*TVTropes references: 27*

Raven twitched. "And would you stop doing that when we're not actually reviewing anything?"

_Have you ever had an imaginary friend?_

"…no, because that's just silly."

Crona tilted his head. "Not even when you were little…?"

"Not even. I had to focus all of my efforts in keeping my powers under control. And considering how hard that was when I was a child, I didn't have time for making friends, real or imaginary."

Crona frowned, turning away from Raven, though he would sometimes steal a glance or two. Subarashii was focused on going through his mail.

_subtitti(found the papper but left it out in the rain ink is smudged horribaly)_

"…you're doing this on purpose, aren't you?"

_if i give you a stick of dynamite, a pen, 3 bars gold, a rubberband and a rusty wheel could you mcgyver me a unicycle?_

"…OK, I'm not saying I couldn't, but…why the hell would I waste 3 bars of perfectly good gold?"

_i stole some of your gold what you gonna do?_

"I already retaliated. You'll find that the gold is gone from its hiding place, something from your body has been removed, and your mother is now pregnant. Congratulations."

Raven stared at the captain. "…that is an incredibly obvious bluff."

"And so is his, I was just playing along."

_besides your hat what's your most prized posesion?_

"Hmm…I'd have to say my ship. It's a beaut. You guys should see her."

Crona blinked as Subarashii grabbed his next letter. "Her?"

"It's sailor talk. We always call our ships "her". It's just tradition."

"…but you're a _space_ pirate…"

"And that makes me no less of a pirate!"

_If you could be King of the World for 30 seconds only, what would you do?_

Subarashii looked up, scratching his chin, clearly thinking hard about this. After about a minute, he looked forward.

"I would decree that after my time was up, the position would be retired, thereby ensuring that I would be the only King of the World and that no one would ever forget me."

Raven blinked. "…that's an awful lot of thought for an imaginary position."

"About that: once I conquer a planet, I will totally make that decree. I'll even squeeze you guys in as royal consultants or something."

"Gee, thanks."

_Have you ever thought about your death?_

"Not really. But if I did get to choose how I went out, I'd make sure it was in an epic space battle that ended with me ramming my ship at lightspeed into the enemy vessel, triggering a massive explosion that shook a few planets out of orbit. That's be going out in style."

_Do you talk in your sleep?_

"I have received no such complaints, so I think I can safely say no."

_Are you bilingual?_

"You kidding? With all the planets I've travelled to, and all the languages I've had to memorize, I think I'm _omnilingual_, biatch!"

_Who's the last person you wanted to punch?_

"…oh shit. I go through those every five minutes, so I can't even begin to think of the last one."

_What's your worst habit?_

"I have none. I'm perfect."

Raven sighed. "We could start with your constant bragging."

"People need to know about my perfection!"

_Have you ever stolen something?_

"…you want to know if the Greatest Space Pirate in the Universe™ has ever stolen something…please tell me you didn't think before you asked that."

_Do you collect anything?_

"Shiny, valuable things."

Raven frowned as Subarashii picked up his last letter. "Are you just purposely falling into a stereotype now?"

"Heaven forbid."

_How do you feel about your mom?_

"…what are you trying to imply? Is this a discreet "yo mama" joke?"

_Do you have any favorite stereotypes?_

"No, I don't. I think they should all die in a ditch, collectively. And their bodies should only be dug up for maximum comedic effect."

Subarashii tossed the last letter aside, slouching in his chair. "You know, I'm feeling too lazy to get today's assignment. One of you do it."

Raven rolled her eyes, using her powers to bring the letter over to her and opening it.

_Now that the drama is over, we can properly get back into the swing of things, for the time being._

_Today's fic is a Sonic the Hedgehog fic called Chaser Of Love Amy Rose, by chaoman16. Have at it, kiddies._

Subarashii sighed. "Oh Sonic, how far you have fallen. Once the pinnacle of platform gaming, now a crappy anime-based series with furry-fuel up the wazoo."

Crona grimaced slightly. "H-He can still make a comeback…"

"I won't hold my breath."

/

**Chaser of Love Amy Rose.**

**By**

**Chaoman16**

Subarashii: Incidentally, can someone explain the point of Amy Rose to me? Other than to provide stalkers with some false sense of hope?

Raven: Token female character?

Crona: I thought that was Rouge's job…

**First of all, I don't own Sonic or ANY of the trade marked characters.**

Raven: Which we are thankful for, as always.

**But the story is mine. I plan on making this into many chapters but I have no idea at this time as to how long the saga may be.**

Subarashii: A sentence. No, a phrase. A word, even!

**Heck, I may only do more of this if there is demand for it.. If not the story may die here.**

Crona: And no one will attend the funeral.

**Word of caution, this is my first story.**

Subarashii: Always a good sign.

**But enough of my ranting, on to the first (and hopefully not the last chapter) of this saga.**

Raven: I really hate how he calls this a "saga". That makes it sound a lot better than it probably is.

**The day was a gloomy in station square, due to the bad weather that kept her inside for the last two days. With her chao, Psy**

Raven: Wait, what? Amy doesn't have a Chao.

Crona: …_another one_?

Subarashii: We just can't escape them, can we?

**after they watched every romance movie they could think of they stared out the window wondering if the rain would stop soon,**

Crona: Seriously, I cannot deal with another one, guys…I was so exhausted after so many from the last one, Maka had to practically drag me off of my bed…

Subarashii: Ohhhhhhh, so Maka was within your sleeping quarters, was she?

Crona: Th-That's not what I meant! Y-You know that's not what I meant, Subarashii!

**so she could find the hedgehog she's lusts for… Sonic.**

Subarashii: OK, the fact that it says "lusts for" there actually says a lot about the character. This may actually be better-written than we expected.

Raven: Or the author could just be using the term as a substitution for "love", like an idiot.

Subarashii: Thanks for destroying my hopes, Raven…

Raven: My pleasure.

**"When will the rain stop?" Amy cried.**

**"In a day or two." Psy said.**

Raven: That's usually a sign of a monsoon, guys. You might want to prepare.

**Psy is Amy's chao that she raised from an egg she found three years ago. She was pink with red stripes and was a Hero flying chao that thinks of Amy as a sister, and is treated as such by Amy.**

Raven: They couldn't even come up with an original design? They just went with a Chao version of her?

Crona: Great, two of them…

**"I wonder how Sonic is doing?" Amy said**

**"He's alright, he's been around I'm sure something like rain won't be a problem to him and Tails."**

Subarashii: Oh, I'm sure he's "been around"…

Raven: You're reaching for a joke, Subarashii.

Subarashii: Hush.

**"Yeah psy, I just wish sonic would-"**

**"Proclaim his love for you?" Psy said bluntly.**

**Amy turned to her head to psy and said with passion in her voice "One day, me and sonic will be a husband and wife, and spend the rest of our days with one another on a private island. And have children of our own."**

Crona: …guys, I'm scared…

Subarashii: Don't worry, that's normal when dealing with a psycho stalker.

**"Are you always this delusional when bored?"**

Raven: "Or, in general?"

**GONG!**

**Amy hit Psy in the head with her Piko Piko hammer and said. "I AM NOT DELUSIONAL SIS!" Amy said in a voiced mixed with love and fury.**

Subarashii: Well, that Sue didn't last long.

Crona: "Mixed with love and fury"? …actually, that sounds just psychotic enough to be in character for her.

**Psy was tying to recover from the swift, and unexpected blow to the head.**

Subarashii: Wait, it's still alive? Have you seen the size of that hammer? You should be serving Chao pancakes right now!

Raven: It is a Sue, after all.

**The next day the rain stopped. Amy went out to look for sonic with Psy's help. They eventually found him at a chilly dog stand (BIG surprise right?)**

Crona: I've always wondered…where did that obsession with chilidogs start?

Subarashii: …you know, that's a good question.

**eating chilly dogs as if they would run from him if he looked away at them.**

Raven: Hang on, guys. Apparently these are "chilly dogs".

Subarashii: So, what, Sonic has a thing for cold hot dogs now?

Raven: Or frozen ones.

Subarashii: …ew.

**"THIS IS THE GUY THAT YOU WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR DAYS WITH?" Psy said in discuses.**

Crona: Ow…loud…

**"Uh-Hun" she said with content In her voice.**

**"He's so dreamy!" she harped.**

Raven: Perfect summation of why she's in love with Sonic.

**"Yeah…. IF YOU LIKE A GUY THAT IF YOU GOT NEAR HIM WHILE HE"S EATTING HE'D EAT YOUR ARM OFF SIS!"**

Crona: Seriously, why does she have to yell…?

**GONG!**

**Psy took another blow to the head with that hammer.**

Subarashii: And stay dead this time!

**"Where do you keep that thing?"**

**"I have a holster at my leg for It."**

Subarashii: DAMMIT!

**She quickly raced over to get her would be (parentheses on would be.) lover's attention,**

Crona: …uh, you mean quotations. Parentheses would be what you have around the aside. You know, the brackets?

Raven: Don't bother trying to educate the bad writers, Crona…

**and yelled-**

**"OHHHHHHHH SONNNNNIIIIICC!. It's me, your soon to be wife" she said.**

**Sonic nearly chocked on his chilly dog when he heard her say that to him.**

Crona: And no one could blame him…

Subarashii: Agreed.

**"uhhh uh uh… Amy what a surprise!" Soinc said in a panicked tone. He was getting sick of this. Day in, and day out, when ever Amy found him she declared herself Sonic's girlfriend which drove him sometimes to want to CHOCK the life out of her.**

Subarashii: Do it! Do it now! End this before it goes too far! No jury would convict you! Hell, they'll probably throw a parade in your honor!

**"What are you doing here?"**

**"Let's see I only live in the city my blue bombshell of looooovvvvvvee!"**

Raven: _Wow_, that's a bad one…

**"WILL YOU STOP WITH ALL OF THE PET NAMES? I'M NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND YOU STUPID- WHOAAAA!"**

**Sonic tripped and fell but Amy caught him quickly. Everyone that was there saw Sonic in Amy's arms, Sonic bounced out of her arms and ran out of embarrassment and yelled "STAY AWAY FROM ME YOU NIGHTMARE IN A PINK DRESS!"**

Crona: Uh…she has a red dress. Her fur is pink.

Subarashii: She is still a nightmare, though.

Crona: True…

**"YOU KNOW YOU LOVE THE WAY I LOOK IN THIS DRESS SONIC!" Amy cried.**

**"SIS YOUR MAKING A SCEEN, EVERYONE IS LOOKING AT YOU LIKE YOU ESCAPED FROM A MENTIAL INSTUTION!" Psy said.**

Raven: She must get those looks a lot.

**People at the stand, were whispering things like "What's with that woman?" and, "Is Sonic gay?" and " Is he afraid of commitment? Things like that.**

Subarashii: All valid questions.

**"I'll have you know he has the hot's for me!" Amy yelled.**

**"Yeah? and I'm a beauty queen!" said an old woman,**

Crona: …that doesn't really work. She could've been, when she was younger…or in a past life…or something.

**needless to say Amy was heart pressed.**

Subarashii: …*squints* "Heart pressed"?

Raven: …does anyone have the slightest clue what that could mean?

Crona: Maybe she has heart problems? Like pressure around the heart or something…?

Subarashii: We can only hope it's fatal.

**As the sun sunk into the night so did Amy's heart.**

Raven: Blech.

**"And I thought It would be a good day for her" Psy thought.**

**"One day he will come to you with open arms….. But not until it's time."**

**"I hope your right sis. Until then I will not give up. Someday Sonic Hedgehog you will be MINE" She said with fire in her heart, and hope in her soul.**

Subarashii: And a distinct lack of medication.

**Chapter 2**

**The next day we find sonic in neo city for some root beers, trying to forget about the near humiliation that happen in Station Square.**

Subarashii: *stands up* That reminds me, I gotta check something. Excuse me for a sec. *walks off-screen*

Raven: Uh…OK?

**The place Sonic was in was a eatery know as "Snack Heaven" famous for it's wide variety of food, and drinks. The place was brightly lit with pictures of all kinds of famous people who ate here before they were famous, and Jazz music filled the air. Sonic was knocking back a few root beers with his pal Tails.**

Crona: If they wanted to make a kid's bar, they could've just gone with a juice bar…that usually works…

Subarashii: Son of a bitch, I knew it!

Raven: What?

Subarashii: *walks on-screen, sits down* We have a snack table that can get us pretty much anything we want…and they don't have root beer slurpees!

Crona: …no one does.

Subarashii: That's the point! What, are these people afraid of money? Is there some deep dark secret behind the lack of root beer slurpees? Or would it be so delicious that anyone who tastes it would ascend to the heavens in pure bliss?

Raven: …you are putting _way_ too much thought into this.

Subarashii: I just want a frozen root beer treat! Is that so wrong?

**"Uh, sonic? don't you think you had three too may root beers?"**

**"God darn it Tails, I'll tell you when I had enough!"**

Subarashii: …*bursts out laughing*

Raven: …OK, that had to have been on purpose. It's way too ridiculous not to be.

**Sonic said with a mix of depression, and anger, and fell off his chair after he said he peace.**

Raven: And why is the author acting like Sonic's drunk?

Crona: Maybe root beer has the same effect on hedgehogs…?

Raven: That's just ludicrous enough to be used as a terrible explanation.

**"I was going to yell at you for snipping at me, but karma got you first!"**

**"Shove it Tails! I'm not in the mood for this!"**

**"Amy aging Sonic?"**

Crona: …well, technically-

Subarashii: Not worth it, Crona.

**"No, I'm happy because I was voted "Hottest Guy on the planet" YES IT'S AMY, YOU MORON!"**

Raven: a) why would they even have that in Sonic's world, and b) why would they vote for Sonic?

Subarashii: It raises so many questions that no one wants answered…

**Sonic started to break down In tears out of frustration for the sheer fact that Amy still fawn's over him, as Sonic is crying with he head on the table with Tails pat's Sonic's back trying to comfort his friend, Dr. Robotnick (A.K.A Eggman) came in to the place and noticed Sonic crying.**

Crona: …and no one has a problem with this? A mad scientist that attempted to take over the world multiple times just walks in and no one does anything?

**"So…" he said with a grin. "The Blue Streak is feeling (Pardon the pun) blue today?**

All: Ugh.

Subarashii: Congrats, you just gave the textbook example of an Incredibly Lame Pun.

*TVTropes references: 28*

**I've been hearing around town that Amy Rose have got your goat!"**

**Sonic lunged at light speed and punched Eggman in the mouth sending him to the ground. He simply got up and laughed it off**

Subarashii: Whoa, wait, what? If Sonic punched him in the face at lightspeed, he wouldn't have a head anymore! Stop screwing with the laws of physics, fanfic writers! _You're making Issac Newton cry_!

**and said,**

**"You know Sonic after an outburst like that I would send a machine of mine to torment you! However… since Amy's doing such a good job I'll take my leave."**

Raven: And the villains are idiots, as usual. It's almost comforting that there's a pattern to bad fanfics. It makes it so much easier to pick them out.

**And with that, Eggman went to leave. But just before he got out he slipped on a ice cube, hit the door, and got walked on by a chao, which made everyone laugh. Eggman left in a huff.**

Subarashii: Have to admit, poor attempts at slapstick is a new one.

**"Man that was cool!" grinned Tails**

**"Yeah, way past!" Sonic said.**

Crona: "That's my catchphrase, by the way. Did you know that?"

**Just then Psy flew into the eatery with a message for Sonic.**

**"Hello Sonic, Hello Tails!"**

**"Hi Psy!" Sonic and Tails said in unison.**

**"Your not here on Amy's behalf are you?" Sonic said with grief.**

Raven: Amy's personal Chao, talking to you on her behalf? Perish the thought.

**"Why yes I am. Sonic, why do you hate Amy?" Psy said curiously.**

Crona: "Because the only character trait she has is that she's an obsessive stalker?"

Subarashii: Get ready to have your theory crushed, Crona…

**Sonic was silent for about a minute, sorting through his mind. Trying to put into words the answer Psy wanted. Not even sonic was sure why he was still running away from Amy almost every time he saw her. "I must not hate her, I mean I care enough to look out for her" he thought. "and yet….when she tries to proclaim her love for me…. I run, but why?" he thought.**

Raven: Because you're not romantically interested in her, and because she's insane. Why is this so complicated?

**Finally he was ready to give his answer he took a deep cleansing breath and said…..**

**"Look Psy, It's not that I hate her it's just…."**

**"Just what!" Tails and Psy asked**

**"It's Just that…that-"**

**"HE'S SCARED OF COMITMENT!" Knuckles yelled into the air. He was listening to everything at the corner in the eatery. He walked to Sonic's table, Tails was trying to stop Sonic from beating the crap out of Knuckles.**

Subarashii: Oooh, wow, big insult there, Knux.

Raven: Well, women do generally hate men who can't commit. Which is probably why you're still single, Subarashii.

Subarashii: And you're basing this on what?

Raven: …

Subarashii: …oh shut up.

**"What did you say Knux!" Sonic said in a tone that may be taken as a roar.**

**"Nothing, except you're a user. Do you even care about the way Amy feels about you? Do you get a kick out of leaving her heart pressed and depressed? You could at least give her a chance."**

Raven: And there's that term again…

Crona: …so, let me just see if I've got this: It's _Sonic's_ fault that Amy is a psychotic, obsessive stalker, simply because he won't give her a chance, despite showing no attraction to her whatsoever?

Subarashii: That's the gist of it.

Crona: …*smacks head on tray*

Subarashii: Hey! They finally installed those things!

Crona: Yeah…I think my last session with Maka was enough to convince them…

Subarashii: Is that why you have a block of wood with you?

Crona: Thought I should be prepared…

**"This coming from a guy who spends all of his time guarding a big emerald that's not going anywhere anytime soon, and has probably never had a date in his life" Sonic said hotly.**

Raven: He's got him there.

**Knuckles the laughed and showed him a locket with a picture of him and Rouge on a beach.**

**In the picture Rouge was being picked by Knuckles they shared a passionate kiss. Sonic's jaw dropped to be ground after seeing this.**

Raven: …spoke too soon.

**"Can't be, you must have doctored this photo!" Sonic cried. Tails checked to see if it was real.**

**"Nope, it's as real as they come, way to go Knuckles!" Tails said. And gave him a high-five. Sonic was tying not to look expressed.**

Subarashii: Wait, how would Tails be able to tell? How can you just tell if a photo is doctored, anyway?

Crona: I think we're supposed to assume that he can just tell, being a child genius and all…

Subarashii: Weeeeeeak.

**And there you have it...keep checking back for the next chapter :)**

Raven: Like we have much choice in the matter…

**Chapter 3**

**Meanwhile, we find Amy Rose gearing up to find Sonic in Neo City in her Diablo Lamborghini, that she won in a bet with a car dealer in Germany about his lot being robbed by a Chao Syndicate that loves high speed vehicles. Amy and Psy fought them and got to keep the car, and to the terms of there bet she got it with free up-grades and costume job ,Neon Purple paint with a hot paint rose, Light Speed warp Engine, Three years of XM Radio service free, kick ass DVD player, and more.**

Raven: And here we have the unnecessarily long and detailed description for something that doesn't need it. Though using it for a car is a new twist.

Crona: …wait, the car can move as fast as Sonic? …huh?

**"Time to hunt down my hubby Psy." Amy announced**

**"Aren't you going about this the wrong way?, I mean glue cannons, stun net, speed seeking missiles that blast their targets sky high, gravity bombs, gravity beam cannons, I THOUGHT you were going to find Sonic, NOT HUNT, STUFF, AND MOUNT HIM!" Psy shouted.**

Crona: …I should be really, really disturbed right now…but all I can think about is, "how can she afford all of that?"

**"Look Psy I can't get sonic to stay still, and ran from me yesterday."**

**"And the day before that, and the day before that, and the day before that, and the day before that." Psy interrupted.**

Subarashii: And the week before that, and the month before that, and the year before that, and would you _take a fucking hint, lady_?

**"Look sis, I'm going to get sonic to stand still long enough for him to hear me out." Amy said.**

Raven: Yes, because he'll definitely want to listen to you after you throw all of the aforementioned items at him. Azar forbid you actually try to, I don't know, _talk_ to him.

**"Before, or after you mow him down with "Pink Lighting"?" Psy barked.**

**"Are you coming with me to Neo City or not!" Amy yelled. "Only to see this!" Psy said.**

**"Get up in the seat, or I'll mow up down with the car sis." Amy said.**

Crona: …did she just threaten to run over her "sister"?

Subarashii: These are red flags, people! Why is no one noticing this?

**They got in and started there way to Neo City, at the speed of light.**

Raven: And yet it'll still probably take the rest of the chapter for them to get there.

Subarashii: Again, Newton's crying, folks.

**Meanwhile back in Neo City we find Sonic in "Emerald Park" talking with Rouge The Bat, and Knuckles, Tails went back to there hotel early.**

Crona: Another question…where do these guys live? I thought Tails had a lab or something somewhere, but do they live there…? And if so, why have a hotel room…?

Subarashii: …I think I'll just let that one go.

Raven: Wise decision.

**"So what's brings you here to Neo City?" she asked in a caring demeanor.**

**"I needed to get away from Amy Rose." Sonic replied.**

**"He's afraid of her." Knuckles harped**

**"Is that so, tell me Sonic, why are you always running from Amy? If I was a guy, (or a lesbian) I would jump at the chance to get with her." Rouge said with concern in her voice.**

Subarashii: …not going there, either.

**"Okay, I'll tell ya if it will help you with my problem." Sonic said**

**"You see I run away from Amy because, because I don't think I'm good enough for her." he said in a depressed tone.**

Raven: …what.

**"I mean she expects so much of me, she thinks of me as her knight is shinning armor, her prince charming, the beast to her beauty. I mean she's a good person but I don't think I could be what she expects of me. I think she out of my league. " Sonic cried.**

Subarashii: …what is this author on?

Crona: *hits head on tray*

Raven: Again, _what_.

**"I... never thought you could be so...deep" Knuckles said with shock in his eyes.**

**"How cute the mighty "Blue Streak" is afraid of a girl." Rouge stated and gave a hug to him.**

Crona: *sigh* No, he isn't _afraid_ of her. He just doesn't like her. And he's not afraid of commitment, he just doesn't like the idea of being tied down. Considering his character is one that enjoys wandering about, free as the wind, him wanting to stay in one place makes no sense. And that's not even taking into account his inferiority complex…

Raven: …now if only the author had that level of insight.

**"I think he's a sissy!" Knuckles barked, Rouge in response tripped him into the fountain that looked like a Light Chao. Knuckles fell in and was getting sprayed by the water coming out of the stone Chao's mouth Rouge said to Knuckles.**

**"That's what you get for being so cold." she said in a teaseling tone. Knuckles pulled her into the fountain by her wings, they thrashed around in the pool splashing water at one another for a minute and then leaped out of the fountain and started to yell at one another**

**"Cold fiend!" Rouge said.**

**"Temperamental bat!"**

**"Pig!"**

**"Tramp!'**

**After the argument they rolled around the park kissing one another.**

Raven: Well, _they_ were clearly made for each other.

**"Man, it must be nice to have someone to care for you like that, someone willing to still love you, no matter what stupid things you say or do.." Sonic thought to himself.**

Subarashii: No, that sounds more like a couple purely in it for the sex. Which is fine if you just want some kicks, but romantically, you're just asking for trouble.

Raven: …I am simultaneously impressed and disgusted that you have that level of awareness.

**Meanwhile on the out skirts of Neo City, Amy Rose was beginning to zero in on her high speed heartthrob in her "Pink Lighting" Lamborghini with Darf Punk's "Work It" blasting at a deafening volume as she was mere minutes from finding him.**

**"You've should have never run from me Sonic" she thought "you won't stay... so I have to slow you down!"**

Crona: This is going to end badly, for someone…

Raven: Probably us.

**Chapter 4**

**Sonic left the park and started to run back to the hotel, when he saw something speeding towards him at light speed, blasting "Work It" as the Lamborghini got near him, the driver turned the music down and yelled.**

**"SONIC HEDGEHOG, YOU HAVE EVADED ME FOR THE LAST TIME!" the driver yelled.**

Subarashii: That's your cue, Sonic! Start doing what you do best! _Run for the goddamn hills_!

**after that sonic looked up past the bright lights. and was able to identify the driver as a pissed Amy Rose and a car sick Psy about ready to puke.**

Crona: I feel the same way…minus the carsickness…

**"Now Amy I know your mad at me for dodging you for three years, but let me explain-"**

**"We'll talk after I catch you!"**

Raven: So even when he offers to talk, she doesn't want to? Clearly, there is something wrong with this woman.

Subarashii: And in other news, the sun rose today.

**Amy roared and slammed her foot on the pedal and chased after Sonic out of the city, onto the Rainbow Highway made famous because it was painted by a Chao named "Stripes" who used his magic to paint the highway that way.**

Raven: We don't care!

**The chase began. Amy tried firing gravity bombs at Sonic, and missed. he looked back and said "Are you trying to kill me!" he shouted.**

**"No, but that might be the end result if you keep running!" she shouted.**

Subarashii: OK, she's very clearly gone full Yandere here. Sonic, do us all a favour and kill her now.

**Sonic ran up an eighteen wheel pick up, Amy bumped into the truck trying to shake sonic off the driver looked back and yelled "Stop that you crazy dame!" "Yeah, you crazy dame!" Sonic yelled she fired a stun net at Sonic.**

Subarashii: Why is this a T rated fic and yet no one swears? Call her a crazy bitch, for fuck's sake!

**but got the trucker. Sonic went ahead, and Amy not far behind. the misfired net caused the truck to crash into six other cars in the road, causing a huge pile up blocking any out, and in going traffic to Neo City.**

Crona: …she's not going to be punished at all for that, is she?

Raven: Doubtful.

**Sonic saw two speed seeking missiles head his way.**

Crona: …what? But…you…it…how…

**he jumped into the air and forced them to crash into one another making sonic waves that broke the glass in the entire city, but Amy's car.**

Crona: …it…how could it…you…GAH! *hits head on tray repeatedly*

**Sonic tried to regain his balance but ended up as a hood ornament for Amy's car.**

**"Are you ready to give up yet!" she yelled in a tone mixed with passion and rage.**

**"No!" Sonic roared. "I refused to be captured by anyone, and that means you! I'm not ready to-"**

**Amy slammed the beaks and sent sonic flying in the air, and was quickly sent back down by Pink Lighting's gravity cannon. Sonic was on his sides unable to move.**

Subarashii: …OK Crona, you raised a very good question: How _can_ she afford all of this?

Crona: Guys, I think I'm starting to get a headache from all this stupidity…

Raven: Either that, or the repeated blows to your head.

Crona: …no, no, it's the stupidity…

**"Keep the beam on Psy!" Amy yelled "Okay! I... am going to be sick." Psy threw up in a bag and tossed it into the trash.**

Raven: Oh, _that_ was completely necessary…

**Amy walked up to him, she kneeled down to look into his eyes and said.**

**"You bought this on yourself Mister, Hedgehog. always running from me, never answering my calls, pretending not to know me in public, and now I'm forced to hunt you down as if I were Eggman bent on your destruction. tell me sonic...why must I go to such extremes to get you to listen to me?" Amy said trying to hold back the tears inside.**

Subarashii: _It is not Sonic's fault, goddammit_! It's your fault for being such an absolute, insane, Cuckoo-For-Cocoa-Puffs _psycho stalker BITCH_!

Crona: …I'm scared of this author, guys…I am honestly scared because of where this has been and will probably go…it says so much about the author that I didn't want to know…

**"ANSWER ME DAMN IT!" she roared. Sonic started to speak.**

**"Okay I'll talk. but you got to turn off the ray." he said.**

**"How do I know you won't run the moment I have Psy cut the ray?" Amy questioned.**

**"Because I'm...Tried of running...I'll talk...It's the least I can do after I caused you so much heart break. you did go through a lot of trouble to come after me."**

Subarashii: That's it, Sonic! Trick her into letting you go! Then kill her when her guard is down!

**Amy cut the ray off.**

**"Now start talking, Sonic." she cried. he took a deep breath and started to explain himself.**

**"You see, it's just that...I'm afraid that I can't live up to what you believe me to be. I'm afraid that if I get linked up to you emotionally I'll end up disappointing you in the long run I do a lot of stupid things, I've never been in a serious relationship before, I don't even know what it is to be faithful. In my past I've had a bad rap about love' in and leaving them. I just think it would be best if tried to hook-up with someone else other than me, because I'm afraid...I may hurt you. so I run."**

Raven: …wait, if he's never been in a serious relationship before, what's all that about "loving and leaving"?

Subarashii: He's just lulling her into a false sense of security, is all!

**Sonic could not bear to look at Amy anymore. Amy was crying tears of joy. "Oh Sonic...!" she embraced Sonic to comfort him.**

Raven: Taking pleasure in his pain. This should be a sign that you need to stay as far away as possible, people.

Crona: …you think she moonlights as a dentist?

**"You shouldn't think like that Sonic, I love you enough to see past your flaws. I don't care about your love problems in the past, I just want to be with you. I'll work with you past your problems. I'll be with you through the good times, and the bad. that is...if you'll let me." Amy said in a nurturing voice.**

Crona: …that would actually be really sweet, if he actually had any problems to begin with…or if the speaker wasn't completely out of her mind…

**"You...mean that?" Sonic asked**

**"From the very depths of my heart and soul." she responded with tearing eyes. Sonic picked Amy up in the air and spun her in the air as they squealed in joy.**

**"I finally found my love!" they said as they held one another arms. and shared a passionate kiss that seemed to them at least lasted the entire night.**

Subarashii: …_you fucking imbecile_! You…you…RAGH! *starts beating head against tray*

**-So there you have it chapter 5 is in the works lets see how things work out. shall we? what do you think reader?**

Raven: I think I would congratulate you on sending Subarashii into hysterics, except I like him a lot more than I like you. And by that I mean I actually like him, whereas I hate you.

Subarashii: I think I'm going to find you and play the xylophone _with your ribcage_!

**Chapter 5**

**"The Incident that happened here tonight will be remembered as the worst car crash in the history." the female news reporter said. "As you see behind me is a pile up that is over thirty miles long blocking any possible entrance or exit to Neo City from the world famous "Rainbow Highway" she said.**

Crona: …this is probably going to be blamed on Sonic, somehow…

Subarashii: Don't jinx it!

**"I feel so sorry for the nimrods who caused the crash!" Tails said to Rouge over the phone.**

**"So do I, hope those morons, or moron get jailed proper!" Rouge said in a frustrated tone.**

Raven: So do we, but it probably won't happen.

**"Tails turn to channel eleven quick!" she chirped to Tails. he went for the remote and saw that G.U.N had Amy Rose in handcuffs and Sonic was talking to a member of G .U.N.**

Subarashii: HUZZAH! Happy dance time! *jumps out of his chair and starts dancing*

Raven: And there's something else I can never unsee…

**"Where are you taking Amy?" Sonic cried**

**"We're taking her to G.U.N headquarters." said the female solider. "if you want to bail her out you will have to go there and speak to General, Navil to discuss the release terms of the offender." she handed Sonic a pass to get on the base.**

Subarashii: …shit, I forgot about that.

**"Sonic, get me out of jail my love."**

**"I'll be there Amy, be strong. I'll come for you!" Sonic harped as the patty-wagon went off into the night, with Sonic not too far behind in hopes of freeing his lover from the military facility that made life a living hell for him and his friends three years ago.**

Crona: …so, despite deserving everything that's going to happen to her, Sonic's going to get her out…please tell me we're almost done with this.

Raven: Just about…

**"What the heck ?Amy was the duff that caused the crash!" Tails screamed, as the sheer shock send Tails falling backwards on the floor.**

Raven: Well, at least Tails is showing some sense.

**"Tails...we have to bust Amy out of that base." Rouge declared.**

**"It's not going to be easy, that's for sure. I mean think of how much trouble we'd be in if we get caught !" Tails yelled while running around in circles in the hotel suite that was for both for Sonic and himself.**

Raven: …never mind.

**the room was a custom job for the dynamic duo, it was made to look a tropical island with coconut trees, a rug that could be easily mistaken for real sand (unless you step on it to notice), the furniture was made of bamboo, the bathroom was like a walking into a which doctors hut. and was a great place for nature lovers.**

Subarashii: Why are you describing the hotel room? We don't care about the stinking hotel room!

**"Guess your right Tails, will just have to play it by the books for now." Rouge said with a mix of pity and grief for the pink Hedgehog that is now separated from her blue high speed lover behind eleven inches of steel, possibly sharing a cell with a woman that was once a man now named Big Bertha.**

Raven: …that's oddly specific…

Crona: And draws some images I really don't want to see…

**Sonic went inside the military base to meet the General to see if he could get Amy out of the clink, he walked into a war room that looked like something out of a "Star Wars" movie. he took a seat at the round table and the General came into the room.**

**"Hello Sonic the names Neflight Navil, sorry for the case of mistaken identify once again." he said**

**Neflight was a six-foot seven inches of blue Phoenix, his eyes were a deep black with a Mr. T hair cut that Sonic found hilarious.**

Subarashii: …now that is just silly.

**"Hello General Navil sir!" Sonic said while standing at attention.**

**"Only G.U.N soldiers must stand at attention in my presence." he said with force.**

**"I heard that you came here to bail that crazy dame out. that caused that humongous car crash that the citizens and my men are still clearing away as we speak, it could take days to clear the havoc she caused on that highway!" Neflight spoke in a fever pitch that made Sonics quills stand up like stalagmites, in a cave.**

Subarashii: _Where else would there be stalagmites_?

Crona: …what's the difference between a stalagmite and a stalactite?

Raven: I can never remember.

**"I know there's a hefty list of charges against her." Sonic uttered. "but how big could the list be?" he asked.**

**"Do you really want to know Sonic?" Neflight asked the blue hedgehog, he nodded yes and pulled out a list and began to read it aloud to Sonic.**

Raven: Get a drink, this could take a while.

**"Let's see. reckless driving, demolished parts of the highway with weapons, reckless endangerment of countless pedestrians, running twenty red lights while in the city, running over ten Chao's. thank god there still alive or Chaos would be pissed, firing a weapon at a civilian in a GASOLINE TRUCK that we were fortunate enough did not ex-"**

**BAM!**

**The blast made a firewall that blocked all hope of getting out of the city.**

**"Make that a gasoline truck that DID EXPLODE BLOCKING THE EXIT TO THE CITY!" Neflight screamed at the top of his lungs.**

Subarashii: Welp, hope you enjoyed that revelation about your feelings, Sonic, because you'll never be seeing her-

**"I get it she caused untold amounts of damage! but no one was killed right?"**

**Sonic said in a nervous. voice.**

Subarashii: …you have got to be fucking shitting me.

**Neflight was walking around thinking about Sonics plea to let Amy out of jail, he gave it careful consideration and gave his reply to the worried hero.**

**"Well...considering your reputation, and the fact that we caused you a lot of trouble...I'll release her...on the grounds that if see causes a major disaster again in the next year...she'll be back in jail...with you ask company for the next twenty years! is that clear!"**

Crona: Technically, that doesn't answer his question…

Subarashii: That only makes things worse! Which is pretty fucking impressive, I have to say!

**"Yes sir!" replied Sonic. "Hold on Amy I'm coming for you." he said with passion as he was following General Navil to the prisoners cell.**

**"Are you sure about this?" the General asked Sonic.**

**"Sir! I would give my life for her." he said with contempt in his voice.**

Raven: The signals, you're mixing them.

Crona: I think we should just assume that Sonic's crazy too…

**Authors Note: Neflight Navil is my furry self**

Subarashii: …not going there, not going there, not going there…

**I'd draw him but I can't draw to save my life.**

Raven: Or write, for that matter.

**oh, and stay tuned for the next installment of this gripping tale! (at least I think it's gripping.)**

Subarashii: If by "gripping", it's make me grip the nearest blunt object to beat your furry skull in, then-…_dammit, I just went there_!

/

The lights came back on as the trio breathed a collective sigh of relief, though Subarashii's was punctuated by shivering and mutters of how dirty he felt.

Raven rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Well, I think it's pretty obvious what the problem with this one was…"

Subarashii nodded, facing the screen. "People, do not under any circumstances use this fic as information on romance. You cannot get a lover by being a complete and total nutjob!"

Crona winced at that, which Subarashii noticed, causing him to hastily add more. "And by that, I mean a psycho violent stalker who can't take no for an answer! You know, if you're considering killing your crush just because you can't be with them, then you're pretty much off the deep end."

He turned to Crona, giving a comforting smile. "So, in other words, not you, Crona."

Crona flushed slightly. "W-Why do you keep acting like I'm looking for someone, anyway…?"

Subarashii blinked. "…you're kidding, right?"

"N-No, I'm not! And even if I was, i-it's none of your business, right? W-Which I'm not!"

"Someone's in denial…" Subarashii sung.

"_RAVEN CHOP_!"

His song was cut short by Raven's book colliding with his face, knocking him to the ground. The book soon detached from his face, returning to Raven's hand.

"And someone really needs to shut up."

Subarashii sat up, glaring at Raven. "Geez, I was just messing with him! No need to be so overprotective!"

Raven grumbled, picking up her books and marching past Subarashii.

"See you both next time."

With that, she stomped up the stairs and out the door. Subarashii looked at Crona, eyebrow raised.

"She seems grumpier than usual, doesn't she?"

Crona shrugged. True, Subarashii had gotten on Raven's nerves, and her reaction was the same as usual. Still, something did seem a bit off. It was just hard to tell what.

Crona looked back at the doors, wondering what if there was anything wrong with his friend. And wanting to help as best as he could.

/

Alrighty. Sorry if the end seems a bit rushed, I was out of plot ideas for this section of the story.

Not much to say except that questions and suggestions are still welcome. Oh, and check out the spinoff!

See you next time!


	14. Story 8: A Smashing Good Time

OK, so, despite my brain not being 100% willing to write, my boredom demands that I get back to this. Probably not the best idea, but what the hell.

Today's story comes recommended by zorua, who I'd like to thank for being so helpful with this. And also for taking the brunt of the blame with some of these terrible, terrible fics.

Also, as I like to occasionally say, I do not own Teen Titans or Soul Eater. If I did, I probably would cross them over at some point, simply because I'm apparently the only one who's thought to do that.

Seriously, this fic's been up for over a month and _no one_ has thought "hey, that's a good idea! I should do that!" And yes, I am daring people to make a crossover fic! Hell, make it terrible and I'll review it for the 25th story or something!

Anyway, mini-rant over.

Oh, before I forget, Happy Independence Day to my American readers! And don't worry, I was kidding about us Canadians lying to you about us! We really do live in a winter wonderland where we eat pancakes three times a day and go out and play with our pet moose.

Yeah…

Assemble!

/

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos…"

Raven continued to recite the chant she had memorized since her childhood, hovering in mid-air just above her seat in the theater. She focused all of her efforts on controlling her emotions, maintaining her usual calm, and for the first time in a while, trying to not think about her time in the theater.

It was all that was on her mind lately. Why they were there, what the point of it was, how much more they had to do, and so on. But two particular thoughts had been prominent.

The first was their host. She couldn't stop wondering about just who would put them up to this. What would make him think he had the right? How could he accomplish all of this? Just how powerful was he? She had gone through their laundry list of villains and even checked some of the stronger bad guys the other heroes had tangled with. None of them matched up. Not so much in terms of power, but in attitude and motive. Or lack thereof.

She had started to wonder if she was getting too obsessed with this. She wanted to ask Robin what to do in this situation (if anyone was familiar with getting obsessed with an enemy, it was him), but she couldn't. Which was a part of the problem to begin with.

The other thought that just wouldn't leave her mind was the possibility that she was next. That sometime soon, one of the others would pop up as a "guest star", and she'd learn that they were fictional characters. Just like Crona, Maka, and all of their friends. She didn't want that, not for herself or anyone else. She had to put a stop to this before it got that far.

The question was, how?

She heard the door open and slowly floated down to her seat. She knew without looking that it was Crona walking down the stairs. She turned to look at him as he walked over and sat beside her, a small smile on his face.

"Hi Raven."

"Hello Crona."

And, as per usual, silence became prominent.

Raven was conflicted on these moments between them. On the one hand, it was nice that Crona gave her this time to think, and didn't pester her with needless small talk. On the other hand, the lack of communication bothered her a little, making it seem like he didn't want to open up to her.

Then again, that wasn't much of a surprise. They didn't _know_ know each other yet, and she had already established a boundary or two between them. But she didn't want to discourage him from talking to her.

She gave a sidelong glance at him and noticed that he seemed a bit out of it. His eyes were only half-open and he seemed to be in a daze. Not to mention said eyes were glazed over and unfocused. Before Raven could stop herself, curiosity took over, and she turned to face Crona.

"Are you alright?"

Of course, she was surprised to find that Crona had turned and asked the same question, at the same time. Crona blinked, face flushing slightly.

"Uh…yeah…w-why do you ask?"

Raven frowned. "Well…you seem a bit tired, that's all."

"Oh…" Crona replied, rubbing one of his eyes. "No, I'm still a little sleepy, is all…I only woke up a little while ago…"

"…Crona, it's the middle of the afternoon."

"Y-Yeah…I know…Maka said I needed more sleep, though, so…"

Raven nodded. Now it made sense. "And taking a nap in the middle of the day wasn't a problem with her?"

"W-Well…she sort of…forced me to do it…"

Raven sighed. _Good thing Subarashii isn't here, or it'd take forever to shut him up…_ "Well, anyway, why're you asking me if I'm OK?"

Crona blinked. "Um…w-well…you seem like you're in a…bad mood…"

Raven frowned. "…I do?"

"Y-Yeah…i-is everything alright…?"

Raven stared at Crona for a moment, then gave him a small, reassuring smile. "Yes, everything's fine Crona. Thank you for asking."

_WHAM_!

And before Crona could reply in anyway, the doors swung open, signaling the arrival of number three of the group.

"Yoho!"

Raven sighed. _Almost like clockwork…_ she thought as the Greatest Space Pirate in the Universe™, the one and only Captain Subarashii, strutted down the stairs, same wide grin on his face.

"Hello, you happy people!" he greeted once he reached the bottom of the stairs.

Raven tilted her head as Subarashii took his seat. "You're in a good mood today."

"Nah, this is just who I am. I'm always positive, it's one of my endearing character traits."

Raven rolled her eyes as Subarashii grabbed his first bit of fanmail.

_Have you ever pretended to be sick?_

"What? An upstanding, morally conscious person like _moi_?"

Raven stared as Subarashii. "…do you believe the words that come out of your own mouth?"

"Rarely."

_What is your greatest strength?_

"I'd have to say my creativity that allows me to tell people all the different ways in which they suck copious amounts of ass."

_Are you ever purposefully irritating?_

Subarashii looked over at Raven, his grin somehow bigger than before. "Perish the thought."

Raven sighed. _Well, nice to know where he stands, at least…_

_What is the best compliment you've ever received?_

"…secret."

_Are you a morning or night person?_

"Well, considering I'm floating around the depths of space most of the time, I'm not really a night or morning person."

_Do you watch court TV?_

"Nah, I get my dose of stupidity from what I see here."

Raven raised an eyebrow as Subarashii opened his other letter. "How is court TV stupid?"

"It's the same every time. One person's an idiot, one person is a lesser idiot, the judge puts them both in their place, bang the gavel, the end."

_subarashii(finaly learned to spell it all on my own)_

Subarashii looked up at the screen, then gave a slow clap, the expression on his face a sarcastic smile.

_does your ship have a name?_

"The S.S. Awesomesauce."

Crona turned to look at Raven. "…is it weird that I expected something like that?"

Raven sighed. "No, no it isn't."

_any feelings on the way knd ended_

"…huh?"

_i did to steal some of your gold plus one of your cannons what you going to actualy do_

"Well, considering the cannons are built into the ship, I'm still calling bullshit. But, for the sake of humouring you, I did decide to take action. You want to find out what I did? Drop your pants."

Raven rolled her eyes. "What is with you men and removing genitalia?"

"Hey, it's an important body part! Removing it is the ultimate "fuck you" to a man!" Subarashi replied, before nudging Crona with his elbow. "Right?"

Crona simply stared at Subarashii with a confused look on his face as Raven opened her first letter.

_Have you ever taken sleep medication?_

"No, I can usually sleep fine without it."

Crona blinked. "They have medicine to help you sleep…?"

"Yeah…why?"

Crona looked down, a contemplative look on his face. Suddenly, that familiar _splortch_ was heard as Ragnarok popped out of Crona's back.

"Oh, really pussy? You're gonna wimp out and take sleeping pills? I don't know how, but you somehow managed to become even more of a spineless wuss!"

Crona winced as Ragnarok laughed at him. Subarashii leaned forward, grin still on his face.

"Well, look at it this way, Crona. If you can sleep at night, you'll be all nice and refreshed for the day. Meaning you'll have more energy for when you hang out with Maaaaaakaaaaaaaa."

Crona flushed at that, but before he could respond, Ragnarok spun and grabbed Subarashii by the collar. "_Why are you doing this to me_? _What'd I ever do to you_?"

Subarashii chuckled. "Weeeeell…it's more the fact that you exist."

Raven sighed, doing her best to ignore Ragnarok's enraged ramblings so she could continue reading the letter.

_Who is your favorite person to talk to?_

"Robin, actually. Though sometimes our debates can get pretty heated."

Subarashii froze. _Wait…did she just say ROBIN? …no, it has to be a different one, there's no way she means him…but she's part of a group of teenage superheroes…so it's possible that… …shit. Shit, shit, SHIT._

_Have you ever seen a dead body?_

"…well, technically, yes. But I'd really rather not get into that…"

_What were you doing at 7:00 PM yesterday?_

"Movie night with the others."

Crona titled his head. "What movie?"

"The first Harry Potter. Starfire wanted to go through all of them since the last one is coming soon."

_When was your last trip to the mall?_

"About a week ago, I think."

_Name some of you pet peeves._

"Well, for starters, _poor grammar_…but also when people talk for the sake of hearing their own voice, or to purposely antagonize someone."

She turned to glare at Subarashii, but noticed that he was staring off in another direction, not taking the bait.

_Well, that's odd…_ she thought as she opened her other letter.

_have you ever been happy?_

"…oh, that's nice. You assume that I've never been happy just because I try to control my emotions so I don't blow things up with my mind. You're a real class act."

_videogames or pie_

"…pie?"

_if you were in a zombie apcolypse and could bring any two wepons what would they be?_

"Again, can blow things up with my mind. I think I'll be fine without."

_a green monkey or me which is cooler?_

"…the green monkey."

Crona blinked as he opened his first letter. "Really…?"

"One, I have no idea who this person is. Two, on occasion, I know a green monkey. So the monkey wins by default."

"…you know a green monkey?" Subarashii wondered.

"Like I said, on occasion."

_Who would you mind being tied to for 24 hours the least? (I think I know the answer :3)_

Crona flushed. "…i-is it really that obvious…?"

Subarashii grinned, reaching over and ruffling Crona's hair. "Yes it iiiiiiiis." he answered in a sing-song voice.

_What is your favorite pizza toping?_

"I actually like just plain cheese pizza…"

_Do like books or movies better?_

"Movies, I guess…you can't really read a book with anyone else…"

_Do you read the newspaper?_

"No, not really…"

_Who is the most daring person you know?_

Crona simply flushed, not answering directly. Subarashii tried, in vain, to hide the grin on his face.

_Would you lie to someone to make them feel good about themselves?_

Crona stared at the letter for a short while, before gently folding the letter and placing it aside.

"I… …I don't know…"

Raven guiltily looked away as Crona opened his other letter.

_pop tarts or toaster stroodles?_

"…I don't know what either of those are."

Subarashii leaned over. "They're both toaster pastries. And there are no "o"s in "strudel", numbnuts."

_could you tell excaliber to kindly go jump off of the dwma and save everyone the giant migrain that is him?_

"I can't…every time I try to go see what the fuss is about, Ragnarok stops me. He once said he'd be happier hanging around with Maka than go anywhere near him…"

Subarashii stared at Crona in surprise. "…holy shit."

_do you like fanmail?_

"F-For the most part…"

_do you like havung fans?_

"I guess…?"

_can you draw better then you write poetry?_

_follow up to number five. if so can you draw me a picture?_

"Uh, no, I definitely can't…I couldn't even recognize what I drew the one time I did…"

_what's your opinion on teen prenency fics? i personaly like them for the reactions from the parents._

"…I think I hate you."

Raven pulled the letter out of Crona's hands with her powers, crumpling it while Subarashii got up to get the one on the table.

"I'm starting to hate that one too."

Subarashii simply nodded as he opened the envelope and read the contents.

_I think you guys will enjoy this one, oddly enough. You can tell right away that it's not one to take too seriously, so have fun with it. But not too much, otherwise it won't be funny._

_It's a Super Smash Bros./Maximum Ride crossover fic called Game Night by one Silverbird121._

_Break a leg, as they say._

Subarashii frowned as he walked back to his seat. "Another Maximum Ride fic? And with _Smash Bros_? How do you…where do you even…"

Raven shrugged. "People just like to combine things that they like. Who cares if it fits or not, so long as they enjoy it?"

"Fanfic Chop Suey you mean?"

*TVTropes references: 28*

Raven sighed. "Yes. And can you stop doing that when we're not reviewing?"

"Geez, sorry…"

With that, the show began.

/

**Okey-dokey, then. This is my first **_**real**_** story, so don't judge me.**

Subarashii: …she's kidding, right?

Crona: If this is her first "real" story, what'd she write before?

Raven: Good question…

**Well, judge me, but do it nicely.**

Subarashii: …*bursts out laughing*

**By the way, I'm aware that it's really exaggerated. It's s'posed to be like that.**

Raven: Oh, _that's_ promising…

**Yep. I think that's it... oh, yeah. Ugh.**

Subarashii: What? Did you suddenly regress to a Neanderthal?

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, which is so obvious.**

Crona: Wait, this person is homeless? Then how-Subarashii, that isn't funny!

Subarashii: *while laughing* I can picture it…a kid in a box in an alley, somehow typing on a laptop…oh God, that's _terrible_!

Crona: Yes, it is…

**I mean, duh. It's **_**Fan Fiction.**_** You can't be a fan of your own fiction. It's just not done.**

Raven: Oh, I'm sure someone out there is proof that you can be. George Lucas, for example.

Subarashii: And Stephanie Meyer!

Raven: …I was trying to not go for the obvious joke.

Subarashii: And you went with _Lucas_?

**Anyway. Here's my story! Enjoy.**

Subarashii: *singing* Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!

**"Truth or dare?"**

**"No."**

Subarashii: Is that still a popular game?

Raven: …why are you asking us?

Subarashii: Hey, you're the teenagers here!

Crona: …I don't even know what that game is.

Raven: Lucky you…

**"Uno?"**

**"No."**

**"Tag?"**

**"No."**

Raven: Is the speaker an elementary school student or something?

**"Spin the bottle?"**

**"**_**No."**_

Crona: …*blushes*

Subarashii: If this is the Smash Bros. cast, wouldn't that mean…OH GOD!

**"**_**Shuffle board?"**_

**"NO!"**

Raven: The speaker's age apparently keeps changing.

Crona: I definitely don't know how to deal with that…

**At the Smash Mansion, Peach and Falco were arguing again**

Raven: Wait. Princess Peach offered to play spin the bottle with _Falco Lombardi_?

Crona: …_AGH_!

Subarashii: Well, she is apparently seeing either or both a fat Italian plumber and a giant turtle-dragon…

Raven: It's still disgusting!

**('cause, you know, conflicting personalities and stuff)**

Subarashii: Uh, yeah, writing in brackets tends to screw up the structure of the story. Only a total hack would do that.

(Somewhere, an author bursts into tears. And is then promptly beaten to death with a baseball bat for reusing a joke that had long since run its course.)

**and the other Smasher-peeps were steering clear of them. A wise decision, if I do say so myself. These things tended to get violent.**

Raven: …why is the author speaking directly to us?

Crona: I really, _really_ don't know how to deal with that…

Subarashii: Making up for lost time, are we?

**"Come on, Falco," Peach whined. "You **_**never**_** play **_**anything**_** with us!"**

**He rolled his eyes. "There's a reason for that. Your games are stupid and pointless. The only reason I'm here is for the battles. Not for some unnecessary **_**game night**_**. "**

Subarashii: …hey, he has a point! Why the hell are they having a games night, anyway? I thought them beating each other up _was_ a game!

**Peach was starting to get **_**really**_** ticked.**

**"My games are not stupid! I am the ruler of Mushroom Kingdom! How dare you defy me!" she said in a voice she thought was threatening.**

Raven: Oh, right, like that'll work…

**Peach was hoping to intimidate him into playing. Pff. Yeah, because that was so likely.**

Raven: …didn't I just basically say the same thing?

**Falco was very stubborn and too cool for fun. Or whatever it was when Peach was calling the shots.**

Crona: I thought Peach had a pretty good understanding of "fun"…you know, go-karting, golf, tennis…

**Falco got all up in her face and said, "Mushroom. Kingdom. Is. **_**Laaaame."**_

Subarashii: OH SNAP! He did not just go there!

**"You did not just go there," she said softly.**

Subarashii: _Hey_! What the hell's the point in me making fun of you if you're just going to say the same thing?

**For a fluffy, frilly, pink princess, she looked downright murderous. Her glare caused Falco to take an involuntary step back, but he kept at it.**

Crona: …_Peach_? Really?

Raven: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Subarashii: Words to remember, kiddo.

**"Hyrule is **_**so**_** much better. In pretty much every single way.**

Subarashii: I don't have the urge to disagree with him.

Crona: Me either…

**It even-," Peach politely cut him off by slamming him with a frying pan she had gotten out of who-knows-where. She shaded her eyes and smiled as she watched him fly off, screaming, into the distance. He faded until he was a tiny spark, and then vanished.**

Subarashii: "This game's winner is…Peach!"

**Hyrule. That reminded her. Peach had to go find Zelda. She didn't like Zelda. It was a really strange and slightly random kind of dislike, but she didn't dwell on the "why" very often.**

Raven: You sure Falco didn't just detail the reason why?

**Peach would just shrug the "why" part off and go with whatever her gut told her. And right now, her gut was telling her it was game night, especially for Zelda.**

Raven: I wasn't aware Peach was secretly insane.

Crona: Maybe the stress from all the kidnappings in addition to ruling an entire kingdom got to her…?

**Peach skipped off to find the princess of Hyrule, armed with a deadly looking golf club.**

Subarashii: …so, we already have characters acting out of character, a random plot point, we're supposed to be having a crossover with someone for no real reason, and it doesn't seem to take itself too seriously. Folks, I do believe we have ourselves a Crack Fic.

Raven: …well, at least the author's having fun with it.

**"Oh, Zeldaaaaa!" A high-pitched, singsong voice echoed through the house.**

**Ahh! It was game night and Zelda still hadn't found a hiding place! Of course **_**Zelda**_** was the main victim, out of all people. She really had no idea why. The only contact she'd ever really had with Peach was saying hi once, way, **_**way**_** back in the day. Peach had said f-word you and then screamed, **_**"Harrassment!"**_** That was one of the most confusing days of Zelda's life.**

Crona: It's one of the most confusing things I've seen all day and I'm just reading about it…

**"Oh no. Oh no. Oh dear lor-," Her panicked muttering and running around in circles was interrupted by someone snatching her into a dark room. The someone swiftly shut and locked the door.**

Subarashii: …I'll let that one go.

Raven: Good choice.

**She yelped and a hand slapped over her mouth. "Shh!"**

**Then she heard Peach skipping past and decided that whoever had her now was better than a nutcase in a poofy dress.**

Raven: Unless this person is also a nutcase in a poofy dress.

Crona: But Daisy isn't a Smash Bros. character…

**Zelda and the someone went very still until they were positive Peach was gone. For the moment, anyway.**

**"Be quiet. Okay?" her abductor/savior whispered, both of them still freaked out at that very close encounter.**

Crona: …Peach is an alien?

Subarashii: I KNEW IT!

Others: …

Subarashii: …what? You know she doesn't fit with the rest of the kingdom's citizens!

**Zelda nodded and the abductor person let her go. She slumped to the ground aand looked up to see Link standing there tensely, and Yoshi a few steps behind him.**

Subarashii: Link and Yoshi…in a dark room? What-

Raven: Don't. For the love of God, _please don't_.

**"It's game night," she said dejectedly. Link nodded solemnly. Yoshi made one of his weird, squeaky noises.**

**"We know. And we heard she wants to play **_**shuffle**__**board!"**_

Crona: …did…did one of them just _talk_?

Subarashii: …I'm holding in my rage until I find the guilty culprit.

**Zelda's eyes widened in horror. "Oh my gosh! What are we going to do? She's after me! And she has a **_**golf club!**_**"**

Raven: I'd just like to take a minute to point out that a princess that can turn into a gender-ambiguous ninja, a green dinosaur that can turn enemies into eggs, and a warrior with about fifteen various items in his backpack, are afraid of a woman with a golf club.

Subarashii: This _is_ a Crack Fic. Comedy prevails.

Raven: Oddly enough, I'm not laughing.

**All three of them we're silent for a while, thinking.**

**After a long time, Link spoke up. "Well, I guess we could always try talking to Peach."**

Crona: …it figures…

Subarashii: Now then. *inhales* _Link is a silent protagonist_! He's been like that through all of the Nintendo games for a _good goddamn reason_! Fanfic writers, _stop making him talk_!

**They stared at each other for a second, then started cracking up.**

**"Okay, okay. Seriously. We need to focus," Zelda said.**

**Yoshi made some funny noises that Zelda understood 'cause she was so talented and stuff.**

**"You know what, Yoshi? That just might work."**

Raven: Because it's crazy enough to.

**Soooo... what's up? Lovely weather we're having.**

Raven: Speak for yourself. It's summer in _San Francisco_ for me.

**Well, I don't wanna be all naggy or anything, but... REVIEW! Please? There. I said Please. Now you MUST!**

Subarashii: I'll tell you what I _must_ do! I _must_ figure out what drugs I need to take for this to start being funny!

**Hellooo... Yep.. chapter two. Pretty epic, huh?**

Raven: That word gets used way too much.

**Oh, and Souldin and Polodo, if you're reading this, I'd like to say thanks! Even though you didn't REVIEW, I still appreciate it. You're cool.**

Subarashii: That's a wee bit stalkerish…

**So I present- *drumroll*- CHAPTER TWO!**

Subarashii: Whoever did that drumroll shames the noble craft of drum-playing.

**Up on the second floor of the large mansion, Peach was catching up with two very brave souls, Pit and Mario. Well, brave in the sense that they didn't shriek like little girls. Much…**

Crona: …is it bad that I can easily picture Pit doing that?

Subarashii: He does seem like the type, doesn't he?

**Anyway, they had been looking for a safe place to hide, like everyone else in the house, when Peach had found them. She'd cornered them and greeted them both in a suspiciously sweet and unruffled way.**

**They were uneasy the entire time she talked about the weather and a bunch of other things no one understood nor cared about.**

Raven: Subtle as a train wreck.

**And then came the dreaded topic…**

**"So, are you guys ready for game night?" Peach asked casually.**

**Pit and Mario stiffened. "Ah, Peach. Listen, about that-," Mario started.**

**Peach stopped him right there and grabbed him by the straps of his overalls. She held him in a way that pointedly screamed **_**body slam.**_

Subarashii: Oh no you don't! You don't get to do anything wrestling-related unless it involves the words "pile" and "driver"!

**"Now, what were you saying?" Peach growled threateningly.**

**"Nothing! Can't wait," he finished quickly.**

Subarashii: *whip noises*

**She smiled and let him go carefully. "Now, Pit-" Peach turned to blackmail Pit, but all she found was an empty hall and an unnatural breeze left from Pit's quick escape.**

Crona: Guess we were wrong about that theory…

**Peach face palmed. Mario started to back away gradually.**

**"Not another one! I can't even find Zelda!" Peach exclaimed.**

**Mario muttered an unintelligible goodbye and got the heck out of there.**

Subarashii: "I just remembered that I have a princess to-…shit."

**She stared after him, wondering why it seemed like no one wanted to do game night.**

_**Jeez. You have a tiny fit a measly two times and they brand you for life…**_

Raven: I'm sensing a lot of underselling.

**-FLASHBACK-**

_**Nearly every competitor from those intense, violent Super Smash battles was cowering in a corner, clutching each other, eyes wide with panic.**_

**"**_**YOU CHEATED YOU –insert impolite adjective- -insert impolite name-! How dare you?" Peach yelled.**_

_**She advanced a few steps, her eyes blazing with craziness. Everyone shrunk farther away with every step.**_

_**Honestly, she looked like she was going to pop any second now. She seemed rabid or something. And all because King Dedede ate one of his Uno cards, so he was one card closer to winning than she was.**_

_**Now they were all suffering Peach's insane fury.**_

Crona: …maybe they're traumatized because they never expected her to act that way?

Raven: I'm reading it and I still don't believe she'd do it.

Subarashii: Guys? Crack Fic? Stop applying logic!

**And as for the second time Peach lost it… well, let's just say it was far more terrifying and explosive, literally, and it involved a genetically enhanced Cookie Monster and a purple wooden spoon.**

Raven: Oh brother…

Subarashii: Hey, don't laugh, that shit sounds terrifying.

**After her flashbacks, Peach shook her head to clear it and skipped off intensely, with renewed determination...**

Crona: …"skip off intensely"? That…that's just impossible…

**"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Link asked.**

Subarashii: That's still just wrong.

**"I mean, what if we disrupt the fragile fabric of space and time, thus destroying it on such a massive scale that all matter and energy is forever doomed to exist in a state of eternal limbo? Or, like, what if we get hurt?"**

Subarashii: "Because, like, that would totally suck, dude." *facepalm*

**Yoshi shrugged. It had just been a suggestion. Link worried too much, anyway.**

**Link, Yoshi, and Zelda were in the same room they'd been hiding in for the past forty-five and a half minutes. Link and Yoshi were sitting in a corner, falling asleep because they were so bored of waiting, and Zelda was standing in the middle of the room, rigid and still as a statue, and concentrating extremely hard.**

Raven: Alright, I know Zelda is good with magic and all, but how exactly would she be able to punch a hole in space and time, especially to a dimension that's from a completely different medium than theirs?

Crona: …because it's magic?

Subarashii: And therefore, they don't have to explain it!

Raven: …you two are conspiring against me, aren't you?

**You see, Yoshi's plan had been to summon those genetically modified bird-kids from that one dimension where, if you died, you died. You didn't come back on a fancy, glowing platform. He thought that was kind of a bummer, but those bird-kids, the Flock, seemed to be making out well enough.**

Raven: And why them, anyway? Why specifically The Flock?

Crona: I thought you explained that at the start…

Subarashii: The Fanfic Chop Suey, remember?

*TVTropes references: 29*

Raven: …fine, conspire against me. See if I care.

**Anyway. Zelda had to summon the Flock with her amazing summoning and teleporting-of-other-things skills she had no clue she had until Yoshi told her about it.**

Raven: OK, you two, try and explain this one: How did _Yoshi_ know that Zelda could do that?

Subarashii: …you always have to ruin our fun.

**They all figured that Max, the leader of the Flock, would know how to stop Peach from there. She was so leaderly and everything.**

Subarashii: Someone's clearly a fan.

**Right now it was just a matter of getting them here.**

**Link and Yoshi were dozing off, when Zelda starting smiling like a crazy person.**

Crona: Oh no, poor Zelda cracked too…

**She began hopping up and down excitedly.**

**"I did it! I did it! Who did it? I did!" she said, nearly yelling.**

**Link stood and looked around the room. "Um... Zelda? I hate to break it to you, but the Flock isn't here."**

Subarashii: I'll get the straitjacket ready.

Crona: I'll prepare the sedatives.

**She didn't even pause. Zelda just danced right out the door.**

**"They're out front! Hurry up, hurry up! Come on!" she called.**

Both: …oh.

**Yoshi watched her leave and glanced at Link. He was suddenly irritated with elf-people.**

Raven: …huh. Who knew Yoshi was a racist?

Subarashii: It's always the ones you least suspect…

**Yoshi called Link a rude name in Yoshi-speak, walked past him, and out the door. Link just shrugged and went after Zelda, calling for her to wait.**

Subarashii: I still can't get used to that…

Raven: Is it really such a big deal that he can talk?

Subarashii: Considering I wind up imagining him with…_that_ voice, yes, it is.

**Ick. That could've been better...**

Raven: Hello, obvious understatement.

**Well, I know this took forever, **_**but,**_** I figured it was better than nothing.**

Crona: Not really…

**I'm diligently working on the next chapter (sorta) if you care...**

Subarashii: Hmm, now I just need the answer that will crush her spirit the most effectively…

_**Privyet!**_** That's hello in russian. Or something.**

Subarashii: _Ispolʹzovaniye internet perevodchik ne delaet vas prohladno, vy znaete._ I'll let you figure out what I just said.

Raven: …you can speak Russian?

Subarashii: Like I said, omnilingual.

**Anyway, I'd really appreciate it if you guys reviewed. I feel like I'm talking to myself.**

Crona: You shouldn't beg for that…you probably won't like what you get…

**So... yeah.**

**And I would like to thank Polodo. Thanks for the mention! ^_^ (Author of Maximum Ride: The World Just Doesn't Stay Saved. Awesome-possum story. Just saying, hinthint.)**

Raven: …we're going to have to review that somewhere down the line, aren't we?

Subarashii: God, I hope not.

**Mm-hm... I think that's it. Sooo... I give you... Chapter THREE!**

Raven: You are way too excited about your own work.

**Link and Zelda hurried outside, and to the front of the large house.**

**They both stopped short when they saw the scene going on outside. Yes, **_**scene**_**.**

Crona: Is someone making a movie…?

Subarashii: Dude, shut up! You'll give Uwe Boll ideas!

Crona: *shudder*

**There were, in total, seven winged people in a group. This strange assortment consisted of Max, the epic leader-chick;**

Raven: Again, exaggerating just a bit.

**Fang, the not-emo second-in-command;**

Subarashii: That was a Suspiciously Specific Denial…

*TVTropes references: 30*

**Iggy,the tall blind guy; Nudge, the dark, perky one;** **Gazzy, the mischievous looking blond kid; Angel, the adorable-blond-curls-blue eyes little angel;**

Crona: I'm pretty sure we can tell that from her name…

Subarashii: Actually, you'd be surprised how many girls have that name and are anything but what they're supposed to be.

**and, of course, Pit.**

Raven: So, what, this was all just so there was more people like Pit? Why would you-

**Who was presently getting pounded on by the flock.**

Raven: …never mind.

**Well, actually, Fang was taking over this activity, with increased enthusiasm and craze. Fang growled unintelligibly as he did so.**

Subarashii: …is _everyone_ violently crazy in this fic?

**"Hey!" Link shouted at them.**

**All the bird-people came to an abrupt halt and stared at Link and Zelda as if they'd just noticed them. Well, they probably did.**

Subarashii: I've got ten-to-one odds that one of them goes after Link for actually speaking.

Raven: You shouldn't make bets for things you _want_ to happen.

**Fang was holding Pit upside down, and Gazzy had an arm raised. Pit waved a little at them as he hung in the air. Zelda waved back and stepped forward.**

**"Hi. Um, may I ask why you're killing Pit?" she asked politely.**

Crona: Maybe they had a hard time beating Kid Icarus…?

**Max moved forward with her hands on her hips and Fang a few steps behind her, still hanging on to Pit.**

**"This weirdo ran up to me and grabbed me. I took it as assault, thank you very much," she said, clearly annoyed.**

Subarashii: Whoa! Who knew Pit was a pervert?

**"Oh. Well, I think he was just excited at seeing other people with wings like him. Right, Pit?"**

**Pit nodded and Fang let him slide to the ground. He shot up and darted behind Link, who was now standing by Zelda.**

Crona: Wait…Pit's a silent protagonist, but Link isn't…?

Subarashii: …_that makes even less sense_!

**"Okay, that's enough. Come on, this is important," Link said briskly, waving the flock over.**

**They all came over, Fang right on Max's heels, Gazzy leading Iggy in unfamiliar territory, and Nudge and Angel chattering to themselves happily about being in another dimension.**

**"Alright," Link started, "We don't have much time to stop Peach-"**

**"Peach? Isn't that the princess with the anger problems?**

Raven: No, that's the nice, friendly princess that gets kidnapped every week or so. You're confusing the canon character with the cracky one here.

**And the pink dress? OMG! I loved that dress! I saw one like that once, in purple. I think it'd look even prettier if she-"**

**"Nudge!" the whole flock said together.**

**"Sorry! Please continue," she whispered.**

Raven: _Thank you_.

**"Um… right. Anyway, we have to figure out away to stop Peach's Game Night, and we only have a few hours, so-"**

**Max interrupted. "Wait, wait, wait a second. **_**Game night? **_**That was your huge emergency? I was in the middle of a tray of cookies, dude!"**

**"Yeah! You don't come between Max and her cookies," Gazzy put in while Iggy nodded.**

**"Dang right," she said, almost shouting. Fang just stared at her all spacey-like.**

Crona: …is Fang on drugs or something?

Subarashii: Oh please, you get like that whenever Maka is at the forefront of your mind.

Crona: N-No I don't!

Subarashii: What was the last thing you two did before you came here?

Crona: Um…well, we went for a walk around the city…*eyes glaze over* and she held my hand most of the way…*happy sigh*

Subarashii: *grins*

Crona: …s-shut up…

**"No! No, you guys don't understand. It's **_**Peach's Game Night**_**. It's lethal, **_**and**_** a form of cheap entertainment for her. Everyone thinks she's kinda sadistic," Zelda explained.**

Raven: Really? We never would've got that impression…

**Max raised an eyebrow skeptically, but at least she wasn't eating anyone, or snapping an arm or something.**

Subarashii: Dude, do it! Snap some arms, that'd be awesome! I'd personally go for a Fujiwara Armbar, because the look on their faces when their arm is bent behind their back is-

Raven: You did see the part before that, right?

Subarashii: …OK, that's pretty fucked up.

**"Are you sure you guys aren't just exaggerating? Or paranoid?" Max asked.**

**Link and Zelda solemnly shook their heads.**

**The flock had a quick huddle, and then agreed to help because they didn't have a way home.**

Raven: "Not like we have anything better to do. Like save the environment or anything."

**Max shrugged, then said, "Okay then. We'll help." A superior smile crossed her face.**

**"Ooh… Max has a plan!" Angel exclaimed.**

**"Yep," she said, 'cause she was the amazing, awesome, leaderly Max.**

Crona: Can we move past that already…?

**Link and Zelda led the flock into the mansion and into that room where they'd summoned the flock so Max could explain her plan of action.**

Crona: "Now, I'm going to need three quarts of peanut butter, a silver spoon, a sonic screwdriver, and the legal ownership of Switzerland."

**That was **_**way**_** shorter than I thought it'd be, and yet, it's **_**way**_** longer than when I wrote it on my cell phone...**

Subarashii: …what am I supposed to say to that? That just…wow.

**I have an idea. Review with the number '7' and you win... you win the gift of friendship!**

Crona: I don't even know you…

**Or an imaginary/virtual taco. Who doesn't like tacos?**

Crona: Too hot for me…

Subarashii: Wimp.

**Ohmigosh... I should address a few things... fast. (I should be doing my homework right now, and my mom'll be home any second now...)**

Raven: Don't worry about us, your education is more important. …that was a hint.

**Okay: 1. I took way to long to update. :S**

Subarashii: Don't care.

**2. It's **_**super**_** short...**

Crona: Somehow, I doubt that…

**3. Not very many reviewers... you know, it's scientifically proven that reviews are a strong source of motivation.**

Raven: Then the fact that you haven't got many should be a sign.

**Plus, I'll probably review your stuff too, if you review mine.**

Subarashii: Sell-out!

**4. **_**This = Angel telepathically **_**; **_**This = Peach telepathically**_

Crona: …I don't see a difference…

**5. I refuse to put a disclaimer letting you all know that I most certainly don't own any of this, a disclaimer that looks like this: DISCLAIMER: All credit for the content goes to their rightful owners, *insert witty remark about owning stuff I don't own***

Raven: …ha?

**Um... yeah. Kay... um, READ.**

Subarashii: Don't you tell me what to do!

**Peach was prancing down a corridor, determined as ever.**

Crona: Can't connect the one visual with the other…

**She'd captured a few other smasher people so far on her quest of torture. They'd come surprisingly willingly.**

Subarashii: The Smashers are masochists?

Crona: Well, considering what they do most of the time…

Subarashii: Hm, good point.

**After she found them, she escorted them to her personal multi-purpose room, of which she was very proud.**

**But maybe she should've locked the door…**

Subarashii: Always something to keep in mind when forcing multiple, unwilling victims into one area.

**Peach was about to turn around and go back to do that, when a light colored flash caught her eye from the ground.**

**"Ooh. Pink paper," she said, picking it up from the middle of the floor.**

Raven: How easy is it to picture her going "tee-hee" when she does that?

Crona: Very…

**And, yep. It was a folded piece of pink paper. She unfolded the note.**

**It read:**

_**Peach,**_

_**Go to the last hall on your left, the one with the lights off, ASAP. It's about Game Night. HURRY! Important!**_

Raven: "By the way, this totally isn't an obvious trap!"

**Peach reread the note, squinted at it, and flipped it over. Huh. There wasn't any sender name on it.**

**She shrugged and went down to said hall.**

Subarashii: Probably singing "la-la-la-la-la" all the way, too.

**When she got there, it was empty.**

**She went farther in and looked around, doing 360's.**

**"Hello? Is anyone here? Hellooooo-**_**oof! "**_

**Peach was suddenly jumped from behind. She landed heavily on the floor with a short yelp.**

**She didn't even have any time to flail around like a dying goldfish before she was bound and duct-taped.**

Raven: Oh, wonderful, thanks for that visual. I really needed that today.

**Suddenly she was sitting up and staring at a cloudy-eyed tall guy, and a shorter, younger looking blonde one. They were smiling pleasantly at her. She gaped blankly at them.**

_**Then**_** she remembered. They were Iggy and Gazzy of THE FLOCK! GASP! OMG!**

Raven: Seriously, how does Peach know-

Subarashii: Crack Fic.

Raven: But there has to be-

Subarashii: Crack Fic.

Raven: But you can't just-

Subarashii: _Crack Fic_.

**Wait… what were they doing here? **_**How**_** did they get here? Why did they tie her up?**

Crona: …guys, I'm having flashbacks to Tempation…

Subarashii: Oh come on, it wouldn't go that far. That wouldn't be even remotely funny.

Raven: Neither is this.

Subarashii: No, but it's clearly trying to be.

**Peach's brain almost fizzled out. She didn't like hard questions.**

Subarashii: …oh, so many "dumb blonde" jokes to make, so little time…

**"It's okay. We're not going to hurt you," Gazzy said as he and Iggy proceeded to drag her off to the very last door in the hall.**

Crona: I can't be the only one who sees the irony…

Raven: Nope. And I think that's supposed to be the joke.

**She started yelling obscene things that no one heard, nor understood, because of the tape on her mouth.**

**Gazzy opened the door and they both easily tossed her in and onto a seat.**

**As Peach looked around, she saw there were two other little girls in the room. One had blonde hair and an adorable smile that reminded Peach of the angel she was when she was little.**

Subarashii: Gee, I wonder who she's talking about?

**The other girl looked older and was dark skinned with super curly hair.**

**Angel and Nudge.**

Subarashii: Of course!

**Hm… Peach made a mental note to ask Nudge where she got her shoes.**

Subarashii: …there's a joke I could make here, but that is _way_ too goddamn Squicky, even for me.

*TVTropes references: 31*

**Gazzy and Iggy were arguing in front of the door, while Angel and Nudge studied Peach curiously.**

_**Hello.**_

**Oh no. Maybe they were all right! Maybe she was insane! Wasn't that a symptom of schizo or something? Voices in your head?**

Raven and Crona: Not a word.

Subarashii: …you guys are no fun.

**Peach felt herself start to panic.**

_**Calm down! It's me, Angel.**_

**Oh. Well, at least she wasn't legitimately nuts.**

Raven: Riiiiiight.

_**Get out of my head, please. You're creeping me out.**_

_**Okay, but Nudge and I want to ask you a question first.**_

**Peach sighed mentally. **_**Fine. Shoot.**_

_**You were having a game night?**_

_**Uh… yes…**_

**Angel squealed in Peach's mind and she cringed.**

Crona: *winces* That had to hurt…

_**Oops. Sorry .But Nudge and I want to help with game night! We haven't had one in- wait. We've never had one.**_

Raven: Probably for a very good reason.

**Peach looked at Angel and saw her little face fall slightly. Aww…**

_**Well, I guess if you two can get me out of here…**_

_**SQUEAL!**_

_**STOP THAT! It's like telepathical feedback from a mike!**_

Subarashii: That _does_ sound painful…

_**Oh. Heh. Sorry, we're just- wait. Mike? That's a great idea!**_

Crona: No, no, that would completely offset the effectiveness of the silver spoon!

**Angel broke off the mental thing she was doing with Peach and started whispering to Nudge excitedly. Nudge looked enthralled.**

**"Hey, Iggy? Gazzy?" Angel called.**

**Iggy came over with Gazzy looking irritated.**

**"Yeah?" he asked.**

**And then Angel started concentrating very hard and said, "You two will pass out in here and sleep for two hours and forty-nine minutes, and then you will go to Peach's personal multipurpose room and take further orders there. Got it?"**

**They both nodded before collapsing and sprawling out on the floor, snoring deafeningly.**

Subarashii: …since when could she do that?

Crona: New Powers As The Plot Demands, remember?

*TVTropes references: 32*

Subarashii: Oh yeah, that's true-HEY!

**Nudge giggled and then untied Peach.**

**Peach stretched out her arms and brushed at her hair. She said, "You know, I like you two."**

Raven: That's not very promising.

**They smiled up at her.**

**"So what exactly is so awesometastic about a microphone?" she asked.**

**"We'll tell you on the way. Come on!" Nudge said as they led her out the door.**

Subarashii: *twitches* That's not a word you deserve!

**Do you like waffles? Yeah we like waffles!**

**Do you like pancakes? Yeah we like pancakes!**

**Do you like french toast? Yeah we like french toast!**

**Do do do do, can't wait to get a mouthful!**

**Waffles! *instrumental* Waffles! *instrumental***

**God, love that song.**

Subarashii: *stands up* Challenge accepted, biatch. *clears throat* Shilo?

Raven: *spontaneously stands up as well* Yes Dad?

Subarashii: *singing* Did you take your medicine?

Raven: Yes?

Crona: *starts making background noises*

Subarashii: What's that?

Raven: What's what?

Crona: *more noises*

Subarashii: That.

Raven: Oh, that. *singing* My window, it's cracked.

Subarashii: Then why aren't you wearing your mask? Should I head back?

Raven: No, I'm fine!

Subarashii: I can be there in no time!

Raven: That won't be needed!

Subarashii: But Shilo-

Raven: Your patients need you!

Crona: *starts making choking noises*

Raven: *speaking* Dad, who's that?

Subarashii: *speaking* Oh, that…one of my patients, he's…sick.

Crona: *makes neck-snapping noise*

Raven: Will he live?

Subarashii: *singing* It's looking grim.

Raven/Subarashii: *singing* You should stay there for a while./I should stay here for a while.

Raven/Subarashii: Don't rush home until you're done./I will rush home when I'm done.

Raven/Subarashii: Take your time, nothing's wrong./Tell me if something's wrong.

Both: I love you father/daughter!

*both sit down*

Subarashii: And now…we revel in the awesomeness of that moment.

**Gah! My mom's here! Kaythxbyegottago! R&R!**

Subarashii: Yeah, you'd better run! You just got served, bitch!

**Sup my peeps. This took forever, and even then it's more of a filler-type chapter.**

Crona: …how can there be filler in a Crack Fic?

**And it's short.**

Raven: Sure it is.

**But whatever! I'd just like to say, I am honored to have you reading this, and for agreeing to… *chokes up, tears*-to review. *whispers* Thank you.**

Raven: *rolls eyes* Oh brother…

**Oh, and Souldin pointed out that Total wasn't in here, so of course I had to include him. He's in there. Read to find him!**

Raven: Because that's completely necessary, isn't it?

**Anyhoo! It's time to disclaim.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Super Smash characters (I don't think anyone should. You don't have that right!), I don't own any MR characters, I don't own Colbie Caillat (That'd be SO weird), and I have no rights to OneRepublic. Mmhm.**

Subarashii: Goody for you.

**Kaythanksread.**

Subarashii: Kaythanksshutthefuckup.

**Link sighed and flung a rubber band at Fang, trying to get an audible response out of him. He just glared.**

Subarashii: …Link is trying to get Fang to talk…*twitch*

Crona: It actually says a lot about this fic that that's the one thing that bothers you the most…

**Max, Fang, Link, and Zelda were sitting in that one dark room from that one chapter.**

Raven: There's some great description there…

**All of them were incredibly bored and waiting for the other bird children to confirm that Peach was in a controllable state. Of course they figured nothing was **_**wrong**_**.**

Subarashii: Oh yeah, keeping two kids in the same room with an apparently violently psychotic princess. What could _possibly_ go wrong?

**Suddenly, there was a small, animalistic yelp, and Total randomly popped into the thin air above them. He fell in front of Max.**

**"Dear God!" Total shrieked.**

Raven: …didn't even try.

**Everyone was staring wordlessly at the little winged dog with various expressions. Link stared blankly, Fang stared puzzled, Max stared in a 'WTF?' manner, and Zelda stared with resignation. She figured it couldn't get much weirder a while ago.**

Crona: Just wait until you see what happens with the peanut butter!

Subarashii: Trying again for that running gag, huh?

**"Total? What are you **_**doing**_** here? I thought we ditch- I mean- I thought we… uh… I thought you were at Mom's with Akila," Max said awkwardly.**

Crona: Aww…poor Total…

**Total sniffed. "I **_**was**_**, until I was so rudely **_**snatched**_** out of my own dimension!"**

**"So… this is your… dog?" Link asked Fang hesitantly.**

**Fang shrugged. "To an extent, I guess."**

**"HA! You talked! YESSSS! I WIN!" Link yelled gleefully.**

Subarashii: *facepalm*

**He did a touchdown dance and sang 'Apologize' by OneRepublic...**

**"**_**It's too late ta 'pologize, it's too laaaaaaate!"**_

Raven: Subarashii, _put the gun down_!

Subarashii: They have it coming, you know they do!

**Max cleared her throat and looked away. "Anyway. While you're here, please no weirdness."**

All: …

**Total looked at dancing Link, then back uncertainly at Max.**

**"You're telling **_**me**_** that?" he asked.**

**She glanced at Zelda, who facepalmed.**

**"Touché."**

Raven: *sigh*

**"- hate that music video! I mean, come on. She's hanging out with a fat guy that's obviously too shady and mashugana for his own good. Colbie Caillat could do **_**so-"**_

**"BE SILENT! Nobody cares, Total! You've been ranting on about female pop singers for the past forty-five minutes! Just. Be. **_**Quiet." **_**Max snapped, irritated.**

Subarashii: _Yes, please do_.

**"Hey, have you guys noticed it's been a long time?" Link asked.**

**"No flippin' duh, Sherlock," Fang muttered.**

Subarashii: Learn to swear, shithead!

**"But shouldn't we go check on them?" Zelda asked.**

**Total made a 'pff' noise. "Heck no. Heaven **_**knows**_** what happened."**

**"She's right," Max said, "We need to go and see if they're okay."**

**Total groaned. "I don't **_**wanna**_**," he whined.**

Crona: …I take it back, I don't think I like Total anymore…

**She flicked him on the nose. "Fine. You can stay here."**

**Total looked around and contemplated being alone. In a dark room. In another world. With limited knowledge of the terrible-**

**"Well, on second thought, I couldn't possibly bear leaving you kids on your own. I'll go."**

**"That's what I thought," Max said.**

Subarashii: Oh please, like being trapped in a dark room would be so-

Crona: *shaking like a leaf*

Subarashii: …shutting up.

**Suddenly there was a huge, awful screeching noise.**

**They all looked at each other, and rushed for the door, also tripping each other and shoving for a solid four and a half minutes.**

Raven: *facepalm* _Really_?

**They heard that terrible noise again and fled towards it, wondering what could possibly possess the capacity to make that sound...**

Ragnarok: *whistles innocently*

**I have nothing to say, so review please. ^^**

Raven: Begging will get you nowhere.

**Oh, wait. The word mashugana? If you know what it meant before you started reading, you win! :D**

Subarashii: The prize probably sucks ass.

Crona: She didn't list a prize…

Subarashii: Exactly.

**Hi. I had finals, 4 projects, and eternal baby-sitting duty.**

Crona: Then why are you talking to us…?

**Yup... don't own diddly.** **Now, read.**

Subarashii: I fail to see why I should listen to a homeless person.

Crona: That still isn't funny…

**"I LOVE YOU- ALWAAAAYS FOREVER, NEAR-"**

Raven: Aww, what a shame. We already used our music reference for the day.

Subarashii: …I could dig up another-

Raven: NO.

_**Oh gosh… Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.**_

_**What? This was a fantastic idea! I love music! This is great!**_

_**Okay... Nudge. 1) You have earplugs, and 2) THAT IS NOT MUSIC!**_

Subarashii: Nice to know Angel has some brains in her head.

**"-I WILL BE WITH YOOOOUUU, EVERYTHING I WILL DO FOR **_**YOU**_**!"**

**Peach was singing (or "singing"),**

Raven: Clever.

**while Angel had her hands clapped over her ears. Nudge was giving Peach a thumbs-up and waiting for her turn to rehearse.**

Crona: Please don't encourage her…

**The three had decided to cancel game night, and instead hold a concert. And not one of those simple, cute little concerts. Oh, noooo. This was a full-out concert in Peach's massive multipurpose room, complete with a stage and a ton of seats, for the Super Smash residents of the house, and some to spare for anyone unfortunate enough to come across the little devils.**

Raven: That sounds…evil.

Subarashii: Then it's up to you, Miss Superheroine! Go get her!

Raven: Believe me, I'd like to.

**Of course, there was more to it. But only Angel knew that.**

Subarashii: Was…was that foreshadowing?

**As Peach's voice got increasingly higher in pitch, the microphone she was torturing starting screeching with feedback. Everyone in the room but Nudge and Peach whimpered and cowered pathetically.**

**Peach suddenly stopped and studied the microphone closer. "Wait… it's making a weird noise- what's the mike do-"**

**And then, improbably enough, it exploded with a scary, low **_**bfoom**_** sound. Rather happily, I think.**

Crona: …the microphone was suicidal? That's…weird, yet very sad as well…

**After the debris from the microphone mini-explosion cleared, Peach stood, staring crossly at the door. Nudge and Angel turned in response and saw the rest of flock along with Link and Zelda. Iggy and Gazzy looked seriously P.O.'d.**

**"Oh… heh. Has it been two hours and forty nine minutes already?" Angel asked guiltily.**

Raven: Wait…if Angel can knock them out or hypnotize them or whatever, why not do it until she can snap them out of it? Why have a specific time period-

Subarashii: *clears throat*

Raven: …oh shut up.

**Max just glared steadily and crossed her arms. Fang stood right by her, same expression, while the others peeked around them. Max and Fang looked like angry parents. Only more vicious and more capable of manifesting their wrath into a physical form.**

Subarashii: …*looks at Crona* You want to just skip that one?

Crona: Please…

**"O-okay… um, Max. It's not what it looks like." Angel said pathetically. Liar pants…**

Raven: And now I'm picturing Angel on fire. I don't know what to make of that.

**"Oh, you mean you didn't kidnap all these people and strap them to seats and release the psycho we were here for in the first place? No offense, Peach."**

**Peach shrugged. "None taken."**

Raven: "I'll just remember to kill you first when I get my hands on a fire axe."

**"Angel?" Fang said sternly.**

_**Aw, crud, **_**she thought, **_**When Fang talks, I'm screwed.**__**I hate lying to Max…**_

**Angel hung her head and slumped her shoulders. "I'm sorry," she mumbled with convincing regret.**

**Max's face softened a bit and she sighed. "Angel. Let everyone go and then come with us. We have to stay here for at least another day so we can figure out how to get home."**

Raven: According to who? Is anyone going to actually explain-

Subarashii: Crack Fic!

*RAVEN CHOP!*

**Angel looked up in relief. After unstrapping people from their seats, they all trailed out of the room. Angel hung back.**

_**Hey, Nudge!**_

_**Yeah?**_

_**It worked**_**, she thought, grinning.**

_**Yes! You know, you should totally be an actress.**_

_**Thank you, but I'm aiming for something with a little more authority…**_

**Angel began cackling alarmingly.**

Crona: So…Angel's evil?

Subarashii: See? Told you no one with that name ever follows it!

_**Angel? Angel. ANGEL!**_

**She started coughing, and then cleared her throat. **_**Sorry.**_

_**Right...**_

Subarashii: Hey, everyone has to indulge in some evil laughter now and then. Give her a break.

**"Angel! Come on. You're not allowed out of my sight again," Max called.**

**"Coming!" she called obediently.**

**To Nudge she said, **_**Don't move, and make sure Peach stays with you at all times. I'll be back later.**_

Crona: …can I go "dun dun dun" now?

Raven: No.

**Mmhm... another short chapter DONE! I'm not going to ask for reviews, cause no one listens anyway. Excpept for Polodo...**

Subarashii: Polodo, this is all your fault. I hope you're proud of yourself.

**Guess. What. I saw snow on Saturday!**

Raven: Lucky.

**(Ooo... slight tongue twister. Irish wristwatch!)**

Crona: …why do I have this sudden image of pigtails in my head?

Subarashii: Probably because you're a complete Makasexual.

Crona: *heavy blush*

**And I'm writing a Darkest Powers fic! Yaaaay...**

Raven: We don't caaaaaaare.

**That's kinda why I haven't updated. I was working on that. It's still kinda bad, but it's a **_**very rough**_** rough draft. I have about six chapters of it. ^^**

Raven: Then by all means, go back and work on that. Not because we'll read it or anything, but at least we'll be done with this.

**Oh, and I've taken a recent interest in poetry. I'm no good at it, mind you, but it's amusing.**

Subarashii: …Crona, could you-

Crona: I have a contract, remember?

Subarashii: I thought that was just a one-off gag.

**Also, the story shall soon be concluded. Sorry if it was a waste of time... but you can expect a couple more chapters at least.**

Raven: Oh, endless joy…

**I figure I should start writing stories with "real" plots. Pff...**

Subarashii: Well, what've you got to lose? Besides what little self-respect you have?

**One last thing. I have this awesometastic StuGo teacher that taught the class about personality colors.**

Crona: That sounds a little…hokey…

**It isn't all corny like nearly every other color quiz.**

Subarashii: Sure it isn't.

**This one is alarmingly accurate and there're only for colors. (Gold, blue, green, and orange. I'm a green.) I made a quiz for 'em. :D Take it please? It won't take long. Da link es on ma profile. Right on top.**

Subarashii: Remember kids, Poor Literacy is Kewl.

**"**_**I'm sorry, Angel! I never realized before that you are the truly superior one! That**_** you **_**should be leading the flock, not me, just some rude, aggressive teenager!"**_

_**Max was completely groveling, begging Angel pathetically to spare her and to take the role of flock leader.**_

_**Little Angel laughed viciously. "I am so glad that you've finally seen the light, Max."**_

Raven: Hello, obvious dream sequence.

_**The rest of the flock were all standing by Angel with their heads bowed. They respected Angel. They **_**feared**_** her, and they'd obey her no matter what.**_

_**Because Angel was the one with the ability, the amazing leadership skills, the absolute power to become Supreme Empress of Everything that Moves and/or Breathes Everywhere!**_

Crona: Wow…who knew she was so egotistical?

_**She laughed again, as the best army composed of the most skilled warriors ever, the Smashers, marched to her and after an easy order, lifted Max up and carried her away.**_

_**Suddenly, Nick Jonas appeared and started worshipping Angel.**_

**"**_**Angel! You are amazing! I love you!" he said, in tears. She smiled.**_

All: AGH!

Raven: No! No no no, you stupid girl, you! NO!

_**Suddenly his expression turned puzzled. "Angel?" he said. And then his voice became Max's voice.**_

**"Angel! Focus woman!"**

**"What!" Angel yelled in a disoriented fashion.**

**"Angel? Are you okay? We've been calling you for a while now."**

**Angel blinked and glanced around, disappointed she'd only been day-dreaming.**

Subarashii: And by dreaming, she means total psychotic delusion, of course.

_**But not for long,**_** she thought.**

**She nodded. "Um… yeah. Yeah, I'm fine, Max."**

**Max looked at her before continuing.**

**"Okay. Well, we'd better get some rest. We're ripping the fragile fabric of space and time tomorrow. Don't wanna be tired!" she said, quite optimistically.**

Raven: So, you do this sort of thing often, I take it?

**Angel smiled, not a single trace of deviousness showing.**

**"Okay."**

**And with that, the flock went to sleep in two convenient little guest rooms, showed to them by Zelda. One for Fang, Iggy, and Gazzy, and one for Max, Angel, and Nudge… who was gone.**

_**Wow… Max gives a whole new meaning to neglect**_**, Angel thought. **_**She hasn't said a word about Nudge all night. Or Peach.**_

Subarashii: Clearly the sign of someone who stopped giving a fuck.

**After everyone had fallen asleep, Angel silently crept out of the room and back to the doors multi-purpose room.**

**A handy lock pick and two minutes later, Angel was in. She found Nudge and Peach sitting on the floor, snoring. There were a few magazines and chocolate bar wrappers scattered around them.**

Crona: …I don't think I want to know what happened.

**Angel sighed and mentally shrieked in their heads.**

**Peach and Nudge both started awake with yelps.**

**"Shh!" Angel hissed. "They'll hear you!"**

**Nudge glared at Angel. "No reason to be a banshee inside my mind, Angel."**

Crona: *winces* OK, that sounds really painful…

**Angel shook her head impatiently.**

**"Whatever. We don't have time for this. We have until tomorrow morning to take over- I mean, to put on that concert."**

Raven: "I totally didn't make a Freudian Slip there. Honest."

**Nudge and Peach both made a ka-ching motion.**

Crona: …they turned into cash registers?

**"Yes! Finally, everyone will realize I'm a star!"**

**"Right… anyway. Peach, do you have that sedative gas?"**

**She smiled and nodded. "Yup."**

Raven: How in the hell did she-Subarashii, _shut up_.

Subarashii: …well, if you didn't keep opening yourself up for the joke…

**Angel rubbed her hands together. "Perfect. Now let's go abduct some smashers and bird-kids. Again."**

**And together, they did just that. In fact, it was so easy and neatly done, Angel began to be suspicious.**

**"Hey, guys? I'm beginning to feel kind of suspicious."**

Subarashii: Wow, it's amazing how many employees of the Department of Redundancy Department we find in these fics!

*TVTropes references: 33*

**Nudge looked over and shrugged. "It's too late to back out now. I'm sure it's just your genius brain getting paranoid," she said as she dragged a heavily subdued Gazzy and Kirby into their seats and strapped them in securely.**

Raven: …that was an oddly blunt compliment.

Subarashii: You're looking into it too much.

**Angel thought for a moment and nodded. "I guess you're right."**

**The three crazies finished their work and hopped onto the stage, examining their work.**

**"Girls, I think we did good," Peach announced proudly.**

**They set the equipment up and changed into flashy costumes, then tried rehearsing again without the microphones. No one noticed Angel slip a small square-ular disc thing into one of the mikes.**

Crona: …"square-ular"?

**An hour later, everyone woke up.**

**Angel quickly hid behind a huge speaker, and with good reason.**

**"ANGEL!"**

**She so didn't want to see Max's face. She might be the real leader, but that didn't mean Max still couldn't kill her.**

Subarashii: You know, despite all the gushing about how awesome Max is, I've yet to see her actually _do_ anything.

Crona: Maybe she's just going by the books…?

**Tankoo for reading. Review if you want. I don't really care anymore. Psh... 'course I don't... :P**

Raven: Well, if you don't care anymore, why are we still reading this?

Subarashii: Because we're sticklers for completion?

**Um… hi. I was going to discontinue this story for reasons known only to me and certain whales diagnosed with ADD,**

Crona: …you know whales with ADD? …what do you _do_ when you're not writing this?

**but my sister (the inspiration for Peach :D) wanted me to finish.**

Raven: …shouldn't _Peach_ be the inspiration for Peach? Just a thought.

**Fiiine. I will.**

**(italicised = not Nudge/Peach thought speaking; italicised & underlined = Angel thought speaking)**

Raven: …did either of you catch any of that?

Subarashii: Nope.

Crona: Uh-uh…

**Angel discovered a new shade of red. It was so violent, she felt herself becoming more corrupted as she looked at it on Max's face. She also learned some new curse words.**

Subarashii: A sure sign that the day wasn't a complete waste.

**Max was quite colorful today. Nudge just stared at Max nervously.**

_**Angel? I'm scared…**_

_**Don't be. It'll be over soon, and then Max will see you as the star she should've noticed years ago!**_

**Nudge glanced at Angel with a new resolve and nodded grimly, her expression contrasting strangely with her sparkly pink-sequined costume.**

Raven: …just…_why_?

**"Peach? Are we ready?" Angel asked.**

**Peach nodded with one of shiny, manic grins.**

Subarashii: Clearly this proves that this was a good idea!

**As Peach went to grab the microphones and turn on the smoke machine and the automated lights she owned for no particular reason, Angel looked out over their unwilling audience, peeking out from behind the heavy red curtain.**

**Everyone was sitting there, oddly motionless. Tense would've made sense. Heck, terrified would've made sense, and Fang being stationary was also understandable. But Gazzy and Iggy and Kirby… why weren't they moving?**

Crona: Wait, Kirby? Why is Kirby there? No one mentioned him before…

**Angel was about to step from behind the curtain to investigate, when Peach suddenly bounded over, mikes in hand.**

**"I'm so excited! We even got the Ting Tings here to perform with us!" Peach exclaimed, gesturing behind her to a blonde girl and a guy with shades, both looking incredibly alarmed and stylish.**

**Angel slowly looked back at Peach, genuinely puzzled.**

**"When in the world… did you get… **_**Katie White**_** here?" Angel asked.**

**"And Jules De Martino," Nudge piped, smiling and waving at them.**

**Peach looked more tentative now, fidgeting and looking away from the SEVEN year old.**

**She shrugged and said, "About an hour ago…"**

Subarashii: *groans*

**Angel facepalmed then waved her off.**

**"Okay. That's fine, whatever. Let's just start."**

**Peach exhaled and nodded. She handed out their microphones and they all got into position.**

**Angel looked back at the Ting Tings and barked for them to start playing.**

**They quickly fumbled around before starting a song called "Shut Up and Let Me Go".**

**The curtains slowly started sweeping apart, revealing…**

**An empty auditorium.**

All: …wait, what?

**Angel's jaw dropped, her microphone with it.**

**"WHAT?" she shrieked, totally floored.**

**She turned back and couldn't form a complete sentence.**

**"Where- how- can-… **_**WHAT?**_**"**

Crona: What she said.

**Peach suddenly sprang at Angel, tumbling to the floor with her, as Nudge quickly snatched up her microphone and crushed the crazy chip-thing that would've maximized Angel's mind-control horribly- or really well, depending on your perspective- and causing everyone in the room to succumb to Angel's will.**

**But, you know, that didn't happen.**

Subarashii: Whoa, hang on, what?

**"Okay, Max! We got her!" Peach yelled, holding her like a cop would.**

**Angel flailed around, but couldn't escape Peach's hold. She looked up and saw that everyone was back in the audience.**

Subarashii: …_HUH_?

**She gave up and went limp with an annoyed and puzzled expression.**

**Max, Fang, Link, and Zelda hopped onto the stage, cautiously moving toward them.**

**"Angel. I am so ticked off at you right now. You really thought I forgot Nudge? She was in on it and unlocked everyone's seats. **_**She**_** wasn't trying to take over multiple dimensions. Honestly," Max said, shaking her sadly. "Next time you decide to try and take over the world, remember that I'm not as slow as you think."**

Subarashii: _Hey_! Hello? Does anyone want to explain what the fuck just happened?

Raven: …so, what happened to your "it's a Crack Fic" argument?

Subarashii: Oh shut up.

**Angel stared at her and her eyes started to pool with tears. She began sobbing.**

**"I'm sorry Max! I'm sorry! So sorry!" she cried hysterically.**

**Peach, not being good with tears, hastily released Angel. Angel threw herself at Max's feet, still sobbing.**

**Max raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms.**

**"I know you're faking. Get up," she said sternly.**

**Angel peeked up and huffed. "Fine," she muttered indignantly.**

Crona: …does that ever work?

Raven: Depends on how gullible the would-be victim is.

Subarashii: So, you'd be sunk, pal.

**"We should probably leave now," Fang whispered to Max, seeing as Iggy and Gazzy were swiping several elements and materials in the room that were unknown in their own dimension and stuffing them in their shirts and pockets.**

Raven: Huh, the Flock is a group of kleptomaniacs. Who knew?

**Max rubbed her eyes and nodded. "That's probably a good idea. Let's go."**

**She called over to Link and Zelda to let them know of their departure. They were calming the Ting Tings down and promising them to get them home ASAP.**

**As soon as a few quick goodbyes were said, and a few autographs were given, the flock filed out the door. After checking Google the other night, they saw that if they flew through a black hole a few of the Smashers created, they could get home.**

Subarashii: Oh, well, of course. That was so obvious!

**As they left, Angel caught Peach's eye and glared hard.**

**"I'll be back Peach. I WILL RETURN!"**

**Peach stared. "… okay. Maybe then we can have our game night!" she said.**

Crona: …oh _no_.

All: SEQUEL HOOK!

/

The lights slowly came back on as the trio slumped in their respective chairs.

Raven sighed. "Who in their right mind would write something this…insane?"

Crona sat up. "W-Well, to be fair, it wasn't _that_ bad…it was just…confusing."

Subarashii sighed. "Well, that is sort of the point to a Crack Fic. To be as random as possible. Though the point is to be funny through said randomness, and this…well, it just wasn't funny."

The other two nodded in agreement as Subarashii stretched. "Honestly, I could probably get more enjoyment out of playing a Smash Bros. game myself…"

He blinked, an idea suddenly coming to him. He got to his feet, suddenly excited. "Hey…that's not a bad idea!"

The others stared at him in confusion. "What idea?" Raven asked.

"Well, we're sitting in a theater, we have a gigantic screen right in front of us…why not hook up some games or something? Hell, I could turn this into a huge entertainment system!"

Raven frowned. "I'm pretty sure that's not how theaters work…"

"Don't you be cramping my creativity, lady!"

Crona tilted his head. "But…why would you want to do that?"

"Well, suppose we get enough people here? What if we decide to throw a party or something? We'll need something to provide entertainment! I figure if we get all the latest systems and-"

Subarashii stopped when he felt Crona tugging on his sleeve, and he turned to see him staring at Raven, looking absolutely terrified. And once he looked at Raven as well, he could easily see why.

She had lowered her head, her hair obscuring her face, but her actions said everything that needed to be said. She was gripping onto one of her books to the point that her knuckles were losing colour, and she was shaking at slowly increasing speed and force.

Subarashii gulped, slowly backing away towards the stairs. "Um…OK…so, you guys…you think on that…and I'll…see you next time! _Kaybye_!"

With that, the captain ran faster than Crona had seen anyone run, practically diving out the doors at the top of the stairs.

Crona was considering following him, but he saw Raven get to her feet and he froze in place. She lifted the book she had in her hands over her head, then threw it to the ground, giving a low growl while doing so. The book hit the floor with a loud _SMACK_, causing Crona to jump out of his seat a bit.

He watched Raven continue to shake as she stood there, glaring down at the book as though all her anger was directed at it. Crona noticed that the ground around the book had been broken, and assumed that Raven's powers had caused the effect.

"How…?" Crona jumped again when he heard Raven talk. "…how can he be so…_callous_? How can he just act like nothing's wrong? He's in just as much danger as I am! Why isn't he worried?"

It finally dawned on Crona what the problem was. The letter that they received after Maka's first appearance…what had happened to them that day…both Raven and Subarashii were in danger of the same thing. And, evidentially, that was what Raven had been thinking about.

She got back in her seat, breathing heavily to try and calm herself down.

"…Crona…how did you do it? You and Maka. How did you get over it…?"

Oh, how Crona wished she hadn't asked him that.

It was then that Crona realized that he had an answer for the question he received earlier. Would he lie to someone to make them feel better?

It was then that Crona knew: No. He simply couldn't.

"We…we didn't…"

Raven's head snapped up to look at Crona, that being the last answer she expected.

"You…what?"

Crona was looking down, his hand grabbing his right arm as per his usual habit. "We haven't talked about it…not once. We talk more about…that thing…that we read than what happened before it…"

"…even though you're both coming here now?"

"Yes…we've just been distracting ourselves the whole time…that's all…"

For a moment, Raven wondered if her shock was present on her face. She wasn't sure what to think. She knew so little of the situation, and yet she wanted to get mad at one of them. She didn't know if it was Maka's idea or Crona's, or if it was even an idea to begin with. Maybe it just happened without either of them really admitting it. She had no idea.

And then she saw Crona look back up at her, trying as hard as possible to not start crying, and suddenly she wasn't looking for someone to blame anymore.

"I'm so sorry, Raven…" he muttered. "I want to help you…really, I do…but I have no idea how…"

_How could he?_ she thought. _How can I expect him to help me when he hasn't even helped himself yet?_

And yet she wanted him to. He was the one person who could've helped her out and he was just as helpless as she was. It was a small comfort that they were alike in their misery, but it was a comfort nonetheless.

It didn't stop her from being scared.

/

Whew, alright! Might've got a little heavy on the drama at the end there, but that's up to you, isn't it?

As always, questions and suggestions are welcome! More of the latter, I don't have a permanently full backlog, ya know.

Also, remember that friend I mentioned back in the Inuyasha story? Well, she now has a profile under the name wolfchild9999, so I'd like to thank her again for kicking me in the pants enough to keep me motivated to finish this. Go shower her with praise already!

'Till next time!


	15. Story 9: Change? You Got Change?

Right then, as always, thanks for all the questions and suggestions. Or, the former, more like. Seriously, I really need some suggestions for future reviews. One fandom in particular, but we'll get to that at the end.

I do not own Teen Titans or Soul Eater. Or my own house, or a car, or a business, or anything noteworthy.

Moving right along…

/

Many would say that it is never easy to admit when you've made a mistake, or when you've done or said something wrong. And when you're as prideful a man as the Greatest Space Pirate in the Universe™, it is almost impossible.

Yet that was what Captain Subarashii had to do, and he knew this all too well. Which is why he was standing outside of the twin doors leading into the theater, trying to stall for as much time as possible.

_OK, I'm sure it's not that big a deal._ he thought. _After all, I say stupid shit to her all the time. I probably just got under her skin one too many times, is all. I'll just walk in there and it'll be the same as usual._

He sighed. _Yeah, right. You know that's not it. You know she's next. You KNOW. She practically told you herself. And you went and got her upset. No excuses._

The captain leaned forward, pressing his head against one of the doors. _But maybe she didn't. Maybe it's some other Robin. There are plenty of Robins in the world. She could've just as easily been talking about someone else. It's probably just a coincidence._

There were a few seconds of silence, followed by Subarashii tapping his forehead against the door. _That's bullshit and you know it. You never believed in coincidence. Not once. Everything happens for a reason. You fucked up, and you need to make amends. You are the Greatest Space Pirate in the Universe™. You are the Crewless Captain. You have nothing to lose. So swallow your damn pride and go apologize!_

With that, the captain pushed the door open and walked in, silently marching down the stairs to the front row.

He saw Raven get to her feet as he reached the bottom, though she hadn't turned to look at him.

"Crona, I was hoping I could-"

She stopped as she turned to look at the captain, realizing who had arrived.

_Oh, right. No "yoho". Threw her off, I guess._ the captain thought.

"…hey." the captain weakly gave.

"…hey…"

_Well, we're off to a great start._ the captain bitterly thought.

He reached back, scratching the back of his neck in mild embarrassment. "So…listen, I…I wanted to apologize."

Raven neutral expression didn't change, so the captain decided to continue.

"I…I was just trying to cheer you up by making fun of the situation…that's how I usually cope with things…but I guess I went a little far…so…yeah, I'm sorry…for what I said."

Raven stared at him for a short while, making the captain more nervous than he already was. He then heard a loud _SNAP_, and noticed that Raven had closed the book she had been carrying. She tossed it onto the seat beside her, then looked back up at Subarashii, expression still neutral.

"If you want me to accept your apology…you need to answer a question first."

The captain frowned, but nodded. Raven walked forward, coming to a stop in front of him.

"Why are you so calm about this?"

The captain sighed. _Should've known…_

"Well…it's simple, really." he replied, crossing his arms while doing so. "I've already accepted that I am fictional."

Raven stared at him, her expression changing to one of stunned disbelief. After a short while, she placed a hand over her face.

"Subarashii…you can't just accept something like that."

"Why not? Logically speaking, it wouldn't make sense for him to bring in one fictional character and two "real world" people. Why can't I just accept it?"

"Because you don't know what it's like!" Raven shouted, her hand dropping to show her frustrated face. "You don't know what it's like to have your view on your entire existence be changed completely!"

"Neither do you!"

"_And I'm thankful for that_! Do you have any idea how much I hate myself for thinking "good thing it wasn't me" when Crona went through it? Do you have any idea how scared I am that I or one of my friends is next? I've spent almost every waking hour in my room, meditating for what seems like forever, just so that I don't accidentally create a monster from my fear!"

Raven turned away from Subarashii, walking away while rubbing her forehead to try to eliminate some of her stress.

"…you can do that?" Subarashii wondered.

"That's not the point, dammit!" Raven yelled, turning back to face him. "You can't just magically pretend you understand what it means to be fictional! What Crona went through…I can't even begin to imagine what it's like!"

"And how do we know he hasn't already recovered from it? You've seen him already! He's happy! He's the happiest he's ever been! He must've accepted this!"

"No he hasn't! He and Maka haven't even talked about it! They've both run away, and frankly, I don't blame them! And even if they _did_ talk about it, that doesn't mean they would get over it!"

"How can you be so sure they wouldn't?"

"Because we haven't."

Two heads snapped to where the voice came from. Standing near the bottom of the stairs was Crona, a solemn expression on his face. He quietly walked past the two and sat in his usual seat. They sat in their own beside him, and Raven noticed that he looked more tired than he ever had. Both physically and emotionally.

"We…we talked about it." Crona explained, before turning to look at Raven. "…I'm sorry, but I still don't think I can help you much…"

Raven blinked, a frown coming over her face as she placed a hand on Crona's shoulder. "Crona…you didn't have to do that just for me…"

Crona shook his head. "Th-That wasn't why…" he murmured, before looking down at his feet. "…it…it happened to Soul…"

Subarashii blinked. "Maka's partner?"

"Yeah…he was brought in when it was just Maka and me…"

Neither of the other two said anything in response. Raven noticed Subarashii gripping the arm of his chair to the point that his knuckles were losing colour.

"After we were done…Maka and I promised that we'd talk about it…and we just finished doing that…"

Crona leaned back, letting out a breath. "It was…good and bad…"

Raven frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Chapter 75, Page 8, Panel 1."

Both Subarashii and Raven gasped as that one image floated into their minds with picture-perfect clarity. Raven's teeth grit instinctively, and she heard Subarashii choke back what was most likely a curse or some other declaration of anger.

"Yeah…" Crona replied. "Giriko is _very_ lucky that he's already dead…"

The two of them looked at Crona in surprise of his statement, but if he noticed them, he didn't show it, instead choosing to continue.

"We found out that we can call up anything about us when we want to…we just have to know what we're looking for…we now know everything we can about our friends…"

Crona reached up and brushed some hair out of his face, his hand resting on his forehead. "I guess…we're more efficient, this way…"

Raven gently rubbed Crona's shoulder in an attempt to comfort him. She wanted to say something, but nothing came to mind.

"But…the actual acceptance of being fictional…" Crona continued. "…it's one thing to accept having a God…we talk to the closest thing we have to a God every day…I've gone against his wishes more than once…but…to accept that there's some being out there that created us that we can't see…that is, essentially, controlling everything we do and what decisions we make…"

Crona had leaned forward while talking, his hands fidgeting in his lap. Unable to think of what else to say, he simply sighed, giving the two a weary smile.

"I guess we still have a lot to talk about…"

Crona was then very surprised to have Raven's arms wrap around him, pulling him into a hug. He looked over at Subarashii and wondered if he looked as surprised as he did.

"R-Raven…?"

"I'm sorry, Crona…for everything you've been through…"

That was all Raven would say. Crona wondered why Raven was apologizing for something she had nothing to do with. He then remembered something Maka once told him, how sometimes people say they're sorry when their friends or loved ones are hurt. The implications of that set in, and Crona flushed a little. He still wasn't really sure how to react, so he just sat there, letting Raven hold him.

A clearing of the throat was what got both of their attentions, as they both looked at Subarashii, who was holding up one of their fanmail letters.

"Hey…listen, Crona…" he said. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to. You're obviously worn out from what was probably a hectic week…if you want to just skip today, that's fine. I think we can handle it ourselves. Right, Raven?"

He looked up at Raven, who had since let go of Crona. She gave a slight nod in response. Crona looked between the two, then took the letter in Subarashii's hand.

"N-No…that's OK. Like it or not, I'm a part of this now…I'll stay."

"Um…that's great, Crona…but that's one of _my_ letters…"

Crona blinked, turning the envelope over to see Subarashii's name on it. His face flushed in embarrassment, and he handed it back to him.

"S-Sorry…"

The captain simply grinned as he took the letter back. Then, that distinctive _splortch_ is heard, as Ragnarok popped out of Crona's back, laying on his head.

"Great, can we get going already? This guy's not the only one who's tired of this existentialist bullshit…"

Subarashii sighed as he opened his letter. "Yeah, yeah, have a little patience, frog…"

_Do you have a large crew?_

"…moving on."

_When's your birthday?_

"June 16th, by Earth time."

_Where is your favorite place in space?_

"…it's space. A large black area with tons of dots everywhere. It's all the same. Why would I have one favourite place?"

_Have you ever read a comic book?_

"Kind of pointless, considering I have information on comic books in my head."

_What race of all the ones you've seen, are the most different from humans? Care to describe them?_

"…I think I would have to go with the Deruvians. It's almost impossible to describe them since they don't have any physical forms. They're some weird gaseous creatures who appear as something completely different to each person who sees them, and they rarely appear as anything recognizable."

Raven raised an eyebrow. "You sure you didn't just take some weird space drug?"

"That is not a possibility I'm about to rule out."

_What is your best friends name?_

"…moving on."

Both Crona and Raven looked at one another as Subarashii opened his next letter. They had both noticed Subarashii's lack of willingness to mention anyone that he knew personally. Neither of them could really figure out why, though.

_suberatii(i feel like i mispelled that)_

"…you _are_ doing this on purpose."

_what's the closest star to earth's solar system?_

"How the hell should I know? I just go to the places, I don't memorize them."

_can i have one of your laser pistols?_

"Considering I only have the one I have, no."

_what's it like in space?_

"Dark, endless, and boring. I could've sworn I just went over this."

Subarashii tossed the letter aside and opened his next one.

_You don't give a damn, and that's fine. I'm okay with it. But sooner or later, someone's going to- MAN CARROT._

"…fuck everyone in your entire lineage, _you spawn of a sparrow_!"

_What sends shivers up your spine?_

"Well, that depends entirely on the context of your question, sparrow-fucker."

Raven frowned. "I thought they were just "the spawn of a sparrow"."

"Doesn't mean they don't fuck 'em too."

_Do you think pimpin' is easy?_

"Please. The only hard thing about pimping is convincing people you're some badass mofo instead of a gigantic douche. Not that anyone will believe you."

Raven tilted her head as Subarashii opened his next letter. "I wouldn't have said it in such a way, but…you hit the nail on the head."

"That's how I do it. Finding the nail and hitting it in the most vulgar way."

_I love you to bits, and love your reviews! You certainly are the Greatest Space Pirate in the Universe™!_

Subarashii grinned. "Well, finally! Nice to know _someone_ understands and appreciates my greatness!"

_Keep up the good work, and thank you for starting the songs and the TV Tropes references, I've learn a lot from you._

Subarashii turned to Raven. "You hear that? Not only am I wowing these people with my awesomeness, I'm also educating them!"

Raven rolled her eyes. "Yes, knowledge on random songs that only a few people will recognize is certainly important."

_What do you do to pass the time while sailing in space?_

"Nap, mostly. There's really not much to do up there except get from place to place. Well, that and the occasional raid."

_What is your choice of drink?_

Raven held up her hand. "I'm just going to guess that it's rum."

"Oh, of course you are. Do you have any idea how many times I've heard that? Just because Johnny Depp wandered around drunk for four movies, everyone assumes that all pirates just _love_ rum! Can't get enough of the shit! I am so sick of that stereotype!"

The room was silent for a few short seconds, before Subarashii let out a sigh.

"…but yes, it is rum."

_Who do you find your biggest inspiration? And just for security, you cannot say yourself._

"…OK, I like this one. She's thinking ahead. Anyway, if you must know, my biggest inspiration is the one and only, the manliest of the manly, Bruce Campbell."

Raven stared at the captain. "I hope you understand how hard it is for me to hold in my shock."

"Oh, shut up. Any man who has a pair looks up to the great Campbell. I even have a chainsaw in my ship out of respect for what is, without a doubt, a man among men."

Raven rolled her eyes, deciding to go next and opening her first letter.

_What's coolest part of being a superhero?_

"Well, outside of getting to live in a huge tower funded by the government, rent-free, I'd have to say I just enjoy having the knowledge that I made a difference in someone's life, whether it be direct or indirect."

Crona tilted his head. "Wouldn't it get kind of drafty in a tower…?"

"Oh, no, it's not one of those old towers you find in a castle. It's really just a big skyscraper. We call it a tower because…well…it just sounds better."

Subarashii shrugged. "As good a reason as any."

_Is there a benefit of not showing emotion?_

"From a logical standpoint, it makes it easier to throw off any enemies that are trying to play psychological warfare. From a personal standpoint…no, no there isn't."

_What's your favorite desert?_

"…pie."

Subarashii grinned. "Well, now, this explains quite a bi-"

"_RAVEN CHOP_!"

Subarashii groaned, holding his impacted face. _Well, nice to know things are somewhat back to normal…_

_Do you look up to any famous people?_

Raven looked at the letter for a moment, before turning away, muttering something under her breath.

Crona frowned. "Um…Raven, we can't really hear you…"

Raven mumbled again, slightly louder and yet still inaudible.

Subarashii tilted his head. "Little louder, kiddo. And it'd help if you were facing our general direction somewhat."

Raven sighed, turning to face the screen.

"Johnny Depp."

Crona tilted his head in confusion at the big grin that spread over Subarashii's face. Raven turned to glare at Subarashii, and Crona noticed that her face was slightly red.

"Look, he's a very talented, multi-faceted actor! He's excellent at getting into the character he's portraying and making them believable, and he actually had chances to prove how good he was before he was typecast as the local nut after his role as Captain Jack! I admire and respect his talent and ability, _but that's it_!"

Subarashii turned away, hands over his mouth. "I wasn't gonna say anything…really, I wasn't…"

_If there was one issue in the world you could solve, what would it be?_

Raven sighed. This wasn't going to be an easy one to answer. Her mind was swimming with all of the problems that she couldn't solve with just a wave of her hand and her trademark magic words. Poverty, world hunger, corrupt governments, evil dictatorships, war, genocide, murder, torture, racism, sexism, pedophilia, rape…

She took a short side glance at Crona, who was watching her quietly, waiting for an answer. Finally, she spoke, staring at the screen.

"Child abuse."

_Least favorite television program?_

"Probably something involving a win-a-spouse competition. Not that the so-called sanctity of marriage can be damaged any further, but I just don't like having to watch it happen right in front of me."

Subarashii raised an eyebrow as Raven opened her next letter. "Does everything have to turn into a political talk with you?"

"When you deal with that sort of thing a lot, you tend to focus on it even when you don't mean to."

_was it you wh siad i hate you with my question and if so why. if not who was it and will you find out their reasons?_

Crona raised his hand. "Actually, that was me. Raven just agreed with me."

Raven nodded. "And considering what happened the last time we read a fic involving teen pregnancy, can you really blame us?"

_who is the person you least want to see in the morning?_

"Technically, I don't want to see anyone in the morning, because that would mean someone was in my room when I woke up. _And that should never happen_."

_if you weren't a super hero what job could you see yourself doing?_

"…working at a…bookstore? I guess?"

Subarashii frowned as Raven opened her next letter. "Wow, that's clichéd, even for you."

"Hey, I don't know what I would do if I wasn't a superhero! It's what I know!"

_I love you Raven. You're classy as hell._

"Well, I do try…"

_You and Starfire. Starfire and you. Waddaya say? *wink wink nudge nudge*_

Raven stared at the letter for a few moments, then calmly ripped the letter apart numerous times, tossing the bits in the air and letting them fall to the ground in front of her.

"That would be what I have to say."

She frowned as she opened her next letter. "And Subarashii, if you bring up that pie joke again, I promise that the book won't stop when it finds your face."

"…you are no fun."

_I have always admired you, and respect everything you do. I know your reason and logic will get you through any difficulties, and I'm so glad that you're strong enough to go through with this. YOu are very entertaining, and nice job on keeping Subarashii in check._

Raven stared at the letter, a look of surprise on her face. "Um…th…thank you…thank you very much…"

_When hanging out with your friends, what is your favorite activity to do with them?_

"No real preferences. I'm usually the one who's just sitting there, listening to what the others have to say."

_If you had to share a room with someone, would you rather share one with Beast Boy or Cyborg?_

"Cyborg."

Subarashii opened his mouth to speak, only for Raven to cut him off. "And yes, that's all the explanation you're getting."

He crossed his arms and gave a slight "humph" in response.

_What sort of genres of books do you like to read?_

Raven sighed. "Again, why not just ask me something simple? Like which child is my favourite?"

Crona stared at Raven, jaw hanging open slightly.

"…it's an expression, Crona."

Crona flushed slightly as he opened his first letter. "Er…right…"

_What's your favorite icecream flavor?_

"Vanilla…I definitely answered this question before…"

Subarashii sighed. "That's the downside of you pulling double-duty, kiddo."

_What's the craziest thing anyone has dared you to do?_

Crona looked up at Ragnarok. "…where to start…"

"Hey! I don't dare you to do _every_ stupid thing you've ever done!"

"…Soul's old headband…"

"_ONE TIME_!"

_Ever tried baking?_

"…why do they always explode…?"

Subarashii blinked. "Huh?"

"The cooking…things. They always explode when I get near them…"

"…even the stuff you actually make?"

"Have you ever seen a fully-baked cookie explode…? It's…distressing…"

_Have you ever been to the beach?_

"No…we talked about going, but it's been too hot lately…"

Raven frowned. "Well, considering you live in Nevada…"

"It's been _really_ hot lately…"

_Have you ever tried to drive? (Kindly ignore this question if Chrona isn't of driving age.)_

Crona looked up at Ragnarok again. "There's a good example…"

"Oh come on, it wasn't that bad!"

"Th-They couldn't even tell that there was a car! They said there was nothing left but a pile of metal!"

"They were exaggerating!"

_Have you ever watched a play and/or musical?_

"No…none have come to town, and no one's felt the need to put one on…"

Subarashii tilted his head as Crona opened his next letter. "Just what do you guys do when you're not out killing random monsters?"

"…regular, everyday stuff…?"

_does free really misfire spells and end up hitting himself?_

Crona sighed. "_I don't know_. I never spoke to him during the short time period we could've talked. I have just as much to go by as you do. Please, _stop asking me about him_."

_what time did you fall asleep last night?_

"…good question…"

_if i bought you an mp3 player and headphones would you listen to it or regift it?_

"…regift, I guess…what would I listen to, anyway…?"

Crona dropped the letter onto the ground in front of him, ripping open the next one.

_I just need to say this- I'm cool with the whole you and Maka thing you got going on there,_

Crona blushed and tried to ignore Subarashii's snickering.

_but personally I prefer you and Kid._

"…wait, _WHAT_?"

_You should read some of the crazy fics about you two. Just puttin' it out there._

"…great, now I'm going to have to read one of those…thanks a lot…"

_And you should have been Shilo. You fit the part much better._

Subarashii grinned. "Ah, there we go! Someone got it!"

"…she just said I'd be better as the girl…"

"…shutting up."

_Favorite book?_

"At the moment? Uh…The Lovely Bones?"

_Why did you have jellybeans? Who gave you them and did they taste amazing?_

"…because I like jellybeans? And we have a magic snack table here…"

Subarashii groaned as Crona opened his last letter. "Great, now every fanfic involving you after this will reference you liking jellybeans in some way."

Raven frowned. "We're not _that_ influential."

"Just watch. You'll see."

_Sorry for my question last time with Maka and Soul, you know about certain garments and what sort... Anyway! I'm really sorry about that since I already knew the answer, just wanted to hear a reason why behind it. Forgive me?_

Subarashii raised an eyebrow. "…"certain garments"?"

"Yes! Yes, I forgive you! Just please don't embarrass me like that again!"

_Do you know when your birthday is? If so, when is it? If not, what do you want it to be, or what horoscope do you wish to be?_

"I don't know much about horoscopes…and I'm not really worried about not knowing what my birthday is…"

_What do you think of Soul? He seems like he'd make a pretty cool brother to you, I mean, better than Ragnarok who always teases you._

"…well, I guess so…I never really thought about that…"

_Oh, and Ragnarok, even though you've been so mean to Crona, I still think you've done a good job in acting like his older brother all this time, and the teasing is cute as I know it's "harmless" fun. Harmless in the sense you don't want to hurt him emotionally..._

Ragnarok stared at the letter for a few minutes before looking off to the side, giving a snort while doing so. "Whatever."

_When Ragnarok used your arm to lift Maka's skirt, why did you grab the skirt to continue the action? I've been wondering that with my friends, even though we sort of know the answer to that one._

It was at that moment that Subarashii truly understood the phrase "you could cut the tension with a knife". For he could feel that distinct level of tension permeate the room as Crona stared at the letter, face redder than ever.

Then, Crona began to shake. Slowly at first, then with increasing speed and ferocity, to the point that he was making his own seat shake as well. Subarashii could swear he heard something equivalent to steam escaping a kettle while this was happening.

Crona only came to a stop when he realized that he accidentally tore the letter to pieces while shaking. Still bright red, his face only barely visible due to him looking at his shoes, he spoke.

"C-C-Could s-someone-"

Subarashii was already on his feet, marching to the table and ripping the envelope open.

_This one should be an easy one to handle. Never has blatant destruction of continuity been more apparent than in this fic_.

_It is an Animorphs fic titled Animorphs 55 The Changes, by one Arider12._

_Have fun._

Subarashii growled slightly as he crumpled the letter. "Great, now they're fucking with Animorphs…and they even have the gall to call it another book in the series…"

Raven sighed, turning to look at Crona as Subarashii returned to his seat. "Are you alright?"

Crona nodded, looking up. "Y-Yeah…I think so…I just…"

He sighed, leaning back in his seat. "I'm just so tired…"

/

**I DO NOT own Animorphs. This is something I just made up. I DO NOT own the characters. SOME of this came out of 54.**

Raven: However much will be too much.

**PLEASE read and enjoy.**

Subarashii: Begging us to like your piece of crap won't make us like it, you know.

**Chapter One**

**"Ram the Blade ship."**

Crona: …he's changing the ending, isn't he?

Subarashii: Looks like it. And, in all fairness, it couldn't possibly be worse than the real ending.

Raven: …you didn't like the ending of the series?

Subarashii: I didn't mind that they killed off some of the cast, or that they changed the relationships around. I just wish it didn't end on a fucking cliffhanger!

Raven: The whole point of the series was to tell of the horrors of war. The ending perfectly captured that theme, signifying the never-ending aspect of it, and how it's almost impossible for one to escape it once they're involved.

Crona: …and he's about to ruin that.

Raven: Looks like it.

**The words came out of my mouth faster than I could think about them.**

Subarashii: Acting without thinking. I can see why you were made leader, Jake-O.

**After I said it, I looked around my crew. Marco, my best friend who always had my back and a sarcastic comment, Menderash-Postill-Fastill the Andalite who became a human to save his Prince, Santorelli, who had been one of my "students" even though he was five years older than me, whom I asked to join this mission, Jeanne, another one of my students that I chose to come on this mission, and Tobias; Tobias who more than likely still hates me for sending Rachel on the Blade ship four years ago. Five more people I had just killed.**

Crona: Well, if you knew this was going to end with everyone dying, why'd you do it?

Raven: I think we're supposed to assume he's crazy. At least, if we're trying to be logical here. Which we probably shouldn't be.

**Add them to my total of… I don't even know how many beings I have killed in the past six years. So with the thought of knowing that there was no escape from this impending death, I did the only thing I could.**

Subarashii: Tuck your head between your legs?

**I closed my eyes.**

Subarashii: That works too. Well, that was a short one! Wasn't that bad, actually. So, I guess I'll be seeing you guys-

**Chapter Two**

Subarashii: …_son of a motherfuck_!

Raven: Are you trying to say that this is the product of inbreeding?

Subarashii: Yes, that is exactly what I'm saying!

**My name is Jake. I probably don't have to tell you my last name or where I live.**

Raven: Considering your last name is the only one we learned throughout the entire series, no, you don't.

**You've probably read all about me and my friends in a history book or something.**

Crona: Yeah…or something…

**That's all we Animorphs are now, history. So, I don't have to tell you about the night when my friends and I saw the light in the sky and met a dying Andalite prince who told us about the Yeerks. I don't have to say that Yeerks take control of you mind by entering you ear and pressing themselves against your brain, making you their total slave. I don't have to talk about how we (me, Marco, Cassie, Rachel, Tobias and Ax, Elfangor's little brother) fought them for three years; winning some battles and losing others. I don't need to talk about how the war ended with me ordering my cousin, Rachel, to go kill my brother, Tom because he was our main opponent then.**

Raven: No, you didn't need to tell us all that. Yet you felt the need to do so anyway. This smells of copying.

**INSERT NEEDLESSLY LONG RECAP OF ANIMORPHS 54 HERE**

Subarashii: Geez, can you stuff in any more padding than you already have? It's almost like you think we haven't read the last book!

**Before I closed my eyes, I saw Rachel standing there giving me the saddest look I had ever seen.**

Crona: I guess he is crazy…

**Chapter Three**

**There still wasn't any impact. I opened my eyes and took a cautious look around. No one was moving, let alone breathing. Inwardly I groaned, only one person could do this over and over again- the Ellimist.**

Raven: Oh, of course! If there's anyone who can completely ruin the continuity of this story from within the story itself, it's the godlike alien who took a vow of _non-interference_!

Subarashii: Yeah, because The Watcher followed that _so_ well…

**Sure enough, there he was in his old man form, looking harmless, not like the master of time and space we know. "You have come far Jacob Berenson," he said to me. I winced a little, no one calls me by my full name; not even my parents.**

Subarashii: Well, then, you're _really_ in trouble, aren't ya?

**"Now you have a choice to make." Another wince. Every time the Ellimist offers a choice there is some ugly catch to it that you will regret.**

Crona: Except for this time, probably…

**I sighed, "Fine. What is it now? Defeat The One or run away? Free or dead?" He chuckled at me. Unbelievable.**

Subarashii: Nah, that is way too simple and nowhere near enough damage to the storyline!

**"No nothing like that. The good of the universe or yours and your crew's lives will do," he said matter-of-factly.**

Raven: Oh, well, if that's all…

**Oh, this was going to be worse than I ever imagined. Why did he even ask? He had to know what I would choose, the same thing I did when Elfangor asked if we wanted the morphing power.**

Crona: You're going to choose to get the superpower to turn into any animal you touch?

**"And the catch?" I asked, only to receive another chuckle.**

**"If you give up your life, The One will also 'die' in its own way. But if you choose to live, The One will continue to gain power and you will have to confront him when he is even more powerful," he answered.**

**"Great. Die now or later," I mumbled**

Subarashii: *chants* Now, now, now, now…

**then raised my voice. "Anything else?" He nodded.**

**"There is something that will be accessible if and only if you choose to die." I let that sink in for a minute.**

**"I'd rather give up my life and save the rest of the universe," I said. My voice sounded stronger but inside I was scared. Suddenly I heard a loud sound and felt something hit me and the world, and then I knew no more.**

Subarashii: Alright! Well, that was a bit of a scare, but still not too bad, and at least he's dead! So, guess I'll see you-

**Chapter Four (Changes)**

Subarashii: GYAAAAAAAAAAAA-

**I was on the pool ship. Ax was looking at me, waiting for a decision on whether or not to flush the 17,000 Yeerks into space. I'd been here before and it has always haunted me.**

Raven: Oh, great, it involves time travel as well. Because we simply can't ruin the story enough, can we?

**I looked around; no one was there except an old man. Ellimist.**

Crona: But…didn't you just say that Ax was there? It's not that no one is there, it's that they're not doing anything. Can you please try to be consistent…?

**"What was the point?" I demanded. "I die and you bring me back to the second worst moment of my life?"**

Subarashii: "Hey, just be thankful I didn't take you back to that one time with Cassie, the barn, and your raging hormones! I mean, _damn_ that was embarrassing!"

**He shook his head. "Crayak wants to play another game, but with new Yeerks and new humans. He wants to know if you were simply lucky or truly better than him.**

Raven: Rather uncharacteristically petty of the alien equivalent of Sauron.

**If you flush these Yeerks, here and now, they will be transported to another place where they will slowly build their own forces.**

Subarashii: Either that or freeze to death in the depths of space. Because, you know, that's what should happen.

**Then you will get to make three changes to this time line and live the rest of your life.**

Raven: …OK, I know the Ellimist only barely followed his non-interference vow, but not even he would go so far as to deliberately alter a timeline! Unless it was already screwed up to begin with…_Elfangor_.

**A new group of humans will receive the morphing power and will fight the Yeerks.**

Raven: …Crona, please, _don't panic_.

Crona: I'm trying not to!

**If you do not flush these Yeerks, things will remain as they are." I paused to think about that. Three changes could mean life or death for Rachel and a different future for all of us. But could I really give the same fight that was ours to some unknown people?**

Raven: No, you wouldn't. Your chief personality aspect is your responsible nature, which is why you were made the leader and why you take it upon yourself to shoulder everyone else's burdens. It's why you were such a mess after the war, because you felt responsible for all of the deaths. Which is why what's about to happen _would never actually happen_.

**I wish the others were here. Cassie would argue the morality, Marco would find the little details, Rachel would be gung ho, Ax would follow me anywhere, and Tobias would make the final decision.**

Crona: And only one of those is relevant to the topic at hand…

**But they weren't here, it was up to me.**

**"All right. I'll do it," I told the Ellimist.**

Subarashii: *makes tire screeching noises* That would be Jake's character taking a sharp left turn off of a cliff.

**"What are your changes?"**

**"1. Rachel gets transported to the Pool Ship after killing Tom. 2. Tobias becomes a morph capable human. 3. Only those high in the government will know that we were the Animorphs. To everyone else, including past controllers, we are just five unknown humans,"**

Crona: …why didn't he ask for Tom to be saved as well? Being known as the Animorphs by the entire world seems like a small price to pay for saving his brother's life…

**Marco would kill me for losing his super stardom, but I felt like it would actually be better if we lived normal lives.**

Subarashii: OK, there's being the responsible, big-brother type and looking out for your friends, and then there's just controlling their lives because _you_ think it'd be better for them. Take a wild fucking guess which one you're doing.

**The Ellimist bowed his head.**

**"It is done, and only you shall remember the other time line and what transpired there. The world unfroze and the battle continued.**

Raven: Maybe we'll get lucky and he'll die anyway.

Subarashii: Don't get my hopes up, please.

**Chapter Five**

**Here's the funny thing about the Ellimist- he can change three things, yet everything else is the same.**

Raven: Well, we have to at least _pretend_ he doesn't interfere too much…

**I was in my tiger morph, watching Rachel fight for her life, knowing that this time I could, would, and did help her. It still hurt watching her kill Tom, but now I think that the real Tom, my older brother, wouldn't have minded dying as long as he was free.**

Crona: Again, you could've just asked the Ellimist to save him instead of making the Animorphs a secret to the world…this Jake doesn't have his priorities straight…

Subarashii: Understatement of the day, kiddo.

**I turned away from the screen as Rachel demorphed knowing that she would be here. The others might have though that I gave up on her, but I never will again. Sure enough, just as the polar bear was about to strike, a human Rachel disappeared from the Blade ship and landed right in front of me on the Pool ship. I demorphed as quickly as possible, and then ran to give her a hug.**

Raven: …what? That's it? Just "poof", and there she is? No one's going to question just how that happened? Just, all of a sudden, she's there, alive and well? …I can't remember the last time I saw something that blatantly weak.

**"I'm so sorry Rachel," I whispered as we hugged.**

**"Why are you sorry Jake?" she asked me, "I'm the one that killed your brother."**

Crona: Which you could've saved.

Raven: Are you going to mention that every time Tom comes up?

Crona: Considering it's a very stupid and out-of-character decision, yes…

**"I almost got you killed though Rachel," I reminded her. After our short exchange, the others had turned around and were around us. I backed out and told Ax to contact the Andalite home world while I went with Toby, who just arrived on scene to talk to the captured controllers.**

**"Marco?" I called as I started to leave.**

**"Yeah Jake?" He responded.**

**"When I get back, I want Visser One, in a jar, Allorn freed, and a ticked Andalite on screen. Got it?"**

**"Yes sir!" He said and gave me a mock salute.**

Subarashii: a) How in the hell is Marco going to accomplish all of that? b) Am I the only one who sees something familiar about that…?

Raven: No, you aren't…

**I would have laughed but I was entering a room filled with Hork-Bajir, humans, taxxons and more importantly, Yeerks.**

**"Toby? Who is in charge of their forces?" I asked her as I struggled to catch up**

**"Sub visser Seventy-Four claims and appears to be the leader," She responded. Toby is what the Hork-Bajir call a seer. To us, she is a genius born in a race of generally slow people.**

Raven: Yes, we know. I know they explained these things at least once per book, but you don't need to tell us what we already know!

**I saw a Hork-Bajir approach and assumed it was the sub visser. I couldn't tell what exactly she wanted, but I gave her the best option I had. I would try to convince the Andalites to give the morphing technology and create Yeerk nothlits. I just wasn't sure how, I mean Ax has gotten better since he's been on Earth, but Andalites are a pretty arrogant species and hate being told what to do.**

Raven: It's very disheartening to find out that the race of aliens you believed were great heroes were actually a group of arrogant jerks…

Subarashii: Dammit woman, would you swear for once in your life? Call them a bunch of cocksucking pricks already!

Raven: 1) I'm trying to be the one with some degree of class here, and 2) that's too many male genitalia in one sentence.

**I thought about what I should say as I walked back to the bridge. Once I got there I saw Marco and Rachel crowded around something while Tobias and Ax crowded around something else. I went to Marco and Rachel first. There, on the floor of a Yeerk space ship, floating in a jar was Visser Three/One. The enemy. Captured at last. **_**Which means…**_** I thought as I went to see Tobias. He and Ax were helping Alloran-Semitur-Corrass readjust to his freedom after nearly two decades of enslavement.**

**Thank you He said, suddenly turning to me, You have freed me and ended a war which has haunted many people**

Crona: *squints* …where are the quotation marks?

Subarashii: Oh, what, you're not going to do anything for the thought-speak? Come on, Applegate at least had the courtesy to put brackets around them! Hell, just use italics like everyone else! Do _something_, or this is going to get confusing fast!

**I'd like to say I said something diplomatic and sincere. Instead I said, "My pleasure," which was loaded with a lot of sarcasm in my head.**

Subarashii: What a dick.

**Prince Jake? Ax called, demanding my attention.**

**"Don't call me Prince," I said out of reflex. "What?"**

**I have the Andalite fleet on screen. They believe we are Yeerks**

**"Of course," Marco grumbled but was quickly quiet after a jab from Rachel.**

**"Alright Ax, who am I talking to?" I addressed the later part to the Andalite on screen.**

**Captain-Prince Asculan-Semitur-Langor. And you are, Yeerk?**

**"First and finally Captain, I am not, nor are my friends Yeerks. My name is Jake Berenson and I am commander of this ship. I will be willing to not only hand over this ship but coordinates to the Blade ship if you and your people would simply comply with some requests." I hated being the diplomat and coming up with speeches.**

Raven: And yet you seem to be having no problem with it.

**Demands? Asculan practically roared, if you can in thought-speak, You have no right to be demanding anything, human. If not for our people keeping the Yeerks at bay, your entire planet would be lost!**

**"At least he doesn't think we're Yeerks anymore," Rachel said brightly. I had to resist the urge to send her a glare.**

**"It was your people Captain that started this war. Yet it is **_**my**_** people who have captured Visser One, freed War-Prince Alloran, and ended this war.**

Raven: _Very_ heavily debatable. After all, there are still the other Vissers and Sub-Vissers who could get promoted, as well as the Council of Thirteen that we know next to nothing about.

Crona: Actually…wasn't it sort of implied that they only won one large battle, and that that pretty much put them out of the whole war?

Raven: Yes, which helped emphasize the scope of the Yeerk's influence and made the story seem that much more bleak. Which was a _good thing_.

**It was your people who were ready to release a virus on my planet, killing **_**my**_** species. And I believe, that the citizens of your people, who are peace loving, wouldn't take kindly to their military keeping secrets," I said. "Or, why don't you ask them yourself, Captain? No doubt they are all attentively watching this historic moment." That was it; I had finally hit Asculan's last nerve. But I kind of felt sorry for the guy, I mean he was just doing his duty.**

Subarashii: Doesn't mean he has to be a dick about it. Oh, I guess that's why you sympathize with him.

**After a pause there came a reply.**

**I will come to your vessel with my crew to negotiate your…demands human Asculan said, and then severed the communication.**

**I sighed, "Marco, next time you are the leader okay?"**

Raven: Yeah, making the sarcastic Machiavelli-in-training the leader sounds like a capital idea…

**We all stared at each other for a second then started to laugh. The fact that we had captured the most powerful alien and put an end to an inter-galactic war, only to be waiting on some alien to come up with negotiations was just funny. As usual, Ax, and now Alloran, didn't understand the joke.**

Subarashii: Because it's not like Ax lived among them for years and gained a better understanding of their culture or anything. That'd just take away from the little the author knows of his character!

**But once the laughter stopped, I felt tears come to my eyes. I turned away from the group so that they didn't see but I had a feeling they knew. I heard someone come up behind me. Part of me hoped it was Cassie.**

**"You okay?" Rachel asked.**

Subarashii: Wop-wop-wop-wahhhhhhhhhh.

**"No," I answered truthfully. "I sent my cousin to kill my brother and left her for dead. I sent 17,000 Yeerks to their deaths in space. I'm the reason James and his people are more than likely dead." Saying it aloud, to someone who understood, who had been there, just made the reality hit that much harder.**

**"Jake, do you remember when we had to deal with David, and you told me that you were worried about what this war would turn me into? I worried about you. You had the weight of saving the world on your shoulders and you were only 14. You've been in more battles than most soldiers. But look around Jake. You saved the world. You saved all the Animorphs. Those people that died? They knew that they were dying because they had to save the world. Yeah you made tough calls, and yeah people died because of you. But even more people lived." With that she got up and walked away.**

Crona: Oh, hey, you could've asked the Ellimist to save everyone who would've died in the war. Or ask him to make it so the war never happened to begin with. After all, he never specified what exactly could be changed. Probably should've thought for a bit before you answered…

Subarashii: Why are you trying to make Jake feel miserable?

Crona: …I'm not sure…

**Chapter Six**

**I'd like to say that after Rachel's speech I overcame all my pain. I really would. Yeah I felt better, but I knew that some of that pain wouldn't go away and I would have to deal with it.**

Raven: For all of five minutes, probably.

**INSERT REPEAT OF EVENTS FROM ANIMORPHS 54 HERE**

Subarashii: …so, Ax still gets made Prince, and the Taxxons still get their morphing powers? …what the hell was the point of writing all of that if nothing changed?

Raven: And realistically speaking, are we really supposed to accept that that's _all_ that's changed? There are no consequences to Jake altering the timeline at all? That's not how it's supposed to work! They specifically mention the butterfly effect when it comes to time travel the very first time they meet the Ellimist! But, of course, we're just going to completely ignore that for the sake of "fixing" things!

**Chapter Seven**

**After the officer left, there were several cheers. After three long years, the war for Earth was over! And we won. Anyway, shortly after our mini-celebration, we were boarded on Ax's new ship. It was sleek, fast, comfortable, and cool. It was like the sports car of space ships.**

Subarashii: Yeah, that's descriptive…

Crona: You want him to spend three paragraphs describing the ship…?

Subarashii: …never mind.

**I gathered everyone together for a quick team meeting before we landed on Earth.**

**"Okay guys, listen up," I began, "When the ship touches the ground, I want everyone in fly morph. We are going to get off this ship without anyone knowing. Ax and Asculan will claim that five unknown morph-capable humans helped end this war. Then we can live our normal lives."**

Raven: Yeah, because everyone will buy that story…

**"What! Jake, you gotta be kidding me!" Marco, of course. "We worked our butts off, and we don't even get a reward!"**

**"Marco, think about this way. If we became the saviors of Earth, we would have no privacy, you would be surrounded by security everywhere you went. People would try to kill you on a regular basis. Does that sound fun?" I asked. I knew what parts of being famous Marco had hated, so I played on those parts.**

Subarashii: What a great friend. Manipulating his pal to not want something he clearly thinks he deserves just to make his own life easier. Great guy, that Jake.

**"All I want is to live a normal life," Rachel said. She was immediately backed by Cassie and Tobias nodding their heads. Marco sighed, he knew he was beaten.**

Crona: Why can't Marco reveal himself while the others keep quiet? It's not like Marco would name names if they didn't want him to. He can still be famous and the others can be left alone. Why does this need to be a secret?

**"Fine but we are going to get some money out of this, right Jake?"**

**"Yeah Marco, I have a feeling the government wants us big time." I said with a smile as Earth came into view.**

Crona: …no one's going to even address that question, are they?

Subarashii: 'Fraid not. Sorry, pal.

**I looked down and saw a large crowd of reporters and ordinary people waiting for the ship to land. "Everyone! Start morphing now!" I yelled. I walked up to Ax. "Ax, do us justice all right?"**

**Of course Prince Jake,**

**"Ax. You are now a Prince. You DO NOT have to call me prince. Okay, I have to go, see you around Ax," all right, I'll admit it, I suck at goodbyes. But as I was morphing I heard Ax in my head:**

**Yes, Prince Jake But he was giving me that Andalite smile so I didn't yell at him.**

**Everyone here? I called out in thought speak. I got various answers of yes, yeah, and whatever. That last one was curtsey of Marco. Then let's fly five flies headed to the newly opened door.**

All: *groan*

**Let's fly? Marco asked mockingly. Next time, Jake buddy, you leave the jokes to me**

Raven: Yes, please do.

**Oh, shut up Marco, Rachel said distractedly. We flew toward a gas station that I had noticed in the back ground. Luckily for us, the bathrooms were empty so no one had to watch the ugly transformation of fly to human. Then we walked out of the bathroom and joined the sea of reporters who were listening to Ax talk.**

**"I never thought Ax would be a great speaker," Cassie admitted truthfully.**

**"Neither did I, but he's good," I said. And it was true. Ax talked about Elfangor, how he gave the morphing power to five human children. How those children rescued him, all the battles we had been in. And how those children saved the planet. Once Ax finished talking, Asculan took over and started talking about allies, what humans and Andalites can gain from each other, etc. "Come on guys, let's go home" I said and we walked away from all the people and headed to the airport.**

Subarashii: If that cheesy line means anything, then we can officially cue the timeskip…

**Chapter Eight**

**Fifteen Years Later**

Subarashii: Can I call 'em or what?

**We all settled down after the war, got jobs, started families, you know that kind of thing. Of course after all the excitement of the war calmed down, we were called in to the White House. We told them our side of the story and they listened. After wards they asked if we would work for the government as instructors on the morphing technology, using the power for spy missions and so on. All of us, except Cassie, said yes.**

Raven: Oh, yeah, that sounds like the "normal life" you wanted so badly…

**Cassie became the liaison of the free Hork-Bajir colony in Yellowstone and the American government, which suited her fine. She started dating some guy named Ronnie and after a few years, they got married. I don't know what happened between Cassie and I, and I don't think I ever will. Maybe the war changed us in ways that peace will never fix. Or maybe we just grew up.**

Subarashii: What, you didn't want to go the extra mile and put them back together? I mean, you're screwing up things enough as it is, may as well wreck that too!

**Anyway, she and Ronnie had a girl named Rebecca Chambers.**

Crona: …why does that name seem familiar…?

Raven: I'm not sure…I think it's just one of those names that's generic enough to sound familiar to anyone.

**Marco worked for the government as a tactical instructor. He taught recruits how to analyze situations and pick up the smallest details. Then he worked as a writer for all the big late-night talk shows. I guess America found him funny somehow, so he made a lot of money off of that. Son after becoming a script writer he met a girl named Victoria. She loved his jokes and as he would say- "my good looks, charm, and sense of humor". Soon they were married and had a little girl they named Emily.**

Crona: Marco's life doesn't seem that different from the way it was before…

Raven: The complete lack of realism with altering the timeline is only making this even worse than it already is.

Subarashii: …you do realize you're complaining about _realism_ in regards to a fictional concept, right?

Raven: Oh, shut up.

**Rachel and Tobias worked side-by-side in the morph section of the government. Tobias taught recruits how to fly cover in a mission and give orders from the air. Rachel taught them how to fight using the animal's instincts, something she excelled at. Three years later, they quit the government and moved in together. Tobias became a professor and taught ornithology at the local college. Rachel opened up her own fashion designer company and made a lot of money. They got married, as we all assumed they would, and had a little boy they named Thomas Alan Fangor, in honor of Tom and Elfangor when he was a human.**

Crona: …um, shouldn't his last name be whatever Tobias or Rachel's last name is? …or is Fangor Tobias's last name?

Raven: No, that was erased when Ellimist set the timeline right. I guess he just adopted the name, but this whole "honoring the fallen" is being taken a little far.

**Ax became a big time hero among both his people and ours. On the Andalite home-world he was an expert in all things human, and was allowed to visit Earth as much as he wanted. Eventually he and Estrid got together after working out the issues they developed, and they had a son they named Elfangor-Esgarouth-Sineral.**

Raven: See what I mean?

Subarashii: What, you expect him to come up with an original Andalite name?

**And me? Well I've worked for the government ever since the war ended. I taught leadership skills and morphing classes. I laughed about the morphing classes. If anyone should teach that class, it was Cassie. I asked her to stop by my class every once in a while, so that my "students" could see beautiful morphing in action. One of the things I liked best about working for the government was that, even though we made a lot of money (we are all multi-millionaires) they would hide that money so that we appeared like normal people to the general public.**

Subarashii: Yeah, that's sort of how they operate. Doi.

**After two years, I met a girl named Alicia who had been a controller during the war. Actually she had been a controller that we saved during one of our Yeerk-pool raids. She always talked about the Animorphs (we let that name be released to the public and got it trademarked- Marco's idea)**

Raven: Naturally.

**and I would be trying not to laugh cause she talked about how heroic they were, and the leader of the Animorphs was her husband. We had a son- Nicholas James. I let Alicia pick out the first name but I gave 'James' in honor of the Auxiliary Animorphs, but she didn't know that.**

Subarashii: OK, it was fine when Harry Potter did it, but this is just completely unoriginal!

Crona: …wow, he's more willing to honor the auxiliary Animorphs than his own brother or family. What a great person this Jake is…

**Chapter Nine**

**One day, a few months after my son turned 13, I left for "work". Alicia thinks that I have an unimportant desk job in the California branch of the CIA. In reality, every day I meet up with the other Animorphs, minus Cassie and Ax though I see Cassie sometimes with the governor, and we train morph capable soldiers who fight anti-terrorism.**

Raven: …and why doesn't Alicia know about this?

Subarashii: Guess she's not important enough.

Crona: Poor Alicia…

Raven: She's an OC, you know.

Subarashii: *sneezes*

Crona: *shudders*

**Sometimes, we even get to go out in the field and work a mission or two. When I go on "business trips to Langley" I actually go to the Andalite home-world to check on the technology trade and tourism projects.**

Crona: I wasn't aware Jake was so knowledgeable in business…especially off-world business…

**Anyway, I came home that afternoon and found five kids in my living room, two girls and three boys. One of the boys was my own Nico, with my brown hair and his mother's dark blue eyes. The other was my nephew/2nd cousin Tom, who has inherited his mother's blond hair and his father's dreamy brown eyes. The first girl was Emily, who had pale olive colored skin, dark brown hair and blue eyes. She reminded me so much of Marco, except the eyes, because she had the same sense of humor and liked to tease Tom. The second girl was Rebecca, or Becky, and she had light brown skin with her mother's dark hair and eyes. The only difference between her and Cassie was that Rebecca had a thing for fashion, which was heightened by her Aunt Rachel. I didn't know the third boy, so I assumed he was one of Nico's friends from school. He had black messy hair and bright green eyes.**

Crona: *trembles*

Subarashii: …oh you have got to be kidding me…they didn't even change the gender ratio? Or the "positions" of the kids? They're practically carbon copies of the originals! Couldn't this guy have at least _tried_ to do something new?

**"Hey dad!" Nico called to me as I walked through the door. Every time he calls me "dad" I want to laugh. I had thought I was going to die before I learned to drive, let alone have a kid.**

Subarashii: Way to steal Marco's joke from the _first fucking book_!

**"Hey Nico, who's your friend?" I asked him.**

**"Oh, this is Anthony, we met up with him at the mall after school," he answered casually. But I wasn't listening to my son anymore. I saw Rachel, Cassie, Marco, me, and Tobias all at the mall the night we met Elfangor. And for the first time in years, I thought about what the Ellimist had told me.**

Subarashii: See? Even Jake notices how blatant this is!

**'These Yeerks will build their own Empire and come to take Earth, which will be guarded by new protectors.' I knew now why Crayak and wanted this new game. He wanted to see my son fight and try to get Nico, since he never got me.**

**"Very good Jake the Yeerk killer," I heard from behind me. I spun around and saw the Drode. It still looked like a purple mechanical dinosaur. Harmless unless you knew who it served and what it could do, like I did.**

Raven: …why did I picture a robotic Barney when I read that description?

Subarashii: Because when you think of pure evil serving an even greater evil, you think of Robot Barney.

**"Drode," I growled "Why now! Why my son?"**

**"Because," he said in his high pitched grating voice "Crayak wants you. And you lived. So now my master set his sights on a new target."**

Crona: What's so special about Jake, anyway…? Crayak is some intergalactic Eldritch Abomination, why would he be so concerned about one ordinary human?

*TVTropes references: 34*

Subarashii: HEY!

**I swear I was so mad; stripes kept growing on my skin.**

Raven: You should probably get that looked at.

**The Drode saw this and backed away. "You must make the final decision, Jake. No Andalite is going to crash this time. You have to allow your son to fight." With that the Drode disappeared.**

**"Dad? You okay?" Nico asked me. Was I okay? No, I wasn't. I couldn't condemn my son to fight a war. It wasn't like us where we had no choice.**

**"Yeah," I heard myself say, "I'm going to go see Marco, tell mom I'll be back for dinner, ok?"**

**"Sure," he answered, his mind already refocused on the game he was playing.**

**I got back in my car and pulled out my phone. It was un traceable and no one could listen in, so I didn't have to use code.**

Crona: Should we even ask how that's possible…?

Raven: Let's not.

**"Hello?"**

**"Marco! Emergency meeting, now! Get the others and meet at the old spot!" I practically screamed in the phone.**

**"Jake, what's goi-," I hung up before he could finish. I drove to a nearby parking garage, parked my car, then started to morph. **_**Peregrine Falcon**_** I thought and felt the changes begin. Even now, after almost twenty years of morphing, it's still unpredictable. This time, I shrunk and became a two foot tall Jake. Then I grew wings, feathers, talons, and my body curved.**

Raven: You know, for someone who's actually trying to emulate the books, you're doing a very poor job of the descriptions. Either go into detail or don't bother at all. Don't half-ass it.

**I took off and flew at top speeds to Cassie's barn.**

**Chapter Ten**

**When I got to the barn, the others were already there. I lived the farthest away from the barn so it took me longer. As I demorphed I was met with questions. Finally Marco took charge. "All right Jake, what's going on?"**

**"The kids," I began but was interrupted.**

**"-are going to die!" Drode finished for me.**

Subarashii: Well, that's a hell of a greeting. "Hello, your kids are going to die!" The Drode must be pretty damn popular.

**I shot him a look but it was probably wasted on him anyway.**

**"What are you talking about Drode?" Rachel growled.**

**"Ah, Rachel, it's so good to have you back. I suppose I have Jake to thank for that," he looked at me and asked: "They don't know?"**

**I shook my head, "They didn't need to."**

**"Well then," he said, rubbing his…hands together "Lets refresh everyone's memory shall we?" He snapped his fingers and I saw the others' eyes widen as they realized what I had done.**

Subarashii: Busted! Well, it should be very entertaining to find out what the others think of Jake screwing with time and space just to get what _he_ wants-

**"Jake," Rachel whispered. I looked away; I couldn't the look in her eyes. "Jake look at me." She commanded. I did, and I saw tears in both her and Cassie's eyes. "Jake, you saved me and in turn Tobias. You saved the universe from The One. Thank you."**

**"You're not mad?" I asked them all in disbelief.**

**"Jake I'm mad cause I had to give my mansion. I'm not mad at you," Marco said with a wink. The others just shook their heads.**

Subarashii: …*head hits tray* What The Hell, Heroes…?

*TVTropes references: 35*

**"How sweet." The Drode said. "Back to business. Those 17,000 Yeerks that big Jake flushed into space are back and they want to conquer Earth with the help of my master, Crayak.**

Crona: Is anyone going to explain just how they survived the depths of space…?

Raven: Crayak did it. That's explanation enough, apparently.

**The Ellimist has chosen those five kids, plus Ax's son as the new Animorphs. You all can not aid them in any fights or decisions. All you can do is provide information and experience to help them. Cheerio!" Then it-he-vanished.**

**"So what do we do now?" Marco asked.**

**"I say we tell them right away and get them practiced in combat," that was Rachel of course.**

Subarashii: No! Wait! Come back, character development! I promise we'll be good!

**I sighed. "Let's all just go home and think about it. Tomorrow's Saturday, so we can gather everyone if necessary. But I think tomorrow, we give them the power," I said regretfully. Everyone nodded and left. Soon it was just Cassie and me. "I'm sorry," I told her.**

**"Why?" She looked puzzled.**

**"You never wanted to be a part of the first war, now I've dragged you and Rebecca back into it," I said**

**"Jake, I fought the war because I believed in freedom and in helping others. Rebecca is the same way. She won't like it, but she'll do it," Cassie said.**

Raven: "She is a shameless rip-off of me, after all."

**She sounded so sure that I was jealous.**

Crona: …I'm not sure how to take that…

Raven: Let's just assume the worst and go with him still having feelings for Cassie.

**Chapter Eleven**

**We met back in the barn early the next morning to take the final vote. "All right," I said. "Those in favor of giving the kids the cube?" Slowly we looked at one another and raised our hands.**

Subarashii: You all suck as parents.

**"Okay, go home, relax. Bring your kid here in two hours. I'll have Nico call that Anthony kid and I'll pick him up. Cassie, do you still have the box?" I asked her.**

**"Yeah, its right where I left it," she answered.**

**"Good. Tobias? Can you call Ax and see how fast he and Elfangor can get here?"**

**He gave me a small smile. "Already have, they'll be here tomorrow."**

**"Okay good. See you guys in a while then," With that, the Animorphs left.**

**As I was driving home, I called Nico and told him to call Anthony and have him meet at our house. Ten minutes later, I pulled into the drive and took a couple calming breaths. Then I walked in the door and found them sitting on the ground playing some video game. Admittedly, games and TV had gotten a lot better after the war. Everything was holographic and virtual 3D and stuff like that. If I was a kid growing up in this time, it would be pretty cool.**

Raven: Oh, well, can't have realism with the timeskip or anything. May as well make the jump to virtual reality despite people trying to accomplish that for decades. Because this is the future and all.

Subarashii: Where's a DeLorean when you need one?

**"Hey, you guys want to go for a little walk?" I asked them.**

**"Sure," Nico replied. We drove to a little before the old Wildlife Clinic then I got out and led them into the woods. We had ten minutes to spare so we went for a quick walk before I led them back to the barn. Marco and Emily were sitting on hay barrels, trading jokes. Cassie and Rebecca were looking at a crow that apparently had a broken wing. Rachel was fussing over Tom's hair while Tobias was looking at the crow with disdain. Old habits die hard I guess.**

Subarashii: And are apparently hereditary.

Crona: …I really hope that's not true…

Raven: Likewise…

**"Um… can the kids sit against that wall?" I asked. You would think that I would have prepared a speech or something, right? Nope I was making it up as I went. Here goes nothing. "My name is Jake…"**

**To be continued in:**

**Animorphs Next Gen-1. The New**

Crona: …oh no…

All: SEQUEL HOOK!

/

The lights slowly came back on as the three reacted to the fic in their own ways. Crona leaned back in his chair, thankful they were finished. Raven massaged her temples in an attempt to calm down. Subarashii simply glared at the screen, teeth grit.

"Well, he certainly wasn't kidding about the blatant changes to canon." Subarashii quipped.

Raven sighed. "Honestly, why can't people just leave stories alone instead of changing things around to satisfy _them_? Like we said earlier, the whole message behind Animorphs was of the horrors of war, how it affects people on a deep, psychological level, and how it changes them forever. That's why Jake didn't get together with Cassie, that's why Rachel slowly went violently insane, that's why Marco became much more dangerous, and so on!"

Subarashii frowned. "In other words, war sucks ass, and you can't just throw magic pixie dust on it and expect it to all get better."

Subarashii then looked over at Crona, who was still lying back in his chair, eyes closed.

"…Crona? You alright, man?"

Crona's eyes opened and he sat back up. "Um, y-yeah. S-Sorry…" he answered, rubbing his eyes while doing so.

Raven sighed, getting to her feet. "That's it." she declared before grabbing Crona's arm and pulling him to his feet.

"R-Raven? What are you-"

Raven turned Crona so he was facing her, then placed her hands on his shoulders.

"Crona, you are going to go home, you are going to go to bed, and you are going to _sleep_. I'm looking at you right now and you have giant bags under your eyes, and you're practically on the verge of falling over. You need to get some rest."

Crona blinked, surprised at Raven's commanding presence. "B-But…what if…"

He didn't get to finish his thought, as Raven turned him around and started pushing him towards the stairs. "If Maka wants to do something, you are going to tell her that you're tired. I'm sure she will-no, I _know_ she will understand. I don't care what you have to do, you are going to sleep. End of discussion."

Crona looked back at Raven as he reached the stairs. "B-But-"

"Go. _Now_."

Crona blinked, then gulped. "Y-Yes ma'am…"

He marched up the steps, giving a small wave to the two of them before heading out the twin doors at the top.

Subarashii chuckled slightly as he got to his feet. "Well, well…look at you, being all "responsible big sister". It suits you, actually."

Raven sighed. "Must you always look into things so much? What's wrong with wanting to make sure he's healthy?"

"Nothing, nothing…" he replied, a small smile coming over his face. "But, still…you looking out for him like that…it's cute."

Raven blushed slightly, looking away from the captain. "Sh-Shut up…"

Subarashii gave another small chuckle, then held out his hand. "Hey."

Raven looked at him, raising an eyebrow when seeing his hand. "What?"

"Are we alright?"

Raven looked up at him, then gave a small sigh. "Well, you did technically answer my question…"

She then took his hand and shook it. "So, yes, apology accepted."

Subarashii nodded, then let go of Raven's hand, stretching while walking past her and up the stairs. "Alright then. I'll see you next time around."

"Right, see you later."

Subarashii ascended the stairs, but stopped in front of the twin doors. He turned and looked back at Raven.

"Hey."

Raven looked up, slightly confused.

"…if and when it happens…" he began, before giving a slight tip of his hat. "You'll do fine. I'm sure of it."

Raven blinked in surprise as Subarashii turned and left the theater. She stared at the doors, thinking once again about the possibility of her and one of her friends experiencing a mind-shattering event, the likes of which no one outside of those who had already dealt with it could comprehend. She turned and leaned her back against the wall near the stairs, looking down and placing a hand over her face.

_God, I hope he's right…_

/

Phew! That took longer than it should have.

As always, I'm looking for suggestions and questions, but I really, really need recommendations from you guys. I especially need a Teen Titans badfic for the next chapter. Yep, I've hinted at it long enough, it's Raven's turn along with whichever poor soul is coming with her. So, really guys, I need your help.

Also, a happy birthday to one of my frequent reviewers, The Magic Popsicle! Thanks for all the delightfully quirky questions and badfic suggestions, they're always appreciated. Hope you enjoy your *insert number here*-th birthday!

See you next time!


	16. Story 10: You Know Who To Call

Alright then, I've put this off long enough. It's time to get to it. Another one of the characters is going to endure torture incomprehensible. And you guys get to watch her.

It's a wonder I haven't been condemned to Hell for this.

Before I get going, I need to give you guys the same rule I gave in the Soul Eater spinoff:

From now on, no questions that you give me containing explicit sexual content will be used. There weren't so many bad ones on here than on the spinoff, but still…really, Darin? Really?

Today's fic comes recommended by zorua, and as always, if you agree or disagree, you know who to thank or who to blame. I do so love shoving the responsibility onto someone else.

Let's get dangerous!

/

It sort of went without saying, but Crona was a bit of an expert on the subject of fear.

Fear drove most of his actions, and he was aware of that. It was his fear of people in general that made him the shy, withdrawn person he was, yet his fear of being abandoned by Maka was what made him stick so close to her. His fear of getting hurt was what pushed him into almost becoming a Kishin more than once, but his fear of Maka getting hurt is what pushes him into showing what courage he has.

Crona understood better than most what fear could do. People would expect fear to lead to anger, and that to hate, etcetera etcetera. But no, in Crona's case, fear led to madness and insanity. Not because it was an unnatural emotion, but because it was so easy to let fear rule one's entire being. Crona knew that all too well. And no matter how much he tried to change that, for his sake as well as his friends', he knew that the fear would never go away, that it would always linger in his mind.

He just wished it wouldn't keep coming back with such strength.

He immediately got on edge when he first entered the theater that day. He had long since stopped being the first to arrive, his interactions with Maka being as frequent as they were usually preventing him from arriving early. Yet he knew that there was still something of a pattern to their arrivals.

Which is why he was so worried when he saw that Subarashii was the only other person there. And instead of sitting in his seat, he was leaning against the wall at the bottom of the stairs, arms crossed, anxiously waiting for someone.

Crona cautiously walked down the stairs, almost expecting something terrible to happen if he moved too quickly or if he scared or surprised Subarashii. Once he got to the bottom, Subarashii whipped his head up at him so fast that Crona jumped a bit. He could see that he was also on edge, his face incredibly tense. But once he saw that it was Crona, he relaxed, giving him a small smile and nodding.

"Hey."

"H-Hi…"

Subarashii tilted his head. "You're looking better."

"Huh?"

"Than you have been, I mean. You don't look like you're about to fall over or anything."

"O-Oh…yeah…I've been getting better…a bit."

Crona looked around the theater, almost hoping that he didn't have to ask what was on his mind.

"…where's Raven?"

Subarashii sighed and pointed at the front row of seats. Crona slowly turned to look, knowing he wasn't going to like what he saw.

Raven's usual seat was empty, and the seat beside it bore an all-too-familiar sign: "reserved for special guest".

"…it's her turn, isn't it…?" Crona muttered.

Subarashii let out another sigh. "Yeah…it looks like it is."

"What do we do?"

Subarashii got up and walked over to his seat. "At the moment, nothing. All we can do is wait."

He sat down, Crona soon following suit and sitting in his own seat. And so, the two played the waiting game.

It was at this point that Crona realized he and Subarashii hadn't had much time to talk alone. Usually, he only spoke with him while Raven was there, and most of it was during the review. He wasn't entirely sure if this meant he wasn't as close with the pirate captain as he was with Raven, but their lack of conversation puzzled Crona a little.

"So."

Crona looked up, surprised that Subarashii had started the conversation before he could even think of a topic.

"How have things been going with you and Maka?"

Crona flushed, giving a small, frustrated sigh. _Of course that'd be the first thing he asks…_

"Why are you so curious…?" Crona replied. "Why does it matter to you so much, anyway…?"

Subarashii raised an eyebrow. "…dude, I was asking about the spinoff show."

"…oh."

Subarashii then grinned, shrugging his shoulders. "But hey, if you want to tell me about your relationship troubles, by all means, go for it."

Crona's face got redder, and he was trying very hard to not lose his steadily-growing temper.

"C-Can you stop that? Please…just stop it." he warily asked.

Subarashii frowned. "Why?"

"Because it isn't going to happen. …me and her…it just won't happen."

Even though he wasn't looking up, Crona could tell that Subarashii was staring at him. He hoped that would be the end of it. Looking back, he realized he should've known better.

"…why?"

Crona sputtered slightly. "B-Because it just won't! I'm…she's…"

Crona sighed, taking a moment to form his thoughts, rubbing his forehead while doing so.

"…I hate to say it, because we both know it's clichéd, and because of her Grigori soul…but…she is an angel. She is the kindest, sweetest, most wonderful person I know. She has forgiven me for so much…for every mistake I ever make, and you know I make a lot of them…she just smiles and tells me that it's OK. I owe her everything, Subarashii. I owe her my life, my sanity, my…relative peace of mind…if it wasn't for her, I'd be nothing. I'm lucky to even know someone like her, much less be her friend…"

Crona sighed, leaning forward, hands clenched in his lap.

"And look at me. I'm a weak-willed, cowardly wimp who's only survived everything that's happened to me because I have another person living inside of me who can make me virtually invincible…I have killed so many people over my entire life that I should've been put to death a hundred times over…the only reason I even exist right now…relatively speaking…is because of her."

A bitter smile came over Crona's face. "It's the truth. I'm just not-"

"Crona, if you finish that thought process, I'm going to have to smack you."

Crona looked back up in surprise to see Subarashii glaring at him. He gave a sigh, readjusting his hat.

"Let me guess. You're not good enough for her, is that it? She's an absolute perfect being and you're the scum of the earth, right?"

Subarashii shook his head. "God, you are just so lucky that you're _you_, you know that, Crona?"

Crona tilted his head in confusion. "I don't-"

"Because I know you didn't hear that speech before. But I have. Countless men, some of them much worse than you by far, have given that exact same speech and every one of them have been wrong."

Subarashii looked at Crona with a determined glint in his eye, almost like Crona had to believe what he had to say.

"I hate to burst your bubble, kid, but Maka is not a perfect being. And neither are you. Neither am I, neither is Raven…not even our esteemed host is by any means "perfect". Perfection in general is nothing but a flat out lie. At least, with people it is."

Crona flustered slightly. "I-I know she isn't-"

"But you pretty much just said that she was. You flat out called her an angel, Crona. And not just as a cutesy nickname or anything. She makes mistakes, just like you do. She has problems she needs to solve, just like you do. You two aren't as different as you like to think you are."

Subarashii sighed, rubbing his eyes. "Look, I am by no means an expert on romance. In fact, I'll be the first to say that most of my experiences on the subject flat out sucked. But I have learned one piece of advice that I can guarantee is invaluable. It's something that everyone simply needs to understand, especially someone like you."

He gently placed a hand on Crona's shoulder, leaning forward so as to look at Crona in the eye.

"You cannot expect anyone to love you if you cannot love yourself."

Crona blinked. "L-Love myself…?"

"Love isn't just about tossing around pretty things or saying the right words. It's about acceptance. It's about loving and admiring the good qualities of a person while accepting the bad ones. So how can anyone do that to you if you can't do the same for yourself? How can a person look at you and say "this is who they are, and that's all there is to it", if you can't even accept that fact yourself?"

Subarashii moved his hand away, leaning back in his chair. "Maybe Maka loves you the way you want her to, and maybe she doesn't. But I think it's safe to say that she _does_ love you."

Crona flushed, looking up at Subarashii. "W-What makes you say that…?"

Subarashii gave a small smile. "You said it yourself. She forgave you for all of your mistakes, over and over again. That's acceptance. She understands that what you do wrong is just an example of who you are as a person, and that you're trying to deal with that. That sounds like some kind of love to me."

Crona looked back down at the floor, his face still red at simply the idea that Maka could love him. Granted, from the way Subarashii put it, it could easily be platonic, but he could live with that. Just being near Maka made him happy, and even if they couldn't really, truly be together, Crona could deal with that, so long as they were together in some way.

And yet…some part of Crona wanted to at least try. Maybe it was Subarashii's talk about loving yourself, maybe it was Raven's earlier advice about people who give up on relationships…maybe it was both. But that small part of Crona's mind was telling him that he simply didn't know what the case was, and wouldn't know if he did nothing.

"…thank you…Subarashii…"

Subarashii grinned, giving Crona a small nudge with his elbow. "Hey, you want to properly thank me, make sure you name your firstborn after me."

Crona gave an incredibly loud sputter, turning to Subarashii, revealing his beet red face. "F-F-F-F-_Firstborn_?"

"Hey, hey, chill! It was just a joke!" Subarashii replied, hands held up. "Just trying to lighten the mood!"

Crona gave a slight groan, rubbing his forehead. He understood that Subarashii meant well, but he really wished he'd focus on some other subject.

The conversation became relatively mundane after that. They both talked about various, random things, trying to avoid the upcoming event as best as they could. Subarashii eagerly regaled Crona with a tale about how he took on an elite space navy crew all by himself. Crona had some issues with believing the story, but he enjoyed listening to it all the same.

At the ten minute mark, Subarashii took out his gold pocket watch, frowning as he checked the time.

"M-Maybe she's not coming…" Crona suggested.

Subarashii sighed, closing the watch with a snap. "Can't say I blame her if she isn't…"

"…isn't there something we can do?"

"Like what?"

Crona looked down, wringing his hands nervously in his lap. Subarashii put his watch away, then closed his hand into a fist and placed it on his forehead.

"There's got to be an easier way to go about this…"

Crona looked up at him. "What?"

"This. The whole revelation…thing. Why force it in all at once? Why snap someone's mind with something like that while also force-feeding them information on themselves?"

"…what other alternative is there…?"

"…I really wish I knew."

Suddenly, the doors at the back swung open, and they could hear sounds of talking entering the room. They both got to their feet and spun around, anxious to see if she was alright.

Raven was marching down the stairs, head lowered, her hood hiding her face and her cloak wrapped around her. She didn't meet either of their eyes as she walked past them and stood in front of the table.

Before Crona or Subarashii could ask anything of her, they noticed the one that arrived with her. He was a couple of years younger than her, putting him closer to Crona's age. His purple-and-black skintight outfit was bizarre enough, but what was truly unique about him was his green skin and hair. Not to mention somewhat sharp teeth and pointed ears.

The boy looked between the two of them, fists on his hips.

"Who the heck are you guys?"

Subarashii raised an eyebrow, then turned to look at Raven. "Hey Raven! You never told me you knew a Fortenissen!"

The boy stumbled slightly. "Wha-dude! I'm not an alien! I wasn't born like this, you know!"

Subarashii looked back at him. "But the resemblance is uncanny…"

Before the boy could respond, Raven marched back over and pushed an envelope into his hands.

"It's for you. Hurry up and read it."

She immediately turned and walked back to the table, leaving the boy frowning as he opened the letter.

"Just what is her problem, anyway?"

Neither Crona nor Subarashii gave any answer.

_Please introduce yourself to the others and the people at home._

The boy blinked. "Wait, people at home?"

He then looked around frantically, a realization coming over him. "Dude, am I on TV?"

Subarashii sighed. "Apparently."

"YES!" the boy cheered, before pointing at Raven. "I told you I was made for TV, Raven! I so freaking told you!"

Raven made no movement to respond to him. The boy's expression changed to a frustrated glare.

"What is _with_ you today, Raven? You haven't made any snarky comments towards anything I've said all day! I'm setting you up for these jokes and you're just letting them go!"

Subarashii gently pushed the boy over to the table. "It'll make sense in a minute, kid. The camera's behind the screen, so talk to that."

The boy looked at Subarashii for a moment, before giving Raven another glare and facing the screen. His expression quickly changed into an excited grin.

"Hey yo, dudes and dudettes! It's the one and only Beast Boy, founding member and, in all honesty, best-looking member of the legendary Teen Titans! I will happily sign autographs after the show in front of Titans Tower, so don't be shy!"

Beast Boy turned to Subarashii. "How'd I do?"

Subarashii stared at Beast Boy for a moment, before a grin came over his face. "Oh boy, kid…you have no idea what floodgates you've opened…"

Beast Boy tilted his head in confusion. While that was going on, Crona wandered over to where Raven was, who he noticed was starting to shake.

"Raven…?"

He saw that she was holding the other letter, one of her hands hovering over it, about to rip it open. Said hand was shaking, and though he couldn't see her face, Crona could tell that Raven was thinking feverishly about what to do.

Just as abruptly, however, Raven turned and pushed the letter into Crona's hands.

"Wha-"

"I'm sorry…" Raven whispered, her voice wavering. "I…I can't do it. I just can't…I just can't do this…please…"

Before Crona could respond, he saw Subarashii reach over and snatch the letter out of his hands. He quickly ripped the envelope open and started reading.

_As I'm sure you're well aware, the time has come for_-

"Stop."

Subarashii blinked, turning to see Raven facing his direction, though her face was still obscured.

"Please…just do it…"

Subarashii frowned. "Raven…"

"I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear his excuses, I don't want to hear his reasoning, just turn the damn thing over _and get this over with_!"

Crona winced as he watched Raven's shaking get worse. He could practically feel the stress and fear coming off of her. He looked up in surprise as Beast Boy moved forward and grabbed Raven's shoulders.

"Raven, what the hell is going on? I've never seen you like this! You're acting like we're going to die or something! Why are you so scared?"

Beast Boy looked up as Subarashii put a hand on his shoulder. He looked between the two of them, clearly nervous and already regretting what was about to happen.

"…it'll be OK, guys…it's just like ripping off a bandaid. It'll only take a few seconds…"

_Yeah, ripping off a bandaid. A bandaid that'll take off their entire arm when it's gone. Fuck, you're an idiot, Subarashii…_ he bitterly thought to himself.

He took a deep breath, then turned the letter over.

_The story is called Death Girl by Emoangel126. It crosses over with Death Note._

_The fandom is Teen Titans._

Raven thought she was ready for it.

She was wrong.

Beast Boy dropping down and screaming his head off didn't make matters easier for her. As she dropped to her knees, with Crona kneeling beside her, she focused all of her efforts on trying to not scream. If she started, she wouldn't be able to stop, and all Hell would break loose.

While Subarashii tried his best to calm Beast Boy down, Crona was tending to Raven. He knew what was coming, and he shut his eyes in order to better see it. If he could see what his friend had been through, maybe he could better help her.

He immediately wished that he couldn't see anything.

He learned of Raven's birth to the sorceress Arella and the demon known as Trigon. He saw Raven grow up under the tutelage of the mages of Azarath, always aware that one day, she would be used as a portal to summon her father to conquer a new world. He saw her leave her home and head for Earth, where she meet the group that would be known as the Teen Titans. He watched her struggle to be accepted by them, and by many others as well. He watched in horror as the prophecy eventually came true, and she unleashed Trigon on the world. And he saw her struggle to send him back from whence he came, her friends behind her all the way.

He learned of Beast Boy, the youngest of the group who, through a freak accident, gained the ability to change into any animal he could think of. He learned of Cyborg, an ordinary man turned into a half-machine in order to save his life. He learned of Starfire, the Tamaranian princess and future queen of the planet. And he learned of their fearless leader, the boy trained by one of the greatest heroes who ever lived, the wonder known as Robin.

He learned of their mortal enemy, Slade. He saw Brother Blood's rise and fall. He saw the Brotherhood of Evil's eventual downfall. He learned of every hero that had been added to the Titans, and every member of their extensive rogue's gallery.

Most of all, he finally understood why Raven had to control herself. Why she had to be so reserved, so stoic. He realized why she had to be the way she was, and he couldn't even begin to comprehend how anyone could do that, much less her.

Which was why he was so shocked when she let out what was unmistakably a very bitter laugh.

"R…Raven…?"

Raven's upper body raised up slightly, her hood falling off, revealing to Crona a very anguished face.

"We're…we're an _adaptation_. We're not even the real story…"

Crona stared at Raven in shock as she tugged at her own hair.

"This isn't what my hair is supposed to look like…" Her hands moved to her face. "I'm not supposed to be this pale…I look like I'm gray, for God's sake!..." They moved to her cloak. "This isn't my real outfit…"

She wrapped her arms around herself, shaking with either sorrow or anger, possibly both.

"We're not the original Titans…we're a toned down version so the overcensored kids of America can choke us down…they can't even comprehend what really happened to me…they can't comprehend what we've been through because they didn't tell the true story, because they think that kids can't handle honesty, so they hacked our experiences to pieces and fed the scraps to their kids, leaving us a weak joke version of-"

She gave a slight "umph" as she felt Crona suddenly turn her to face him and wrap his arms around her. She looked ahead, not responding to the gesture just yet.

"It doesn't matter." Crona said into her ear. "It doesn't matter if you're an adaptation or the real thing…you're you. You're Raven. Just because you're not the original doesn't mean you're not important…because you are…and…"

Raven blinked when she heard what was undoubtedly a sniffle. "It doesn't mean…what happened to you…isn't important…it's still not fair…it shouldn't have happened…"

_No no NO. You have to stop right now! _Crona ordered himself. _You can't cry now! You have to hold it! Stop being so weak and focus!_

He hated himself for not being able to follow his own orders. No matter how hard he tried to stop them, the tears came.

Without even intending to do so, Raven's arms wrapped around Crona and pulled him close. And, with him constantly whispering how sorry he was, Raven tried to not start crying as well. For she realized that this wasn't like the other times, that this time, Crona was crying for _her_. He felt sorry for her, for what she had been through, like she had for him.

She wished she knew how to react to that.

After a few moments, Crona slowly pulled away from Raven, reaching up and wiping away his tears.

"I'm sorry…"

Raven shook her head. "It's OK…and…thank you, Crona."

Crona gave a small nod in reply, still ashamed of his small outburst.

The two of them then heard a small squeak. They both looked beside them to see what looked like a green mouse. Said mouse then quickly changed into Beast Boy (which gave Crona a bit of a surprise), and Raven gasped slightly when she saw that he had been crying as well.

She then endured another shock as Beast Boy leaned forward and hugged her as well.

"Beast Boy…"

"Oh God, Raven…" he muttered. "I knew…I knew it was bad, but…God…"

It was then that more information swelled in Raven's mind. And then she really understood why Beast Boy was upset. Not only did she see what Beast Boy had been through, but she saw it through his perspective. Terra's betrayal, her subsequent believed death and now self-imposed exile, seemed so different and much more painful now that she could see it through his eyes.

The final shock came when she learned just why Beast Boy wouldn't talk about his parents.

And as she returned the hug, she had to try even harder this time to not burst into tears.

It took a little longer this time, but soon enough, the two of them pulled apart. Raven watched Beast Boy rub his eyes, giving the usual "something in my eye" excuse. She looked beside her to see Crona and Subarashii both sitting there, Subarashii having moved over during the hug.

"So…" he asked. "Will you two be OK…?"

Raven sighed as she ran a hand through her hair. "Well…that depends. What's the expected recovery time for sheer perspective-shattered mind destruction?"

Subarashii grinned slightly. _Well, at least she's back to being Ms. Sarcastic._

Beast Boy shuddered. "God…did…is this what you guys had to go through?"

Crona raised his hand. "I did…learning the name of your creator is not something I want to repeat…"

"Geez, I just realized I have, like, five or six different names to think about…"

He then shook his head, reaching up and slapping his own cheeks in an attempt to focus.

"But enough about that! I can worry about that stuff later! The show's gotta go on, after all! The people don't want to see me whine like a kid, they want to see me perform!"

Raven blinked in surprise. "…wow, you're really enthusiastic about this showbiz thing, aren't you?"

Beast Boy grinned. "Hey, I was serious about that TV thing."

She smiled. "Yes, now I can see why…"

The two simply smiled at one another for a few seconds, before Raven turned to look at Crona. She reached over and gently placed a hand under his chin, turning his head up to look at her.

"And hey, no more tears out of you, OK?"

Crona flushed. "Eh?"

"You don't need to cry over me, Crona. I've dealt with my past. I can deal with this. I'll…I'll be OK. Really."

She gave him a small, reassuring smile. It took a few seconds, but Crona soon returned it. Beast Boy then leaned forward as Raven removed her hand.

"And that goes for me too, OK? You don't need to worry about me either!"

Crona blinked. "Eh?"

"OK, yeah, I've had it pretty rough. Life dealt me a bit of a bad hand. But whatever, I can deal with it! And yeah, this hasn't exactly been the greatest experience of my life, but I can handle it! I'm a superhero! I'm a Titan! I've fought demon gods and came out on top! This is no biggie!"

He grinned. "Besides, I hate it when cute girls cry."

Crona's jaw dropped wide open and Subarashii's hand met his face. _Well, that's definitely the textbook definition of a "mood killer"…_ Subarashii thought.

Beast Boy looked between the two in confusion. "What? What'd I say-OW!"

He was pulled back by Raven, who had a painful grip on his ear. "Owowowow! Rae, not the ear! You know that's sensitive-"

"Garfield…Crona is a _boy_."

"Hey! What have I said about calling me-…what was that?"

"Him. He. Boy."

Beast Boy stared at Raven in silence as she let go of his ear. After a few seconds, he spoke.

"…so…that means…"

"Yep."

Beast Boy was on his feet, hands on the sides of his head.

"Oh God, _I just hit on a guy_! _ON TV_! Everyone could see that! I'll never be able to live this down!"

Subarashii grumbled as he got to his feet. "Hey, you think you got it bad? Look at him."

He pointed at the other side of the row, Beast Boy's eyes following. Sure enough, there was Crona, sitting in the corner of the room, face hidden from the others.

Subarashii sighed. "Now it's gonna take me forever to get him out of there…thanks a lot…"

With that, he walked over to Crona, while Raven got to her feet.

"Come on, I've got a lot of explaining to do."

Beast Boy got up as well, following Raven as she sat down in her normal seat. He took the "reserved" seat beside her, tilting his head at the pile of letters now on Raven's lap.

"OK…basically, you're here to help us review a bad attempt at fiction."

Beast Boy blinked. "Wait, we're basically just sitting here, reading stuff?"

"Yes, I know it'll be a struggle for you-"

"_Hey_!"

Raven sighed. "No, I'm serious, Beast Boy. These are by no means pleasant experiences. They can range from stupid, to frustrating, to infuriating, to incredibly traumatizing."

"…how would this be traumatizing?"

"The last guest star we had was from the fandom we were reviewing, and she had to go through what you just went through. The fic itself only made things that much worse."

"Who was it?"

Raven pointed in Crona's direction. "His best friend."

"…no way…"

Raven sighed. "Now do you see why I had such a problem with you coming here?"

"Well…yeah, now it-"

Beast Boy blinked, something suddenly becoming clear to him.

"…Raven…I'm your best friend?"

Raven flushed. "W-What?"

"Well, if they brought _his_ best friend here, then the fact that _I'm_ here must mean I'm your best friend! It only makes sense! Right?"

Raven looked away from Beast Boy. "I-I'm not answering that question…"

"Oh, come on!" Beast Boy whined as he leaned closer to Raven. "Admit it! I'm totally your bestest friend! I mean, yeah, Starfire's your best _girl_ friend, but I'm your bestest best pal of all, riiiiiight?"

Raven sighed as she gently pushed Beast Boy's face away. "OK, we need to rename you "The Moment Killer". You're practically an expert at it now."

Beast Boy grinned as he sat back in his seat. "It's OK, Rae. I know you loooooove me."

Raven rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, whatever you say."

"I dunno, Raven!" Subarashii called over. "I think the fact that he can call you Rae without you getting pissed off is sufficient evidence of the proposed!"

"Oh, _shut up_."

Beast Boy looked over at Subarashii. "Hey, what'd he mean earlier about "opening the floodgates"?"

Raven sighed. "Knowing him, he was probably talking about fangirls."

They both heard a cry of fear come from Crona, followed by Subarashii's "I knew it! They got to you, didn't they?"

"_Anyway_." Raven said. "Since you're here, we're obviously going to review something involving us. And, if my guess is correct, it'll be the worst possible one our esteemed host can find."

"What makes you so sure of that?"

"The last one involved Crona's best friend getting _raped_, just so she could run into his arms."

Beast Boy's horrified expression perfectly captured Raven's thoughts on the matter.

"…someone actually _wrote_ that?" he choked out.

"Yep."

"…wait…if I'm here…and you're here-"

"Stop." Raven interjected, holding her hand up. "If we just try not to think about that possibility, maybe it won't happen."

"Y-Yeah…"

It was then that both Subarashii and Crona came over. Crona appeared to still be a little upset by what had happened, which was why Beast Boy got to his feet.

"Hey…" he sheepishly offered. "Sorry about that, man…I had no idea…"

"I-It's fine…" Crona replied. "It happens more than you think…"

Beast Boy frowned at that, then stuck out his hand.

"Let's start over. I'm Beast Boy."

Crona blinked, then cautiously reached and took his hand, shaking it.

"C-Crona…Crona Makenshi."

Beast Boy smiled in reply. Said smile quickly vanished once he let go of Crona's hand, as a familiar _splortch_ echoed from Crona's back, Ragnarok rising up and laying on his head, already laughing.

"Oh God…you couple of dumbasses…this is so fucking rich…" he said between laughs.

Beast Boy stared at Ragnarok. "What in the hell…?"

Crona sighed, pointing up at him. "Sorry…this is my partner, Ragnarok…"

Beast Boy blinked. "Wait, "partner"?"

"Eh?"

"No, nothing! I mean…it's totally cool if you're like that, dude-ACK!"

He was cut off by Ragnarok suddenly reaching forward and grabbing his collar.

"_I'm not that kind of partner, you fucking idiot_!"

"AGH! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

Crona carefully pried Ragnarok off of him, the two of them starting to argue as Crona walked over to his seat. Beast Boy readjusted his collar before looking at Subarashii.

"And what about…you?"

He noticed that Subarashii was now standing on a nearby seat, pointing skyward.

_Oh, not again…_ Raven thought as a hand met her face.

"The stormy skies…the raging seas…the stars burning bright throughout all of space…they all tremble before me! Make note of this day! For you stand before the greatest space pirate in all of the universe!"

His finger curled back to his hand, only for his thumb to stick out, which he jabbed at himself.

"I am…Captain Subarashii!"

He pulled out his gun and sword, twirling them around in his typically dramatic fashion (Raven wondered if that was absolutely necessary), before crossing and pointing them at Beast Boy.

"Yoho! Intergalactic bitches better re-cog-nize!"

Raven frowned as silence filled the room. She was fully prepared with a snarky comment about to be thrown in Subarashii's direction…

…only to stop when she saw the starstruck look in Beast Boy's eyes.

…_oh NO._

"That was _awesome_!" Beast Boy cried.

"HAH! See? At least _someone_ around here appreciates my greatness!" Subarashii crowed as he got off of the seat.

"Dude, are you really a space pirate?"

"The Greatest in the Universe™!"

"That's so coooool!"

Raven groaned as Subarashii launched into a story involving three-headed lizard-men. _Just wonderful…_

Crona held up one of his fanmail letters. "Should I just-"

"Please do."

Crona nodded and opened the letter.

_cross over wise who which of your friends and excalibur would you expect to see the most by themselves in a story?_

"…I'm sorry, I don't think I understand the question…"

_if you were to write a fanfic what fandom and what would the title be?_

"Oh no. That definitely won't happen. I'm not getting involved in that at all…"

_ever heard of ware house 13?_

"…should I have?"

_have you ever gotten a sunburn?_

Crona sighed, placing the letter aside. He then reached up and unbuttoned his collar, pushing the flaps aside. Raven leaned over and saw a pink mark reaching around the back of his neck.

"Well, that doesn't look _too_ bad…"

Crona nodded as he rebuttoned the collar. "Yeah…just wish it wasn't so easy for me to get burnt…"

Raven shrugged as he opened his next letter. "It's just a fact of life, Crona. Pale people don't tan, we burn."

_Guessing your favourite manga chapter was 87 then?_

Crona sighed. "No…that was more traumatizing than anything else…"

Raven raised an eyebrow. "What _is_ your favourite, anyway?"

Crona flushed slightly. He looked up at the screen, then back at Raven. He waved for her to move closer. Raven leaned over, and Crona whispered something in her ear. After a few seconds, Raven smiled, getting back in her seat.

"Should've guessed."

Crona smiled shyly and looked back at the letter.

_How does it feel knowing that nearly half of the pairing with you in them (KidxCrona) are based off a few comforting lines of dialogue at a party and a fight scene? Must be horrifying to know that a few words with someone could set off the fans._

"Horrifying doesn't begin to describe it…"

"Well, that is the downside to having such a large fanbase."

"Yeah, I guess so-WAH!"

Crona looked up to see Subarashii grinning at him, in his usual seat.

"W-When did you-"

"Somewhere around the last question. Incidentally, Raven, BB's about to crawl onto your head."

A green spider leapt off of Raven's shoulder, changing back to normal and sitting beside her. "Dude! What'd you do that for?"

"Because you could've got squashed?"

"…good point."

Crona sighed, opening his next letter.

_Oh Crona... I find myself constantly worrying what is to become of you. But I'm sure you can take on the Spartoi with ease. Although Black Star might be a problem..._

_Chapter 88 was so sorrowful._

Crona shuddered. "Please…please don't remind me…"

_Do you ever try flying like you did when you were escaping from Kid?_

Ragnarok growled. "No, I'm pretty sure we established that _I can't fucking do that anymore_!"

_(Who is also your fuck buddy, no matter how much you object to the idea.)_

"_S-Stop that_!"

_... Is this gonna make things awkward for you when you're around Kid? I sure hope not._

"Are _you_ going to make things awkward? …if he ever finds out about this, yes! Yes you will!"

_I was thinking back on that jellybean you ate. Imagining you slowly bringing it to your mouth. Gently bringing it past your lips and feeling the texture on your curious tongue. And as you hesitantly chew on the lime colored gummy candy, a drip of saliva leaks out of the corner of your mouth and slides down your chin, dropping to the floor._

_... Now doesn't that just sound sexy?_

_Definitely going in my nect fan fiction._

_I love you Crona. To unhealthy extremes..._

Stunned silence filled the room as five faces stared at the letter. After a few seconds, said silence was soon broken by Crona shrieking one word.

"_FANGIRL_!"

"Kill it! Kill it!, _For the love of Azar, KILL IT NOW_!" Raven cried.

Subarashii ripped the letter out of Crona's hand and threw it to the ground. He quickly drew his pistol and started firing at the letter, each shot piercing the paper and burning the floor underneath it. After about six shots, followed by Subarashii's furious stomping, the paper was nothing but a pile of ashes, which were soon blown away by Subarashii.

"OK…" he said, putting his pistol away. "I think it's safe now."

Not that that mattered much to Crona, as he was curled up in his seat, knees to his chest, slowly rocking back and forth. Raven reached over and hugged Crona, trying her best to calm the once-again-traumatized swordsman.

"I don't want fans anymore…" he whimpered. "I don't want 'em, I don't want 'em…"

Beast Boy stared at Crona, his expression one of horror.

"Is…is that what _I_ have to look forward to?"

Subarashii sighed as he got back in his seat. "Well, let's see. You're the youngest of your group, you're the Plucky Comic Relief-"

*TVTropes references: 36*

"-you've been burned pretty damn badly by a girl in the past, and you have pointy ears. …sucks to be you, kid."

Beast Boy shivered while Crona nervously opened his next letter.

_Without looking, guess what time it is_

"Uh…11:55?"

_When did you last laugh?_

Crona blushed heavily, rubbing his right rib while doing so.

_If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?_

"…Ragnarok-"

"_I said NO_!" Ragnarok shouted. "If I wasn't going to help you get the money to buy a house before, _why would I now_?"

Beast Boy blinked. "Dude, you're homeless?"

"N-No, I have a room…just wanted my own place…"

_What type of music do you dislike most?_

"I don't really have any preferences…but I usually like it when it isn't really loud…"

_If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be?_

"Uh…Elvis?"

Subarashii raised an eyebrow. "…really?"

"It was just who came to mind first…"

_Who was the last person you ate a fancy dinner with?_

Subarashii grinned. "Gee, lemme-"

"No one. I haven't had any "fancy" dinners…"

"…oh."

Beast Boy leaned over to Raven as Crona opened another letter. "What was he going to say?"

"Don't ask."

_How do you imagine the perfect human being to look like?_

Crona looked at the letter for a second, then looked up at Subarashii.

"Perfection is a lie, remember?"

Subarashii blinked, then grinned. "Good to know you're learning, kiddo."

Raven frowned. "…did I miss something?"

"Just guy talk." Subarashii replied.

_What was going through your head when Ragnarok made you flip Maka`s skirt?_

Crona groaned, his head hitting his tray. "Why do people keep talking to me about that…?"

Beast Boy blinked as Crona opened his next letter. "Uh, should I-"

"_No._" was all that Raven gave him.

_if there was one thing you could change about yourself, what would it be?_

Crona fidgeted slightly as he placed the letter aside. "W-Well…it'd be nice if I could be…brave…"

Raven placed a hand on his shoulder as he opened his last letter. _…I wish I knew what to say to him right now…_

_Would you care for some chocolate covered coffee beans? They are truly delicious!_

"…why do I get the feeling I should say no to that?"

_When are you the happiest?_

Crona simply flushed, not giving a direct answer. Subarashii pointed up.

"Look! It's Captain Obvious! I wonder why he's hovering around us?"

_Please... please let me know. Are you okay?_

"…well…I've been better, that's for sure…"

He then looked over at Raven and Beast Boy as Raven opened her first letter. "W-What about you guys…?"

The two looked at one another for a moment, before Raven turned and gave Crona a reassuring smile.

"We'll manage."

_ever seen avenue q?_

"No, and frankly, it looks way too ridiculous for my tastes."

_favorite villian in terms of powers?_

"Hm…I'd have to say Mumbo, if only because it's so much fun to tear apart his silly tricks right in front of him."

Beast Boy frowned. "…you got a weird look in your eye, Rae."

"Shush."

_when a fic breaks the fourth wall does it bug you?_

"Like everything, it only bugs me when someone does it badly."

_ever seen futurama?_

"…why would I watch that?"

Beast Boy frowned as Raven opened her next letter. "Uh, because it's funny? Honestly, where's your sense of humour?"

"In comparison to yours? On an entirely different planet, apparently."

_Would you prefer a massive amount of praise and applause or well thought-out questions about various topics ranging from political views to anything else that seems notable? Or perhaps both?_

"Doesn't really matter to me. People are going to ask what they're going to ask, not a lot I can do about it…"

_What's your view on abortion? (I'm only asking you because you seem to know more about these things than the Greatest Space Pirate in the Universe™ and Mr. Kokuryuu)_

Raven ignored the loud "hey" of disapproval from Subarashii and started her answer.

"In all honesty, I can see why some people would have a problem with it. It's never been clear-cut when exactly life begins, no matter what either side will tell you. The possibility that you could be killing an infant will always be lingering over people's minds when it comes to this, even if we one day figure out when the fetus becomes aware. Having said that, it is still a choice that should be made by the involved parties and no one else. Someone who has probably never had children or had to think about the consequences of having children shouldn't have the right to make such an important decision for someone else. Leave it to the involved parties to figure it out, whether you agree with their choice or not. Those are my thoughts on the matter."

She frowned in confusion as she put the letter away. "Wait…who's "Mr. Kokuryuu"?"

Subarashii tilted his head. "Well…kokuryuu is Japanese for "black dragon"…"

He then pointed at Crona. "So I'm guessing she meant him. And incidentally, that is a _badass_ nickname and you should stick with it."

Crona sighed while Ragnarok glared up at Subarashii. "What part of "I can't fly anymore" isn't getting through to you people?"

Raven shook her head as she opened her next letter.

_What is the last thing you watched on TV?_

Raven looked over at Beast Boy. "Didn't you bug me into watching some documentary on famous rock stars?"

Beast Boy frowned. "Yeah, and in case you forgot, you _fell asleep_ while we were watching it!"

"I told you, I've been having trouble sleeping lately."

Crona looked over at Subarashii, whose contemplative frown matched Crona's own.

_When did you last step take a walk or stroll?_

"…I actually don't know. Considering I can just fly where I want to…"

_Tell me something about you that most people don't know._

Raven frowned, looking at the others. "Hmm…something you guys don't know…"

Beast Boy grinned. "Weeeeeeell…you could tell us what that book in your third drawer-"

"_RAVEN CHOP_!"

Beast Boy groaned as he slumped in his chair, face smoking from the impact. "What was that…?"

"First of all, how many times do I have to tell you to not go into my room? Second, why were you rooting through my drawers? And third, _no, I am not going to tell you what that is_!"

_Ever tried ballroom dancing?_

"After what Robin went through when he did it, noooooo, thank you."

_If you could change something about your home, without worry about expense or mess, what would you do?_

"Well, I suppose our own library would be nice…"

Beast Boy sighed. "Come on, you practically have enough books for a library as it is. Why would you need more?"

"…they still write new books, Beast Boy."

_Is there any place in particular you like to shop for books?_

"Not really, though this one local store in our city is usually the place I go to."

Beast Boy sighed as Raven opened her next letter. "Books this, library that…do you ever talk about anything else?"

"You know, they actually started adding video games for borrowing at the library."

"We're totally going when this is over."

Raven rolled her eyes. _Typical…_

_Have you ever pushed on your eyes with your thumbs and then let go so you could see stars?_

"…do I look like an incredibly bored ten-year-old?"

_Have you ever played a Pokemon game?_

"…do I look like someone who plays any video games at all, much less a Pokemon game?"

Subarashii grinned. "Making up for lost time with the snark, Raven?"

"I do have a quota to meet."

_Have you ever had to babysit before?_

"Technically, whenever I run into Melvin, Timmy, and Teether…"

Beast Boy tilted his head as Raven opened her last letter. "Who names a _girl_ Melvin?"

"No idea…"

_I have to say that you are one of my favorites from Teen Titans, and I'm glad to see you doing this even though I understand how hard it is. I can only offer the advice that since you are in the minds of so many, you do exist. Just like any historical figures you learn about in school but never actually get to meet, or the people across the world that I've never seen or don't know the names of, just because you might be a fictional character you are still real. Don't let those thoughts get you down. :) I know that you're stronger than that._

_Believe it or not I question my own existence and it is nothing important like yours has been, but even then I'm still living, and I at least know I exist to myself. Does knowing all of that make you feel better? Keep believing Raven, I know I'll always believe in you._

Raven's mouth hung open slightly in shock as she stared at the letter, completely stunned and unable to think of any response. The others all stared at Raven, all of them equally as surprised at the heartfelt emotions that seemed to pour out from the letter.

They were even more surprised to hear what was undoubtedly a small sniffle come from Raven.

"R-Raven…?" Crona cautiously asked.

"I-I'm fine…" she replied, shaking slightly. "I…I just need a minute…OK?"

She slowly hugged the letter to her chest, muttering her famous chant under her breath while doing so.

Beast Boy leaned past her to look over at Crona, who was fidgeting nervously. He waited until Crona noticed him, after which he gave a slight nod in Raven's direction. Somehow, (though Crona had no idea how) he understood what Beast Boy was trying to say, and nodded in reply.

Beast Boy held up three fingers, slowly curled in one, then a second, and finally the last. Right then, they both moved forward and hugged Raven at the same time, causing her to blush in surprise. She looked between the two of them, who were both smiling up at her.

"G…guys…I'm trying to not cry here…"

"We know that, Rae." Beast Boy replied. "We just felt like hugging you, is all."

Crona gave a small "hm" of agreement, his chin on Raven's shoulder.

Raven looked between the two of them again, then gave a small sigh, a smile coming over her face.

"…thanks, you guys."

She looked down at the letter. "And…whoever sent this…thank you…"

Subarashii smiled, opening his first letter. _Nice to know not all our fans are rabid nutcases…lucky Rae…_

_subuatii(got hit in the head by a fan so now i'm doubting everything i spell. no joke)_

"Funnily enough, I'm not laughing."

_what's one thing on your bucket list._

"To make sure the concept of the bucket list dies and stays dead."

_the question about the closest star to earth. the answer is the sun._

"Oooh, wow, you got me good, pal. Not like I couldn't care less about the matter."

_you already hate me so why am i so worried about saying- my immortal. that's right i'm back to trying to tortue you with this._

Subarashii shuddered involuntarily. "You are such a prick…"

_who was that any way trying to steal my old joke anyway? the nerve of some people am i right?_

"…the hell are you talking about?"

_i am not a stalker... but i think i should tell you i am out of milk._

"…good for you?"

_i have friends that watch this too and we were arguing over who's the coolest and i said you because your not afraid of being a sterotypical pirate infact you seem to be proud of it. and thats why you're my hero_

Subarashii sighed as he crumpled up the letter and tossed it aside. "Sorry, but you sucking up to me isn't going to make me like you."

He then opened his next letter. "Incidentally, are you guys done with your refuge in cuteness?"

Raven sighed. "Well…partially."

Crona had since let go of Raven. Beast Boy hadn't.

"Beast Boy, seriously, you can let go of me now."

"Nah, don't wanna."

_You sound like a godly space pirate to me, (because you are)_

"Damn straight I am!"

_but I can't help but feel that you have flaws. I don't know what they are, but I will find out eventually..._

"Yeah, look, I already have enough psycho stalkers after me, and quite frankly, you already scare the hell out of me, lady. So no thank you."

_I find it strange that I imagine you looking like a lupe (from Neopets) instead of a person._

"…did you just call me a furry?"

Beast Boy suddenly let out a shout, letting go of Raven. "Oh God, I know what those are now! I feel so…dirty…"

Subarashii sighed as he opened his next letter. "Most people do…"

_Have you ever ridden on a motorbike?_

"Naturally. It's practically in the Badass-How-To-Book to ride a Cool Bike at least once."

*TVTropes references: 37*

_Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?_

"Oh, sure, I sky-dive all the time."

Crona blinked. "Really…?"

"Well, yeah. How else would I invade enemy ships and make a cool entrance at the same time?"

"…that's insane…"

"And that's why it works."

_What type of music do you like most?_

"Anything that can be described as "epic"."

_What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?_

"Whose ass will be the first that I kick."

_What did you do for your last birthday?_

"Convinced a tribe on some planet to build a monument to me."

Raven sighed as she turned to Beast Boy. "OK, you can't believe everything he says, Beast Boy…"

"Hey, I totally did! You can't prove I didn't!"

_Do you like steak?_

"Well, last I checked, I was a man, so yes, yes I do."

Beast Boy blinked as Subarashii opened his next letter. "Hey! There are vegans in the room, you know!"

"I thought you were a vegetarian?"

"…well, I found out that eating tofu eggs technically makes me a vegan. Guess that one's on my creators."

_What the hell do you look like? I`ve looked everywhere for a picture and found nothing!_

"…how about you try a frickin' wanted poster? Not exactly hard to find one of those."

_What do you like in a woman?_

"Oh, geez, where to start? First of all, they have to actually have a brain in their head. No ditzes for me…except for the sake of comedy. And then there's the hair colour. Sure, blondes supposedly have more fun-"

Both Crona and Beast Boy flushed at that.

"-but there's a certain allure to a brunette. And then there's hunting down the elusive redhead…though that would be a little weird, considering I'm one myself. And then you take figure into account-"

"Alright, alright, we get it, you like women in general, can you just move on already?" Raven interjected.

"Fine…geez…"

_A boy and his father were in a car accident. The father died and the boy was rushed to the hospital. But when the boy was brought into the Emergency room the doctor said "I cannot operate on this boy, he`s my son." Explain this._

"…you're severely fucked up. There you go."

Subarashii crumpled the letter and tossed it aside, quickly opening his last one.

_Of course it would be rum._

"Oh, shut up."

_Have you ever been in love? (I'll let you cop out of this with saying an inanimate object if you refuse to answer with a person.)_

"Oh, thank you _ever_ so much for allowing me to "cop out". Well, if you must know…none of your business. So there."

_What is essential for you to have when traveling through space?_

"Well, a ship would be a good place to start."

Subarashii tossed the last letter away, adding it to the fairly large pile that had accumulated.

"We had a lot to go through today, didn't we…?" Crona pointed out.

"It's a sign of our growing success. Pretty soon we'll be up to our armpits in fanmail." Subarashii said with a grin.

He then leaned forward to look at Raven and Beast Boy. "Now, guys, listen-"

"It's OK, Subarashii." Raven interrupted. "I know. It isn't us, it's just a poor interpretation of us. We can get through this."

Beast Boy blinked, then nodded. "Yeah! Shouldn't be too bad…right…?"

The two looked at one another uncertainly, before the lights darkened and the show began.

/

**Before we get started with the story let me tell you what the main character looks like.**

Raven: …oh no.

Crona: *shudders*

**She has pitch black eyes and hair. Her hair is cut short at the ear, messy, layered, bunch of hair that covers her right eye.**

Subarashii: Great, it's an emo.

Raven: Well, the author is named Emoangel…

Crona: Y-You mean this is a self-insert too?

**She is an inch or two taller than Beast Boy.**

Raven: So is most of the world.

BB: _Hey_!

**She is wearing a white tank top, a loose black hoodie, dark baggy jeans with flare at the end, and Rainbow sandals.**

Subarashii: *singing* One of these things is not like the others…

**I do not own Deathnote or Teen Titans. I only own this story and Lisa.**

BB: …if this involves Death Note…one of us is going to die, huh?

Raven: Considering the "main character" is supposedly emo…probably.

**I was sitting in the pizza place reading the Iliad.**

Raven: Oooh, aren't we deep?

**I thought about all the bad things I had done. 'I will make it up to them. I will! Or die trying!'**

Subarashii: Hopefully the latter.

Crona: If we're lucky…

**The door opened suddenly, making me look up; it was an extremely slow day. "Come on! We ALL deserve some pizza after that," a masked boy said to a group of teenagers, which consisted of a discolored, red haired girl,**

Raven & BB: _Discoloured_?

**a half-robot half-human guy, a gothic/emo girl,**

Raven: It's one or the other. Hurry up and decide so I can tell you how wrong you are.

**followed by- My breath got caught in my chest.**

BB: Awww, yeah. Hear that? I'm the one that takes her breath away!

Raven: It's an OC, and probably a Sue at that.

Subarashii: *sneezes*

BB: …never mind.

**'It's them! Better keep cool. Act like I don't care who it is.' I looked back to my book. "That's them, right?" Ryuk asked staring at the group.**

Subarashii: Oh hey there, character from another medium who's here for no reason! Are you going to have any impact on the plot? I'm betting no!

**I nodded my head slightly, as if I was agreeing with the book.**

Crona: I'm pretty sure books can't talk…

Raven: Depends on the book.

**"What do you plan to do?" I tilted my head back and forth while looking at my book then shrugged. They seemed unaware of me sitting just a table away from them. 'What to do? What to do?' My thoughts were interrupted by two more people walking in. I recognized them the minute they walked in. They weren't people; they were robots made to look like humans. I should know: I made them.**

Crona: Please tell me that's the only superpower she has…

Subarashii: Don't want to get your hopes up, kid.

Crona: *groans*

**I put my book away into my messenger bag. 'Making it up to them will have to wait a minute.' I grabbed my bag and headed toward the two 'guys'. I stopped in front of the Teen Titans' table. I faced Beast Boy, who happened to be on the end, fell to my knees**

Subarashii: Whoa! Damn, kid! I didn't think you were _that_ effective with-

*RAVEN CHOP!*

**and said,**

**"Please, forgive me. I didn't know what I was doing. I wanted to be accepted.. I would have done anything for him, until I learned. Please forgive me!" My voice was loosing volume at the end.**

Raven: …this sounds eerily familiar.

BB: _Very_.

**"Beast Boy, who is this?" Robin asked curiously.**

**"I don't know. I think you have the wrong person," Beast Boy said unaware of what I had done.**

**"No, I have the right person. I'll explain in one minute. First, I have to make it safe for me to talk." With that I stood up and headed toward the robots with haste. I slowed down when I was directly in front of them. I had put a chip in these robots to act like a normal, 20-year-old men. Since my shirt was pretty tight and I had nothing to complain about in the chest department, it wasn't hard to get their attention.**

Crona: *head hits tray* Of course…turning grown men into pedophiles…it's Tempation all over again…

**They had one little part of them, that no one knew about, that would make them fall about with one yank.**

Subarashii: …uh-

Raven: _Don't_.

**"I thought we had a deal. Did ya miss me that much?" I was slowly, creeping my hands closer to their ears where said part was. They didn't seem to notice, their eyes were focused on my boobs.**

Crona: D-Do these Sues ever focus on anything besides how supposedly attractive they are…?

Subarashii: If it's really a Sue, maybe. If it's a self-insert, though, never.

**"Well too bad we couldn't talk more," I started reaching the bad part was,**

**"Bye bye." I yanked the part and they fell apart immediately.**

Raven: …so, you take out _one_ part from a supposedly very humanoid robot, and they just fall apart? …I'm not an expert on robotics or anything, but that seems far beyond unlikely.

**"Dude!" Beast Boy yelled. I quickly headed back to their table where curious faces greeted me.**

**"How did you know that that would happen?" Cyborg asked. I sighed. Ryuk behind me was laughing it up.**

**"Because I made them." I told them hanging my head.**

**"Why? And for whom?" Robin asked as if I was a criminal. Which I kinda was.**

**"Because I had made a deal and..." I trailed off on the name.**

**"Who?" Raven asked.**

**"It's okay. You can trust us. We won't hurt you." Beast Boy said.**

**"swhade" I mumbled so barley anyone could hear it.**

Raven & BB: Of course.

**"Who?" Robin asked not hearing what I had said.**

**"I would feel safer if I told you in a place where we're sure that people aren't eavesdropping on our conversion." I told Robin looking around. He nodded while standing up. The others followed suit and followed Robin to a safer place.**

Subarashii: Which would be where, exactly?

**"So," Beast Boy started while walking on my right, "why did you apologize to me so much?"**

**"I did something terrible." I told him in a monotone voice while glueing my eyes to the ground.**

**"Come on, it couldn't be that bad."**

**"Do you want a hint?" I asked facing him.**

**"Sure!"**

**"Death, earth, girl, controlled." I turned and continued to follow Robin.**

Raven: …you have _got_ to be kidding me.

BB: …she isn't…she's not trying to say that she…

Raven: For her sake, she better not be.

**Beast Boy seemed confused at the hint I gave him.**

BB: _Are you serious_? I'm like the _last_ person who would be confused by that! What is wrong with you?

**I would be too if it weren't for the fact that my family members, well the part I know, are frickin geniuses.**

Crona: Of course they are…because you just need to be even more special, don't you…?

Subarashii: And it's not exactly difficult to figure out who you're talking about. Unless you think you gave such a clever clue. Which you didn't.

**After about 20 minutes of complete silence (not including the confused and frustrated noises that came from Beast Boy),**

BB: *lion growl*

Subarashii: Whoa! Dude, that's awesome! What other noises can you make?

BB: When I'm in a better mood, I'll show you…

**we reached the Titan Tower.**

Crona: …why didn't you just say that that's where you were going in the first place?

**Robin lead us into what seemed to be an interrogation room. 'Darn, I thought that I had escape these kinds of rooms. Oh well.' I sat down in the chair that had the hand cuffs next to them. The others lined up around the other side of the table.**

**"Let's get started." Robin said. He stared at me**

**"What is your name?"**

**"Lisa Amane." I said without hesitating. 'Sorry Misa.'**

Subarashii: …wow. You didn't even try, did you? One freakin' letter. I think you actually have to try to be that lazy.

Raven: …isn't that a bit of a contradiction?

Subarashii: Shush.

**"Tell us about your past."**

**"My past? Okay, well, I ran away from home a year or two ago and came here."**

**"Why'd you run away from home?"**

**"Things were getting too complicated for me."**

**"Can you explain that to us?"**

**"No."**

**"No? How are we to trust you when we don't know why you ran away? You could be a mass murder and we wouldn't know." Ryuk was dyeing of laughter behind me; Robin had no idea how close he was.**

Raven: Subtle as a train wreck.

**"You never explained why you left Batman. Why should I explain why I left home?" I asked.**

BB: …you know, he never did explain that.

Raven: And he doesn't have to if he doesn't want to. It's not our business to pry.

**'I am such a smart ass.'**

Subarashii: Oh, you're _some_ kind of ass, lady.

**He was glaring at me from the other side of the table.**

**"Next question then. Where did you come from?"**

**"Asia."**

**"Where in Asia? It is a pretty big continent." Raven said quickly after my answer.**

**"Northwestern Asia."**

**"That still leaves a lot of countries."**

**"I'm well aware."**

**"Then which country is it?" Robin was getting annoyed that I wasn't answering the question.**

**"I cannot give you that information. Can we go to the next question, please?"**

Raven: You know what's sad about this?

Crona: What…?

Raven: The fact that, despite not giving us any reason whatsoever to trust her and only being more suspicious as time goes on, we're going to take her in anyway. I just know it.

Crona: *pats Raven's shoulder*

**He didn't look too happy about my request but continued.**

**"You said you made those robots because you had made a deal, but you didn't tell us who you made them for."**

**I sighed.**

**"You have to pinky swear on your honor that you won't give to the police or harm me."**

BB: *overly false gasp* The pinky swear! That means she's totally serious about this, guys!

Crona: *confused look*

Subarashii: I swear, I am going to write a book of all the things you supposedly don't know and force Maka to read it.

**He looked suspiciously at me, eyeing my pinky. He eventually agreed and hook his pinky with mine. So I continued.**

**"Your old master, Slade." I said his name with such coldness that I thought the temperature would dropped in the room.**

**Robin had gotten a little paler than he already is and looked like he wanted to jump over the table, knock me into the wall, and beat me up while he asked the questions.**

BB: _Do it anyway_!

**I'm SO glad I made him pinky swear on his honor.**

Crona: …is that really that important?

Raven: No, she's just being stupid.

**"Now explain why you were hugging Beast Boy's legs and begging him to forgive you."**

**"I'll have to tell you more of my story so that that will make sense."**

Raven: "Despite not wanting to do so just a few seconds ago!"

**Everyone nodded in agreement, so I started.**

**"When I first came over here, I had no money, nothing that would help me survive. Slade found me on the streets and took me in. I didn't know anything about the criminals here, so I thought that he was just a really nice man. In return for him taking me in I would kill criminals for him. When in reality I was just getting rid of his competition. Then one day he gave me this file of a girl... I may still have it...hold on." I reached into my bag and pulled out the file Slade had given me.**

**"Here it is." I slid the file over to Robin to read.**

**"Terra." He was pissed, but there was a hint of confusion and shock in his voice.**

**"He was telling me about the mudslides, earthquakes, rock avalanches, and loads of other disasters that she had caused."**

**"Why would you kill Tera? She was nice" Starfire asked confused.**

**"You couldn't have killed Tera." Beast Boy said speaking up. "She died to save us."**

BB: Oh, yeah, she's definitely dead. Despite being in what looks like a Catholic school without her powers or any memory of what she did, yeah, she's clearly dead! _How stupid are you_?

**"Your right, because I didn't. Slade said that he wanted to help her, like he did me, to teach her to control her powers. I didn't know that he was using her, I swear!" I looked pleading at them to please believe me, for it was the truth.**

**"You said that he wanted to help her, like he did you, with her powers. What powers do you have?" Raven said.**

Raven: Even though I didn't actually ask that question, I already regret asking it.

**"I can make people think, do, or say whatever I want them to.**

Crona: So, just your basic Sue powers…?

**And." I stopped so that I could demonstrate my second power.**

**"And?" Starfire curiously asked. I looked at the gang then started to inspect my nails as if they did something worth staring at. Suddenly, Robin started to rise off the ground. He flipped upside down, not looking too happy. His shoes slipped off his feet and started to dance around his head, which was now level to the table. He did ****NOT**** look happy about it.**

Subarashii: Of course, telekinesis. The standard go-to ultimate do-anything-you-want power for Sues everywhere! …no offense, Raven.

Raven: None taken.

**"Put me down!" Robin said extremely frustrated.**

**"Say the magic word." I said playfully. He looked at me with an expression that said: 'If you don't put me down right now, I will kill you with every weapon I own.'**

Subarashii: *chanting* Do it, do it, do it…

**"Please."**

**He immediately turned right-side up, his shoes returned to his feet, and gravity came into effect. Robin fixed his hair, which was standing straight up from being upside-down, then turned to me. If looks could kill, I'd be dead a long time ago.**

**"I'm going back to Light. I'll be back when you start killing people or when you give me apples." Ryuk said after pulling on the back of my hair in a playful sort of way. I ran my fingers through the back of my messy hair as Ryuk went through the ceiling. It was amazing that only I could hear him.**

Crona: Wait…if no one else can see him, wouldn't that mean that her hair just randomly messed itself up…?

Raven: Good point. Now watch as no one references it at all.

**"Impressive." Raven said in her monotone voice**

**I nodded my head in agreement.**

Raven: See?

BB: You could've been talking about her amazing hair moving powers!

Raven: …why would I call that "impressive" without any sarcasm added in?

**I put my most pleading look on my face and asked, "So can I please help you?"**

**"We'll have to talk about it. We'll be right back." Robin said in a cold tone**

**"Wait!" I leaped across the table and grabbed his wrist before he could leave. "Before you decide on whether I could help or harm you, let me tell you somethings. I have nothing left to live for if you don't accept me. If you shun me away then the NPA will come and I WILL die within hours of them finding me. In short, I will die if you don't let me help you." Once I had finished, I let go of his wrists.**

Subarashii: Wow, what a great example of a future hero! Guilting the others into letting her stay because she'll apparently die if they don't! Clearly this is someone you can trust!

BB: …and we're gonna let her stay anyway, aren't we?

Raven: We'd be terrible people if we didn't.

**Starfire looked like she was going to cry. She looked over at Robin with HUGE eyes.**

**"We will discuss this outside." Robin said with some concern in his voice. (Even though it was 80% coldness and 20% concern, it is a progress right?)**

BB: Oh come on! Robin's not so cold that he wouldn't care whether or not someone lives or dies!

Raven: I get the feeling this Robin's going to be more than a bit Flanderized.

*TVTropes references: 38*

**They all walked outside one by one. First Robin, then Raven, followed by Cyborg and Beast Boy. Starfire was the last to leave the interrogation room. I gave her a re-assuring look to try and ease her sadness.**

**It seemed like an eternity before they came back. When they FINALLY decided, they streamed into the room. Starfire looked pleased so I guess that something good is about to happen.**

**"So the verdict is?"**

**"We will take you in."**

**"!" Starfire squealed while jumping up and down excitedly. I on the other hand knew there had to be a catch.**

**"You will work for us to defeat Slade. Until then, you will work as a maid for the us, cleaning, cooking, the works. Got it?" Robin said strictly**

Raven: …wait, what?

BB: …we have a maid now?

Crona: How do you guys keep such a big tower clean without one, anyway…?

Raven: We actually don't use that much of it, so it's not as difficult as you'd think.

**"Sir, yes, sir." I said mocking his strictness. "Thank you." I said this with all my heart.**

**"Oh this is glorious!" Starfire exclaimed grabbing my wrists and twirling me around. **_**'When she get on my side of the table?'**_

**"We shall be the best of friends and we can do the painting on the toes and the eating of sugary foods until midnight."**

**"Sounds fun." I said trying to gain my posture back when she stopped spinning me.**

Raven: And they got to Starfire too…

BB: She probably got to all of us.

Subarashii: No, apparently she likes you, so you should be fine…relatively speaking…

BB: Great…

**The end for now!**

**Sorry I haven't posted recently. I get distracted REALLY easily.**

Subarashii: Quick! Someone throw something shiny at her!

**Hope everyone's summer is great so far!**

Crona: Could be better…

**Until later**

**Emoangel126!**

Subarashii: …nah, I already sang that today.

**Chapter 2 here we go!**

**I do not own Deathnote or Teen Titans. I do own this story and Lisa.**

Raven: What was the point of crossing over with Death Note, anyway? There hasn't been much of a presence outside of Ryuk and…our "main character".

Subarashii: You assume there was a point to this?

**"I have a couple of questions." I told Robin. He raised his eyebrow at me as if asking 'What could you want?'**

**"Do I have to call everyone 'Master' or 'Miss'?"**

**I could tell he was thinking about it. **_**'Please say no, please say no!'**_

**He smirked and replied, "Yes."**

BB: Sucker!

_**'Darn, wait, why didn't I use my powers then!'**_

Raven: Using your mind-control powers on the people who took you in. Yeah, you're definitely trustworthy.

**"Do I have a uniform?" I continued.**

**"Hm. What do you guys think?" Robin turned to the rest of the team for their opinion.**

**"I think she would look cute in a traditional Tamaran outfit!" Starfire said happily while twirling around in the air.**

Raven: …*sighs* No comment.

**"I think that she should wear a French maid uniform." A boy said walking casually into the room.**

Crona: F-F-F-F… *wheezes*

**"Yo, Speedy!" Cyborg said happy to see his friend.**

**"Hey Cyborg. Whose the little lady?"**

**"That's Lisa." Robin said walking up to Speedy.**

**"I'm the new maid for the Titans West." I said sweetly while smiling.**

BB: And they don't see anything weird about that?

**"Speedy, I told you it was suppose to be a surprise." Bumblebee said walking in with Mas y Menos and Aqualad following her.**

Raven: …apparently not.

**After everyone said hello to each other and asked about their lives, during which I decided to walk back to my seat and continue to read my book, the Titans turned their attention back to me.**

**"Quién es ella?" Mas y Menos asked simultaneously.**

**"Me llamo Lisa." I replied, not stopping from my reading to look at them. Though, I could tell they were confused and surprised.**

Subarashii: Oh, of _course_ she can speak other languages! It's not like being able to speak whatever language is needed right then and there is necessary or anything, but she's just so cool that she can anyway!

*crickets chirping*

Subarashii: …why do I suddenly need to find a lampshade?

*TVTropes references: 39*

**"Usted habla español?"**

**"Sí."**

**"De donde es?"**

**I looked over my book with an expression that said 'really, you think I'm gonna tell you that?'**

Subarashii: …what's the problem? They didn't even specify what they were talking about.

**"You speak Spanish?" Robin asked amazed and suspicious.**

**"Oui." I replied in French.**

Crona: *wheezes*

BB: …dude, you OK?

Crona: Y-Yes! Yes, I'm fine!

**"So, who is she?" Bumblebee asked Robin.**

**"She's a former convict that helped Slade and wants to repent by being our maid."**

**"Why does she want to 'repent', as you say, to you guys?"**

**"I killed a Titan." I said speaking up from behind my book.**

Raven: …nooo, we clearly established that you did not, in fact, kill Terra. What the hell are you talking about?

**I looked up and saw that they had not taken that bit of information very well.**

**...awkward silence…**

**That was until Speedy 'decided' to start dancing the macarena.**

BB: _Oh dear God_!

Subarashii: Why didn't you just kill the poor bastard, you sick freak?

**"Speedy, dude, why are you dancing the macarena?" Aqualad asked extremely confused. I smiled from behind my book.**

**"I don't know!" Speedy exclaimed, "It's like I can't control my body!"**

**"Lisa." Robin said in a scolding manner. Speedy stopped dancing and looked around very confused.**

**"Lisa can control people's thought and actions." Raven said who was standing closest to the door.**

Raven: And we still apparently don't see a problem with her using said powers on us. Why are we taking her in again?

Crona: Because she'll apparently die if you don't.

Raven: …days like these I hate our vow to never kill.

**I raised my hand as if I were in grade school, waiting for the teacher (Robin) to call on me.**

**"Yes?"**

**"I don't have to wear a French maid outfit do I?"**

Crona: *wheezes*

BB: …*grins* I didn't think you were the type to have a maid fetish, Crona.

*RAVEN CHOP!*

Crona: Th-That's not it! That's not it at all!

Raven: He can't hear you, he's busy being unconscious.

**Robin looked around the room to get everyone's opinion. Beast boy shrugged. Cyborg nodded along with Speedy and Aqualad. Apparently, the girls were not the ones that he counted in this decision.**

Subarashii: …I could make a joke here, but I should probably leave it alone.

Raven: A wise decision.

**"Yes you do."**

**"What about Mas y Menos? Don't they get a say in this?"**

**"It wouldn't change the decision."**

**"True."**

**"Starfire, can you and Cyborg go and get a French maid outfit for our new maid?" Robin asked Starfire. She nodded happily while floating out of the room with Cyborg following her.**

**"Should I go get ingredients to make you guys' dinner?" I said standing up.**

**"Yes. Beast boy, go with her to make sure she only buys what is necessary and comes back."**

**Robin said (more like commanded) Beast boy.**

**"Ugh, why do I have to go with her?"**

BB: Good question! Why me?

Subarashii: Because you're the one who's going to get stuck with her in the end.

BB: Damn my adorableness!

**"I'll go with her." Aqualad and Speedy said in unison. They glared at each other as if one had copied the other.**

**"How about Raven goes with me. She doesn't talk much and she won't flirt with me."**

Raven: If I don't talk much to you, it'll be because I don't like you. Which is certainly accurate in your case.

**I said speaking up. They all looked over at me.**

**"Good idea." Robin said.**

**"Then I'll be heading off." I said grabbing my messenger bag from the table and headed towards the door. "I'm just gonna assume that you are with me, Raven."**

BB: That means you're free to ditch her, Rae!

Raven: If only…

**I was able to find my way out of the T shaped building and lifted myself to where the city was.**

**"Raven, where's an Asian market and a regular supermarket?" Right when I finished I started sinking into the ground. Raven was teleporting me, hopefully, to one of the markets.**

_**'Yay! She transported me to the Asian market!'**_

**"Thank you."**

**I walked in so I could get the supplies for some vegetarian steamed dumplings and some pad Thai. I might have slipped some pocky in my cart, which Raven pulled out.**

Raven: Wow, she's a thief too. Clearly someone we can completely trust…and I wish I didn't have to keep pointing that out.

Subarashii: Maybe if she didn't keep making it so blatant…

**Raven paid for everything and we headed towards our next stop. At the supermarket I bought all the supplies I needed to make buffalo and vegetarian chili.**

**"How much food are you making?" Raven asked in a monotone voice.**

Crona: …is this Raven a robot? The constant mentioning of her monotone voice makes me wonder…

Raven: Just so long as it wasn't made by her…

**"Enough to feed everyone."**

Subarashii: Well, ask an obvious question…

**After that was said, she transported us back to the T-tower.**

**Inside the tower I saw everyone huddling over two of the many computers, except for Mas y Menos who were running around the place at break-neck pace. I decided to ignore this and silently walk into the kitchen with my supplies and begin cooking dinner.**

**"What are you guys doing?" Raven asked walking up to them**

**"Looking for information about her." Cyborg replied. He and Robin appeared to be the two people using the computer.**

**"Have you found anything?" "No. There is no one under the name Lisa Amane in Thailand, Russia, Japan, China, India, nor any other country in Asia!" Robin said frustrated. "She did give us a hint, remember?" Cyborg asked. I could hear his chair move, so I assume that he turned to face him. I was preparing the dinner and back was turned toward them, but I still listened to what was going on.**

**"What? Do you mean saying she was from Northwest Asia?"**

**"No. The last thing she said to you, something about the 'NPA' getting to her."**

_**'Dammit! I was so focused on getting them to accept me I let that slip! It's okay. If push comes to shove I'll just make them forget about it for now.'**_

BB: You know, if she just told us what was going on, we could probably actually help her, instead of having to jump through all these hoops!

Subarashii: And take away the unnecessary drama? What are you, nuts?

**"NPA...Lisa! Come here." Robin commanded. I stopped what I was doing and walked over to Robin.**

**"Yes, Master Robin? Is there something I can help you with?"**

**"What's the NPA?" He asked staring into my eyes, watching for any indication that what I was going to say next was a lie.**

**"NPA?" I tilted my head as if confused. "Never hear of it."**

**"Yes you have. You said something about the NPA when we were in the interrogation room."**

**"I did?" I could see that I was getting on Robin's nerves, so I decided to change the subject.**

**"If you'll excuse me, I have to get back to the dinner." I bowed and walked back to the kitchen. Okay, so that wasn't my best 'changing the subject' moments, but, hey, it worked.**

Subarashii: Where did you last serve, lady? The Bullshit Mansion? …yeah, bet you folks at home thought I forgot about that joke.

**"What is the NPA, Lisa?" Robin asked, not dropping the subject.**

**"I already told you; I don't know." I replied calmly. **_**'There's no way I can erase everyone's memory of it completely. There was probably a camera that recorded me saying NPA.'**_

Raven: Perfectly willing to erase people's memories. Wow, you're just a stand-up model citizen, aren't you?

**"You're lying. You wouldn't of said NPA in the interrogation room if you didn't know what it was."**

**I turned around to face Robin.**

**"Have you ever thought that maybe it didn't mean anything?"**

**"No."**

**"Hey, Robin, check this out." Cyborg called. "I made a search for the last name Amane and found someone."**

**"Who?" Robin asked eagerly while running to where Cyborg sat.**

**"Misa Amane. She is nineteen years old, blond, a model, and an only child."**

BB: Busted!

Subarashii: *singing* Bad boys, bad boys…whatchu gonna do? Whatchu gonna do when they come for you?

Raven: …what does that have to do with anything?

Subarashii: I dunno. I just felt like singing it.

**I could hear the chair turn and feel the stares of the group, specifically Robin's, in the back of my head.**

**"Lisa." Robin said sounding angry. "What is your REAL name?"**

**"Lisa is my real name." I replied calmly while putting food into the oven.**

**"Fine then, what's your last name?"**

**"I cannot tell you."**

**"What? What do you mean you can't tell me?"**

**"Revealing my identity will not only allow you to do a background check on me, it would also reveal my relative's identity. Which, I will not allow."**

**"Who's this 'relative'? Some criminal that deserves to be in jail?"**

Subarashii: Yeah, that didn't sound even remotely fanatical, Robin.

**"Someone who is known worldwide and someone who people would kill to know about." I replied sharply. I don't like anyone talking about my brother in a bad way. He's the smartest detective on the face of planet earth and he's really good at tennis.**

Crona: …*facepalm* Of course she's related to L…just wouldn't be a Sue if she wasn't related to one of the main characters…just like…

*Crona freezes for a moment, before curling up in his chair*

BB: …dude?

Crona: No…don't want to go to the house, stalker lady…no, keep your dog away from me…

BB: …huh?

Subarashii: Don't look at me, I'm just as confused as you.

Raven: Likewise.

**Robin appeared to still believe that the person I spoke of is a criminal and that I am now a criminal too.**

**"The relative isn't a criminal."**

**"Says the girl who lied about her name to get us to trust her."**

**"Says the boy who hides behind a mask and fake identity, Dick."**

BB: Whoa! Dude! That's just uncalled for!

Raven: …that's his name, Beast Boy.

BB: Yeah, I know. I just wanted to make that joke.

**Robin looked shocked as he stared at me.**

**"Dude, your name is **_**Dick**_**?" Beast Boy asked from the hallway, where he just walked in. He wasn't in the original group that surrounded the computers.**

**"How do you know that?" Robin inquired squinting suspiciously at me.**

**"It's this magical invention called the internet." I lied.**

Subarashii: Weeeeeeak.

**I could see his name clearly above his head.**

Crona: *groans* Of course she has the Shinigami Eyes too…and I'm betting she's just so special that she didn't have to give up half of her life to get them…

Subarashii: Don't jinx it!

**"No one would know that but Batman."**

**"Now think about my situation like this. If you had to give your real name to someone to gain their trust, you wouldn't be able to give them your name because it would reveal someone else's identity."**

Raven: …I'm not sure if it's her warped logic or her poor explanation, but that made almost no sense at all.

**"You still didn't answer my questions." "Which one?"**

**"What is the NPA and how you know what my real name is?" **_**'So he dropped the question about my name. That's interesting.'**_

**"I already answered all of your questions. Plus, it wouldn't change your opinion about me if you knew what the NPA is."**

**"Tell me anyway." Robin insisted.**

**"Glorious friends! I return with the maid outfit!" Starfire interjected happily.**

Crona: *wheezes*

Subarashii: …hey, hey! Crona!

Crona: …what?

Subarashii: Makainamaiddress.

Crona: *heavy blush, wheezing*

Subarashii: _I knew it_! I so freaking knew that was why-

*RAVEN CHOP!*

BB: …should I-

Raven: NO.

**Everyone turned to face her. **_**'That was convenient.'**_

**"Come, Lisa, you must try on this pretty dress."**

**"Yes, Miss Starfire." I followed, well she grabbed my hand and dragged me to a room.**

**"You can change in here. Come out when you're dressed okay?" Starfire didn't wait for me to reply before she pushed me into the room and closed the door. This was the first time I got a good look at the outfit.**

_**'What the hell?'**_

**Not only did Starfire buy a maid outfit, no, she also bought a garter belt, fish net tights, and black heels.**

Crona: *flushes* G-G-Garter belt…f-f-f-fish net…*faints*

BB: …he doesn't get out much, does he?

Raven: Took you that long to notice?

**Was she ****trying**** to make me look like a prostitute? After I put on the outfit, I learned how revealing the dress itself was. The back started below my shoulder blades, the front didn't leave anything to imagination, and the skirt ended where my wrist was. (If you need a visual, look up Izumi from He is my Master.)**

Raven: No, I think I can do without a visual, thank you.

_**Might as well go out and finish cooking before the dinner burns.' **_**I sighed and placed the maid headband on my head before walking outside. Outside the door, Starfire was waiting eagerly to see the outfit she thought 'pretty'.**

**"You look so cute!" Starfire exclaimed picking my up and squeezing the daylights out of me. "Let's go show the others how cute you are!"**

**I had no time to catch my breath before I was dragged by Starfire at a pace that lifted me off the ground. Suddenly, everything stopped. We had reached the living room where everyone was discussing something with great interest.**

**"Friends, look at Lisa in her new uniform!"**

**The Titans turned to face Starfire and I. I was blushing madly. This was the most revealing thing I've ever worn.**

**"Damn! Why can't we have a maid as sexy like that?" Speedy exclaimed staring at me with hungry eyes.**

Raven: And Speedy's apparently a potential rapist. Good to know.

**"Starfire, where did you get ****that****?" Robin asked confused on how Starfire was able to find and pick such a revealing maid's outfit.**

**"Well, Cyborg and I were walking down a street and I saw a sign that said sexy maid outfits and some other things that I can't remember. So I decided to walk into the store, but Cyborg wouldn't come in saying something about the store not being appropriate or something. I found this cute outfit inside!"**

Raven: *facepalm* _She would know what that is_!

BB: …you sure about that?

Raven: Considering I'm the one who had to explain that sort of thing to her, yes, I'm sure!

BB: Whoa, wait, what?

Raven: Well, who _was_ going to explain that there were places like that in Jump City? Robin?

**"Did the sign say 'adult videos'?" Speedy asked.**

**"Now that I think about it, the sign did say something about that." Starfire said putting her index finger to her chin in a thinking pose.**

Raven: And even so, Starfire is not stupid! She's just unaware of Earth customs, and she's changed a lot in that regard! Not that this person even cares, because that would require actually _thinking_!

**"If you will excuse me, I will return to the dinner." I bowed, which was not my smartest decision, and walked back to the kitchen. Everyone sat in silence thinking about Starfire's opinion on 'cute' clothes.**

Raven: Your opinion on Starfire's intelligence means less than nothing.

**Sorry I haven't posted a new chapter for so long. I really meant to get it out before, but I forgot... once again sorry.**

**I'd like to make a shout out to SUPER HAPPY RANDOM FUN TIEMZ8 for reminding me to put out new chapters!**

**Always forgetful~Emoangel126**

BB: I wish I could be as forgetful so I could just forget about today…

/

Beast Boy and Raven sighed, leaning back in their chairs as the lights came back on. After a few minutes, Beast Boy looked at Raven.

"So…this is where you've been spending your weekends, huh?"

Raven smiled slightly. "Something like that…"

She then frowned, noticing something odd.

"…no final comments from the peanut gallery?"

Subarashii groaned, rubbing his face. "Well, I was still _recovering_…"

"Don't be such a baby."

Raven then leaned over and poked Crona in the shoulder. "Hey. Wake up, Crona."

Crona awoke with a start, face flushing. "I-Is it over already?"

"Yes, we're done."

Crona fidgeted in his seat, face still red. "S-Sorry about that…"

Raven sighed, gently patting Crona's shoulder. "Don't worry about it."

Beast Boy yawned slightly, getting to his feet.

"Honestly, I don't know what you were so worried about, Raven. It wasn't so bad. Sure, we had to help some person we didn't know and shouldn't have really liked, and we looked like total idiots the whole way through, but it's not like anything _really_ bad happened…"

Raven frowned. "Yeah…we got lucky. I have a feeling that, if it was longer, something bad would've happened."

"Like what?"

"You getting together with her, while she's wearing the-"

"OK, OK! I get it!" Beast Boy replied, shuddering all the while.

Raven then got to her feet as well, placing a hand on Beast Boy's shoulder. "Listen…there's something else you need to know."

Beast Boy tilted his head. "What?"

"You can't tell anyone what happened today. Literally, you can't."

Beast Boy blinked. "Huh?"

"I'll explain it more later, but there was something done to our minds that prevents us from telling anyone who wasn't directly involved with this."

"…so…is that why you kept stuttering that one time you talked to us about you not going to the coffee shop?"

Raven nodded. "Right…I'm sorry, Beast Boy…"

Beast Boy grinned, putting an arm around Raven's shoulders. "Hey, don't sweat it, Rae! It's not like it was your fault. Besides, it was kinda funny to see you look like you have a speech problem!"

Raven glared at Beast Boy, a low growl emitting from her throat. Beast Boy's arm left her shoulders, a sheepish grin coming over his face. "J-Just a joke…"

He then stretched and walked past the others. "Anyway, I'm gonna head back to the Tower, so I'll just meet you there."

He headed for the stairs, looking back and pointing at Crona and Subarashii. "And hey, don't be strangers, you two! C'mon over for a visit when you can!"

Subarashii grinned. "Sure thing, kiddo." Crona simply nodded in response.

With that, Beast Boy gave the group a wave and headed out the twin doors. Raven watched him go, then sighed inwardly.

…_how to handle this…?_

"Hey, Crona…?" she asked aloud.

Crona blinked. "Y-Yes?"

"You wouldn't happen to have anything planned, would you?"

Crona flushed in surprise. "W-Well, I…um…I might…"

Raven sighed, giving Crona a small smile. "Then don't let us keep you. Go on, get a move on."

Crona blinked, clearly surprised. He slowly got to his feet, gripping onto his arm while doing so.

"Are you sure…? I mean…if there's something I can-"

Raven grabbed Crona's shoulders, looking into his eyes.

"Crona, I'll be fine. I'll be back next week. You don't have anything to worry about, alright?"

Crona blinked, face still slightly red. He looked down, then gave a small nod.

"OK…"

Raven smiled, turning Crona around and giving him a light push towards the stairs. "So get going. Don't keep her waiting for you."

Crona stumbled slightly, before giving the two a small wave and heading up and out the doors.

Subarashii looked up at the doors, then got to his feet as well.

"Well, that didn't go too badly…I have to admit, BB impressed me. He actually dealt with this a lot better than I expected…"

Raven didn't look at Subarashii, still facing the stairs. She then lowered her head, her hair obscuring her face.

"…he's really good…"

Subarashii blinked. "Huh?"

"At acting…I guess Beast Boy's better suited for TV than I thought…"

"…what are you talking about?"

Raven sighed, looking up at Subarashii.

"He hasn't dealt with this at all. He just put on a brave face for us and kept going. That's what I'm talking about."

Subarashii's eyes widened in surprise. That hadn't been a possibility that he considered.

"…are you sure?"

"It's _me_, remember?"

Subarashii frowned. "…so, what's the plan?"

Raven looked away, eyes focusing on the stairs again.

"…I don't know…"

Her arms found her shoulders, holding them like she was incredibly cold. "I…I have a lot to think about, Subarashii…about my place in the world…about just what I really am…and I have to help Beast Boy too…"

Subarashii looked up at the twin doors. "So…is that why…"

"I don't want Crona worrying about me…he has enough on his plate as it is…"

"…hey…listen…"

Raven turned to look at Subarashii, who was tugging on his hat so that his eyes were obscured.

"…I want to apologize, Raven…"

"…didn't we go over this last week?"

Subarashii shook his head. "Something else…I knew, Raven. I knew that you were next. I should've warned you this was going to happen, and I didn't…"

Raven blinked in surprise. "…how did you know?"

"You mentioned Robin once when answering fanmail. That was the giveaway. I should've just said what I thought, but I kept making excuses for-"

Raven held up a hand, silencing Subarashii mid-rant.

"…it doesn't matter, Subarashii."

"But-"

"It doesn't. Even if you had told me about that, it wouldn't have stopped this from happening. We would've been brought in anyway, and I still would've had to go through this. And you didn't know that we're only based on a pre-existing story, did you?"

Subarashii shook his head in response.

"Then it wouldn't have made a difference. No amount of preparation would have, believe me on that."

She looked down again, wrapping her cloak around herself. "As soon as it happened to Crona…I knew it was going to happen to me, sooner or later…no matter how much I didn't want it to."

She slowly walked towards the stairs, ascending them before stopping at the middle. She turned and looked down at Subarashii.

"But what I said was true. I will be back next week. And I will make it through this, eventually. So don't worry about me, alright? Like you said…I'll do fine."

Subarashii stared at Raven, surprised at her brave words. After a few seconds, he smiled, chuckling a little to himself.

"You superheroes…you're something else, you know that?"

He looked up at her, reaching up and tipping his hat.

"…good luck, Rae."

Raven gave a small, sarcastic smile.

"Don't call me Rae."

With that, she pulled her hood up and continued up the stairs, heading out the doors. Subarashii was left alone, to stare up at the large screen, the one that hid the camera that showed his face to an unknown amount of people. And, undoubtedly, their host as well.

And, as much as he didn't want to think about it, one thought echoed in his mind.

_Two down…one to go…_

/

WHEW! That was a freaking monster!

OK, now that that's done, I need a breather! I'll be uploading these to my DeviantArt account soon, so I can have a backup in case something goes wrong on here. After that, I'll get back to work.

As always, questions and suggestions are appreciated! Hell, if you just want to say something to the characters, feel free to say it! So long as you follow the above rule, that is…

See you…whenever!


	17. Story 11: A Novel By Jack Chick

Alright, back to the salt mines for me! I've taken too much time off as it is, so let's get a move on!

Today's story comes recommended by Zoomatron, who apparently likes to think of himself as a rather screwed-up fella, much like yours truly. Personally, that's not a point I'm about to argue (no offense intended, dude).

Anyway, as always, you want to agree with the choice, or disagree, it was all his idea. I'm blameless. Totally. Completely. Really.

Let's go!

/

Déjà vu: the feeling or sensation that you're doing something that you've done before.

That was the explanation Crona received when he asked Maka what it meant. And it fit perfectly with his current situation.

Some time ago, Crona had sat in his seat in the theater, all by himself, patiently waiting to see if anyone else would arrive. It had been about a month or two ago, but to Crona it felt like eons. So much had happened in the time he'd been there. He'd seen the worst of what supposed fans of fictional works had conjured up, and even interacted with a few of them in his own time. His best friend had been dragged into the same mess, and the two of them endured torture the likes of which no one could or should be able to comprehend.

And yet, it hadn't been all bad. Sometimes he'd be able to have fun with this, marveling at just how terrible people's writing could be. Not only that, but he'd somehow gotten closer with Maka, and he definitely didn't have a problem with that. And he liked to think that he'd made a couple of new friends while taking part in these sessions.

It had all started with him alone in the theater. And here he was, alone again, waiting to find out if he'd ever see those new friends of his ever again.

He couldn't blame either of them for choosing to not return. The last session had been Raven's turn to learn about her fictional nature, and she definitely didn't take it very well. Granted, she didn't turn into a blubbering mess like he had, but she didn't walk away unscathed. Still, she had been admiringly strong through it, and Crona liked to think she could keep going.

Even so, she had every reason not to. That kind of experience stayed with a person. Crona was proof of that. She couldn't just get over it and move on right away. It would take a long time for her to come to terms with it, let alone accept it. Coming back for more sessions would only make things more difficult.

Subarashii probably wouldn't come back either. After all, both Crona and Raven had gone through the experience, meaning that Subarashii was probably next in line. If Crona had known what was coming ahead of time, he probably would've run away, so he couldn't blame Subarashii for doing the same.

Sometimes, Crona wondered how he even managed to come back after he went through it. But now, he knew better. If he didn't have Maka, if he didn't have someone to draw strength from, he wouldn't have made it as far as he did. He probably wouldn't have even made it to the theater to begin with, much less after his revelation.

…_do they have someone like her?_ Crona wondered as he sat in his seat, wringing his hands nervously. _…do they need someone like her?_

Crona viewed both Subarashii and Raven as strong people. Stronger than him, anyway. But even they couldn't be completely self-reliant. If they went through something bad, did they have someone who could pick them up? Someone to help them move forward?

Crona hoped that they did, if only because it meant there was a chance he would see them again.

He sighed, wishing that he'd brought some sort of watch with him to keep track of time. He felt like he'd been waiting for ages, for some sign that things would keep going. So far, it wasn't looking good.

…_she'll be back._ Crona reassured himself. _She knew it was going to happen and came anyway…she has to come back…_

Almost in response to his thoughts, that familiar _splortch_ rang out, and Ragnarok emerged from Crona's back, glaring down at him from atop his head.

"Man, you are something else, you know that?"

Crona looked up. "Wh-What do you mean?"

"You don't want her to come back and be better for her sake. You just want her to come back to make _you_ feel better. You are so goddamn selfish!"

Crona froze, Ragnarok's words sinking into his mind. "Th-That's not why-OW!"

He was cut off by Ragnarok giving him a sharp smack on the head.

"Yes it is! It's all because she reminds you so much of your precious Maka, so you want her around! You just want another Maka for when the real one isn't right beside you! Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if you wanted a whole army of Makas to pamper and wait on you and obey your every whim! And I actually wouldn't have a problem with that, except you refuse to admit it!"

"Th-That isn't true! Not at all! She's my-"

"She's your what? Your _friend_?"

Crona nodded in reply, only for Ragnarok to grab ahold of his head and turn it up, so that he could look into his eyes.

"Don't be so fucking stupid. The only reason you two even know each other is because you were both dropped here. If that never happened, you wouldn't have ever met. And the only reason she keeps coming back is because she thinks she has to do this. It has _nothing_ to do with you."

Ragnarok let go of Crona's head, which lowered until Crona was staring at the screen, eyes widened in disbelief. Ragnarok took his opportunity to continue.

"Look, maybe you two weren't meant to meet. Maybe she was supposed to stay wherever she is and you were supposed to stay back in our place. She's not coming back, not after that. The only reason ol' flat-chest came back was to keep an eye on you, so there's no chance of her coming back at all. You're just wasting both our time here."

Ragnarok's words were barely heard by Crona. He was far too busy considering the possibility that Raven wasn't actually his friend.

_But…she was nice to me. She gave me advice. She…she hugged me…she has to be my friend! She has to be!_

He was yanked out of his thoughts by another sharp smack on the head from Ragnarok.

"Hey! It's over. Neither one of them are coming back. So get up off your ass and let's go home already!"

Crona didn't move at first, his mind still swimming with questions about Raven and their relationship. There was still a lot he didn't know about her. The random information had told him everything there was to tell about Raven, but that didn't mean he could figure out just who she was as a person. Raven was smart, she could probably figure out everything there was to figure out about him. But Crona never viewed himself as smart. He didn't think he could figure out what Raven would do, or why she would do something.

…_superheroes are supposed to do nice things all the time._ Crona bitterly thought. _It doesn't mean they actually care…_

Crona slowly got to his feet, trying as hard as possible to not start crying. He turned and made his way for the stairs. He would just go home, go back to Maka, and try to forget that this ever happened. He would have to move on.

He stopped when he heard the doors at the top open. He looked up, eyes wide as Raven slowly came down the stairs.

He noticed that she looked incredibly tired, and wondered if that was how he looked after his experience. She came to a stop at the bottom of the stairs, turning to look at him, giving him a weary smile.

"Hi Crona."

Before Crona could even begin to form a response, Ragnarok pushed down on his head, leaning forward to glare at Raven.

"Not one more word out of your mouth, bitch! I'm onto you!"

Raven blinked, looking up at Ragnarok. "…I'm afraid I don't follow."

"Oh, don't give me that! You're trying to trick poor Crona here into thinking that you're friends! What, you get off on manipulating people's emotions or something? You're a sick fuck, you know that?"

Raven stared at Ragnarok, a look of utter disbelief on her face. After a few seconds, she looked away.

"Well, that's certainly convenient."

Ragnarok blinked. "What is?"

Raven shrugged. "Apparently, you developed psychic powers after last time."

"…the hell are you talking about?"

She turned her head back and glared at Ragnarok. "I'm talking about how you apparently think you know why I do what I do. And frankly, you couldn't be more wrong if you tried."

"Now that is some fresh bullshit right there! What possible reason could you have for being Crona's friend?"

"What possible reason could I have for _not_ being his friend?"

"Don't dodge the fucking question!"

"Don't ask stupid questions, then."

"_It's not a stupid_-"

"Stop."

Both Raven and Ragnarok looked at the source of the voice. Crona was staring at the ground, his face obscured. His body was shaking slightly, and there was weakness in his voice.

"Just…just stop…please…"

Ragnarok stared at Crona for a good few minutes, before letting out a loud growl of frustration.

"You just never fucking learn, do you? Well, _FINE_! Have it your way, then! But when it turns out that she was just screwing with your head for kicks, don't say I didn't fucking warn you!"

With that, Ragnarok returned to Crona's body, leaving a silent theater behind. Crona was still shaking, not looking up at Raven. After a few minutes, Raven carefully moved forward.

"Crona-"

"It's not true…is it…?"

Raven froze. "What?"

"Y-You aren't just pretending…are you?..."

Raven stared at Crona for a short while, before sighing and placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Crona…do you view me as a friend?"

Crona stiffened, giving a slight hiss of breath at the question. After a few seconds, he gave a small nod.

Raven smiled, placing her other hand on his other shoulder.

"Good. Because I do view you as a friend. And even if I didn't, I would never trick anyone into thinking that. And that includes you."

Raven started to lean down a bit to get a look at Crona's face, but stopped when she heard a small sniffle escape from him.

"…Crona?"

He slowly raised his head, showing the tears falling along his face. Without another word, Raven pulled Crona closer, gently wrapping him in a hug. She felt Crona's face on her shoulder, quietly sobbing while returning the hug.

"I'm sorry…I just…I got so scared when you didn't show up…I thought I was never going to see you again…"

Raven sighed, gently rubbing Crona's back. "I told you I was going to come back…"

"I know…but I thought…I thought that you changed your mind…that you wouldn't come back because of what happened…"

She felt Crona's hands grip her back a little tighter. "And I…I don't deserve to be your friend…I'm too selfish…even now, you're trying to make me feel better, when I should be trying to make _you_ feel better…"

Raven blinked at that in surprise. She pulled away slightly in order to get a better look at Crona's face. She sighed as he looked up at her, eyes still brimming with tears.

"Crona…you're not supposed to help your friend because you feel that you _have_ to. You do it because you _want_ to."

Crona sniffled. "But…but I do want to help you…"

"I know, and I really do appreciate that, Crona. But right now I'm more worried about you. We can talk about me in a minute, if you really want to. But right now, I want you to understand that I am your friend, no matter what anyone else says. Alright?"

Crona reached up, wiping his eyes, before giving a small nod.

"Good." Raven replied, giving him another smile. She then moved past him, walking over to her seat and sitting down. Crona followed her and sat in his, still rubbing his eyes.

"I'm sorry…" he whispered.

"It's OK, Crona. Really. I know you worry about that sort of thing." Raven replied. "I take it Ragnarok put that idea in your head?"

Crona nodded again, causing Raven to sigh in response.

"You know you can't believe everything he says."

"I know…but…"

"But the possibility alone was enough?"

Crona nodded again, which caused Raven to give another sigh.

"Crona, just because something bad _could_ happen, doesn't mean it _will_."

"I know…I can't help it, though…"

He then shook his head, turning to look at Raven.

"L-Let's not talk about me right now…what about you? How are you doing…?"

Raven sighed. _Good to know he's trying…_

"Well…I can safely say I've been better, that's for sure…"

"You look tired…"

Raven gave a weary smile. "That'd be because I am…I haven't got a lot of sleep lately…"

"Nightmares…?" Crona cautiously asked.

"…sometimes."

"What about…?"

"Well…sometimes it's my father coming back…through me or through someone else, he returns, and this time we can't beat him…but I've had nightmares like that before. Other times, it's stuff that happened to the other me…"

"Other you?"

"The comic version of me. Like…you know who Jericho is, right?"

Crona blinked. "That blonde person who can possess people…?"

"Yeah, him. I've barely talked to him…well, interacted I mean, he can't actually talk…but the comic version of me…there was…there was something between them…"

Raven sighed, reaching up and running a hand through her hair. "I don't have anything against Jericho, of course. He seems like a nice person and all…but…sometimes I dream about what happened to them happening to us…and he doesn't deserve that…"

Raven stopped when she saw Crona inching closer, arms moving to hug her.

"H-Hold on a second, Crona."

"Eh?" Crona froze in mid-movement.

"Look…you know how my powers work now, right?"

"Yeah…"

"So you can't just go hugging me at random. The surprise surge of emotions would upset my control over my powers, which wouldn't end well for either of us."

Crona gave a small "oh" of understanding, before moving back to his seat, looking down at his feet.

Raven sighed again, placing a hand on Crona's shoulder. "That doesn't mean "don't ever hug me again", Crona. I'd just like for you to let me know when you want a hug from now on, OK?"

Crona nodded. "OK…"

"Good."

She moved her hand away, still looking at Crona. _Any second now…_ she thought.

"S-So…"

"Yes?" she asked, her head tilted.

"M-May I…?"

Raven sighed. "Yes, you may, Crona."

Crona quietly turned and reached over, wrapping his arms around Raven's shoulders. She did the same to him, resting her head on his shoulder. The two simply remained there for a few moments, neither making any other movements or sounds. Afterwards, the two pulled apart, returning to their seats.

"Did th-that help…?" Crona asked.

"Yes, it did. Thank you, Crona."

Crona nodded, a small blush starting to come over his face. Raven smiled before continuing.

"But it isn't always nightmares that keep me up."

Crona looked up. "What do you mean…?"

"Usually I'm just lying awake in bed, thinking about everything I learned…not always on purpose, mind you, but…well, you know how sometimes you just can't fall asleep because your mind's on something?"

"Y-Yeah…"

"It's basically like that, but happens much more frequently…plus…I'm worried about Beast Boy."

"H-How is he…?"

"That's the problem, I'm not sure. We've barely talked since it happened…I mean, we check up on each other, and we talk during missions and all…but outside of that, not really."

Crona frowned, his hands wringing together nervously in his lap. He wanted to speak, but worried that he'd be saying the wrong thing. After a few seconds, he decided to try anyway.

"Um…R-Raven…?"

"Yes?" she asked.

"I…I still can't really give advice on this…but…"

He looked up at her, eyes showing his concern for her. "Don't do what I did. Don't wait for something to happen…you should talk to him about this as soon as possible."

Raven blinked in surprise as Crona's words, before giving him a reassuring smile.

"Don't worry, I will."

Crona gave a slight sigh, a small smile coming over his face.

_WHAM_!

"Yoho!"

The two of them looked up as The Greatest Space Pirate in the Universe™, Captain Subarashii, came marching down the stairs. He walked towards them, waving as he arrived at their seats.

"Hey."

The two gave their own "heys" in reply, Crona giving a small wave. Subarashii looked over at Raven.

"…how're you holding up, Rae?"

Raven sighed slightly. "Well…I'll manage, I supp-"

She stopped, suddenly coming to a realization. She then raised her hand towards Subarashii and made a flicking motion with her fingers. Black energy covered Subarashii's hat, causing it to lift up and float away from his head. He quickly reached up and grabbed it before it flew too far, though.

"What have I said about you calling me Rae?" Raven asked, exasperated.

Subarashii grinned as he placed the hat back on his head. "Just thought I'd see if you were paying attention."

Raven sighed, shaking her head as Subarashii took his seat.

"But seriously though, you doing alright?" Subarashii asked.

"For the most part. It's nothing to worry about, I'll be fine."

"Alright…"

Subarashii then gave Crona a slight nudge. "How about you, pal?"

Crona blinked, rubbing his shoulder. "Um…I'm OK…"

Subarashii smiled. "Good."

He then picked up his pile of letters, placing them on his lap. "And now that I know you two are OK, how about we go about screwing with your minds some more by making you interact with your fanbase?"

The two stared at Subarashii for a short while, both wondering if he was being completely serious. Raven's stare turned into a slight glare.

"Well, it's nice to know you have your priorities straight, Subarashii."

Subarashii grinned. "I aim to please."

Raven sighed as she opened her first letter.

_Why do you hate being called Rae?_

"Because it's a stupid cutesy nickname. It's not my real name and it just sounds wrong for me as well."

She held up a hand facing the others as she placed the letter aside. "And before you ask, Subarashii, the only reason I let Beast Boy call me that is because I've tried to get him to stop and he just refuses to. I just let him because I've given up on convincing him otherwise. That's all."

Subarashii grinned as Raven opened her next letter. "I wasn't going to suggest anything else. I don't know why you'd think otherwise."

"Oh brother…"

_how is beast boy?_

Raven sighed. "Good question…"

_if you had a death note would you go after any of these authors?_

"I'd be sorely tempted to if I didn't try to stick to my "no-killing" policy."

_what kind of music do you like_

"No real preferences."

Raven placed the letter aside and opened her next one.

_What's your favourite kind of candy?_

"Kit-Kats."

Subarashii blinked. "…not what I expected."

"I'm not sure I want to know what you _did_ expect."

_Out of the people you know, who would you be most afraid of while they're on a sugar high?_

Raven frowned, placing a hand under her chin and thinking. _Well, Beast Boy would probably be the worst…but then again, he's usually fairly hyper…same with Starfire…Cyborg had that weird virus that one time that was almost like a sugar high…which just leaves Robin._

Her eyes moved to look at the other two, who were patiently waiting for her answer. _…has Crona ever been on a sugar high?_ she wondered.

"…I have no clue."

_Would you rather be a telepath or have unlimited regenerative/healing powers?_

Raven sighed, placing the letter in her lap and interlocking her hands in front of her. "Now, this is a tough question. On the one hand, if I was a true telepath, I'd be able to find out if someone had a problem right away that I could actually solve. Of course, there are privacy issues that come with that, but overall, it'd be a useful power to have. On the other hand, having better healing powers would work if someone got seriously injured in a battle. I could even cure diseases if the powers let me. Basically, it boils down to helping with people's physical or psychological problems. And that's a harder choice for me to make than you would think."

Crona gave a sad frown. "Do all superheroes think about that sort of thing?"

"For a lot of us, no matter how many people we help, it's never enough."

_How's your aim with a gun?_

"Wouldn't know, I don't ever plan on using one."

She placed the letter with the others and opened her last one.

_What's the farthest-away place you've been from where you live now?_

"Well, technically, here, I guess."

_If you could meet any one person (from history or currently alive), who would it be?_

Subarashii grinned. "Oh, oh, let me guess! You'd just loooooove to meet one Mr. Johnny-"

"_RAVEN CHOP_!"

_What time do you get up?_

"Well, it's usually around 7-ish…but not so much lately…"

Crona frowned, reaching over and gently patting Raven on the shoulder.

_What are you reading currently?_

"This letter. Yeah, didn't think that one through, did you?"

_Can you close your eyes and raise your eyebrows?_

Raven placed the letter with the others and closed her eyes. A second later, her eyebrows rose.

"I fail to see what's so impressive about that." she quipped as she opened her eyes.

Crona tilted his head as he opened his first letter. "Some of these questions are pretty weird…"

"Considering the alternative, is that really a problem?"

Crona shuddered. "N-No…"

_Do you have a nickname?_

"Not really…unless "Demon Swordsman" and "Black Dragon" count…"

Subarashii sighed as Crona opened his next letter. "And I still say you need to flaunt those more. When you get titles like that, it only adds to your badass cred, and no offense, but you could really use some."

"I'm not exactly worried about that sort of thing, you know…"

_i have no annoying questions in this letter. this time i'm just here to tell you you're doing a great job i won't lie and tell you i know what youre going through with everything that has happened to you that would be wrong. i can't imagaine what it's like to have someone in your back like ragnarok then have to now deal with fan girls it sounds like on hell of a bad life._

"It's not exactly pleasant…but…thank you for caring…"

_people have said it before but i'll say it again. go after maka! you guys would make a cute couple. i'm rooting for you man._

Crona sputtered, quickly tossing the letter aside and opening his next one, his face bright red.

_Does it bother you to know that you are voiced by a woman in the anime series?_

"…only if it causes even more confusion in regards to my gender…"

He then looked behind him. "Ragnarok, there's a question for you…"

He waited a few seconds for an answer, then turned back to the letter when none came.

"I'll try and answer for him…"

_What is your most cherished memory?_

"He keeps telling me that he doesn't remember much of anything, so I don't think he'd have an answer…"

Subarashii tilted his head as Crona opened his next letter. "And why couldn't he just say that himself?"

"He's in a bad mood right now…"

"You mean more so than usual?"

"Yes, actually…"

_You're sweet._

Crona flushed again at the sudden compliment. "Uh…er…ah…"

_If you had one chance to change anything about your life so far, what would you change?_

"Well…it'd be nice if my first appearance wasn't so…well, I'd like it if it was different…"

_If you could have a different family, what would your dream parents be like?_

"…anything would've been better than what I had…"

Raven gently patted Crona's shoulder, rubbing it slightly in an attempt to comfort him.

_What's your opinion on book length? Is a longer story better, or would you rather go for shorter, intense story with a deeper plot?_

"W-Well…shorter stories can be good if you're just looking to get one story across…but it's not really good for establishing a large world or anything…on the other hand, longer stories are good for that, but they can get pretty tedious if they focus too much on details…"

Crona looked up at the screen, suddenly thinking of something.

"Unless you're talking about bad stories, in which case, shorter is definitely better…"

Subarashii chuckled. "Couldn't agree with you more, kiddo."

_Thoughts on cliffhangers?_

"I don't really mind them that much…except when people use them too much…or if they aren't followed up on…"

Raven shrugged as Crona opened his last letter. "I thought that just went without saying."

"It still happens a lot, though…"

"That just means the people who write these days don't have any common sense."

_When's the last time you ate a homegrown tomato?_

"…I don't think I've ever had one of those…"

_Do you believe in love at first sight?_

Crona flushed. "P-P-Pass…"

_Is there anything going on this weekend?_

"Not that I know of…"

_What do you do most when you are bored?_

"Not much…usually just wander around town…"

_What inspires you?_

Crona flushed again, placing the letter with the others and not answering.

Subarashii grinned, shaking his head as he opened his first letter. "Why do these people keep asking such obvious questions…?"

"It…it isn't _that_ obvious…"

"Yes it iiiiiiis."

_suburatii(probably mispelled)_

"Dude, we get it. You can't spell my name for shit. Let the joke die already."

_youre the last one how does that feel?_

Subarashii shrugged. "Eh, not that worried about it."

Raven blinked, a clear look of disbelief on her face. "…really?"

"Really. No point in me fretting about something that hasn't happened and won't happen for a while now."

_maybe you'll get lucky and not have a definate creater._

"…I fail to see how that'd be a good thing."

Crona frowned as Subarashii opened his next letter. "You're really not worried…?"

"Really, I'm not. I'll cross the bridge when I get to it. That's just how I do things."

_If you could travel back in time, where would you go and what would you do?_

"Hmm…"Captain Subarashii, the only man to ever kill a dinosaur"…now that's an accomplishment."

Raven sighed as Subarashii opened his next letter. "Well, nice to know you have no problems with screwing up the known timeline."

"It's comforting to know that you're right about me, isn't it?"

"Barely…"

_How attached to your ship are you?_

"As attached as any pirate captain is to their vessel. In that, if you hurt my ship, I hurt your family."

_Would you rather live in a frozen wasteland or one filled with volcanoes?_

"…the volcanoes one would at least be slightly habitable, so that, I guess."

_What do you consider your most effective weapon?_

"Besides my razor-sharp wit and incredible charm?"

Subarashii pulled out his gun, giving it a slight twirl before holding it up. "Ol' reliable here has gotten me out of more jams than I care to count."

_Would you watch reality TV willingly?_

"It is physically impossible for me to give a more emphatic "no"."

Subarashii tossed the letter aside, opening his last one.

_Have you ever won a trophy?_

"Unfortunately, they don't have a trophy for "being the one with the most awesome running through your veins", so, no."

Raven raised an eyebrow. "You never considered just stealing one?"

"…dammit!"

_Where were you on Valentine's day?_

"What, you think I'm going to tell you everything I did in a day? That'd take forever!"

_What do you think about the most?_

"Being awesome, of course."

Raven sighed. "Of course…"

_Do you sing in the shower?_

"In addition to everywhere else, yes."

_Can you touch your nose with your tongue?_

"…better question is, why would I want to?"

Raven sighed as Subarashii got to his feet. "Can you ever just admit that you can't do something?"

"Hey, I never said I couldn't do it!"

"Then why don't you?"

"…because I don't feel like it."

Raven groaned, one of her hands moving over her face. "For the love of Azar…"

Subarashii grinned, walking over to the table and picking up the envelope, opening it and reading the letter inside.

_I would like to start today by apologizing to you, Raven, for the events of last week. Furthermore, I should apologize for causing you all the stress that you've clearly had to deal with up until this point. I did not wish to do this to you, nor did I wish to leave such a lasting effect upon you. For that, I sincerely apologize._

_However, I will not lie to you and say that the worst is over. We are getting there, but there is still more of the same ahead for you. I am trying to think of a better way to go about doing this, but sadly, I can think of nothing. I realize that this will cause you more stress in the future, but I must ask you to bear with me until it's over._

_Now, onto today. This should be a short refuge in insanity, just something to get you folks back into the swing of things. It's a Harry Potter fanfic called "Harry Potter turns to the Lord", by one Saint Abraham._

_Best of luck._

Subarashii frowned, tossing the letter aside and returning to his seat. "Great, more Harry Potter. That's always a wealth of excellent fanfiction, isn't it?"

Raven gave a slight grumble, focusing more on the letter. _Yes, so nice of you to apologize, whoever you are. This changes nothing. I will find you. Count on it._

"Raven…?"

Raven looked over at Crona, who was staring at her with a clear look of concern on his face. She gave him a small smile.

"It's nothing. Let's just do this, OK?"

Crona frowned, but nodded, and before long, the lights dimmed, and the show began.

/

**-Harry Potter turns to the Lord-**

Subarashii: I swear, if this turns out to be another Lord of the Rings crossover that ends with Harry and Frodo killing themselves…

Raven: …you can't be serious.

**Another sleepless night for the world's most popular child wizard.**

Crona: When was this written, anyway?

Raven: It said 2009 at the top.

Crona: So the series should've been over?

Raven: Unless this person mentions that this takes place in a certain time period in the novels. Which I doubt.

**It's as if he were being haunted, he thought to himself. Haunted by innumerable faceless entities that thrive on his suffering that plague him and force him away from any slumber whatsoever.**

Subarashii: Dear God, his fangirls have invaded his dreams!

Crona: Th-That can't actually happen, right? He's just joking, right Raven? _Right_?

Raven: …

**It was driving the young English sorceror to his wits end, and he could not concentrate during class, a behaviour swiftly noticed by one of his primary instructors, Dumbledore.**

Subarashii: _Snape killed Dumbledore_!

Raven: …we know.

Subarashii: Yeah, but I just felt like saying it.

**"Mister Potter," his teacher quipped, inquisitively. "It has come to my attention that you are having difficulty concentrating in class."**

Subarashii: "Well, it might have to do with the fact that I shouldn't be in class anymore and should be out at my job as an Auror. And by the way, aren't you supposed to be dead?"

**"Rubbish," yawned Harry, teetering precariously where he stood.**

Raven: Wow, we've barely started and Harry's already figured out how this fic will turn out.

**"Sleep deprivation, perchance?" the instructor persisted.**

**Harry wearily acquiesced. "Yes, sir," he sighed, "Bad dreams."**

Subarashii: "Oooh, lookit me! I'm the author and I'm going to use big words to trick people into thinking how smart I am! I'm such a good writer!"

**"Odd," remarked Dumbledore. "Such an occurance seldom happens here at Hogwarts."**

Raven: …you mean, despite the fact that Harry having bad dreams was a major plot point of the fifth book? What with learning of his mental connection to Voldemort and all?

**"I recommend you take some time off from your studies, else this tiredness takes its toll on you academically. Is that understood, Mister Potter?"**

**"Yes. Thank you, sir."**

**Not that time off would do him any good. The nightmares were omnipresent, and would not relent, even in the daytime.**

Crona: …those seem more like psychotic delusions than nightmares…

**To clear his mind, Harry decided to take a broomstick flight outside of the Academy Grounds.**

Raven: Well, surely nothing can go wrong with that despite it not being allowed or anything…

**He rocketed over the eastern border and across the murky oceans, but, to utmost horror, his weariness affected his performance of flight, and the broomstick began to shudder violently as his control of it was hindered.**

**He began to plummet.**

**Incidentally, he was too tired to demonstrate fear and let the dull roar of the wind loll him into blissful submission, something he had gone without for almost seventy-two hours.**

**Within no time at all, he was consumed by the icy chill of the waters, and all went dark.**

Subarashii: Well, that a short one! Title doesn't really make much sense, but whatever! So, guess I'll-

**"Hello?" he heard a distant voice call to him. "Young man? Are you alright?"**

Subarashii: SON OF A-

**Harry reluctantly resumed consciousness, and found himself staring up at the concerned face of a man, presumably in his mid-thirties.**

Raven: "Reluctantly"? I wasn't aware Harry was suicidal…

Subarashii: Considering all the crap he's gone through, could you really blame him?

**As Harry was perceptive, he deduced that the man was a muggle, simply from his clothes.**

Crona: Isn't that a little prejudiced? Especially since they usually wind up wearing "Muggle clothes" in the movies…

**"Wh-where am I?" he murmured.**

**"Oh, thank the Lord you're okay!" chuckled the man, retreating slightly to give the young wizard his space.**

Raven: Gee, I wonder what religion this person follows…

**"I was worried you may have frozen out there, on the beach."**

**"Who are you?" whispered Harry, becoming more and more awake.**

**"My name is David," the man replied.**

Raven: And he just so happens to be named after a significant character from The Bible. Wow, what a subtle and clever writer!

**"I, uh - - I didn't want to believe it at first, but I couldn't help but notice you fell out of the sky. Might I ask how you got up there in the first place?"**

**"I was riding my broomstick," said Harry, matter-of-factly.**

Crona: …what happened to that whole "keeping magic a secret from Muggles" thing?

**"Broomstick, eh?" David muttered to himself. "Interesting."**

Crona: Wait, and he just shrugs it off like it's nothing? If someone told me that they flew in on a broomstick, I'd probably start running for the hills!

Raven: …that's not necessarily because of the shock, is it?

Crona: …no, not exactly…

**Harry sat upright and noticed he was wearing a casual attire of denim jeans and a cardigan.**

**"Where's my robe?" he cried.**

**"Drying by the fire," David replied. "I found some peculiar trinkets inside, you know. Really quite fascinating - - albeit evil."**

Subarashii: …oh _guh-reat_.

**"Evil?" scoffed Harry. "They're essential. A wizard is nothing without his tools, you see."**

**"A wizard, you say?" mused David. "I had the feeling that may have been the case. You're from that mysterious academy, aren't you?"**

Crona: …does no one care at all about making sure Muggles don't learn about magic?

**"How do you know about Hogwarts?" whispered Harry, tilting his head quizzically.**

**"Oh, I've met a young girl who used to be a student there."**

Crona: …that's all the explanation we're getting, isn't it?

Raven: Appears so.

**"What was her name?"**

**"Erm, Kate if I remember correctly. She was a highly decorated student there, top of her class she told me. Until one day she achieved a new level of magic, and that's when things started to go awry."**

**"What do you mean?" asked Harry.**

**"She started having dreams of a frightful nature," David remarked.**

**"Dreams?" wondered Harry aloud, relating the tale to his own situation.**

**"That's right," David continued, "Dreams of demons and creatures of the satanic variety. All of her teachers told her to pay no attention to them,but she had to find out why she was being haunted.**

Subarashii: Wait wait wait, time out. So, because she somehow got really good at magic, she started seeing demons? …I can't even think of anything clever to say to that, it's just too damn silly.

**So, she snuck away from the academy one night and wound up here, at my cottage. I showed her The Bible, you see..."**

Subarashii: I'd make a joke here about how that's a euphemism for something…but even I think that's pushing it a bit.

**"The Bible?" inquired Harry, dubiously.**

**"That's right," he replied,**

**"The Christian Bible. And, according to the Scriptures - - ooh, what was that verse? Ah, yes! Deuteronomy 18:10-12. Let no one be found among you who sacrifices his son or daughter in the fire, who practices divination or sorcery, interprets omens, engages in witchcraft, or casts spells, or who is a medium or spiritist or who consults the who does these things is detestable in the eyes of the Lord.**

Raven: That's not the whole quote, but whatever, we can still see where this is going.

**"So, don't you see, young man?" David finished.**

Crona: "You can quote a book. That's nice and all, but how does that help me with the dreams?"

**"What you are practicing is, day by day, devoting your life to the evil one."**

Subarashii: Of course it is! Because God forbid someone believe in something different than what you believe in! That'd just be crazy!

**"Impossible!" thundered Harry. "Are you suggesting that I have been deceived, and that it is actually the wizards and witches who are in the wrong?"**

**"You're sharp," remarked David, admirably.**

Raven: Which is a lot more than can be said for you.

**"I refuse to believe it. Regardless of the nightmares I am suffering, I will not lower myself to the level of a lowly muggle!"**

Crona: Why is Harry acting so prejudiced towards Muggles? Sure, his aunt and uncle weren't exactly great people, but he never carried a grudge against Muggles in general or anything.

Subarashii: I'm guessing it's so him eventually betraying the other wizards and turning to Christianity can be justified.

Raven: …have you been reading ahead?

Subarashii: It's in the freakin' title! It's not exactly hard to figure out!

**"So, you're having nightmares, too?"**

**Harry was silenced.**

**David strolled over to him, and lay the Bible beside him. "I've made you some hot chocolate," he smiled.**

**"Get your rest. We'll talk more about this later."**

**Harry remained at David's seaside cottage for a week, for the nightmares did not intrude his sleep when he stayed there, for reasons he could not comprehend.**

Raven: Sounds like some kind of magic to me…

Subarashii: Nope, it's all through faith in Christianity. Not magic at all. Because magic is eeeeeeeeevil!

**David taught him all about Christ, and the ultimate sacrifice He made for the people of the world. And the more Harry heard of it, the more he understood of his wizardry and its evils.**

Crona: …how? What part of his teachings told him that magic was evil?

Subarashii: Oh, you want an explanation? Too bad! The power of God doesn't require something as simple as an explanation! You're just supposed to blindly believe it!

**Finally, he conceded, the Bible made too much sense to ignore.**

Raven: "Not that I'm going to explain how, you're just supposed to accept it."

Subarashii: Now you're catching on!

**"David?" he asked one afternoon.**

**"Yes, Harry?" replied David, sipping his coffee and reading a newspaper.**

**"How do I become a Christian?"**

**"I was praying that you'd ask me that before you left," smiled David, proudly.**

Crona: …Christians don't really act like that, do they?

Raven: Not unless they're completely fanatical. Which would sum up this character fairly well.

**"Come, let me show you."**

**David advised Harry to pray a simple prayer, and that night, the confused and reluctant wizard knelt beside his bed and repeated the words softly.**

**"Lord," he began, "I come to you tonight to request your forgiveness, for I have so blindly devoted my life to the evils of the spirit world. I have given my very essence to the enemy of man, and taken joy in it as well. I am a sinner, Lord, and without your forgiveness, I am doomed to die and face the eternal trials of the netherworld, all because of my practicing of foul and wicked arts. Please, Lord. Please forgive me of my sins and welcome me into your loving kingdom. In your name I pray...Amen."**

Subarashii: Again, I fail to see how anyone's going to be surprised by this turn of events when it's _in the title_!

Crona: …so he just turns his back on everything he knows because some guy who saved him from a river said so and I should probably stop talking now because I'd be a hypocrite…

Raven: Big difference between your situation and his, Crona…

**Harry opened his eyes and noticed that tears were streaming from them.**

**For the first time in his life, he felt loved, and accepted, and...pure.**

Crona: He felt loved for the first time despite having friends, a girlfriend and future wife, and an eventual family of his own? Not to mention his large fanbase…though that might not be such a good example…

Subarashii: And let's not even go near that whole "purity" thing…

**He had been relieved of the wickedness that plagued him since the day he was born and he wept, both out of joy, and sorrow for all of his friends that remained blind to the real truth, indulging in the ultimate evil back at Hogwarts, convinced that their dark arts made them superior beings.**

Subarashii: Oh, the hypocrisy! You could go at it with a freakin' A-bomb and you would barely scratch it!

**He wept all night long because of this.**

Raven: Once the fact that someone may actually take this seriously sinks into my mind, I'll probably do the same.

**"David?" he asked the following morning, as he stood at the front door holding a backpack.**

**"Yes, Harry?" replied David.**

**"Will I ever be fully rid of the evils of my past?"**

**"The demons that you once embezzled will still try and recapture you, Harry," David admitted.**

**"But if God is for you, then who can be against you?**

Raven: People with common sense who don't blindly follow what some nutjob in the middle of nowhere tells them?

**Go, and spread the word. You have always been in a position of power, Harry Potter. Now it's time you used it for good."**

Subarashii: "Because it's not like you tried to inspire people to fight against Voldemort or anything! No, spreading the word on Christianity is far more important than actually saving people's lives!"

**Musing over the profound and genuine words of his life-altering friend, Harry turned and began to trek away, not knowing where he would go or what he would do.**

**But with the Lord Jesus Christ by his side, he knew that things were going to be okay.**

**-End-**

Crona: Except for all of those people who are going to die because he decides to not fight Voldemort anymore.

Subarashii: But at least they'll go to heaven when they die! Isn't that just _so_ much better?

/

The three gave a collective groan as the lights came back on. Subarashii looked over at the other two, a look of disdain on his face.

"Do we even need to say what was wrong with this one?"

Raven shook her head. "I think we pretty much covered the sheer absurdity of the situation fairly well. Plus we'd probably just spark that whole "Harry Potter promotes evil magic" problem again that just can't seem to go away, despite the series being over."

Crona frowned, looking back and forth between the two.

"…that isn't how most Christians really are…is it?"

Raven blinked in surprise. _I guess Maka never really brought up religion to him…then again, do people in Crona's world really worship much of anything?_

"No, Crona, that isn't how most Christians act." she explained. "That's just how the truly fanatical ones act. But those aren't exclusive to Christianity. There are fanatics of every religion, who will try and tell others that their way is right over everyone else's. They have no problem crossing various lines to prove their points, and wind up doing more damage than help to the people who follow their beliefs in a more peaceful manner. No matter who will try and tell you otherwise, stupidity is universal."

Subarashii nodded, getting to his feet and stretching. "In short, you should believe whatever you want to believe, and if people tell you otherwise, tell them to go fuck themselves."

"Would that be why you unabashedly believe in Pirate Jesus?" Raven queried, eyebrow raised.

"Hey, you can't deny that that's an awesome deity to believe in." Subarashii replied, pointing at Raven.

He then turned and headed for the stairs. "And on that philosophical note, I'm outta here. Ciao, kiddies."

The other two said their goodbyes as Subarashii ascended the stairs and headed out the twin doors at the top.

Crona was about to get to his feet and leave as well, but Raven stopped him by putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Wait a second please, Crona."

Crona blinked. "W-What is it?"

"Hold out your hand."

"…why?"

"Because I have a present for you."

Crona's eyes widened in surprise. _A present…? But why? What's the reason?_

Rather than voice these questions, he decided to obey Raven's request, quietly holding out his hand, palm up. He watched as Raven reached into her cloak and pull out an object, placing it in his hand. Once Raven moved her hand away, Crona gave a small gasp.

He shouldn't have recognized the palm-sized yellow-and-black disc. He shouldn't have known what the giant T on the front meant. But he did.

"This…this is…"

"A Titans communicator." Raven answered. "I'm not really supposed to just hand these out…but with the way Robin tosses them around, I doubt he'd have too much of a problem."

Crona looked up at Raven, eyes still wide in shock.

"Raven…you don't…you're not asking me to…"

Raven blinked, suddenly realizing what Crona meant. "Oh! No, no, that's not it! I'm not asking you to become a Titan, Crona. I don't even know if you could visit my world right now, much less join our team."

She then pointed at the communicator. "I had Cyborg modify this one a bit. It's specially designed to only contact with my communicator, so you won't have to worry about accidentally calling one of the others."

Crona tilted his head, now completely confused. "But…why?"

Raven sighed. "Crona…I know you have Maka for when something's bothering you, but…she may not always be around, or you might have a problem she can't solve, or shouldn't know about…I just thought that it'd be nice for you to have someone else to talk to."

Crona stared at Raven, processing what she just told him. Raven smiled, gently patting his hand.

"What I'm trying to say is, if you ever need to talk to me about something, just give me a call. If I'm not in the middle of a mission or anything, I'll gladly listen to you. OK?"

Crona eyes travelled down to the communicator. His hand reflexively gripped it tighter, and he slowly brought it to his chest. After a few seconds, he nodded and replied with "OK…"

Raven nodded as well, then got to her feet, giving him another pat on the shoulder.

"I'll see you next time, Crona."

She started to walk past him, but stopped when Crona turned and called out to her.

"S-Same for you, OK…?"

She turned and looked back at him. "Huh?"

"If…I mean…if you wanted to talk to someone…I'd be willing to listen…"

Raven blinked in surprise, not expecting Crona to make that offer so soon. She then smiled and nodded in response.

"Thank you Crona. I'll keep that in mind."

Crona nodded as well, and waved at her as she ascended the stairs and left the theater.

He looked down at the communicator, his fingers running along it, feeling every part of it. He gave a small smile, realizing that this was proof that Raven was, in fact, his friend.

He concluded, as he brought the device to his chest again, that making a friend was definitely something he could deal with.

/

OK, I'll freely admit I got a bit cheesy with the ending there, but all in all, it's good to see them getting closer, isn't it?

At any rate, if you want some extra reading, I started providing author's commentary on the fic on my DA page in place of putting the chapters themselves up there. Check my profile page to see for yourself.

As always, I'll accept more suggestions and fanmail!

See you again in a few!


	18. Story 12: What Is It Good For?

Aaaaaaalrighty then, we're gonna try something a little different today.

I have a bunch of very short fics left over that I can't devote to reviews on their own, so I decided to just cluster them together and do them all at once.

I have a distinct feeling this could backfire.

WORLD WAR II comes recommended by Zoomatron. The Kiss of Death is recommended by The Magic Popsicle. The rest are from some unnamed guy, but I think he's the same one who suggested that Inuyasha fanfic a while back. Woo. Anyway, as usual, agree or disagree it was their ideas.

Let's get started.

/

It was times like these that Raven seriously wondered about her career choice.

Not that she hated being a superhero. After all, she got free room and board, enough funding from the government to provide for herself and her friends, and it felt good to actually make a difference. Of course, like any other job, there were downsides. In particular the last week, which had been one of the most hectic she'd had since the Brotherhood of Evil's first appearance.

It didn't help that her sleep issues hadn't gone away yet. Nor had she gotten the chance to solve the problem hovering above her head.

And now she had to go back to the theater, once again.

She sighed as she pushed the twin doors open, heading down the stairs and trying to keep her eyes open. She reached up and rubbed her tired eyes as she moved further down, stopping when she saw what was waiting for her.

She frowned as she watched Crona walk back and forth in front of the seats, wringing his hands together nervously while doing so. He only came to a stop when he happened to see Raven standing on the stairs, and he jumped slightly in surprise when he did so.

"R-Raven!"

Raven sighed, giving Crona a tired smile.

"Hello Crona."

She walked down the steps and over to her seat, slowly sitting down while Crona took his. Raven leaned back in her seat and sighed, closing her eyes.

"A-Are you OK…?" Crona asked. "You don't look so good…"

Raven opened her eyes and turned to look at Crona.

"Long week."

"W-What do you mean…?"

Raven sighed, holding up a hand and counting off her fingers.

"Let's see…first Mad Mod showed up again to try and take over the country, and somehow Beast Boy got hypnotized into thinking he was John Cleese…then there was Mother Mae-Eye again doing something involving the Greek Pantheon, which made no sense at all for her and we only managed to find out that it was actually the goddess Apate in disguise thanks to Wonder Girl helping out…"

Raven gave a small smile at Crona's confused expression.

"Yeah, that's pretty much how we felt. Then we found some freak calling himself Brother Blood, but it was a completely different person and that only made me worried considering what I now know…and after that, we ran into someone called The Ravager, which was made worse by the fact that Jericho was with us and I'm the only one who's figured out the truth about Ravager…"

She gave another sigh, rubbing her eyes while doing so.

"And to top it all off, no, I haven't had the chance to talk to Beast Boy yet."

Crona frowned, rubbing his arm out of habit.

"D-Do all superheroes have to go through this…?"

"Well, we are the ones saving the world and all…" Raven replied. "It just seems like the villains are purposely being more active this week."

She then sat back up, a frown coming over her face.

"And…to be honest…I think Beast Boy's avoiding me…"

Crona blinked in surprise. "Are you sure…?"

"Pretty sure…actually, he hasn't really interacted with anyone lately. He just goes out for missions with us and then spends most of his time by himself…the others are getting worried, and since I can't tell them what's really wrong…"

"…they don't think-"

"They haven't said anything like that, but…"

Crona frowned, looking away while still rubbing his arm. He wished he could understand what Raven was going through, but he'd never experienced that kind of awkwardness before. After all, he'd always been alone, the only other person he'd actually lived with being Medusa. Granted, there was Ragnarok, but they were always together. To live with people outside of family, and to have them suspect that you did something with one of them…

…_maybe it's a good thing I don't understand that…_ Crona thought.

Still, that left him unsure of how to help her out. There was one method that seemed to work consistently, but would it be enough this time?

"U-Um…w-would it help if…" Crona stuttered.

Raven tilted her head, wondering for a moment why Crona's face was slowly getting redder. It soon dawned on her, and she gave him a small smile.

"It might."

Crona slowly edged closer to Raven, before reaching over and gingerly wrapping his arms around her shoulders. Raven leaned forward, doing the same to Crona and gently resting her head on his shoulder.

She would never admit something like this aloud, but Raven did enjoy being hugged. The simple problem was that it tended to affect her emotions a bit, so she couldn't for very long. Still, Crona usually seemed eager to do so, for whatever reasons he had, and she saw no issues with obliging him.

This time, though, just as Raven was about to move back and indicate that they should stop, she felt a strange sensation. She blinked in surprise as she felt Crona's hand slowly move up and down her back, in some attempt to give her comfort.

_I have to admit, he's getting better at this…_ she thought. And while she appreciated the intent behind the movement, the movement itself wasn't something she was prepared for. Hence why she chose then to slowly pull away from Crona and sit back in her seat.

Crona blinked, worry easily evident on his face. "D-Did I do something wrong?"

Raven shook her head. "No…you just caught me off guard, that's all…"

Crona wasn't entirely sure Raven was telling the whole truth, considering the slight blush he could see on her face.

_WHAM_!

"Yoho!"

He was brought out of his thoughts by the expected arrival of the self-proclaimed Greatest Space Pirate in the Universe™, Captain Subarashii. Said captain sauntered down the stairs before promptly flopping in his seat beside Crona.

"Whoo! It is rough being awesome!"

Crona tilted his head. "Is everything OK…?"

"Oh, yeah. Just got back from a huge fight with three of the top officers of the space marines, after I pillaged a few villages on a planet that just _happened_ to be the one where the solar system's government was having a peace meeting. Really, how was I supposed to know that?"

Crona turned to look at Raven, who simply sighed and rubbed her forehead in response.

"Do you honestly expect us to believe everything you tell us, Subarashii?"

"Hey, you don't get to talk about unbelievable, Miss Superheroine."

"…but I am a superhero. You know I am."

"And that makes my stories suddenly unbelievable, how?"

Rather than let the two of them get into another argument, Crona decided it would be best to just get moving, and promptly opened his first fanmail letter.

_This is going to sound stupider then it does in my head_

"Of that, I have no doubt." Raven quipped.

_but if Black Blood can take many forms then why not have it take the form of a tank? Granted it took take all of your blood and it would only form a thin layer but you could just fire Screech attacks from the cannon. Chapter's 4 and 5 would have been much shorter then if instead of Soul being doomed to constantly be haunted by the black blood he would just have his guts staining Maka's body if she wasn't destroyed along with him?_

"…I'd probably scream or something at that if it wasn't one of the most unlikely scenarios I've ever heard…"

_But that would kind of kill the MakaxCrona pairing and you might not be able to actually do it._

Raven sighed as Crona's head met his tray with a resounding _thud_, giving off a moan that was equal parts embarrassment and frustration.

"Honestly, Subarashii is more subtle than these people…"

"You can say that aga-_hey_!"

_Why I ask? Because I'm a sick person._

Subarashii snatched the letter out of Crona's hands, holding it up in the air. "Apparently, Captain Obvious has gone full psycho."

He then casually tossed the letter up, before whipping out his gun and firing one shot, the red laser piercing the center of the paper. The group watched the paper lazily fall to the ground in front of them, still smoking slightly from the shot.

"…could you keep that out, just in case?" Crona asked as he opened his next letter.

"Was planning on it anyway."

_Have you ever seen a shooting star?_

"No…those are supposed to be really rare…"

Subarashii shrugged as Crona opened his next letter. "Honestly, those are overrated if you ask me. Oooh, someone moved across the night sky. Whoopdy-doo."

Raven shook her head. "You live in space, your opinion on the matter is invalid."

_Ever been in an airplane?_

"…well, we did have to use one to go to New Zealand for that one mission…which was not fun at all."

Subarashii tilted his head. "The mission or the trip?"

"Yes."

_Whats your favorite pastry?_

"I don't each much pastry…though there was that one time Maka made me cherry pie…"

Subarashii opened his mouth to speak, but stopped, shaking his head.

"Never mind, I already made that joke once."

Crona simply blinked in confusion as he opened his last letter.

_Ever won over Ragnarok?_

"…what do you mean by "won over"?"

Crona then looked over his shoulder. "Ragnarok, there's one for you."

He waited a few minutes for a response, then sighed when he didn't get one.

"I'll try and answer for him…"

_Who the hell pissed in your cheerios?_

Crona sighed, tossing the letter aside. "Never mind…"

Subarashii frowned while Raven opened her first letter. "No, hang on, it's a valid question! Especially right now, what the hell is his problem, anyway?"

"It's a long story involving ponies and a toy store…" Crona replied.

"…wait, you're a brony?"

"Is that what they're-Raven, are you OK?"

Subarashii looked up to notice Raven holding one of her letters in her hands, shaking rapidly while her head was lowered.

"…is it that bad?" Subarashii asked.

"N-No…but can we please not talk about…the ponies…?"

Both Crona and Subarashii looked at one another in confusion while Raven began reading.

_I'm just going to come out and say it. What is with the gem on your forehead? Has no one tried to ask you about that or try and steal it?_

"It's a sacred jewel of Azarath that is implanted on a child at birth, indicating that he or she is destined to hold great power, and must be trained by the monks of Azarath to be ready to harness such power, and fulfill their final destiny."

Raven placed the letter aside and opened her next one, trying her best to ignore both Crona's look of mild awe and Subarashii's look of obvious skepticism.

"…really?" Subarashii asked.

"It's possible. It's also possible that I just made the whole thing up to annoy this person because I have the strangest impression that I shouldn't like him."

_Would you ever consider growing your hair out?_

"Already did, against my will. And as I've said, it's a huge pain to take care of so I'd rather not do it again. Besides, I like my hair short."

She placed the letter aside and opened the next one.

_Has Beast Boy ever convinced you to play video games with him?_

"Unfortunately, yes. Which is annoying, since it'll be a fighting game one time, and after I've taken enough time to learn the controls, the next time it'll be a racing game, or something."

_Do you get fanmail from citizens of Jump City?_

"…I've got a few letters, yes. And no, Subarashii, I won't tell you what they said."

"Please, if I wanted to hear about the umpteen marriage proposals you got, I'd ask."

"Oh, shut up."

_What's one of your pet peeves?_

"Invasion of privacy."

Subarashii rolled his eyes as Raven opened her last letter. "And you say I'm not subtle…"

"Please refer to my last response to a statement you made."

_Do you believe all fangirls/boys are bad? Because there are some fans out there who have written amazing fanfictions, and don't mess up the fandoms._

"Of course I don't think _all_ of them are bad. We've been lucky enough to see that for ourselves. …it's just that, since we're supposed to be dealing with the bad, I just appear to be more jaded towards fans in general."

Subarashii grinned as he opened his letter. "Would I be out of line in asking if you framed that one letter you got?"

"_Very_."

_You're all taking the realisation of not being real very well. I mean if I found out that all of my actions were irrelevant, that everything I know is false and that all of my pain may have only been done for 'drama' while being unable to tell anyone I would have gone insane. How do you do it?_

Without looking to see Crona's and Raven's reactions, Subarashii tossed the letter up and fired another shot, watching the smoking letter fall to the ground on top of the first.

"…now then, I can't speak for my colleagues here, but I do have a theory that might help." Subarashii began. "Regardless of whether or not our creators controlled our every action or made every choice for us, do you really think they planned for us to come here? The legal issues alone just for us to meet would be astonishing."

He shrugged as he opened his next letter. "Just some food for thought."

_Do you believe in ghosts?_

"…I'm hanging out with two teenagers, one who's a half-demon superheroine, and the other who wears a dress-"

"Robe." Crona interrupted.

"…and has some weird black thing living in his blood. I think I can extend my beliefs to include ghosts."

He tossed the letter aside and opened his next one.

_Can you cook?_

"…of course I can!"

Raven sighed. "Just admit that you can't do something. Just do it once. Once won't kill you."

"Shutuppayourfuckingface."

_Did you go to school on Earth?_

"Nope, I was educated by the finest minds a pirate could find, and by that I mean we kidnapped the biggest eggheads of the galaxy and forced them to play teacher."

_What's your favorite planet?_

"They're all a bunch of rocks floating in eternal emptiness to me."

Raven raised an eyebrow as Subarashii opened his last letter. "How is it you can be positive one minute and negative the next?"

"'Cause I'm a schizophrenic ion, that's why."

_Someone spray paints your ship pink, what do you do?_

"I give it black highlights and roll with it. Until I find the guilty party and repaint it with the blood of them and their entire family."

He tossed the letter aside, then looked at the pile with a small frown on his face.

"Is it my imagination, or do we have fewer letters than before?"

Crona gave a small shudder. "That's not necessarily a bad thing…"

"For you, maybe. But I'd like a little feedback in regards to whether or not people realize that I am the most epic thing to have blessed the universe."

Raven rolled her eyes as she used her powers to bring over the envelope from the table. "Oh yes, like we need people to enlarge your ego even more than it already is."

"Don't be hatin' just because I kick more ass than you do."

Raven shook her head in frustration as she opened the envelope and read its contents.

_I'm afraid you have caught me in a rather embarrassing situation. Rather than having one story for you to go over, I have a number that can't be devoted to one full session, for whatever reason._

_So I've decided to take these much shorter stories and have you review all of them today. You should be able to breeze through most of them in just a few minutes, so I won't be keeping you for very long, hopefully._

_The list of stories can be found on the back._

_Enjoy._

Raven frowned as she turned the letter over, scanning the list of names. "How is providing _more_ work for us embarrassing for him?"

Subarashii shrugged. "I'm just surprised you're questioning it. I thought you hated this guy."

"If I'm going to revel in his misery, I'd like to know why."

"…fair enough."

With that, the lights darkened, and the first of many shows began.

/

Raven: The first one is called WORLD WAR II, by someone named wonderouswaffle.

Subarashii: …a historical fanfic?

Crona: People actually write those…?

Raven: And inevitably screw up, yes.

**AN: I LEARNED ABOUT TEEDY IN HISTORY CLAS TODAY**

Crona: Teedy…?

Subarashii: Since when do they teach anything about banks in history class?

Raven: …you're really reaching for that one.

**AND SO I MADE HISTORY BETER WITH MORE ACTION AND WOMEN AND GOSDZILLAS.**

Subarashii: …oh, you are going to be _fun_, aren't you?

**I THINK I DID GOOD ENUF THAT I DODN'T WRIT HAVE TO WITH AN EDITRE.**

Raven: …way, way too obvious, Mr. Troll.

**THANK YOU IF YOU WILL LEAVE HAPPY COMMNETS I LOVE YOU.**

Crona: But you don't even know me! I don't know how to deal with people I don't know not loving me!

Subarashii: …making up for lost time?

Crona: Well, it is true…

**ALSO I DID THIS WTH THE AUTO-CORRECT ON IN MICSOFT WORD (I JUST BOUGHT IT! IT IS MUCH BETER THAN NOTPEAD!) I THINK THAT WOULD HELP WHAT DO ALL OF THE SKWIGGLIES UNDER THE TEXT MEAN?**

Raven: *facepalm* Not even trying to be subtle, are you?

**THE QUESTS OF TEEDY ROOSVELT AND WORLD WAR TO.**

Subarashii: Teddy Roosevelt in World War II?

Raven: That sounds like something Beast Boy would write after an all-night breakfast cereal binge.

**Once upon a time in the 1700's teddy Roosevelt took is weapon and aimed it at hitler's face.**

Crona: …I'm not a history expert, but I don't think Hitler was alive in the 1700's…

Subarashii: He's immortal! I knew it!

**"It is time ti doe, evil hitler!" he said with a mean face**

Crona: Why bother turning Hitler into a female deer? …_how_ would you do that, anyway?

**"NO IT IS YOUR TIME TED." Hither said abck with an angry face looking down.**

**Hitler was in his tank, gazing down like an old crazy moon bat.**

Raven: …"old crazy moon bat"?

Crona: In other words, he was like my mother?

Subarashii: *snerk* Good one, kid.

**"YOU WERE EPECTING THAT I WOULD NOT HAVE A TANK BUYT I HAVE A TANK AND SO I WILL SHOT YOU."**

Subarashii: "Even though you can clearly see that for yourself, but I'm going to tell you anyway because you can't do jack shit about it because it's a fucking tank."

**He asid and made the man cannon go off with a boom.**

**BOOOM.**

Raven: …well that was anticlimactic.

**TWELVER MONTHS LATER.**

Raven: Figures…

Crona: "Twelver"? So…are they more than twelve? Are they a more important twelve?

**Cyborg Teddy was in a white hosue,**

Raven: _What_.

Subarashii; Holy fuck, this just got awesome.

**typing on his typriter his plan to kill the evil hitler so the wourld would be happy agan with sunshines.**

Subarashii: *bursts out laughing*

Crona: "Sunshines"? Plural? Wouldn't that mean that they have more than one sun? Isn't that dangerous?

Raven: You shouldn't be putting that much thought into this…

**His plan was a prillinat plan indeed**

**1 go intg oermany**

**2 punch hitler in his evil fase**

**3 return home to his wiafe in home for thangsgiving**

**4 contino too be the best president**

Subarashii: *claps* Perfect! Infallible! Excellent! Shine on, you crazy robotic genius, you!

**He just finished off hias plans when there was a nock at his door… it was…. NAZI JAPNESE!**

Crona: …the entire Japanese Nazi regime entered his office?

**The general of the japnese was squinting at teedy as he sad: "WE HAVE TEKEN OVER YOUR MONUMENTS IT SI ALL OVER YOU!"**

Crona: What's all over him? The monuments? I thought he was a cyborg, not a giant robot…

Raven: Please don't give this person ideas…

**and teddy wass sad but he wasn't sad forever**

Raven: Oh, thank Azar for that…

**because then he remembird the secret from his youth. "I"VE PLANED AHEAD EVEL JAPS!"**

Raven: Oh, _that_ was necessary…

**his eyes glowed as he began to summon,,, GODZILLA, THE NATRUAL ENEMY FO THE JAPANESE!**

Subarashii: FUCK YES! *singing* Ohhhhhhh no! They say he's got to go! Go go Godzilla!

**He smirked as he taped a rockit loncher to the big lizard's noggin that he found.**

Raven: Why would you even need to do that? He's has nuclear breath and is pretty much indestructible! Why even bother with-

Subarashii: Shut up, your logic is drowning out the awesome!

**Then after hi did that the gears in his head were terning because he was prefectioning his finnal attack, zilla-merge!**

Raven: Again, _what_.

**Godzilla grew moustache and a texas hat and glasses and also a whole in his hat where for the rokit lancher could trhow its giant bullets at the beastly army in front of them and lots of metal parts because he was a cyborg and he merged with godzilla.**

Subarashii: …ladies and gentlemen, the Holy Shit Quotient just went off the charts!

*TVTropes references: 40*

**He began to charge a nuclear blast and then fired it out of his mouse.**

Crona: Mouse? What mouse? When did a mouse enter the picture? What does any of this have to do with a mouse?

**Then he flew over and stomped on jermany and he won the war and everyone was happy and they all accepted Teddyzilla Godsevelt for what he was.**

Crona: …he needed to be accepted?

Raven: He's a giant cyborg lizard president. I think there would be a few acceptance issues.

Subarashii: You basically just said why there _shouldn't_ be any acceptance issues.

**THE END?**

Crona: Oh no…

All: SEQUEL HOOK!

/

Raven: The next one is a Soul Eater fanfic called "The Kiss of Death" by gothgrrl14.

Subarashii: Wait a minute, I thought you were taking care of Soul Eater fics from now on, Crona?

Crona: Maybe The Host couldn't find enough ones to cluster together like this…?

**One day kid the death dude was shooting stuff with his bitches.**

Crona: Don't talk about Liz and Patty like that!

**He killed a lot of them and bad people.**

Subarashii: …wait, he killed his so-called "bitches" too?

Crona: Don't start referring to my friends like that.

**But then...stein came!**

Subarashii: AGH! Dude, completely unnecessary-

*RAVEN CHOP!*

**"WTF R U DING HERE STIEN" said death note.**

Raven: …OK, apparently a talking Death Note took the place of your friend, Crona.

**"I am here to kidnap you and make pragnent with my babby!" stain shooted!**

Subarashii: …wait, what?

Crona: I…you…how…what…it…bluh?

**Then a skeleton popped out!**

Crona: How? Where? Why? _What is going on_?

Subarashii: …wait, that's it?

Raven: Apparently.

Crona: It just ends there? But…it…_WHY_? Why was there a skeleton? Why did Professor Stein show up? How could he even get Kid pregnant? _Why_ would he get Kid pregnant? _What did I just read_?

/

Raven: Next we have a 300 fanfic called "1wisdom" by henticotaku.

Subarashii: Hey, if it involves needless bloodshed and gore, it can't be all bad.

**I-Wisdom Scandal**

**Eto na talaga!**

Crona: …huh?

Subarashii: Basically…what? What's supposedly so basic?

**Chapter 1: Clarisse and Matthew**

Raven: …I don't remember either of those names from 300.

Crona: Oh _no_, it never ends!

**Kriiiiing!**

**Kriiiiing!**

***Yawn**

**Morning Already? Better get up now than be late for the first day of school!**

Subarashii: …that doesn't sound right.

Raven: No, really?

**(Clarisse-a simple girl with simple dreams but a little bit clumsy.)**

Subarashii: And a future victim of a deranged cannibal. Which would be a hell of a lot more interesting than what this is going to turn into.

**Good morning dad!**

**'Morning sweety!**

**Hurry up or you'll be late for school!**

**Good Morning Clarisse! Greeted Krisella and Anna, Clarisse's friends.**

Crona: …quotation marks? Where'd you go?

**Good morning! Answered Clarisse.**

**It's the first day of school again, I wonder if we'll have new classmates.**

**Let's just see when we get there.**

**I hate school. It's so boring. Matthew complained to his friend, Luis.**

Raven: Obvious question here: What does any of this have to do with 300?

**I just wish this day would be over soon.**

**Don't you Matthew?**

**Yeah, sure. Answered Matthew.**

Crona: Wait, wasn't Matthew the one talking there?

Raven: Who knows, who cares? I'm still wondering what any of this has to do with 300.

Subarashii: Definitely not alone there.

**Good Morning everyone! Clarisse greeted all her classmates.**

**Good morning! Her classmates answered back.**

Subarashii: Geez, imagine the planning it must've taken to get them all to respond in unison.

**Matthew stood up and tripped Clarisse 's foot.**

**Kyaaaah! Shouted Clarisse.**

**Clarisse fell down on top of Matthew. They looked through each other's eyes.**

Raven: Why do they both have X-ray vision? And why bother looking through the other's eyes? What do they expect to see?

**All of their classmates were shocked because Matthew was the hottest guy in the whole class. =).**

Raven: Earth-shattering shock there…

**Get off of me mangoes! Matthew growled at Clarisse.**

Crona: …was that supposed to be an insult?

Subarashii: *shrug*

**Mangoes? You…you saw my…aaargh! Pervert!**

Subarashii: Ohhhhhhh.

Crona: *blush*

**I'm not a pervert. You let me see it.**

**I'll never let anyone see my panty. Especially a pervert like you!**

**Idiot! If you were careful, you wouldn't fall.**

**You tripped me!**

**No, I didn't. You tripped yourself.**

Crona: How exactly do you "trip yourself"? And considering he blatantly stood up and tripped her, does he really expect her to believe that?

**Aaaaargh! I hate you Matthew!**

**Whatever, Mangoes!**

Raven: Well, they're clearly in love…

_**To be continued**_**…. (ayos ba?)**

Subarashii: You know, I never thought I'd say this aloud with two minors present, but could you bring back the oiled-up muscly guys wearing Spartan armor?

Others: …

Subarashii: And that is why I didn't want to say it aloud.

Raven: Maybe if you worded it differently…

Subarashii: This was funnier.

/

Raven: Next we have a Sleepy Hollow fic called "Ichabod Crane" by JDLuvaSQEE.

Crona: Well, at least she got a character's name right…

**Ichabod Crane**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Sleepy Hollow or Constable Ichabod Crane.**

Subarashii: What, not going to follow that up with "but I wish I did"?

**A/N: A poem describing Constable Ichabod Crane (SQEE!).**

Crona: What does skiing have to do with this?

Raven: She probably meant "squee"…

Subarashii: Which only makes me more surprised that she didn't add "but I wish I did".

**He has pale satin soft skin and the scent of sweet cinnamon pumpkin.**

**He has short soft raven black hair that is slightly wavy and strong shoulders.**

**He has dark chestnut brown eyes that glisten in soft candlelight and sparkle in the moonlight.**

**He has a soft and sweet smile that makes his handsome face glow.**

**He has lips that are as soft as rose petals and taste like sweet honeysuckle and spiced pumpkin.**

**Ichabod Crane: The Most Gorgeous Constable in all of New York.**

Subarashii: …Dr. Raven, your diagnosis?

Raven: Points for at least attempting to be descriptive, but the descriptions themselves are terribly generic. There's no real rhyming scheme or setting to the structure, and there's no hidden message to it at all. She may as well have written "I fantasize about Ichabod Crane" six times for all the good it did. Utter failure.

/

Raven: This is apparently a Spawn fic, but it's clearly a crossover titled "Spawn and Spider-Man team up", by The Scorcher.

Subarashii: Great, another crossover that isn't labeled as such. Haven't had one of those in a while…

**Spawn was silently sitting on top of the church with his cape blowing in the night sky.**

Subarashii: As is required of one with a Badass Cape.

*TVTropes references: 41*

**Spawn saw a costumed figure speed past he glowing green eyes. Spawn quickly chased the figure and tackled him.**

Crona: …why?

Raven: For the required superhero fight, obviously.

**"What do you wan outsider!" Spawn growled**

Raven: Can we confirm whether or not Spider-Man is an outsider? Considering we have no idea where they are?

Crona: And why is Spawn making the Japanese sound for a dog barking?

**"I am just your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man" the man said**

Crona: "That's my nickname, by the way. Did you know that?"

**"...answer my question Spider-Man.."**

Subarashii: Hey, you're the one who tackled him for no reason. I think he's entitled to the questions here.

**Spider Man Kicked Spawn in chest knocking Spawn off him. Spider-Man began web slinging away. Spawn was angered and chains at spider man stopping spider man.**

Crona: "Chains at him"? …how do you even…

**Spawn then jumped and picked up Spider Man and asked who he was chasing. Spider Man did not respond and kicked punched spawn in the face.**

Subarashii: Not exactly the easiest maneuver to pull off.

**Spawn was angered and shape shifted his cape into an axe and swung it at Spider Man. Spider Man had a giant cut on his chest Spawn then punched Spider Man in the face. Spider Man was very weakened.**

Raven: Uh, considering you just cut his chest open, I would think he'd be pretty weak!

**Spawn then took a pistol from his belt and aimed at Spider Man.**

Crona: Wait, Spawn uses guns?

Raven: He's an anti-hero created in the late 90s. This shouldn't be a surprise.

**"Stop..please this strange creature is..."**

**Spawn ran over and Spider Man fell to the ground. Spawn ran over and looked at the wounded body of Spider Man. Spawn knew he was not dead.**

Subarashii: "It's just a flesh wound!"

**"Stop him quick he is...going to destroy earths inhabitants"**

Subarashii: Lot of ground to cover. Better pick up the pace if he plans on succeeding.

**Spider Man found the will to get up and began swing from building to building.**

Raven: Because who cares about blood loss or shock, right?

**Spawn followed him. Spawn then saw the creature it had scaley skin, yellow eyes, town horns similar to a rams and giant teeth. Next to the creature was Violator and Venom both fighters nemeses. Spawn took out a large machine guns and fired and the creature.**

Crona: …why would a supernatural hellspawn need More Dakka anyway?

*TVTropes references: 42*

Subarashii: _Hey_!

Raven: 90s anti-hero, remember?

**The bullets and ricocheted off the creature's scales . Venom leaped on Spawn with his tongue hanging out of his mouth. Venom slashed Spawn several times. Ectoplasm was oozing out of Spawn and plasm dripped and stone cold floor. The fray was insane all the civilians were scared stiff every one in the city family and ran to a car and drove off.**

Crona: …so, everyone in the entire city knew this fight was going on and evacuated?

Raven: Small city, I guess.

**The battle was insane building where knocked down streets burned.**

Raven: You already established that this battle was "insane", thank you.

Crona: …how do you knock down a street, anyway?

**Sky was filled with fire a brim stone.**

**Violator knocked Spider-Man and Spawn over in one large slash. Spawn shot Violator knocking him over Violator was too weakened to fight so he fled. The large strange demon was angered and breathed fire all over the place. Spawn and Spider Man hid behind and ruined building.**

Subarashii: Wow, Spawn's such a dick he's making Spider-Man wreck buildings. Fucking hellspawn, I swear.

**Spawn threw and grenade into the mouth of the demon soon as the flames stopped.**

Crona: …even as a 90s anti-hero, would he have grenades?

Raven: No, I think that's pushing it more than a bit.

**The demon blew up Venom was unsure what to do now because he knew he could not take on both of them so Venom fled. Spawn and Spider heard something and looked in the sky and say a portal Spawn recognized it, it led to hell...**

Subarashii: We already did the Sequel Hook joke, let's move on.

/

Raven: Finally, we have an Inuyasha fanfic called "High School Sweet Hearts" by Alex5485.

Subarashii: Title alone makes me want to puke.

_**There sitting on the tree limb was Inuyasha. Waiting for Kagome to get home. Then he heard the door open and Kagome's footsteps. So when she wasn't paying attention he jumped threw her window.**_

Crona: Broken windows aren't cheap, Inuyasha. You should be more considerate…

_**He tapped her shoulder.**_

**"What is it Inuyasha?"**

_**Inuyasha was surprised**_**.**

**"Hey how did you know that it was me?"**

Raven: "You just broke my window for the third time this week! How wouldn't I know it was you?"

**"Because I know what time you're sitting in the tree waiting for me to come home you've been doing this for a year already."**

Subarashii: …more than a little creepy, Inu.

Crona: Why is all the dialogue underlined…?

_**Inuyasha was then over the conversation, but now he was staring at her body.**_

Subarashii: …that's even creepier, Inu…

"**Don't even think about it Inu-Chan!"**

**"Think about what?"**

**"I'm tired."**

**"Ok."**

Raven: I guess this means they're already together.

Subarashii: …fine, slightly less creepy.

_**Inuyasha fell onto the bed without a single noise. Kagome closed her eyes and fell dead onto Inuyasha's private.**_

"**OOOOOOUUUUCCCCCHHHH!"**

Boys: *wince*

Subarashii: Yeah, _that_ was necessary…

**"I'm sorry Inu-Chan."**

_**Inuyasha could tell there was something wrong with her so he searched her bag he found a paper that said C- Kagome had never had anything lower than an A+.**_

Subarashii: *overly dramatic gasp*

Crona: That can bother people, you know…

Subarashii: Maka's a bookworm, she gets a free pass on the mocking.

**"Kags….Kags are you ok?"**

**"Go home Inu-Chan!"**

_**Inuyasha stomped a few times to make it seem like he left.**_

**"Wait Inu-Chan don't go…I'm sorry!"**

_**Inuyasha chuckled then kissed Kagome very passionately.**_

**"Are you still depressed?"**

**"Of course not now!"**

Raven: Oh _brother_.

_**When Kagomes Nun-Chan got home she had to explain to him why she had a C-. An hour later Kagome and Inuyasha heard footsteps.**_

**"Kagome, Inuyasha i'm home!"**

_**How did he know I was here Inuyasha asked himself.**_

Raven: Again, the broken window was a dead give-away.

**"Father... I made a low grade on my test."**

**"Well it's quite ok Kagome."**

**"Really?"**

**"Yes now I have to go on a buisness trip tommorrow morning and I have payed of the rent and i'm leaving you here alone. I will be returning in about a year."**

**"A year!"**

Crona: …does that normally happen?

Raven: For a whole year? No.

Subarashii: Well, clearly this is all just a plot to get them closer together.

Raven: …the sad part is that you're probably right.

Subarashii: Yeah, that is sad.

/

The three gave a collective sigh as the lights came back on, thoroughly worn out and lost after the things they had just seen.

"So…final thoughts?" Subarashii asked, stretching his hands out in front of him.

"Well, let's see…" Raven began. "All of these fics were completely nonsensical, lazy, poorly written, pointless, and all around stupid. One wasn't even a fic, it was a poem, and I can't even call it that without feeling ill. And one was just seven sentences long."

Crona gave an involuntary shudder at the mention of the "seven sentences". Subarashii, however, gave a loud scoff.

"Oh, fuck you, that World War II fic was frickin' awesome."

Raven sighed. "A robotic Teddy Roosevelt somehow merging with Godzilla doesn't make a story good, Subarashii."

"Frankly, if the world turns into one where that _isn't_ awesome, I don't want to live in it."

Raven simply shook her head while Subarashii got to his feet.

"Anyway, I should probably get a move on. Wouldn't want those space marines to try and track me here. Ciao."

He gave a quick wave as he ascended the stairs, the others returning the gesture. Soon enough, he headed out through the twin doors, both of them swinging shut behind him.

Raven gave another sigh, before getting to her feet as well.

"I should probably leave too. The rate things are going, I shouldn't be away from the tower for too long…"

She started to head for the stairs, but stopped when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned her head to see that Crona had gotten to his feet as well, and was looking away from her.

"…what is it, Crona?"

"U-Um…"

It was hard to see clearly, but Raven still noticed Crona's eyes darting about at random, his other hand clenching and unclenching at his side. He finally gave a small sigh, before looking at her.

"Good luck…"

Raven blinked in surprise, before smiling and reaching up, gently touching the hand on her shoulder.

"Thank you."

Crona blushed, giving a small nod while looking down. She let go of him and headed for the stairs, waving at him as she did so.

And as he waved back, Raven thought again about her career choice.

No, it wasn't easy. It was a lot of responsibility, and sometimes something as simple as life itself could make it so much harder.

Yet it was moments like that that made it all worth it.

/

Well, that went alright, I guess.

As always, more suggestions and questions are wanted. Please, please, please send them in, particularly the former, no matter what they are.

See you in a few.


	19. Story 13: Over 9000 Germans

OK, folks! Sorry for the delay, but I'm back and ready with another review!

Today's story comes recommended by Zoomatron, who I would like to remind you, is severely fucked up. Just in case his own fic, The Not-So Great War (shameless plug ahoy!), wasn't enough of an indication of this, today's fic certainly is…

And awaaaaaaaay we go!

/

"I'm back…I'm back in the saddle agaaaaaain…"

Subarashii stood in front of the twin doors, watch in hand, eyes on the time. He waited for the hands to tick down to the right time, then snapped the watch shut and put it away.

"I'm back…I'm back in the saddle agaaaaaaain…"

He then raised his foot, waited for a few seconds, and then gave the doors a sharp kick.

_WHAM_!

"Yoho!"

Subarashii then strutted down the stairs, continuing to sing to himself. He came to a stop at the bottom, turning to the others with a wide smile on his face.

"Helloooooo, sir and ma'am! And how are you two today?"

His smile quickly faded when he saw Raven's and Crona's tired frowns.

"Bleh." Crona replied.

"Seconded." Raven added.

Subarashi sighed, shaking his head.

"Honestly, do you two get together and plan to be depressed? I swear, every time I come down here, one or both of you is being a total buzzkill."

Raven sighed as Subarashii took his seat. "So sorry I'm not jumping for joy or anything. But I'd like to see you be in a good mood after spending the past week dealing with a constantly-changing Hive Five."

Crona gave a small moan as he placed his fanmail letters on his tray. "I'm never going to be able to look at a dog the same way again…"

Subarashii rolled his eyes. "Why must you guys always be so damn negative? Would it kill you to look at things positively for once?"

"I highly doubt taking the amount of happy pills that you take in a day would actually help me." Raven replied.

"Hey, this positivity is one-hundred percent natural, lady!"

"Considering I have no idea how many drugs you're on…"

"Oh, so because I smoke some space weed _one time_, you assume I'm a drug addict?"

Crona sighed, deciding to just hurry up with the fanmail. He opened his first letter before the other two could go any further with their argument.

_Are there days where you're afraid that Maka will start ignoring you for some reason?_

Crona started shaking, carefully putting the letter down. "Th-There are…"

Subarashii frowned as Crona opened his next letter. _Geez, he really is attached to her, isn't he?_ he thought.

_When was the last time you weighed yourself?_

"A while ago…the scale broke, though…"

Subarashii blinked. "…_you_ broke the scale?"

"…I'm heavier than I look…"

_Is it wrong for a girl to wear too much makeup?_

"…I don't know how to deal with that question…"

Crona frowned, turning and looking over his shoulder. After a moment, he sighed and looked back at the letter.

"Never mind…"

_Dear Ragnarok, You're probably still in a bad mood... So Crona, the next time you see him, could you tell him that I miss him?_

"I guess…"

Raven frowned as Crona opened his next letter. "What has his problem been lately…?"

"No idea…he almost never talks to me now…"

Subarashii shrugged. "I don't see a problem there."

"It's too weird to get used to…"

_Have you ever tried taking something apart then trying to rebuild it? If so, how did you do?_

"W-Well, I did try to fix that alarm clock I got…it didn't go so well…"

_What's one of your favorite quality's about Maka?_

Crona flushed, looking down towards the ground. Subarashii grinned, leaning over.

"Oh, gee, only one? Well, we're gonna be here all day while you try to-"

"_RAVEN CHOP_!"

Crona sighed, opening his next letter. "Thank you…"

"Don't mention it." Raven replied, putting her book away.

_~Dear Sir or Ma'am (I couldn't resist)~_

Crona gave a small groan. "I already don't like where this is going…"

_Has Maka ever talked to you about... "that time of the month"? Or anyone else for that matter?_

Crona quickly flushed again, fumbling with the letter. "N-N-No…"

Raven sighed, patting Crona on the shoulder.

_Do you like wearing socks?_

"It doesn't really matter to me…"

_Seriously though, how did everyone figure out your gender! You never answer the important/awkward questions..._

Crona gave another groan, this time letting his head hit his tray. "I knew it…"

Subarashii tilted his head while Raven opened her first letter. "I don't get why it's such a mystery…or why people keep going on and on about it."

Crona looked up at him. "Wait…you knew I was a guy?"

"Yep. Because I'm awesome."

Raven rolled her eyes and started reading.

_Was it really so bad that Beast Boy sounded like John Clesse? He might have picked up the humour._

"Trust me, he didn't. Not that he didn't try. I actually had to watch the Parrot Sketch again just so I could remember that it was actually funny…"

Subarashii frowned as Raven opened her next letter. "Hey, BB's funny!"

"Doesn't mean he's suited for dark, sarcastic British humour."

_Have you ever played Truth or Dare?_

"No, and I never will. It's just an excuse to embarrass people and I refuse to be a part of it."

Subarashii rolled his eyes as Raven opened her next letter. "You should start your own club. Killjoys Anonymous."

Raven simply gave an annoyed growl in response.

_Would you ever take the time to read a fanfiction that in your opinion was actually well written?_

"I guess it would depend on the fandom. Even if the fic was good, reading anything about me or the other Titans would still be pretty weird…"

Crona sighed. "Yeah, same with me…maybe now people will stop…"

Raven frowned. "Stop what?"

"People keep saying Maka and I should read some story called "Breaking Point". They said that it's really good, and I'm sure it is…but it's too weird to see us like that, whether the fic is good or bad…"

"Really, considering we deal with this on a semi-weekly basis, why would we purposely want to do more?"

_Whats your favorite breakfast food?_

"…waffles."

Crona tilted his head at the somewhat embarrassed look on Raven's face, but made no comments as she opened her last letter.

_~Rae-Rae~_

Raven twitched. "Oh, you are going to regret that…"

_Are you aware that you- you're Twilight Sparkle? That's just... Wow. Now Twilight is third best pony. Second is Fluttershy._

_Twilight has magical powers... And you have magical powers... That must mean- something very significant. Logic'd_

Raven shivered, before tossing the letter aside.

"Do either of you have any idea what she's talking about?"

Subarashii shrugged while opening his first letter. "Probably has something to do with you two having the same voice actor."

"…we have the same what now?"

"Iunno, I'm just guessing."

Crona frowned. "Raven…do you not like the ponies?"

Raven sighed. "It's not that…it's just…"

She then shivered again, before looking at the other two.

"On the off chance either of you visit the tower…don't ever mention the ponies around Starfire…"

"…big fan?" Subarashii asked.

"_Very._"

_Are you a good dancer?_

"As musically inclined as I am, I'd pretty much have to be."

_Do you have an archenemy?_

"…you could say that…"

_What is your biggest fear?_

"Dying in a sucky way."

Raven tilted her head as Subarashii opened his next letter. "Define "sucky"."

"One that doesn't involve tons of explosions."

Raven rolled her eyes. "Of course…"

_How'd things go with the space marines?_

"Pretty easy, actually. Turns out all I had to do was tip them over, and their ridiculously heavy armour and large guns did all the work for me."

Crona frowned. "…that sounded like a reference to something."

"Don't Explain The Joke."

*TVTropes references: 43*

_I totally agree with you on the matter of cyborg Teddy Roosevelt and Godzilla :)_

"Well, of course you do! You'd have to be crazy not to!"

He then glanced over at Raven while opening his last letter. "Hint, hint."

Raven simply rolled her eyes in response.

_~Space Pirate Guy~_

"I have a name, you know. Even if you people apparently have trouble getting it right."

_Do you like watching things explode? Or are you one of those cool guys that don't look at explosions?_

Subarashii opened his mouth to reply, but quickly closed it. He placed a fist under his chin, thinking carefully. He opened his mouth again, but soon shut it. He looked at the letter again, then finally spoke.

"…shit."

Raven sighed. "Is it really that difficult a decision?"

"Yes, actually! I mean, who doesn't love looking at a good explosion? But then again, saying that I don't would indicate that I've seen so many that they no longer interest me. That's serious badass cred!"

Subarashii sighed, tossing the letter and getting to his feet. "I'll have to think on this one…"

Crona blinked, picking up a letter that was on Subarashii's seat.

"…this one's for all of us."

_i will be the first to admit that fangirls/boys are indeed a scary thing you don't have it the worst. in the maximum ride fandom there are writers that kidnap the characters, and they do author notes and reviews with their kidnaper... also angel says hi so does max's clone maya. don't judge me they were the only two left and they needed a home. so count your blessings because trust me it could be worse._

The three of them stared at the letter in silence for a few moments. Soon, Raven let out a sigh, taking the letter out of Crona's hands and crumpling it.

"Why do we have to attract crazy people?" Raven wondered aloud.

Crona shivered. "P-People don't actually kidnap characters…right?"

Subarashii shook his head as he walked over to the table. "No Crona, that's just the ramblings of someone who should probably be in a rubber room. Besides, if it was true, you probably would've been nabbed a long time ago."

Crona let out a frightened whimper while Subarashii opened the envelope on the table.

_I truly hope you three aren't desensitized to sheer disgusting or offensive content. I don't want you to lose your humanity. Relatively speaking, of course._

_Because if you don't find today's story offensive in some way, I've probably been too harsh on you._

_It is called Until the End of Time by gofer-chan, and it is a DragonBall Z/Diary of Anne Frank crossover._

_Best of luck._

Subarashii stared at the letter, jaw hanging open in shock and disbelief. The letter slowly fell out of his hands, drifting to the floor below.

"…um…Subarashii?"

He turned to look back at Raven and Crona, who were both looking as shocked and surprised as he was.

"…I think my hearing is going on me…" Raven remarked. "You…you didn't just say what I think you just said…did you?"

Subarashii's mouth closed shut, before he gave a small nod. "I did…"

Crona looked between the two of them. "This…this person does know that Anne Frank was a real person…right?"

Subarashii slowly walked back to his seat and sat down. "I honestly don't know…and I don't know if that's good or bad…"

The three of them stared up at the screen, as the lights slowly dimmed down.

"I'm scared."

They were each surprised to find that the others had said the same thing.

/

**Hi! ^_^**

Subarashii: Piss off.

**I'm gofer-chan, and this is my first piece of fanfiction!**

Crona: It's weird how we keep seeing that…

Raven: Not really.

**It was my brother's idea, an Anne Frank/DBZ crossover! I am big fans of both.**

Raven: I imagine this was after encountering more than a few bottles of alcoholic beverages…

Subarashii: That doesn't sound like such a bad idea at this point…

**Anne sighed as she sat in her room, staring at her wall. She just finished writing in her diary, and had nothing to do. Life was boring in the Secret Annex, but it was better than the alternative.**

Raven: *facepalm*

Subarashii: "Oh, my, it's just _so_ boring sitting here, hiding from the Nazis who want to toss me into a gas chamber!"

Crona: …this is going to get worse, isn't it?

Raven: Sadly, most likely.

**It was alright talking to Peter and Margot, but they were both such quiet people, unlike the always active Anne.**

Subarashii: Oh, really? _Quiet_, you say? Gee, it's almost like they're trying to hide from someone! Like, say, _fucking Nazis_!

**All of a sudden, a flash of light appeared in the room! Anne jumped back, stifling a scream. Before she could run out the closed door she noticed that the person who appeared in the flash was not a Nazi officer, but someone who she had never seen before!**

Crona: …Nazis can teleport?

Subarashii: I would find that mildly awesome if I wasn't so annoyed right now.

**His clothes were very strange, and his hair was in a spiky style that was totally new to her. She stood against the wall, wary of the stranger, but he walked towards her and smiled, extending a hand. "My name is Goku."**

Subarashii: "No one special, just your typical alien monkey from the future. Got anything to eat?"

**The mysterious stranger said. Anne nervously put her hand in his. He bent down and kissed it softly, then let go.**

All: …

Subarashii: …uh-

Raven: He was just being a gentleman! That's all! Nothing more to it!

Crona: B-But even then, it's still wrong…Goku isn't even close to being a gentleman…

Raven: Considering the alternative, I'll take him being out of character.

**Anne blushed, feeling something she had never felt before go off inside of her.**

Subarashii: …uh-

Raven: _Don't even_.

**"My name is Anne..." she replied quietly. "I'm sorry for what just happened," Goku told her, "But I was caught in a time portal and deposited here! My power cells will recharge soon, but until then, I'm stuck here."**

Crona: "Power cells"? Is Goku a solar battery now?

**Anne had no idea what the handsome visitor**

Raven: _No_. Don't you dare, fic. _Don't you dare_.

**was talking about, but she played along. "Well, sir" she said. "You may stay in my room as long as you like!" Anne blushed again as she said this, and giggled slightly.**

Crona: …it got worse.

Subarashii: It did.

Raven: No, no, _no_! You're just jumping to conclusions!

**Goku looked around, and then sat on the bed. "Thank you for the invitation. I'll be sure to repay you for it soon." Anne did not understand what he meant by that, however, when he spoke, she felt a warmth deep inside of her.**

Subarashii: *double facepalm* Oh Goooooood…

**She sat by him on the bed, staring at the man's beautiful eyes. Finally, she could stand it no longer.**

Crona: …is it weird that I have this sudden urge to run?

Subarashii: No, not at all.

Raven: Nothing's going to happen! There's no way this person is that-

**Anne leaned over and kissed the stranger on the cheek, and then pulled back quickly, not sure of what she had done.**

Raven: …it's entirely one-sided! She's a teenager with no control over her hormones or any idea what she's doing!

Subarashii: How's Denial-Land working for you, Raven?

Raven: _I'm not in denial_!

**"I'm sorry..." she said, as she stumbled to find the right words. The visitor smirked. "No, that's quite alright." He replied with a smile, putting one arm around her.**

Crona: Bad touch! Bad touch! She needs an adult!

Subarashii: He _is_ an adult…

Crona: *shudders* Whyyyyyyy…?

**"You know, you're a very beautiful girl, but I... well..." Anne looked at him, troubled. "What's the matter?" she said, with a sweet smile.**

Raven: Would you like a list?

**Goku looked nervous. "I... I'm already married." he finally managed to choke out.**

Subarashii: _Thank you_! I mean, I know Chi-Chi's a bitch, man, but are you really _that_ desperate?

Crona: Not to mention the fact that he's literally a grandfather…

**Anne pulled away from him abruptly. "No!" she said loudly, almost in tears. "I'm sorry..." he replied. Anne was furious. "Nothing ever goes right!" she cried out.**

Raven: …I…I am honestly stunned. I can't believe those words just came out of her mouth. I…I don't know what to say.

Subarashii: Other than the fact that this author needs to die in various painful ways?

Raven: Yes, but that goes without saying…

**"I have to go now, my power cells have recharged." said Goku.**

Crona: From doing what? Just sitting there? And what do you run on, anyway?

Raven: Bigger problems than that, Crona…

**Anne was in tears by now, staring at the wall so she wouldn't see Goku's face. He smiled a sad smile, and disappeared in another flash, out of Anne's life forever.**

Crona: And how is he doing that, anyway?

Subarashii: …you're just trying to distract yourself from the bigger issue here, aren't you?

Crona: Yes, actually…can you let me get back to that?

Subarashii: Go for it, pal.

**Anne never forgot him, though... not until the end of time.**

Crona: "That's the title, by the way. Did you know that?"

**How did everyone like it? ^_^ Please review, as it's my first story!**

Raven: Fall on something sharp. There, I reviewed, we're done, let's go already-

Crona: Th-There's another chapter…

Raven: …no there isn't.

Subarashii: Raven, come on, you just left Denial-Land, don't go back!

Raven: I'd much rather be there than here right now!

**One month. Well, it didn't feel like a month. To Anne Frank, a Jew in hiding from the Nazis, it seemed like a year.**

Subarashii: Oh, so she is hiding from the Nazis? Gee, nice of you to actually acknowledge that!

**One month since the fateful encounter with the mysterious man from another world, who she only knew as 'Goku'. The handsome stranger had stepped through time and into her life, then disappeared without a trace. Anne was almost sure that they'd never meet again, even though not one day passed without her dreaming of him. Little did she know, however, that their lives were tied by the unbreakable red string of fate.**

Crona: …*heavy blush*

Subarashii: You actually know what that is?

Crona: M-Maka e-explained…

**It was another boring day in the Secret Annex.**

Raven: *facepalm* _Will you stop that_?

**Anne sat on the bed of her room, writing in her diary. It never occurred to her, however, that this entry would be her last.**

Raven: …well, clearly what's about to happen will be handled as delicately as possible.

Subarashii: …I honestly couldn't tell if that was sarcasm or you being in denial again.

Raven: Not in denial.

**As she wrote in the quiet attic, there was a loud noise from downstairs. Her heart jumped with both fear and excitement. Was it them? The Nazis? Or, could it be… him? She had no idea whether to run downstairs or to hide. That decision, however, was made for her.**

Crona: …well, technically-

Subarashii: Not the time to get meta, man.

**Her door flew open, and a tall soldier was visible in the doorway, glaring at her. The cries of her family members and friends were tuned out as Anne only thought of one thing.**

Raven: "This sounds like the plot to a highly offensive fanfic!"

**She stood up and followed the soldier out of her room, down the stairs, and into the back of a truck. "So this is it." She said quietly to herself. "I'll never see him, my one true love, ever again. And all those years of hiding… they were for naught."**

Crona: …we should probably just skip that one.

Raven: Absolutely.

**Then, Anne realized that she left her precious diary up in her room. She broke loose from the officer, and made a dash back into the shop, when he removed a gun from his holster and fired a shot in her direction. Anne fell to the floor.**

Subarashii: …well, that was certainly…dark, but at least this is-

Raven: Now who's the one in denial?

Subarashii: Oh, shut up.

**Anne lay on the floor, feeling searing pain run through her leg, where the bullet had met its mark. The Gestapo officer menacingly moved towards her, grinning, when all of a sudden there was a blinding flash of light, causing the officer to shield his eyes. A huge cloud of smoke appeared next to Anne, blocking her from the soldier's vision. When the smoke cleared, he was in for quite a surprise. There was Goku, holding Anne in his arms, standing next to a huge metal capsule.**

Crona: Hey, where was that the first time he showed up?

Raven: It was a "time portal", remember? Besides, you have more important things to be worried about.

Crona: I'd much rather worry about the inconsistencies, thank you…

"**Goku!" cried Anne "You came back… for me!" Goku smiled. "Anything for you, my dear." He said.**

Subarashii: Sooooooo, what happened to that whole "being married" thing? Are we just dropping that now?

Raven: Can we please not? _Please_?

"**Our love will never be lost… not until the end of time."**

Raven: *groan* They're going to keep using that, aren't they?

**The Gestapo officer turned tail and ran, but Goku was too quick for him. After laying Anne on the concrete, he dashed towards the Nazi and knocked him to the ground, unconscious, with only one blow. "Nazi scum." Muttered Goku as he spit on his enemy's limp body,**

Subarashii: I'd say that was a bit unnecessary…but hey, it's a Nazi.

Crona: It's still a bit out of character for Goku…

**then returned to Anne. "Here, I have something for you." Goku said, as he removed a small bean from his pocket. "What on earth is this?" asked Anne. Goku smiled, remember how ignorant she was to what was everyday life to him.**

Subarashii: Oh, fuck you, you smug prick. What'd you expect her to say when she's given a magical healing bean? "Gee, thanks"?

"**A senzu bean." He said. "Just eat it, and it will cure your leg." Anne followed his instructions and popped the bean into her mouth, as the wound on her calve magically healed.**

Raven: And doesn't react to it at all. Because it's not like a magical healing bean is something special or anything.

"**Now come on." Commanded Goku. "We've got some Nazi ass to kick."**

Crona: …that sounds so wrong coming from him…

**Anne jumped on the mysterious Saiyan's back, as he launched off into the sky.**

Subarashii: "Oh, by the way, I can fly. That cool with you?"

Raven: "Sure, why not, mysterious alien from the future?"

**After only a few moments, the two of them arrived in Berlin. Tanks were parading down the street, as Adolf Hitler himself stood on a platform overlooking it all. "Stay here." Goku said, dropping Anne in a shaded area under a tree. He then flew straight towards the parade of tanks, fist outstretched, screaming as loud as he could. The soldiers below scattered in terror, while the tanks tried to aim their cannons at him. He was too quick and nimble for them, however, and opened the hatch of a nearby Panzer, then headed inside. After dispatching of the soldiers in control of the war machine, he took the wheel. He fired round after round into the crowds of Nazi soldiers, occasionally firing at the other tanks.**

Crona: Um…why is _Goku_ using a tank? And why is he firing at the defenseless soldiers? Why is he slaughtering people when he hates killing?

Raven: …"defenseless soldiers"?

Subarashii: Against a tank? Yeah, I'd say they're pretty defenseless!

**After only minutes, there was nothing but a cloud of dust and corpses. Goku emerged from the tank's hatch, smiling now that he had done his duty.**

Crona: …I thought Hitler was the cold-blooded murderer here…

**When all of the dust cleared, there were only two people remaining on the parade ground: Goku, the Saiyan hero, and Adolf Hitler, the most evil man ever to walk the earth.**

Raven: …not going to argue the point, Subarashii?

Subarashii: I'm deciding.

**Anne watched from nearby fearfully as she saw the two men stare at each other for what seemed like hours. Her one true love, and her ultimate oppressor. It had come down to this.**

Subarashii: Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen!

Raven: …who's going to bet against Goku?

"**So," Hitler said jovially "You took out all of my men. However, you aren't going to defeat me." Hitler then jumped down from his platform and down onto the street in front of Goku, pulling a chain gun from the ground nearby. Goku quickly jumped behind a ruined tank, as Adolf opened fire.**

Crona: Why? Goku's been shot before! The Saiyans can take stronger stuff than bullets! Raditz caught a shotgun shell! _Raditz_!

**The tank made decent cover, but it wasn't long until it would be torn apart by the hail of bullets.**

Subarashii: What's the tank made of? Papier-mâché?

**Goku had to act. He dashed out from the side of the tank, and flew as fast as he could toward Hitler, who had no time to react. He grabbed the chain gun out of his enemy's hands, and snapped it over his knee with ease. Hitler stumbled backwards, shocked at the turn of events. Goku smirked, then said "It's come down to this. You and me. Fighting like men. If you admit defeat now, I'll kill you rather painlessly."**

Subarashii: Dude, seriously, I know he's Hitler and all, but…what the fuck, man?

**Goku had the definite advantage. Or so it seemed. Hitler burst into a laugh, as Goku looked on quizzically. The mustachioed man slowly rose into the air, as his brown hair and pencil moustache turned a blonde color, and his brown eyes turned blue.**

Raven: …_what_.

Crona: …th-they're supposed to be green, not blue…

Subarashii: He's a Nazi, remember?

**Goku reeled in horror. Hitler continued laughing, then finally said "Goku! You came here expecting to find a madman, but instead, you found a GOD!" Hitler had become a Super Saiyan.**

Subarashii: …I hate this fic. I should find this incredibly awesome right now, but instead I'm too busy being pissed off that this thing even exists. This fic ruined _Super Saiyan Hitler_ for me!

**Anne looked on in awe, not sure what was going on.**

Crona: I know the feeling…

**At first, it seemed like her lover would win the battle,**

Raven: _Please_ don't refer to him as that…

**but now she was not so sure. Goku now seemed scared of his opponent, and it was for a good reason. Hitler continued to speak "Goku, can't you see? I've reached a power level 10 TIMES anything you've ever achieved!**

Crona: And how would you know that? I wasn't aware you two fought before…

Subarashii: That probably would've been more entertaining than this!

**Your fate is sealed, weakling." Even though the battle seemed unwinnable, Goku charged in, screaming at the top of his lungs. Every blow he struck with was deflected off of Hitler's rock hard body. Hitler waited for Goku to tire himself out, then raised his fist and punched Goku. And one punch was enough. Goku was knocked across the street into a large propaganda poster of Hitler, thudding to the cold, hard ground. Hitler laughed, thinking that victory was in his hands at last. Goku, however, was not ready to give up. Bruised and battered, he rose from the ground, limping in Hitler's direction. The Nazi leader laughed. "You still want to fight? Don't you know when to give up, boy? You can hardly walk. And you expect to beat ME? Conqueror of Europe?" Goku ignored Adolf's taunts as he continued to stumble his way forward. Finally, the two archrivals were standing face to face. Goku stared Hitler into the eye, then screamed "This… is for LOVE!"**

Subarashii: "Feel the power of pedophilia!" …_wow_, I felt dirty saying that…

Raven: I felt dirty hearing it, so thanks for that…

Crona: S-Same…

**and flew up into the sky, his hair turning blonde, his eyes blue,**

Crona: They're supposed to be green!

**and an aura of power radiating from him. Hitler looked on in horror at Goku. He had made the ultimate achievement. He had become a Super Ultra Power Saiyan.**

Subarashii: …*facepalm* Didn't even freakin' try…

**Goku made a cup shape with his hands, aiming at Hitler, as he belted out the words "Kame… Hame… HAAAAA!" as a beam of pure energy shot at his enemy, disintegrating the Nazi leader's body.**

Subarashii: Hello, anti-climax!

**Goku then collapsed to the ground in a heap, exhausted from the fight. Two years later: Anne and Goku had finally reached the date of their wedding.**

Raven: Oh dear sweet Azar, _no_.

**After the battle, Anne and Goku destroyed the time machine and took a boat to Australia. They changed their names and lived new lives, ready to start over. The two young people looked into each others eyes as they kissed, as the reverend pronounced them man and wife.**

Crona: I didn't know Australia was OK with pedophilia…

Raven: Considering how anal their government is in general, I can safely say that isn't true.

**Finally, it seemed, Anne was at peace. And they would always be together, until the end of time.**

Subarashii: Just had to squeeze it in one more time, didn't you?

/

The lights came back on as the three stared at the screen, horrified expressions frozen on their faces. After a short while, Crona spoke up.

"W-We don't need to go over what was wrong with that, do we…?"

Raven shuddered slightly, before letting out a sigh.

"Well…besides the obvious, both of the main characters were…well, out of character. And considering one of them was a real person, that's pretty insulting. I seriously hope the author didn't know that going into this, otherwise I think I'd completely lose faith in humanity as a whole. As for Goku, you could've switched him out with anyone else and it would've made as much sense. And they probably should've done that, just to avoid the…ugh…"

Crona shuddered, rubbing his arms reflexively. "Y-Yeah…"

Subarashii got to his feet. "And let's not forget…they ruined _Super Saiyan Hitler_! That's a freakin' golden concept for unintentional humour! That's impossible to fuck up, and somehow they did! They went Beyond The Impossible in terms of how to suck!"

*TVTropes references: 44*

Subarashii then gave a shudder of his own, before heading for the stairs.

"I need to go take a long shower. I'll see you guys later."

Without waiting for any goodbye waves, Subarashii was up the stairs and out the doors.

The two stared at the doors for a short while, before Crona turned to Raven. He tilted his head slightly, a somewhat expectant look on his face.

Raven soon figured out what Crona was getting at, then let out another sigh.

"They're genuine. He isn't hiding his feelings at all. …he isn't worried."

Crona frowned, clearly confused. "B-But…if what you said is true-"

"It has to be. On the fifth review, you had to go through…that. On the tenth, it was my turn. So, logically speaking, review number fifteen is his turn…"

Crona looked down, his face contemplative. "Maybe he doesn't know…?"

"He isn't stupid. He might act stupid, but he isn't. He'll have figured out the pattern by now."

"Then…why isn't he worried?"

Raven sighed. "I don't know…"

The two of them sat in silence, both of them thinking about the conundrum before them. Raven was absolutely terrified when the threat of her experiencing what Crona experienced was hanging over her head, yet Subarashii didn't seem to care at all. He just continued acting as he always did.

…_he said that he'd already accepted his fictional nature._ Raven thought. _But that's just stupid! If it was that easy, then The Host wouldn't bother with this in the first place!_

Raven looked up at the screen, trying to contain her anger at the mysterious being forcing them to do this.

…_he wouldn't…right?_

/

Alrighty, that wasn't TOO bad, I suppose…

As always, suggestions and fanmail are not only welcomed, but encouraged! So please send 'em! And if I didn't get to your fanmail this review, I'm sorry, and I'll get to it next time!

See you whenever!


	20. Story 14: Birds Of A Feather

OK, so for those of you who haven't seen it yet, the Teen Titans spinoff is officially up! Go and have a look if you haven't already.

Today's story comes recommended by zorua…and is actually written by zorua. Yeah, he recommended one of his own fics. Can safely say that's a first.

Also, a happy belated birthday to one of my frequent reviewers, Zoomatron! Hope you had a good one!

Not much else to say except…onward!

/

It's generally not very wise to focus on "what if". Wondering about what could've been if one made another choice can take up far too much of one's time, and can often lead to one not being able to focus on what actually is happening.

Yet Crona couldn't help but focus on "what ifs". Part of this was due to his own guilty nature, but part of it was because of the fact that he was now fully aware of his fictional nature. So he found himself questioning the decisions he'd made over his life a lot more often as of late.

In particular was "what if he hadn't come to the theater?"

Obviously, he wouldn't have met either Raven or Subarashii, nor would he have had to endure all of the bad fanfiction that he had up to this point. Maka wouldn't have been dragged in either, and he certainly wouldn't have learned of his fictional nature.

He also wouldn't have learned of his status as an alternate, living in a separate reality from the canon Crona. Nor would he have even become an alternate, for that matter. Which lead to all of the questions that he had been asking himself.

Would he have become a Kishin? Would he have attacked anyone, including his friends? Would Maka have saved him, like she did in this reality? Or would he have forced her to finish him? Would he have even survived long enough to find her? Would he have even let her try to save him?

And even if she had saved him, would he be all that different? Would he still be a danger to his friends? Would the others have truly accepted him back? Suppose they were just keeping an eye on him so that he couldn't hurt anyone else?

Crona sighed as he entered the theater, these thoughts still buzzing in his head. While he had told Maka about what he had learned, it hadn't eased his worries at all. Just the thought that there could be a Crona out there who deserved everything that he was thinking about right then…

_Maybe Raven can help with this…_ Crona thought as he walked down the stairs. He always viewed Raven as someone much smarter and more levelheaded than he was. She'd have some sort of answer for him. Besides, she should know about them being alternates.

_Then again, it might just confuse her as much as it is me…_

He stopped once he reached the bottom of the stairs, looking over to find that Raven was already in her seat. She was laying back, her eyes closed and her head facing his direction.

…_she's asleep?_ Crona thought. He was instantly worried, remembering that Raven still had her own problems to deal with, still recovering from Beast Boy's appearance and her own revelation about being fictional.

He slowly and quietly walked towards his seat, trying to not disturb her as best as he could.

He stopped in his tracks when Raven opened her eyes, before giving him a weary smile.

"Hey Crona…"

"H-Hi Raven…"

Crona walked over and took his seat, while Raven sat up in hers, rubbing her eyes while doing so.

"I-I didn't wake you, did I…?" Crona asked.

Raven shook her head. "Wasn't asleep. Was just resting my eyes for a while."

She sighed and leaned back in her chair, before looking at Crona again.

"Crona?"

"Y-Yes?"

"Were you this tired after you had that talk with Maka?"

Crona shrugged slightly. "W-Well, I guess so-…wait."

He quickly realized what Raven was getting at, a look of mild surprise coming over his face.

"You finally got to talk to Beast Boy?"

Raven sighed. "Well…sort of."

Crona tilted his head in confusion, so she continued.

"I didn't get a chance to talk to him alone or anything. I only talked to him because I talked with all of the Titans."

Crona blinked. "…but…that doesn't make any sense. We can't tell anyone who hasn't come to the theater about this."

Raven smiled slightly. "Yeah, I know…"

"Then how did you…"

Crona trailed off when he started to realize what Raven meant. His eyes slowly widened in understanding.

"…Raven…you mean…"

Raven nodded, before gently patting Crona on the shoulder.

"Looks like you're not the only one stuck with double duty, Crona…"

Crona stared at Raven in shock, processing what he was just told. Not only did Raven have a much higher chance of enduring what he'd been through now that she had to come here more than once, but all of her friends were snatched up in one fell swoop. They all had to go through it constantly, rather than just once or twice like his friends had.

And the strangest part about it was that Raven didn't seem to care that much.

Raven sighed, moving her hand away. "Don't worry about us, Crona. Whatever happens, we'll get through it. We've survived as a team up until now, and we'll still be one if and when this is all over."

Crona frowned, not as sure of that as Raven was. She gave another smile while leaning back in her chair.

"That's just how my friends work. No matter how bad things get, they're more than willing to step up to the plate and help each other out. Even when it comes to this, something they've never dealt with before, that doesn't change at all."

She turned her head to look at him again. "You understand that, right?"

Crona blinked in surprise at the question, then looked down. He thought about his own group of friends, and how each of them would be willing to aid one another with their problems, and had done so in the past. He thought about how they were willing to help him as well.

And he thought of how he'd do the same for any of them. How he would jump in to defend Maka if anyone dared to raise a hand against her…

He looked back up at Raven and smiled, giving her a small nod.

He truly did understand.

_WHAM_!

"Yoho!"

Crona looked up as Subarashii started heading down the stairs. He then noticed Raven suddenly leaning closer to him.

"Don't tell him." Raven whispered. "We still need to figure out what's going on with him. We can't afford to distract him."

Crona looked back at Raven, then gave another nod. He decided that he'd tell her about the alternate universe thing another time.

He looked back at the stairs to see Subarashii come down, walking over to them with a big grin on his face.

"Howdy, folks!"

Raven raised an eyebrow. "Howdy? I thought you were a space pirate, not a space cowboy."

Subarashii rolled his eyes as he took his seat. "Raven, you cannot damper my good mood, and your attempts at doing so are laughable."

"Right. Incidentally, I'm still waiting on you telling me what drug it is you keep taking to make you like this."

"It's a little something called "life", Raven. Might want to try it sometime."

Raven sighed as he grabbed her first letter. _No change at all…how can he be so calm about this…?_

She opened the envelope and started reading.

_If it helps, i've actually read a bunch of Teen Titan comics and actually, they are a hell of a lot better then the TV show. (despite the fact you basically used your powers to make i think Kid Flash fall in love with you so he'd join, that was just low, no offence)_

Crona blinked. "W-Wait, you did what?"

Raven sighed. "Not me, the other Raven. The comic version. And I fail to see how telling me the comics were better than the show would help me at all."

_But, who out of Subarasghii and Crona do you like more?_

"Guess."

Subarashii gave a dramatic gasp, placing a hand over his chest. "Oh no, you don't like me as much as Crona! Whatever shall I do?"

Crona fidgeted slightly, looking at Subarashii. "Sh-She didn't actually name any names…"

Subarashii stared at Crona for a moment, before covering his mouth to muffle the snickers that had started to come out. After a few seconds, he looked at Crona again.

"You…you're kidding, right?"

Crona simply stared at Subarashii, showing a mix of confusion and mild concern on his face.

…_somehow I get the feeling I should've just skipped this one…_ Raven thought.

_What genre of book do you like? Or do yuo just like any type?_

"For the last time, I have no real preference."

She placed the letter aside and opened the next one.

_Have you ever considered writing a book? If so, what genera?_

"I'd probably write an autobiography. I imagine a number of the people would want to read a superhero autobiography."

Subarashii frowned while Raven reached for her next letter.

"Why do I get the feeling Alan Moore would have a problem with that?"

"Alan Moore has a problem with a lot of things." Raven replied.

_How do you put up with all of the Titans' less than appreciated actions and habits? To me, it seems like being a member of a household full of lots of children, and I should know. Is there some special key to it, or is it just your passiveness and emotion control that helps you stop from having a temper tantrum?_

"I think you've got the wrong impression of how things work at the Tower. I don't necessarily take care of all of them, we all look after each other. Sure, you could say I'm the most "mature" of the group if you really want to, but that doesn't mean I'm the Team Mom or anything."

*TVTropes references: 45*

"Dammit Raven!" Subarashii called out as she grabbed her next letter.

"Oh get over it, it's not like it's your only shtick."

_... I am too scared of you and what you could possible do to myself (after all, you probably could send me into the realm where your dear 'father' resides) so I am only asking you to keep doing what you do and please give Ragnarok my regards in form of a Raven Chop._

Raven sighed. "Well, nice of you to think that I would condemn someone to the pits of Hell at random. Says a lot about what you think of me."

She placed the letter aside and grabbed her next one, while looking at Crona. "In regards to Ragnarok, though…"

Crona sighed, shaking his head. "H-He still hasn't come out…I really don't know what's the matter with him lately…"

_i read a fic recently where starfire was pregnant with robbin's kid (don't worry they were married) and while she was in labor you used your powers to numb the pain can you actually do this?_

"Ignoring the fact that someone wrote that…theoretically, I suppose I could do something like that…"

_in the past you said you didn't like angel/fang so is angel/ari ok with you? he is her age after all._

"Doesn't really matter if I like it or not, chances are someone's going to ruin it…"

Subarashii shook his head as Raven placed her last letter on her pile. "Honestly, must you be so negative?"

"I'm not negative, I'm realistic. Apparently, you could stand to benefit from a little realism."

"Says the superhero to the space pirate." Subarashii replied while opening his first letter.

_When you were a child, did ya have any heros?_

Subarashii looked at the screen, an eyebrow raised. "Do I really need to answer this one?"

Raven leaned over to look at Subarashii. "Better question: do you have a shrine to Mr. Campbell in your ship?"

"Once again, not a creeper, Rae."

"…you're lucky I don't feel like retaliating today."

_If you could have either Super Speed or Super Strength, which would you rather have?_

"Super Strength, obviously. If the Hulk can get famous by smashing everything in sight, why can't I?"

Raven opened her mouth to speak while Subarashii opened his next letter. After a few seconds, she shook her head. "Never mind, too easy."

"That comment in and of itself is too easy to make fun of."

_Excluding these badfics, what's the most disturbing thing you've ever seen?_

Subarashii shuddered, quickly grabbing his next letter.

"Just a bit of advice for everyone out there: if someone says they'll pay you to record the mating habits of the Tortellisan Ivorlan Sorlak, trust me, _it's not worth it_."

_Is your sword and gun your only non-ship attatched weapons, or are their more that you're hiding from us? I know this is going to probably come up so I'll ask for a response other than "Those are all I'll need" or anything along those lines._

"Now, what'd be the fun in telling you all my secrets?"

Raven frowned as Subarashii opened his next letter. _So he does have something to hide…_ she thought.

_i'm going to be honest here you are my hero for being so brave in the face of something so earth shattering_

"Cool story, bro."

Raven groaned as Subarashii opened his next letter. "Please tell me you didn't just say that."

"You mad? 'Cause you sound mad."

Raven gave another groan, rubbing her forehead.

_Do you have a GUIDE? If so, how well can you use your towel?_

"Why would I need a GUIDE to travel through space? I'm a space pirate! Although I can say I have killed someone with a towel before…"

Subarashii paused when he saw the looks of disbelief on both Crona's and Raven's faces. He sighed, grabbing his last letter.

"Scoff all you like, I totally did."

_If you could pick one person to add to your crew who would it be: A) a Renegade-alligned Vanguard (female) Commander Shepard, b) Raven , C) Crona, D) Guybrush Threepwood, E) John "Hannibal" Smith or F) H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock? (easy way out: No answer and shoot Ragnarok point-blank between the eyes)._

Subarashii simply crumpled the letter and tossed it aside. "I'd follow through on your "easy way out" if the frog could be bothered to get his non-existent ass out here."

Crona sighed, picking up his first letter. _I really don't get it…why won't he come out?_ he thought.

_What kind of tears do you like?_

"…what kind of tears do I like? …what kind of question is that…?"

_If you had the chance and choice, how would you kill Medusa?_

Crona sighed. "There's no point in thinking about killing the same person twice…"

He then looked over his shoulder. "…not even for one question?"

When he received only silence in reply, he looked back at the letter.

_Did you know that your named after a day in Norse mythology that marks the death of SEVERAL Norse Gods? your name basically means Doom of the Gods (My best friend Cole is teaching me about norse mythology, i'm surprised your named after such a large battle)_

"I don't really think he would care about the symbolism…"

Subarashii sighed while Crona opened his next letter. "I swear, you guys are handed awesome names and nicknames like this and neither of you care at all. I don't get it."

"I don't get what the big deal is…"

_Don't worry, Maka would never ignore you, since you guys have the spin-off and Blair turning Maka into a dog-girl so can't you see that she isn't going to start ignoring you anytime soon._

Crona let out a squeak of surprise, quickly hiding the letter from sight.

"Wait…" Subarashii started. "Who turned Maka into a what now?"

"Nothing! Nothing happened! You heard nothing!"

_How do these people keep finding out about that stuff?_ Crona wondered.

_Isn't Ragnarok able to take control of your body since he is your blood? Has he realised this before or have I just doomed you?_

"H-He can't…not that he hasn't tried…"

Crona placed the letter aside and grabbed his next one.

_I've noticed that you seem to be predisposed to anxiety and depression. So, have you ever considered using an antidepressant or benzodizapine. For example, Zoloft or Xanax? I'm sorry if this is offensive to you..._

"…the thought did cross my mind…I just don't think people would approve…"

Raven gently patted Crona's shoulder while he opened his next letter. _I'm willing to bet that he meant a certain someone in particular when he said "people"…_ she thought.

_I would just like to say, I completely agree with the he'll on earth know as fangirls. I always believed you were a dude, even when the manga translaters said she out of their personal beliefs. Now I want to ask, without any meaning to make this awkward so feel completely free to pass, how are you and Maka doing (In the meaning of how your relationship is progressing)? If you're embarrassed, let Subarashii (I spelt it right!) shoot it to cinders or something._

Crona blushed brightly. "We're fine thank you very much for asking." he replied very quickly.

He looked over his shoulder again, then sighed and resumed reading.

_So, you're not talking to anyone, huh? Will you please come out? I always enjoyed your addition the humor, violence, and language in Soul Eater. You made this funny._

"…you thought he was funny…?"

Subarashii sighed, leaning back and looking behind Crona. "Hey! Frog! Get your ugly mug out here already! You actually have a fanbase and they're wondering where you are!"

"S-Subarashii, can you please not talk to my back?" Crona asked while opening his next letter.

_that letter i sent last time if you'll remember i said that it was only happening to the flock of maximum ride the die hard fan girls of soul eater couldn't get to you if they wanted to, and if you want to know where the whole insanity of kidnap the characters began look up st fang of boredom. you'll also find we're not as mean as your fans we don't taunt you with jelly beans we don't embarasse you and pair you up with medu... let's not go over that. i'm sorry if i caused any fear since you read that letter_

Crona shuddered. "Just wait…it'll happen, I just know it…"

He placed the letter on his pile and opened his next one.

_i would like to start by thanking you for your work here iv really enjoyed it im a big fan i whant to tell you i hate that the Bitch's name hurt's you like it does she dosent deserve your thought's or your fear she deserve's nothing but the coldest lonelyest grave imangenable id call her a worthless good for nothing Bitch but that would be a lie she was good for one thing and ONE thing only you you ARE a good person and unlike alot of your fan's i dont just feel sorry for you i ADMIRE you it take's courage to trust after what she did to you but you can and that sayes alot about you id wish you the best of luck but you dont need it you a strong kind and all together wonderful person anone would be luck to have you as a friend_

Crona flushed. "U-Um…th-thank you…"

_But…me, brave? Strong? …is that really true…?_ Crona wondered as he opened his next letter.

_have you ever tried to figure out what motivated Medusa besides the whole "I want the world to change" spiel? It cannot be a simple "I did it 'cause I felt like it"-thing considering to what lengths she went..._

Crona sighed. "Believe me, I wish I knew…"

He placed the letter aside, then blinked, noticing another pile. He picked up the first one, then turned to Subarashii.

"This one's for both of us…"

_what underwear are you wearing?P.s I'd ask Raven as well but it seems unlikely that she would wear any considering her choice of clothing._

Crona flushed brightly while Subarashii sighed, pulling the letter out of Crona's hands and ripping it apart.

"Even I have to admit that this is getting out of hand…"

Raven twitched. "No. Really?"

She then used her powers to grab another letter. "Crona, this one's for you and me."

_you guys do know that this whole thing is just begging somone to make a badfic crossover for Teen Titans and Soul Eater right? When that time comes and you have to read it well, I'll pray you never have to go through that._

_don't count on it never happening though, i'm sure it will one of these days._

Raven sighed. "Well, we might not have to worry about that if _someone_ wouldn't keep jinxing it."

Subarashii frowned as he grabbed the next letter. "Hey, I haven't mentioned you two as a crack pairing in ages!"

"…you just did now…" Crona muttered.

"Oh, that doesn't count! Anyway, these ones are for all of us."

_what has been the LEAST bad fanfic youve read so far?_

"Teenage Dream." the three answered in unison.

_Also, Just so you guys know, i think readers may actually be making pairings outta you guys XD I'm just laughing cuz of it,_

Crona let out another squeak, while Raven glared at Subarashii.

He rolled his eyes while opening the next letter. "Hey, she didn't specifically say it was the two of you-I'm just going to shut up now."

"_Good idea_."

_In one episode, you guys were doing the Inconveinant Phonecall scene from Repo! The Genetic Opera, does that mean you guys have seen the whole movie?_

_If not (and have only just seen videos of it), you should definently watch it,_

_if you guys HAVE seen it, who's your favorite characters? (Mine is Shilo and Nathan :D) who's youre least favorite characters?_

"Actually, I haven't seen that movie." Raven responded. "I was just going by the random knowledge that time."

"I haven't seen it either…" Crona added.

Subarashii stared at the two of them, arms crossed. "Children, I am disappoint. How is it that I'm the only one of you who's seen what's essentially the Rocky Horror Picture Show of this generation?"

"I think you're overselling it just a bit." Raven replied.

"Sorry, I can't hear you over how much better I am than you because I've seen it and you haven't."

"…that doesn't even make any-"

Subarashii covered his ears while getting to his feet. "Blah blah blah."

He then marched over to the table. "And for the record, Graverobber kicks every kind of ass there is with only his voice."

He quickly snatched up the envelope on the table and opened it, reading the contents.

_Nothing particularly special about this one, just do what you've done until now and you should be fine._

_The story is a Maximum Ride fanfic called The flocks family life by zorua._

_Good luck._

Subarashii sighed as he headed back to his seat. "Again with Maximum Ride…"

Crona frowned. "That does pop up a lot, doesn't it…?"

"Well, if I'm right and our host is getting people to tell him what fics to give us, then at least one of his buddies is a huge Maximum Ride fan."

Subarashii flopped back down in his seat as the lights darkened and the show began.

/

**The Flock's Family Life**

Subarashii: Let's just go right ahead and assume there was a timeskip.

Raven: Let's.

**AN-this will be a long authors note that has some relavance in the story but not too much if you want you can skip it.**

Raven: Oh, there's a good sign…

**rose- how exactly do you plan to explain how ari is alive?**

Crona: Um…who's Rose?

Raven: And why is Ari alive?

Subarashii: Robot.

**me-a wizard did it?**

**rose-that wont work, most reads wont understand the referance.**

Subarashii: …what planet would you have to come from to not get that reference?

**max-that's true i've been with you for the past week and i still haven't got it.**

Raven: And here I thought Max was smarter than that…

**me-well it's a d&d referance.**

**rose-not everyone is a nerd like you zorua.**

Subarashii: Someone's clearly new to the internet…

**me- fine then. how about this? using this sonic screwdriver i made i shall use it to signal the doctor and using the tardis we will travel back to the point right before Ari dies and using his sonic screwdriver we will seprate Ari's human dna from his wolf dna.**

Crona: …so, this is only happening because the author said so?

Subarashii: Sure, why not?

**max and rose-doctor who?**

**me-exactly now scoot back so i can do this.**

All: *facepalm*

**(i pull out my sonic screwdriver and press it three quick times)**

**(the sound of a vacum cleaner with breathing problems fills the room)**

**the doctor-what do you want zorua?**

**me-we need to go back in time and save someone for my story so i can get these two off my back.**

**the doctor-hope in.**

Subarashii: "Screw around with time just so you can write your fanfic? Sounds like a barrel of laughs!"

**me-thank you. before we go will you open the door wide enough so i can see something.**

**(the doctor opens the door wide enough for max and rose to see inside)**

**max and rose-it's bigger on the inside!**

All: *facepalm again*

Subarashii: Goddammit…

**me-alright i can now die happy. i've always wanted to hear someone say that.**

Crona: Why not just watch the show…?

**let's go!**

**(I run into the tardis and we leave rose and max in an awkward silence)**

**(a few minutes pass)**

**max- do you think he'll be able to do it?**

**rose-yeah.**

Raven: "Oh, good. By the way, who are you?"

**(the vacum cleaner sound fills the room once more)**

**(i pull open the door of the tardis)**

**me-did it. now can we move onto the story?**

**max and rose-yes.**

Raven: So, just so we're clear: the explanation for how Ari is alive in this fanfic is because the author went back in time with Doctor Who and changed the timeline so that he lived, and no longer has wolf DNA. That's not a joke, that's not the author messing around. That's the actual explanation.

Crona: …wow.

Subarashii: What He Said.

*TVTropes references: 46*

**me- wait wait i have something i need you to do max.**

**max-what?**

**me-will you say the disclamer**

Raven: Oh, great…here we go…

**max-fine **_**DISCLAIMER: ZORUA DOES NOT OWN MAXIMUM RIDE OR DOCTOR WHO. HE DOES OWN A COUPLE DOZON ZORUAS IN POKEMON BLACK BUT THATS ABOUT IT!**_

Crona: *winces* That was unnecessary…

**me-thanks, please enjoy!**

**underline****=Angel's thoughts**

**Chapter 1 Sleeplessness**

**Nick-3 months old**

**(Max's pov)**

Raven: Wait, who the hell is Nick?

Crona: And why mention his age…?

Subarashii: …ohhhhhh…

**My eyelids were starting to become too hard for me to keep apart, much like when Iggy and Ella started dating.**

Crona: …huh?

Subarashii: *shrug*

**I mean we got more sleep when we were on the run. Don't get me wrong, I love my three month old Nick, it's just he wont stay asleep for more then an hour.**

Crona: …oh.

Raven: Timeskip and a child…somehow I have a feeling this is going to get botched pretty badly…

**Fang and I had gone back to taking watches, only this time it wasn't for security. The flock hadn't needed that for years, against all of my protests, it was so one of us could get some sleep. It hadn't taken us long to come to that conclusion. Angel and the rest of the flock and that included Ari had all tried to convinvce us that they should be able to watch over our young child.**

Raven: "We're still wondering how Ari came back to life, and why he showed up in a blue phone booth one day."

**We refused on every ocasion that they brought up the subject, we could raise this child on our own well they went out and lived their lives. I looked into the crib, Nick lay there sleeping peacefuly; a smile crept across my face. These were the times I lived for, this made all the screaming and crying worth it, to see him sleeping calm, happy, and clean. His life was going to be easier than ours I would make sure of that.**

Crona: …that's actually very sweet…

Subarashii: Surprisingly so.

**Nick jumped awake starting to fuss. My hands flew down picking him up, patting his back. Not even pausing to take a breath he began to cry, I hushed him, my hand circling slowly between his tiny light brown wings. His cries began to quiet, his head cradled into my neck. The smil that had left my lips when Nick first had woken up was now back and growing in intensity. "It'll be ok mommy's here, no one's going to harm you. Not while I'm around," I whispered sweetly to him. Once loud cries had dropped to just above wimpers. This was the quickest I had been able to calm him down. "I love you." I looked down at my baby still smiling glad to have a moment where he was awake and all was calm.**

Crona: …*sniffles*

Raven: …Crona? You OK?

Crona: Y-Yeah…just…the room's a bit dusty…

Subarashii: …really, kid?

**Putting him back down in the crib. I just sat there feeling the happiest I've been since my wedding day my sunny expresion shinning down onto my son.**

Subarashii: Hey, I thought Max was part bird, not part firefly!

**I don't know why but the thought occured to me then to tell him a story. Maybe that would help him get back to sleep? But which story should I tell him? The frog prince, red ridding hood, robin hood? No, all over done and pointless I have just the story it has everything action, humor, tragedy, romance.**

Raven: And you're going to tell him when he's three months old, and not when he's old enough to understand it. *thumbs-up* Way to go, Mom.

**"One day many years ago, on a sunny day much like today," I began thinking back to the day that started the story that I know more then well enough to tell my child without a book, the adventure of saving the world. I told him about going to pick strawberries, Angel getting kidnaped, the fight that followed an edited version anyway. Meeting Ella, and got all the way up to rejoining the flock. When I noticed he was asleep. I heard the door open behind me. I whirled around to see Angel and Ari standing in the door frame a concerned look on their faces.**

Raven: …wait.

Subarashii: What?

Raven: I just got a question about Angel/Ari earlier…so…

Crona: The author of this fic is one of our viewers…?

Subarashii: And going along with the idea that The Host is getting suggestions from our viewers…

Crona: He asked him to give us his own fic…?

Raven: …I'm more confused than annoyed right now…except I have the feeling Angel/Ari is going to be a couple for this fic…

**Angel and Ari took a step forward her's almost hesitant, compared to his slow and cautious almost as if they were scared of something. What happened? Was someone hurt? Did the Erasers, Flyboys, or Mgeeks find us? Did they take Gazzy? Oh my god they took Gazzy, poor Nudge she must be in so much pain right now. I began to leave the room to go comfort the flock member I thought to be in emotional stress at the moment.**

Raven: So, what was all that about them not having any threats to deal with anymore?

**'Max calm down no ones been hurt, and no one has been kidnaped. But there are some Erasers outside heading this way.'**** How many? ****'Ten or twenty shouldn't be to hard of a fight I would've gotten fang but he's still asleep.'**

Subarashii: Oh, gee, is that all?

**Why not Gazzy or Nudge? ****'I would but I think they're making out, and they have a mind block up and I don't dare walk into the room they're in. There is no way I'm taking the chance of walking in on them doing that... again.'**

Crona: …was that really necessary?

Subarashii: But yeah, just let them make out and possibly bone and stuff. It's not like there are any actual threats on the way or anything!

**Just the metion of that day a few months back; brought back bad and akward memories for everyone involved. Bad because Angel had walked in on her brother and her best friend doing something she found disgusting. Akward for Nudge, Gazzy, and I for the reason that Angel and fang had somehow convinced me into giving the two of them "the talk."**

Crona: Can you please not give details about that…?

**"I'll handle it," I said to aloud to both facts that we had just been dicusing a confused look on Ari's face. Angel turned to him a look of care and love in her face she may have only been fifteen but she acted much older then that. I guess our time on the run had forced to grow up quickly.**

Raven: And there we go…seriously, why do people feel like pairing up a seven-year old with…well, anyone?

Crona: But the fic says fifteen…

Raven: It's still weird. It'd be like saying Yotsuba Kowai paired with…well, anyone, would be OK so long as there was a timeskip.

Crona: *shudders* Y-Yeah…good point…

**I strolled out of the nursery thoughts of how I could threaten the two lovers raced through my mind. I aproached the door easily enough and came to a final decision about what to say to them. My face slammed down on the door. "Nudge, Gazzy you two better only be making out. If I find out it's anything more I'll ship you off to the school so fast, you wont know what hit you."**

Subarashii: Oh that's nice! Threaten to send them back to the place that tortured and experimented on you for years. That's real rational.

**"Come on Max don't you think we learned our lesson last time?" Gazzy complained his breath short quick gasps. Nudge's silence had me worried, but I didn't have the time.**

Subarashii: What is with Maximum Ride fic authors and the need to have the characters having sex?

Raven: …that could actually apply to most fandoms.

Crona: I-It definitely could…

Subarashii: Good point.

**The Erasers were more then likely almost here. I turned and flew down the stairs not literaly,**

Subarashii: Thanks for the clarification.

**I hit the bottom step and booked it to the door. The cool temprture of the knob chilled the hand that held the grasp on it. I yanked the door open creating an almost wind but to me it stil wasn't fast enough. Wings flew out from my back and I shot off the ground like a rocket. The world around me as I did a 360 trying to spot any Erasers. ****'There are no Erasers Max. You and Fang need a day to yourselves. Don't worry about Nick; Ari and I will watch him. Don't try to get back in we've locked all the doors and windoes. Now go pick up Fang he's still sleeping under the window that we dropped him out of.'**

Raven: …wow, get her all panicked about a group of enemies you supposedly haven't faced in years just so you can force them to have a day off. Great job, guys.

Crona: …now that I think about it, if the rest of The Flock were supposedly off living their own lives, why are they still living in the same house?

Subarashii: Plot con-

Raven: Right.

Crona: Of course.

**What? You dropped him out of a window? Why didn't you just wake him up? ****'We tried but he wouldn't wake up, besides if he had woken up we would have had to lie to him too. You know how nervous Ari gets around him, he's afraid Fang still hates him, there's no way we could hide the truth from him, it was just easier this way trust me.'**** Alright where is he? ****'Just outside your bedroom window.'**** You droped him from the second story? ****'Again Max, it was just easier and quicker then carrying him down the stairs. That's what we needed a quick way to get you both out of the hous. Besides you both have survived falls larger than that and come out completly unharmed before. When he wakes up he'll be a little sore is all.'**

Raven: "Which perfectly justifies the fact that we dropped him out of the window." Seriously, that'd be like me saying that me throwing Starfire off of the top of the tower would be OK, just because she can fly.

**She was right it didn't change the fact that I was majorly ticked at her but she was right. I made a mental note to get back at her later, and took off towards the back of the house. Sure enough just below our window Fang lay there almost crusing my rose bush, some how still asleep. In the old days Angel even touching him would have him jolping strait up gasping for breath his head shaking in every direction looking for the source of the danger. Was he really that tired? Was I?**

Raven: *yawns*

Subarashii: …well, that's a switch.

Raven: Sh-shut up…

**Arguing with myself I shot down like a bullet screeching to a halt just mere inches infront of my dear husband. "Fang?" I whispered tenderly trying to wake him up, he didn't stir. I landed and began to shake him, still nothing. I was starting to get worried what if Angel was wrong and the fall had hurt him badly? What if he was in a coma? What would Nick and I do?**

Raven: "I can safely say I wouldn't stop panicking over every little thing."

**I did the last thing I could think to do the air around my hand as it dropped made a nice little whistling sound at full speed landing down at full force hitting him dierectly on the cheek. He jolted upright rubbing the now red cheek looking around in all directions. "Max what's going on are we under attack? Take Nick and I'll stay here and hold them off!" The sentences that had just left his mouth were more then I had herd him say yesterday.**

Crona: We get it, he doesn't talk that much, thank you…

**"Fang everything is fine, well kind of. Angel and Ari kicked us out of the house for the day." He looked back at me an eyebrow raised. "We can't get back in they've locked all the doors and windows. So come on we might as well find a place to go relax for the rest of the day; since there's no way Gazzy or Nudge will let us back in their both mad at me." I stated grabbing his hand and pulling him up to his feet. "I sometime wish that those two men hadn't dropped from the sky in that confusing blue box and saved Ari. Honestly if I ever see them again remind me to kick both their asses. Angel wasn't as devious before he joined us."**

Crona: …wait, that actually did happen?

Subarashii: …_what the fuck_?

Raven: I was just joking when I said that! I didn't mean you should actually use that! What the hell, author?

**Wow today was a special day; Fang was just talking up a storm.**

Raven: Must you keep using that?

**Why did Iggy and Ella choose this week to go on vacation? They would have let us know; I just know it. We took off heading for the forest, looking for a tree with a branch big enough for the two of us. I know there was one; before Nick had been born we had come out here almost every weekend, it may have only been three months in reality but it felt like years to me. "There it is," Fang pointed just to the left of us, at a large tree. My cheeks began to heat up, turning a bright red. I flet like such an idiot how could I forget this spot? It was so special this is where we had our wedding, hell it's the spot he proposed to me here.**

Subarashii: You forgot because drama said so. It's annoying, having to follow its every whim, isn't it?

**We quickly and comfortably landed on the branch. Snugling into Fang's arms, I pulled my head up meeting Fang's eyes. "I love you." I whispeared my eyes strting to droop. "I love you too. Now go to sleep." He replied before quickly and quietly drited off to a much needed sleep.**

Subarashii: "And I'll be sure to wake you up if any time-travelling aliens show up again."

**AN-there it is the first story in this series, again sorry about that authors note. anyone who get the refferences made through out the chapter did i do good, and anyone who doesnt get them go on youtube or netflix. it's a great series again the tittle is doctor who.**

Subarashii: …you're telling people on the Internet to look up Doctor Friggin' Who. …you're kidding, right?

**Please please review**

**tell me how to improve**

**if you liked it**

**or just any ideas for chapters that you have**

**-zorua**

Crona: You could start by not using an author's note to explain the plotholes…

**(AN)** **first off I would like to thank these people for favoriting my story Thunder 48 crystalcay Bizzy98 these people did a story aleart Bizzy98 Thunder48 and these people reviewed Bizzy98 Thunder48 and to Bizzy98 I thank you for also favoriting and reviewing my other story the flock's good-bye, I consider you a friend on here. and as so i will now give you a virtual cookie for yu patience with my insanity (::) enjoy it you really deserve it**

Crona: …but that's just two brackets with two colons in between them…

Raven: Well, it's not like he could put a picture of a real cookie there…

**Now onto the author's note that everybody who reviewed thinks i should keep doing. and again to get alot of the references you should look up doctor who. I'll try to make it so the story doesn't have as many if you want but no promises. again if you want to skip it you can no realivince to the chapter this time.**

Crona: What is the point of an author's note, anyway?

Raven: I'm guessing it's to give any necessary details about the fic itself, or on an update delay, or something to that effect.

Crona: …so what does it actually get used for?

Subarashii: Needless rambling of completely insane writers.

**me-rose hide me max is going to kill me!**

**rose-(raises eyebrows)ok...? what did you do this time?**

Subarashii: "I forgot to tell her who you are!"

**me-it's something i did to angel this chapter.**

**rose-you better not have killed angel off! she's too cute!**

Raven: For once, I agree with the OC…

Subarashii: *sneezes*

**me-no! it wasn't that i swear, i just... lets say in this chapter max has to explain something about hte facts of life to nick!**

**rose-(raises her eyebrows again) wait a second...which 'facts of life' are you talking about?**

Subarashii: Take a wild guess, airhead!

**Zorua me-umm when you guessed something about death you were about as cold as you could get. (starts sweating)**

**rose-(thinking)The opposite of death would be... life...so...(no longer thinking anymore and is now yelling) YOU DIDN'T!**

**me-well let's just say for me the pandorica has opened**

Crona: …what's a "pandorica"?

Raven: I think he meant to say "Pandora".

**rose-(sighs and shakes head) well i sure as heck ain't going to hide you. you got YOURSELF into this.**

**me-should i call the daoctor?(i look over my shoulder)**

**rose-(shrugs)i doubt even the doctor can get you out of this one (points) look! there's max!**

**max-(looks compleetely scary as she's pretty much charging at me)ZO-RU-A!**

**me-ahh!(i pull out my sonic screwdriver and begin to franticly push the button on it)**

**rose-(sighs and stands back so she doesn't get ran over by max as she closes in on me)**

**(the fimilar sound of a vacum cleaner with breathing problems fills the room once again)**

**me-i'm saved**

**rose-what's with that noise?**

**me-it's the tardis i'm saved**

**rose-(confused)the star dust?**

**me-no the tardis it stands for time and realitive demension in space**

Subarashii: We know what the bloody TARDIS stands for!

**rose-oh! it's that one doctor what's-it's thing you told me about, huh?**

**me-yes you've seen it before you knew (ducks just barley missing as max lunges at him and drops his sonic scrediver without notcing)**

**rose-(notices this then grins and picks it up hidding it behind her back)**

**me-do you remember what it is now?(looks left and right trying to spot the tardis)**

**rose-yeah forgot about what it was called for a minute(laughs a bit as max continues trying to hit him, cursing whenever he would dodge)**

**me-i don't think i ever really told you. it's not your fault look there it is. (i point just to the left of me and rose.)**

**rose-(glances over)well... that was lucky for you.**

**me-yeah it is(runs over to the tardis and starts knocking on the door to the tardis) Doctor, doctor! please let me in! max is going to kill me!**

**the doctor-sorry zorua but this is one of those points in history that i can not change**

Subarashii: "Now, altering history so one character from Maximum Ride could live so you could put him in a pairing? That I can do!"

Raven: Don't remind me…

**max-(evil aura)i ain't letting you escape THAT eaisily!**

**me-please doctor! if i die she will kill you next and before you say you will regenerate she's been watching doctor who and knows how to permenatly kill a timelord... permanatly**

Subarashii: Now that is some fresh bullshit right there!

**rose-you said permenatly twice(laughs a bit at zorua being flustered and makes no attempts to help him)**

**me-we should be safe in here for now**

**max-(evil grin and pulls out lock picking tool)**

**rose-(grins)good idea(goes about helping max pick the lock)**

**me-did they say something?**

**the doctor-not sure they were too quiet.**

**me-where is my sonic scredriver?**

**max-(grins as she works at picking the lock, the sound of metal on metal heard subtly, but still hearable in the tardis)**

**the doctor-are they picking the lock?**

**me-where did i put it?(i search for my sonic screwdriver franticly)**

**rose-(fiddles with the screwdriver)i wonder if i could make this thing open the door... if i could figure out how to is.**

**max-(curses when she messes up and has to start over)**

**me-seriously doctor did yo u see my sonic scredriver i could have sworn that i had it when i came in here (i drop to the floor searching for it)**

Crona: Why would he know where it is? And how did you get one, anyway…?

Raven: Special author privileges, I'm betting.

**rose-(curse) how the heck do i get this thing to work!**

**the doctor-aren't you worried about what happens when they get through that door? did you hear rose?**

**me-you don't think?(i begin trembling)**

**max-(grins when she get the locked picked)VICTORY!**

**rose-Awesome!(is still messing with the sonic screwdriver in irratation)**

**me-hide in the pool?**

**the doctor-that's what i'm thinking.**

**me-will you do the disclaimer?**

**the doctor-why?**

**max-(grins and slams the door open) zorua (voice has a superficial sweetness, but mainly a frightening undertone)**

**me-i would get max to do it but since she's about to kill us... i thought it would be smarter to have you do it.**

**the doctor-fine. DISCLAIMER: IN NO WAY DOES ZORUA OWN MAXIMUM RIDE, DOCTOR WHO, OR SESAME STREET.**

Raven: What does Sesame Street have to do about this?

Subarashii: …I swear to God, if he brings Sesame Street into this, _I will make a mass grave for everyone in his family tree_!

**AS A MATTER OF A FACT HE DOESN'T EVN REALLY OWN THE LAPTOP THIS IS BEING TYPED UP ON HE DOES HOWEVER OWN PORTAL 2 HE ACTUALY DOES ALSO OWN AND NOW ANGEL'S BABY WHOEVER THAT MIGHT BE.**

Raven: …Angel's _WHAT_?

Crona: …oh, this is not good…

**that good?**

**me-yeah now on to the story and assuming that we are still alive we'll talk to the readers about our situation.**

Subarashii: "Because they clearly care about that!"

**rose-(relaizes that max got in and follows her in, STILL fiddling with the sonic scredriver, having just figuring out the frequency changes, just not sure which frequency does what)**

**me-crap that's what i was afraid of. enjoy the story anyway and if we survive we'll tell you our plan to we survive this.**

**chapter 2 Explanations**

**Nick-3**

**Nick's pov**

Crona: Wait…if Nick is learning "the facts of life"…is he still the same age…?

Raven: Considering the author saw fit to give Angel a _baby_, I wouldn't be surprised if he was…

**Mommy left Auntie Angel's room looking sad. Tears rolled down her cheeks. Her eyes didn't hold the usual smile that told me that everything was ok. She didn't even see me until I ran towards her forcing my power to disappear turn itself off. My power was much like Daddy's with the exeception of the fact he had learned to be able to move and not reappear.**

Subarashii: "Until I get fifteen more powers like Auntie Angel!"

Crona: W-We are sure Angel isn't a Mary Sue, right…?

**"Mommy is everything ok?" I asked worried that something bad ahd happened to Auntie Angel. Much like in the stories Mommy told me every night before I went to sleep.**

Raven: Mother of the Year, ladies and gentlemen. Telling her baby the horrific stories of the torture and genetic experimentation that she and her family went through. Great job.

**She gave me a smile, wipping tears from her brown eyes. "Everything is alright sweety. I'm just a little upset with your aunt right now." "Why? Did she do something wrong? Did she eat the last of the chocolate chip cookies?" I loved my Mommy it's just when it comes to cookies Mommy can be like cookie monster on sesame street,**

Crona: Oh, that's all…

Subarashii: …consider yourself lucky, author. You get to see tomorrow.

**but the question still remains what had Auntie Angel done? Everyone seemed to be either sad or mad at her right now. Uncle Gazzy hadn't talked to hwer since she had told every one something big durring one of my naptimes last week. "No nothing like that. She just did something she knew she shouldn't have been doing." "What do you mean Mommy?" "Your aunt is having a baby."**

Raven: *twitch* Of course…

**She whispered wrapping her arms around my shoulders pulling me into a tight hug. Isn't that a good thing? I'll have someone to play with. I wanted Mommy to know my thoughts on this subject so maybe Auntie Angel wouldn't be in so much trouble anymore, and everyone would release that this was a time to be happy. It's just another thought came to me and it seemed more important at the time then the other two thoughts. It was something I wanted to know and I wanted to know it now. "Where do babbies come from?" I asked more like mumbled into her shirt. Her hug didn't break but it wasn't as tight anymore something had changed in our little talk. Should I not have asked that question? Was it one of those things that mommies and daddies would say that they would tell you when you are older?**

Raven: Yes, and that's for a reason!

Subarashii: Wait a minute…if he's only three months old, how is he talking?

Crona: …_STU_!

**"Well honey you see when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much..." She paused at this point pulling back from my shoulders and looking me in the eyes. "They go for a long walk, or in our case fly for a long time, until they find a tree or a cave and lie down in or on it and fall asleep. If they are lucky while they are sleeping a hawk will find them and place the baby in the mommy's tummy then nine months later the baby is ready to come out and is born."**

Crona: …do parents usually lie to their kids about that…?

Subarashii: Could you honestly imagine having to explain how it worked to a little kid?

Crona: Ragnarok had no problem explaining it to me when I was little…

Subarashii & Raven: …

Crona: …what?

**Why was everyone so mad at Auntie Angel? As if she had been told what I was thinking she countinued on. "Well your Aunt is only 18 and is in no way ready for the responcibility that having this baby needs. Besides she knew the dangers of sleeping in a cave with Uncle Ari but she did it anyway."**

Subarashii: See? She's eighteen now, so she's of age. Nothing to worry about, Raven.

Raven: It's still weird.

Crona: Why's that…?

Raven: It's just weird to picture in my head. …and a bit disturbing.

Subarashii: Oh, come on, you're just blowing this out of proportion.

Raven: Adult Chiyo Mihama with child.

Subarashii & Crona: GAH!

Subarashii: OK, OK, you proved your point!

**"She loves him nad wanted to show him that." "Does this mean that the baby is bad?" "No," she corrected me gently, "it's not the baby's fault, and Aunt Angel isn't a bad person. I just thought that I had taught her to use protection if she was going to do something like that." That last part I don't think that Mommy meant for me to hear, she had muttered it almost too quietly for me to hear.**

Subarashii: …are you purposely trying to make things awkward now?

**"What's po-tekt-shin?" I tried to mimic, I say try to 'cause it's a big word. I've never been good with words bigger then staple and even then I struggle with the way it sounds. I was almost sure that this was one of those things that I would have to wait until I was older to hear about. What Mommy said next I hadn't been ready for. "It's something you can use to stop the Hawk from getting the baby in the mommy's stomach like a gun or a stick. Now why don't you go visit your Aunt Angel I'm sure she would enjoy the company."**

Raven: "I just gave you a wonderful visual, now go see your aunt."

**She stated as she pulled herself from my body and began to push me in the direction of Auntie Angel's room. I was happy to, I hadn't spooken to her since she told every one else about the baby,**

Crona: Why would you want to spook her when she's so upset…?

**and know that I knew about it maybe I could talk to her about my new friend she carried in her belly. My steps quick and light as I could manage to while aproaching the door. My hand the soft wood of Auntie's door three quick times. "Come in," came a voice that sounded like it had been crying. My hand tried to raise up to the doorknob, missing it by several inches. Even if I were stand on my tiptoes I would still fall an inch of even brushing the ball that would open the door. I still tried though, having to give up, after my third try of jumping at the doorknob. "I can't reach the doorknob," I whined crossing my arms over my chest. "Auntie Angel, will you help me?" A pleased sigh came floating through the door. I was Auntie Angel's favorite, even though I was the only kid at the moment and to tell the truth. She's my favorite too.**

Subarashii: Sounds like someone's developing some mommy issues.

**"That's what your mom used to say too. But at this point I'm not so sure," Auntie Angel said the door to her cotton candy pink room swinging open.**

Crona: …huh?

Subarashii: Mind reader, remember?

Crona: Oh, yeah…

**How could she think that I may only be three but even I knew that Mommy loved Auntie Angel no matter what she did. In the stories she's told me she's always made it clear that I may have been her first blood related child but Auntie Angel was the first thing she ever thought of as a child. "I know that minnie Fang," she used her pet name for me not given for the fact that I looked alot like my dad as a kid;**

Crona: …I thought Minnie was a girl's name…

Raven: Probably meant "mini" there…

**though I did but for the reason of Nick being my dad's old alias and that I'm short compared to the heights the rest of the flock was at this age. "It's just I've really messed up this time. Your mom has lost her trust in me and my own brother wont even stay in the same room as me much less talk to me. Your Aunt Nudge and Ella will talk to me but wont look me in the eyes like they're ashamed to have me in the family. Ari is so afraid of your dad since we told everybody he hasn't been anywhere near me. Iggy and you have been the nicest to me." She sobbed grabbing me in one of the hugs only my family and our super strength can do. All the air was pushed out of my body. "Sorry," she cried Lightening up her hug on me.**

Subarashii: Wow, that's not an overreaction at all! I mean, yeah, it was a pretty dumb move on her part, but not worth a disowning or anything!

Crona: Is this because of the Rule of Drama?

*TVTropes references: 47*

Subarashii: Yeah, I gue-DAMMIT!

**"Auntie Angel you have nothing to feel bad about. It's the rest of the flock that should feel bad for the way that they have all treated you... well maybe not Uncle Ari, I mean my dad is pretty scary when something is bugging him. It's not fair to treat you like this when you are carrying my first friend. Come on Auntie let's go make them say they are sorry, and if they don't I'll make them stand in the corner!" I said getting mad for the first time in my life. I had meant every word of what I had just said. First we would deal with Uncle Gazzy he has hurt Auntie Angel the most he's her brother and he's done all this. "Minnie Fang, I'm alright really just stressed about this whole thing." "No," I stoped her looking deeply into her blue eyes, "they did wrong this time. They have to face up to what they did. I have to do it when I break a rule or hurt somebodies feelings, so should they." With that I grabbed her hand and dragged to each room that held a flock member and made them feel so bad I even had Mom and Dad in tears and saying they were sorry. It didn't feel good looking in their eyes as they cried but I knew it was the right thing to do, and with that everyone was no longer angry with Auntie Angel, but it still did take a few days for Uncle Ari to get the co-er-age to talk to Aunti Angel again but that's just because he was still afraid of what my daddy would do to him.**

Subarashii: …so, to recap, the three-year old somehow convinced his overreacting family to forgive his aunt's unintended pregnancy to the point where he got his own parents to cry.

Crona: *groans* Now the Stus are coming in younger and younger…

**AN**

**me-well the doctor and i are still alive when we were in the pool we found a door that is leading us down a tunnel. max isn't too far behind us and shde has rose with my sonic scredriver with her. wish us luck**

**max-(looking around the pool area for them, irratated) zorua, come out now.** **me-this is zorua signing off hoping to be back well and alive soon. remember:**

**review to tell me what you thought**

**if you got the refferences**

**if you have any ideas for chapters**

Raven: Maybe if you spent more time focusing on your actual story instead of this pointless misadventure in your author's notes, this story could move up to "passable"…

**AN~sorry that the author's note was so long this time you can hate me if you want to because of how short the chapter was in comparison i swear to you all that this wont happen again just don't hate me for too long also the last part of my revew statement is true i need new ideas for chapters.**

Crona: You could start with a plot…that's usually a good place to start…

**alright guys there wont be anymore long authors notes for one reason Silvenain Rose the one who writes for rose and i are writing a kingdom hearts story.**

Subarashii: What, giving up on your Doctor Who misadventure?

Raven: Don't give him ideas.

**also i am so sorry for the wait between chapters i've had stuff going on such as a fan falling on my head. no joke i had my dining room fan fall on my head i'm ok it just hurt alot. anyway i'll see you at the bottom.**

Subarashii: Did it knock some skill into you? …stupid question, I know.

**Chapter 3-Expecting**

**Nick-6**

**Nick's pov**

Subarashii: Thanks for giving us his age this time.

**My Uncle Iggy and Aunt Ella had big new for our family. I wonder what it could be. Mom, Granma, and Aunt Angel must've already known because their whispering about something. I was only able to pick up on this small part. "Angel can you confirm it?" "No, Max they both have a mind blocks up. Much like you and Fang did when you told us about..." Aunt Angel had begun but that's as far as I was able to get for at that moment Lisa Aunt Angel's three year old chose to come up to me to go and play with her. Lisa was cute normaly but when I looked over to her and saw the bambie eyes I knew I was sunk. Out of all the things that my parents have passed down to me the worst one is definatly the weakness to the bambie eyes. It was over before it had begun and she knew it.**

Crona: "Bambi eyes"? Is that anything like the puppy eyes…?

Subarashii: 'Tis a dangerous power, Crona. Many have misused it for their own selfish desires, and in doing so, have caused irreparable damage to others. Tread carefully with it, Crona. For while it is a dangerous power, it is also a great one.

Crona: …so…with this great power-

Subarashii: Comes Great Responsibility. As it always does.

*TVTropes references: 48*

Subarashii: *looks at screen* Why yes, I am making up for lost time. Why do you ask?

Crona: …wait, what makes you think I-

Subarashii: Moving on!

**She began to lead the way not even waiting for me to say yes and I followed close behind my head low in defeat towards her room. "Can you beweive it?" She asked aproaching her door. Believe what? "About Aunty Ewwa." She answered happily not even bothering to turn around. I shot a look around the hallway we were in. It was empty it was at times like this when the fact that the only power Aunt Angel had passed down to her daughter was the mind reading could be considered a bad thing because she had to respond to me by talking. But still she knew! How did she know? Aunt Angel said that Both Uncle Iggy and Aunt Ella had mind Blocks up. "Uncy Iggy always had one up, but Aunty Ewwa's was up Onwy when Mommy was awound."**

Subarashii: Not like it's totally obvious anyways…

**I was getting ready to ask her what they were hidding when my mom called us from downstairs. "Nick, Lisa! Get down here Ella, and Iggy are ready to share the news." She yelled from the living room. We both took off as fast as we could. I wanted to know what the secret was badly. I was thankful we were on the second floor. Lisa and I flew down the stairs not actualy flew but pretty close.**

Crona: Do you have to keep clarifying that…?

**We touched the bottom floor at about the same time and stood by my mom and dad. Everyone was there except Uncle Gazzy and Aunt nudge who were away on their honey moon. UNcle Iggy and Aunt Ella stood in the front of the room both smiling. "Thank you all for being here or in Gazzy and Nudge's case accepting our call. That's part of the reason it took us so long to be ready to tell you wwe've been on the phone for the last few hours tracking them down." Apologozies could be heard from the phone somewhere in the room. Aunt Ella took a breath befor continuing, "I know you guys have been waiting so here goes... I'm pregnant!"**

All: WHAT A TWIST!

**"Congrats." That's what Dad said highfiving Uncle Iggy, Mom hugged Aunt Ella.**

Subarashii: "We're totally OK with this despite practically disowning Angel when it happened to her!"

**"I already knew," Lisa giggled sending the room into silence. Uncle Iggy looked confused. "But Ella and I have had mind blocks up ever since we found out." He stated looking in the general area of his wife. "Not Aunty Ewwa evewy time Mommy wasn't awound he mind bwocker would disapar like Mike does sometimes."**

Crona: …who's Mike?

Subarashii: Did they make another one off-screen?

**She said clearing up the mystery when Aunt Ella heard this her face went bright red and she began to cry. "How could I forget that Lisa can read minds?" She sobed into her hands.**

Subarashii: Oh, that's a normal reaction…

**"I'm sowwy Aunty I didn't know I wan't subpose to know. I didn't teww no one dough," she apologized hugging onto our crying aunt. One thought kept running through my mind as I was seeing this though. Was she going to take this cousin getting the attetion better then I did?**

Crona: DUN DUN DUN!

Subarashii: …really, dude?

Crona: I-I still need a running gag…

**...**

**...**

**...** **No way I was beat to the bottom again. how does this keep happening?** **Anyway that aside this chapter is short but i think that it's th only way i can start updating regularly instead of another two month wait. all you eggy and nazzy fans out there you go i finaly got them together and married but next chapter i promise you will finaly see gazzy and nudge instead of only hearing them or atleast the characters will you will read about it. also i promised two upcoming chapters wont happen for a little bit though i want to do more adventures with Mike and Lisa first. Like maybe Lisa's first flight? how does that sound? anyway please review because if you review i will update so much faster i swear until next time.** **-zurua**

Crona: When did he get a name change…?

Subarashii: Who? Nick or the author?

Crona: …both?

/

The lights slowly came back on as the group laid back, collectively thankful the story was over.

"…to be totally fair, that wasn't _too_ bad." Subarashii began. "Sure, overall it was pretty much terrible. The OC child was pretty Stuish, and there wasn't much of a plot beyond "people make babies", but there were flashes of decent work in there."

"Y-Yeah…" Crona continued. "If it focused more on Max and Fang raising a baby Nick, rather than Nick himself, it probably would've turned out a lot better…"

"I still can't believe you actually choked up at the start."

"I-It was just dust!"

"Uh-huh…"

The two of them then frowned at each other, realizing that something was amiss. They turned to look over at the third reviewer, who had been oddly quiet.

Raven was leaning forward in her chair, her hair obscuring her face. Her head seemed to be bobbing up and down slightly, the only sound coming from her being her breathing.

Subarashii and Crona looked back at one another, the both of them clearly concerned. Subarashii then leaned past Crona, staring at Raven.

"Oi! Raven!"

Raven gave a quick intake of breath, sitting up in her seat and shaking her head. She looked at the two of them.

"W-What? You two pretty much covered everything."

Subarashii tilted his head. "…you alright, Raven?"

Raven sighed, rubbing her eyes. "Yes, I'm fine. I was just letting you two talk, that's all. I didn't have anything to add."

"You sure? 'Cause it doesn't look like you're fine."

Subarashii blinked as he suddenly felt his hat leave his head. He then felt in suddenly smack him on the top of the head.

"Hey!" he shouted, reaching up and grabbing it, putting it back where it belonged. "What have I said about the hat?"

"That was for calling me "Rae" earlier." Raven responded.

Subarashii gave an angry snort, getting to his feet. "Fine, whatever. Have it your way. I'll see you guys later."

He headed up the stairs and out the door, grumbling something about "ungrateful teenagers" all the way.

Crona watched him go, frowning while doing so.

_He's still the same as always…if Raven's right, it'll be happening next time, and he's not even slightly concerned. It doesn't make any sense. Why isn't he worried? Raven was a nervous wreck while she was thinking about it…_

He sighed, still staring at where Subarashii had gone. _Maybe he really doesn't know…or maybe he just doesn't care…Raven should have some idea what-_

He was quickly brought out of his thoughts when he felt something fall onto his shoulder. He turned his head and very quickly flushed brightly.

Raven's head had fallen onto his shoulder, her eyes closed and her breathing coming at a slow, calm rate. She had clearly fallen asleep.

…_is this really happening?_ Crona wondered. _Didn't I just go through this not long ago…?_

He looked around the room, half-believing that the cameras were still on and people could see this right now. Not only would Raven be embarrassed once she woke up, but the idea that people could be watching them while this was going on would only make that worse.

_Still…she was really tired…I should just leave her alone…_

There was still a lot to talk about. The concern that Subarashii was next in line was still looming over their heads, and his lack of worry about it only made things even more confusing. Crona also had his own problems to think about, not the least of which being what he'd learned not too long ago.

He looked at Raven, noticing that she had a somewhat peaceful look on her face. It was the first time he had seen her like this, without any actual cares to bother her. It didn't feel right to disturb that.

Though there was a lot to talk about, for the time being, it could wait.

/

OK then, that's another review out of the way! Hope I wasn't too rough on you, zorua!

So, in case I didn't make it clear already, next time will be another guest star episode! Who's it gonna be?

…I'm not gonna tell you! You'll just have to guess!

At any rate, more recommendations and fanmail is always welcome!

See you in a few!


	21. Quality

_BOOM_!

Subarashii fell out of his seat as the ship suddenly rocked from the force of the impact.

"Howlett! Status report!"

"For the last time, it's _Logan_!" James Howlett, aka Logan, aka Wolverine yelled back.

"Whatever! What's going on? Are we still in one piece?"

"The impact knocked us off course, but the damage has been minimal!"

"Wilson!" Subarashii barked, turning to another member of his crew. "Get a visual up ASAP! I want to know what the hell just hit us!"

"Aye aye, mon capitane!" Wade Wilson, aka Deadpool shouted back.

"Brown!" Subarashii shouted, turning to another crewmate. "Get the shields up and running at maximum power! Whatever's decided to pick a fight with us, we can't take any chances!"

"Right, sir!" Doctor Emmitt Brown replied, quickly turning to his control panel.

"Kiddo!" Subarashii yelled, turning to yet another crewmember. "As soon as we figure out what's attacking us, I want you to start firing those cannons like our lives depended on it, got me?"

"Loud and clear!" Beatrix Kiddo shouted back.

"Winnfield!" Subarashii called, looking at another member. "I need battle strategies, and I need 'em now!"

"How can you expect me to come up with something when we don't even know what we're up against?" Jules Winnfield shouted back. "I ain't a motherfuckin' miracle worker here!"

"Well you're our resident holy man, so who else am I going to turn to for some goddamn miracles?"

"Maybe someone who's willing to tolerate you blaspheming every five minutes!"

"_You're_ the one who says "motherfucker" like it's going out of style!"

"Captain!"

"_WHAT_?" Subarashii yelled, turning the source of the voice.

"Sheesh, so sorry for interrupting your oh-so-important talk, Cap." Deadpool responded, holding his hands up in front of him.

Subarashii sighed. "Visual, Wilson. What's going on?"

"Well…you're not going to like it."

Subarashii raised an eyebrow. "Do I ever like it?"

"Well, when you're in the mood to be all gung-ho and stuff-"

"OK, OK. What is it?"

Deadpool sighed, the rest of the crew hanging on his every word.

"It's the sharks, sir. They've made it to space."

The room grew deathly quiet as Deadpool's words hung in the air. Subarashii looked around at his crewmembers, each of them clearly afraid of what was coming for them.

"Alright, alright, nobody panic!" Subarashii ordered. "There has to be a misunderstanding, we know sharks can't breathe in space-"

"Um, actually, that's not all." Deadpool interrupted.

"…you mean to tell me there's more?"

"Well…the reason that they're breathing is that they're…kinda, sorta…undead."

Subarashii stared at Deadpool in disbelief. He placed his hands on his shoulders, looking directly at him.

"Wade…are you trying to tell me that we're fighting space-faring zombie sharks?"

"More or less."

"…show me."

Deadpool led Subarashii over to the computer panel, quickly pressing a few buttons. They and the rest of the crew looked up at the screen as their new enemies appeared.

Subarashii grimaced as he saw the sharks floating in the emptiness of space, acting as though they had never left the waters of Earth. What was truly disturbing was the decay. Bits and pieces of the sharks were floating around them, somehow still chained to their general areas despite being detached from their bodies. Some were missing fins, some of them had only a few teeth, others were missing huge chunks of skin. One of them clearly had an intestine dangling out underneath it, while another's ribs were visible.

One shark that was directly ahead of them seemed to be the leader of the pack, if only because it was slightly ahead of the rest of them. One of its eyes was missing, and the other was purely white. Chunks of its flesh were missing, but what remained was deathly pale, almost impossible for a normal shark. Its mouth opened and closed, almost in anticipation of hunting down the prey waiting inside of the ship.

But what was truly disturbing to Subarashii were the sheer numbers in front of them. Sharks seemed to be surrounding the entire ship, leaving few gaps for any chance to escape. And from what Subarashii could see, more sharks were on their way, trailing behind the main force by quite a bit.

"OK…" Subarashii began. "Everybody stay calm."

"We're actually pretty calm already, bub." Logan remarked.

"Well, not everyone here has magical healing powers like you and Wilson, so they have more reason to panic."

"Captain?" a voice called out.

Subarashii looked up to see a blue light shining down from the ceiling.

"What is it, Wheatley?"

"I've done some calculations regarding the odds of us making it through this in one piece, and going by the sheer number of enemies, multiplied by their inability to die outside of destruction of the brain, their intense desire to eat you all, and the possibility of them being able to turn you into zombies as well-"

"Dammit Wheatley, I keep telling you: English!"

"…your English or my English?"

"_My_ English, motherfucker!"

"_HEY_!" Jules shouted.

"Shut up!" Subarashii replied.

Wheatley sighed. "Alright, in your English: We be royally fucked."

Subarashii looked up at Wheatley, clearly exasperated by everything that he heard today.

"…Wheatley, remind me again why I brought you into this crew?"

"…my charming personality and cute accent?"

"Sounds right to me." Beatrix commented.

Subarashii sighed. "Is this really the time, Kiddo?"

Beatrix simply shrugged in reply.

Subarashii turned around to face the crew, crossing his arms and showing a defeated look on his face.

"…alright folks. We all knew this day was going to come sooner or later. It was just a matter of time. …but I'm not going to lie to you and say that I expected it to be this bad. We're outnumbered, we're unprepared, and we're up against one of the most horrifying concepts ever conjured."

The room grew quiet again, each member realizing the severity of the situation. After a short while, Deadpool spoke.

"Um, isn't this the part where you talk about how we're still going to beat them because we're friggin' awesome?"

"When I can think of an appropriate speech that doesn't feel like me just placating everyone, I'll be happy to share."

Subarashii then turned to Emmitt Brown. "Doc, get those shields up at full power pronto. Maybe we can make it through if we keep our defenses strong."

Doc nodded, turning to his control panel. Subarashii then looked at Jules.

"Winnfield…now would be a really good time for you to ask God for a favour."

Jules crossed his arms. "Frankly, I don't think he's on speaking terms with you."

"Tell him I'll build a church or something if he saves our asses."

"Captain!" Doc Brown suddenly called out. "We're getting a transmission!"

Subarashii turned to look at Doc. "From who?"

"…Great Scott, it's Williams!"

Subarashii ran over to him. "Are you sure?"

"Absolutely!"

A grin came over Subarashii's face, before he looked back at Jules.

"Winnfield, tell God I said thanks, and then get over to Kiddo's position at the cannons! Clear a pathway for Williams to get through!"

Jules nodded, running over to another panel.

"Kiddo, get below deck and get the others into battleships! Wipe out as many sharks as you can so Williams can get over here!"

Beatrix nodded and started heading out of the room.

"Wait!" Subarashii called, suddenly remembering something.

Beatrix stopped. "What?"

"Whatever you do, do _not_ let Oliver pilot! We can't afford to lose any more ships!"

Beatrix sighed. "Shouldn't you be a bit more respectful to a former Power Ranger?"

"I don't care if he was five different Rangers, the man has a habit of blowing up machines! I'm not about to have him go on a suicide run when we have a chance of getting through this!"

Beatrix shook her head, but ran out of the room regardless.

"Everyone else, maintain your positions! We've got a fighting chance and we can't waste it!"

Subarashii sat back in his seat, eyes on the screen in front of him.

The battle was hectic, both sides losing members. A number of times the ship was rocked by another attack, the sharks somehow being able to pass through the shields. Before long, though, another ship could be seen in the distance.

"There he is!" Subarashii called out. "Clear a pathway for him! I want him on this ship _now_!"

Subarashii watched as lazers lanced out into space, vaporizing a number of sharks that were directly in the ship's way. The ship raced toward Subarashii's own, soon making contact with it.

Subarashii leapt out of his seat and tore out of the room, heading down to the docking station. He skidded to a halt just in time for a bright flash of light to illuminate the area.

The light soon faded, and a smile came over Subarashii's face as he saw the figure standing in its place.

"Mr. Williams, you have no idea how happy I am to see you."

"I'm gonna go on a limb and guess that you're pretty fucking ecstatic." Ashley J. Williams responded.

Subarashii grinned, walking over to Ash. "This is perfect. There's absolutely no chance for us to lose to these freaks with you here-"

"Whoa, hang on a sec, kid." Ash interrupted, walking over to him and placing a hand on his shoulder. "There's something I've got to tell you."

Subarashii blinked in surprise. "What?"

"Everyone on this ship is going to die."

Subarashii stared at Ash in disbelief, not understanding why he would suddenly say that.

"…what the hell are you talking about? We've got you! We've got two immortal Canadian mutants! We've got two former assassins, one of them with a sword made by Hattori Hanzo! We've got a scientist that perfected time travel, a Personality Core, and a former Power Ranger, among others! And we've got you! The most badass demon hunter who ever lived! How could we lose?"

Ash looked away from Subarashii, only putting him even more on edge.

"…easy."

When Ash looked back at Subarashii, his eyes widened. Ash's face had changed to one that Subarashii had seen before. One that he knew all too well.

One that he could never forget.

"It's because you aren't good enough."

/

Subarashii let out a gasp, sitting up in his bed. His breathing came out in short, ragged breaths, the last images of his dream still vibrantly clear in his mind.

He looked around his darkened room, slowly awakening fully. There were no sharks, no fellow crewmembers, no real threat. Everything was back to the way it normally was.

He was alone again.

_It's because you aren't good enough._

Subarashii snarled as the words resurfaced in his mind. Without a word, he got off of his bed and started to get dressed.

_You aren't good enough._ He pulled on his pants, doing up the belt shortly afterwards.

_You haven't ever been good enough._ He slipped on his boots, doing up the straps.

_What makes you think you ever will be good enough?_ He pulled his white shirt on.

_What makes you think you can match these expectations?_ He slipped into his long white coat, adjusting the collar slightly.

He stopped, looking at his mirror that hung on the wall beside his bed. His trusty hat sat on the dresser beside it, close to him so that no one else could touch it without him knowing.

He stared at his reflection, looking at his weary eyes and tired expression. He thought about how many of his dreams ended in such a fashion. That one face telling him what he felt to be true.

_It's because you aren't good enough._

Subarashii growled, reaching beside him and grabbing his hat, placing it atop his head.

_I'm not good enough, huh?_ he thought.

He turned away, marching for the door to leave his room.

He had been told time and again that he wasn't good enough. Not good enough to call himself the greatest of anything, much less the entire universe.

So he chose to prove them wrong.

/

Yeah, this was just a little idea that I had.

Review should be coming soon.


	22. Story 15: Pleather For Breakfast

OK, before we get started today, a couple of things:

One, as I mentioned in the Titans fic, new rule is that I'll only accept fanmail from those who aren't just pretending to be another character. I got a ton of reviews from Homestuck trolls, and I wound up deleting them because there was no way the characters could really answer them. That, and they were a pain to look at. I know that's the point, but still. So, sorry, but that's how it's gonna go.

Two, I hate to seem selfish or anything, since I'm asking a lot from you guys as it is, but I would prefer that the fics that people recommend to me be a bit shorter from now on. They don't necessarily have to be oneshots or fall under a specific word count or anything, but lately I've been getting a ton of big fics reaching up to around 20 or 21 chapters for reviews. Particularly for the Titans fic. If a fic is really bad and it's long, then OK, but please consider sending me shorter fics from now on. I don't want to keep making multi-part reviews unless I really have to, because those really wear me out and take up a ton of my time. I'm not saying I'll automatically say no to something you recommend if it's too long, but please take this into consideration.

With all that said, let's get to today's review! No one recommended this one to me, since none of you knew who would be appearing today. Well, one or two of you did, but I trust that they didn't blab.

Let the bloodshed begin!

/

Having been a part of the theater for quite some time now, Raven began to establish a few rules that needed to be followed. She suspected that she and the others wouldn't always be the only reviewers, so some ground rules needed to be laid down in order to make the transition much easier for any newcomers.

Do not touch Subarashii's hat. For reasons she couldn't figure out just yet, he was very protective of said hat. Leave it alone outside of pestering him and you should be OK.

Do not call Raven "Rae". For reasons that she was well aware of but wasn't about to tell anyone, she didn't like the name. Avoid using it if you do not want to suffer her wrath.

Do not say anything bad about Maka. Not that anyone should have a reason to, but it's best to make that clear anyway. If you do, and Crona is somehow restrained long enough for you to escape, he'll wind up plotting your grisly murder.

Never assume that the fic is over at any point. Even when it seems like the story could end, chances are the author will drag it out even longer. The story only ends when the lights come on, and no sooner.

It can, has, and will get worse. Don't ever think that it won't, because you'll be setting yourself up for disappointment very easily.

There were more rules, but Raven still felt she should work on it some more. Compiling an official list would be useful for the future, but it was also a bit time-consuming, and she was busy enough as it was. Besides, there was always the chance that new rules could pop up when least expected.

Such as one Raven learned today:

Do not tell Crona any idea that would mean something bad happening.

"Crona, can you please stop pacing?" Raven asked, looking up from her book.

Crona stopped in mid-step, turning to look at Raven. "S-Sorry…"

Raven sighed, closing her book and putting it on the seat beside her. She looked back over at Crona, hands folded in her lap.

"Look, all I said was that there's a _chance_ that he won't show up. That doesn't automatically mean that he won't."

Crona walked over, sitting in his seat beside her. "I-I know…but like you said, there's a chance…"

The two of them looked beside Crona, at the empty seat that would normally have Subarashii waiting. There weren't any signs left hanging around to indicate that a guest star was set to arrive, which meant that either Raven was wrong in her theory, or that she was right and The Host was acknowledging this by not bothering to continue with the formalities.

"Like I said, he has to have figured out the pattern by now." Raven explained. "He's not stupid. He probably would've come to this conclusion around the time I did."

Crona looked down at his feet, not answering Raven. She sighed, gently placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey…be honest with me. When it looked like I was next, you thought I wasn't going to come back, didn't you?"

Crona flinched slightly, which was enough to confirm Raven's suspicions. All the same, she waited for a few seconds, then saw Crona give a small nod.

"Exactly. And I know you thought I wouldn't come back after it happened…"

Crona flinched again. "I-I'm really sorry about that, Raven…"

"It's fine. Really. It's only natural to think about that, given the situation. I mean, after it happened to you, we thought you weren't going to come back…"

"…I did consider it…"

Raven smiled, her hand moving away from Crona.

"Exactly. And look, we're both still here, right? So there's just as much of a chance of him coming back as there is of him not. There's really no point worrying about it."

She then turned away from him, looking up at the screen, lost in thought.

Despite the logical conclusion that Subarashii would be next in line to have a guest star appear, the fact that The Host had started to make a connection to a fourth world confused her a bit. Was The Host just preparing for after Subarashii's turn? Or would they be getting a new visitor altogether?

Not only that, but Subarashii's carefree attitude the last little while, with this possibility looming over his head, only confused her further. It was what raised the possibility that he was just going to run off when the time came, but it still seemed off to Raven. There wasn't even a hint of hesitation in his actions or his thoughts. Something just didn't connect.

She felt a couple of eyes staring at her and turned to see Crona looking at her, a frown on his face.

"…what?" she asked.

"…you don't trust him, do you?"

Raven blinked in surprise, not expecting Crona to suddenly ask that. She stared back at Crona for a second or two, then sighed.

"…not entirely, no."

She looked away from him, though she could tell he was still staring at her.

"…he's not a bad person, Raven…"

"I know, I know he isn't…"

"Then what's the problem…?"

Raven looked back at Crona, realizing that she wouldn't be able to just ignore this.

"…even before we both learned of our fictional nature, we still knew something about each other, right?"

Crona nodded. "A-A bit, yes…"

"But we know nothing about him. Whenever something comes up that might tell us something about his personal life, he doesn't say a word. He refuses to tell us anything."

"B-But…what about all the stories he's told us?"

Raven raised an eyebrow. "Crona, do you really think he's not making those up?"

"W-Well…I don't know…"

Raven sighed, rubbing her forehead slightly.

"Look, I get that people need to have their secrets. Believe me, I understand that. But the fact that he won't give us _anything_ about himself…it's really hard for me to trust someone like that, Crona…"

She then leaned back in her seat, looking up at the ceiling. "That's what makes me think that he won't come back…because he doesn't view us as important enough to risk going through what we went through…"

Crona blinked in surprise at that statement, the possibility having not been clear to him before. He then decided to ask a question that he hadn't thought about in a while.

"…why did you come back, Raven?"

He was surprised again to see a blush suddenly come over Raven's face. She looked down at her lap, her hands fidgeting slightly.

"Well…because…well, I'd…miss you guys, that's all…"

Crona felt his face getting warmer, not expecting Raven to admit something like that. His eyes averted slightly, realizing that Raven was a bit embarrassed, and knew what he had to say.

"…that was…why I came back too…"

Raven looked at Crona, who was looking back at her again. He had an almost hopeful look in his eye, as though he was waiting for a particular reaction from her. It didn't take much to figure out what reaction that was.

She smiled, reaching over and giving Crona a hug, a gesture he happily returned. They held one another for a few short minutes, before gently pulling away from the other.

"…do you really think he won't show up…?" Crona asked.

"…I guess we'll find out soon enough." Raven replied.

_WHAM_!

"Yoho!"

Both Crona and Raven looked up in surprise, though Raven was more surprised than Crona. Despite having every reason to not appear, he had come back anyway.

And what was incredibly frustrating to Raven was that he was still acting the same as he always was. He was practically strutting down the steps, not even remotely worried about what was going to happen. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs, before walking over and flopping in his seat.

"'Sup folks?"

"You…you came…" Crona muttered.

Subarashii blinked in confusion. "Of course I came! Why wouldn't I?"

…_does he actually not know?_ Raven wondered. She had assumed that he had figured it out, but the way he was acting now…

"…what's with you two?" Subarashii asked. "Did I interrupt another gloomfest or something?"

Raven gave an annoyed sigh. "Subarashii, you know what today is, right?"

"…today?"

"…the next guest star review?"

Subarashii stared at Raven for a second, before suddenly slapping his forehead.

"Ah shit! I totally forgot about that!"

Crona was surprised to see Raven's jaw actually drop after Subarashii spoke. After a few seconds, she closed her mouth, before speaking very slowly and in an almost eerily calm voice.

"…you…_forgot_?"

"Well, yeah!" Subarashii replied, a sheepish grin on his face. "I mean, I knew it was coming up soon, but I forgot that it was actually today…"

Raven slumped down in her chair, looking straight ahead, a dazed expression on her face.

"He forgot…he actually forgot…" she muttered.

Crona gently poked Raven's shoulder, wondering just what the problem was. Subarashii, meanwhile, grabbed his first fanmail letter.

"What say we get through these already?"

Crona looked back at him. "Don't we usually wait for the guests to arrive first…?"

"Meh, don't feel like it."

Before Crona could protest, Subarashii opened his first letter and started reading.

_Sebarashii,_

"Oh, great, another one who can't get my name right."

_Really? You make fun of them for not having seen Repo, but you haven't seen or read "The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy"?_

_Simply shocking... (dead pan)_

"Hey, just because I don't need a GUIDE doesn't mean I don't know what Hitch Hikers is! What kind of genre-savvy fella do you take me for, anyway?"

He sighed, tossing the letter aside and opening his next one. "No respect at all…"

_subratii_

_first off i know i can't spell your name but i'm working on it._

"Keep at it, kid."

_in kingdom hearts which side are you on with the whole namine/roxas or xion/roxas. i personaly like xion/roxas_

"…I think I'd prefer the one that doesn't blur the lines between masturbation and incest, you sick freaky freak."

He grabbed his next letter, before pausing and looking at the others. "What exactly would that fall-"

Raven quickly covered her ears. "Don't ask the question you're about to ask, because you're not getting an answer."

"…and here I thought you weren't psychic."

"I'm not, I just know you."

_Do you have anything like a teleporter on your ship? You know, "Beam me up, Scotty!"_

"Yep! Both a teleporter and a docking bay, as a matter of fact!"

Crona tilted his head while Subarashii opened his next letter. "Why have both?"

"For the sake of completion."

_I am please to know at least you have seen the worlds greatest movie ever, it's pleases me that out of the three, you actually have a good taste when it comes to movies._

_So, out of curiosity, what was your favorite scene from Repo?_

"The one with the corpse ventriloquism. I think you know what I'm talking about."

_Have you ever played any computer games? if so your favorite_

"Nah, don't have a lot of time for that due to being awesome."

Raven rolled her eyes as Subarashii opened his next letter. "Do you even try anymore?"

"Can't hear you, too awesome."

_Do you have some type of guidebook of awesomsness? If you do, where the crap do I get one? If not, and the awesomeness is natural, will you give a few of us some tips?_

"Sorry, there aren't any real tricks to it. It's a state of mind. You just generally have to learn to…"

Subarashii paused, before reaching into his coat and pulling out a pair of sunglasses and putting them on.

"…deal with it." he finished.

Raven groaned as Subarashii put the glasses away and opened his next letter. "Tell me you didn't just do that."

"I did it, I canna undo it."

_Subarasghii_

"…really, people?"

_WHY can't i fing you in any search engine?_

"You aren't looking hard enough?"

_Can you please stop kicking in the door?_

"What? That's crazy! You crazy!"

_If you had any power what would it be?_

"I get to be me every day. That's practically a superpower already."

Raven sighed as Subarashii opened his next letter. "You know, even Robin gets tired of that "being Batman is a superpower" joke."

"…cool, I fail to see what that has to do with me."

_well, since your the only one out of the three to have seen Repo! The Genetic Opera, i thought you might find this fanfic funny and i wanted to see if your unlimited knowledge works on this: I Chased The Morning and Fell On My Face by 5Faces_

_can you actually mentally read it?_

_if so, do you find it funny? Its a funny repo crackfic in my opinion but i wanna know yours._

"Sorry, the only way I could read it is if we did it for a review. But hell, maybe The Host will look it up now that you've mentioned it."

He tossed the letter aside and quickly opened the next one.

_tsubartii_

"…still working on it, I take it?"

_is there a space davey jones and a space flying Dutchman_

"Yeah, and a space Blackbeard too." Subarashii replied, rolling his eyes.

_personal opinion on the office?_

"American or British version?"

_favorite kingdom hearts character?_

"Hmm…Axel's pretty cool. Yeah, I'm gonna say Axel."

_is there space rum?_

Subarashii simply pulled out a leather flask and held it up.

_do you think they faked the moon landing?_

"Keep your nutty conspiracy theories away, nutbar."

_which pairing would be worse for you: you/raven, you/crona, or you/ragnarok (note: the rating would be at most T)_

"…considering all three of those scenarios involve me being a pedophile, take your pick."

He then paused, looking at Crona. "How old is Ragnarok, anyway?"

Crona gave a small shrug, not really wanting to continue that train of thought.

_if you are racist to everyone are you truly racist?_

"No, then you're just being a prick."

_is there a space god?_

"Possibly. I am, however, an avid believer in the one and only Pirate Jesus."

Raven rolled her eyes. "What next, is someone going to come up with Ninja Jesus?"

There was a loud THUMP as Subarashii suddenly lept to the side, sprawling over the arms of Crona's seat so he could get right into Raven's face.

"I'll have you know that I have _killed_ for less than that! You should consider yourself very lucky that you and I are on good terms right now, but I will not tolerate that level of blasphemy ever again! _Do you understand me_?"

Raven was far too busy edging away from Subarashii to give a coherent response. The whole scenario sounded completely ridiculous, but he spoke with such conviction that Raven was convinced that he was absolutely serious. So, all she could do was gape at Subarashii as he slowly got back into his seat and resumed reading.

_can i be your first mate?_

"No."

_have you ever had a family?_

"…moving on."

Raven gave an angry twitch. _He just did it again…_ she thought.

_what's the bigest bounty you've ever had on your head?_

"Well, the Artulics have a 160,000,000 Ruben bounty on my head right now, which I am quite proud of."

Crona frowned as Subarashii opened his next letter. "I don't get it…why would you be happy that people want to kill you…?"

"It's for bragging rights, duh."

Raven sighed. "In other words, it's a genital-waving contest."

"Don't try to make yourself sound classier by changing the name."

_Thank's for reveling the greatness of TVtrope's to me iv had wonderfull time looking them up and also thank's for inspireing me to write a Crona x Raven fic seiriusly without it would never have been possible you rule_

Subarashii's eyes widened as what the fan had said began to sink in.

"…uh-oh."

Before he could do anything else, the letter was covered in black energy and quickly shot out of his hand. It flew over to Raven, who snatched it out of mid-air and began to frantically read. After a few short seconds, she slowly turned to look at Subarashii, her eyes starting to glow.

"…now, Raven, just take a minute to calm down…" Subarashii cautiously said, holding his hands up in front of him. "There's no need to do anything drastic-"

"_RAVEN CHOP_!"

Subarashii groaned, holding his smoking face.

"_I warned you_!" Raven shouted. "What did I tell you? "Don't invoke the crack shippers"! Now look what you've done!"

Crona simply whimpered in response, looking down at his shoes.

"Hey, it's not my fault!" Subarashii yelled back. "It's not like I held a gun to this person's head and said "start writing"!"

"That doesn't change the fact that _you_ put the idea into their head!"

"Oh, yeah, it's my fault you two actually have some chemistry between-would you let me read the last letter before you hit me with that again?"

Raven let out a loud growl, sitting back in her seat as Subarashii opened his last letter.

_I just want to see what you have to say about this song. I'm not sure where it came from. My brother just showed it to me, but I'm not sure if he made it or not. My friends thought it was hilarious and it's to the tune of "Row, row, row your boat."_

_"Fuck, fuck, fuck a duck,_

_Screw a kangaroo._

_Finger bang an orangoutang,_

_And your mamma too."_

_There are other version of this song, but this is the one I learned. How does it make you feel? Are you scarred? Disgusted? Amused? Do you feel like singing this or making your own version?_

Subarashii gave a slight snort as he tossed the letter aside. "Good for a quick chuckle, but I don't see myself singing-"

"_RAVEN CHOP_!"

He was cut off by Raven's book connecting with the side of his head, causing him to curl up and groan again.

Crona looked at Raven as she brought her book back to her lap.

"…what? He said to wait until he read the last letter."

Crona gave a weak smile in response, before deciding to open his first letter.

_I would love to give you a totally non threatening hug. I love the fact that you get a chance to be this person that you are, then the one that is being played out in the Manga._

"…hugs can be threatening?"

Raven raised an eyebrow. "That's the part you noticed?"

"W-Well, I'm glad she's being so nice to me…but the idea of a hug being threatening…I don't like that…"

He then looked over his shoulder, before giving another sigh and reading.

_I think you need a hug too. XD_

"I don't think he would stay still long enough for you to do that…"

Subarashii grumbled as Crona opened his next letter. "It's official, he's doing this to piss people off."

"Go back to being unconscious, I'm still mad at you." Raven shot back.

_i saw a soul eater abridged series recently and youre part in it was pretty funny your alpha wave had been replaced with the bed intruder song. which brings me to my question you ever heard the bed intruder song?_

"…I have no idea what you're talking about…"

Crona then opened his next letter, a frown on his face. "It'd be weird if Ragnarok sang _anything_, much less in place of screaming…"

Subarashii tilted his head. "How bad is he?"

"You really don't want to hear him…least of all when we're in the shower…"

_Well, two things: 1.) There's nothing wrong with being on an antidepressant or benzodiazepine. There's nothing wrong with taking them as directed. Doctors can't talk about it to other people because of various oaths. Your friends wouldn't have a fit. Hell, Death the Kid is probably on eight different pills! And you can't tell me that Black*Star doesn't take ADD/ADHD pills! Besides, how would they know? It's not like they browse through your stuff just for kicks. Seriously, it might help. ((Maybe Ragnarok's depressed?))_

"E-Even so, they could still find out…I don't want to deal with that…"

He looked at the letter again, giving another frown before opening his next one. "And I don't think either Kid or Black*Star are on anything, and Ragnarok would never admit to be depressed about anything…"

…_though, would he ever be, even if he doesn't say anything…?_ he wondered.

_I understand how you feel about not taking medication, its not for everyone and frankly... I would like to mention that I'm one of those people with medication, I just don't take them. Its just not for me, no matter what my parents say. I'm sure you know what I mean by not wanting to take them despite what people think about you... Hm? ...Before this gets too weird for you to deal with, I just want to say that I'm behind you in your choice._

"Th-Thank you…I'm glad you understand…"

_Now for my questions!_

_1. Do you remember when Maka told you about how if you are feeling bad then you should write poetry? Do you still do that? Maybe you could try that since it appears you still are feeling the effects of everything going on? _

_Maybe Raven wouldn't mind writing poetry with you?_

Crona looked over at Raven for a few seconds, the both of them silently contemplating the idea. After a few seconds, Crona looked back at the letter.

"That probably wouldn't be a good idea…"

"Yeah…but you do need some sort of outlet for this, Crona…" Raven mentioned. "If you just bottle up how you're feeling, it'll eventually just explode in your face."

"I-I know…I-I'll think of something…"

_2. Also, Crona? Speaking of which... how would you feel if I told you that Subarashii was right? You and Raven make the cutest couple! The way you act towards one another is so adorable and shows trust along with understanding from similar situations. It makes for the perfect chemistry!_

_..._

_And no, whatever you say won't work. I do actually plan on shipping you two!_

Crona groaned, crumpling the letter and grabbing his next one. Raven glared at Subarashii.

"All. Of. My. Hate."

Subarashii rolled his eyes. "I find that incredibly unlikely."

_Whats your way of relaxing when away from your friends and Death City?_

"When I'm on a mission, you mean…? …I don't ever go on missions alone…"

_Do you know why Ragnarok is always so rude?_

"N-No…that's just who he is, I guess…"

_Have you ever thought of while you were with Medusa to poison her, or just slaughter her?_

_Has Ragnarok?_

"…Ragnarok did suggest it a few times…"

Subarashii shrugged while Crona opened his next letter. "Probably better you didn't. She was a snake witch, after all. She'd probably be able to detect poison."

"…that's true…"

_I'm an author that made a smut story between you and Blair. Are you disturbed by this?_

"_Very_!"

Subarashii tilted his head as Crona opened his next letter. "Which one's Blair again?"

"Maka's cat…"

"The one that turns into that hot witch?"

"R-Right…"

"…and _that_ disturbs you? I mean, I know you have a one-track mind when it comes to this sort of thing, but are you really trying to tell me that getting with a hot babe like that is-"

"Do you _want_ to lose consciousness again, Subarashii?" Raven shouted, holding up her book.

"OK, OK! Geez!"

Crona sighed, starting to read.

_Are you really a freeballer?Ok I imagine underwear is akward in that robe,But you could try briefs._

"…why is everyone so fascinated with my underwear…?"

Subarashii grinned. "Price of being famous, kiddo."

"…I suddenly feel very sorry for celebrities…"

_If you really want to fly that bad you could ask Maka to give you a lift she is an Angel after all._

Crona flushed brightly, not giving any answer. He didn't want to think about how someone supposedly knew something that he wanted.

_What would you do if everyone from soul eater was taken to _

_Equestria and turned into ponies also is it not odd that every place is related to a horse in some way?_

"…I have no idea what'd we'd do. And I guess the horse names are just for jokes…"

Subarashii sighed as Crona opened another letter. "You're going to be swamped with MLP questions now, aren't you?"

"…do you not like ponies, Subarashii?"

"Eh, I'm neutral on them. They're alright, I just don't care that much."

_I saw you with that pink haird hussy who is she ? i will find out you can never leave me my sweet not after i gave myself to you love Mai Albarn_

Crona stared at the letter, eyes widened in both shock and fear. Both Subarashii and Raven leaned over to get a better look at it.

"…what in the fuck?" Subarashii muttered.

Raven sighed. "I think I've met this one before."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. When I was with the other Titans-"

"Wait, you're doing reviews with the other Titans now?"

"…didn't I tell you that?"

"No."

"…oh. Well, anyway, I got a letter from this person, saying that Crona was telling Maka he and I were together and that we'd gone "all the way"."

Crona's head whipped around to look at Raven. "What?"

"Yep. That's what she said."

"B-But I never said anything like that! Th-That's completely untrue!"

"I know, I know. It was obvious that it was, and I pretty much said so."

Subarashii rolled his eyes. "In other words, the lady's trolling you and doing a pretty shitty job of it. I mean, she couldn't even spell Maka's name right in her letter."

Crona blinked, suddenly realizing something. He took another look at the letter, carefully reading it again. After a few seconds, he let out a scream, suddenly throwing the letter away and backing away in his seat.

"It's her! She's finally come for me! She's going to drag me away and tie me down and break my ankles so I can't escape! I don't want to go to the cottage! I don't want to be near her dog! _HELP_!"

"Crona! Calm down! No one's coming for you!" Raven shouted, grabbing his shoulders to get him to calm himself.

"…I dunno, that scenario sounded oddly specific." Subarashii commented.

"You aren't helping!"

It took a few minutes, but Crona was able to relax enough to start reading his next letter.

_you know thers a name for what you have its called cronic back stbing syndrom lets recap shall we_

_1)murder countless inocents and never shed a tear for all those lives cut short_

_2)betray own mother for first pece of tail that comes along_

_3)completle ignor own brother and only reel friend_

_4)betray said pece of tail to go back to mommy_

_5)get what you whant then murder own mother_

_6)get another chance at chep hussy all but dicard own brother AGIN_

_and you wonder why he wont come out he probly waiting for you to go ahed and stab her in the back agin so maybe he wont have everyone treating him like crap_

Crona stared at the letter in shock, each criticism sinking into his mind. Before he could even begin to form a response, however, Subarashii yanked the letter out of his hand. He watched him throw the letter into the air, before pulling out his gun and firing, one shot after another piercing the paper until it was little more than ashes.

Subarashii watched the bits of burnt paper float to the ground, before he holstered his gun and spoke.

"Like I said, lady be trolling and lady be failing. She couldn't be more blatant in her attempts to get under people's skin if she was standing in front of them going "bother bother bother"."

He then grabbed Crona's last letter and opened it. "And if she's supposedly upset because we've been mean to Ragnarok, too bad. We're just reacting to how he's been acting to us. And if he's gone into hiding because of that, he's even more immature than I expected."

He shoved the letter into Crona's hands and returned to his seat. Crona, still somewhat stunned from the letter from before, just went ahead and started reading.

_Hey, its me, the one who asked about Ragnarok before and thought he was funny. If you do choose to take up medical training like someone suggested you will need to boost your grades, like they said, and I'm pretty sure Maka could help. I mean, I'm not trying to say anything about this mere than that she is the top student when it comes to academics so she must k ow some great study tips. I know I'm working hard to become a doctor,but I'm enlisting as one in the Navy. But I still have a few years until graduation. Just a question here though, have you chosen to take up medical studies?_

"I-I have thought about it…I'm just not really sure…"

Raven smiled, picking up her first letter and opening it. "I think you'd make a good doctor, Crona."

"…really?"

"Yeah. You're obviously willing to help people, and you do have something of an eye for detail, which could be used for that. Besides, you wouldn't even have to become an important surgeon or anything. You could just study to be a family doctor or a physician if you liked."

"…I guess I should do something…"

_I love you as well, and am pleased that you are there for your friends._

Raven smiled. "Thank you."

She placed the letter aside and opened the next one.

_if you were accepted into hogwarts what house do you think you would be in?_

Raven sighed, crumpling the letter and tossing it aside.

"Subarashii, don't even start."

Subarashii grinned. "Lemme guess. Ravenclaw?"

"It's just what would make sense!"

"I wasn't going to say otherwise…"

Raven shook her head, choosing to open her next letter.

_Do you ever feel the urge to slaughter children and young teens whenever you hear the word "Friday?" Crona does, so I assume you would, too._

"Wait, what?"

Crona flinched. "I-I don't know! Just…during one review with Maka, I started getting angry towards kids when I heard the word "Friday". It doesn't even make any sense…"

Raven sighed, grabbing her next letter and patting Crona on the shoulder.

"Don't worry. It just means you're developing good taste in music and are starting to realize how stupid children are today."

"…I am?"

"It's the most logical explanation I can think of."

_Who out of your team do you find the most annoying, but still like as a friend?_

"…is it really not clear at this point how often Beast Boy can get on my nerves?"

Subarashii sighed. "I swear, it's like you're deliberately anti-humour."

"That's it. I'm never letting you two near each other again. You encourage one another _way_ too much."

"Yes, _mother_."

_Who is your least favorite enemy? (Question may not make sense)_

"…no, it actually doesn't make any sense. Be a bit more clear next time and I'll answer."

_Whats your favorite book-turned-movie?_

"I'll get back to you on this one. I tend to nitpick quite a bit when I watch a movie based on a book, so it's harder for me to find one I like."

Subarashii shook his head as Raven opened her next letter. "Doesn't surprise me at all."

"You enjoyed being unconscious, didn't you?"

_You rule! I would say that I wish I had your powers, but I just recently learned that you need to keep your emotions in check to use them properly. I'm sorry for that._

"It's alright. I've gotten good at controlling my powers now, so it's not so big a deal.

_Anyway, do you ever wear anything else besides your super-hero suit?_

"Well, on the rare occasion where we have to go undercover, I do wear casual clothes. That doesn't happen very often, though."

Raven placed the letter aside and opened the next one.

_Whose costume do you like more yours or Robins?_

"…if I didn't like my costume, why would I keep wearing it?"

_Would you ever consider giving crona a mirrior like yours?_

"Unfortunately, that mirror is one-of-a-kind, so that couldn't happen."

Crona frowned. "I don't know if it would really help, anyway…"

"It couldn't hurt to keep your emotions in check."

_What the heck is that blue stuff in the fridge and does anyone get rid of it._

"Cyborg's actually been studying it as a side project. We still haven't figured out what it is."

Subarashii shook his head as Raven opened her last letter. "Food should not be blue."

"What about blueberries…?" Crona asked.

"Those are more purple than blue. …I don't know why they're even called blueberries, for that matter."

…_is he really debating about the name of a food?_ Raven wondered.

_I thank you for your response to my question about the way things work at the tower, but I didn't mean it completely like that. I kind of saw it as chaotic maybe. I mean, you are all so different with such contrasting personalities. You all get along so well, but you can't exactly say it isn't a bit of a bumpy path, right?_

"Well, obviously not. Even the best of friends can't get along all of the time. But whatever problem we may have, we always wind up getting through it. And in that case, it's actually good that our personalities are so different, because we get multiple perspectives on a situation and can come to a better conclusion."

Raven placed the letter aside, then felt Crona suddenly poke her shoulder. She looked at him and saw him holding another letter.

"This one's for both of us…"

_I am very dissapointed that you havent seen Repo! The Genetic Opera, i fully suggest you watch it, or, if it's possible, use the knowledge in your minds to mentally watch it. It's better to watch on a tv screen though._

Raven sighed. "Yes, we're such uncultured boors for not watching such an excellent film and blah blah blah…"

"You said it, not me." Subarashii quipped.

_I am also very dissapointed to tell you guys that I found out the other day that one of my friends has been daring people to write these fanfictions, she dared one of our friends to make a Teen Titans-Soul Eater crossover, whether this errors in continuity have anything to do with it, i dont know._

_But, from what I understand, it's probably going to be a badfic as the one writing the fanfiction hasn't seen Teen Titans in a while._

Crona groaned, slumping in his chair. Raven turned to glare at Subarashii.

"…I really don't think you understand how pissed off I am at you right now."

Subarashii sighed. "Honestly, you're making a mountain out of a molehill. I don't see how some idiot writing something about you two is going to affect-"

"No, you want to know what the problem is?" Raven interrupted, abruptly getting to her feet and facing Subarashii. "It's because I officially have no privacy whatsoever! Everywhere I go, people constantly ask me which of the Titans I'm in a relationship with, or sometimes how many! I get letter after letter telling me which of my friends I should be with! And now I can't even make any _new_ friends without the exact same thing happening! Despite my constant affirmations that I _want_ to be single, no one will drop this subject and just move on!"

Her eyes had started glowing, and black energy had started to crackle around her, her voice rising with every sentence. "And the worst part of the problem is that you had a hand in it, despite me constantly telling you not to say anything! And you're the one who's the most aware of how crazy the fans could be, so it's only even more frustrating! And despite all of this, you won't admit to it! I am trying to be the calm, rational one here, _but you are making it too difficult for me_!"

Raven's eyes slowly returned to normal as her breathing came out in ragged gasps. Both Crona and Subarashii were staring at her in surprise, neither of them expecting the sudden outburst. After a short while, Subarashii spoke, a frown on his face.

"…I get the feeling there's more here than you're letting on."

There was silence for a few very short seconds, before Raven stomped in front of Subarashii's seat. Her hands slapped down onto his tray, and she glared directly into his eyes.

"Why are you so _calm_?" she whispered.

"…about what?"

"This! Here! Now! Today! You have to know what's going on!"

"…the guest star?" 

"_Yes_! Crona and I went through one of the worst experiences ever conjured up by anything in existence, both times with the purpose of letting us know that we're fictional characters! The only logical conclusion is that _you're next_! So why are you still acting like nothing's wrong? _Why don't you care_?"

Raven's voice had risen again, this time shouting directly in Subarashii's face. He stared back at her frustrated expression, his own not showing anything.

After a few seconds, he opened his mouth to speak, when a sound that none of them were expecting suddenly rang out.

_WHAM!_

"Yo! Anybody home?"

Three heads turned to look at the source of the voice, Subarashii and Crona getting out of their seats as well. Raven was not expecting to see the one who was standing in the doorway.

What was decidedly odd about this person was how normal he looked. Regular black jeans and a red jacket over a white T-shirt was nothing unusual. Granted, the leather glove over one hand and the yellow shades were a bit different. But what completed the confusing combination was the man's spiky black hair, which Raven suspected was gelled.

As he walked down the stairs towards them, Crona leaned over to whisper to Raven.

"Raven…isn't that…"

"Yeah, it is…" she whispered back.

"But…Subarashii isn't…is he?"

"No, I don't think he is…"

_Though it would explain why Subarashii suddenly looks so angry…_ Raven thought, noticing Subarashii's expression.

The man stopped at the bottom of the stairs, looking at the three of them in silence. He then walked past Subarashii and stopped in front of Crona.

He leaned down to get a closer look at him, which only confused Crona, his expression matching said emotion.

A smile suddenly came over the man's face.

"Moe~"

Crona suddenly dashed behind Raven's cloak, shivering violently while peeking out from behind it. Raven gave the man a look of clear disgust.

"Whoa, hey, relax!" he said. "It's OK, I'm not gonna hurt yoOOOOOUGH!"

The man was cut off by Subarashii suddenly coming up from behind and wrapping his arms around his head, catching him in a sleeper hold.

"ACK! Hey! What's the big idea?" the man choked out.

"You fucking freak, that's a guy!" Subarashii shouted.

The man blinked, narrowing his eyes as he looked at the mostly-hidden Crona. He blinked again, before growling at Subarashii.

"S-So? Guys can be moe too!"

"No they can't! And don't act like you knew, you had no idea!"

Raven heard Crona give a low moan, and looked over her shoulder to see him now huddling behind her, his face hidden.

She then heard a few grunts suddenly come from the other two, and looked to see that the man had somehow got out of Subarashii's choke hold and was now behind him, pinning one of his arms behind him in a hammerlock.

"Ha!" he crowed. "This is what happens when you mess with a former pro wrestler, pal!"

"Oh yeah…?" Subarashii grunted out, wincing in pain. "Well, _this_ is what happens when you mess with a current space pirate!"

Subarashii then swung one of his legs back, clipping the man's own leg and causing him to stumble, making him let go of Subarashii's arm. Subarashii then spun around and grabbed him by the collar, pushing him against the wall closest to the stairs.

"What the hell does that have to do with being a space pirate?" the man shouted.

"Shut up! More importantly, who the fuck do you think you are to come in here like that?"

"…what, kicking the doors in?"

"Yes! That's _my_ thing!"

…_you cannot be serious._ Raven thought. _THAT'S what had him so angry?_

"Oh please, do you have the legal rights to be the only doorkicker in the world or something?"

"…well, no, but I'm working on it!"

"Yeah, cool, let me know how it goes."

_WHUMP!_

Subarashii's eyes suddenly crossed as the man's foot connected with his nether regions. He fell back, his hands covering the now-damaged area, as he let out what could only be described as a puppy's pitiful howl.

"You fucking cocksucking…" Subarashii growled out in between winces of pain. "What, were you a heel when you were a pro wrestler?"

"No-…well, OK, I was, but that's got nothing to do with it!" the man replied, before a wall of black energy suddenly popped up in between him and Subarashii. Subarashii looked up to see Raven looking down at him, a tired expression on her face.

"When you two children are done…"

"Hey, he started it by choking me!" the man cried out.

"He was being a creep!" Subarashii replied.

Raven sighed, shaking her head and walking past Subarashii. She stopped in front of her wall, staring at the man behind it.

"Promise not to make any more creepy comments?"

"C'mon, it was an honest mistake!"

She simply glared at the man, not making any other movements. He sighed.

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry. Let me go now?"

Raven sighed, then let the wall dissipate. She then led the man over to the table in front of the screen.

"Here's the short version: You're here to help us review a fanfic, you need to introduce yourself to the people watching us before we can get started."

"…why?" the man asked, stopping in front of the table.

"I've asked myself that a number of times." Raven replied, pointing up at the screen. "The main camera's behind there. Tell them who you are and whatever else you feel like saying."

The man raised an eyebrow at Raven's curt attitude, but turned to look at the screen anyway.

"OK then…ladies and gents, the name's Travis Touchdown! Overall awesome sexbomb and the only man to become the number one assassin in the world twice! I like girls who like animals, sitting around the house, and with D-cu-"

"Alright, that's good enough." Raven interrupted. "This isn't for a blind date."

Travis turned to glare at her. "Just what is your problem?"

"I'm having a bad day, that's all. Anyway, I'm Raven, and the _boy_ that you nearly traumatized is Crona."

Crona peeked out again from behind Raven's cloak, still wary of Travis.

"Hey, I said I was sorry!" Travis replied. "Come on, it was meant to be a compliment!"

"…using a Japanese term to indicate sexual interest is supposed to be a compliment?"

"It is _not_ sexual-"

_WHUMP!_

The three of them turned to see Subarashii now standing on his seat, pointing skyward.

_Oh God, here we go…_ Raven thought.

"The stormy skies…the raging seas…the stars burning bright throughout all of space…they all tremble before me! Make note of this day! For you stand before the greatest space pirate in all of the universe!"

His finger curled back to his hand, only for his thumb to stick out, which he jabbed at himself.

"I am…Captain Subarashii!"

He then reached into his jacket to pull out both his sword and gun, twirling them both around before crossing and pointing them at Travis.

"Yoho! Intergalatic bitches better re-cog-nize!"

Travis stared at Subarashii for a few minutes, as silence filled the room. Before long, Travis crossed his arms while still staring at Subarashii, then spoke.

"I'll give you points for originality, dude, but it still seemed pretty bland. You might want to work on the rhythm a bit, too."

Subarashii stumbled off of his seat, giving a surprised look at Travis.

"Did…did you just _critique_ my intro?"

"Yeah…so?"

"Well, what would _you_ know about a good intro, anyway? Since when have you ever made one?"

"Hey, I'm past the point of needing a good intro! I walk into rooms wielding a fucking lightsaber! That speaks for itself!"

"So you're saying that you're not creative enough to come up with one?"

"Oh, yeah, that was _real_ creative."

Raven shook her head, choosing to ignore Travis and Subarashii and walked over to the table, Crona right behind her. She grabbed the envelope on the table, then paused. She took a deep breath, then quickly opened the envelope and started reading prepared for the worst.

_I'm happy to inform you that some progress has been made in this little project of ours, and you've been an immense help in doing that. I'd tell you what exactly qualifies as "progress", but I imagine you've started to figure it out already, as smart as you three are._

_At any rate, onto today. You'll be reviewing a No More Heroes fanfic titled "travisx shinobus first date" by madamscarletrouge._

_Have fun._

Both Raven and Crona winced, prepared for some form of reaction to come from behind them. After a few agonizingly long seconds of silence, they both turned to look behind them…

…only to see Travis casually sitting in a seat at the end of the row, Subarashii beside him.

"…what?" Travis asked.

Raven faltered. "No reaction? At all? Are you serious? How can you just shrug this off? What are you, some kind of psychopath or something? How is it that-"

"Uh, Raven?" Subarashii interrupted. "Travis already knows he's a fictional character, remember?"

The room grew quiet once again, the revelation sinking in. Then, Crona blinked in surprise.

"Oh. Right. He did break the fourth wall in his games a few times." he mentioned.

Raven slowly turned to look at Crona, suddenly remembering the same thing. She then looked at Travis, then Subarashii, then looked back and forth between the two a few times.

Finally, she straightened up and promptly threw the letter behind her, throwing her hands up in the air.

"Alright. I give up. Clearly the world's just out to get me today. Fine. Game's over, Murphy. You win."

She then marched back to her seat, sitting down and letting her face fall into her hands, giving a low groan afterwards. Crona followed and sat beside her, checking to see if she was OK.

"…what's her deal, anyway?" Travis asked.

Subarashii shrugged. "Eh, just having one of those days, I guess."

"…one of _those_ days?"

"What do you mean by-…_NO!_ Dude, what the fuck? Why would you even ask something like that?"

"Hey, it was an honest question!"

"There are things you just don't say, you sick freaky freak!"

"Oh for fuck's sake, I make one little comment and you're treating me like a convicted child molester or something!"

"You're the one who practically came on to Crona!"

"I did not come on to him! "Moe" is a general definition for someone who exhibits qualities that make one view them as cute and/or someone they must protect at all costs-"

"I didn't ask for a definition, creepazoid!"

"…you know, the way you're acting so defensive of them could mean you view them as moe."

"_You wanna die, punk_?"

_Dear Azar, this is going to be absolute Hell…_ Raven thought as the lights went down, and the show began.

/

**Please don't be mean this is my first fan fic ever so im sort of new this thing :)**

Raven: Number of people who are shocked: zero.

**hope you like it, oh and this is before the second NMH. R.I.P. bishop**

Travis: Ow. My burning rage is acting up again.

Subarashii: At what? The fact that your friend died or that your second game isn't considered to be as good as the first?

Travis: Both now, asshole.

**She was so nervous she never been on a date with someone she kind of admired. She was only a senor in high school and she's going out with Travis touchdown ,**

Travis: …habawhat?

**she was happy and pissed at the same time.**

**"why did I say yes? I rather go out with fucken bishop than him."**

Crona: So why _did_ you say yes, then?

**Across town another lost soul was worried about tonight, "hoe the fuck am I going to pay for diner tonight**

Subarashii: You own a diner?

Travis: No. And how do you know that's me?

Subarashii: I'm assuming.

Travis: Oh. …actually, owning a diner would be pretty cool.

**if that slut Sylvia stole the rest of my money and ran off! I only have like 200,000 Lbs left!"**

Crona: You should probably stay away from her, then…

Travis: The sex helps the relationship.

Crona: *covers ears* Don't want to know!

**so Travis did what he always did in times of panic…. Called Bishop.**

Subarashii: See? It is you.

Travis: Yeah, thanks for filling me in, Captain Obvious.

Subarashii: That's now how you pronounce "Subarashii". That's not even close.

**"Hello this is beef head video, Diane speaking,"**

**"hi Diane is bishop there? I need him, its Travis"**

**"Travis? You owe over ten movies! Plus bishop needs one of them for his own…. Personal time."**

Raven: Yeah, _that_ was necessary…

Travis: Oh suck it up, we make sex references all the damn time.

**" yeah I know, just pass him the phone"**

**"Travis! Happy to know you didn't die yet,**

Crona: That's a weird thing to say…

**so what's with today?"**

**" I got a hot date tonight and I don't have a lot of money, so what do you think we should do?"**

**" I don't know, why don't you go to pizza butt. I think there prices are cheap….**

Raven: Oooh, wow, what a gentleman you are.

Travis: Hey, at least I've still gotten further than you have with someone.

*RAVEN CHOP!*

Travis: Jesus Tapdancing…what was that?

Subarashii: Pure lethality contained in leather and paper, dude.

**So who's the lucky girl, is it doctor Naomi, Diane, or is it a guy?**

Travis: *spittake* What the fuck?

**"what the fuck, you've known since high school and you think im gay? I should come over there and fucking kill you."**

**Bishop remembering his fear of death, starts to shake.**

Travis: …you're doing this on purpose, aren't you?

Subarashii: Wouldn't be the first time.

**"there's a pizza butt near body slam beach, girls love shit like that, when are you going?'**

**"At 7""Go during sunset, plus your near the beach so take her for a walk"**

**"wow bishop since when are you a romantic expert?'**

Raven: Oh, yeah, that's high-level romance, there.

**'it's a gift, and you never told me who it is."**

**"we meat in a ranking fight at her high school…"**

**"wait… high school? What the fuck?"**

**"hey she saved my life during the final rank so I kind of owe's me."**

**"well I can understand that, so what's her name?"**

**"Shinobu"**

Travis: _What_?

Raven: …did you not hear the title of this fic?

Travis: …no, actually.

Raven: *facepalm*

**"Shinobu… I'd hate to get her mad"**

**Bishop thought to himself 'someone's gonna die tonight"**

Travis: At the rate this is going, it's gonna be the author…

**"try to have a good time"**

**"Wow, you didn't even mention your DVD's I thought that you would be….."**

**"what? Mad ? Come on Travis Im better than that"**

**"thanks"**

**After they hung up, bishop called Harvey and Sylvia about Travis's upcoming date with Shinobu, both sounded shocked and surprised. Bishop thought to himself 'this is what you get for messing up my personal time…. Damn it that was the only hotel erotica I had left too, plus he had to leave all the shitty ones too'**

Crona: …that was pretty mean of him.

Travis: Hey, it's a blessing in disguise as far as I'm concerned.

**'Shinobu,' Sylvia thought to herself, 'Shinobu is fucking all of this up for me, how dare he think of some one other than me!' Sylvia then got ready too destroy Travis's chances of getting to 3rd base.**

Travis: Third? Why should I worry about third when I've already hit a home run with her?

Subarashii: Dude, seriously, I don't even brag about my sexcapades this much.

Travis: …you have sexcapades?

Subarashii: Of course I do! I just don't say anything about them for the sake of the other two here!

Raven: So you have no problem cursing up a storm and telling stories about fighting aliens or whatever, but you won't talk about who you've had sex with?

Subarashii: Yep!

Raven: …I'm actually with Travis on this when I say I don't believe you.

Travis: Thank you!

Subarashii: Oh, fuck both of you.

**Harvey was glad for his brother. 'wow I never thought the lad would pull it of, you know with all that otaku crap, I wonder is the chicks on drugs?'**

Travis: …you know, I actually wonder that myself.

Subarashii: I wouldn't be surprised if every chick you knew was on drugs. …in fact, I'd extend that to everyone you know. Actually, your entire planet is on drugs, man!

Travis: What can I say? Suda 51's out there, man.

**so Henry got him self suited up and went out. Back at Shinobu's….. "Fuck!" as her arm fell on the floor, 'what the hell am I going to do now?' - end of chaper one**

Crona: …that'd make things a bit awkward…

**Just got no more heroes 2 but now I feel so late because some people finished it already –**

Subarashii: You're not missing much.

Travis: Seriously man, fuck you.

Subarashii: Talk to me when you can fix the damn camera, kay?

"**I don't think the doctors can patch my arm up again what im I going to do? I only have 3 hours too…. Wait a sec…. this is his fault, I almost forgot I should cut something off of him… yeah that's what im gonna do….."**

Raven: …yeah, I can see why you'd want to date her.

Travis: Hey, she started it!

**So the scheming Shinobu went to Doctor Naomi and bought a false arm and got ready for her date tonight.**

Crona: …that's it? That plot thread's just resolved already? …that was quick.

**Meanwhile Harvey got in costume and thought 'I need to see this, this is going to be better than that magic show that Travis was in, but this time its free.'**

Crona: Wait, how does he know about that? He wasn't there.

Subarashii: …have to admit, that was a pretty badass fight.

Travis: I am proud of that one…

**Sylvia**

**got into the slutyest thing she could find 'this will teach you to think of someone other than me."**

Subarashii: …that's a pretty general description.

Travis: Leaves more to the imagination.

**When it was five o' clock, Travis went to go pick up Shinobu.**

"**wow Shinobu you look….." Was it wrong that he found her in a way … sexy?**

All: YES!

**The way her black dress was hugging her body so tight, showing off all of her curves, who wouldn't look?**

Raven: Someone who isn't a pedophile?

"**well are we going or not?" asked Shinobu,**

'**she may be beautiful on the outside but she's still the same mean lady on the inside' "Be careful I don't have any seatbelts so you are going to have to hang on to me"**

"**fine"**

**Despite the burning hatred for Travis, that was pretty nice of him to care about her safety, if only he thought of that when they had there ranking fight.**

Travis: …why would I care about her safety when we're trying to _kill_ each other?

**She sighed when she got on, and held on to his red jacket, she was sigh lent the whole ride.**

Crona: …how do you lend a sigh?

**Travis thinking about it was ok to find her sexy,**

Travis: _It's not_!

**Shinobu thinking about how she was going to humiliate him tonight.**

Raven: And by that she means "completely fall for him like an idiot".

**After a couple of minutes and some road rage, the finally got to the restrant.**

"**Pizza butt? Your taking me to Pizza butt?"**

"**well…"**

"**WELL WHAT? YOU COULD HAVE DID BETTER! BUT NOOO YOU JUST HAD TO BE CHEAP AND TAKE ME TO…."**

'**damn she must be chewing him out, almost feel sorry for the lad but he was gonna do my wife in the last game' thinks Henry who is hiding in the bushes .**

Raven: I still can't believe you had sex with your sister-in-law.

Travis: They had divorced by then, it was totally OK!

"**I'D RATHER GO TO FUCKING CHUCKY E. CHESE THAN GO TO…."**

**Travis stops Shinobu's constant complaining by grabbing her arms and kissing her soft lips.**

Travis: …no amount of alcohol is going to make me forget this, right?

Subarashii: Sorry, pal.

"**It's the best I could do and I didn't know what you liked so I picked hear," this was a lie, the only two reasons he came to pizza butt is because of an all you can eat buffet and he could lie and say it was his birthday and get a free desert.**

Travis: Yeah, funny thing about that? It doesn't work that often.

'**I can't believe that he just kissed her like that, and out in the open too! That could have been me but I had to go get married to that idiot Henry,' thought Sylvia, who was also hiding in the bushes near Henry.**

**When they sat down, Shinobu was still in shock after Travis's kiss, was debating with her conscience on if she should she should still do some thing to Travis.**

**Good Shinobu: wow his kiss was so warm and….**

**Bad Shinobu: and what? don't forget he cut off your arm, and last time I checked arms don't grow back.**

Subarashii: Whoa, what the hell?

Crona: …is this anything like those cartoons that have an angel and a devil on a character's shoulders?

Raven: Considering how insane this world normally is, I'd believe that.

**Good Shinobu: but he's such a nice guy, you can tell he cares about her.**

**Bad Shinobu: well see, but if one more thing gets me mad, Im gonna kill him in his sleep**

**Good Shinobu: agreed**

**Kirby: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!**

Subarashii: GAH! What the hell?

Travis: I didn't sign up for a crossover!

"**Hey Shinobu Im gonna go save my game, go get your food when I come back"**

"**that's great to say to a girl Travis"**

Raven: At least someone there knows proper etiquette.

**When Travis left for the "save point" Sylvia takes this time to go talk to Shinobu. Sylvia has on a dominatrix costume, a purple wig, and very heavy makeup**

Subarashii: …oh God, now the dominatrix clowns are never going to leave my dreams.

Crona: …AGH!

Raven: …GAH!

Travis: I'm never going to be able to look at Sylvia the same way again…

"**are you Travis's date tonight ?'**

"**yes, who are you?"**

"**I am bad girl's sister, um ah….. Liz**

Subarashii: How dare you desecrate the name of Bad Girl, heathen!

Raven: …why does she have so many fans, anyway?

Subarashii: It's her theme song. It's kickass.

**I wanted to be an assassin but I distited that its not for me, im Travis's last girlfriend."**

" **Travis didn't say he had a girlfriend"**

"**he never mentions me, he never even cared about me, we never went out, he even forgot my birthday"**

Subarashii: Crona, you should learn to play the violin for situations like these.

Crona: …that's a bit pointless…

Subarashii: Oh screw you, my comedic ideas are genius!

**Travis get out of the bathroom in time to see Sylvia talking to Shinobu.**

"**who is this?" asks Travis.**

"**your last girlfriend"**

" **my last girlfriend was Jeanne, and I killed her, YOU HELPED ME KILL HER! BESIDES CAN'T YOU SEE THAT'S A WIG!" Travis pulls the wig off of 'Liz's' head to revel Sylvia.**

Travis: Le gasp! I totally didn't see that coming!

Crona: …but you clearly did…

Travis: You don't get out much, do you?

Subarashii: Oh, like you get to talk.

Travis: Hey, I could always be worse!

Subarashii: How, by locking yourself in a college dorm room and sitting at your computer, reviewing crappy fanfics?

(elsewhere, two students locked in a college dorm room by a crazy scientist promptly spat out their coffee once they saw what was just said.)

**Ok I knew that bishop was gonna die but not like what I just saw, im not going to tell u because I think some of the people who are reading this didn't play the second no more heroes, so im only going to tell you this…. Its sad.-**

Raven: So why even bring it up?

Travis: Because this person apparently likes reminding me about it…

**"Sylvia?" Travis screamed, "WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU HERE?"**

**"Wait is this the same Sylvia that would set up the ranking fights and just watch the assassins like we where some game? Because of you I lost my arm(but without her we wouldn't have the game we all now and love, then Nintendo would go bankrupt causing the wii to fail, and would all have to play halo instead of the company that's been by our site since forever [ try doing that Sega]) said Shinobu**

Raven: …did anyone get all of that?

Travis: Well, I certainly kept the Wii from total failure, that's for sure.

Crona: …what about Mario, Zelda, Metroid, Smash Bros, Donkey Kong, Kirby-

Travis: OK, OK!

Subarashii: Also, fuck you, Sega hater.

**"I came because I was angry, plus I wanted to see how the date would go, you know besides I think this is Travis's first date after Jeanne and I think he really cares for you besides if he didn't why didn't he kill you in the first fight?"**

Travis: Because I'd feel like shit for killing a teenage girl?

**Good Shinobu: she I told you that he cared about her.**

**Bad Shinobu: yeah but the dates not over, besides didn't he want to fuck her in the first game? wasn't that the whole damn point of the first game?**

Raven: Pretty much.

Travis: Hey!

**Good Shinobu: he found out who killed his parents too, plus it didn't happen.**

**Bad Shinobu: remember lying will send you to hell.**

**Kirby: I think im going to agree with good Shinobu it looks like he really does care for her, if only meta knight cared for me like that.**

Raven: Yeah, this joke needed to be reused…

Subarashii: …*re-reads* Wait, _what the fuck_?

**Good Shinobu: since when can you speak?**

**Bad Shinobu: since when are you gay?**

**Kirby: ahh umm …. Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!**

Crona: …but…I…you…I don't…what…

Subarashii: …God, I wonder what his reaction would be if people started telling him Rainbow Dash was a les-

Crona: *covers ears, screams*

Travis: …he's a brony?

Raven: _Moving on_!

**Sylvia walks to the door "im sorry I did that, hope you kids have a good time, besides im married."**

Travis: Not anymore.

Raven: We get it, you had sex with her, shut up!

**Bad Sylvia: I curse your soul Scarlet Shinobu Jacobs, and I hope in one of your ranking fights you lose and the person whom your fighting does not give you mercy until you turn into human sushi and then I will pick you up, put you on a plate and eat you.**

**Meta Knight: damn, I wouldn't even do that, and im all for revenge.**

**Bad saliva: but I will do it one day, and Travis will watch.**

**Meta knight: you stole that from the first game.**

Subarashii: …why exactly is this author using Kirby characters?

Raven: Do you really care?

**"wow did you hear the way she said married, it sounded like she was saying a curse." said Shinobu.**

**"she's married to Henry, my twin, the guy with the bowl cut" explains Travis.**

**Outside Henry gets ready to enter the restaurant, he looks like a Mario party dropout, blue shirt and hat, and pink overalls.**

Travis: …*snerk*

Subarashii: Oooooookay…

**He spies a pizza but worker, he just has on a shirt with a slice of pizza on it, jeans, and a name tag.**

**'well he looks my size' thinks Henry 'what the hell, I already look stupid,' he takes out his beam katana and slices the workers head off, took off the workers clothes off and left the naked body in the dumpster.**

Crona: …that was excessive…

Raven: That'd describe a lot of things in those games.

**'this damn shirt is too tight for me, hope it doesn't rip.'**

**"where is our waiter? We've been waiting forever?"**

**Henry walks up to them, well not really Henry his name tag said moon love, he had on a long wig, and a fruit roll up around his arm.**

Subarashii: …the hell…?

**"what will you two have today" asked Henry/ moon love who was talking in a British/ Chinese/ Spanish ascent (try it, it doesn't sound pretty does it?)**

Subarashii: …what.

Crona: …how would you even…?

Raven: I have no idea…

**"two cokes and the buffet" said Travis**

Subarashii: The whole buffet, dude?

Travis: Hey, I get hungry pretty easily. I burn a lot of calories in my line of work.

**Thanks for reading, I think the next chapter will be my last chapter before it starts getting I little more mature, and if your wondering this may be my first fan fiction, but its not my first time writing a sex scene, I think my first sex story was Mario and peach's amazing journey to the planet Uranus! Worst thing I ever wrote but it helped me pass 7th grade English-**

Crona: …you wrote a sex scene between Mario and Peach and you actually _passed_?

Subarashii: …my brain. It's filled to the brim with fuck.

**"And remember Henry always say Its-a me! Or Mario time, or fist pump(I love to fist pump) besides its not like your twin is mister honor student you know." said Mario**

**"thanks Mario have you ever been wrong?"**

**"there was that time when I said stomp on your turtle, that time you married Sylvia, that time when you divorced Sylvia…."**

**"thanks Mario"**

Travis: …did the world get crazier than before and someone forgot to tell me?

**Henry starts to walk to Travis's table, huge platter of food and drinks in his hand, pretends to trip and gets all of the food that was on the platter on Shinobu.**

**"Oops" says Henry**

**"BAD MOVE HENRY… BAD MOVE! YOUR GONNA DIE MAN! DID YOU EVEN SEE THE WAY SHE KILLED THOSE GUYS IN ASIA?"**

**"Its ok Mario I have my beam katana right…." Henry felt around in his back pocket for his purple beam katana but nothing was there**

**"im going to die today, I might as well take it like a man and take it, besides I always thought that I would die from some fat lady sitting on me or something…"**

Subarashii: …I think I might've dropped some LSD into my morning drink or something…

Travis: …you got any more on you? That might actually improve things a bit.

Subarashii: Yeah, well…_someone_ wouldn't like that.

Raven: So sorry I try to keep a degree of normalcy around here.

**Shinobu had smoke coming out her ears like an old 1950's cartoon, Travis didn't know what to do.**

**Good Travis: just take her home and clean her up, and we could just get the pizza to go.**

**Bad Travis: just after Shinobu kills this guy, bloods gonna be everywhere, he should die, that dress she had on was so moe.**

Subarashii: Yeah, totally not sexual…

Travis: They're using it wrong!

**Good Travis: but what about the rest of the people here?**

**Bad Travis: everyone knows not to fuck with an angry chick with a katana.**

**Good Travis: but….**

**Bad Travis: EVERYONE KNOWS**

Travis: Words of wisdom.

**Shinobu stood up, kicked Henry in his balls multiple times and stormed out the door.**

Guys: *wince*

**Kirby: awe honey there's nothing a little soap and water can't fix besides you were having a good time weren't you?**

**Good Shinobu and Bad Shinobu: yeah I guess so.**

**Good Shinobu: lets get back in there clean up**

Travis: You know, I can accept living in a world where an entire club of assassins can exist without any resistance from the police, as well as being able to survive impossible levels of damage…but I draw the line at other video game characters popping up as avatars of insanity. That's just too much crazy for me.

**She walked back into the restaurant to find Travis staring at the waiter, something about him was oddly familiar about him.**

**"hey can I come back too your place to clean up?"**

**"ok, just after I eat."**

**Princess Peach: NO NO NO Travis, know wonder you still live alone! You could've just went but your too hungry, the poor girl is covered in cheese and diet coke!**

Travis: Aw, dude! Why do I get Peach as my psycho avatar?

Raven: Because you're obsessed with sex?

Travis: I am not obsessed!

Crona: …*snerk*

Subarashii: …dude, if not even Crona believes you, you've already lost.

**Bad Travis: but im hungry.**

**Princess Peach: fine but hurry up and EAT!**

**Bad Travis: cough*bitch* cough.**

**Princess Peach: what did you say to me?**

**Bad Travis: who said something? My mouth was full. I would never say something like that your like the bestest person in the world.**

**Princess Peach: I thought so.**

Travis: That's it, I'm trading her in for Bowser.

**After diner, the manager said that the food was free and he was sorry that the platter spilled on Shinobu and then kicked Henry so hard in the balls that his wig fell off and revealed his true self.**

Guys: *wince*

Subarashii: Shite, that must've been a hard one…

**"Isn't that your brother?" said Shinobu**

**"yeah, wonder why he's here? You don't think he likes you too?"**

**"Ew" Travis kicks Henry in the balls, "that's gross, plus he was married."**

Guys: *wince*

Raven: …are you going to do that every time?

Guys: Yes.

**They left the restaurant soon after, Henry woke up 20 minuets later, naked on a bed.**

**"*grone* it feels like some on smashed me sperm globes with a rock, and why am I naked?"**

**Henry turned around to find Luigi next to him… also naked.**

**"I saw what you did too Silvia the night you got married…. Now do it to weegee. Besides you're the one that said "don't hate me if I play a tad dirty. Come to weegee you naughty boy!"**

**"Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!"**

All: *confused silence*

Travis: …I don't know whether to laugh or feel sorry for him.

Subarashii: I'm too busy wondering what the fuck's going on to decide.

**Meanwhile Travis waited for Shinobu to get out the shower.**

**Princess Peach: you were just thinking of hopping in the shower with her you purvey!**

**Bad Travis: your just jealous cause you haven't gotten any from Mario in a while.**

**Princess peach: I am not!**

Travis: OK, officially out of character. If anything, Mario would be the one starved for sex, not Peach.

Crona: …I'm not going to walk away from this with any degree of innocence left, am I?

Travis: Nope.

Crona: *whimpers*

**"hey Travis do you have anything I can wear?"**

**Travis thought for a second there was that bizarre jelly cosplay he bought online.**

**"Do you like cosplay?"**

**"Its fine, just pass it to me"**

**'would she like blueberry or cranberry…" and then he found strawberry.**

Travis: …*starts shaking head* No! Bad thoughts! Bad! Away with you! AWAY I SAY!

**- the next story I write will be a continueasion of this story only m for mature so all you kiddys out there be careful when reading J**

Travis: Oh, great…

**This will be my last chapter before Travis and Shinobu become friends … with benefits heh heh, wink wink nudge nudge, heh WHAT AM I SAYING? And I think my next story everyone who wants to read it look in the M file (there aren't many there, yet the game is M) and the only reason im so late with the last chapter is because im stuck on rank 10 and plus its bitter so… its pretty hard –**

Raven: You shouldn't use the term "friends with benefits" if you don't actually know what it means.

**Shinobu got out of the shower and saw what Travis sat out for her, bizarre jelly cosplay, yeah she liked anime but there was barely anything there to cover herself up.**

**Bad Shinobu: he has to be kidding he wants me to look like this, that pervert!**

**Good Shinobu: well he maybe didn't want to give up one of his good…. Is that a cat?**

**Jean the cat randomly walks into the bathroom,**

**Good Jeane: aw my master has a date**

**Bad Jeane: I don't like it what if he forgets about me, what if he doesn't FEED ME? She must die today!**

Subarashii: Wow, even your cat's crazy.

Travis: That's normal, cats are just crazy in general.

Crona: …I can vouch for that…

**Big the cat: I MUST FIND FROGGY!**

Crona: AGH!

Subarashii: Oh dear God, _no_!

Travis: Why? Why would you torture my cat with _him_? You sick bastard!

**Froggy: oh no you don't your ideas of fun are too dangerous**

**Big the cat: FUN**

**Froggy: you pushed me off a cliff and screamed 'be free!"**

**Big the cat: BE FREE!**

**And with that big threw the poor frog at the wall so hard that it split in half.**

**Big the cat: wake up Froggy**

Raven: …that was unnecessary.

**"Aww Travis you didn't tell me you had a cat, she's so cute"**

**Travis gulps, and stares at Shinobu for a m 'god im so happy I bought that cosplay online that day'**

Crona: …wait. Why would you have that in the first place?

Travis: For collection's sake. Duh.

Subarashii: …you do have a thing for collecting stuff.

Travis: Gotta have sidequests.

Subarashii: Yeah, which was partially why No More Heroes 2 wasn't-

Travis: Shut up.

**" that's Jeane, she's the closes thing I have to family I have left, well that and Henry."**

**-**_**meanwhile-**_

**"And im the older brother, and I still didn't get married, yeah daisy's pretty nice but she's very coincided, its always 'daisy's the best' and Mario is the ladies man, do you know the last time I did it with a woman? Yeah toads pretty nice but…..*starts to cry*"**

Travis: …I don't even know where to begin…

Crona: …um, Mario is the older brother. Luigi's just taller.

Travis: …wasn't going to be that, but whatever.

**"Aww weegee" Henry coos "the only reason I married Sylvia is because of your brother, I was going to be a rocket sermon, every high paying job, until….**

Crona: …"rocket sermon"?

Raven: *shrugs*

**Flashback**

**"Hey henrys, the big test is tomorrow, can you help me study?" asks Sylvia.**

**"yeah, I guess we need to share a book than, so what are you studding?"**

**"the male genitals"**

Raven: …really? Not even going to try to be subtle, are you?

**Ok to keep the rating teen, I will explain what happened during the 'study hour', in ways that teens can understand, they did the nasty, they knocked boots, they locked the door and played Mario cart wii, they screwed on the bolt, they tried to make babies, she went on a ride on his disco stick.**

Raven: Yes, thank you, we got the general idea.

Subarashii: Also, if you really think teens don't know this shit already…what are you on to give you that kind of delusion?

**Now lets keep the rest of the sex for the next story.**

**Flashback over**

**"And I know that she tried to make love to Travis, In the last game but.."**

**"You still love her" said weegee stuffing a bon bon in his mouth. " that's so cute! I say you remarry her, before she becomes an old crazy cat lady."**

**"I will!"**

**"so cute!"**

Travis: …so, what, did they do it or not?

Subarashii: Do you seriously want to know if your brother had sex with Luigi?

Travis: I figure it'd be something to tease him about later.

Subarashii: Yeah, about that…

Travis: Lemme guess: I can't tell anyone, can I?

Subarashii: 'Fraid not.

Travis: Fucking figures.

**-At Travis's apartment-**

**"So Travis do you have any normal movies?" asks Shinobu .**

Trio: No.

Travis: Oh, fuck all of you.

**"ok let me check, personal assistant, no. Alice in wonderland: pajama party, no. sailor moon X the movie, *looks at back* we can watch this.**

**"sailor moon? I loved that show I always loved that show, I use to watch it with*starts to cry* with my dad**

**"im so sorry I didn't know…"**

**"its ok, *hugs Travis close to her* just as long as you hold me when we watch it."**

Raven: …Sailor Moon? Really? That's what sets her off? …there are no words.

**Bad Travis: oh man im packing heat!**

**Good Travis: hide it! Before she….**

**"what's this thing that's poking me?" asks Shinobu**

Travis: No! Bad penis! Down! Down!

Subarashii: Dude, stop talking to your penis! That's just weird!

Crona & Raven: *groan*

**Travis stands up and before he could hide it Shinobu sees Travis's bulge in his pants.**

**" that's gross Travis, what's wrong Travis are you nervous?" * she starts to rub his leg***

Raven: …the first half of that sentence isn't meshing very well with the second half.

**Bad Shinobu : good, good! Now finish the deed * level up music***

**Narrorator: congratulations! You have now leveled up to evil Shinobu**

**Bad Shinobu: Mwhahahahahaha!**

Travis: Oh God, her avatars are actually leveling up!

**Good Shinobu: what's the deed? And why don't I level up?**

**Bad Shinobu now Evil Shinobu: because im better than thou.**

**Good Shinobu: no Shinobu don't do this, if you keep going your evil side will swallow you whole.**

**Evil Shinobu: that's what she said. Now lets finish this.**

**"Come on Travis lets take this game to the bedroom."**

**"Ummm… oh!"**

Travis: …never thought I'd be upset at getting laid.

Subarashii: So says the self-proclaimed "sexbomb".

Travis: Shut up.

**She pushes him on the bed and climbs on top of him.**

**"are you nervous?"**

**"….no…."**

**She takes off his jacket and shirt,**

**"are you nervous"**

**"…no…"**

**She unbuckles his belt,**

**"are you…"**

Travis: Yes, I'm friggin' nervous! Stop asking!

***!SLAM!***

"**GUESS WHAT TRAVIS! *sees Shinobu on top of him and his twin half naked*….. im getting married"**

Raven: Wait, what?

Crona: What's going on?

Subarashii: Who just burst in? Who's getting married?

Travis: What's all this about Shinobu having a twin?

**- so that's the end of the story check the M file for my next story! Sorry it took so long, did anyone ever beat Alice moonlight on bitter? Some one please help me**

Travis: No, don't end it there! What happened? Did I have sex with her or not?

Subarashii: Do you really want to know if you had sex with Shinobu?

Travis: Yes, I want to know if I had sex with the high school samurai!

/

The lights slowly came back on as the group stared at the screen, left utterly confused after what they had just seen.

"…well…" Travis started. "I can say that that was one of the weirdest experiences of my life. And I've been through some shit."

"Yeah, I know…" Subarashii replied.

"I mean…where do you even start with this?"

"Take whatever drugs the author was on and go from there?"

"…actually, there is something I want to say."

Travis then got to his feet, looking directly at the large screen in front of them.

"I'd just like to take a second and clear up this misconception you people seem to have of me. I am _not_ a pedophile! I'm a pervert!"

Raven faltered slightly. _The hell?_ she thought.

"I may hopelessly long for the female body, but that doesn't mean I'm going to screw everything that moves!" Travis continued. "Being perverted doesn't mean I'm a rapist! And unlike a lot of people out there, at least I'm honest about it! I'd like to see you people admit to your sick fantasies! So get off of your high horses and stop painting people like me as the bad guys!"

Silence filled the room again as the other three all stared at Travis, who was still facing the screen. Crona looked completely lost, and Raven looked as though she couldn't believe a word of what she just heard.

Subarashii, however, soon got to his feet as well, walking up beside Travis.

"You know something?"

Travis turned to look at him. "What?"

Subarashii crossed his arms. "…you're absolutely right."

_WHAT?_ Raven thought, faltering more.

"I mean, who do these people think they are to make you look bad just because you're open with who you are?" he continued.

"Exactly!" Travis replied.

"Being honest about yourself doesn't make you less of a person! In fact, it makes you more of a man than they are!"

"Yes!"

The two stared at one another for a few seconds. Soon, Subarashii held out his hand, and Travis took it, giving it a firm shake.

"I had you all wrong, Travis." Subarashii said. "You're alright in my book."

"Yeah, same goes for you, Cap'n." Travis replied.

They let go of each other's hands, before balling them into fists and tapping them together. Travis then looked at Raven and Crona.

"Well, it's been fun kids, but I gotta get out of here. This place is way too crazy for me. I'm gonna go back to my world where I can kill fifteen people for money and then go mow someone's lawn."

Subarashii chuckled slightly as Travis started heading up the stairs. "Rock on, bro."

Travis waved at them before heading through the doors and out of the theater.

Subarashii turned to look at the others, before blinking in surprise.

"…what's your problem?"

Raven grumbled, rubbing her temples. "Don't mind me. I'm still recovering from the fact that I had to deal with two of you today…"

Subarashii rolled his eyes in response, before looking at Crona.

"…you OK, Crona?"

Crona flinched slightly, looking down at his feet. His hands fidgeted in his lap nervously, giving enough indication that there was something wrong.

Subarashii sighed. "Don't tell me you're thinking about that letter from earlier…"

Raven looked up at Crona in surprise. "…is that true?"

Crona didn't look up, but gave a small sigh. "W-Well…it's just that…she called Ragnarok my brother…"

"…and?" Subarashii asked.

"Well…I don't know if I should think of him like that…"

Subarashii stared at Crona for a few seconds, before giving another sigh and kneeling down beside him to get a better look at his face.

"Does Ragnarok consider you a brother?"

Crona blinked. "…I don't know…"

"Then don't worry about it. Whether he does or he doesn't, I'm sure you'll find out sooner or later. Even so, if he does, then he hasn't been doing a very good job of being a brother."

"H-He hasn't…?"

"Not in my eyes. Brothers are supposed to look out for one another. They're supposed to protect each other. Maybe he has been doing that, in his own way, and maybe he hasn't. Point is, you shouldn't focus on something like that when you didn't even consider it until today."

Crona frowned in response, quietly contemplating what Subarashii had said. After a few seconds, Subarashii got back to his feet.

"Anyway, you definitely shouldn't be thinking about that sort of thing because some idiot mentioned it to purposely get under your skin. That's just giving her what she wants, and you don't want to do that. She wouldn't know the first thing about being a good brother anyway."

He then turned, facing the stairs. "And besides, she called Maka a hussy, so it's not like she knows much at all."

Crona froze, suddenly remembering that part of the letter. Subarashii, meanwhile, gave a silent wave as he ascended the stairs and headed out the doors.

Raven stared at where the doors, slightly surprised at him suddenly giving advice like that. She didn't expect him to care enough to even acknowledge Crona's problem, much less give his thoughts on the matter.

…_maybe I had him wrong…_ she thought.

She looked back at Crona, who was staring at the screen, his face expressionless. She gave him a small nudge with her elbow.

"You OK?"

"…well, it's weird." Crona replied. "Part of me is wondering how I overlooked that she said that…and the other part of me is telling the first part of me to stop wondering that and focus on not smashing something."

Raven gave a slightly weary smile, deciding it be better to just let Crona calm down. Before long, though, her thoughts soon turned to something else.

_He skipped him. He didn't go through what we went through._

She frowned, leaning forward in her chair, a hand under her chin.

_Why didn't it happen to him?_

/

Whew! That shouldn't have taken so long.

Anyway, another thing I forgot to mention: since Halloween's coming up soon, I'm hoping to do a special for the occasion. So, if you guys could send me some Halloween-themed fics, or just generally bad scary fics for a review, that'd be great! But remember, they need to be _bad_. So, something that attempts to be scary and falls on its face, or is just horror-themed but is a piece of crap will do! Looking forward to what you have!

Also, keep an eye on the Soul Eater spinoff! The next few updates are gonna be doozies! You'll see…

Anyway, until next time!


	23. Shine

Alrighty folks, it's time to bring this little plot to a close. I know it's kind of weird to have it finish in the main fic, where most of it took place in the Soul Eater spinoff and I made the reference in the Teen Titans spinoff, but this is the crossover, so this is where this has to take place.

I know, I'm weird, but it'll drive me crazy if I don't do it like this.

At any rate, I hope you enjoy this.

/

There were two kinds of people in the world: ones who think with their minds, and ones who think with their hearts. Either those who used logic for their decisions, or those who used emotions.

Raven liked to think that she fell into the former category. She knew more than most what could happen if one let emotions rule their actions. So she had to focus on using her mind and logic for decision-making, and had to shove her personal feelings on matters aside.

She had a feeling she wouldn't be able to do that so easily today.

She continued to pace back and forth in front of the front row of the theater, impatiently waiting for Crona to arrive. All the while wondering just how serious the situation was.

Cyborg had said that someone had attacked the room while they were gone, and it had happened recently. And considering the number of people who knew about the theater were few, it didn't leave many suspects. Sure, Subarashii could've been behind it, but it didn't seem very likely, unless he had been doing reviews on his own and hadn't told anyone.

_That wouldn't work, though…_ Raven thought. _He'd brag at every opportunity that he was getting "more screen time"._

So it had to be Crona. It didn't seem impossible that Subarashii would attack the theater directly, but Crona had more of an emotional investment in the place. With Maka beside him, watching along with him as their friends and loved ones were torn apart and mocked for them to see, he would be more likely to react in such a way.

Not to mention, Raven was aware that Crona could get destructive if pushed too far. He had been the first to ever attack the theater directly, and he had shown a side of himself Raven didn't know existed before then. And that had been shocking for all of them, since no one had ever expected anything would happen that would provoke such a reaction.

But if Cyborg's explanation was anything to go by, the damage had been a lot more extensive than ever before. Meaning the situation was a lot worse.

Raven stopped mid-step when she heard the doors at the top of the stairs open. She looked up as Crona entered the room, slowly walking down the steps.

He stopped at the bottom of the stairs, turning to look at Raven. What bothered Raven right then was the strange smile on Crona's face. It looked almost…sad.

It definitely didn't help her mood any.

"H-Hi Raven…" Crona said.

"Hi, Crona." Raven responded. "Sorry for calling you out here like this. I just heard some things from Cyborg and-"

"It's OK…" Crona interrupted. "…this will work out better…"

Raven definitely didn't like the sound of that.

"What do you mean by that…?" she asked.

"…could you do me a favour…?" Crona asked, looking down at his feet.

"Yes…?"

Crona gave a small sigh, before continuing.

"…when the next session with Subarashii starts…please say goodbye to him for me."

Raven's eyes widened as Crona's words hit her with the force of a falling house.

…_goodbye?_ she thought. _…he's…he's actually…_

Crona looked back up at her, sad smile still on his face.

"I'm sorry, Raven…" he continued. "I can't…I can't do this anymore. I can't be here anymore…I…I just can't…I wish I could explain it better than that, but…I need to stay away from here…I'm sorry…"

It had finally happened. The Host had pushed Crona past his breaking point. Whatever he had shown him, it was enough to make Crona throw in the towel and decide that he had had enough. That he had to run away from this place.

Raven didn't know what to do. Her heart was screaming at her to do something. To ask Crona not to go, to yell at him for even considering the idea, to tell him to think this through, to just run over and hug him, to do something to make him not leave.

Luckily, her mind was able to ignore that, and focused on forming some sort of plan.

She had lowered her head, slowly muttering her chant to herself to calm herself down, while simultaneously thinking of a way to get the answers she needed. Finally, after a few agonizing minutes of silence, she spoke.

"…you're serious about this?" she asked.

"…yes. I am."

Raven sighed, looking back up at Crona. "Alright then."

Crona blinked as Raven walked over to him. She stopped right in front of him, before holding her hand out, palm up.

"If that's the case…" she continued. "Please give me the communicator back."

Crona's eyes widened in surprise. "W-What?"

"The way you're talking about this is as though you're doing this for your own good. If that's the case, then you need to cut yourself off from this theater completely. If you keep that communicator…if you keep in contact with me, you'll be too tempted to return. And if this is for your own good, that'll only make things hard for you all over again."

She sighed, hating that she had to say this. "If you have to say goodbye to this place…you have to say goodbye to me too."

Raven knew she was making a huge gamble with this. She could tell from the look on his face that he hadn't expected her to suddenly do this, but it was the best way for her to tell if she had a chance at fixing things.

She knew that she could easily be giving up her one chance to help him. But, if he really was serious about this, then it may be best to let him go.

She saw him slowly raise his hand up, the communicator already in it. His hand slowly moved closer to her own, until it was hovering above hers.

Crona looked up at Raven, almost expecting her to reach up and take it.

Raven didn't move a muscle. She stood there, waiting for him to place the communicator in her hand.

She watched his hand continue to hover above hers. It had started to shake, yet it kept a tight grip on the communicator. The rest of Crona's body started to shake with it, his face a mix of sadness and fear.

The two of them stood there for a few minutes, waiting for the other to make a move. Crona was starting to hope that Raven would hurry up and just take the communicator, taking the choice away from him so he didn't have to make it. And yet, she didn't move an inch towards or away from him.

Then, his hand fell away from hers.

The communicator was still gripped tightly in his own hand.

Raven sighed, before moving beside him and wrapping an arm around his shaking shoulders. She gently pulled him along towards their normal seats.

"R-Raven, no…"

"It's alright…come on…"

"R-Raven, please…don't try to talk me into staying…"

It hurt her that Crona was begging like this. She was hurting him in some small way, and that was the last thing that she wanted to do. However, now that she knew that there was a chance, she had to act.

"It's OK, Crona…" she quietly assured him. "I just want to talk…"

She stopped in front of his seat, Crona still shaking like a leaf. Not seeing any way out of this, Crona reluctantly sat down, keeping his head lowered.

Raven moved in front of him, placing both of her hands on his shoulders.

"Crona, I'm not going to try and talk you into staying."

Crona looked back up at her, surprised.

"Y-You're not…?"

"No, I'm not. Believe me, I don't blame you at all for wanting to leave. After some of the things we've seen, I wouldn't blame anyone for wanting to get away from this."

She frowned, knowing what she had to say next. "But I meant what I said when I said that this has to be it. If you're going to go, you have to cut yourself off from this completely. …if this is it, then this has to be the last time we talk to each other."

Crona looked as though he was about to start crying.

Raven couldn't blame him at all.

She pulled away from him, then sat beside him in her seat. "But, if this is going to be the last time we talk, I want to know why. I know you didn't just wake up this morning and decide that you were going to call it quits. Something had to happen that triggered it."

She gently placed a hand on his shoulder, causing him to flinch slightly.

"I think that, as your friend, I'm owed that much."

She watched Crona continue to shake, looking as though he was going to burst into tears at any second. She watched him lower his head and take in a very shaky breath.

"…this has not been a good week for me…"

Raven folded her hands in her lap, letting Crona talk.

"…it started off with a mission." Crona began. "It was the first one I was actually assigned to, instead of just helping someone else with theirs…Maka and Soul were with me, and we finished it together…but then…"

Crona started to shiver again, not wanting to think about what had happened.

"There was another pre-Kishin…a much stronger one than the other…he was going to attack Maka…"

Raven's eyes widened. "Is she OK? Did something happen to her?"

"N-No, she's fine…I…I made sure of that…"

Raven frowned. If Maka was alright, why was Crona looking so distraught?

"…I…I _snapped_, Raven. He was going to kill her, and I completely lost it…"

"…was it _that_ bad?" Raven asked, looking at Crona's shaking form.

"Yes!" Crona suddenly shouted, turning to look at Raven. "It was terrible! I…I don't even remember what I did, Raven! It was just one long blur! I only know what happened because of what Soul told me! I…I _scared them_, Raven! They won't say it out loud, but I know I did!"

"OK, OK, just calm down." Raven replied, holding his shoulders again. "Just take it easy, and tell me what happened."

Crona gave a few shaky breaths, before slowly calming down. He looked down at his feet, the rest of his body still shaking.

"Soul said…he said that I kept screaming at him…that I actually pinned him down and started punching him…I actually punched Dracula in the face!"

_Dracula?_ Raven thought. _…oh, right, the pre-Kishins take their names after other monsters…_

"Well, if Subarashii ever catches wind of this, he definitely won't shut up about it…" she mused aloud.

"R-Raven…"

"Sorry. Go on."

Crona sighed, before continuing. "I kept hitting him…Soul said that I headbutted him once…I dropped the mast of a ship on him…I even made Ragnarok grow wings…"

Raven blinked. "I thought you said you couldn't do that anymore?"

"We couldn't…but I guess the souls he ate helped…but I could only hold them for a little bit…after that, we both fell underwater…"

Crona reached up and started rubbing the side of his neck. "I do remember him biting me…"

Raven's eyes widened. "He bit you? Dracula _bit_ you?"

"I-It's OK…" Crona replied, forcing a smile. "H-He wasn't a real vampire…"

He sighed again, finishing the story. "Anyway…we fought for a bit longer…and then I killed him."

Raven frowned. She still wasn't sure what the problem was. Yes, Crona going into a fit of rage was a bit unusual for him, but considering the circumstances, it wasn't that much of a surprise. So why was Crona acting so upset?

"…that's not all that happened, is it?" Raven asked.

Crona shook his head. "…like I said…it's been a bad week…"

"Go on…"

"…a couple of days after the mission, I "hung out" with Soul, Black*Star, and Kid…" Crona began. "Soul wanted to make me feel better after the mission…but I had already promised Maka that I would spend time with her…I felt bad for breaking my promise, so I got her something…"

Raven couldn't help but smile a little as a blush started to appear on Crona's face. "It was this teddy bear I won at the arcade…I thought she would like it, and that it would make up for me not being there…"

_Well, now I'm definitely thankful Subarashii isn't here…_ Raven thought. _He'd never stop going on about this…_

But Raven could tell from the way the conversation had been going that this couldn't have ended well.

"…then what happened?" she asked.

"…on the way home, I got separated from the others…and then I ran into some guys…"

_Oh no…_ Raven thought, already connecting the dots.

"Crona, listen to me." she said, leaning closer to get his attention. "There's nothing wrong with you defending yourself. They provoked you, so it's only natural to react-"

"Th-That's not it…" Crona interrupted. "I didn't…I didn't do anything…"

_Didn't do anything? What does he mean by that?_ Raven wondered.

Her eyes slowly widened in shock as she began to figure it out.

…_no…he couldn't have…_

"…are you saying that you…" Raven started.

Crona flinched. "…they said that they were dropouts…people who didn't make it at the academy…they were mad, because they weren't allowed back while…while someone like me was…"

He looked down at his feet again, seemingly shrinking into himself in shame.

"So…I…I let them beat me…"

Raven stared at Crona, unsure of what to think. She knew that Crona felt guilty over everything that he had done, but she never expected him to let it take control of him to that extent.

She slowly reached up, tapping the palm of her hand on the top of Crona's head.

Crona looked up at her in mild surprise, only to flinch at the stern expression on her face.

"Don't you ever do something like that again." she ordered. "They had no right to pass judgment on you like that. They didn't care about what you did at all. They were just looking for someone to hurt, and it just happened to be you."

"I-I-I know…" Crona answered, looking away from Raven. "I know that now…it's just…"

He sighed, his hands clenched in his lap. "I want to get past that, Raven…really, I do…but every time I start to, something reminds me of what happened…and I start feeling bad all over again…"

He then shook his head. "Anyway…that wasn't the bad part…"

Raven blinked. "How could it not be?"

"…one of them…one of them ripped the bear…and I snapped again…"

Raven frowned, now starting to understand what the overall problem was.

"I…I was trying to do something right…" Crona continued. "I was trying to make up for something…I was trying to make Maka happy…and they ruined that! They went out of their way to ruin it for no good reason! I just…I couldn't take that…"

Raven's hand found Crona's shoulder again, gently rubbing it to try to comfort him.

"…I didn't kill any of them, but I hurt them pretty badly…" he muttered. "And then…I got the bear to Maka, and…"

He turned to look at Raven again, looking incredibly distraught.

"Maka _cried_, Raven. I made her cry."

"Crona, come on, you didn't-" Raven started.

"Yes I did!" he interrupted. "She said that she was scared because I disappeared, because I could've got hurt! And I let myself get hurt because I felt bad, and I made her fear come true! She cried and it's all my fault!"

Raven was about to give Crona a hug, hoping that would help him calm down, but he had already turned away from her, continuing his story.

"That was when I decided that I had to get this under control…" he explained. "I don't want to hurt her anymore…I can't let that happen…"

Raven sighed, finding it hard to believe that Crona would ever hurt Maka, even unintentionally.

"I had started to get ahold of it…" he continued. "I was forcing myself to not get angry at things anymore…and then…"

"And then something else happened." Raven finished.

"…Maka and I were having lunch in front of the school…" Crona started. "It was such a nice day…nothing bad had happened…Maka actually made me lunch…"

Raven smiled slightly as Crona started to blush again. It amazed her how even the slightest gesture of kindness or generosity from someone, Maka most of all, could make him so happy.

"…but…there was this girl…"

Raven blinked. "Who?"

"S-Someone Maka knew…she walked up behind us, and kept saying things about her…kept making fun of her…"

Crona had started to shake again. "She actually called her a _mistake_…"

Raven tensed, feeling a flash of anger that she had to quickly push away. It was such an unnecessarily cruel thing to say, yet it was obvious to Raven that that was the intent. To anger or upset the target.

"R-Raven, your nails are digging into my shoulder…" Crona stuttered.

Raven blinked, then quickly pulled her hand away.

"Sorry. …what happened?"

"Well…Maka asked me to just ignore her, and I tried really hard to…but…everything she was saying…"

…_oh no…_ Raven thought.

Crona looked up at Raven and saw the horrified expression on her face.

"I-I didn't actually hurt her!" he exclaimed, waving his hands in front of him. "I-I mean, not physically…"

Raven's expression softened, but she was now confused. "What do you mean?"

"W-Well…I don't know how it happened…but all of a sudden, I was saying all these things to her…I was basically telling her everything that was wrong with her…I was tearing her apart for being a weak-willed bully…"

Crona sighed. "If Subarashii was here, he'd call it a "Reason You Suck Speech"…"

Raven gave a slight smirk, almost expecting the counter to come up.

"So? What's wrong with that?" she asked.

"It's just…I don't know how it happened…one minute I was angry, and then I suddenly figured out why she was acting this way…and what was even weirder was that Maka wasn't mad at me…she said that I had done the right thing by standing up to her…"

A smile broke out on Crona's face. "I made progress…if I could control this long enough so I wouldn't hurt someone, sooner or later, I wouldn't get angry at these things at all!"

Raven couldn't help but feel sorry for Crona right then. She knew that he was a bit childlike and naïve in nature, so he couldn't know that just forcing his anger away would only cause him problems in the long run. He couldn't have known that this could easily backfire.

"…and then…" Crona continued, smile disappearing. "It all fell apart…"

Raven sighed. "You came here…"

Crona looked down at his feet again, starting to shake as he remembered what had happened the last time he was here.

"…Crona…" Raven whispered, her hand returning to his shoulder. "What did you see?"

Crona sighed, his voice now very bitter.

"It was almost as bad as Prison at Home."

Raven's eyes widened in shock, barely believing what she'd just heard.

…_how? How did he even find something like that?_ she wondered.

"God, Crona…" Raven whispered.

"I know…" he replied. "…it didn't have Maka go through…_that_ again, but…it did to her what the other one did to Soul…"

"What do you mean? …she didn't…"

"She abused me. She yelled at me, hit me, made me do things…she actually tied me down to a table and cut me open…"

Crona looked back at Raven, noticing the expression of equal parts horror and disgust.

"…yeah. Maka had that same look…that, with the fact that someone suggested that she would do that, and that they compared her to…Medusa…"

_Sweet Azar, how could The Host do this to them…?_ Raven wondered.

"…you snapped again…" she finished aloud.

Crona looked at the screen, eyes wandering around it.

"I only managed to ask Maka to leave before I completely lost it…I was just attacking anything I could…I don't even really remember what I was trying to do…I only stopped because I got tired…"

Raven looked up at the screen as well. Going by what Cyborg had said, it had taken a lot of energy to fix things this time. Whatever Crona had done, it had been more extensive than ever before. And if what Crona said was true…

"Crona, are you trying to say…"

"Yeah…" Crona answered. "I think I would've brought this whole place down if I could have…"

Raven looked back at Crona, who now had a resigned look on his face.

"That's why I have to go, Raven…" he explained. "If I keep coming back, I'm going to keep losing control…if someone else was here the next time I freaked out…"

"Crona, don't even start thinking that."

Crona turned to look at her, slightly surprised at her suddenly speaking up.

"You can't go and run away because of something that _might_ happen." Raven explained. "You don't know that something that bad will happen any time soon, or ever again. OK, you've had a rough week, but that doesn't mean you'll go through this sort of thing _every_ week."

Crona stared at Raven for a few moments, not even remotely convinced by what she had said. He then decided to get to the other point that he needed to make.

He slowly raised his hand up to his mouth. He placed his thumb in-between his teeth.

Raven winced as she watched Crona bite down, giving a slight groan of pain, yet holding the thumb there for a few moments.

He then pulled it out and showed it to Raven. A few trickles of black were dripping out of the fresh wound on it.

"…there are two things that I remember from my fight with Dracula…" Crona said. "One of them was what he said to me, right before I killed him…he said that I was "a monster, just pretending to be a man"…"

Raven felt another flash of anger, this one mixed with frustration. _He can't be taking this seriously…_

"It's one thing that I'm…like this…" Crona continued. "That I'm physically a monster…but now I'm _acting_ like one too. I'm not thinking at all with these things…I just jump to killing without any warning…I'm turning into what Medusa wanted me to be. I'm turning into something I don't want to be, and it's _scaring_ me…"

"Crona…" Raven started.

Crona held up his other hand, letting the bleeding one rest on the arm of the chair. "I know you don't believe me…but there's more…"

Raven frowned. "What?"

"…there was a reason I killed Dracula."

"Of course there was a reason. You were trying to protect-"

"No. I wasn't."

Raven blinked, taken aback. "…what?"

Crona sighed. "If I was trying to protect Maka, I would've done what she asked me and just escaped with her…instead, I just kept attacking Dracula…"

_That still doesn't make any sense…_ Raven thought. _He could've just been trying to prevent a future attack…_

"I still remember him so clearly…" Crona continued. "I can see him now…grinning down at me, _mocking_ me…the white hair, the red eyes, the fangs…"

There was a pause, before Crona sat back in his chair, looking at Raven. She wondered why he was staring at her like that. As though he was waiting for her to say something.

_What does he want me to say? Was there something he said I'm supposed to respond to? All he did was describe what Dracula looked like. And him having white hair and red eyes isn't unusual, plenty of versions have had-_

Raven stopped, suddenly realizing something. That sort of description could fit someone else. Someone both she and Crona knew of.

Someone Crona knew personally.

…_no…he can't really mean…_

Crona smiled a bitter smile as he saw the realization on Raven's face.

"Exactly…I thought he was the Soul that hurt Maka…the one from the story…"

Raven stared at Crona, completely unsure of how to react to that. How could one react, to someone saying that he'd convinced himself to kill another version of his friend?

"I know it sounds stupid…" Crona continued. "But, somehow, I had tricked myself into thinking it was true…I had believed that he was going to hurt Maka like that again…that he had already done it once…"

He started to shake again. "I wasn't acting to protect her…I was just getting revenge…revenge against something that's not even _real_! I was just acting out my own anger at that thing that I still haven't got over! What if I start making excuses to do that? What if I wind up attacking my friends because other versions of them have hurt me or someone else-"

"Crona, that's enough." Raven interrupted, grabbing Crona's wrist.

Crona turned to look at her again, still shaking a little. Raven sighed, lifting up Crona's arm and looking at his bleeding thumb.

"First of all, in regards to this…" she started, before looking at him. "Did you really forget that you're not the only one sitting here with "abnormal" blood?"

Crona blinked in surprise, which was enough indication to Raven that he had forgotten. She gave a small smile, letting Crona's arm rest on the chair again.

"Well, that's comforting." she remarked.

"I-I'm sorry, Raven…I'm just being selfish again-"

"Stop that." she interrupted. "This is about you right now, not me."

Crona flinched slightly, but Raven continued on unabated.

"I'm different from normal humans. I understand that, and so do my friends. They get that I'm "unusual", and they don't care. They've accepted me for who and what I am."

She looked back up at Crona, a slightly exasperated look on her face. "And you can't honestly tell me that Maka hasn't already accepted that you're different too."

Crona looked away, feeling stupid for having ever brought the subject up to begin with.

Raven sighed, gently patting Crona's arm.

"You know…I think the reason we can get along as easily as we can is because we're so alike."

Crona looked back at her, slightly surprised. "W-We are…?"

"Yeah. We're both "different" from normal people, we've both had our fair share of tragedy to deal with…we both have some serious parent issues…"

Crona gave a slight snerk, despite his efforts not to.

"I know, huge understatement." Raven replied, smiling a little. "And from the looks of things, we've both had problems controlling our temper."

Crona blinked in confusion, tilting his head slightly.

"Season 1, Episode 6." Raven answered.

Crona's eyes widened as the information suddenly surfaced in his mind, showing him just what Raven was referring to.

"Yeah…" Raven continued. "Not my finest moment."

She sighed, leaning back in her chair. "But, my friends didn't abandon me because of that. They helped me get through it, and they understood that it wasn't who I really was."

She looked at Crona again. "And this…this isn't who you are, Crona. You're not a psychotic murderer, or a wild animal, or a monster, or whatever you want to call yourself."

She gently grabbed Crona's shoulder again, rubbing it slightly. "Anger is a perfectly normal emotion to have. Just the same as joy, sorrow, or fear. Any of those could easily overcome you if you let it. You know I understand that more than most."

Crona nodded slightly. "I know…"

Raven smiled gently at him. "Maybe your actions aren't right, but you can't expect to make the proper decision all the time. As different as you are, you are still a human. Humans make mistakes, it's just a fact of life."

Crona sighed. "I know…I just don't want to make such a big mistake that-"

"You won't." Raven interrupted. "You have to know that. You have to know that you won't make Maka hate you."

"…you keep saying that…she keeps saying that…everyone keeps saying that…" Crona muttered. "But how do you know that for sure…? How can anyone know that for sure…?"

"…I may not know Maka as well as you do…but I think I know her well enough to know that she can see what I can see. She can see your motivations behind your actions, and you shouldn't be ashamed of them."

Raven smiled again, moving her hand away from Crona and letting it fall into her lap.

"You shouldn't be ashamed of how much you love her."

Crona stared at Raven, eyes wide. Raven couldn't help but wonder what was going through his mind. Had anyone actually vocalized those feelings before? Had he, even by himself?

He slowly lowered his head, which worried Raven. She couldn't even begin to think of how he was going to react. How does someone react after everything that's happened to him up until now?

Crona gave a small "heh", shaking slightly.

"Love…?"

He raised his head again, and Raven could see that tears had started to trickle down his face.

"Of course I love her…"

Without really thinking, Raven wrapped her arms around him and pulled him into a hug, letting his face fall into her shoulder. Crona clung onto her, giving small, weak sobs into her clothing.

"I love her so much, Raven…" he choked out. "I love her more than anything in the world…I'd do anything to make her happy…"

Raven gently rubbed his back, holding him close. "I know…I know you would, Crona…"

"I just…I don't want to hurt her, Raven…I don't ever want to hurt her…and I'm scared, that if I don't do something about this, that I will…"

"You won't, Crona…" Raven whispered. "I know you don't believe me, but you won't…I know you won't let that happen…"

"I'd sooner die that hurt her…"

"I know…"

Crona sniffled loudly, still squeezing Raven tight. "I'm trying so hard…I'm trying to be a better person…I want to be better for _her_…but every time I do, something goes wrong…it just isn't fair…"

Raven sighed, squeezing Crona gently. "Do I have to give you the "she likes you just as you are" speech?"

Crona gave another sniff, before starting to pull away. "Th-That's not it…"

Raven let him go, and watched as he carefully wiped away his last few tears.

"…after the incident with that girl…she praised me, Raven. She said that I had a strength that only appears when it's needed…and I want her to be right. I want to prove that she was right to have faith in me…"

He looked up at her, a smile now clear on his face.

"Out of all the people I know…for her to say that to me…it means absolutely everything to me…"

Raven smiled back at him. "You weren't expecting her to think so highly of you?"

"N-No, I wasn't…" he answered, starting to blush. "I thought that I was the one who was supposed to exaggerate someone's good points…"

Raven gave a slight chuckle at that, while Crona looked away sheepishly.

"It…it reminds me of another time…she called me a knight…"

Raven blinked, her smile growing in mild amusement. "Did she really?"

"Y-Yeah…of course, she was drunk at the time…"

"Whoa, whoa, she was _what_?"

"U-Um, l-long story…I probably shouldn't have told you that…"

Raven sighed, shaking her head. "Don't worry about it, you can fill me in on the details later."

Crona gave an embarrassed "heh", his blush brighter than before.

"…as corny as this is going to sound, Crona…" Raven started. "I think I can see where she was coming from."

"H-Huh?"

"Well, just look at everything you've had to endure up to this point. Not even including the theater. You've been through some of the worst experiences imaginable, and yet you're still here. You're still alive. You've got a number of scars on you, but you're still in one piece."

She smiled again. "That's what a knight is supposed to be good at. Taking the worst the world has to offer him and fighting on anyway. I'd say that suits you pretty well."

Crona blinked again before looking down at his feet in embarrassment. Raven sighed slightly, before leaning back in her seat.

Now she was lost. She had no idea what to say next. She didn't know if what she said had been enough to help him, or to even really affect him, outside of temporary comfort. It all rested on him, on his next decision.

Raven couldn't help but worry that this was really it. That this would be the last time she'd see him. Somehow, she had let someone else become close to her, and now she ran the risk of losing him.

It made her wonder if it had really been worth it to begin with.

"…you're good."

Raven blinked, turning to look at Crona. "Huh?"

Crona was looking down at the communicator in his hands, trailing his thumb along the edge of it.

"You said that you weren't going to convince me to stay…but you somehow did anyway…"

Raven breathed a slight sigh of relief, thankful that she had worried for nothing.

"You're going to stay?" she asked.

Crona nodded. "Yeah…I mean…it wouldn't be very knightly of me to run away…"

He brought the communicator to his chest, before looking up at the screen.

"These people…the ones writing these things…they're going out of their way to change things, to fulfill their own desires…I'm tired of making them happy. I'm tired of letting them affect me. I'm letting these sick, twisted people hang over my head and make me question who I am, and I'm done with it."

He clenched the communicator, face now showing pure determination. "From now on, no matter what I see, I'm going to keep going. I'm going to see this through to the end, wherever it leads me. I won't run away anymore."

Raven stared at Crona, feeling both impressed and a little proud that he was able to show such pure courage, after everything that had happened.

"…well, I can safely say that you could give Robin a run for his money when it comes to hero speeches." she remarked.

Crona blushed slightly, a small smile on his face.

Then, without warning, he reached over and pulled Raven into another hug, catching her by surprise.

"Crona…?"

"Thank you, Raven…" he whispered. "For being one of the best friends anyone could ever ask for…"

Raven blushed slightly at the compliment, but smiled and returned the hug, thankful that everything was OK again.

After a few seconds, Crona pulled away again, suddenly embarrassed.

"S-Sorry…I forgot to ask first…"

"It's alright. I'll let it go this time." Raven quipped, smiling slightly.

Crona smiled back, before averting his eyes.

"U-Um…you won't tell anyone about this, will you…?"

"My lips were sealed as soon as you walked in the room."

"Th-Thank you…"

Raven tilted her head. "And that reminds me…what's all this about Maka getting drunk?"

Crona blushed again. "U-Uh…w-well…"

"…I was going to ask just what exactly you two have been up to here, but now I'm not so sure I want to know…"

"I-It didn't happen here…there's more than enough awkwardness here without that happening…"

"Care to explain?"

"Well…it all started after we did that Inuyasha review…"

/

And there we go. _Now_ the little plot with Crona and his anger problems is done!

Eh, maybe not the best ending in the world, but I'd like to think there's at least something likeable here.

Review is coming soon!


	24. Story 16: Book Of The Seven Seas

OK then, back to the salt mines, and back with another review!

For the record, yes, I am still looking for fics for the Halloween special. It's coming up soon, but I can always use more suggestions.

Also, a small request: if you're going to ask me a question directly in the reviews, can you _please_ do so from an actual account? I can't send private messages to anonymous accounts, and I don't want to clog up the author's notes with responses to everyone I couldn't actually talk to.

Today's story comes recommended by deaths lovely nightmare, and is actually one of their own stories. …seriously, you do know that I'm not going to be nice to this, right? Anyway, agree or disagree, their idea, blah blah.

Onward!

/

Sometimes, Raven wondered what she would do if she ever stopped being a superhero.

It wasn't something she thought of very often. After all, superheroism was what she had been doing ever since she arrived on Earth. And it seemed unlikely that there would ever not be a need for any superheroes, much less the Titans. It was far too difficult for her to picture herself doing anything besides being a superhero.

However, sooner or later, she would have to retire. Whether due to age or some unforeseen injury, or through another matter entirely, she knew she couldn't do this forever. And though it seemed like something that was very far away, sometimes she couldn't help but wonder what would come after.

What wouldn't go away, however, would be her powers. She would always be able to move things around with her mind, always be able to sense others' emotions, and always have to meditate daily in order to keep those powers under control. And it was in those powers that she might one day find her next calling.

After all, being an empath tends to give one an advantage in the field of therapy.

"A-Are you sure this will work, Raven?" Crona asked.

"It should help. If you're serious about getting your anger under control, then I can promise you that this does work." Raven replied.

She was standing behind Crona, who was sitting cross-legged on the floor of the theater, facing the screen. He kept casting nervous glances behind him, wondering when Subarashii was going to come bursting in.

"B-But I can't do magic or anything…" Crona muttered. "And I thought that your meditation only worked for you…"

"It does. Which is why I'm not teaching you _my_ meditation." Raven explained.

"Huh?"

"I'm just going to be helping you with more basic meditation. It might sound weird, but there are plenty of people who do this to help themselves keep calm."

"So…I don't have to say anything?"

"No magic words, no magic tricks. This is all very simple."

She moved closer, standing directly behind him.

"Now…close your eyes."

Crona frowned slightly, but did so.

"Now, I want you to take a deep breath."

Crona wondered where this was going, but obeyed, inhaling deeply.

"Release."

He exhaled, his breath coming out as a long _whoooooof_.

"OK, do it again."

Crona inhaled again, held it for a second, then exhaled.

"One more."

He repeated the actions, already feeling calmer as he let out the third exhale.

"Good. You're feeling calm, right?"

Crona nodded, giving a small "mhm" while doing so.

"OK. Keep your eyes closed. Now…empty your mind. Clear it of all thoughts that you're currently having. Picture nothing but total blackness."

This sounded a lot more complicated than Crona expected. Not to mention, he wasn't sure he wanted to picture nothing but darkness, considering what it reminded him of. Nonetheless, he did his best to do so, his eyes kept firmly shut.

"Is your mind clear?"

"I-I think so…" he whispered. "I'm picturing…th-the darkness, like you said…"

Raven placed her hands on his shoulders, hoping it'd be enough to keep him calm.

"OK. Now then…picture one thing that's been bothering you lately. Anything at all. Just so long as it's the one thing. Focus on it and nothing else."

Crona frowned, deciding to just go after the main source of his recent grief and get it over with. He sighed slightly, and did as Raven asked.

"What are you seeing?"

"Him…Dracula."

"OK…picture him in a bubble."

"…a what?"

"A bubble. He's trapped in a big soap bubble. He can't get out, and you can't get in."

Crona wondered just what this was supposed to accomplish, but he did as Raven asked. The image was almost comical, and Crona wondered how something so silly could help him.

"Are you picturing him like that?" Raven asked.

"Y-Yeah…"

"OK. You know what bubbles do, right Crona?"

"What…?"

"They float. And that's what this bubble is doing right now. It's floating in the air. Floating away from you."

Crona saw the Dracula bubble in his mind's eye, slowly floating away from him.

"Further away it flies…" Raven whispered. "Further and further, up into the darkness…"

Crona could see the bubble growing smaller and smaller as it floated away.

"It keeps going, taking all the trouble it caused with it…"

He breathed slightly, as the bubble became a mere speck.

"And then…it's gone."

The bubble was now completely out of Crona's sight.

Crona gave another sigh, before opening his eyes and looking back at Raven.

"Did it work?" she asked.

Crona nodded slightly. "Yeah…it did…"

"And how do you feel?"

He blinked, slightly surprised at how he was feeling.

"…better. I actually feel better about it."

Raven smiled. "Doesn't seem like as big a deal now, right?"

"…yeah."

"Then it's working. Now, let's try another one-"

_WHAM_!

"Yoho!"

_Or not…_ Raven thought as both she and Crona scrambled to get into their seats, hoping Subarashii wouldn't see.

A part of Raven was curious as to why Crona wanted to keep his problem secret from Subarashii. He trusted him more than she did, so it seemed like he'd be more willing to tell him about it. Then again, considering Crona's usual secretive nature, it wasn't all that unexpected.

"Soooo, how are you two doing this fine-" Subarashii started as he arrived at the bottom of the stairs, but stopped mid-sentence.

He looked at Crona, then over at Raven, then back at Crona. He tilted his head before speaking.

"Crona, is there a reason you have that guilty look on your face?"

"W-What guilty look?" Crona asked, looking up at Subarashii. "I-I don't know what you're talking about!"

Subarashii stared at Crona for a few seconds, before looking up at Raven again. He sighed, crossing his arms.

"You know, it's things like this that, when taken out of context, make it so damn easy for people to ship-"

He quickly ducked down just as Raven's book whizzed past, hitting the wall behind him with a loud _SMACK_!

"Are you capable of _not_ talking about that?" Raven shouted.

"Hey, sue me for making an observation!" Subarashii replied, before getting into his seat.

"It's your "observations" that got us into that mess to begin with!" Raven answered, bringing her book back with her powers.

"What mess? Some random people you've never even seen think you'd be a good couple? Whoopdy-freakin'-do!"

Raven let out a frustrated growl, deciding to just drop the subject and instead start reading the fanmail.

_subarashii(spelled it right! finally!)_

"Oooh, wow, congratulations. I'm sure you'll get a medal for that." Subarashii quipped.

_what you said about the whole xion/roxas thing in my last letter, i would rather have roxas with a replica made of memories about kairi then a girl he talked to for all of five minutes. i mean what do he and namine have in common besides the whole sora and kairi nobodies thing. think about that_

"…dude, they both came from Sora. Maybe not in a literal, birthing sense, but they're from the same source. So your logic is only weirder than it was before. That'd be like me saying "yeah, it makes sense for someone to date their sister over some other chick, they've known each other longer"!"

Subarashii shook his head. "Internet, why you gotta be so weird?"

"Maybe if you didn't keep pushing it along…" Raven replied.

"How long are you going to hold this over my head? Seriously?"

"As long as it takes."

_raven_

_i have to agree with you on the whole remaining single thing. i'm that way myself and am proud of it; just keep doing what you're doing._

Raven sighed. "Thank you. Finally, someone who isn't purposely trying to set me up with someone."

"Get over it!" Subarashii shouted.

_if you were in the world of pokemon what would you choose as your starter?_

"Probably one of the Grass-types. I don't know which."

_have you ever read the twilight series?_

Raven sighed. "Yes…that is the last time I listen to Beast Boy when he recommends a book…"

Crona blinked. "He likes Twilight?"

"No, but I was so surprised that he actually recommended a book to me that I had to read it. Of course, it turned out he was playing a prank on me…one I still need to get him back for…"

_mad mod seems like an annoying enemy is he really as bad as he seems in the series?_

"Considering he can seemingly warp reality to his whims and we never know what the hell he's going to do, what do you think?"

_crona_

_i've only seen the anime; so in my eyes you're a hero. sure you made a mistake but you went back and corrected it. also feel free to look down on me because i haven't gotten around to reading the manga; don't think i will now i like you to much. (not a fan girl i swear to god i'm not a fan girl)_

"I-It's fine…thank you…"

_i'm thinking of writing a crossover fanfic staring you my friend it'll be based in maximum ride. why? because i'm obbessed with the series i'm pretty sure you guys have said before. anyway i'm thinking of pairing you with nudge, ella, or max. which one do you like best, also i swear i'll do you proud and you won't have to review it._

Crona sighed, taking the letter and crumpling it up.

"Would it be too much to ask if you just didn't pair me with anyone…?"

Subarashii shook his head, opening the next letter.

"You should probably stop hoping that these people will listen to you, Crona."

"…is it really so wrong to hope that people will do the right thing?"

"When it comes to fans? Yes."

_Crap. Sorry I misspelled your name Awesome Space Pirate Captain. How quickly will me calling you Awesome Space Pirate Captain get old?_

"Never." Subarashii replied with a wide grin on his face.

_Anyway. It really bothers Raven that you appear to be so unaffected by your first guest occurrence. Perhaps you should just tell her the truth..._

"…I don't follow."

_You surround yourself with fictional characters for a reason._

"…uh, yeah, because The Host is making me review stuff with them. I'm still not getting where you're going with this."

_I have a hug here for you Lonely Awesome Space Pirate Captain. XD Don't worry. You ARE good enough. and as soon as YOUR story is available to me, I am collecting it. XD_

_I am your creepy old lady fangirl. LOL_

Subarashii stared at the letter for a few seconds, the room growing intensely quiet. Afterwards, Subarashii suddenly pulled out his sword, impatiently drumming his fingers on the blade.

"_Read fast_."

Crona and Raven looked at each other, simultaneously confused and worried. For whatever reason, something the letter said had set him off. Raven wasn't sure if it was the "lonely" part or the "is good enough", but decided it would be better to figure it out later.

_Raven,_

_(with your permission) HUGS_

"…thanks?"

_Crona,_

_I am sorry to have to extend your corruption. A bad or threatening hug would be the UNWELCOME hug from someone you DON'T want touching you. Like a pedophile, or a perverted Airline Security Screener._

Suddenly, an all-too familiar _splortch_ was heard, as Ragnarok uncurled from Crona's back.

"In other words, like when _she_ hugged you." he explained.

Crona shuddered. "Y-Yeah, I figured that out…"

_So yes... There is such things as threatening hugs and Non Threatening Hugs. sigh... Now I just seem like a creepy stalker fangirl._

"I-I get those a lot…"

_(with your permission) HUGS_

"…what's the point of just writing "hug" on paper-"

Crona was cut off by Subarashii yanking the letter out of his hand, then stabbing it with his sword, impaling the paper on it. He then shoved the sword into the floor, the blade piercing the concrete.

The room grew quiet again, the others staring at Subarashii in mild shock at his sudden reaction, and continued to wonder just what brought it on.

Subarashii then turned and looked at Ragnarok.

"…well, nice of you to finally grace us with your presence, frog."

Ragnarok twitched, leaning forward and glaring at Subarashii.

"You didn't even wait a day to start that shit again, did you?"

"Hey, you don't get to bitch and moan when I've had to listen to all your fans ask where you went."

"Maybe I just got sick of putting up with _you_, you ever consider that?"

Crona sighed, deciding to just hurry up and open the next letter.

_Everone: if you where going to act as the medium for one of the Rozen Maiden's wich would it be NOTE Kirakishou dosen't count insted we'll be useing Barasuishou who is actualy balenced aginst the other's_

"Actually, Barasuishou doesn't count. She was anime-only." Subarashii replied. "And just for that, I'm going to pick Kirakishou, just because."

Raven sighed, shaking her head. "Probably Souseiseki, for me."

Crona shrugged. "Hinaichigo?"

_Subarashii: dose the BARA in your name mean Rose ?_

"No, Subarashii is all one word."

_Crona: What is it like haveing 60 % of the universeses suply of awsom ? & 99.99 % of it's Adorable ?_

Crona flushed brightly, choosing to not answer.

_Raven: Have you ever considered trying to open a portal to the DMC universe and just letting Dante go hog wild on Trgon_

"Believe me, if I could do that, there's a whole list of people I'd send after him…"

Raven placed the letter aside and handed the next one to Crona, who quickly opened it.

_croven i red the fic abot you guys its kinda funny but the guy riteing it spells allmost as bad as me so your probably gonna wind up reveiwing it_

Crona groaned slightly. "Should've known…"

"Hey, if the writing's anything like this person's writing, it'll probably be more funny than traumatic." Subarashii remarked.

"For _you_, maybe…" Raven grumbled.

_on the up side the lemons are realy hot and detaild_

"W-W-_What_?" Crona exclaimed.

Raven grabbed the letter out of his hands and quickly ripped it apart. "Don't worry about it. It's the same one as before, just trying to get under your skin."

Crona froze. "Th-The same one who…"

"Who tried to spread rumours about us, yes."

Ragnarok suddenly lunged forward and grabbed the next letter, ripping it open and shoving it in Crona's hand.

"Hurry up and finish these so I can get out of here!"

Raven looked up at Ragnarok in surprise, but before she could ask, Crona started reading the letter.

_Crona: If you have BLACK blood, does that mean that your face turns grey or black when you blush?_

"No…it turns red…"

Subarashii shrugged. "Consistency. You will not find it here."

_Subarashii: do you have a favorite dish? Or do you eat out normally?_

"Steak, bloody as hell."

_Raven: So... have you tried anything with aqua lad?I mean, you had freakin' hearts in your eyes!_

Raven gave a frustrated groan, her palm meeting her face.

Subarashii grinned, shaking his head. "Oh, hormones. The trouble you cause."

"_Shut up_." Raven growled, opening the next letter simultaneously.

_To Raven_

_Sorry if this will fuel the flames any higher or not, but im an artist and I drew you and crona, but not as a couple. Would you prefer it if I drew you two more as just only being buddys? _

_Or will that provoke others to want to ship you two even more?_

Raven sighed. "By the looks of things, we're going to get put together no matter what, so whatever, go nuts."

Subarashii rolled his eyes. "Honestly, do you just refuse to feel any sort of joy? She basically just told us that we're getting _fanart_! Doesn't that mean _anything_ to you?"

"Frankly? No."

"…killjoy."

_To Subarashii _

_Have your ever ran into some kind of space monster?_

_If so, whats the most fearsome beast you've ever slayed to live to tell an epic tale?_

"Oh, geez, so many to choose from! …ah, what the hell, I'll go with the Galactabears from the planet Zular X. Trust me, you do _not_ want to piss off a 10-foot tall monster who draws power from the stars themselves."

"…Galactabears?" Raven asked.

"Hey, I didn't come up with the name!"

_To Crona_

_I had an interesting thought. Though you do not have the Black Blood stupid Clown anymore. _

_Like makeing bloody needle, is it possible for you to cut open your hand and make some sort of black bloody sword? Basicaly another way of dual wielding._

"It probably wouldn't work out anyway…I don't know how to use two swords…"

_To Ragnarok_

_Would you like to have the worlds Largest Gummy Bear?_

_Its awesome._

"Hey, if you're willing to let me eat it, by all means, send it over!"

Crona frowned. "B-But isn't that a little too much sugar…?"

_WHAP_!

"Ow!"

"Oh, like _you_ can ever talk about having too much sugar!" Ragnarok growled.

"Huh? What are you talking about?" Crona asked, looking up at Ragnarok.

Ragnarok froze, before quickly looking away from Crona.

"Never mind. Hurry up and finish these."

Crona blinked, before looking back at Raven, who simply shrugged in reply. He turned to look at Subarashii, who did the same.

He decided to just continue onward, opening the next letter.

_crona: eye won two kizz ray ven_

"…um…why are you telling _me_ this?"

Raven sighed, grabbing the letter and ripping it into pieces. "I honestly don't know what goes through these people's minds sometimes…"

"…I'm still confused. Why would that person send it to _me_?"

"Who knows?" Raven replied, opening the next letter.

_1. Unlike what most people would ask, I'm not going to ask you what your favorite book genre is. Instead, what do you think is the other Titans' favorite book genres? Like, whats Robin's or Starfire's? ...I'm guessing Beast Boy's is comics. Wouldn't surpise me._

"Yeah, no real surprise there, Beast Boy's a big comic book fan." Raven replied. "Robin doesn't read much, but he's told me he does enjoy a good mystery novel, if only to challenge himself. Cyborg has a lot of sci-fi and fantasy books, but he doesn't have a lot of time to read them, what with working on upgrading all of our tech. And despite what some of you will most likely believe, Starfire doesn't have a stack of romance books in her room. She actually reads mostly science texts and encyclopedias, so she can learn more about Earth. …and she does have a few old storybooks, too…"

_2. You consider yourself of a logical mind, but has there ever been a time that you WANTED to think with your heart? Like in a way to better address a situation? How do you think the other Titans would feel about that?_

"…I'll get back to you on that."

Subarashii tilted his head as Raven placed the letter aside. "Did I miss something?"

Raven turned to throw a remark Subarashii's way, but before she could, Ragnarok grabbed the next letter and jammed it in Subarashii's hands.

"Who cares? Here's the next one! Open. Read. _Now_."

Subarashii blinked, opening the letter while still leering at Ragnarok.

"Why are you in such a hurry? You missing your nap time or something?"

"The less I have to spend out here where the freaky freaks can see me, the better!"

"…what, did a troll bother you _that_ much? That's a surprise…"

"Just shut up and fucking read!"

_Subarashii- Have you ever heard of The Adventures of Dr McNinja?_

"Name certainly rings a bell."

He then tossed the letter aside, only for Ragnarok to shove another in his hands.

"Go, go go!" he growled.

Subarashii shook his head in exasperation, then started reading.

_Subarashii: _

_Have you eaten food from other planets? If so, care to tell me the best and the worst?_

"Hmm…well, the Glorik tendons from Alghion 4 were surprisingly tasty…but trust me, avoid the Yorusak Fohglum like the _plague_."

Raven shuddered. "Honestly, I have no idea what you're talking about, and I still feel disgusted."

"Yeah, that name kinda throws up a few red flags, doesn't it?"

_Wouldn't a space suit kinda ruin your pirate image when in space, or do you wear pirate clothes over top of your space suit?_

"Sorry, trade secret there."

_Do you have any pet peeves?_

"Shredded lettuce. There's no taste to it and you just wind up picking it out of your teeth at the end."

_This isn't a question; but I'd just like to say you are crazy badass. Keep on keepin' on man._

Subarashii grinned. "Right back at ya, my adoring fan."

Raven rolled her eyes. _Oh, brother…_

_Raven:_

_Whats the weirdest thing you've been asked in fanmail from the people of your city?_

"…something involving a lock of my hair and various illegal substances. I don't want to get into the details, because I'm trying as hard as possible to forget it."

Crona shuddered. "Th-That's not going to happen here…right?"

"…it's just awful being the popular one when you don't want to be…"

Crona shivered again, his expression one of immense fear.

_Do you like all tea, or just herbal?_

"I can enjoy a cup of "traditional" tea every so often."

_Are you easily grossed out?_

"Not particularly. It would take something truly depraved to get to me…"

Crona gulped. "I-It wasn't _that_ bad…was it…?"

"…Crona, trying really hard to forget…"

_Crona:_

_Do you like bunnies? :D_

Crona tensed, glaring up at the screen.

"_That_. _Isn't_. _Funny_."

_Whats your favorite kind of cookie?_

"Chocolate chip."

_How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie-roll center of a tootsie-pop?_

"…all I know is that you shouldn't ask an owl that question."

_Why when you go inside your soul thing, why are you a child?_

"I'm guessing my creator was trying to be symbolic with that…he has a tendency to do that a lot…"

Crona placed the letter aside, before glancing up at Ragnarok. "That was the last one…"

"Good!" Ragnarok replied, before giving a quick wave. "Ciao, motherfuckers!"

With that, he dove back into Crona's body, leaving both Raven and Subarashii utterly confused.

"…so, what, he gets past whatever problem he had before, only to have a new one?" Raven remarked.

Crona sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Let's just not get into it…"

Subarashii frowned, getting to his feet and walking over to the table. He grabbed the envelope and quickly opened it.

_I'll be brief, because I've wasted a lot of energy and I'm very tired._

_Your story today is an Avatar: The Last Airbender fic called The Red Rose Pirate, by deaths lovely nightmare._

_Hop to it._

Subarashii tilted his head, before sighing and tossing the letter aside.

"Ragnarok's in a hurry to leave, The Host is supposedly tired…what, is everyone just having a bad day?"

He turned around and walked back to his seat, sitting down and looking up at the screen.

Crona and Raven shared a look, both of them quickly figuring out just why The Host was supposedly tired. They looked up at the screen, and Raven's mind quickly started processing the information.

_So it requires energy directly from The Host to do repairs?_ Raven wondered. _...I wonder how much it would take if even more damage was made…_

Her thoughts were pushed away as the lights dimmed and the show began.

/

**A/n: This is my first fanfic**

Raven: Totally not surprised by this.

Subarashii: Honestly, anyone who says that may as well put up a sign that says "this will suck, abandon all hope, ye who read this."

**it's a Ty Lee based story and is rated T right now may become M for violence but nothing other than that I will try not to swear in this one but no promises. :)**

Raven: So, would I be safe in assuming you're going to be a bit more scrutinizing with this one, Subarashii?

Subarashii: Natch.

**This takes place after "The Beach" when Zuko, Azula, Mai and Ty Lee talk about their past.**

Crona: …I get the feeling this is going to involve heavy editing of character history.

Subarashii: You're learning, kiddo.

**The Red Rose Pirate**

**After her trip to Ember Island with her friends, Ty Lee had a lot on her mind; she was thinking to herself while sitting in the royal garden surrounded by the smell of the pond water and flowers, 'After that night a lot of old repressed memories come up,' she thought, 'they were rely dark memories of beatings given to me by my father for disobeying him.'**

Raven: "So dark that I needed to actually declare how dark they were."

**The smell of the pond and flowers made the memories of her past come rushing back.**

_**Ty Lee was doing cartwheels at her house by the pond when her father came through the door. At seeing the young girl doing acrobatics; he calmly told his daughter that it was not becoming of a noble to be doing the routine of a circus freak and that she should also be dressed as a noble not a commoner.**_

Subarashii: So, Crona, any predictions on how exactly she has such "dark memories"?

Crona: I have a strong hunch…

_**Ty Lee looked down at what she was wearing then looked at her father and said, "But these are my favorite clothes father."**_

_**This upset her father quite a bit so once again, with a hint of anger, he told her to get changed into more appropriate cloths for a noble. "But father I love this outfit. Why can't I wear it?"**_

_**To this her father, out of rage, struck Ty Lee with such force that she flew back into the pond.**_

Crona: *sighs* I knew it…

Raven: Is there any particular reason you needed to give a generally cheerful and upbeat character a history of child abuse, author? Or did you just wake up one day and decide to do it for drama's sake?

Subarashii: Guess.

_**After she got out of the pond her father had already left which was a good thing as her face was as red as the Fire Nation flag and she was crying which she would have been struck for as it is not becoming of a noble and her father was entertaining guests.**_

Raven: Seriously, Ty Lee had plenty of motivation to leave her home as it was! She was feeling underappreciated by her parents and wanted to stand out! Why change that?

Subarashii: Do I have to say it?

Raven: …*sighs* No, no you don't…

**After a while she came to and continued sorting through her memories. She came upon ones she didn't know she had; they were of a strange man who looked like a spirit. He was pale and covered with strange markings all over his body that looked so familiar but she could not put her finger on what they were. It was almost as if they were a long lost language that had not been seen or heard in hundreds of years; the markings were a dark color almost black and seemed to tell a story. A beautiful woman standing next to him wore a loose fitting dark red outfit with a beautiful white rose in the middle and the markings of a red rose on her arms and back.**

Raven: *sighs* And here we go…

Subarashii: *looks at Crona* Think you can survive this, kid?

Crona: …I-I'll manage…

**Her thoughts were interrupted when Azula and Mai walked in on her and told her to get ready to go to daily training,**

Subarashii: You know, without actually telling her. Via dialogue. Like most people do.

**"You know Ty Lee you've been quiet since we got back from Ember Island." Azula said to her.**

**"Sorry, just thinking about a lot of things." Ty Lee replied with her signature smile and got up, dusted her clothes off, and went to training.**

**After training**

Raven: Padding? What padding?

**Azula walked up to Ty Lee and they started to talk about things that they were both interested in until they got back to Ty Lee's home.**

Crona: …so you're telling us that they're talking, instead of having them actually talk? …how does that make any sense?

**Then Azula stopped and asked Ty Lee if she was feeling ok. "Ya I guess I'm feeling fine, why do you ask?"**

Subarashii: …I think we can officially consider "too lazy to write dialogue" a new, uncharted level of laziness.

**"Well I noticed that you were really distracted today at the training ground, are you sure that something isn't bothering you?" Azula asked trying to mask the concern in her voice.**

**"Well I've been having a little trouble sleeping at night," Ty Lee said trying not to look offended by Azula's questions, so they decided to go their separate ways for the night but little did they know this would be the last time they saw one another for a long time.**

Subarashii: Oooh, wow, you can just _feel_ the drama come off of that last sentence, can't you?

Raven: Yes, now I'm _really_ concerned with just why they won't see each other after this…

**That night Ty Lee had a strange dream of the man with the ancient markings on his body, "Ash to ash, dust to dust," he started chanting.**

Crona: …wait, they're having a funeral in her backyard?

Subarashii: OK, that's pretty fucked up.

**"Who… Who are you?" Ty Lee asked stuttering and a little frightened by the man.**

**"Ash to ash, dust to dust, fire to water, earth to air, and light to DARK," he finished chanting,**

Raven: *starts wiggling fingers* "Wooooo, I'm being so cryptic and mysterious, even though what I'm chanting makes no sense…"

**and to Ty Lee's horror the world around her went dark; all Ty Lee could hear were the man and a woman talking.**

**"Are you sure she is the one?" asked the woman's voice.**

**"Yes I am absolutely sure she is the one we have been looking for," said the man.**

**"But she is so young and fragile how could she ever be the one to inherit my powers?" questioned the woman.**

Subarashii: Because Destiny Says So, of course.

*TVTropes references: 49*

**"Excuse me but who are you?" whimpered Ty Lee slowly and in a meek tone.**

**There was a long pause before the woman said, "I am you in a different life young one, I am the Red Rose Pirate, known throughout the seas as one of the most feared pirates ever to live and you are me after death."**

Crona: So, basically, it's a pirated version of the Avatar.

Subarashii: I'm going to ignore that pun for your sake.

**Then the man spoke, "I am the spirit of the shadows and darkness that will engulf your mind if you continue on your current path."**

Raven: "Wooooo, aren't I scary?"

**All of a sudden Ty Lee saw herself locked up in a cell screaming of murder and revenge against the one who betrayed her, "Azula! Azula! I will kill you for what you've done to us, to me, do you hear me!"**

Subarashii: You mean to tell me that Azula was actually an evil bitch who had no problem betraying the people she called her friends?

All: WHAT A TWIST!

Subarashii: …seriously, did anyone who watched Avatar not see that coming?

**and then all was dark again and she could just hear herself crying out, "I thought you were my friend Azula! I thought you were my friend." The last was said in almost a whisper.**

**Ty Lee sat bolt upright in her bed breathing heavily and in a cold sweat; her back was in terrible pain and as she went to her mirror to see what was wrong, she could feel her skin burning all over. When she saw herself she tried to force a scream out from her throat but couldn't; on her body were the same markings of roses that the lady from her dreams had, and to her horror she looked as if she had aged five years in that one night.**

Crona: …I have to ask, what does any of this have to do with being a pirate?

Subarashii: Watch them try and fail to explain that.

**Not knowing what to do she did the first thing that came to her mind and tried to run from the darkness the seemed to be engulfing her mind, so she ran and ran and ran till she could run no more.**

Subarashii: *singing* And I raaaaaaan…I ran so far awaaaaaaay…

Raven: For the love of Azar, _stop_.

Subarashii: …not a fan?

Raven: _No_.

**A/n: Just an FYI I have ADHD meaning it's hard for me to focus on… hey look a chicken… one thing at a time so my updates may be scattered**

Subarashii: …I'm just going to leave that one alone.

Raven: Probably the best choice to make.

**so sorry in advance for that ALL HAIL THE MUFFIN BUTTON!**

Subarashii: We need a muffin button.

Raven: Please, we need one of those as badly as we need a studio audience.

Subarashii: Good to know we're on the same page for once, Rae!

*RAVEN CHOP!*

**FYI this will not be continued if no one R&R's this fanfic I will not post more of this story.**

Crona: OK. Does that mean we can leave now?

Subarashii: Has it ever?

Crona: …I was hoping this time would be different…

**For the public that is… BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!**

Raven: …so, what, you're going to keep it on your computer where we can't see it? I do not understand what you're trying to say.

**A/n: Hey guys this is the second chapter in the Red Rose Pirate and I will be going into more detail about the strange man and woman in Ty Lee's dreams.**

Subarashii: Yeah, because they're the ones we came to see. It's not like we walked into an Avatar fic and expected to read about actual Avatar characters. No, let's read about other people!

**This chapter is meant to be short because I am setting up for the next chapter which will be LONG because it reveals the past and will explain a lot.**

Crona: Oh, no, really, you don't have to do that…keeping them short is fine…and _preferable_…

**Once again R&R. ENJOY!**

Subarashii: *monotone* I cannot comply.

**The Runner**

**How long had it been since she left her home and started running, months, years? No just a couple of days that's it, just a couple of days. Of course she was just guessing she had no idea how long it had been;**

Raven: …if that was meant to be confusing, it wasn't. It was just pointless.

**all she knew was that she was afraid to sleep because she would always see them. Of course she knew their names now, they had told her last time she slept: Nightsparrow, Feh Yin, but that was just about all she understood about them.**

Raven: …Nightsparrow. Really. Just…Nightsparrow. …did you try? Did you actually try? I want to know if I should call you stupid or lazy.

**She thought back to the first time she saw them in a dream and what they told her.**

**INSERT REPEAT OF LAST NIGHT HERE**

Crona: …what was the point of that? We already saw what happened! What, did you think we didn't read the last chapter?

Subarashii: Guys, copying elements from the show, in this case recaps/flashbacks, doesn't translate to the written word. Keep this in mind. You might actually, you know, improve if you do.

_**The next night Ty Lee was sleeping when she saw them standing there; she must have been dreaming there was no other way she could see them, "What do you want?" Ty Lee asked barely above a whimper.**_

_**"We wish to know your name and of your past," said the strange man.**_

_**"I...I'm Ty Lee." she answered shyly,**_

Raven: *points at screen* That. That right there. Do you see what's wrong there? Do you see one of the ways the author failed? Try and figure it out, there will be a quiz later.

_**"Who are you?"**_

_**The strange man and woman looked at each other, "I am Nightsparrow, keeper of the unknown," answered the man.**_

_**"And I am Feh Yin, keeper of the Red Rose charms," answered the woman.**_

Crona: Am I the only one who thinks that Nightsparrow doesn't really need to be there…?

Raven: Technically, neither of them need to be there, but I see what you're getting at.

**After a minute it started raining and she shoot back to reality; she was tired now, trying desperately to stay awake, but she fell into a deep slumber, and the dreams began.**

Subarashii: Oooh, what a struggle it was for her to stay awake! You can just tell, can't you?

**"Welcome back," greeted the man called Nightsparrow, "how have you been keeping?"**

**Ty Lee just stood there twirling her fingers and trying not to look at the man. "Nightsparrow, I think you frighten the young girl." stated the woman who was called Feh Yin.**

**"What do you want from me?" whimpered Ty Lee, who was starting to get use to the dreams she had.**

**"Do you think she is ready to learn of the past and of us Nightsparrow?" questioned Feh Yin as she shot him a concerned glance.**

**Nightsparrow was silent for a bit before he answered, "She is as ready as she will ever be; it is wrong to deny her the truth of the past."**

**And all of the sudden the world went black until a small light came into view and then her world was engulfed in light, and then she understood everything.**

Raven: "I can see into forever!"

Subarashii: This is what happens when you watch 2001: A Space Odyssey after a few too many hits of LSD.

**A/n: sorry for the short chapter and cliffhanger but it should keep you on edge till the next chapter (3000 – 4000 words at least) is done so please no comments on the length of this chapter because the next one will make up for it I promise.**

Crona: *groans* Lucky us…

**ALL HAIL THE MUFFIN BUTTON.**

**And I would like to thank Jiao-Jie for the help she has given me. :)**

**Jiao-Jie may push the muffin button and get a chocolate muffin. Sorry for pulling chapter 3 needs a lot of work.**

Raven: This is going to be a running gag in the author's notes, isn't it?

Subarashii: Eeyup.

Raven: *sighs*

**A/n: sorry for the wait but this is the longest chapter I've ever written and I had it up for a little bit but pulled it due to mistakes. I would like to give a big thank you to everyone who reads this and a bigger thanks to those who review you're helping keep this alive. :)) Everyone can push the MUFFIN BUTTIN and get a special gift.**

Subarashii: See?

Raven: Yes, thank you, I'm aware…

**;) On with the show.**

**The Dreamer**

**It had been three years since the 14 year old girl had seen her parents killed for treason against the Fire Nation; they had plotted to kill the Fire Lord and his family, only to be found out by the Fire Sages and murdered for their treason. Feh Yin had been taken two days later by a group of pirates while she was aimlessly wandering the shores a small island just off the coast of the Fire Nation capital. As punishment for her parents crimes she was given the mark of a traitor, burns in the shape of a rose was placed on her arms and back using a branding iron.**

Subarashii: A branding iron? Really? Because I thought you would've just magicked the specific markings onto her.

Crona: Wait, aren't they Firebenders? Shouldn't they be able to, theoretically, move the flames in a way that they could make those burns on her?

Subarashii: …well, thanks for ruining my sarcastic comment, Crona.

**Over the past three years she had learned the tricks of the trade, and was told she would have the right to leave the ship on the Isle of Dragons to start her own adventure. Feh Yin, her dark tan skin and storm grey eyes glinting in the sun and her mind in another world, shot back to reality when her captain spoke to her, "Child, you remind me of a story I heard when I was a young sea dog just starting out on the open sea, The song of the sea, is what my captain called it." He sounded a bit uneasy, "The story is about a young girl with roses burned into her skin, it is said that she would become a famous pirate; she was known to cry tears of blood and had a kind heart."**

Raven: Are all pirate legends so…cheesy?

Subarashii: Fuck no! They involve battles with massive sea dragons and shit! …or in my case, _space dragons_, motherfucker!

**The Captain didn't want to tell her the rest of the story because she was only 14,**

Subarashii: Oh please, I heard worse shit than that when I was half that age!

**but the captain knew she was destined for greatness and must find her own way, "Tell me child, what is it you dream of?"**

**Feh Yin thought for a moment before she answered, "I dream of a world were no child suffers from hunger, abuse, or the loss of their family, Captain."**

**The captain just smiled and told her of a tavern where she could find a good crew to help her on her journey along with some gold to buy a ship and pay the crew. Before they parted ways the captain told her one more thing, "Child, always remember that the one who chases a dream is looked at as a fool, but only the truly stupid give up on a dream." And with that Feh Yin never saw the captain again.**

Subarashii: …give credit where it's due: That was a pretty solid bit of advice there.

**As she was sitting at the bar Feh Yin noticed a young boy sitting in the back all by himself. He couldn't have been more than 10 years old, 'what is he doing in a place like this?' Feh Yin thought to herself. She walked up to the boy and asked "What's your name, kid?"**

**"My name is Gi Jae, what do you want?" said the young boy.**

Subarashii: G.I. Joe was a pirate?

*RAVEN CHOP!*

**"I'm Feh Yin. I just wanted to know why you're here at a bar," she said to the young boy.**

**"I'm here because the Fire Nation killed my family and I have nowhere else to go," replied the boy.**

**Feh Yin thought for a second before she asked, "How would you like to join me and become a pirate?"**

**The boy, now stunned, looked around before he answered, "Sure, what have I got to lose?"**

Crona: That seems a bit random. Just grab someone at random and make them a pirate?

Subarashii: Happens more than you think, actually.

**About a week had passed since Feh Yin and Gi Jae left the Isle of Dragon with their new crew. She had bought a new ship, no larger than an adult sky bison, for them to travel the world. "Captain," Gi Jae called out, "where are we heading?"**

**Feh Yin thought for a minute, while playing with her silver hair, before telling him, "We'll go where ever the wind takes us."**

Raven: …please tell me you don't always say that.

Subarashii: No, that cliché is one we try to avoid. …also, no wind in space.

Raven: No. Really?

**Gi Jae looked up at the sky then at his captain with a smile, "The wind is taking us to the Earth Kingdom; shall we start with the Fire Colonies?"**

**Feh Yin looked at her first lieutenant and smiled back, "Yes, lets."**

Raven: Wait, how does he know that just from looking at the sky?

Crona: Magical wind-reading powers?

Raven: Are you suggesting ways that the characters can be Sues?

Crona: …never mind…

**"Alright, listen up you guys the captain has something to say to ya!" Gi Jae yelled at the crew.**

**The captain looked at Gi Jae with a faint smile then back at the crew, "Alright, I have a couple rules for you. First off, you do not attack children, secondly, you take food and fresh water first, finally, take as much gold and money as you can carry."**

**An hour later the small ship landed on the shoreline and the crew jumped off and started attacking the villagers and robbing them blind. The villagers tried to fight of the pirates with what little they had to defend themselves with, which was nothing more than pitch forks and the couple of fire benders in the village, but they were easily over powered by the pirates who carried flint locks and swords.**

Raven: …yeah, that's what pirates normally carry. We don't need you to tell us that, we can fill in the blanks ourselves. It's called "imagination".

**Feh Yin was by tying a villager to a tree and taking his gold and silver leaving him with nothing but his cloths on his back and all his copper coins. She whispered in his ear, "Do not worry, I am doing this for your safety; not all my men are kind and would probably kill you if they didn't think you had been robbed by me."**

Raven: If you're trying to be a group of "honorable pirates", you should probably make sure the rest of the crew's on board with you. Figuratively speaking.

**It was then that a group of Fire Nation solders rode in on Komodo Rhinos and attacked the pirates using their firebending in an attempted to kill them. But, they also seemed to be targeting the villagers, as though they weren't important enough to save. Feh Yin knew she had to do something, but she wasn't a firebender, so she reached out for the first weapon she could and charged the solders. The weapons she had picked up were a pair of reverse blade swords; in the coming months they became her signature weapons due to her unwilling to kill any living being. As she fought the firebenders her men all stared at her mastery of the sword, as she gracefully moved with the swords almost as if they were an extension of herself. She made sure that her blows weren't fatal to the men, even though she despised what they stood and fought for; however, she could not blame them, they were just doing what they told to do.**

Subarashii: Mary Sue ahoy!

**By the time the solders realized what had happened the pirates had cornered them and they were now fighting a losing battle, but they did not give up and before they fell one man struck Feh Yin rendering her unconscious for a few hours.**

**After she awakened, Feh Yin and her men were going over their loot when one of the crew members, a strange man with dark markings on his torso, asked who she had trained under. She did not recognize the man he must have boarded during their last stop on the Isle of Dragons.**

**"My captain was the leader of the great Nightmare Pirates," she proudly boasted to her crew, "and they taught me everything I know."**

Raven: …Nightmare Pirates. _Wow_.

Subarashii: Effort? Here? Art thou mad?

**"Well, well, well, **_**Captain**_**, how did you get the markings of a traitor to the Fire Nation?" he said to the captain with a great deal of sarcasm in his voice.**

**The crew looked at the man with shock on their faces; they turned to their captain to see how she would respond to such a remark. "They were the last thing my mother and father gave to me before they died. They were traitors to the Fire Lord, and when he found out about it he had them killed and I was branded. These markings tell people that I am a traitor, but they are wrong; I am not the traitor, The **_**Fire Lord **_**is the real traitor. He tells the world he wants to bring **_**peace, and prosperity**_**, LIES. Everything is a lie, the peace, the prosperity, everything… is a LIE. The peace he brings will cause the world to fall and Agni weeps tears of blood because of this, just like me." As she spoke her words tears of blood streamed down her face and the crew, most of which had heard an old story about the Red Rose Clan and the White Rose Bandits, knew she would change the world.**

Crona: Is anyone going to actually explain that "tears of blood" thing…?

Subarashii: It's a stereotypical Sue trait. Just go with it.

Crona: Right…

**Three years passed and the Feh Yin had learned the strange man, whose name she had found out was Nightsparrow, was a follower of the ways of the heroes of old, and what the makings carved on him meant.**

**"Tell me, Nightsparrow, what do those markings mean?"**

**"They tell the story of the legendary man named Revenant, who was killed for his misdeeds and after death found himself in a place filled with nothing but torture. He spent 150 years in this place before a beautiful spirit came and told him 'I will give you a second chance in life but first you must give up your name.' The man thought for a while before he agreed to give up his name, 'You will now be known as Revenant.' The man nodded and was taken to his new life where he was the servant of a king and was sent to save the beautiful princess, Ty Lee, from the Order of the Roses. The Order of the Roses was a group of high ranking members in the four most powerful Guilds, The Thieves Guild, The Mages Guild, The Warriors Guild, and The Dragon Slayers Guild, these Guilds used the symbol of a red and white rose crossed had influence all over the world before the first benders came to be. When the first benders came to be the Order of the Roses were split into two groups the Order of the Red Rose and the Order of the White Rose, they then became enemies trying to kill off each other until there were only four members left, only one of the original members of the Order of the Roses still lived to protect the balance between the energies, this man is said to be Revenant. He spent years looking for this girl but never found her and it is said the he went mad in the process of doing so."**

Crona: *yawns*

Raven: Wait a second. If this supposedly takes place years before the actual story, how could he be protecting Ty Lee?

Subarashii: Reincarnation.

Raven: …what, and they gave her the same name?

Subarashii: Hey, I'm just giving my best guess here.

**He pointed to a picture of a man in the center of chest, with long black hair and scars all over his body, chained to a cross.**

Raven: …wow, way to stick to good taste, author.

Crona: …you have to admit, ripping off The Bible is a pretty gutsy thing to do…

Raven: More like incredibly stupid.

**"Well what happened after that?" Feh Yin was enthralled with the story.**

**"No one knows, some say he died, others say he found her dead body and now guards her tomb. I, however, think he's still alive and wanders the world looking for the girl."**

**Feh Yin stared at the man in awe for a minute before Gi Jae came in to tell them they had found another Fire Nation Colony, "Well, we should get ready for the raid then."**

**Feh Yin was three days away from turning 18 when the Fire Nation raided the Isle of Dragons. As the Fire Nation solders landed on the beach the pirates were caught off guard and after an hour most of them were killed and those who weren't were thrown into a Fire Nation dungeon; during the raid Gi Jae escaped and hopefully was safe.**

Crona: Shouldn't you, as the narrator, know whether or not he's safe?

**All that remained of her crew were Nightsparrow, herself and a few other members of the, now infamous, Red Rose Pirates. For the most part Nightsparrow would try to keep the crewmembers' spirits up by telling the stories of legendary heroes and their travels, but Feh Yin knew that they would be killed for piracy and spent her time trying to find a way to escape from the dungeon with her crew. Days turned into months which turned into years, they heard news of a band of young rebels called the freedom fighters and their leader, who they knew to be Gi Jae.**

Crona: Oh. …so why not just mention that in the first place?

Subarashii: And we have now arrived at Paddington Square!

**Finally the day came and the Fire Lord said they would be executed at dawn. Feh Yin, who was now a 22 year old woman, went to one of the guards and asked him if she could make a request to the Fire Lord; a few minute the guard returned and told her she would be granted one request.**

**"Thank you," she sighed.**

**"What is your request?" asked the Fire Lord's most trusted general.**

**"Where is the Fire Lord?" questioned the young woman.**

**The general looked around before he told her that there were far worst criminals in this dungeon than just pirates.**

Raven: And that has what to do with that she asked…?

**"Very well. You see, my friend, Nightsparrow, was taken to a solitary cell and I would like to talk to him one last time before we die."**

**Two hours passed and the general returned. He told her she would have ten minutes to say goodbye to her friend and no longer. She was taken out of her cell in chains and under heavy guard to Nightsparrow's cell. When she arrived at the cell she was stunned to find the he had not aged a day since they were imprisoned.**

**"But how?" she stammered unable to quite find the words to say.**

**He just smiled at her and said, "Feh Yin, I am Revenant. Two hundred years ago I remembered my real name, and still am looking for the young princess. I thought that becoming a pirate would allow me to cover more ground and find her," he paused for a second before he continued, "but when I saw you, you looked so much like the king described her, that I thought you were the princess, so I stayed and tried to learn as much as I could about your life only to find out you were not who I was looking for." Tears started to weal up in his eyes as he continued to tell her his story.**

Crona: *yawns*

Subarashii: Should we do "what a twist", or do we not care enough?

Raven: The latter.

Subarashii: Thought so.

**At dawn Feh Yin and her crew were brought out for a public execution; before they were killed the Fire Lord allowed them one last remark. Most used this time to beg for their lives, others refused to say anything, when they got to Feh Yin all she could say was that they would never die and would live forever in what they had done.**

**The last to speak was Nightsparrow, "Fire Lord Azulon, you are a false god, and your evil deeds have not gone unnoticed. You will one day know the pain you inflict on those you hate and your pride will be your undoing. You can try to kill me, many have tried and all have failed. You will be plag…"**

**His words cut short by the Fire Lord as he gave the signal to kill them. After the execution they realized that the body of Nightsparrow was not among the corpses, but instead were a red and white rose crossed together.**

Subarashii: So, to recap: this entire, far too long chapter was just to explain the backstory to two characters no one actually cares about, and it turned out to be a stereotypical one as well.

Raven: That about sums it up.

Subarashii: …don't you guys just _love_ what we do?

Crona: Definitely…

Raven: Can't get enough of it…

**A/n: thanks for not rioting over the wait. Took me longer to finish than I thought it would. First contest: Anyone who can tell me what Revenant means will get a prize (to be determined later) and if you can also tell me where I got that from I'll let you help in a later chapter. O_0**

Raven: I'd give an answer, but I honestly don't think any prize of hers would be worth it.

**Thanks for reading once again and I already am working on chapter 4**

Subarashii: You have fun with that.

/

The lights came back on as the group sighed, before Subarashii got to his feet.

"OK, you guys already know what the actual problems with this fic are." he declared. "Unnecessary dark past that's shoehorned in for the sake of drama. Turning a generally cheerful character into a scared little girl. Two OCs who are given the focus instead of her."

Subarashii paused for a second, then suddenly sneezed.

"Bless you." Raven answered.

"Thank you. Anyway, you've probably already figured all of that out, but there's one thing I want to point out."

Subarashii paused again, then stared into the screen.

"If you carry the name "Red Rose Pirates", you are going to be the laughing stock of the pirate world."

The room grew quiet for a few seconds, before Raven quickly broke it.

"Seriously? That's what you're concerned about?"

"Hey, I'm just saying! You can't expect to carry a name like that and have everyone take you seriously! Unless you're the Tuxedo Masks of the seas, and even then, I don't see it going over too well."

"Says the one with the name "Subarashii"…"

"Oh, whatever."

Subarashii then turned and started heading up the stairs.

"All I'm trying to say is that if you have a name like that, you'd best be prepared to work your ass off to have it mean something. Being a pirate isn't all about raiding villages, stealing treasure and killing stuff. It's about making a reputation. It's about making sure everyone knows who you are and that you're a big deal."

He stopped at the top, turning around and facing the screen again.

"It takes effort to make a reputation. Not some bullcrap about destiny or fate. It takes your own willpower to get the job done. And it's because of that that, one day, my name will be synonymous with the title "The Greatest Space Pirate In The Universe"!"

With that, he turned and left the room, the twin doors swinging shut behind him.

…_I thought he already was The Greatest Space Pirate In The Universe™._ Crona thought.

"Finally." Raven sighed, before getting to her feet. "I thought he'd never leave."

Crona turned to look at Raven in confusion, before he saw the table in front of them suddenly lift off of the ground, covered in black energy.

"R-Raven? What are you doing?"

"Testing a theory." Raven answered. "You figured it out too, right?"

"W-What?"

"That The Host uses his own energy to make repairs to this place. He said he was tired earlier, which I'm assuming is from repairing the damage you caused, since it was a particularly large amount."

"…so why are you lifting the table?"

"I want to see what happens if we cause some more damage. Enough to force him to expend so much of his energy that he starts to get sloppy."

"And then…?"

"We'll see, won't we?"

Crona couldn't help but notice the constant usage of the term "we". As though Raven was already expecting him to help her out.

Before he could comment on this, the table rose a bit higher.

"OK…" Raven started. "Here we-"

_SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE_!

Raven was cut off by a loud, ear-piercing alarm going off, causing her to drop the table, which fell to the ground with a loud _SLAM_! She fell to the ground as well, covering her ears to try and block out the sound.

She saw Crona fall out of his chair, doing the same as her while giving off a few screams and groans of pain. The alarm continued to sound for a few agonizing minutes, both Raven and Crona writhing on the ground in pain.

Then, just as suddenly as it started, it shut off.

Raven slowly uncovered her ears, still hearing a loud ringing. Laying on the ground, she looked up at the screen.

It had turned back on, and on it were five simple words, filling up the entire screen.

**DON'T. EVER. DO. THAT. AGAIN.**

/

This took a lot longer than it should have. I have no idea why this is. My brain apparently just hates me.

Anyway, fanmail and recommendations are always welcome. If I didn't get to your fanmail this time, I will in the next review. If you sent fanmail to me via a private message, you might have to remind me, as I probably forgot.

See you later.


	25. Story 17: This Is Halloween

OK folks, sorry for the disappearance. I was just taking a few days off, is all.

Well, actually, to be honest, I've been doing some thinking for a while now. I've started to realize that I'm running short on ideas to use for EiC. I don't mean that I don't know where the plot is going to go. I have a clear ending in mind, as well as various points in time to use. For example, I already know who the next guest star is going to be and when I'll bring them in, and generally how things will go.

What I'm not so clear on is the little subplots that I use for each chapter. I know the focus of the reviews is supposed to be the reviews, but I've gotten so much praise for having a plot going on during this that I feel I have to keep that theme going. So unless I can come up with some things to use, some of the fics will just meander about and ultimately do nothing.

I was hoping to wait until the first quarter of the main fic was done before I did this, but I'm afraid I'll have to change my update schedule a bit. The main fic will become the full focus of my work from here on out, meaning both of the spinoffs will be updated more sporadically, whenever I can come up with an idea for a chapter. I promise, I'm not abandoning them, and I will update them when I can. But I can't keep updating like I have been or I'll burn out before I get to the stuff I really want to get to. I'm really sorry about doing this, since I know a lot of you have come in because of the spinoffs and may actually prefer them. But the main fic is where the story is taking place, so it has to be the focus.

Now that that's all out of the way, it's time for the Halloween special! Although you might not want to expect anything _too_ great, but I wanted to celebrate the occasion in my own way. Just as a heads-up, though, considering the timeline I have in mind for this story, you probably shouldn't expect a Christmas special too. I do have an idea for one, but it really wouldn't work at this point in time. Maybe next year, if this is still going then.

Today's story comes recommended by someone named Deicius Dunkelheit. As always, agree or disagree with the choice, all their idea.

Into the night we go!

WARNING: This review is going to get a bit bloody and gory, so if you're not up for that sort of thing, feel free to go now.

/

To say that the being known as The Host was infuriatingly confusing would be like saying bubble wrap is very distracting.

He claimed that his actions were just for the sake of experimenting, to see what would happen next and to learn from them. But some of the choices he made seemed to be deliberately to provoke more negative reactions out of the group. What with purposely forcing them to read fics featuring them doing horrible things, or having horrible things happen to them.

But it wasn't just his motivations that could be difficult to pinpoint. His actions in general were confusing at times.

Raven sighed, staring at the twin doors that led into the theater, thinking about what The Host had done. She had been about to attack the screen, much like they had done multiple times before. But unlike those times, The Host directly interfered, preventing her from doing so and warning them not to do so again.

It had been the first time he had done something like that, and Raven wasn't entirely sure what to make of it. It seemed to support her theory that it required energy directly from The Host to make repairs to the theater, but it wasn't concrete enough for her to do anything with. Not that it mattered, since it seemed like she wouldn't be able to try out her plan again.

But what made things even more confusing was how he acted this time around.

_So, last time he almost makes me deaf…and now he wants me to do a review…in costume?_ Raven thought.

It was a surprise when she got the letter asking her to do as much, but she still couldn't figure out the reasoning behind it. Sure, Halloween was coming up, so this was probably just to mark the occasion, but it still didn't add up. Did The Host himself even celebrate Halloween? Was this just for the sake of the viewers? And how did The Host even know that Raven was going to dress up that year?

She sighed, stopping for a second and looking down at herself. The white leotard and black jacket hadn't been a problem to find, but the white bow tie had not only been a pain to get ahold of, but even more so to actually tie. Raven wasn't all that surprised that not many people wore them anymore.

She frowned, quickly readjusting her top hat before starting to head through the doors.

She stopped when she heard what sounded like music coming from inside.

…_someone else is already here?_ Raven wondered.

She carefully opened the doors and stepped inside, hoping to not disturb whoever was playing.

Once she entered the theater, she looked down at the source of the sound. She recognized two things as she did so.

The first was the music itself. The sound was very gentle and light, obviously coming from some sort of wind instrument. And after listening to it for a few short minutes, Raven soon recognized the waltz-like tune.

…_the Song of Storms?_ she thought with mild surprise.

The second thing she noticed explained the first. Once she saw the green, floppy hat perched upon the head of the one playing the song, she quickly put two and two together.

_Wait a minute…it's too soon for a guest star episode!_ she thought, moving down the stairs. _And what's the point of having a silent protagonist do a review?_

She carefully walked down the stairs, still listening to the song and hoping she didn't accidentally cause the player to stop. Once she reached the bottom and got a better look at the player, she mentally smacked herself for being so stupid.

The outfit was deceptively good; the brown boots and gloves, green tunic and white shirt all matched the character perfectly. But there were two key differences. One was the fact that the player was using a flute instead of the expected ocarina. Which made sense, as it would've been easier to find.

The other, more obvious difference was the familiar head of unruly pink hair sticking out from under the hat.

Crona continued to play the song, not having realized that Raven had arrived just yet. His eyes were closed, his forehead scrunched slightly in concentration. He played very slowly, trying to get each note right. The timing of the song was a little off, but he continued to push through regardless.

He soon came to the end, and let out a small sigh of relief as he pulled the flute away. He was glad that he hadn't messed up any of the notes, but getting the timing right was still something he had to work on.

He quickly looked up at the stairs when he heard the sound of clapping.

"R-Raven!" he exclaimed, getting to his feet and hiding the flute behind his back. "I-I didn't hear you come in!"

Raven smiled slightly, moving closer. "Sorry about that…I didn't want you to stop playing just because of me."

Crona blushed, looking down at his feet. "I-I was just practicing…it really wasn't all that good…"

"No, no, it was." Raven assured him. "I didn't even know you could play the flute. When did you start?"

"A few months ago…Soul said that I should take up some kind of music as a hobby…I like how flutes sound, so I decided to give it a try…I was just playing because I thought it sort of fit with the costume…"

"Well, that was good for someone who's only been playing for as long as you have." Raven said, giving him an assuring smile. "Just keep at it and you'll have it down sooner or later."

Crona looked back up at her, returning her smile and giving a small nod in response. The two then sat in their seats, looking up at the screen. Raven half-expected there to be some decorations for the holiday, but it looked the same as it always did. She guessed that The Host simply didn't feel like putting them up.

"So, why Link?" Raven asked, turning to look at Crona.

"Oh…um…Maka wanted us to have costumes with a similar theme…" Crona explained, blushing again while doing so. "Since we're going to Kid's Halloween party and all…I wasn't sure who else to use…and she doesn't have a problem with being Zelda, so…"

Crona's face was getting redder and redder as he went on, and Raven had to force herself not to let out a giggle at how he was acting. It was so strangely adorable, and yet so much like Crona.

"Oh? And how does she look in her costume?" Raven asked before she could stop herself.

"…incredible…" Crona answered, his voice suddenly taking an almost dreamy tone.

Of course, a few seconds later Crona realized what he'd just said, and his face became an even darker shade of red than before.

"U-Uh, w-what about you?" he asked, quickly turning to look at Raven. "W-Why a s-stage magician?"

Raven blinked, then sighed, tugging at her jacket. "Actually, it's supposed to be Zatanna. Beast Boy decided that we should all dress up as other superheroes this year, and I just picked the one that was as…conservative as I could think of. At least with this I'm not wearing anything all that different from what I normally wear."

"O-Oh…" Crona replied, not really sure how to answer what Raven had just said. "Well…it does look nice…I really like the hat."

Raven frowned, taking off the top hat and looking at it. "Really?"

"Yeah…it suits you."

Raven turned to look at Crona, slightly confused by the comment. She then looked back at the hat, then shrugged, putting it back on.

She was about to ask Crona what he thought regarding The Host, when a familiar sound interrupted her.

_WHAM_!

She sighed. _Well, it should be interesting to see what he's wearing…wait, would he even celebrate Halloween?_

She looked up to watch him come down, but was surprised to see huge amounts of smoke suddenly billowing into the room.

"What the-" she started to exclaim, before a form suddenly burst out of the smoke, leaping down the set of stairs and landing with a loud _THUD_ at the bottom.

Both Raven and Crona leapt out of their seats, on guard and ready to fight if the visitor turned out to be a threat. The unknown being suddenly got to their full height, both arms raised high.

"IT'S SPACE TIIIIIIIIIME!"

Raven blinked, soon recognizing the person's attire. The full-body white outfit resembled an astronaut's suit, yet the arms and legs were a bit bulkier than expected. There was also what was clearly a jetpack on the back of it, and the helmet was more pointed, looking like the nose of a rocket at the top.

…_wait…there's no way…_ Raven thought, before the person turned around. Sure enough, the large orange eyes on the face of the helmet confirmed her fears.

"'Sup guys?" the figured said, lowering his arms.

Both Raven's and Crona's jaws dropped.

"_Subarashii_?" they cried.

"Well, duh!" Subarashii replied. "The one and only Greatest Space Pirate In The Universe™, after all! Though, right now, I'm Kamen Rider Fourze!"

Crona's jaw slowly closed, before he pointed at Subarashii's outfit.

"Th-That's not a fake, is it…?"

"Of course not!" Subarashii answered, thumping his own chest with his hand. "No cheap knockoff is good enough for me! I had to go for the real deal! You think a regular costume could've made an entrance like-URK!"

He was cut off by Raven, who had marched forward in the middle of his speech and grabbed the collar of his outfit, pulling him closer.

"_You stole a Kamen Rider belt_?"

"W-Well…not exactly _stole_…more like borrowing without permission-"

"This isn't the time for that! I mean…how did…how is it even possible for-"

"W-Wait a second…" Crona interrupted, walking forward and tilting his head to the side. "That's not Fourze's belt design…"

Raven blinked, looking down at Subarashii's waist. She had expected to see the nosecone-like design, with the four slots for Fourze's switches. Instead, she saw a simple white circle, with a red orb in the center. She also recognized the various symbols surrounding said orb.

Subarashii sighed, pulling away from Raven. "OK, OK…you guys got me."

Subarashii's image suddenly started to shift, his entire body pixelating. He looked as though he was going through an image filter on some computer program. When his image reformed, it was completely different. Instead of the white space suit, it was now a dark pink, with a number of black edges jutting out from various spots on it. A pair of white stripes ran across the chest and up his left shoulder, and the eyes were green instead of orange.

"Yeah…I was just being Kamen Rider Decade transformed into Fourze. That's all." Subarashii explained.

"But…but that still doesn't make any sense!" Raven shouted. "How can you even steal a Kamen Rider belt?"

"And Decade couldn't turn into Fourze…" Crona added. "Fourze hadn't been made yet…"

"If you guys would _let me explain_…" Subarashii grumbled, before holding up his hands. "But basically, my universe has its own Kamen Rider."

The room grew quiet for a few minutes, Raven and Crona staring at Subarashii in utter disbelief.

"…what." Raven said.

"What? It does! It's always been Decade! He's just been making updates at regular intervals with the new Riders!"

"…your universe has its own Kamen Rider." Raven stated.

"That's what I just said."

"…and it just happens to be an alternate version of Decade."

"Yeah. One who's been adding the newer Riders."

"…Subarashii?"

"Yes, Raven?"

"That doesn't change the fact that _you stole a Kamen Rider belt_!"

Subarashii sighed, slumping slightly. "Will you relax? You're making this into way too big a deal."

"No, there are rules that you have to follow when it comes to superheroes, Subarashii!" Raven exclaimed. "You don't tug on Superman's cape, you don't remind Spider-Man about Gwen Stacy, and you don't steal a Kamen Rider belt! It's just not done!"

"Geez, you're making it sound like the world's going to come to an end…"

"No, but you're definitely going to get beaten to a pulp when your Rider finds you!"

"That's _if_ he finds me."

"B-Besides all of that…" Crona interrupted. "Isn't that still dangerous? I mean, won't he need that belt?"

"Guys, I'm going to give it back!" Subarashii answered. "I'm not _that_ greedy! Besides, what are the odds that he's going to need this just when I take it?"

(meanwhile, a young man is running for his life from a horrible monster, wishing that he had his belt so he could fight back)

"Anyway, can we get to the review already?" Subarashii asked, before sitting down in his usual seat.

Both Crona and Raven stared at Subarashii, before turning to look at one another. Raven then let out a frustrated growl and sat back in her seat, Crona soon doing the same.

"Nice costumes by the way, guys." Subarashii commented.

Raven chose to ignore him and opened the first bit of fanmail.

_Hello, Raven. I just wanted to say that you really inspire me. You personality is simply amazing, and no one seems to realize how hard you struggle all the time to keep being you. You're so strong, I'll like to be able to stand on my own just the way you do. And that is undoubtedly something you share with the other Raven. (I know it sounds a little wierd, sorry...)_

Raven blushed, looking off to the side. "Um…thanks…"

_So... for the question: What do you think about the other Raven, the comic version of you? You may be the same person in theory, but there are big differences betwen you two. Do you think she made the right decisions? Like with what happend with Wallace? (She has her own reasons, I know that. And it wasn't entirely platonic.) So... basically... I'll like to know what you think about her._

Raven sighed, folding up the letter and placing it aside, before looking up at the screen.

"To be honest, I haven't given this enough thought to give a proper answer…but from what I do know of the other me, I'd like to think that she simply didn't know what she was doing in certain situations, like with what happened to Wally…like me, she grew up in seclusion from other people, and like me, she had to learn to control her emotions. So it's possible that she simply didn't understand that what she was doing was wrong. It doesn't justify her actions, but it does explain them."

Without waiting for a smart comment from Subarashii, Raven opened the next letter.

_Raven, Crona, and Captain Subarashii._

_Instead of sending letters. Is it possible for me to send you an item of sorts? Like say a gift. :]_

Subarashii shrugged. "From the looks of it, no. We haven't got any free stuff or anything. But hey, you can always give it a try!"

Raven frowned. "Are you seriously asking our viewers to send stuff in to us?"

"Hey, if it's free, I'll take it!"

"…trust me, you'll come to regret that one…"

Crona decided to just open the next letter before the conversation got out of hand.

_Captain Subarashii: Would you be willing to tell us what your name mean's in english ?_

"Who says it has to mean anything?"

_Also iv been trying to get a good understanding of tropes lately and have found two that describe this show _

_1:Mage(Raven) Warrior(Crona) & Rouge(You)_

_2:Fiveman Band Leader/Smart guy(Raven) Lancer(You) The Chick(Crona) & The big guy (Crona/Ranarok)_

"Uh…that's great and all, but wouldn't it make more sense to use a trio for this? Like the Freudian Trio?"

Raven looked up. "Before any of you start sending in fanmail asking which we are, Subarashii's Id, Crona's Ego, and I'm Superego."

"…yeah, what she said."

_And lastly ya know that little bout of Manga elietism basicly led you to say you would either be put in to a diomond coffin and used as a battery or be forced into slavery lest you have you life force drained in a very painful manner just saying you could have thought that through better oh and you picked the doll who soul raped Hinaichgo_

"Wait, wait, wait a second…"

Subarashii then reached into a pouch on his belt, fumbling around for a few seconds. He then pulled out a deck of cards and spread them out, showing each card to the screen.

"Hmm…well, I've got a ton of cards that let me turn into a bunch of different Kamen Riders, but no fucks to give! Sorry about that!"

_Crona:Well i looked up a video of Fluttershy and she got me i started watching the show and then i remembered you hugging the plushy now that is just to cute_

"…wait, what?" Raven asked.

"What was that about a plushie?" Subarashii wondered.

"N-Nothing! Nothing at all! Next question!" Crona answered.

"…dude, we already know you're a brony, there's no point in-"

"_Moving on_!"

_Raven:I was sudgeting you do that when the world joining thing get's further along and Dante is all youd need he's offed THREE guy's as bad as trigon so yeah_

"Yeah, I know he could. It'd just be more satisfying to see more people beating the crap out of him."

Subarashii raised his hand. "Out of curiosity, am I the only one here who doesn't have mommy or daddy issues?"

"_Watch it_." Raven warned, opening the next letter.

_Raven:_

_You are awesome. XD Just an FYI_

"So I've heard. But thank you all the same."

_Crona:_

_Caramel or Butterscotch?_

"Um…butterscotch?"

_and it's a Zen Hug. I would hug you if I was there and I could hug a fictional character, but I can't so pretend... XD It's the thought that counts right?_

"I guess…"

_Subarashii:_

_... Really... I would have chosen the same guys to crew my ship too... and I am really trying not to be creepy, but... there it is... You are my favorite Awesome Space Pirate Captain._

"…lady, that was a _dream_ I had! You know, crawl into bed, drop some z's, that kind of dream? How in the hell are you-"

"Wait, what?" Raven asked.

"…never mind."

Before Raven could even ask what was going on, Subarashii was opening the next letter.

_Suibaby ummmmm ya know kira wantid to rape suignto rite ? and did rape hina at lest as clos as a dol can insted id put you with kana you 2 would hav great chiemistry in a platonic kinda way_

"Yeah, great, seriously, do not care one iota."

_rae rae ya know givn yer comics selfs histery maybe ya shoodnt choos the traiter yah id go with hina you and her are both suferes of chronic codependence_

"…you know, if I wanted a psychoanalysis, I'd ask someone who actually knows what they're talking about, and not someone who clearly stopped aging mentally once they hit puberty."

_crony hinas gone bastards ! and suibabys partner is 1 of them what killd her sides youd do beter with suiginto ya 2 are practicly the same person_

"…we shouldn't answer questions like that anymore…"

"Gee, you think?" Subarashii quipped.

_croven i waz just teezin ya last time and that was sopesod to be ma last real troll moment cuz aparently i missed the memo about this being nazi germany pleez come save us cyborg teddy-zilla but great news my bro Hates MAKA so i can teez the canon su yay_

Crona gave a slight twitch. "If you're trying to get on my good side, you're failing miserably."

_Ragnarok I apolojize for any undo stress i may have coused you i will seece that line of jokes i hope that this help's you in your reintergration process and i wish ya well_

Crona crumpled up the letter and tossed it aside, before looking over his shoulder.

"It's safe now…"

That familiar _splortch_ rang out as Ragnarok uncurled from Crona's back, letting out a frustrated grunt as he did so.

"How many times do I have to tell you that I hate it when you wear multiple layers?"

"It's how the outfit is supposed to be…and make sure you absorb the blood when you go back-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, no stains. Seriously, why does it even fucking matter? You're gonna wear this one time and then never touch it again!"

Raven sighed, deciding to open the next letter before Ragnarok could really get going.

_Crona: Come on. You can trust_

Crona quickly snatched the letter out of Raven's hands and skipped to the next question.

_Ever heard of Berlusconi?_

"No…I have no idea what that is."

_Subarashii: Have you ever had to fight a cyborg version of historical heroes like CyborgLincoln?_

"Are you nuts? If I ever ran into one of those, I'd _help_ them!"

Crona tilted his head as he opened the next letter. "Even if they wanted world domination?"

"Yep!"

"…some Kamen Rider you turned out to be…"

_Ragnarok- Welcome back. Now, we're you freaking out before during the fan mail because of what that crazy fangirl said to you?_

"_Yes_!" Ragnarok replied. "God, the last thing I expected to get here was a stalker!"

Subarashii let out a snicker. "Seriously? The big bad Ragnarok is scared of one demented fangirl?"

"Oh shut up, pinky!"

"_Hey_! This isn't pink! It's magenta! Ma-gen-ta! Get it right!"

"Sorry, I can't hear you over how pink you are!"

_Crona-Sad to say, I tried to read that, er, um, crossover with you and Raven to see how bad it was. I didn't get through the second chapter. I make no promises about you never having to experience read it. I can just about guaranty people have requested that one to be reviewed. I'll be blunt. You. Are. Screwed._

Crona shivered. "I-I kind of figured that out already…"

Raven glared at Subarashii. "If and when we do review that fic, you are _so_ dead."

"I thought you had a code against killing." Subarashii remarked.

"_RAVEN CHOP_!"

Subarashii groaned, holding his smoking head as Raven continued reading.

_Raven-Does the statement "Cool story bro" make you want to punch the speaker?_

"Among other things…"

_Subarashii-I don't really have much to say to you, but I didn't want to make you feel left out by not sending you mail. I can't insult you since if I'm going to insult you, I'll need to think of a good insult to go all out. I can't compliment you because that'd be building a greater ego. Wouldn't want to fuel the fire. ;)_

Raven smirked slightly. "Nice to know they're catching on."

"Oh don't you be hating me because I'm awesome." Subarashii replied, opening the next letter.

_to Subarashii_

_Your awesome... correction, your epic._

"Indeed I am, thank you for noticing."

_Could I, if it ever becomes possible with the different worlds thing, join your crew?_

"Wouldn't bet on it, sparky."

_Whats your favorite movie for Halloween? (Not the movie Halloween, but the holiday)_

"Hmm…this year I'm gonna recommend The Monster Squad. It's pretty good if you like the old-school Universal monsters."

_if you could recruit an army of aliens, what species would they be? and they can be a variety._

"Whichever ones kick the most ass and don't secretly want to eat me."

Crona tilted his head as he opened the next letter. "Just how many aliens out there want to eat humans?"

"A lot more than you would think…"

_Subarashii: Did you buy your ship, made it from scratch, get it as a present, or what?_

"Stole it, made the adjustments and add-ons myself."

_And just to be an assail: MAN CARROT!_

Subarashii twitched, letting out a strangled growl.

"I thought I was over that…"

_Chrona: Do you like puppies?_

"…y-yes, actually…"

Raven wondered why Crona suddenly started blushing again.

_Raven: Anything new to report concerning the blue stuff in the fridge?_

"Yes, we've officially declared it to be a hazardous material. Cyborg had to send it off to a military base for it to be quarantined before it developed any further."

Subarashii frowned, grabbing the last letter. "Just how exactly did you guys even make that thing?"

"We're still trying to figure that out."

_These ones are for Subarashii! _

_1. Halloween is coming up. Do Space Pirates celebrate Halloween? Like, would they know its Halloween in space? How you guys even keep track of time in space anyway?_

"Well, _this_ space pirate certainly does! And I don't know how the other guys do it, but the computer on my ship keeps track of both my vital signs and the general time of the planet I happen to be closest to, so that I know when I need to sleep and all that."

_2. If you do celebrate Halloween- are you going to dress up in a costume?_

Subarashii pointed at the Kamen Rider suit he was wearing. "Way ahead of you."

_3. Space Dragons, huh? Have you ever seen one before?_

"Well…no. But I will! Sooner or later!"

Raven sighed, getting to her feet. "And how do you know those things even exist?"

"…look around you at where we are, who else is here, what I'm wearing, and then ask me that again."

"And this equates to space dragons, how?"

"Don't go being a non-believer!"

Raven shook her head and used her powers to bring the envelope on the table over to her, before opening it and reading the contents.

_Well, a Happy Halloween to all of you. I thought it would be best to celebrate the occasion with a good scary story. Or, in your case, a bad scary story._

_I'm not entirely sure if this qualifies, but it should be…amusing, nonetheless._

_It is an Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy/Hellsing crossover called Vampiric Vengeance, by SuperBlackdeth666._

_Have fun._

Raven blinked, narrowing her eyes as she looked at the letter again. She then sat down, still staring at the letter in disbelief.

"Wait wait wait." Subarashii said. "A what and a what crossover?"

"I'm reading it, and it's not a mistake…" Raven answered.

"…wow. Someone was on _something_…"

"Well…at least it's not DragonBall Z and Anne Frank…" Crona added.

Raven tossed the letter aside. "I doubt anything's going to top that, Crona."

"Yeah, and _I_ jinx stuff." Subarashii remarked.

Before Raven could reply, the lights dimmed and the show began.

/

**Alucard was not in a good way. For some reason, there was a shortage of people where he lived.**

Raven: Well, considering the problems England's been having lately, can you blame people for moving?

Subarashii: Oooh. Topical.

**Evidently, other vampires had driven them away and gone after them.**

**Because of this, there was a shortage of human flesh and blood. Never one to take more than he needed to survive, Alucard now found himself in a predicament - there was not enough blood available to him.**

Subarashii: What about those blood packets they get from the blood bank? Isn't that enough?

Raven: And shouldn't Alucard be powerful enough to survive on all the blood he's consumed already? He is the Lord of all vampires, after all.

Crona: Wait…Alucard is Dracula?

Subarashii: …spoilers.

**Clearly, there was only one solution; he had to go away somewhere - somewhere far away where there would be more people - where there'd be enough blood to satisfy him.**

Raven: Thank you for explaining the plot as clearly as possible, instead of actually integrating it into the story.

**But he couldn't just leave without notice. He had to take this up with his master, Sir Integra Hellsing, director of the Hellsing Organization.**

Crona: …why do they refer to Integra as "sir", anyway?

Subarashii: Well, I have a theory-

Raven: And we don't want to hear it, _moving on_!

**He went up to the door to her office and knocked.**

**"Come in," said a voice.**

**Alucard went into the office and up to the desk that Integra was sitting at. "Master," he said, "I've gotta speak with you."**

**"Ah, Alucard. I'm glad you came!" said Integra. "You may've noticed that there's been amazingly low vampiric activity around here lately.**

Subarashii: "Yeah, I know, the narrator already covered that."

**We've been havin' it real easy, heh-heh. So what can I do for you?"**

**"Well actually, that's exactly why I'm here," replied Alucard. "The reason why there's been low vampiric activity is because they've driven the humans away, and have gone after them. Now I've never been one to take more than I need, but with the big shortage of humans, there's not enough blood even for **_**me**_** to live off of!**

Raven: "I thought you said the narrator already covered all of this."

Subarashii: "Well, our readers clearly have the attention span of a gnat, so I had to recap!"

**"So anyway, normally I wouldn't ask this of you, but I need to go away for awhile - some faraway place where there'll be more humans around - a place where I can get my fill of blood until such time as the humans come back here."**

Crona: "Unless my old castle back in Romania is still standing. In which case, I could always move back in."

Ragnarok: Hey, you're not gonna go looking for a castle to demolish if we have a mission in Romania, are you?

Subarashii: Why would he need to-

Crona: _Moving on_!

**"Well, you couldn't have asked at a better time," said Integra. With how slow it's been around here, we're planning on taking a vacation to Spain; we're all very excited! So while we're all there, you feel free to go where you please to quench your bloodthirst. Just try not to wreak too much havoc."**

Raven: …so, in other words, she's going to let the most powerful vampire in existence run loose and kill at random, while everyone else is vacationing in Spain?

Crona: That looks like it…

Subarashii: Hey, if it's halfway across the world, not her problem!

**"You mean it?" asked Alucard.**

**"Of course!" answered Integra. "You're our organization's biggest asset. You deserve it."**

Raven: "Why wouldn't we let you murder innocent civilians?"

**"Wow, thanks," said Alucard. So anyways, I guess I'll be leaving in a second. You guys have fun in Spain. Oh, and try to keep an eye on the police girl for me, okay?"**

**"No problem," replied Integra. "See ya round!"**

**"See ya!" said Alucard. And he teleported away.**

Crona: So, out of all the places in the entire world he could go to to murder at random…he's going to pick the Eds' neighborhood.

Subarashii: *munching* Sure, why not?

Raven: …Subarashii, what are you doing?

Subarashii: Eating Reese's Pieces. What's it look like?

Raven: …but…there's no mouth…how do you…

Subarashii: *munching*

Raven: …oh, forget it.

**Alucard wasn't thinking of any place in particular to go to - just anywhere that he'd be able to find some human necks to bite. When he came out of teleportation, he found himself in a cul-de-sac that was totally unfamiliar to him. "Where am I?" he asked himself as he looked around.**

**In no time, he caught sight of something promising - a group of kids near the end of the cul-de-sac. It looked like a sale of some type - there were three boys at a makeshift vendor's stand, trying to sell products to six other kids. Alucard suddenly built up an appetite. He saw these kids as a very good supply of prey. He went up and hid behind a nearby tree. "I'm come to the perfect place!" he cackled to himself as he watched the kids, waiting for the perfect moment to pounce...**

Subarashii: …you know, taken out of context-

Raven: Don't take this out of context.

Subarashii: Right then.

**These three kids, collectively known as Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy, or the Eds for short, were trying to sell handheld TVs to these other kids.**

**"These ingenious devices will be able to pick up the signals from all the local broadcasting stations," explained Edd (or Double-D, as they called him, "allowing you to view your favorite shows from anywhere on the go!"**

**"Like in those futuristic-y movies!" said Ed.**

Raven: We can all see where this is going to go, right?

Crona: Mhm.

Subarashii: Yep.

Ragnarok: Sure, why not?

Raven: Good, just checking.

**"Now I don't know how much these things would normally cost," said Eddy, "but they'd most definitely cost a shitload, I'll tell ya that! But this - this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get your hands on this treasure for the unbelievable price of just $0.25!"**

Subarashii: So if they supposedly cost a "shitload", why don't you go asking for more money? I mean, seriously, 25 cents? You can do better than that!

**"Right on!" exclaimed an annoying bald kid called Jonny 2X4. He and the other kids eagerly paid the Eds $0.25 each, rounding out for a total of $1.50.**

**The kids all tried to turn on their portable TVs, but they didn't work. They all just went up into static for a few seconds before falling apart right in their hands. It turned out that those handheld TVs were just crap that the Eds had gotten from the junkyard to try and sell; this was a scam - something that the Eds were known for.**

Raven: We sort of figured that out already, thank you.

**"You've ripped us off yet again, Ed-boys!" yelled a tall, foreign-born boy named Rolf.**

Crona: …Ed-boys?

Subarashii: He is the Funny Foreigner after all!

*TVTropes references: 50*

Subarashii: WOO! 50 big ones!

Raven: Woohoo. Congratulations.

**"Dorks! We'll enjoy making you suffer!" hissed a jock named Kevin.**

Crona: "That's my catchphrase, by the way. Did you know that?"

**The Eds didn't even have time to plead for mercy before the other kids jumped them. With great anger, they beat them down with their hands and feet, which were like stones as they inflicted pain upon them. When they'd gotten it all out, they dispersed and left the Eds laying there in hurt.**

Raven …are we supposed to be feeling sympathy for the Eds right now?

Subarashii: Probably. Isn't working, though.

**Alucard, who had been watching everything, seized his chance. He teleported from his hiding place and reappeared right in front of the Eds, who gasped in shock.**

**Alucard taunted them; "Puny humans! You can't even sell junk just to save your life. You would never amount to anything. But it doesn't matter anyway. You are at my mercy, and your blood is mine to suck!" He bared his canine teeth at them, scaring the hell out of the Eds.**

Subarashii: Wait, wait! I've always wanted to say this!

*Subarashii inhales deeply*

Subarashii: Did somebody order a LARGE HAM?

*TVTropes references: 51*

**Ed was the first to run away screaming, leaving Edd and Eddy to their fate.**

**"B-B-But I thought vampires only c-came out at n-night!" stammered Eddy.**

**"I never would've fathomed the fact that vampires were even real entities," said Edd.**

Subarashii: Edd, dude, you're about to die. You can cut out the Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness for once.

*TVTropes references: 52*

Raven: …I'm actually surprised you managed to pronounce that properly.

Subarashii: I am nothing if not dedicated.

**"Oh, we're real," replied Alucard. "And you ain't never met a vampire like me. And you never will, either!"**

Crona: …did Alucard just say "ain't"?

**With that, he drew his signature twin-caliber machine guns and pointed them at Edd and Eddy's faces. He saw looks of extreme fright in their faces and he enjoyed it.**

Crona: And since when did he ever need anything besides those two pistols of his…?

**Next thing they knew, they heard the sound of a chainsaw coming towards them. It was Ed. He had run to his house and gotten a chainsaw and was now trying to save his friends. "DIE, VAMPIRE!" he thundered. Then, he brought the chainsaw down into Alucard's cranium, and down through the middle of his body. Blood gushed heavily from him, and entrails and bone matter flew everywhere as Ed kept on sawing, eventually cutting Alucard completely in half along the length of his body.**

Subarashii: Shit the fuck?

Crona: …didn't see that one coming…

**The Eds all breathed easier for a second, thinking they were out of harm's way. Then, they noticed the blood - it was moving, by itself, back to the body. The two halves of his body moved back towards each other, the bones, organs, tubes, and skin reattaching. The Eds watched in confusion, which turned to horror as they realized what was happening - Alucard was regenerating! They looked on terrified as Alucard's body put itself back together.**

**"Fools!" he laughed when he was fully reassembled. I told you, you ain't never met a vampire like me. I can't be killed. I'm immortal! Mwa ha ha ha ha!"**

Raven: …Alucard just did an evil laugh. Wow.

Subarashii: He's not a vampire! He's a walking ham and cheese sandwich!

**The Eds lives flashed before their eyes. They thought for sure that this was the bitter end.**

**"However," said Alucard, "I suppose I'll give credit where credit is due. You cut me up pretty bad there. I'm sure that all you guys would make a formidable fighting force.**

**"It happens to us a lot," said Ed.**

**"Come again," said Alucard.**

**"Well, every time we try to operate a scam, it malfunctions and we all get pummeled by the neighborhood kids," explained Edd.**

Crona: So why do you keep doing it?

Raven: Because there'd be no point to the show if they didn't, that's why.

**"Just for a day, we'd like for something to go right!" added Eddy.**

**"Wow, said Alucard, amazed. "Don't you just want to get them back for that?"**

**"You don't need to remind me of that!" said Eddy.**

Crona: …you want revenge on them for their reactions to you scamming them?

Subarashii: Gotta love that logic.

**"There's just one thing," asked Edd. "Who are you?"**

**"My name is Alucard," said Alucard. "I'm from England. There's this group there called the Hellsing Organization who fights vampires, ghouls, and stuff like that. I fight alongside them."**

**"You fight against your own kind? Why?" asked Ed.**

**"Long story," said Alucard. "Anyway, lately other vampires have chased away the humans from where I'm from, and there's no longer enough blood there to go around. I came here in search of more humans to feed off of.**

Crona: "Didn't the narrator already cover that?"

Subarashii: "The readers aren't that bright, now shut up."

**Which brings me to a proposition that I have for you."**

**The Eds listened eagerly.**

**"You want revenge. I want blood," said Alucard. How's about we team up? Together, we can make it happen! Whaddya say?"**

**Eddy thought for a second, then asked, "What's in it for us?"**

Subarashii: …I thought you guys were the ones who wanted revenge! What more do you want?

**Alucard held up a $20 bill and answered, "20 American dollars between the three of you to start with, plus 10 for every human we kill."**

**Eddy looked at his friends, who nodded their approval. "Deal!" he said as he took the money and shook Alucard's hand.**

Ragnarok: Suckers!

Subarashii: Yeah, I mean, come on. I know they're kids and all, but twenty?

Ragnarok: Should've at least gone for fifty.

Subarashii: Exactly.

Crona: …am I the only one who finds this disturbing?

Raven: No, definitely not…

**"Excellent!" said Alucard. But first things first - you're gonna need these.**

**Alucard unveiled three machine guns just like the two he pulled earlier, and gave one to each Ed.**

**"Cool," said Ed.**

**"This is overly dangerous, but I'm in," added Edd.**

**"This is so cool!" exclaimed Eddy.**

**"Alright, that'll do," said Alucard, who was raring to go. "So, you do you think should go first?"**

**"Oh, I think I know just who to start with..!" cackled Eddy.**

Crona: …we're about to see the literary equivalent to a snuff film, aren't we?

Subarashii: Magic eight-ball says: "All signs point to yes".

Crona: Great…

**A very young, effeminate boy named Jimmy was resting comfortably in his home. Though he was considered "weak," he too also beat up on the Eds as well. He had just stuffed his stomach full of cookies and milk, and now, satisfied with what had happened to the Eds, he was now relaxing, practically half-asleep.**

**He was scared half to death when his front door was beaten on and eventually knocked down. When he saw the Eds at the doorway, a smug grin appeared on his face. "You up for Round 2?" he snickered.**

**"As a matter of fact, we are!" said Eddy.**

**"Remember when you framed us?" exclaimed Edd. "You got us beat for transgressions we didn't even commit. Now it's all gonna travel back around!"**

Subarashii: …again, Edd, really hard to take you seriously when you talk like that.

**"Heh!" chuckled Jimmy, who was obviously not intimidated. "I don't have to worry about that. I'll just call Sarah!"**

**"I wouldn't do that if I were you," warned Ed.**

**"Oh, like you're gonna do anything about it," scoffed Jimmy sarcastically. He turned and reached for the phone, Suddenly a loud bang went off, and just like that, the phone was blown apart. Jimmy looked back and shuddered as he saw the Eds pointing big guns at him.**

**"He told you so," sneered Eddy. "Oh, Alucard?"**

**Alucard appeared from outside the doorway and stood by the Eds as he pointed both his guns at Jimmy. Jimmy writhed in horror as he saw him and screamed, "V-VA-V-VAMPIRE!"**

Crona: …you can just tell that?

Raven: Of course. Didn't you know? All vampires wear bright red zoot suits and hats. It's practically required.

**"You weakling!" laughed Alucard. "You, a boy, need protection from a girl?**

Raven: _Watch it_.

**And what's up with that whiny voice? You sound worse than Justin Bieber.**

Subarashii: Dude, Bieber hate is so last month.

**And I bet that you masturbate while listening to his music.**

Subarashii: Nah, he just works out to Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

**Heh, even if you did survive this conflict, you'd never get laid. But, you're about to die, anyways, so..."**

**Jimmy frantically reached into his pocket and threw out 6 quarters, which landed at the Eds' feet. He pleaded, "Take all my money! Just don't kill me! I'll never lay a finger on you ever again! PLEASE SPARE ME!"**

Subarashii: …are they supposed to be this stupid when it comes to money?

Raven: I'm guessing yes.

**"Hmm, tempting," said Edd, right before shouting to his comrades, "FIRE!"**

**Ed, Edd, Eddy, and Alucard all opened fire on Jimmy, who was totally defenseless. Bullets tore through every part of his body, tearing up his insides, and blood spewed out all over the place. After taking many rounds, he collapsed like a common rag doll, his body twitching, coughing, still alive, but just barely.**

Raven: Well, that was needlessly excessive.

Subarashii: You haven't watched any horror movie in the past decade, have you?

Raven: Oh, shut up.

**"Right then," said Alucard as he handed the Eds a $10 bill. "Here's your $10. Now then..." He walked over and stood over Jimmy, who was just barely hanging onto life. He enjoyed the sight for awhile, then he pointed a gun to Jimmy's head and said, "Have fun in hell, you little faggot!" And he pulled the trigger and did the deed.**

Crona: …that comment wasn't necessary.

**"Uh, why did you kill him before drinking his blood?" asked Ed.**

**"Because otherwise he'd turn into a super-vampire, and then he couldn't be killed," explained Alucard.**

**"Ohh, that makes sense," the Eds all said.**

Subarashii: I thought that that was only if the victim was a virgin.

Raven: …Subarashii, they're in _grade school_.

Subarashii: …I'd have a remark for that, but that would make this turn dark quick, so let's just move on.

Raven: Wise decision.

**Alucard then proceeded to drink what blood was still inside Jimmy's dead body, as well as the blood that was splattered around the room. Meanwhile, the Eds took time to relax and reload their guns They also picked up the quarters that Jimmy had thrown at their feet.**

**When Alucard had drank all the blood, he turned to the Eds and asked, "You guys ready to do that again?"**

**The Eds nodded eagerly. "And I know just whose next!" said Eddy.**

**They all went to the playground, where Jonny 2X4 was playing. They hid behind a tree for a short time and watched. Then, Alucard came out of hiding and allowed himself to be spotted.**

**Jonny looked at Alucard and was amazed. "Cool, a vampire!"**

Crona: …how does everyone just know? I mean, yes, Alucard doesn't look like a regular human, but he still looks human enough to fool the average person!

**Alucard smiled vainly and said, "That's what I am."**

**"How ya doin?" said Jonny. "I'm Jonny 2X4, and this is my best friend Plank." He held up a wooden board with a drawn smiley face on it.**

**In an instant, Alucard drew his gun and fired a shot that blasted Plank out of Jonny's hand and into Oblivion.**

**"OH MY GOD, YOU KILLED PLANK, YOU BASTARD!" cried Jonny.**

Subarashii: *facepalm* Really guys? …_really_?

**"He's not gonna be the only one dead!" snickered Alucard as the Eds emerged from hiding with their guns drawn.**

**"You're a crazy pathetic fool, who has an imaginary friend because you don't have any real friends," taunted Alucard.**

Subarashii: …uh, no shit, Alucard. That's generally why someone creates an imaginary friend. Because they don't have real ones.

Raven: Fic, you don't have to explain _everything_ to us. We can figure some things out on our own, thank you.

**"But you're gonna be put out of that misery...permanently!"**

**"And you'll know how we felt!" yelled Ed.**

Crona: …what, you guys were shot to death with machine guns?

**"Oh come guys!" Jonny said as he backed away scared. "Surely we can talk about this, work something out or-." Those were his last words. Alucard and the Eds fired their machine guns. Jonny's blood and guts came spewing out and flew all over the playground as the bullets ripped him apart. All of his organs, including his heart and brains, were reduced to mush and he fell to the ground. He was dead.**

Ragnarok: Oh, gee, really? I thought he'd be perfectly fucking OK after both his heart and brains were liquefied!

Subarashii: Excessive violence ho!

**"Another one bites the dust," intoned Alucard.**

**"And another one gone, and another one gone. Another one bites the dust," sang the Eds.**

**"Hey! He's gonna get you too. Another one bites the dust!" Alucard and the Eds all sang. They all had a laugh.**

Subarashii: …you all make me feel bad for being a singing space pirate. All of you, hang your heads in shame. Yes, you too, Alucard.

**Alucard gaves the Eds their $10. Then he gathered up all the splattered blood and drank it.**

**"Uh, guys, that Alucard guy creeps me out," said Ed.**

**"Well, he certainly does display very sadistic tendencies," replied Edd.**

**"Whatever kind of guy he is," Eddy explained, he's a great help to us! We're getting a back at the kids, and we're getting rich! That's what counts!"**

**"Well, we trust you," said Edd. :But he's still scary."**

Raven: Nooooooo. The vampire who's convinced you to murder your peers so he can drink their blood is _scary_? Now you're just being ridiculous.

**The Eds went and took the money from Jonny's pockets. Alucard finished the blood and asked the Eds, "Who's next?"**

Subarashii: Uwe Boll! Please go after Uwe Boll!

**Rolf, the weird foreign boy was hard at work out on his farm. He was busy tending to his turnips. Around him, his farm animals were grazing or cleaning themselves.**

**Ed, Edd, Eddy, and Alucard were hiding behind a nearby fence, watching and waiting. Alucard's mouth began to water uncontrollably.**

**"Uh, why is your mouth salivating so much," Edd asked.**

Subarashii: …I have a guess-

Raven: Save it.

Subarashii: Righto.

**"Why wouldn't it be?" said Alucard. This boy, with all these farm animals - it's like a real honest-to-god blood mine?**

**"That makes sense even to me," said Ed.**

Crona: …the joke is that he's stupid, in case you didn't already know.

**"Alright, here's what we're gonna do," explained Alucard. "You stay here while I do in the animals. Then, when I have that kid in submission, you guys come out, and we'll do the deed together."**

Subarashii: *snerk* "Do the deed"…

Raven: …wow, I never thought you would lower yourself to being _that_ childish.

Subarashii: Hey, don't hate me because I'm young at heart.

**"Sounds good to me!" Eddy said enthusiastically.**

**Rolf was still tending to his turnips when his animals all started crying out hysterically, accompanied by the sound of gunfire. He turned around and couldn't believe what he saw. A creature wearing a cape and wielding machine guns was shooting and killing all of his animals.**

Raven: …it's not a cape, it's a trench coat.

Crona: But earlier you said it was a zoot suit.

Raven: I misspoke. It happens.

**Blood and other fluids flew spurted everywhere and body parts were sent flying. Rolf's goat, Victor, tried to attack him, but he pointed his guns and riddled his body with bullets and reduced him to a pile of fluids, organs, and bone matter.**

Subarashii: *singing* Blood! Blood! Gallons of the stuff!

Raven: …seriously?

Subarashii: It fits!

**"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?" Rolf cried out in a rage.**

**Alucard pointed his machine guns at Rolf's head and replied, "Heh! Living in the past. That's a very fine way to live, I say sarcastically.**

Crona: …is there a reason to say that part aloud? Did you really think we couldn't figure that out ourselves?

**It's no wonder you're not getting everywhere in this country, since you're too proud to assimilate.**

Raven: That's right, you heard it here folks. Individuality is bad. Conformity is good.

Subarashii: Death to Videodrome. Long live the new flesh.

Crona: …does that even fit?

Subarashii: Oh, shut up.

**And as for the meaning of this..."**

**Ed, Edd, and Eddy all came out of hiding and pointed their own guns at Rolf's heart. "The tables have turned!" Edd intoned.**

**Rolf started to cry and beg for mercy; "Oh, please guys! I'll never hurt you again! I'll even give half my allowance to you!"**

**"SLEEP NOW IN THE FIRE!" the Eds all replied.**

Crona: …why not just say "burn in Hell"? That just seems…silly.

**And with that, Alucard and all of them fired their guns, ripping through Rolf's flesh and vital organs and cutting him up limb from limb. His brains oozed out from his head as his body collapsed on the floor in a pile of its own gore. Alucard fired some more rounds, and in a moment, Rolf was dead.**

Subarashii: …well, Jigsaw was right. There was blood.

Ragnarok: Why the fuck do you need to keep telling us that he's dead? If he's laying in his own organs, the bastard's obviously deceased!

**"Oh my fucking God, I am going to **_**love**_** this!" Alucard said delightfully as he handed the Eds another $10. He then went around the farm (what was left of it), and consumed the entire bloodbath. He practically had an orgasm inside of him as he drank.**

Raven: Oh, thank you ever so much for that visual, fic…

**When he was done, he was more hyped up than ever.**

**"Oh man, I feel great!" Alucard said. I feel like I could challenge the world to battle! You guys know who you want to get next, 'cause I'm rarin' to go!"**

**"You guys go on," Ed said quietly. "There's something I must take care of on my own."**

**"What the hell are you talking about?" Alucard asked.**

**"Relax," said Edd. "I think I know exactly what Ed is referring to."**

**"Go get her, big guy!" Eddy encouraged him.**

**And so Ed went off on his own..for the time being.**

Crona: …her?

Subarashii: …oh, I have a very bad theory about where this is-

*POHC NEVAR!*

Raven: Enough of your damn theories already!

**Ed went back to his house, not to rest, but to make a killing on his own. The target: his own younger sister, a little brat named Sarah.**

Crona: …wait, what?

**She was Jimmy's playmate (and she had no knowledge of his demise), but unlike him, she was as fierce as a fighting dog. Not only had she beaten the hell out of the Eds in the past, but she had had Ed at her mercy for years. Now, thought Ed, those days would be over.**

**He crept up the staircase and across the hall towards Sarah's room. Inside, Sarah was having fun playing tea party with her dolls. Then, the door came crashing down. She looked and saw Ed standing there, with a sinister look on his face.**

**"Hello, my sister!" he croaked.**

**This made Sarah furious. "ED! Get out of my room, nimrod!" she screamed.**

Raven: …I think you might want to ease up on the name-calling, considering he just broke down your door and is pointing a machine gun at you.

**She got a baseball bat and waved it at Ed.**

**Ed responded by drawing his machine gun and pointing it at Sarah. "Now it is your turn to be at my mercy," he growled.**

**Sarah backed up against the wall in fright. Ed walked towards her while saying, "Do you have any idea? Do you even know what I felt like with you? You were so damn mean to me, you treated me like a pile of dog feces, and you never let me have any fun! I'd say you were going to hell for it all, but you're much to low even for that place."**

Subarashii: …so you're going to kill your younger sister for picking on you. …OK, I know I shouldn't be taking this seriously, but what the fuck, man?

**Suddenly, Sarah grew outraged. She took her bat and tried to hit Ed over the head, but he was to fast. Ed pulled the trigger and the bullets flew. In no time at all, what was once a sanctuary for dolls, tea parties, and all things girly, was now a bloodbath. The gunfire had reduced Sarah, a lean mean bitchy machine, into a broken, bleeding carcass left to fester.**

Crona: …that's a much more disturbing image than it has any right to be.

Raven: Too true.

Subarashii: Amen to that, brotha.

**Ed stared at the body for a moment, triumph flowing through his veins. He started to leave, but then, curiosity got the better of him. He went up to the body, and scooped up some blood with his hands. He looked at it for a second, then took a sip. To his surprise, the blood actually tasted good. He drank the rest of the blood in his hands. Then, satisfied with himself, he left to rejoin the others, who were setting up for another kill...**

Subarashii: Say it with me now, kiddies. We just took a left turn at Albuquerque and wound up in WHAT-THE-FUCK-Ville!

/

The lights slowly came back on as the show came to an end. The trio all sat, staring at the screen in both confusion and disbelief.

"…well…that was interesting…" Subarashii commented.

Raven tilted her head. "Interesting is probably the only adjective to use to describe that…everyone was out of character, the situation was laughably bad, and the dialogue was bizarrely terrible. It just seemed to be an excuse to kill off characters in very graphic ways."

"…so…it was like your average slasher movie?" Crona wondered.

"…yeah, it basically was." Raven answered.

She then got to her feet, before pointing at Subarashii. "OK, we're done, so you need to go return that belt. _Now_."

Subarashii sighed. "Oh, come on. Can't I just borrow it for a little longer?"

Raven grumbled, then reached into her jacket and pulled out a long black wand. She started waving it around in Subarashii's direction, chanting at the same time.

"_Won tleb taht nruter_!"

The two stared at one another for a few minutes, both waiting for the other to react or make a move.

"…you know, you're not actually Zatanna, Rae." Subarashii replied.

Raven raised an eyebrow at Subarashii, before her eyes started to glow white. Subarashii quickly got out of his seat, heading for the stairs.

"OK, OK, I'm going! Geez, have a little patience already!"

He stopped in front of the stairs, before reaching into the pouch on his belt and pulling out a card, the pouch giving a strange _vroom_ when he did so.

He reached down and pulled at the side of his belt buckle, the sides separating and the center rotating. He then slipped the card into the newfound slot, the belt starting to make noises once he did so.

"Kamen Ride." a mechanical voice answered from the belt, the center starting to light up. Subarashii then pushed the buckle back into its proper place, the center rotating back to the way it was. "Fourze!" the voice called out.

A white light then surrounded Subarashii as a few techno-ish notes played from the belt. Once the light cleared, Subarashii was wearing the white Fourze suit again. He turned to look at the two.

"Happy Halloween!" he called, before his jetpack started emitting smoke. He turned and took off, hovering over the stairs and out the doors.

Raven watched him go, giving a small sigh while doing so. She turned to see that Crona had gotten out of his seat, and was now staring at her in slight anticipation.

She quickly realized that he was expecting her to bring up with happened with The Host after the last session. It wasn't surprising to her that he had been thinking about it too. After all, there were a number of questions that had arisen from that moment.

She looked up at the screen, then back to Crona. She then reached over and gently patted him on the shoulder.

"Go on. Get going."

Crona blinked. "B-But what about-"

"Don't worry about it. We can talk about it next time. You go have fun, alright?"

Crona stared at Raven for a second, before blushing slightly and nodding. "O-OK…"

He walked past Raven, heading for the stairs and starting to ascend them. He stopped halfway up, turning to look back and giving a small wave.

"Happy Halloween…"

Raven smiled, waving back. "Happy Halloween."

Crona then resumed heading up the stairs and out the doors.

Raven frowned, starting to head up the stairs herself. There was a lot to think about, a lot to consider. There was a chance that they were now in even more danger than before, if The Host was truly upset with them. There was no telling what he could do to them if that was the case, and they would have to prepare accordingly.

But, for the time being, it could wait.

/

Alrighty, another one all done!

As always, recommendations and fanmail are eagerly encouraged! But, remember guys. I review _bad_ fanfics. Please keep this in mind when looking for picks.

Anyway, have a safe and fun Halloween, and I'll see you guys around!


	26. Story 18: Unbreakable Vow Part 1

OK, no more dilly-dallying! We're back with another review!

In case you didn't read the Soul Eater spinoff, I'm now giving you guys the chance to send gifts to the cast. But they have to be appropriate gifts. Things you could actually send to them in the mail. And nothing even remotely sexual. This is a trial run, so if that rule is broken, we're never doing this again.

Also, in case you haven't been reading my DA journal, I'd like to tell you all that Roving Otter is now working as my beta reader, which I will always be grateful for. So you can definitely expect improvements to the story from here on out!

Anyway, today's story comes recommended by Zoomatron. If you have some time to kill and are willing to risk losing your sanity, then you should definitely give his work a read. As always, if you agree or disagree with his choice, you know what to do.

And awaaaaaaay we go!

/

One of the first things Raven learned when she became a superhero was "know thine enemy".

To properly take down a threat, one had to know everything about the opposition. Their face, their name, their methods, their motivations, their plans. Every bit of information one could get was necessary to taking the opponent down.

The problem with the current opponent was how little that she knew.

"Alright…" Raven began, pacing in front of Crona. "Let's see what we have."

Crona simply sat in his seat, watching Raven walk back and forth.

"We know his name." Raven said. "We know that he's The Host."

"But that's a name we gave him…" Crona commented.

"And from what you've told me, he's decided to use that name anyway. It's still something to go on."

Crona shrugged slightly in response, so Raven continued.

"Not only that, but you told me what he looks like. …in that he doesn't really look like anything. But that's still unique, so it'll help."

"Unless there are more like him…"

Raven frowned. "Let's not even consider that possibility…"

"R-Right…"

"We know that he wants to create a web of worlds in which multiple fictional characters can interact." Raven continued. "And we know he intends to use this theater as the center. We also know that he intends to teach these characters that they are fictional to make the transition easier."

She sighed, stopping in her tracks and turning to look at Crona.

"But we don't know how he's connecting the worlds together, other than some strange energy Cyborg detected that we know nothing about. And we don't know why he's doing this, apart from him claiming that it's just for curiosity's sake."

Crona frowned, waiting for Raven to keep going. When she didn't, he spoke.

"So…in other words…"

Raven stared at Crona for a second, before throwing her hands up in the air.

"In other words, we know nothing useful at all."

She then gave a frustrated sigh, walking over and sitting beside Crona.

"This is ridiculous…" she muttered. "It's like as soon as we answer one question about The Host, ten more pop up…"

Crona tilted his head.

"Raven…are you really sure about actually trying to stop The Host?"

Raven turned to look at Crona. "Of course I am. You know that he's putting a lot of people at risk by doing this."

"Y-Yes, I know…" Crona started. "…but I know a scientist very well. In order to make advances in science, sometimes you have to do things that are…less than acceptable…"

Raven sighed. "That argument _might_ work if science or psychology was his sole purpose…"

"…you think he has another reason?"

"Well, think about what he's done to us. He's continued to torture us by forcing us to see warped, disturbed versions of ourselves, and by bringing our friends in to experience the same, in addition to forcing us to learn about being fictional. There's only so many times you can do that under the guise of "science"."

"…but what's the point if not for his experiments?"

"If everyone in this multiverse learns of their fictional nature, they'll be in one group. A single group is much easier to control than a number of small groups…"

"Wait…you think we wants to control everything?"

"He wouldn't be the first I've encountered to want to dominate something. He already knows that our worlds are no longer the canon worlds, and the rest will be non-canon as soon as the theater connects to them. Maybe he just wants his own set of worlds to rule over."

Crona frowned, thinking about what Raven just told him.

"…but that doesn't add up…" he mentioned. "If he really wanted to control everything, wouldn't he be more direct?"

"Not necessarily." Raven replied. "If he was in the open about it, there would be more resistance. If he's more subtle about it, then it'll be easier to manipulate things to his liking."

"…I don't think I like that idea…"

Raven noticed that Crona was now looking down at the floor, holding his arms. She thought about how he in particular had been through a number of ordeals since coming to the theater. Not just inside it, but in his own world as well. If The Host had manipulated those events…

"…Crona, I know it's not a nice idea to consider, but still-"

_WHAM_!

"Yoho!"

Raven sighed. _Does he have crappy timing on purpose?_

She looked up as Subarashii came marching down the stairs, giving the two of them a half-hearted wave before flopping in his seat.

"G'day, kiddies."

Crona tilted his head, looking at Subarashii as he slouched in his chair.

"Is everything alright, Subarashii?"

"Meh…just feeling lazy today, that's all. Wanna get this done so I can go take a nap."

Raven rolled her eyes. "Oh, you poor baby. Dragging you out of your spaceship to sit in a theater and review crappy fanfics. Your life is just so hard."

"Oh, shut up and gimme a letter."

_WHAP_!

Subarashii let out a grumble, picking up the letter that Raven had thrown at the side of his head and opening it.

_Subrashii_

_How come it feels like people are always stealing my ideas in fanmail to you guys?_

"…I might be able to answer you if I had any idea what you were talking about, pal."

_Have you ever seen Paranormal Activity?_

"Saw the first one. Trust me on this, guys: Believe the hype."

_Have you ever seen sgt frog?_

_If so have you ever met a Keroneon?_

"No, and no."

_Ever met a Time Lord?_

"…no, but it _is_ on my to-do list."

"Good luck with that, considering they're pretty much extinct." Raven added.

"Time travel is a wondrous thing, Raven."

"You cannot travel through time."

"No, but they can."

_Crona_

_Have you ever seen Phineas and Ferb?_

"No, I can't say I have…"

_Has it ever gotten cold enough in Death City that you could chill a soda by your window like I'm doing right now?_

"Considering we live in a desert, no…"

_I recently read a Kingdom Hearts fic where Excalibur was a summon charm; can you imagine having a summon that worthless?_

"H-He's not exactly worthless. He's actually very powerful…just difficult to work with…"

_Raven_

_Ever seen Wicked?_

"No, but I have been meaning to."

_How exactly does that mirror of yours work?_

"Like I said, it's literally a portal into my mind. Can't explain much more than that."

Subarashii frowned while Crona opened the next letter. "Why exactly is your mind a bunch of rocks floating around in space, anyway?"

"It's calming, that's why."

_Crona. You make a sexy Link. ;]_

Crona flushed beet red, making a small choking sound out of surprise.

"Incidentally?" Subarashii remarked. "Totally called this."

"N-Not h-helping…" Crona muttered.

_Song of Storms is one of my favorites too._

_And of course the iconic Sarah's song as well._

_Btw. I recently watched MLP. Awesome show._

_But how would you feel if the Host decided_

_to bring the MLP universe into the mix of all_

_this? I mean just think of it. You could meet Fluttershy._

"As nice as that sounds…I wouldn't want the ponies to have to go through what we went through…that wouldn't be right at all."

_Subarashii._

_Whats older? Power Rangers or Kamen Rider Fourze?_

_Just wondering._

"…well, if you're asking me if Kamen Rider in general came first, then yeah, it did. The original show came out in the 70s, after all. Power Rangers didn't start until the 90s. But Fourze is the most recent version of the show, so if that's what you meant, Power Rangers came first."

_Raven._

_Just wondering something here. Do you have the same tattoo like your graphic novel version dose or no?_

"_No_! What would even make you think that?"

Crona tilted his head while opening the next letter. "Tattoo? What tattoo?"

"Don't ask…" Raven replied, ignoring Subarashii's snickering.

_Crona: So you remember way back when I accidentally created Medusa/Crona? I did it again with Arachne/Crona. But on the bright side, you don't have to review it since it's pretty good. That does nothing to make you feel better does it?_

Crona's head hit his tray, and he gave a low groan in response.

_Raven: Who do you like better? Crona or Subarashii?_

"Don't start that again."

_Subarashii: Ever thought of laughing evilly or wearing a monocle while doing a pirate raid?_

"Former, yes, and have done so many times. Latter, no."

Raven nodded while Crona opened the next letter. "I can see why. It's hard to picture you with a monocle."

"Yeah, I know, right? I could pull off the eyepatch look easy, but a monocle? No way."

_Crona: Sory about that if my last letter caused you some discomfort with it's content_

"It's fine…I'm pretty much used to it by now…"

_Where did the name Makenshi come from ?_

"It's "Demon Swordsman" translated into Japanese."

_You know instead of a house you could just get an apartment same advantage's less cost_

"I know…I just want to try living in a bigger place…"

_And if you ever decied to expand your wordrobe might i sugest you get an orginziation XIII robe i mean come on functinal and stylish_

"…I'm trying to _not_ be intimidating now…"

_Raven: Yeah i get where your comeing from letting the entire stylish action genre losse on him would be fun but it's more humiliateing if it's a one on one fight i just saying nothing beat's the moment the evil god think's he's won only for the hero to go super mode on his ass and teach him he never stood a chance i'm just puting the idea out their_

Raven shrugged. "To each their own, I guess."

_Also how skilled a sorceress are you ? i mean are just an average one with demon power's or are you a prodigy ?_

"I'd like to think I'm quite skilled."

_Captain Subarashii: Sory i meant to say i thought those trope's fit and sory about geting the name's wrong on the first one_

"Hey, at this point, it's practically a running gag."

_What class of ship is the Awsomsauce ?_

"A class all its own, baby."

Raven rolled her eyes, trying to not comment.

_Does it have a Wave-Motion Cannon ? or maybe a Giant plasma chain saw ? if not do you plan to get either ?_

"Dude, a wave-motion cannon is practically required of any self-respecting ship! Plasma chainsaw, though…"

_And i now submit the fowllowing to you please rate it's awsomness on a scale of one to ten_

_Sepheroth possed by emperor Palpatine infused with the nanite's from the Marvel civil war and wearing the gauntlet's of Shiva from Jakie Chan adventure's and weilding Soul edge Sparda The dark dragon blade and the ultimate Soul Reaver from the end of defiance and acting as the avatar for the ancint spirit's of evil and his left eye is a sharingan while his right eye is a byakugan and has the magan eye_

"Zero, because it went past anything remotely awesome and went into overpowered Gary Stu territory."

_Everyone: And i shall now attempt to give you all mental diabiete's Yutaka Kobyakowa from luky star rideing Fluttershy while holding Hinaichigo while the Ham ham's ride on her head and they all sing hush now quiet now_

"See above." Subarashii answered.

"The Ham-Hams ruined it." Raven added, while Crona simply nodded and opened the next letter.

_Crona: If you got the chance to go to a world where you were allowed more than one woman, would you take the offer? (I won't judge you if you don't but it would be highly amusing to know the answer.)_

Crona flushed brightly, passing the letter to Subarashii and choosing to not answer.

_Subarashii: I'm working on the space-zombie sharks as we speak!. Thank you for the idea!_

"…working on them…?"

Subarashii's eyes then widened, before he jumped out of his seat.

"No, you mad fool! Do you have any idea what you're doing? You'll kill us all! If those things get loose, they'll devour everything! They're unstoppable! You're mad, I tell you! Mad!"

Raven and Crona simply stared at Subarashii as he looked at the screen with a panicked expression on his face.

"…_they're_ the mad ones, huh?" Raven remarked.

"Oh, shut up, space zombie sharks are serious business."

_Raven: I don't remember if anyone else asked you, so sorry if I'm repeating a question. Do you prefer sweet, or sour candy?_

"Sweet. I honestly couldn't imagine liking sour."

Raven placed the letter aside and opened the next one.

_Raven: I just wanted to say that your bravery and willingness to face these god awful shit-fics has impressed me and most of everyone should follow your example. no...Everyone has to follow your example. You are strong and brave and no one has the right to take that away. So keep going, we believe in you. And if you should fall, we will pick you right back up._

Raven blinked in surprise. "U-Um…thank you very much…"

_Crona: You also impressed me. Even though you are timid on the outside, on the inside is that of a lion. And just like Raven, you have the strength to go on reviewing these shit-fics. So see this through to the end. You are alot stronger than anyone else thinks. You may not realize it but it's there. And I'm glad Raven is looking after you like an older sister. Good luck to both of you..._

Crona blushed in response, in particular the part about Raven being like an older sister, and simply passed the letter on to Subarashii.

_Subiatchi: You give space pirates and pirates in general a bad name. Go die in an alley. You are not good enough and you never will be. Do the universe a favor and kill yourself. It would be a better place if you did. Hell I bet Bruce Campbell would laugh at a piece of dog shit such as yourself. Maybe you should kill yourself for his sake since your so gay for him._

Subarashii grinned, crumpling the letter and tossing it over his shoulder.

"Thank you, sir, may I have another?"

Crona frowned while opening the last letter. "Why was he so nice to us but so mean to you?"

Subarashii shrugged. "Haters. They gonna hate."

_Crona sorry about the first two letter's i sent you it was mean and rude i will try to keep my mail to a better level and not be insaulting or out right mean andinsaulting from now on and please tell maka and ranarok to ignor my latest letter's to them agin sorry_

_Note end of sappy stuff_

_ignor the ideot the hoest lyks tha ponys hed nevar bring em heer but he myt lut u goe to them_

"Um…if you say so."

_SuiBaby tha only reesin i tuk tha hul Maiden thingy so seeriusly is cuz that cuda been La place no ma the basis of his powers iz baysikly fuck the rules im a rabit and it aint like he waz ever strait up abowt getin mediums_

"…I'm sorry, could I get that again in a language I can actually understand?"

_ray ray wy ya so tuchy bowt that other name ?_

"Because I don't like it. That should be good enough for you."

Raven then brought the envelope on the table over with her powers, eager to get to today's story over and done with, hoping she could have more time to think about what to do regarding The Host.

_What can make a friend betray another friend? What would make someone sever the bonds that they so dearly created?_

_According to terrible authors, just about anything, as you'll soon see._

_Your story for today is a Harry Potter fic called Betrayal, Power, Lust, and Love by Shadows Daughter._

_Have fun._

Raven sighed, crumpling up the letter and tossing it aside. "I hate how he says "have fun" all the time."

Subarashii shrugged. "Maybe he thinks he's being funny?"

"Yes, he's just hilarious…"

"I didn't say he was successful."

With that, the lights dimmed, and the show began.

/

_**Well this is my first HP fanfiction.**_

Subarashii: Now that is a _huge_ shock! I totally didn't see that coming!

_**I will tell you write now that I love HPFF and the HP movies, I have never read that books, So you'll just have to hang on with me, I hope you like this.**_

Raven: Fantastic. Supposedly a big fan but has never read the books. This is just such a ringing endorsement…

_**...**_

_**Hermione POV**_

**I walked in Diagon Alley tears going down my face, why did Ron have to cheat on me?**

Subarashii: Wow, Ron's a Death Eater already and we just started the fic!

*TVTropes references: 53*

**I was a perfect girl friend, I never cheated, never fought with him, and I helped him with his homework!**

Crona: Wow, Ron has certainly made a huge mistake here…helping with his homework. How could he give that up?

**I don't understand, plus Harry just laughed saying he knew that Ron was cheating on me for two months already!**

Subarashii: How unnecessarily dickish of you, Chosen One.

**Now I am going to a little shop I have never heard of before to meet with Lucius Malfoy. I know why take such a drastic desicion? Well I guess I have never felt so betrayed in my life, and now that I think about it, Harry is not and never will be the "perfect" child everyone sees him as and now I guess I can see why purebloods would want him dead, he's taking glory for something he will never do.**

Raven: …um, you do remember that the purebloods you're referring to want _you_ dead too, right Hermione? Because you're…well, not a pureblood?

Subarashii: Oh, this is going to go well…

**I walked into the place and it turned out to be a crappy bar. I saw Lucius sitting in the corner and I walked up to him, he smirked at me and we walked out the back door where he apperated uw, to some great library, there candles on the walls giving a soft glow, the carpet was a deep green, and the walls were covered in books. Couches were set up in a circular design-the deatheaters were all situated around them, with a big chair or throne that Voldemort was sitting in with Nagini around the chair. Lucius dragged me up infront of Voldemort and pushed me to the ground.**

**"I understand you want to join us." Voldemort hissed. I nodded. "Why?"**

Crona: That's a very good question. One I know we're going to regret the answer to.

**"Potter is an ignorant brat, and he deserves no glory. He only used me to get by in school and now that our last year is almost over, we were going to go searching for your horocruxes, but now that I am no longer with them they won't be able to find them because I have all the information they need to find them,**

Raven: OK, I know Hermione is the brains of the group, but she isn't so smart that she'd instantly know what the horcruxes were, since only Voldemort knew what he made into them, or where all of them were. That's secret information and Hermione can't just magic up knowledge!

**I also was helping Harry make a potion that would allowhim to drain your magic from you , and again I have that information so he can't do that.**

Subarashii: That sounds like a useful potion. Might've been a good idea to mix it up sooner.

**And now I am here asking you to accept me into your ranks, I will tell you any secrets you wish to know, but the only thing I ask is that I respected for the work I would be doing." I answered and looked up into his red eyes. He stared at me consideringly for a while.**

**"Very well. Come here." Voldemort ordered. I stood and walked so that I was a foot away from him. He pulled his wand and I pushed up the sleeve on my left arm. He put his wandtip against my skin and I felt pain and I passed out.**

Subarashii: …just to put things into perspective for you folks at home, this is like a Jewish person becoming a Nazi. Or a black person joining the KKK. Doesn't exactly make a lot of sense.

_**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxxxxx...**_

_**Well please review and tell me what you think.**_

_**-Shadows Daughter**_

Raven: We are not looking forward to you screwing up canon.

Crona: Or trying to make the Death Eaters sympathetic.

_**Hope you like it!**_

Subarashii: Hope you like being disappointed!

_**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**_

**HrPOV**

**I awoke and rolled over. I was soo comfortable. When did I get silk sheets? Then I gasped and sat up. I was in a big room. The bed which had silver blankets and black pillows and was raised up-there were steps you had to walk up to get to it-the be must have been a king size. There were three doorways. There was a nice big desk, which surprisingly had a laptop on it, and some parchment and ink and was a huge vanity, there was a fireplace with a couch and two chairs infront of it, and what I noticed last was that all empty spaces of wall were cover in bookshelves stuffed with books!**

Crona: …the author's going to spend most of the time describing things, isn't she?

Raven: Looks like it.

Crona: I should start bringing a pillow, just in case I find a fic like this…

**I got up and a note flittred to the ground. I picked it up:**

_**Miss Granger,**_

_**I'd like to welcome you to my ranks. When you look at your mark you will notice a slight difference from the usual, all of my inner circle have a slightly different mark, you are probably filled with questions, I shall answer them in time. I shall send a house elf to bring you to me when I am free. Otherwise feel free to expore-you will not be harmed or threatened here..if someone does let me know immediately.**_

_**-V**_

Raven: …so, let me see if I'm understanding this properly: Lord Voldemort has a Muggleborn witch brought before him, and rather than just kill her due to his hatred of Muggles in general, he makes her a Death Eater, and apparently brings her into his "inner ranks", all with the knowledge that this used to be one of Harry Potter's closest friends.

Subarashii: In a nutshell, yes.

Raven: …even saying it out loud, I can't believe it.

**I was so confused!**

Crona: You're not alone.

**I sighed and walked to the dorrway closest to me and was met with a hall. I closed the door and walked over to next closest door and smiled a bathroom! I walked in and turned on the faucets whilee I grabbed a brush and brushed my hair humming to myself. I walked over and turned off the faucets and stripped. I climbed in and sighed a smile coming to my face. I grabbed a shampoo and washed my hair and rinsing. Then I noticed my mark. It had rose at the top that had a thorned stem going down into the mouth of a skull...it was strangly beautiful.**

Raven: I find it interesting that she supposedly has a special mark that not even Voldemort has.

Subarashii: Hey, Hitler wasn't an Aryan, logic doesn't work with dictators.

Raven: Godwin's Law.

Subarashii: Dammit!

**I sighed and got up and wrapped myself in a towel. I walked to what I assumed was my closet. I was right...of course. On the rigt side it was covered in ball gowns and on the left had more normal clothes. I slipped on a matching bra and panty set, then pulled on a pair of black cargo pants and a corset that was dark purple, and some black flip-flops...why do deatheaters have muggle clothes?**

Raven: Another good question! One we will never get the answer to, of course.

**I felt confusedagain and sighed. I brushed my hair again and walked to the door that was going out to the hall and was met face to face Lucius Malfoy himslef.**

Subarashii: …well this got creepy in a hurry.

_**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**_

_**REVIEW PLEASE!**_

Crona: …why are you shouting?

_**Hope you poeple like it!**_

Subarashii: …I guess you do like being disappointed.

_**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**_

_**HrPOV**_

Crona: Why do they keep reminding us that this is Hermione's point of view? I think we've got it by now…

Raven: They're probably preparing for POV jumping in the later chapters.

Crona: Great…

**I jumped and took a step back. Lucius looked away and it looked like he was trying not to smile.**

**"Yes Mr. Malfoy?" I asked and he cleared his throat.**

**"Well, Miss Granger I figured you might want some company, or a tour of thee mansion." Lucius said and raised an eyebrow at me.**

Subarashii: Stranger danger! _Stranger danger_!

**I nodded and opened the door so he could come in. He nodded his thanks and sat down infront of the fireplace. I followedand sat down as well. It was quiet for a few minutes, I opened my mouth a few times to ask some questions but nothing came out. He sighed and I looked at him to see he was staring straight at me. "What would you like to know Miss Granger?" He asked.**

**"Well, I was wondering why am I in his Inner Circle? I just joined! And why are there muggle things in here? I mean i thought you guys hated muggles! And why did you come tto greet me? I tought you hated me?"**

Raven: All valid points to make! Now watch as the author goes against everything canon and be amazed!

**I fired at him and he chuckled at me, I ducked my head and blushed. He laughed louder and I laughed lightly too.**

**"Well, Miss Granger, first of all, you are in the Inner Circle because the Dark Lord felt that with all you ave done on your own that you deserve it, and also because you are...well were so close to Potter. And we don't hate muggles but they should not be in our world, that's what we are trying to do Miss Granger, we are not trying to kill off the muggles!**

Subarashii: Oh, really? Then I guess we were mistaken about those plans of mass genocide!

**They are smart...well some are, we only some to prove ourr power, not very good for rying to get supporters but we are doing fine. And I came to you because I honestly have to say that I am very...inquisitive of you, andfor the record I have never hated you per see, but your heritage, I know what marks you get at school, you're very smart. And I admire you for how much effort you put into your work-for anything, too bad we didnt get you earlier. But we have you now." Lucius finished and I sat there letting that sink in.**

Crona: …so, to sum up, we were all wrong about the Death Eaters and they don't want to enslave all the Muggles, but instead want to separate them from wizards, by spreading fear and chaos and making it _look_ like they want to enslave them.

Raven: Basically, yes.

Crona: …is it possible for anyone to be this dumb?

Raven: Apparently.

**"Alright, I have to admit I'm happy that you guys arent as evil as I thought. And I was wondering...since I'm here and on your guys' side now..can I bring my parents back?"**

Subarashii: …I am so tempted to make an "oven" joke right now.

Raven: I'd like to think even you have enough good taste to not do that.

Subarashii: You would be right.

**I asked and my eyes filled with tears. I missed them...so much..but I needed to protect them...well I did...but not now...not anymore.. But what if they were mad at me? Didnt want me anymore?**

Raven: "What if they didn't know who I was? Because I wiped their memories?"

**More tears came and slid down my face. I covered my face and started to sob. I heard Lucius get up-I probably scared him away. But then I felt his arms come around me an pick me up, and he sat down with me in his lap just holding me and rubbing my back. I grabbed his shirt and pressed my face to his chest. he tightened his arms around me.**

**"We will get your parents back when its safe. But not now, Im sorry my dear." Lucius said and I nodded. Slowly I calmed down and then we we just sitting there. I felt my eyes droop and I yawned, crying took a lot out of me.**

Crona: Did Hermione turn into an eight-year old? She's supposed to be around seventeen, how could crying just suddenly make her tired?

**Lucius chuckled and carried me to the bed and slipped off my shoes. He tucked me in. I opened my eyes and smiled at him, he smiled back and in his eyes I saw adoration and friendliness, nothing more. I felt happier than I have in a long time. "Good Night Miss Granger." He said quietly.**

**"Hermione." I corrected and felt my self drift off.**

**"I don't know how, but I feel as if you are of my own blood. I will try and make you happy. I promise little one."**

Ragnarok: …you guys do remember that this is Lucius Frickin' Malfoy saying this, right?

**I heard him whisper an then I succumbed to darkness.**

Subarashii: He says before preparing to smother her with a pillow.

Crona: …you know, when I read the title, I wasn't expecting Lucius to basically adopt Hermione. I was expecting something else entirely…

Raven: …Subarashii, not a word.

Subarashii: I'm trying not to!

_**xxxxxxxxxxxxxx**_

_**Please review! And Lucius only thinks of her as a daughter. Incase anyone's confused.**_

_**:D**_

Subarashii: OK, if you have to explain that, you're doing something seriously wrong.

**Hope ya'll like it. :]**

Subarashii: Switching to a Southern accent won't help your case!

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**

**HrPOV**

**I yawned and rolled over, and looked out the window-it was probably seven o'clockish. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair an grimaced at the snarles in it. I sat up to find another note this time in a different scrawl:**

**Hermione,**

**I didnt want to wake you, so I left this note for you instead. Dinner is at 8 P.M. I advise you to not be late-The Dark Lord does not like anyone to be late...unless of course you like pain, I hope you do not. Dress in a nice ball gown, if you need help call for Squeak.**

**-Lucius**

Raven: Oh for…and now she's having a ball? Seriously? Does any of this sound even remotely accurate to anyone?

**I growled and ran to the closet, which dress? After ten minutes I picked out a red and white ball gown-it was strapless, with a silver embroidery under the bust, it was snug until have way down my thigh with a silver flower embroidary, it then flared out with white underneath, and some silver heels, slipped on some silver chandileir earings from the vanity and a silver chained chadlier necklace that had diamands in it. I looked in the mirror and pointed my wand at my hair and my hair went straight with curls at the end, I pointed my and at my face and eyeliner went around my eyes with some black eyeshadow, and crimson lipstick went to my lips making them look pouty. I sighed and sliped my dress into my dress from the top into my side.**

Crona: *yawns*

Subarashii: Only the fourth chapter, folks. And these are short ones, too. That should say a lot.

**I went to the door an paused-where was I supposed to go? Then a knock sounded at the door. I paused and opened the door to find Draco? He was in a black on black tux, and dress shoes. I looked at his face his hair was longer and fell into his eyes, his eye were kind..? and a smile was on his face..!**

Subarashii: Don't forget his leather pants!

*TVTropes references: 54*

**He cleared his throat.**

**"Good evening Hermione, you look splendid." Draco said and I stared with my mouth open. He chuckled and I snappd it shut. Now it was my tur to clear my throat.**

**"Thank you Draco, you look quite nice yourself." I said and he smiled, I smiled back slowly. Then he bowed slightly.**

**"I am here to escort you to the ball in your honor. My father would have came, but he went with my mother-of course." He said.**

**"Of course." I echoed. But then my eyes widened. "Inmyhonor?" I whisper yelled quickly.**

Crona: …"whisper yelled"? That's got to be the biggest contradiction you could make…

Subarashii: What about smart Conservative?

Raven: Ooooh, I can see the hate mail now…

**Draco laughed out loud and and grabbed my arm and tucked into his. I raised my eyebrow at him and he smiled.**

**"Ready to go to **_**your **_**ball?" He asked and my eyes widened.**

**"I-I guess." I stammered, he chuckled and led me down the hall. I heard music and laughter and my heart raced. We paused infront of a set of double doors.**

**"We have Mr Draco Malfoy escorting Miss Hermione Granger." A voice boomed and the doors opened to people now all still, then they clapped and made a pathway. I gulped an looked at Draco, he grinned, his eyes twinklng.**

Crona: …wait, if Lucius unofficially adopted Hermione, wouldn't that make her and Draco-

Raven: Let's just not go there…

Subarashii: Hey, they never did go into details regarding how the purebloods kept their bloodlines going-

Raven: I said let's not go there! …and that wouldn't even work in this case!

**XxXxXxXxXxX**

**Sorry its not that good but i'd appreciate reviews. Thanks!**

Crona: I guess she's a sucker for punishment, then…

**Hope ya'll like it. :]**

Subarashii: Seriously, written Southern mannerisms do nothing for me. I need to actually hear it.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**

**HrPOV**

**I grinned back at Draco as we waltzed. We have been in here for a while, I was actually having fun!**

Ragnarok: That's it! Turn in your villain card, Malfoy, you've officially gone full pussy!

Subarashii: Sorry, his leather pants make him immune to criticism.

*TVTropes references: 55*

**"We now have Mr. Lucius Malfoy escorting Mrs. Narcissa Malfoy." The voice boomed from above.**

Crona: Who's announcing this, anyway?

Raven: Someone who owes a really big favour.

**Draco stopped, so I stopped, and he led us to his parents. Lucius bowed slightly and Narcissa curtsied. Me and Draco did the same.**

**"Father, Mother I'm sure you both remember Hermione." Draco said and Lucius smiled at me...tenderly? I blushed slightly and smiled back, and smiled at Narcissa as well.**

**"Of course dear. You have often mentioned her at dinner." Narcissa said lightly with a teasing smile, and Dracos ears turned red. "All good of course." Narcissa said to me and I grinned.**

Crona: This is only making her unofficial adopted status even creepier…

**"It's a pleasure." I said politely to her and she laughed and came foward and hugged me...!**

**"Really Hermione, you don't have to be so formal! If you have the approval of my two favorite men in the world then you have mine! Which makes you family dear, so please, call me Narcissa." Narcissa said and my eyes widened. I looked at Lucius, eyes still wide and he laughed. He stepped foward and held out a hand bowing slightly.**

Crona: And creepier by the second…

Raven: Now I'm starting to wish this fic had a different title…

Subarashii: …I thought we were avoiding this subject?

Raven: Too deep in it now…

**"May I have this dance my dear?" He asked and I smiled and put my hand in his, and he led me out onto the dance floor as a slightly faster song came on. I looked at him confused. "It seems we are going to salsa my dear." He answered and my eyes widened again. I didnt know how to salsa! "Just follow my lead." He said and I nodded and we danced around the room, I was actually quite good! I smiled at him and he grinned back. Then he stopped and raised an eyebrow. "Do you trust me?" He asked and I nodded. He smiled and stepped back so he blended in a little with the crowd. "When I get to three run to me and jump." He said and I gasped, he wanted me to jump up and have him hold me in the air...?**

**"One." I gulped. "Two." He grinned and excitmemnt flew through me. "Three." I ran as fast as I could and people backed up seeing me come looking confused. As I reached Lucius I jumped and he lifted me up, and the song ended. Everyone gasped and started to clap, I laughed and Lucius let me down. I hugged him and he stiffened then hugged me back.**

**"That was so much fun!" I said with a wide smile, he smiled back at me softly.**

**"Yes, it was little one."**

Subarashii: …seriously, this is _weird_. It's moved up to a Jewish person being adopted by Nazis instead of just joining their ranks. It's frickin' bizarre. Not to mention I'm trying to picture Lucius and Hermione getting along like this and it just can't be done!

**He said and then I remebered.."**_**I don't know how, but I feel as if you are of my own blood. I will try and make you happy. I promise litle one." **_**I looked at him and bit my lip.**

**"Could we talk?" I asked and he nodded looking concerned. He tucked my arm into his and led me out of the dance floor, people smiled at me as we passed and I smiled back politely. He led us to where Draco and Narcissa was sitting at a table for four. He pulled out a chair for me that would put me inbetween him and Draco. He sat down and cleared his throat.**

**"What do you wish to talk to me about?" He asked and I frowned glancig at Draco and Narcissa. Well, they would probably hear about this later, so why not let them hear it now? Narcissa stood up about to leave.**

**"Come Draco. Lets leave them for their discussion." She said and Draco stood as well.**

**"No! Please stay." I said and Draco sat down right away, but Narcissa hesitated. "Really Narcissa, I'm sure he would have told you afterwards anyway." I said with a smile. She still frowned but sat down. I turned to Lucius. "Earlier..when I fell asleep..." I paused and he nodded for em to continue. "I don't know if you thought I was asleep..but I heard what you said..." I trailed off and sighed.**

**"What? What did he say?" Draco asked and Narcissa slapped his arm-if it were any other time, I woud have laughed, but I was already embarrassed as it was.**

**"Draco! This is their conversation! Shush!" She scolded him and sighed and crossed his arms. I looked at Lucius and he sighed.**

**"I told her that I thought of her as my own..and I promised her that I'd try and make her happy." He said. Draco raised an eyebrow and Narcissas face went blank. I gulped and looked at Lucius again.**

**"I was wondering...did you mean it?"**

Subarashii: "Nope." End scene.

Raven: Has that ever worked for us, Subarashii?

Subarashii: Never hurts to try!

**I asked and looked down at my clasped hands on the table, then his hand was on top of mine. I looked up and he looked very serious.**

**"I have not lied to you since you have been here." He said sincerely and squeezed my hands, then let them go.**

**"So...now Hermione is like my unblood related sister? In a way?" Draco asked with a grin.**

Crona: …why is he grinning about that?

Raven: And why do I feel like I'm going to need a long shower after this is done…?

**I smiled back at him then Narcissa stood up suddenly-her face was still blank.**

**"Lucius a word?" She asked and he nodded and follwed her. They were about thirty feet away but Lucius was infromt of her his back facing me so I couldn't tell what they were talking about.**

**"Don't worry Hermione. I'm sure its nothing." Draco said but his eyes kept glancing over there to in worry.**

**"Yeah.." I said quietly. We sat their in silence for about five minutes when Narcissa and Lucius caqme back both grinning.**

**"Mother? Father?..." Draco asked sounding confused. Lucius held up a hand toward him and Draco closed his mouth.**

**"Hermione.." Lucius started. "You are a very nice girl, very smart, very polite, and my wife and I would like to extend a...erm..." He trailed off looking confused to his wife. She rolled her eyes at him and smiled at me.**

**"Well, we all know that you are underage, and that you have aonther year of Hogwarts to go.." She said and I nodded confused. "And we know that your parents don't remember you...and that will stay that way until this war is done.." She said and I nodded again. "Lucius and I, we'd like to..only if you want to.." She said and glanced nervously at Lucius. He looked at me.**

**"We'd love to adopt you and become some parental figures in your life, if you would do us the honor."**

Subarashii: And now it's official.

Raven: Alright, I can't believe it's taken us this long to ask this, but…_why_? Why are they suddenly adopting her? Seriously, no reason has been given so far! They've told us why they let her into the Death Eaters, but not why she's being adopted by the Malfoys!

Subarashii: Explain, fic! _Explain_!

**Lucius said and tears came to my eyes...they wanted me to...become a Malfoy as well? I covered my mouth with my left hand as a sob wanted to come out. I stood up and rushed around the table and grabbed Lucius in a tight hug.**

**"Yes." I sobbed. "Yes." He hugged me tighter and I glanced at Narcissa, she smiled at me and rubbed my back. I heard someone clear their throat behind me and turned around to see Draco. How could I forget him? What if he didn't want me as his sister? I bit my lip and he smiled and opened his arms.**

**"Aren't you going to hug your future brother?" He asked and I laughed rushed forward into his arms.**

Crona: …never mind, I'm not going to go there. Maybe if we just ignore the implications, they'll go away…

**"I now finally announce the Dark Lord." The loud voice boomed and I glanced up at Draco nervously. He smiled back and took out his and pointed it at my face.**

Crona: Pointed what at her face?

Subarashii: Aw, dude! You didn't even wait five minutes after it was made official-

*RAVEN CHOP!*

**I looked at him confused.**

**"Your make up was a little smudged." He answered and pulled me down t the ground as everyone fell to their knees. I looked up to see a man who looked aboput 20ish with dark brown wavy hair that went to his ears, he was pale, and was wearing all black. He had a full mouth and his eyes...they were red..Voldemort.**

Raven: So apparently Voldemort has a use for the roadkill he finds.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**I know my facts are a little messed up but for my story I needed to twist some stuff. Please review!**

Subarashii: Wait…you mean…_this isn't accurate_? I had no idea at all!

Crona: When the author admits that the story has nothing to do with canon, that's a sign you should just give up.

/

Goddamn you, writer's block. Goddamn you to Hell.

Hopefully I'll have the second half ready soon.


	27. Story 18: Unbreakable Vow Part 2

OK, here's the second part. Let's get this monstrosity over with.

/

_**Well, I'd like to thank everyone that has been with me so far, and since this seems to be the most...liked story,**_

Raven: By who? Howler monkeys?

_**so I am going to be updating this the most. And I also have something else to say, if you do not like my story, that is fine but please, no hate mail, I don't mind constructive critisism, but telling me I suck at writing and that my story sucks I really don't appreciate it.**_

Subarashii: My heart bleeds.

_**Anyways I hope you like this next chapter.**_

Ragnarok: There's being a sucker for punishment, and then there's being a straight-up masochist! Take a wild guess which you are!

_**HrPOV**_

**"Welcome all to the Malfoy Manor. As I'm sure you all know this party is in the honor of Miss. Hermione Granger. I believe she is here, yes?" He asked and I looked at Draco suddenly nervous and frightened.**

Crona: For once, a normal reaction in this fic.

**He raised his eyebrows.**

**"Get up!" He hissed and pushd my arm. I stood up and Voldemorts face whipped towards me. He smiled and held out a hand towards me.**

**"May I have this dance Miss Granger?" He asked, but it felt more like a demand but I put a friendly smile on my face walked to him.**

Raven: Now, realistically, this would most likely be a trap to get Hermione to lower her guard so that he can kill her. …but because this is garbage, that's not about to happen.

Subarashii: Don't you just love the internet, folks?

**"Ah, splendid, and doesnt she look lovely everyone?" Voldemort asked and there were murmers of agreement-like anyone would disagree with him. I put my hand in his and let him lead me to the center of the dancefloor. "Arise." And everyone stood. "A waltz!" Voldemort said and the musicians in the corner started a song right away. He pulled me closer than neccisary but it strangely felt...good. I glanced up at his face-he was at least a good 8 or 9 inches taller than me, and he was...**_**smirking?**_** at me.**

Crona: …shouldn't you be terrified of that, Hermione? If Voldemort is _smiling_ at someone, that usually means they're about to be horribly mangled.

**We danced in silence and slowy people started to join us.**

**"So...erm...how are you?" I asked and suddenly felt like an idiot...really Hermione? How are you? I blushed and glanced down. He chuckled and I glanced up, he was smiling at me.**

**"I am well, yourself?" Voldemort asked.**

**"I am...well." I replied. and he chuckled again.**

**"I must say I am quite impressed Miss Granger." He said and I raised an eyebrow.**

**"Impressed?" I asked. He nodded.**

**"Yes, impressed. You are probably one of the few who do not quake in fear of me...and my...well, my old appearence." He said humorously. I smiled at him, he **_**was **_**much better looking.**

Raven: …oh in the name of everything sane, _no_.

Crona: *facepalm*

Subarashii: Canon? What's that?

**"Well, I guess you should be impressed." I smirked at him and saw his eyebrows raise. "And as for your appearance, your old one, was slightly...well, it wasn't the best." I said ad he burst our laughing causeing some to pause and stare, I smiled back at him.**

Subarashii: "And then he backhanded me across the room."

Raven: Wishful thinking?

Subarashii: Is it so wrong to want things to make sense?

**"You are quite bold Miss Gran-" I cut him off.**

**"Please, Hermione, it feels to formal to be called," lowered my voice to match his lower voice, "**_**Miss. Granger." **_**He burst out laughing and I joined him.**

Ragnarok: I swear, as soon as Voldemort put that wig on, it's like his balls dropped off and ran away! Why isn't he hexing her into oblivion already?

Crona: …you never liked Hermione, did you?

Ragnarok: Hey, I've got one overly nerdy girl to deal with, I don't need to hear about more of them!

(meanwhile, a certain scythe meister sneezes, scaring her transforming cat)

**"Well, this has been a pleasent few dances, but, if you'd excuse me, I have work to do." He said and stepped back. And held my hand and kissed the back of it, bowing. I blushed and curstied back.**

**"Thank you for the dances My Lord." I said and he smiled.**

**"It's Tom, Hermione." He said and walked off into the crowd.**

Crona: …um, he _hates_ the name Tom. Him using it would be like me using the last name Gorgon again…

**I stood there fora moment then grinned and walked back to the table to see Lucius and Narcissa sitting there, smirking at me. I sat down and smiled at them.**

**"What?" I asked and Narcissa giggled and Lucius grinned. I cleared my throat. "So..Draco dancing?" I asked.**

**"I was. But now I'm not." I whipped around and saw him standing behind me. "And I saw you out there...looked like you were having fun." He smirked and sat down. I blushed and looked over at the doors to see Volde-Tom, I corrected, walking out, but he paused and looked straight at me. He raised an eyebrow and left I turned back to the table and saw all of the Malfoys grinning.**

**"Hermione gots a **_**crruuuusshhh.**_**" Draco sang and I blushed. Was **_**I**_** falling for the Dark Lord?**

Subarashii: …OK, first it was a Jewish person working for the Nazis, then it was being adopted by them, and now it's one falling in love with Hitler! Do you not see the problem here, author?

Raven: Godwin's Law.

Subarashii: Oh, shut up.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Please Review! :D**

Raven: Please get a brain.

_**Well I'd like to thank those that did vote! :D.**_

Crona: …voted on what?

_**Betrayel, Power, Lust and Love**__**, and **__**Many Changes **__**are the two stories I'm going to be working on until one is finished. And I will go on down the list. Well I hope you like the new chapter.**_

Subarashii: Well, it's good to be so optimistic.

_**HPOV**_

**I sighed and rolled over. I looked at the clock I transfigured before I slipped in bed. It read 1:30 AM. I groaned and sat up. I stood up and shivered, I slipped on the robbe I found in the closet and walked to the window that overlooked a patway that led out to the woods behind the house. I turned to walk away when I noticed someone walking towards the woods. Who would be up this late, **_**outside?**_

Ragnarok: You mean besides a stupid Mudblood with a death wish?

Crona: _Ragnarok_!

Ragnarok: What? It's not like it's an actual slur!

**I squinted my eyes and leaned foward and the person looked up at the same time. It was Tom. His red eyes slightly glowed in the darkness. He smiled at me and waved, I smiled and waved back. He beckoned me to come down and I frowned. Should I? He beckoned again and I sighed but nodded. He smiled and turned away. I walked to the closet and slipped on a pair of sweats and a form fitting sweater along with some socks and tennis. Not the best, but it was really friggin early!**

Raven: But apparently it was necessary to mention that it was a "form-fitting" sweater.

Subarashii: …I didn't even think about the age difference here!

Raven: _Don't_!

**I grabbed my wand and walked out my bedroom door. It was dark.**

Subarashii: Dark? At night? Now I _know_ you're crazy!

**"**_**Lumos.**_**" I whispered and started foward down the hallway to a set of stairs, I crept down them and saw the front door. I started to walk to it but stopped and turned, and walked to the back of the manor. I walked past a door that was adjar and opened it a little so see a study of sorts, and the fire was going out. I put the door back the way it was and continued walking. I walked past a couple portraits, some sleeping, some awake-the awakes onees frowned but said nothing. I just nodded and kept walking. I finally found a pair of glass doors leading out to a patio and smiled. I walked out and closed the door behind me quietly. I walked down the steps of the patio to find the path. I smiled and walked down it, but I didnt find Tom. I walked to the begining of the woods and frowned. Where was he? I took a step foward and yelped when a hand came down on my shoulder. I whirled around, wand drawn, ready to defend myself, only to come face-to-face with Tom. I sighed relieved and put my arm down.**

**"I'm sorry Tom. I thought that you were someone else." I said and ducked my head, cheeks aflame.**

Crona: "You mean like someone threatening? Me? Lord Voldemort? That's just silly."

**Tom chuckled and took his hand off my shoulder only to lift my face up. He was smiling.**

**"It's quite alright. I would have been worried if you hadn't reacted." Tom said and I smiled back at him. He let my chin go and gestured to the woods behind me. I turned and started in with him at my right side. "I was wondering what you were doing up Hermione." He said.**

**"I couldn't fall asleep." I said and glanced at him from the corner of my eye. "You?" I asked keeping my face foward.**

**"I could not sleep as well. I was in one of the many studies here thinking." He said and I nodded. So it was him. "I find that I am at more peace when I am infront of a fire, with a drink in my hand." I smiled sadly.**

**"My father said the same whenever I woke at night to find him in the living room when I was younger." I said quietly. Tom was silent for a bit.**

**"Is your father and mother well?" He finally asked and I looked at him shocked, for one-Lucius hadn't told him?, and for two-he actually cared?**

Raven: I love how this fic constantly points out the inconsistencies within its own story but never bothers to explain them. It's almost comforting to know that the author isn't even trying.

**I blinked and sighed.**

**"I would hope so." I said after a moment and looked foward again.**

**"Why don't you just owl them?" He asked sounding confused, I brought my gaze to the ground.**

**"They wouldn't remember if I did." I said sadly.**

**"Why?" Tom asked. I stopped and brought my wandless hand to my face.**

**"I..did a memory charm on them, so you couldn't find them when I was the other side. I did it to protect them, it seemed like a good idea." I said and his hand pulled mine down. I sighed and looked up at him. He looked surpisingly...gentle.**

**"You care for them very much." It was a statement. "And it was a good idea Hermione. If you would like..we could bring them here. They would be protected, treated like royal." Tom said.**

Subarashii: "You can totally trust me! It's not like I hate non-magic folk and would be more likely to make your parents into my slaves or anything!"

**I blinked a couple times and tears spilled down my cheeks. He wiped them away gently.**

**"I'd...I would really appreciate it." I said my voice a little choky. He nodded and brought my towards him, I rested my head on his chest, he wrapped his arms around me, and I cried. For what? I really didnt know. But it felt good to cry..and to be held again. I wrapped my arms around him and he tightened his arms in response. After a while I pulled back and blushed embarassed. "I'm sorry. I got your shirt all wet." I said and I noticed what he was wearing-a button down black dress shirt and pants to match, with black dress shoes to top it off. He laughed and waved his hand across his shirt and it looked brand new. I looked up at him shocked, wordless, wandless magic at once? I mentally slapped myself. This was The Dark Lord, Voldemort.**

Subarashii: Ka-_doi_!

Raven: Voldemort-In-Name-Only would be more accurate.

Subarashii: And thus, this character was christened VINO!

**I mentally scolded myself. I smiled at him and he returned it.**

**"I think it's time to return you to the manor, and to bed." Tom said and tucked my arm into his and started back to the manor. It was quiet the whole way, he opened the patio door for me and I smiled in thanks. He stopped at the study from earlier. "This is where I leave you Hermione. We will discuss more about your parents tomorrow." He said quietly.**

**"Alright. Thank you for everyting Tom." I whispered and he nodded. He leaned foward and I froze. Was he going to kiss me? Maybe. Did I want him to? Definately yes.**

Subarashii: …author, it's still Squicky even if the underage one wants it!

*TVTropes references: 56*

**But he turned his head last minute and paused at my ear.**

**"Goodnight Hermione." He whispered and I shivered. He pulled back with a smirk but I couldn't find myself to care.**

**"G-goodnight Tom." I whispered and walked away as fast as I could. I blushed. Did I **_**have **_**to stutter? He probably thinks I'm an idiot now! But why did I care? Was Draco right? Did I really have a crush on Tom? I thought of his face and smiled. Yes, I did. But surely he couldn't feel the same? I mean to him I might still be just a **_**mudblood.**_** How I despised that word. But if he didn't feel anything for me he wouldn't have held me, right? I sighed as I reached my room. I guess I'd have to see.**

Crona: Shouldn't you be more concerned by the fact that he's old enough to be your grandfather? And incidentally, how does he suddenly have his "old" appearance, anyway? Are you going to explain that?

Raven: Crona, why do you ask questions that you already know the answer to?

Crona: …in the hopes that I'm wrong?

**I walked into my room to see someone in there. The person lunged foward and I screamed as the person got me, my wand got knocked out of my hands, I got shoved against the door, I screamed as loud as I could, and a hand clamped over my mouth.**

**"Bloody hell Hermione! Shut up! I'm trying to **_**save **_**you!" A familiar voice hissed and I froze.**

**"Ronald?" I asked into his hand.**

Raven: "I thought I told you that I hated McDonalds!"

**I heard him sigh he mived his hand.**

**"Yes! Now come on!" He said and I heard footsteps down the hall. I struggled and kicked him in the most painful place.**

Crona & Subarashii: *wince*

**He yelled out and stepped back I dropped to the ground and grabbed my wand and lit the room up. Ron was crouched over holding himself. He glared up at me. "So you are with **_**them?**_**" He spit out and reached into his pocket and brought out something covered in a cloth. "Just wait until Harry hears this!"**

Subarashii: "You're gonna get it trouble!"

*RAVEN CHOP!*

Subarashii: _Hey_! The fuck was that for?

Raven: Sorry…reflex.

**He said and aimed his wand at me and yelled something, I was to late to defend myself. I fell to the ground to see Ron dissapear and the door blast open with Tom and Lucius upfront. I heard a yell before everything went black.**

Subarashii: OK, story's done! …seriously, _let it be done_.

Raven: It never is when you want it to be.

Subarashii: FUUUUUUUUUU-

_**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**_

**Something brushed my forhead and I moved my head and moaned. I heard a gasp.**

**"Hermione? Dear? Are you awake?" A familiar womans voice said. I cracked my eyes open to Narcissa sitting on the edge of my bed. I opened my eyes all the way and moaned.**

**"What time is it?" I croaked. Narcissa grabbed a glass of water from a tray that was floating next to her and I slowly sat up.**

**"It's almost 11." She said and handed me the water. I drank and watched her walk to the door. "Draco dear, she's awake." She said and Draco ran into the room. his clothes were wrinkled and his hair was a mess.**

**"Hermione!" He called and crashed into me with a hug.**

**"Oof!" I said and as my back hit the pillows, I returned the hug. "Nice to see you too." I said. Draco pulled back and grabbed my face.**

**"Never do that to me again! I thought that I was going to lose my little sister!" He yelled and I flinched.**

Ragnarok: And by "sister", he means "potential sex toy".

*RAVEN CHOP!*

Crona: Ow!

Raven: Oh, sorry Crona!

Crona: It's OK…

**"I'm sorry." I whispered and Dracos face melted.**

Raven: …you should probably see a doctor about that.

**"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled. It's not your fault the **_**filthy blood traitor **_**came here." He said his face pulled with disgust.**

Raven: So, purebloods who are "traitors" are bad, but the actual non-purebloods they're fighting are fine! …_what_?

**"It's okay. But erm...would you mind getting off me? You are kind of squishing me." I said and he jumped off right away. He smiled sheepishly and I smiled back. Someone cleared thir throat and I looked to see Lucius standing next to Narcissa. "Lucius." I whispered and he came foward and pulled me into a hug, much gentler than Draco did.**

**"I am glad you are okay my dear." He said quietly and ran a hand down my hair. I smiled and hugged him tighter.**

**"So am I." I answered and he pulled back. He gave me a smile and went back by Narcissa. The door opened and Tom walked in. All the Malfoys left right away. Tom went to the end of my bed and stood there.**

**"I take it you are feeling better?" He asked and I nodded. I frowned then.**

**"How did he get in here? How did he know I was here?" I asked Tom confused. Toms face darkened and I could feel the power sweep through the room, goosebumps raised on my arms.**

Subarashii: Seriously, they might as well replace Voldemort with a Gary Stu, for all the personality he has. They'd be roughly on the same level of power.

**"We had a traitor." He said and I couldn't find myself to ask who, so I just nodded. It was quiet for a moment. Then Tom cleared his throat and walked back towards the door, but he stopped a few feet away. "When that **_**thing **_**came here to get you, I was very angery, and very concerned about you. I knew you would get better since it was just a stunner, but, I didn't know if your parents would.." He trailed off and fear gripped at me.**

**"Are they...dead?" I whispered.**

**"No. But like I said I didn't know if they were okay, so I sent Lucius and some others to retreive your parents. When they got here I fixed their memory."**

Raven: …isn't that supposed to be a very complicated spell? Even more so than erasing the memories?

Crona: Well, it _is_ Voldemort…

Raven: Yes, but he still shouldn't be able to restore someone's memories in a few minutes!

**He said and I was instantly happy. They were safe! And here! I smiled. "They were scared of me when they saw me, but when I fixed their memory they immediately wanted to know who I was," He looked me in the eyes then, "I told them I was Tom Riddle, nothing more, nothing less, I will let you explain me to them,"**

Subarashii: "I totally passed up an opportunity to cause fear by using the name I prefer to use for you. Did I mention that I'm totally not a pedophile?"

**I nodded, "I just let them know you were here and hurt and they immediatly wanted to see you, I let them but you were asleep, it took a while for me to get them to go to their own room to sleep but I did. Your parents are both very stubborn." He said and I nodded grinning. They were. "Would you like to see them?" He asked and I nodded. He turned to the door.**

**"Tom!" I said and he paused. "Thank you for getting them here." I said and he just opened the door and stepped to the side. A short woman with brown curly and dark brown eyes walked in with a tall man who had short dark brown curly hair with hazel eyes. "Mom! Dad!" I yelled and jumped out of bed and and into my fathers arms, my mothers wrapped around us.**

Crona: …so, what about her being adopted by the Malfoys?

Subarashii: What about it? At least now things make a teeny tiny bit of sense.

Raven: It won't last.

Subarashii: Stop crushing my hopes already!

_**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**_

_**Hoped you all liked it! Longest chapter I have ever wrote so far! Please review! And if my description of Hermiones parents is wrong, so sorry, it's been forever since I have read the books and so I just wrote how I imagined them to look. Again! Please review!**_

Crona: Wait…I thought she said that she didn't read the books…

Raven: …great, she's even worse at this than I first thought she was.

**Well, I hope you like this next chapter! :D**

Subarashii: …what? I can only comment on the author's desire for self-harm so many times!

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**HrPOV**

**I hugged my parents close-I missed them so much! Tears came to my eyes, what would have happened if Tom hadn't sent someone out there to get them? Would Harry have gone and got them and used them against her?**

Subarashii: …whoa…that was an unexpected twist. Man, no wonder "Tom" hates her parents! Who would name a girl that?

**Anger filled me at the thought. I would ****never ****allow anybody to hurt my family. If somebody did...god help them. They were all I had left and I didn't want to lose them not for a long time.**

**"Hermione?" Tom asked. I looked at him, surprised. My parents let me go and I walked closer to him.**

Subarashii: Oh, so he is a guy? Or…or…

Raven: Just let the joke die, Subarashii.

**"Yes Tom?" I answered raising my right brow.**

**"We have more to discuss." He said and I sighed glancing at my parents but nodded. I knew that we'd have to talk, but so soon? "But, I shall give you some time to talk to your parents. I will call you when I feel it has been enough." He lifted his left arm, I nodded but, I felt like glaring at him, but, he ****was ****my Lord, and he ****did ****save my parents. I took a step back and bowed my head.**

**"Of course my Lord." I said and raised my head.**

**"Now just a minu-" My father started but I turned around and stared at him with my eyes wide, pleading with him to stay quiet.**

**"It's fine Dad. Really." I said and turned back to Tom and smiled, even though it was a little forced. Tom smirked at me and I felt myself blush. Tom turned without a word and walked out the door. I sighed and turned bac to my parents after the door closed. I smiled at them but they were both frowning at me. I knew what was coming.**

**"Why the **_**hell**_** would you listen to him?" My father said his face turned red with anger.**

**"What's with the 'Of course my Lord'?" My mother screeched. I frowned.**

**"You have to understand-" I started but my father cut me off.**

**"How can we understand? You whipped our memories! And how much do you want to bet that even when we ****did**** have them, that you didn't even tell us everything then?"**

Raven: OK…their reactions here are completely realistic, considering the circumstances and the fact that they had their _memories_ wiped. Now watch as the fic winds up portraying them as the "bad" parents for this and the Malfoys as the "good" ones because the author is stupid.

Subarashii: You mean "whipped" their memories.

Raven: …I can't even think of a proper visual for that.

**My father yelled and tears came to my eyes.**

**"I did it to protect you!" I yelled back, my tears going down my face. Why couldn't they just let me explain?**

**"From what?" My mother screeched, I flinched and looked down. I covered my face with both hands to calm myself. They were just upset. They were being led by there emotions. I repeated to myself.**

**"If you would just please let me explain!" I exclaimed throwing my hands in the air. My father crossed his arms and my mothe just stood there anger and pain clear on her face.**

**"Fine. Explain." My father said. I sighed suddenly felt cold, I looked down tonotice I was in a short silk nightgown and walked to into my closet grabbing a pair of lighter colored jeans and a nice looking sweater with new undergarmets. I walked out and pointed tto the batthroom.**

**"I'd like to get dressed first.." I trailed off. My fathers eyes went down and a blush rose to his cheeks and he nodded.**

Subarashii: *opens his mouth*

Raven: _Don't_.

Subarashii: …just saying, there's a lot of that in this fic…

**I went into the bathroom and changed. Before I left I looked in the mirror. My hair was a mess-of course, my eyes slightly swollen. I walked out and grabbd my wand pointing it at my hair and my hair fell in soft waves around my face. "Why don't you sit down?" I said motioning to the couche and chairs. I sat down in a chair and my parents followed to the couch. "This will take a while." I murmered and they nodded that they understood and got comfortable. I sighed and opened my mouth to tell them my life at Hogwarts and other wizarding world events but with all the details.**

Subarashii: Please let there be a timeskip here.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**An Hour Later**

Subarashii: Thank you.

**My parents stared at me wide eyed. They had been like that for a while, maybe five minutes? I wasn't sure. I shifted in my seat. I did tell them everything, well except that the Malfoys wanted to adopt me and my feelings-if you wanted to call them that, for Tom. Those could be discussed later.**

Crona: In other words, used as sources of drama later.

**"So.." My mother started, "that man we met last night, the one from earlier-****he's ****the evil lord Voldemord?" My mother asked, her eyes had a slight gleam to them, I certainly recognized-she thought Tom attractive, of course she does, who wouldn't?**

Raven: Anyone with some standards?

**"It's Voldemor****t.****" I corrected and she nodded. "But yes, that was Lord Voldemort, or Tom Riddle as he used to go by." And by me, I silently added.**

**"And he is your...Lord?" My father asked. I nodded, he still looked a little upset about that but I could tell he realized that there was nothing he could do. "Are you...happy?" He asked and I sighed.**

**"Yes and no." I said. Both of my parents nodded. "I am happy**

Raven: "I am very happy even though I've only been adopted by this family that I used to hate for all of a day or two."

Crona: Forced, isn't it?

**I have been accepted, and that I have fa-****friends****," I corrected quickly, if they noticed they didn't show it, "here is a comforting thought, and I am on the good side of the Dark Lord. But no because of what happened for me to get here, no because I ****do**** miss some of the people on the other side, but I made my decision, and with every decision comes with consquenses. But, I can live with mine." I explained and they both nodded. "I am sorry that I lied, I truely am, but I felt liek I was protecting you. And I have missed you ****so much****. And I feel absolutely horrid about the memory charm, but I deemed it neccisary. And I'd understand if you didn't forgive me, but I still ask that you would."**

Subarashii: "No, get out." End fic.

Raven: …

Subarashii: …oh, shut up.

**I finished and looked up at their faces my fathers face was blank, but my moms was full of sadness and love. With a cry she ran to me and pulled me up to hug me. I buried my head into her shoulder as she hugged me. I missed her hugs. They were so tight you felt like you couldn't breathe but right now I couldn't have felt more happy to be gasping for breathe when she let go.**

**"You are my daughter Hermione." She said holding my face between her hands. "I will ****always ****forgive you, because I love you, and I have missed you so much that I can't waste any time with petty anger for something that you felt like was protecting me."**

Raven: "I missed you even though I forgot who you were!"

**She said and leaned down and kissed my forhead. She was only an inch or two taller than my 5 foot 6 inches. She stepped back grabbed my hand, we turned to my father. He stared at me for a minute before he came foward and hugged me.**

**"Your mother couldn't have said it any better." He said and I burried my face into his shoulder. I missed his hugs too-they were gentle, very contrasting to my mothers. He stepped back and smiled at me, I grinned back. I was so happy that they weren't mad at me. "But I do not like how Mr. Riddle is your ****Lord****." My father said.**

Raven: "Would you prefer he was my boyfriend?"

Crona: "What?"

Raven: "Oh, nothing…"

**"Dad, it's a done deal, nothing can change what I have agreed to now, and like I said earlier. I ****am**** happy. More so now that you guys are here and-" I was cut off as a burning sensation went throuh my left arm. I grabbed it and hissed.**

**"Hermione?" My mother asked concerned.**

**"I have to go." I said and pulled my wand out of my pocket. My father frowned.**

**"When will we see you?" He asked. I shrugged.**

**"I'm not sure, but I ****have ****to go ****now.****" I said and my mother nodded. "Explore the grounds they are beautiful, I will come to you." I said and stepped back and touched the tip of my wand to my dark mark. A tugging sensation pulled at my stomache and I landed infront of Tom-he was behind a desk sitting, we were alone. I dropped to one knee and bowed my head. "My Lord." I said quietly. Tom chuckled.**

**"Arise Hermione." He said and I stood. I looked around-we were in the study from last night. It must have been his office or something. I looked back to his face. "You learn quickly Hermione." He said. What was I supposed to say to that?**

Raven: "Please don't read my mind, that's very rude." I mean, you've got away with so much already, might as well go a bit further.

**"Thank you." I murmered and he dipped his head.**

**"I would like you to tell me what happened last night." He said and motioned to the chair that was more to the right of his desk facing him. I sat down but kept my wand in my hand.**

**"I walked back to my room after our...talk last night." I blushed and a small smirk ros to his face. "I walked in and closed the door and noticed right away that someone was in my room, he jumped at me, and I screamed. My wand got knocked out of my hands, and I got shoved against the door. I screamed again but he put a hand over my mouth. He told me to shut up and that he was trying to ****save ****me. He tried to get my to go with him but I struggled with him and got him a good one in the balls,"**

Subarashii: Oh do you _have_ to brag about that?

**I smirked and looked down, "I got my wand and lit up the room, he realised I ****was ****on your side, and he told me what he was going to tell Harry," Tom glared, "he pulled out something from his pocket, and he cast something on me, I was to slow to deflect it, and he portkeyed out, the last thing I remember was seeing you and Lucius come rushing in." I finished and Tom tilted his head to the side.**

**"Who came Hermione?" Tom aske and I sighed.**

**"Ronald Weasley My Lord." I said. He cursed and all the lights went out.**

Subarashii: It's funny how Ron's acting like a Death Eater but actually isn't one.

*TVTropes references: 57*

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Please Review!**

Crona: Please stop begging. It only makes me pity you.

**HPOV**

**I sat there stunned listening to Tom breathing, did **_**Tom**_** make the power go out?**

Ragnarok: A-!

**I listened hard, just incase there was an attack, but heard nothing. I bit my lip and tightened my grip on my wand. What was I supposed to do? Was I suppose to fix the lighting? I made a silent sigh and things got very quiet, I couldn't hear Toms breathing anymore. Had he left? Or had he finally calmed down? I sat up straighter and kept my chin up, just incase. "My Lord?" I asked and it was quiet. Maybe he **_**had **_**left. I sighed and went to stand up.**

**"Did I tell you that you were dismissed?" Toms voice rang through the room quietly, but clearly. I sat back immediately, and bowed my head, so he could see in the dark?**

Raven: Sure, why not?

Subarashii: So when did you change your name to Tom, Gary?

**I bit my lip.**

**"My apologies my Lord, but when you didn't respond I had thought you left." I said and it was quiet for a moment, then a the lights came back on, I blinked in surprise as my eyes adjusted to see Tom, his eyes were still blazing, but he was slowly calming.**

**"I was thinking." Tom said, offering no apology. My annoyance level rose slightly, but, I couldn't say a word about it, I had no right to. I nodded my head though, incase he was looking for an answer to his words. Tom sighed and rose to his full height, and walked around the desk to lean against the front edge. He eyed me for a few minutes. "I didn't think that your friends would come looking for you so soon." I wanted to say they weren't my friends, but, I wasn't an idiot. "But this may work to our advantage." Tom said with a calculating look on his face. I was confused, how would Ronald trying to steal me away work to our advantage?**

**"My Lord?" I asked, confusion coloring my voice. Tom just smirked at me.**

Subarashii: *facepalm* It's an evil plan, you idiot! He's going to use you as bait to kill them off! How hard is this for you to comprehend?

Crona: …you know, that probably won't be the case, given the general stupidity seen here.

Subarashii: Fine, conspire against me to destroy all of my hope. You traitors.

**"Hm, yes, I'll think on this, you may go." Tom said and started back around his desk. I stood and bowed before making my way to the door, but then two arms were on either side of my head against the door. I froze, what was he doing? I felt his breath at my throat and couldn't help the want that went through me, but I remained silent.**

Subarashii: *double facepalm* Why, fic? Whyyyyyyyyyy?

**What was he doing? "And Hermione, next time you come to meet me, dress more upclass, would you?" Tom whispered, and I heard a crack and Tom was gone. I turned around and leaned against the door, and tried to collect myself. Was Tom bipolar?**

Raven: That's probably the most logical explanation. …you already know what I'm going to say to that.

**I shook my head and turned back to the door and opened it to see Bellatrix standing there her hand raised, as if she was going to knock. Her face showed surprise at seeing me, but then her face went blank.**

**"Is the Dark Lord in there Miss Granger?" Bellatrix asked and I know I probably looked idiotic with my mouth slightly hanging open and my eyes wide. Bellatrix giggled, sounding slightly crazy and looked over my shoulder. "Woop, guess not." Bellatrix said and turned away striding off, but then stopped at the end of the hall to turn back and look at me. "And, Miss Granger? The vacant expression isn't becoming dear." Bellatrix cackled and continued on her way. I shook my head, that woman was crazy!**

Subarashii: And yet she's a lot more interesting than you.

**I closed the door behind me and went out the back patio doors to find my parents.**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Sorry about the wait and the length of this chapter! But, I hope it was slightly okay.**

Crona: "Slightly OK"?

Raven: Well, good to aim high.

**HrPOV**

Subarashii: OK, I have to ask, since we're on the last chapter…but why does it keep mentioning the POV? It hasn't changed at all the entire story!

Raven: Probably aiming to the demographic.

Subarashii: You mean the ones with the attention span of a day-old fly?

Raven: That'd be the one.

**I sighed as I wandered down the halls of the Malfoy Mansion, someone could get lost so easily, someone like **_**me.**_** I had been wandering the halls now for at least thirty minutes and I couldn't figure out where I had made a wrong turn. I was the smartest witch of in my time, why couldn't I figure out where to go?**

Crona: You can be incredibly smart and still have a poor sense of direction, you know.

Raven: Speaking from experience?

Crona: You could say that…

(meanwhile, a certain eyepatch-wearing Death Scythe sneezes, but merely attributes it to the dust she's cleaning.)

**I then looked at the wand I had in my hand and felt like hitting myself. I took a deep breath and apparated into my bedroom. I sighed in relief and grinned sheepishly at the stunned expression on my parents' faces.**

**"Sorry for being gone so long." I apologized with a slight blush to my cheeks; I was not going to tell them that I had gotten lost in a mansion I could apparate in.**

Raven: "Because then I'd reveal that I was part of a completely pointless sequence."

**My Mother only shrugged with a smile but my Father was staring at me with a thoughtful expression.**

**"So, what exactly did you need to go for?" My Father asked and I sighed, sitting down on the couch, my parents following almost immediately.**

**"Well, what do you know about that happened last night?" I asked and they both frowned.**

**"No one would tell us what happened dear; Tom said that he wasn't all too sure, that he needed to ask you about it first." My Mother said and I nodded my head, that made sense. I took a deep breath before explaining to them what happened, my Father's face was slightly red and my Mother went pale. Contrasting still.**

**"That boy, Weasely, the one you used to like, harmed you?" My Father asked taking deep, slow breaths. I nodded my head and my Mother covered her mouth.**

**"I am so sorry dear, I know it must be hard-" I cut my Mother off.**

**"Actually not so much considering that he had been cheating on me and so that severed any feelings I had for him, I tried being what he wanted, but that didn't work out, so I decided to go where I thought I'd at least be appreciated for what I can do, and I have a feeling that I am going to be treated very well while I am here."**

Subarashii: "That's great, honey, but your mother was asking about the actual spell."

Raven: "Oh. Yeah, that hurt like Hell."

**I explained and my Mother nodded but she still looked sad about how things were turning out, too much too fast for and my Father. A knock sounded at the door and I stood up and as soon as I had the door open I was engulfed in a hug from Narcissa.**

**"Oh dear! Are you alright? I knew that you were in a meeting with our Lord when everything went dark, are you okay? He wasn't angry at you, was he?" Narcissa asked and I shook my head.**

**"No, he wasn't, he was just caught off guard I think, when he found out it was Ronald Weasely that attacked me last night." I explained and she hugged me again.**

Crona: …why do they keep calling him "Ronald", anyway?

Raven: To make him seem more like the bad guy?

Subarashii: Well, they can't attach "Death Eater" to the end of his name, so that's the best they can do.

*TVTropes references: 58*

**"Thank god, I mean I can duel pretty well, but I don't think I could take on our Lord, so thank god you're okay Sis." Draco's voice drifted in and I couldn't help but laugh slightly at him. I grinned at him and hugged him as soon as he entered the room.**

**"Uhh..Hermione? Who are these people?" I heard my Mother ask and my eyes widened, I forgot they were standing right behind me.**

**"And why did that young man call you sister?" My Father's voice accused and I cringed, slowly turning to face them. How was I going to explain this nicely?**

Ragnarok: Easy, just tell them that you abandoned them and got new parents! That's basically what you did, anyway!

**Hey everyone! I'm sorry for the lateness and shortness of this chapter, again:/. I do hope you all will like it atleast a little bit and will review, thanks so much guys!**

Subarashii: And thank you for wasting valuable time of ours that we'll never get back.

/

The lights slowly came back on and the trio let out a collective sigh, though for different reasons than the other. Crona was thankful that they were finished, Raven was annoyed at what they had seen, and Subarashii was just bored.

"So…do we really need to go over what was wrong with this?" Subarashii asked.

"It had Hermione betray the others and join the Death Eaters, get adopted by the Malfoys, and fall in love with Voldemort. I think that says it all." Raven replied.

Crona frowned. "What's weird is that this actually wasn't that badly written. There weren't many spelling errors and the descriptions weren't _too_ bad. It's the content that's the problem…"

"Yeah, exactly." Subarashii added. "Normally I'm a sucker for these 'adopt into family' kind of stories, but the idea that it was the _Malfoys_ adopting _Hermione_…and that's not even getting into yet more pedophilia…why do we attract that so much?"

Raven and Crona both shuddered, neither of them choosing to answer.

Subarashii then got to his feet, stretching slightly afterwards.

"Well, I'm out of here. I should be back to my usual peppy self next time. See you two then."

He then gave a small wave as he ascended the stairs and headed out the door, Raven and Crona returning the gesture.

Crona frowned, suddenly thinking of something that he hadn't considered during his and Raven's earlier conversation. He turned to look at her, already suspecting she wouldn't like this idea.

"Raven…we are doing the right thing, aren't we?"

Raven blinked, tilting her head in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"This." Crona answered, gesturing to the screen. "Doing the reviews. I mean, we are helping people understand how not to write these stories, aren't we?"

"…I should hope that we are. That's the whole point to this."

"So…maybe that's the only reason The Host is doing this? Maybe that's his motivation?"

Raven blinked, not expecting that possibility, least of all to come from Crona. The idea that The Host was acting purely to help others seemed absolutely ludicrous to her. He seemed so ill intentioned in his actions that it was impossible for her to consider anything other than him being evil.

But, if he was acting for the benefit of others…

"…the ends don't justify the means, Crona." was all Raven could give as an answer.

_I just wish I knew what the means were…_ she thought.

/

OK, I really need to get focused again.

As always, fanmail and suggestions are appreciated. Also, you're welcome to try the gift thing as mentioned already, but I'm keeping an eye on things.

Next review coming soon.


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